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Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

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Page 1: Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.
Page 2: Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

Brief History of the Growth of Islam in the U.S.A.

HIS-story

Page 3: Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

History

355% Growth in the last half century

• Internal Factors– Revert of Malcom

X– Strong stand by

Mohammad Ali

Page 4: Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

History

• External Factors– Massive migration

from around the world.

• For jobs, education, etc.

“Honey (mom), I’ll be back in no time”

Page 5: Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

History

• Everyone Pretty much stayed.– Started their families

Page 6: Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

History

• Fear of Religion– We built many

Mosques

Page 7: Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

History to Present

• Fear of losing children to society– Sunday Schools– Islamic Schools

Question: Are these things solving the whole problem?

“O you who believe, save yourself and your family from the hellfire.” -Qur’an 66:6

Page 8: Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

This is a counseling workshop

All of the information is based on statistical evidence, surveys,

interviews, previous counseling situations, and experience.

Disclaimer…

Page 9: Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

Parent Vs. Child

Environmental Differences

This workshop is focused more-so at the Immigrant Muslim parent and his/her children being raised in this society

Page 10: Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

Comparison of Environment

Society of my Children

• Open interaction of genders

– Co-ed Schools, etc.

• Open Secular environment

• Societal norms conflict with Islam

• “I don’t do it unless I understand, why?”

Society of my Parents

• Closed interaction of genders

– Public separation

• Closed secular environment

• Societal norms less conflicting with Islam

• “You do it because I SAID SO!”

Page 11: Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

Solution

1. Open to understanding the environments– Realize the reality, before the reality makes

you realize.

2. Communication• Two way street

3. Flexibility• Bend but don’t break

Page 12: Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

Understanding the Muslim Youth in North America

Problems…Problems…Problems…

Page 13: Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

Issues

• Drugs

• Alcohol

• Pre-marital relations– Dating– “Home Runs”

• AIDS; STD’s

• Completely denouncing Islam

Page 14: Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

Identity Crisis

• Since Muslims are new to this land, the youth have no model identity to look at.– What Category do I fall in?– Who do I belong to?– How should I dress?– How should I talk? What language?

Note: The identity crisis is also very prevalent in the adult Muslim community

Page 15: Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

Changing Identity

Why do youth change their Identity?

• Innate feeling/desire to be accepted

• Societies influence on its “norms” not being in line with the norms of Islam

• Lack of acceptance anywhere else

• Inferiority Complexes

• Peer Pressure

Page 16: Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

Inferiority Complexes

• Low Imaan

• Lack of Understanding

• Little or no Knowledge

• Weak Personality

• No sense/feeling of “belonging”

Page 17: Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

Peer Pressure

• Weak Personality---BUT THAT’S OK

• Unable to convey true feelings

• Fear of rejection

• Lack of options (no other friends)

“You end up being a product of their entertainment”

Page 18: Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

Effects of Losing Identity

• Unhappiness

• Blindness

• Loss of Focus in Life

• Fights– Friends– Family

Page 19: Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

The answer to “Why?”

There are many factors contributing to the overwhelming dilemma facing the Muslim youth...

• -  Lack of Islamic understanding by both parents and children

• -  Lack of Islamic environment• -  Little or no Islamic peer groups

- Generation Gap - Little or no communication between parent and child - Parents who fail to convey their knowledge of Islam to

their children

Page 20: Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

Do’s and Don’ts

Helpful hints for parents raising children in North America

Page 21: Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

Do’s

1. Educate children about the completeness of Islam and its higher purpose. Help your child understand that Islam is not just rules and regulations. Be a living example for your child.

2. Become your child’s best friend. Communication is the most valuable tool you will have in understanding your child and helping them understand you. With no communication there will be no understanding. With no understanding there will be no achievement.

Page 22: Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

Do’s

3. Involve yourself and your family with the Islamic community at local and national levels. From social groups to workplace environments, the Islamic atmosphere plays a major role and is highly important for a person’s well development.

4. Although we can not force our children to choose peers of our own likings, we should instill the importance of Islamic brotherhood/sisterhood and encourage our children to make friends with those that share the same Islamic views and wish to achieve the same goals.

Page 23: Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

Do’s

5. With the understanding that our children are growing up in a much different day and age than we did, we must be open to their likes and dislikes. No matter how difficult it is for us, we must understand that there might be certain things in our child’s tastes and behaviors that are against our culture but not against Islam.

6. Patience, love, and affection are the three characteristics that you as a parent must have with your child. Be affectionate with your child, give them love and respect, and always be patient with them. If you give them these three things, they will, in return, give you the same.

Page 24: Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

Don’ts

1. Do not confuse your children by incorporating cultural views with Islamic teachings. What is cultural might not be Islamic.

2. Do not make your children’s decisions for them. Give them enough Islamic understanding so that you can trust their judgement.

3. Do not be distant with your child. Develop an atmosphere with your child that will allow him/her to feel comfortable to come to you about any problem they might be facing.

Page 25: Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

Don’ts

4. Do not condemn your child’s ability to involve himself or herself in Islamic activities. Allow them to socialize themselves with any and all Islamic activities regardless of what stereotypes or conflicting interests you might have.

5. Encourage your child to excel in academic studies. However, do not over burden them and make them lose focus of Islam. Always inspire them to educate themselves farther into Islam.

Page 26: Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

Don’ts

6. Do not condemn early marriage. If your child is mature enough and is mentally prepared then encourage them and help them find a suitable mate. Do not postpone your child’s wedding due to financial reasons. Allah is the ultimate provider, not you.

7. Never condemn your child’s thoughts and feelings. Let them express themselves to you. If you disagree, then explain why. “Just because I said so” is not an answer.

Page 27: Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

Don’ts

8. Don’t be pessimistic with your child’s dreams, desires, emotions, appearance, and feelings. When they do something good, let them know you are pleased. As parents, we tend to forget the good things and we always remember the bad things.

Page 28: Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

Who do we blame?

Who do you blame, the wolf for attacking the sheep? Or the sheaperd who went to sleep?

Page 29: Muslim parents and children's generation gap and how to deal with it.

Young Muslims is a division of the Islamic Circle of North America


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