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MUSTERMAGAZINE
ISSUENO.3
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TableofContents
2 Moments of Silence KevinBelew
3 Not Too Old KevinBelew
4 Simply Complicated KevinBelew
5 Coddling M.E.Brown
6 Passing Bell, 1967 M.E.Brown
7 Suckling Boys M.E.Brown
8 Spoondrifting M.E.Brown9 Forresting M.E.Brown
10Pathetic Math ChrisGould
11Process KyleEnright
14Untitled KyleEnright
15Swimming Backwards BarbaraONeil
16Last Dance BarbaraONeil
17Your Bones BarbaraONeil18No Apologies BarbaraONeil
19What Eats Ticks, Part 1 JohnHarkins
21Alarms Ring For A Reason 3/3 KevinBelew
24Lying and Dying SarahKrebs
25Paris September 30th SarahKrebs
27What Happens When I Drink Too SarahKrebs
Many Superior Light Beers28You Never Know SarahKrebs
29 Unholy Grail JohnCosta
32What It Feels Like BarbaraONeil
33Untitled KateBurke
34Untitled KyleEnright
CollectedbyChrisGould
Co-EditedbyMarianaKrambs
MUSTER,ALiteraryMagazine,IssueNo.3
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Moments of Silence KevinBelew
Theintensity
ofthebigjobisdoubledwithminutedetailsquantied.
Theeverydayblockageofasuccessfulfruition.
Moldanddecayblendingwiththeoweringofamorningglory,soengrossed,thatclimbsandconquers.
Theredsandtheyellowsdroppingfromtreesinautumn,theoodingofwinter,therestlessnessofspringandthesheddingofsummer.
Whenthebigjobisnished,Iwillhavenoviewinconcept,Illbesurroundedbyeternalwritersblock.
Wordswillbesaid;goodandbad.Itmightbethemomentsofsilencethatmeanthemost.
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Not Too Old KevinBelew
Imcontent.
Ihavetheght.Inolongerneedtofeelit.
Gettingbeatupgetsold,andwillgetyounowhere.
Thevictoriesnowseem,fromthesedaysofsustainablenothingness,somethingtolatchontowhenbeatingthesystem,
winninginlifearetoolsusedbytheunfortunatetofoolonewisely.
Thoughtsofoatingandrotatingkeepmeawake.UntilthepressureoftimeCavesmyheadinwithdreams
and
I
am
asleep.
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Simply Complicated KevinBelew
AsIthinkback,
totheexcitementofmyyouth.
Ifeelfree.
Knowingnow,expunged,asIsit,write,drink,smokeandletthethoughtsoat.ThatifIdiedtonightitwouldbetoolittletoolate.
Andtobeokaywiththis,Mayseemunacceptable.ButmeaslyandstressfreeIam.
Youseetobethissimpleiscomplicatedtosomewhowantittobe.
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Coddling M.E.Brown
erringhim
dousingtheebullientchoirofarchives
motheringhimcatchingthespindlingmareneckingbreast
bottlesintheden,agatelikeloopingmilkcurtains,dark-greenlivingroom
splashesofusagainstthebrunt-sourwallsmoorintheitsheeringdisuseofappetite
ontheoorfreckledinthedinningcanterofdirtlickingouracerbicunarmoredhands
caughtgallonthemustardcoloreddecksewninSwedishbotanicaltapestrywoveninchocolateoralnouveau
livingroomlawnthrowninrichgrassysod-likeveneeropaquerugslainoverhardwoodedpastures
alongthespackleculledwallanoverturetoourwaking
ourshoulderbladesclunkamainthemolding.
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Passing Bell, 1967 M.E.Brown
furnishthesweetroom,
anchorittocallousoors,wedance;splinteringthesolesofourtrampledshoes.netherduskinthelight.
Nehemiahsinthehall,heneglectshislimbs,barrelingchestcontouredandmeantonlyforbrawls,expositionsoflight;thecandleticklingthechinofdarkness,puff,thestarchyafterbirthcurdlinginaswarthydust,lightedout.
Lord,forwhenthebrideisinhiskindness;Thebruteisinherkitchen.Akintohimself;winebatteringaboutinbelly;hissystolichymnthemountainshemorrhageathishands,heliftsustothetrees,withkneelingneckstheyheel,sallowinpasture,idleinrain;come,come;Iswingyou,latheryou,batheyouinassembly,ensilagedmouth,webbedundertongue
cleftthattastedofsyrup,Ilicked,yesclothed,yes,Itwasatundraofmuscle.
YouaresickaspininghideHeclearedthetreesWerejoicetogether;Nobuildingsthere
eldfulloftroughsbedinthecanteringdecayedeshofstonepines.
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Suckling Boys M.E.Brown
gobbleduptherowhousesafterthebig-timestormcame
pouncinginonitsbald-heels
whiffetcomelythroughthenosewiththetareyedsmokejingles
cornerof30thandvolleyinglegstrampleattacks
whinnyinghiccoughcrushingtobaccounderhoof
boysblackdentedchinswornchappytuftedinhairs
stickingthegumundertheirtonguesthenchewingfromthegutters
(and)buddingfromtheangethetipsofcigarettesdanglefromtheirspeckledmuzzles
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Spoondrifting M.E.Brown
combingthroughanapiarywearingsweetvanilla
tartburntandmewing
cannotheartheclangoroftheirdomesticatedfeetcannotclothethenoisome
shallowthenintothebarbedwingsburrowingremedialplashes
ethericonlyiftheutteringstemscurlingthetightstofitsleaves
orisitascepterthecoronetdroppingjewelsinspindrift
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Foresting M.E.Brown
allthenitssin
waylayingtweentwotress
blisteringbrunetteshantybacklongthewater
capewadingthroughboughlappingbranchaureatesail
roundhisnecktautbeardedoverwind
curtailingthebanks,theheavysplayofwoods
feralthicketstalkbelowthebudswindlingleaf
bruisedappendageoforatwinklingthroughthegrove
hewasswimminginthem
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Pathetic Math ChrisGould
Thatlookonthefarmersworkingthemarketinbetweensalesandduring,the
farmerispittingthewaysandthemeansversustheoutcome:fourdollarshere,onedollarthere...bigsaleof6.75.Whilethefarmercalculates;itsapproximate-ly18dollarsingas,moneyforfees.IfIgettothefarmatnine,loadthetruck,driveintotown,setthingsup,sitthere,thenbreakitdown,driveback,unload;thatsaneighthourday.So,onedaylaborcosts,thenthegas,thenthemarketfeesandgivingthefarmfreshpeoplethircutofthetopshelfgoods,thatsallbeforethecostofproducingallthisfood,thatnowsitsinashopwindowunderaredlightdancingslowlyandwithagracethatseemstoosubtletonoticeatrst.Andsothepeoplewalkbyunintriguedtothecupcakelady.I,theproducepimp,leanagainstahandrailinadoorwaypickingmyteethabsentmindedlyandcurs-
ingundermybreatheverytimeapotentialJohnwalksby,...allthatexpensivecompost,allthetendernurturing,loveandaffection...andtheyjustwalkonby...gahdamrecession.Hecontemplatesmovingbackinwithhissisteruntilheisdistractedbyanotherbiteontheline,pff.Justanotherhand-job,dejected,Ishouldastayedinbed...
Theonlysolaceofthedaywasfoundinoneoftheladyspeanutbuttercup-cakes,upontherstnibbleofwhich,Ihadforgotteneverythingofmytroublesandbudgetingcrisis,liftedthreefeetintotheairandhoveredwhilstawarmgentlebreezeenvelopedme.Easingbackintorealityasitsmorselsintegrate
withmymorsels,llingsomesmallvoidorextinguishingsomesmolderingembers.Morereliefintheformofdistractionwheneverybirdfromtheadjacentparkswoopedoverthetentandswungthreemassivelapsaroundthetransitmall,bankingwideandslowandjustmissingthetreetops.
Howdoesthatfeeltosellpeoplesugarcakes?Howwouldthatladyfeelifsomeobeseso-and-socamehufngupallbyitselfandgotonedozencupcakes?Bad?Weird?Obviouslyshecouldntbeheldaccountableforanythinganyoneelsedoestothemselves,andfranklyIwouldneverhadconsideredthepossibilityofanyregardwhatsoever;werealltryingtosellstufftoeattolive,butsitting
here,workingtheretailendofthisfood/agriculturalsector,Icanthelpbuttocomparethisexperience,frommyend,withsimilaremploymentsinmypast.IcansayunequivocallythatI-thatthisexchangethatIammediatingisafairone.Maybeevenanimportantone.Whichisdifferentthanprobablyeveryothertimewhenithadbeenmyjobtosellpeoplethings.......interesting.AllIsaid...wasthatitwasint-eresting.[Iswear]Betweenthewindandtherainandthecrazypeople;theguywiththeheadphoneswhocameupandjustputhishandonthewintersquashforlike30seconds,thepoorsales;itsagoodthingtheygotprettygirlstolookatdownhere.
Thepeopledrivingtrucks;theysmokeastheypass-adifferentkindofjob.
10.09.0912:13p-1:27pKennedyPlazaFarmersMarket,Providence,RhodeIsland
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Process KyleEnright
itss9:45pm
imsittinginacoldhouse.Itssoempty,imnoteveninit.
amechanicalhumllstheroom.Itstheonlythingintheroom.
Deadlinesdontreallyservemewell.
iusedtobehere,
iusedtobealive
Igrabthebottle,stare,think.
youfeelsoniceinmyhands
acomfortingreminder.howimissyouwhenyouareaway.
Itakealonghardpull.
themouthwaters.chills,sweat,unbearablewarmth.thestomachshutters,thebodyshakes.ahandtightlyclaspsthethroat.backdownitgoes.relief.
Acomputerscreenlightsmysurroundings.
Anemptywhitepage.Thecursorblinks.
Itsnevereasy.
Igiveitsometime,takeanotherdrink.
thereisnothinginmyheadsoillitwithmorebrownliquid.uidllsthevoidofdiscplacedgreymatter.
theinternaltalkradioprogrammingbegins.
thereitis
itsanightlysyndication.endlessthoughts,warmdiscourse.
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thebloodbrainbarrierpenatrated.
softlaughterdrownsoutdeafeningnoise.
maybeicancollectmyself,giveitapurpose.
whatdoesthatlittlevoiceinsideyourheadtellyou?
handsgesturewildy,eyesmoveabout,
limbsail,whyamishouting?
well?
Musicplaysinthebackground.mybottlesitsnexttome.anemptyshotglassnexttoit.Itstareslongingly.
itissuicidal.
ifidrinkallofyourcontentsthenarentyoudead?dontiwin?
ialmostthrowupagain.ghtingoffthatfeeling.vomitrisesinmythroat.pushing,churning,re.likeafurnace.
alastlongcringe,thenitsgone.Beautiful.
iwillstealyourbrownliquidsoul,youworthlessfuck.
Istarttyping.
thewordsfallfrommyngertips.idonotthink,ijustwrite.
icontinuewithoutmeaning,istareatthekeyboardwithwideeyes.itsamazinghowfastmyngersmove.idonotrecountwhatiswritten.ijustkeepgoing.pressbuttons,wordsform.
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Ilookatmyprogress.
dissapointment.
heymisterliquorman,imnotevenclosetofull.youaresofuckingclosetoempty.
itsnotworking.imnotworking.maybeitsthemoment.maybeitsnotright.ormaybeitsrightnow.
maybeimjustdrunk.
amomentpassessoquicklyhowdoyouevenliveone?
Thebourboncontinuestopourintomymouth.idonotcare,ijustdrink.icontinuewithoutpurpose.istareattheglasswithwateringeyes.itsamazinghowfasttheliquorgoesdown.idonotrealizehowmuchihavehad.
Ijustkeepdrinkingfornogoodreason.pourbottle,thoughtsform.
Ilookatmyprogress.moredissapointment.
Iguessthismomentisover.
wordsstop.nomorekeystrokes.
thebottlesitscoldandempty.drainedofeverydrop.iamnished.itistoo.
youusedtobehere.youusedtobealive.
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Untitled KyleEnright
thesepicturessurroundme
theyaresomeoneelseslifeartifactsofanexistanceoneididnotexistin
iwishicouldhaveknownherinsteadofllingintheblankseverysingleglimpseitakeitsonlywhatsheshowsme
ifiwasinthosephotos
wouldwebeherenoworwouldibeabsentwithsomeoneelsewondering
ifiwaswithyouthenwoulditbethesame
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Swimming Backwards BarbaraONeil
SincethatdayonthesandIhavelostmyfaith.Itslost.Thedoubtisfrom
theinsideout.SincethatdayswimmingbackwardsIvelostmypatience.Itslost.Iwantitnow;wanttohideitwhereyouwontndit.YoukeepyoursecretsandIkeeprecoveringfromdumb.Ishelteredyoufromyourownpurposeanditsalreadymisshapingyouridiosyncrasies.Youvesufferedenough.Thiscookiecutterlovekeptyoublindedandboundtomywiles.SincethatdayIvefanciedyoulikemyperceptionoftheskyfalling.Itiedaknotandwatchedyoursquirm.OhhowIwishyoucouldseemyheartyearningforyoursurrender.
CountingthesecondstillIwillbejustlikeyou.YoukeepyourlullabiesandIkeepmisreadingthewritingonthewall.Isecludedyourglowfromdaylightandyouresunburned.Youvewreckedthisspace.Thisguardhasfallendownandthecarrionsmellssomethingsour.SincethatdayIhavegonetoofarandswallowedmytongue.Ipushedtoohardandwecanbarelytouchitbeforeitfallsapart.
Thelustisfromoutsidein.Theshriveledhopesofyoursandminecollide.
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Last Dance BarbaraONeil
Imsadsickofthatdecrepitlookofhate.
NowImstuckuponthiscrucixanditsjusttoolate.Yesterdayyouwerefullofsmiles,TodayImmadsickofyourdenial-oftruth.TellingmyselfIshouldhaveknownbetter nottoletyoucreepintomydarkshadow.Shouldhaveputthatladderupagainstthedoorkeptmyselffromcomingbackformore.Currentlytrappeddespiteallofmymight thesewoundedwingshinderedfromanyight boundtosuddentsoflaughter-nothingmakessenseanymore
Idontwantanymore!
Thisismyvacationfromconstantmisery,yetImstuckwithoutthekeytoFreedomofeverythought
WishIwouldhaveboughtthatboatwhenIhadachanceSetsailinsteadofanxiouslywaitforourlastdance.
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Your bones BarbaraONeil
Takingchances.Secondglances.
Iamwellbeyondyou.Yourtragedybesiegesme.Toounderprivilegedtonoticeyourdefeat.Toodeanttobelieveanything.Nobodyknowsmeandnobodyofferstheirlies.Ibenetfromyourblows.Icanlearnfromthewaterinyoureyesthatlifeisjustasymphonyofshatteredhopes.Icangiveyouthesunshineifyougivemeyourbones.Builttodenythecataclysmicsharedlifewearedoomedtoindestiny.Icantakeyouwherenobodyseesyouandnobodywantstoknowyourtwistedspine.
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No Apologies BarbaraONeil
Ididaveryshittythingtonight
AndIhavenomeanstomakeAnysortofamendmentssincenowEverythinghastranspiredintoSHIT.CometothinkofitshithasBeenspewingoutofmylifeforQuitesometimenow.AmIsofarDetachedfromrealitythatIexistonAnentirelydifferentplanereferredToasSHITCENTRAL?AmIsuchaHorriblepartofeveryoneslives
ThatImknownasTHESHITGIRL?AmIevenagirloramImereSHIT?Amatchwonttamethisdisaster.
Alone,andrightfullyso,inmyOwnhome. InevermeanttocausethisharmYetIvemanagedtochopoffmyownarm
Itriedtofeedittoyoutopreventmefromfeelinglessblue
Anotherbystanderovertakenbythisunnecessarydestruction.IAMONEBIGFUCKINGCOMBUSTION! Ofmiseryandgooddeeds PainandneglectedneedsShame,Blame,Lame-Youname
InevermeanttocausethisharmNO,Iwasnotraisedinabarn; Imtenderandtrue and
Indebtedtoyou.
Imsorry.
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What Eats Ticks, Part 1 JohnHarkins
Eh,yougotoneonyou
Where,where Comer,itsonyourback Agh,ah-getit Theywerecrunchingthroughtheunderbrush,itgrewthickthesedays.Nooneburneditnomore,everyonewasscaredofres,andnoonerememberedhowtodoitrightanyway.Thetreesweresmall,third,fourth,fth,sixthre-growthwithinthose360years.Housesconnedtograsscubicles,9generationsofpartitioningpioneersmeticulousintheirmisconceptions.Thisprogresswasalwayslookingforward,notimelookingback,justprospectsandprots. Thesetwochildrenofthewoodskneedeepinmuckwerealostrebel-
lion,ploddingalongsnaggingshouldersandshinsonthebramblesofbranches.Theywentwalkingeveryday,itdidntmatterwhere,butalwaysthroughthewoods.Thisroamingromancegrewsmallereveryyear,theirconversationscondensedandconcentratedwhiletheforestgrewsmaller.Invisibleboxwallsofreclusiveneighborsencroached,turfsprayedupongradedearth,intrudingontheircollectivecommongroundofthorns. Thetwohadplentytotalkabout,butlesstolookatsotheyendedupatthebar.TherewasaTVinthere,alwaysonplayingMTIorsports.ThePop-cornboxpoppedgreasyrobotkernelssprayedwithcandybutter,asthebottlebeerbrewedwithtapwaterandfearowedtorrents.Thiswasallbydesign,of
course. Atthebarthecoupleusuallytalkedwithexcitementforawhile,butsoonthehumandbuzzcarriedtheireyesandearstocontrivedlandsofmythicreality.Farawayplacestheydnevervisit,lledwithpeoplelookingexactlylikethem,theydneverseeagain.
Justgetitoffmequickplease! Allright,alrightIgotem. Crouchedinthebrush,clutchingthecreaturebetweenhisthumbandforengerhepulleditoffherneck.Gentlyheputthelittleheadslightlyover
theedgeofhisrightthumbnail.Inonesharpmovement,theleftthumbguil-lotinemechanicallyandunceremoniouslypoppedthebugsheadoff.ThebloodofamillionmammalsswelledasmallbubbleatthetopofthebodywithadisgustedickMoodydroppedtheexoskeletoncarcasstothegroundinvisibly.
Ifuckinghateticks.YouknowIdeclaredwaronthelittlebastardsright? Really?shesaidpretendingshehadneverheardthisbefore. YupwhenImdone,therewontbeanotheroneofthoselittlesuck-ersonthisisland.
Thetruthwastheyhadthissamelittledanceeveryday,andshealwayspretendedthiswasthersttimeshehadeverheardhisdecree. Thewoodswereinfested,youcouldntwalkastepwithoutatickwav-ingitslittlearmsandcatchingaride.Bothoftheirskinhadbecomesensitive,itwasaveryparticularfeelingthelittlescurrybeforethebite.Instanceandinstincthadhonedtheirmuscleswhichinvoluntarilynabbedtheparasiteasitmadethegreatscramble.Moodyalwaysmutilatedthem,whileChuriceusually
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justickedthemoutofsightandoutofhermind.
Moodywouldpinchtheinsect,proclaimhisdeclarationofwar,thensnaphisthumbnails.Hedidthisallthewhileaskingtheaudienceiftheythoughtitpossiblehecouldridtheislandofthismenacinginsect.Somenoddedyeswithencouragement,someweredisgusted,somewereinterestedinhispro-ciencyinslaughteringthebug,andmostwouldsincerelysayIdoubtit. Mostpeoplenow-a-dayswereinfectedwiththeticksickness,andmostofemdidntwanttotalkorthinkaboutit.Thiswasallbydesign,ofcourse. MoodyandChuricecontinuedonthedeertrail,silentforasecondasthewordmomentumgainedsteamintheirthroats. ItfeelssogoodinhereIhatelookingatthattowerallthetimeout
there. Iknow,IthinkthisistheonlyplaceontheislandIdontfeelitwatch-ingme. Thewordssunkinastheysqueezedthroughapatchofgreenbriar,thenontheothersidetheirconversationpickedbackup. Irememberasakid,mypopswouldtellmeboutdaysbeforetheybuiltthatthing. Moody,youmeanyourdadwasalivebeforeitgotbuilt? Ohyeah,itwasputupwhenhewasagradyschooler,theycutdownallthoseacresofbigforestandploppedittherethesamemonth.
IwishIwasalivethen,beforethetower Yeahmetooahwell,itsadifferentworldnow-a-daysanyways. Theywereontheedgeofthewoodsstandingupontheprecipiceoflife,theysteppedoutontothesidewalk.ShadyLanewasfamiliarwithitsneatgreensquaresterminatingperfectlyatthechemicalcrackseparatingthecement.Thesoundofahundredthousandlawncutters,weedwhackers,leafbellowersanddirtsuckers,screamedfromthebackyards,astheystrolledinthesunlightonshadylane. TheMindyBarsatsquareahead,theynoddedtotheregularsastheypassedthroughthedoorsteppinguptothebar,takingtheirplace.Abowlof
popcorn,candycoated,appearedbeforethemandsoontheywereswallowedbytwosterilizedjugsofglug.MeanTeenIslandwasjustgettingstartedonthebigscreen,andeveryonesettledintowatchtodaysepisode.
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Alarms Ring for a Reason, Part 3/3 KevinBelew
DamnJustintakeiteasy.Tracysaidasshewasknockedbackby
Justin.Ohshitsorry,sorryTracy.Tracywasonherass,parked,inthepark-inglot.Sheshothimapissedglance,Whatthefuck?SamanthawasquicktodefendJustin,Ohshit,Tracy,weweretryingtogetawayfromthisdrunkbitchinthere.Ginolooked,dumbfounded,caughtinthemiddle.Tracywasstillonherass,alittlebuzzedevidently.Ginowalkedoverandpickedherup.TracylookedatSamantha,Wellisthisbitchthatbad?Because,prettymuch,shecausedmetogetknockedonmyasshereandnowIfeellikeknockingsomebodyontheirass.Ginoalittletickledsaid,No,ifitsthegirlIthinkitis,shesnotworthit.GinolookedoveratJustinandJustinnoddedtohim.GinolookedoveratTracythenbackatJustin,Justinwherewegoing?Justin
bynowhadSamanthasarminhis.Hefeltitwouldbeagoodnightsohesaid,Fuckit.LetsheadovertoOscarsplace.Ginolitup,OhyeahIforgotaboutArchsmessage.Letsdoit.JustinwinkedatSamanthaandledhertothepas-sengersideofthecaddyandopenedthedoor.ShesteppedinasTracyandGinotooktheirseatsintheback. GinoandTracywerecoolinthebackseatthistimeasJustingotontothehighway.JustinaskedGino,HeywhereexactlyisOscarsagain?Ginotoldhim,Itsthreemoreexits,thengoleftbackoverthehighwayandfollowthattillyouhitcityparkroad.Takethatrightanditsattheendontheright.SamanthasqueezedJustinsarmalittle,SowhatsgoingonoveratOscars
tonight?Justinglancedatherquickly,Idontknowexactly?MyfriendArchiecalledandleftamessagethattheywerehavingapartyoverthere.Andthattherewouldbelotstodrinkandsmoke.Ginosidebustedinontheconver-sation,Ahheknowswhatsgoingonoverthere.Therellbeacouplebandsandashitloadofpeople.Justinlaughedalittle,Yeahhesright.Thatsmostlikelywhatitllbe. Theygottotheendofcityparkroadandturnedrightintoagraveldriveway.Theywentpastthehousewheretheycouldseealitupbarn,lledwithpeople,inthedistance.Theyparkedshortlyafterthehousewhereabouttwentyothercarswereparked.Justinbackedhiscarinthespotthatwasfarthest
fromthebarnbuttheclosesttothehouse.TheygotoutandSamanthaasked,Sowhatsupwiththebarn?Justinanswered,Itswherethebandsplayandprettymuchwheretoparty.Theywerewalkingtowardsthebarn,abouthalfwaytherewhentheystartedtoheartheelectricguitarsanddrums.SamanthaturnedtoJustin,HeyJustinIforgotmypurse,Ihadacouplejointsinit,wouldyouwalkwithmebacktothecar?JustinyelledovertoGino,HeyGinodidyoubringanyweedwithyou?Ginolookedback,NahmanIjustbroughtsomepillsandcoke.Justinyelledback,YouguysgoaheadImgonnawalkSamanthabacktothecar.Sheleftacoupleofjointsinherpurse.GinoandTracydidntmissabeatastheykeptwalking.JustinturnedtowardSamantha
andtheywalkedbacktothecar. Soyouveneverbeenherehuh?JustinaskedSam.Shehadherarminhisagain.No.Iveheardofthisplacethough.Justinlookeddownastheywalked.Theyweresilentforawhile.Yaknow,Idontreallyknowyouatall,Iwaswonderinghowoldyouare.Samanthasmiledandtoldhim,Imtwenty-fourrightnow.Justinlookedoverather,Whatsthatsupposedtomean,rightnow?Samanthalaughed,ItmeansthatintwodaysIllbetwenty-
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ve.Justinfeltrelieved.Samanthablurted,Whyhowoldareyou?Justin
stilllookingather,Well,Iamtwenty-ve,rightnow.Shesmiledevenlargerthanbefore,Good,itsnicetobewithsomeonemyownage.Theywerebackatthecar. JustingotthedriversdoorunlockedandletSamanthain.Shegotin,movedtothepassengerseatandmotionedforhimtogetintosaying,Heygetinhereletssmokeoneofthesejointstogether. Justingotintothecar.HesatdownatthewheelandturnedhisbodyrighttowardsSamanthaassheputthejointtohermouthandraisedthelightertoit.Shetookahitandhandedhimthejoint.SamanthastaredatJustinasshespoke,YouknowInoticedyoustaringatmeatGinos.Justincoughedabit
fromthejointandspokeinawheeze,Nono.Heregainedhiscomposure,Nono,Isawyoustaringatme,besidesyouofferedmethatjointremember.Samanthatookthejointbetweentwongers.YourerightIdidofferyouthatjoint.Ithoughtthatitwasveryniceofyoutooffermethebeer.Nomatterwhatitwas,KingCobra.ShetookanotherhitandpasseditbacktoJustin.Justintookthejointandlookedather.HeyIvegotaseriousquestionforyou.SamanthastartedtosaysomethingbutJustincuthershortwithoutknowingit.Doyoureallythinkthatamanandawomancanmakeitfaithfully-JustinwascutoffbySamantha,DontevenworryJustin.Ifeelverycomfortable.Nowareyougoingtohitthejoint?Justinblushedinthenightandhitthejoint.
Shedeclinedsoheleanedforwardandputitoutintheashtray.Ashepulledhisheaduphenoticedshehadmovedalittlecloser.Theystaredateachotherandsheaskedhim,Wellareyougoingtokissmeorwhat?Justinputhisarmaroundherwaist,pulledherinandkissedher Justinlookedather.Shehadexceededanyaestheticexpectations.Shelooksgreatnaked.Justinthought.Heywhenwasthelasttimeyoumadeitinacar?Samanthalaughedloudly.Ilikethat,shesaidmadeit.What,areyoufromtheseventies?Justinsaid,Icouldhaveeasilyaskedyou,Whenwasthelasttimeyoufuckedinacar.NoIlikemadeit.Itsclassy.Shesaid.Shedidntanswerthequestion.Hedidntcareanymore.Justinkissedher
onthemouth,Alrightletsgetbacktotheparty.Someonemightthinkwewerefuckinginthecar.Sherespondedquickly,Makingit! JustinandSamanthawalked,arminarm,backtowardsthebarn.AstheyapproachedtheentrancetheysawGinoandTracyjustoutside.Acrowdin-sidepacked.Bodieswereseenjostlingoneanotherandoccasionallyonewouldyoutofthebarnandrushbackin.Themusic,someformofpunkormetal,wasassaulting.Itaredoutdistortedlikebuckshotpiercingthemallardcausingthemtoslamtogetherandrunincircles.AtribalfuckyoudancetotheU.C. HeyGino!JustinyelledtappingonGinosshoulder.Hey,whereyouguysbeen?yelledGinogrinning.Justintoldhim,Wegotherpurseand
endedupsmokingoneofthejoints!GinolookedthroughthecrowdthenturnedtowardsJustin,Letsgetouttahere!Youseethosebagsofshitoverthere?Ginopointedthroughthecrowdtowardsacoupleofguysattheotherendofthebarn.Justinlookedoverandrecognizedtheguys.AhfuckitGino,theyreharmless,theyrejustabunchofobliviousassholes!Themusiccontin-uedtoblastandthemallardsfellandtwistedandgotbackup. Justindrovebackupcityparkroadtookaleftthenarightandwasback
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onthehighwaygainingspeed.Hepickedituptoabouteightyandthegirlsgot
alittlenervous.Tracyprotested,Justinslowdownabit,huh?Justinrealizedhewasspeedingandsloweditdowntosixty-ve. Itwaseasyforhimtogetlostintheluxury(ofhisfourdoorCadillac)thatcouldeasilyteight,withsomeextrabodiesinthetrunk. SamanthamouthedthankyoutoJustinforslowingdown. AstheCadillacgotclosertoJustinshouse,helookedoverandsawthecrimescenefromearlier,heasked,Heyyouguyswannagrabthatbottleandgoovertothatparkwherethatkidgotkilled?Everyoneagreedthatitwouldbeagreatideatodosomeprivateinvestigating. Justinpulleduptohishousecurbsideandparked.Hetoldthemtowait
outsidehedbebackwiththebottleinasecond.Hewasinandoutandcamebacklaughing,Sorryguysthisisallwegotleft.JustinheldoutthebottleofOldCrowwithonlythedregsofthebottleleft.Helaughedagainandsaid,Dontworrywecangohitthecornerstoreveblocksdown. TheywalkedtothestoreandJustinpurchasedapintofOldCrow.Theywalkedbacktowardsthehouseandcrossedthestreettotheparkwherethemur-derhadbeencommitted.Theysawasignontheentrancetothepark.Theysawrosaries,crucixes,wreathsandhandwrittensignsattachedtothefence.Therewasalsoanofcialsignthatread,Crimesceneentrydenieduntilclearancehasbeenissued.Gino,alittlefuckedup,said,Fuckit.Hejumpedtheentrance
fenceandwasinthepark.Theotherthreefollowedsuit.Theywalkedpastthebleachersandontothebaseballeldwheretheygottowhatlookedlikealargedarkstainontheineld.Theystoppedjustshortofitandhadanimpromptumo-mentofsilence.Theystoodsilentstaringatthestain.Justinspokeuprst,ManIhaveneverbeenthisclosetoamurderscenebefore.Hetoldthemofhowhehadseenthepolicequestioningthekidsearlier.OfhisimaginingsandhowtheyhadmatcheduptoTracysrecount.Canyoubelievethis?Imeanthiskidsparentsandhisfamily.Andtomorrowtherewillbekidsstampingtheineldnotgivingafuck.Heopenedthepintbottlepouredalittleoutandtookagoodpull.Imeanfuck.Ifeelnothingatthisscene.Notonebitofempathy.Peopleare
born,peopledieandtheearthkeepsspinning.IfeelnothingbutHetrailedoffandpassedthebottle.Samantha,staringatthestain,sawthebottleperipher-ally.Shegrabbedit,staringatthestain,hadagooddrinkandpassedit,staringatthestain.
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Lying and Dying SarahKrebs
Icoulddietomorrow
peacefullytrustmeIhavealreadyswamnakedinthosebluebluewarmwatersthatyouseeonyourtv(coastofSpainbaby)smokedsomanyjointsenoughtowipeoutoneofthosegrowfarmsupinmendocino
beeninlovewithyoulongenoughevenstillaphonecallfromyoustillsendsshockwavesthroughmyheartandallthatshitafteralltheseyearsdarlineventhoughIaminlovewithsomeoneelseandthereisallthatbluebluewater
separatingmeandhimyouontheotherhandarenotsofarawayandinmylifeIhavelovedyoumoreinmylifeIhavedoneitallIcandiepeacefullytrustme
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Paris September 30th SarahKrebs
andeveryotherdayinSeptember
goeslikethiswakenoearlierthan11amalthoughhisalarmstartsringingsometimesat9sowhatdoyoudoalldayinPariswithallyourfreetime?nothingdoesitlooklikeIdosomething?theenglishdjisoffendedsaysthefrencharepretentious
sayshecantndanyXbesidesthefrenchsnortcokeonepartyafterthenextallabadjokegototheatmbaddestjokeofalldidntbringenoughcashorpartyonlydressesthatiswhy
IwantedtodrinktheteaevenwitheveryonebeingheresothatthenestwouldfallfromthetreewemakeloveagainstmothernatureswishesIknowIwillbetheonetopayIstarttothinkthisanotheroneofyourtestsifitisIcouldcarelessrevisionthetitleofthispoemis
ParisSeptember28THIlosttrackofthedaysmylungsrevolttheconstantinfernoinmythroatnowbeweenmylegsotherthingstranspireIhavebeenmadeawomanandre-madeawomaninParisyoueitherhave
ragsoryouhaverichesifyouknowtherightpeoplethepartiesarefunchampagnedinnerscherriesripeforthepickingthemorningsnotrealityreallynotbillstopay
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notcitiestobomb
justyouandmewoundupincloudsofcoverstouchingalloveryouwillnotteasemetillwearesittingproperlyatthebreakfasttablesomaywestayinbedabitlongerdear?mothernatureforgetsandforgivesshehasgotmoreimportantmatterstodealwiththan
whatgoesonbetweenawomanslegs
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What Happens When You Drink Too Many Superior Light BeersSarahKrebs
Ihave
onesuperiorlightbeerbytheendofthebottlethereisnothingsuperioraboutitmymommatellsmetorestIthinkIhavebeenrestingthenIrememberthinkingispuremurderIwakeupinParismyfrenchisawlessmythighsareperfect
thebabyonmyhipisnotagmentofmyimaginationoutthewindowgoesalltheconditionssometimesIforgetIamstrongerthanIgivemyselfcreditformybreastwerequitethestatementnowtheyaresilentjustteardropsrollingdownhischeekwejokeaboutimplantsIsomehowmanagetokeepmy
selfrespectintactshudderatthethoughtofwomenwhobirthbabieswhiletheyhavetheirtitsinatedIlookintheeyesofmybabyIlookintheeyesofmyloveronehashisconditionstheotherdoesnt
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Unholy Grail JohnCosta
Letsplayacardgame,S.suggested.
Soundsgood,T.agreed. Iwashesitant.Whatgamearewegoingtoplay?Iasked. WeregoingtoplayEgyptianRatScrew.S.insisted. Thesmallupstairsapartmentwasclutteredwithbooksandvideogames.ATVlaysidewaysonthecarpetamongsttheemptyfoodwrappers.Thelightingbeingunusuallybrightgaveoffastagnantheat,andthereIwas,inachairatthesmallroundtablewithtwopeopleIthoughtIknew. SowestartedplayingthisgameIdneverheardof,Iwastoodistractedtocaremuchandjuststaredatthedeckandthebackofthebicyclecardswithdistanteyes.Alltheintricatecoloredlinesandthetwoopposingcherubwiththe
thinwhiteborder.Iswallowedmyphlegm;wedbeensmokinghashishallnight.Thecardshadthatperfecttextureforgrippingandslidingacrossthetable,S.shufedthemwithease.Thefacesoftheirroyalfamilyandtheunaffectedeyesastheystoodonthefaceofthecardinblandprimarycolorswereswipedintoadeckdividedamongstthethreeofus. Therules,saidtoinvolvepilingcardsinasettoaparticularmethodandslappingthesetupontriggeredpatternsthatjustwerentthere.IwasstonedanddidntreallycareplusIwasgettingantsyandtiredandfeltclaustrophobic. Alright,Imtakingoff. Istoodupandgavetheobligatorypeaceoutthenwalkedoutthedoor
closingitbehindme.Theskywasdarkandfullofomniscientcloudsofdoomwithacoldfogandcrispbreezeblowingelectricitythroughtheair;Isteppedouttotheconcreteandletoutadeepsightothewinternight. Iwenttomycardimlylitunderthecarportandgotin.Crumpledciga-rettepacks,termpapers,books,tapesscatteredthebrownleatherinterior,oldcarsmellandstalesmoke.Ipulledoutofthelotandheadedhome.Iturnedontheheaterandpushedinthecigarettelighterafterpressingplayonthetapedeck. AlocalbandcalledDesertCitySoundtrack;Igotthedemotapefromtheshowattheinnofthebeginning.Smokingmycigarettelisteningdeeplytothemelancholictrumpetsighingoverthedownedtempopianomelodies,all
complimentedbydrumsandcrescendosofsoundclipsfromrareindependentlms. Therewasnooneelselostonthegreyfreeway,itwaslateandaweek-nightinmyhometown,Iturnedintosuburbiaandparkedacrossfromthehouse.Thewhitecherubstatuettesatthereonthepicketfencewithitsbabyangelwingsanditschippedsmiletowardsme. Iturnedoffthecarandjustsatthereforasecondbreathingthecoldairdownmythroatandintomylungs,listeningtothetape.Itfadedouttosilenceandreeledtoaclick. Ididntwanttogoinside.Ididntwanttogetoutofthecar.
So,lookingforanothertapeinthecenterconsoleIfoundablankcassetteIwasntfamiliarwith,ithadjustonelabelwithchickenscratchesofaHappyBirthday,agift? Whatstartedoutpoorlyrecordedguitarchordscuthalfwaythroughachorusabruptlybrokenbydeeplaughter?Thentosoundsofameagerparty. Ijerkedmyheadtotherightasagureappeareddirectlyoutsideofmypassengerwindow,agiantanddarklytranslucentprayingmantisswayingback
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andforthmenacinglystaringcoldintomyeyes,itwantedtoeatmealive.
ParalyzedbyfearIstaredintoitskillereyes. Thetapebuzzedtothefearandtwohighelfvoiceschatteringandlaughingindifferentatthesituations. Thebugsnotreal. Huh? Itistheshadowofthetrees. Theywereright,itwastheshadowofthetrees...swayinginthewind,yetstillIstaredandlistenedasthisforeignghostsurroundedtheatmospheretakingholdofthesituation. Moveyourheadleftupthere.Themachineelvescommandedmy
everymove.Bewildermentlledmyparalyzedbodyupanddownsmearedwithrelicfearsofsomedemonicforce. Muahahahahahahahaha!Thehighpitchedelveslaughedinhystericalsequenceandsynchronicity.Allmyfearsweretransmittedthroughthehauntedtape.InutterdreadIfellintothishypnosisstaringintotheinsecteyesswayingbackandforth. Iswallowedmyfearandgotoutofthecarlookingbothways,andslidthetapeinmypocketandwalkedthroughthedoor. Itossedandturnedinmybed,mybodystiffandancient,crumblinglikeastatueorafallenidol,stuckininsomnia.Ijustlaythereeyeballsstared
intotheceilingandbeyond Igotupandtookthetapeoutanddecidedtogureitout. Icopiedittomycomputer,sloweddownIheardaconversationaboutforeignpolicyduringworldwartwoandslowedfurtheritdrewouttoabuzzingsoundyetclearlythechantofSixSixSix.Themarkofthebeast Whathadjusthappened? Demonicpossession? SuddenlyitwasfreezingcoldandIcouldseemybreath.Ishutthecomputerdownasmynervesdidthesame,closingthewindowIippedtheblinds,andfellasleep.
IdreamtIwaswaitingatthetransit;noonewastherebutme. Andeverythingwasgrey. Adyingwindblewtrashdownthestreet.Thethoughtofagirlcrossedmymindbutonlybrieythenthethoughtdisappearedlikethedustinthegut-ters. Igotupandstartedtowalk;Iturnedacornerandstumbledupsomestairs.ItgotdarkeranddarkerasIfollowedthestepsintothedark,andthenitwasallblack,exceptinthecementthere,aluminescentshininglampemittingdarknessthroughanenigmaofthickectoplasmsmokeradiatingshadowaslight. InstinctivelyIreachedforthelamp.
AsItoucheditIawokeinbedwithmyeyesopenwithadarkmatteredtranslucentdemoncomingupfrommychestashingasinistersneerviolentlychokingmeagainstthemattress. Twomorepairsoftranslucenthornspokedfromeithersideofme. Theygrabbedmyarmsandheldmewithhellishgrins. TheonepokinghiswaistoutfrommychestslammedmeharderandItriedtoscreambutnosoundcameout.
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Ishutmyeyesinhorrorandforamomentdiedinside.
FranticallyIprayedGodmakeitstop. Justthenablindinglightshapedlikeabellcamespiralingthroughthewindowoatingdowngracefullysuckingthedemonslikeavacuumspinningbackoutfromwhenceitcame. ThenIwasalone. Thatswhenthenauseasettled. Athickdwellingpitturnedinmystomachtowhatfeltlikerocks. VomitingIrantothetoilet. Ifellsprawledburninginmythroatonmyhandsandkneesinshock. Apairoftentacleinsectparasitesswamdeathlyinapoolofvomitand
blackblood. MyeyesthroughtheceilingIhelplesslyshoutedoutsavemeagainandagain.Mystepfatherbrokethedoordownscreaming. Whatthehellisgoingon?! VaguelyawareofmysisterAngelinthenextroomrunningwaterasshebangedonthewall. NOOOOOOOOOO!!!Sheshriekedinhorror. Stop!Thisishowdemonsmanifest.Shecriedthenwept. Saveme!Againandagainandagain. Itookabreathinshockagonyanddespairandushedthetoiletknow-
ingthosethings,whatevertheywere,wouldhauntmeforyearsleavingmesufferinginexistentialdespairwonderingwhathadreallyhappened. ThatyeartheheatburnedoutslowlyinanIndiansummer. Ascarecrowinthedistancewithapurplecoatandapumpkinheadhunglifelessabovethedryeld,woodenbonesabovethehay. Fliesbuzzedallmechanicalcirclingityingthroughectoplasm,trailsoftetragrams.Landingonyourfaceandskull,throughyourearsanddiggingintoyournose,pryingrightthroughyourporesandboringintoyouresh,squirmingmaggotsdevouring. Theeldanddeadtreeandskyandeverythingfellintored,thenfaded
toaheartypurple. Allswellinglikeapulpingveinthendyedtoapocalypticgreywhenpitchblacksilencearoseforalleternity.
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What It Feels Like BarbaraONeil
Soyouwannaknowwhatitfeelslike
Ontheinsideofthisshell,wellItfeelslikeaquickdrink,Feelslikeashatteredsmile.
Onthissideofdenial,feelslikeacoolbreeze.Deepinsidethisthought,thisshoveonyourshoulderEveryminutewegrowolder.
Andwedontstop.Wedontknowhowtoquit.Wastedtimeinthissportsbar.Idratherripmynailfromskin.
ButIdontstop.Evenyoumayquit.
AhurriedquicknessAmomentssickness.HighqualitydelusionAloneandsurroundedbymediocrehopesandlives.
WhatapityIeventried.
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Untitled KateBurke
Seven.BeforeIbecameabad
exampleformyselfandlearnedtheart(lesson)offallingdown.
Beforeamindcouldwraparounditselffully.Knowhowcellsmaymalfunctionandthat
Beastsdonthavetohavesharpteeth,tobedeadly.
Beforeloss.Or,realizingtheintegrityofaliverspurpose.Thattherewillbenoreectioncomebottomofanemptypintglass.
Evenifyourelookingforit.
BeforeIknewyourhands.Tough,weathered.Liketheseasonwevebeenavoiding.Bruised,oftenlate..Backwardseven.Tasteless.
BeforeI
knewbetter.
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Untitled KyleEnright
asurferonawave
crashingintoshorewaterbreaksaboveheadhardrockssmashingboneseawaterllsthelungsthebodysinkstosandacurrentdragsitoutnowadrowningman
youlovedtheocean,
itloveskillingyou.
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