MY LIFE IS

LIKE AN OPEN

DIARY (Mini Biography)

By –Sweta Leena Panda

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U can’t hide Truth, My life is like a open book even I don’t

fear to tell truth . I believe U CAN’T HIDE THE TRUTH ,

U CAN’T MODIFY THE TRUTH , AS TRUTH IS ONE &

UNIQUE . U CAN’T DO ANYTHING WITH IT . If you wanna

know my life read my all articles fully. I hope u can get

whole idea about my life, my style. Everything about me.

ANYONE CAN SPREAD FAKE NEWS BUT NO ONE CAN’T

HIDE TRUTH. Anyone can frighten you through false issues

but no one can frighten you through truth. SO MY LIFE

MY PRINCIPLE IS – LIVE LIFE LIKE DECENT WAY

WITHOUT FEAR

Please read whole article – hope u all understand my life. My actual life

started from here. As I spend my important period here J please read

…… FULLY …

Hello friends,

Now I gonna share my whole hostel career,

what are my mistakes & how I faced problems in my life, everything

I have written here. How I turn into matured girl form a fool &

stupid girl. I feel I have learnt many things from my life <Frankly

speaking >. The 5years is sufficient to learn what I could not learn

from my childhood days. But before blaming others I gonna tell what

are my faults. Because no one is perfect even if I also. So now I

gonna tell my faults then I’ll tell about others & I have marked

people love to connect my name with everyone & blame me without

any reason. But sorry till now I have no boy friend or any love issue.

if you wanna know then read the whole article , hope u all

understand me…neither in my school life nor in my present life but I

always fall in the controversy , I don’t know why ? Why people love

to spread rumors about my name.? yeah, I am over serious about

my career & dream as I know very well in this world, if you have no

good name or no name in society then nobody will come to help you

even if nobody understand you what you want & what you can do. I

don’t need anyone to make me famous, I need little support, I have

power to do everything by own but I need mental support. A little

support does not mean I use them for my self-propose. So how can

you take my every case in negative sense? I wanna get success but it

does not mean I LOVE TO USE OTHERS OR I WANNA SHOW MY

FAKE EMOTIONS LIKE LOVE…sorry, I am not that kind of girl.

yeah, I love to make friendship even if I love to know about everyone

but it doesn’t mean I can love everyone…I AM VERY SERIOUS

ABOUT THIS LOVE ISSUE & I CAN’T FALL IN LOVE SO EASILY.

YEAH, SOMETIMES I TAKE IT AS FUN PROPOSES BUT I DON’T

TAKE IT GRANTED EVERY TIME LOVE IS A GREAT MEAN TO ME

& I RESPECT IT & BELIEVE IT SO MUCH…

MY FAULTS

1) I talk very less 2) Most of the time I live alone 3) I give more importance to my dream & career then any relation like friendship 4) Something which always hurts me like my childhood dream to become a doctor. It makes me mentally weak. I can’t forget my failure & anything which hurt me a lot easily. 5) I always silent whatever the situation comes that’s the reason nobody can feel what’s going inside me, I never clarify anything. 6) Little bit jealous about my career.

So these are my faults …. But I wanna rectify some of my nature,

as these things act as a hill in front of my success. I have no

problems with my family or with any of my family members , I love

to stay united & Big family , but I have problems with my friends,

but why ? Sometimes I ask this question to me, what’s wrong with

me, why my relationship with my friends is not perfect. Yeah, it’s

true in today’s’ world if you will be complicated & double face then

you will surely win this life race. Which I can’t do, neither I can be

complicated nor double faced. Because I have seen the people who are

double face they have many friends with very good relations. It

astonished me, as I always make friendship truly, but I always fail to

keep. What comes in my heart I always tell, yeah, sometimes it also

rough type but I never like to tell lie or act as their well wiser. I

don’t like show up. But for this I always lose my friends.

Sometimes I wanna change my nature & to follow that worst path

to get friends. But my heart says, it’s better to live with your

principle, if someone truly know you then they will stay with you.

NOW I GONNA START MY LIFE

STORY FROM THE BEGINNING

1991-2006

I born in 1991 in baripada in Orissa. That was a

stormy night, mean I born in the mind night 2’o

clock, when the rain was raining heavily & no current

was there. I born in the tragedy time means rain was

raining heavily & even a stormy night. I have not

experienced: D what my parents & RELATIVES

describe me. That’s the reason People call me in

many names related to storm & rain blew :P I have

not one name I have 1000s of name if anyone go to

my village even in my family everyone call me in

different name. as I was the only girl child at that

time , so everyone love me even I also love everyone

Even my nick name is “MAMUNI” that’s not given

by my parents yeah my parents call me “MAMA”,

“MAMUNI” name was given by our owner of the

house where my papa & mama were living in 1991 ,

the couple have 5 sons & no daughter , they want a

daughter as I was kid & even I was looking cute so

that also take me as their daughter & gave me a new

name “MAMUNI” & request my mom to keep this

name for life long , that’s the reason now also my

nick name is MAMUNI , at that time my papa was

working in entrepreneur development job at first 1991

. That was a beautiful job but alas that company

forced to shut down due to some reason, my papa

was also a very well educated person. He was PASSED

IN MATHEMATICS HONORS in Banivihar

Bhubaneswar. He was the handsome hunk in his time.

He has participated many dramas,

MY PAPA WAS ACTING AS HERO IN HIS TIME - DRAMA IN PROTECT CHILD MARRIAGE

(BANIVIHAR - MATH HONORS TIME)

even I have the pics also and even he was in many

well positions in his college career. At that time

lectures have no demands even he didn’t want to do

job under state government so he didn’t join in

lecture jobs. he wanna do something different , he

had a different aim , he wanted to do MCA &

wanted to see himself in a good position .even he had

done the computer course , I am talking about 1988-

89 case , he was a brilliant student but

unfortunately he missed To join MCA so he bounded

to join in entrepreneur job , even at the age of 24+

he entered into responsibility life means he married

my mom , my mom married in my age “22” :P my

mom also well educated she was a ARTS student ,

she wanted to join in teacher job but due to family

pressure she couldn’t as in our family married women

were not allowed to go outside for job. At that time

our family was conservative family. Specially my

grandpapa , as he was a landlord at that time. His

respect was greater for him. But after my birth 1991

after 5-6 months my papa got a job in central

government job means in Railway. at first he think

about give up but he joined for me, at first he had

no interest still he joined as in railway you will get

better payment even central government job even

many facilities are there that’s the reason even he

didn’t want he still join, he wanted I should get

better education, Even he has many expectations on

me. He wanted to see me a good person as well as a

well educated person. That’s the reason he tried his

best to give me good education, “he can compromise

with his dress & his food but not with our (me &

my brother) education or dress or food. He sacrificed

many things for us. Which hurt me most of the time

what I gave him?”

When I born some people also there who hated me at

that time as I was a girl child , of course that was

1991 time at that time also there was a difference

between boy child & girl child. But after I grow up

everyone started loving me due to my behavior &

personality. Even till my grand mama’s death I even

never scolded by my parents as I was the soul of my

grandmamma, she loved me more than anyone else in

my family. Of course I was the only child at that

time in my family. Our family was a very small family

even one son generation family means my papa,

grandpapa & even his papa are the only son of their

parents. Even I proud that my family is a well

educated family. My grandpapa (My papa’s papa) was

an agriculture officer & my grandpapa (My mama’s

papa) was a mathematic lecture. So in our family

education is the first priority .That’s the reason

when my grandparents saw my good performance in

my school they felt proud for me & having a

granddaughter first.

My school days performance were very good, even every teachers

loved me at that time.

MY PAST GOOD ACHIEVEMENTS - SOME I HV , SOME I BURNT !

https://www.facebook.com/sweta.panda/media_set?set

=a.483215735100658.1073741836.100002367085

874&type=3

I can’t remind when I stood second in my class as

throughout my school life I stood first. My

performance was good throughout my school life, if

anyone wants ask anyone my parents or my relatives

or my past school teachers they can explain you

better than me Don’t ask My friends please :P But

I am a super unlucky girl, I never go for any tuition,

my papa & mama was my teacher through out my

school career they guided me every time. If I got

success if I am fundamentally clear in my school life

due to my parents & their guidance. But tragedy

always occurs in the last moment & important

moment in my life. Nearly at the mid time in

10th board my grand papa falls in paralysis. actually he

had gone for “4 DHAMA -THIRTHA YATRA”, due to

his heart attack he admitted in DELHI HOSPITAL &

After his treatment my papa came home with my

grandpapa who was a paralysis patient, it indirectly

harm my study as one side my relatives were coming

to see my grandpapa every time another side my

parents were busy in his service. I appeared my

10th board in too much disturbance. Finally I got 80%

in 10th that was real tragedy for me. As I my dream

was to secure more & even I have a dream college

where I actually wanna study. Due to so much

disturbance my papa decided to send me to hostel so

that I can read well there , I could study in

government but my papa send me to a privet college

as there I can get good education + good hostel with

all kinds of facilities even it will help me to become

self independent & become mature . KIIT is purely

secure for girls but sorry, not good for education

purpose. But he did not know my condition will be

worst there. I am responsible for my worst condition

, as that was my first hostel life so I take everyone

as my own , even I am very serious for my education

, I take everyone as my family that was my greatest

mistake I ever done at that time.

My hostel life is from

2007 – 2014

2006-2008

MY 12th

COLLEGE LIFE:-

I was so much excited to stay in hostel, as I felt boring in my home.

Actually in my home & even if in our colony no one was in my age,

so most of time I felt boring. When I heard I am going to hostel I

planned many thing how I’ll spend my hostel life, as there will be no

parents who will judge your works , so you can do anything. No one

will be there to scold you or beat you. I was so happy. After

reaching at hostel I made friendship with everyone, no doubt I was

little bit shy nature but I too love to make friendship & talk with

everyone. No doubt I choose one single room for myself, as from the

beginning I can’t read in the crowd or where many people are

reading, so I choose a single room for study propose. every parents

came & they become astonished , how I chose to stay in a single

room , they also asked me many questions about this single room

means - why choose to stay here , you don’t fear to stay alone ???

But I found one uncle was there who became so happy after looking

at me, he told me “what you will do at night if you will fear or any

ghost will come <IN JOCK>, I think you are a brave girl. it’s good u

choose a single room , even if I also love to read in a single room ,

so in my PG TIME I CHOSE TO STAY IN A SINGLE ROOM &

AFTER THAT I GOT IAS… so try your best to fulfill your dream. My

blessing is with you. ” his kind words brought tear in my eyes, as I

also came there with lots of hope & dream. I thanked him. Then my

time passed away, but I was very close with my side room, they

were like my roommate. most of the time I spend there , that’s

why many times our lady attendance scold me a lot as during study

time I disturb my friends. At that time I was so curious to make

friendship & to know everything about them. Even if my friends are

also very co-operative. they also helped me a lot.nearly one yaer

passed . First year final exam time – there was a girl in my section

,who was my bench mate , we always sit together, one day she told

me “I couldn’t stay with my roommates . She is disturbing me, can

I stay with you at least in exam time”. Then I allowed her, as exam

time is very vital & how much I give importance to my exam that

much importance I give to others also. I believe her blindly & I

allowed to stay with me till exam end. She was a good student but

poor in mathematics & chemistry. My Prime work was to teach her

math & chemistry everyday. At least I gave my 3- 4 hours to teach

her & I also too love to teach others. In home also I teach my

brother & my younger brothers & sisters. I too love to teach

others. Days passed & at last my one year completed, after coming

from vacation we came to know that we have to change our hostel.

Actually at first we were staying outside hostel, after one year in

our campus our hostel work completed, our superintendent told us

to choose your room mate. at that time my bench mate told me ,

she wanna stay with me, as we are from one section even if I was

studious & she also , so she also need a girl like me & her roommate

also tortured her a lot. So I allow her & another girl was there

whom I loved so much, as she was very innocent. I love to talk with

her, so I chose her as my room mate. We were so happy in our new

hostel. According to their demand I gave that bed to stay, as I

know we have to stay one year together, so I was trying to manage

my room in a good way. My room was odd type, means sunlight was

not passing properly & I can’t stay a room without sun light.

Seriously telling, as I was like a patient at that time. After coming

hostel means “KIIT” I could n’t care my health , as it was my first

hostel life & I didn’t know how to do my own work also, so I fall ill

most of the time & I was my own doctor. My papa had given me some

medicine to take when necessary, but I took as I want. So my

condition was very bad & second- light was not passing properly, my

bad luck. Alas, at least we have to spend one year there, so we try to

manage. My condition was totally worst; in day time also we have to

switch on the light because of me as no light was coming to my bad.

Still I managed. We were happy, but one day one case brook my heart.

one night one of my roommate whom I love so much , her condition

became so bad , she was vomiting so much & high fever , but when I

begged help to my other roommate she told me please don’t call me

otherwise I’ll vomited , so I clean the whole surface . no doubt it was

a painful experience because I also can’t bear any kind of bad smell ,

but I had to as her condition was very bad & she was not in the

position to talk . so my whole night became sleepless , but in the next

morning when I was in bathroom she told my ill roommate that I

didn’t call her, if I called her , then she could help her .”so sorry for

that , I couldn’t help you yesterday night even if I didn’t know”. But

my other roommate knew me very well as she was staying in my block

& I also loved her so much. So she didn’t belive her words at first. No

doubt I didn’t know about this matter, but one day I came to know

about all these cases. Days also passed, my condition became worst day

by day, finally I felt if I’ll not tell my parents about my condition then

I’ll die. As I was took medicine whenever I felt like fever & one time

came no medicine worked properly , at that time my condition was

really very worst I could n’t sit properly & every time I was sleeping.

No doubt outside I was looking like healthy but inside i was dying. My

exam was also over my head, after coming to new hostel my health

became very worst, I couldn’t concentrate on my study. Because most

of the time I was in sleeping condition. I usually sleep 6 hours but at

that time I nearly slept 10-11 hours. It really hurt me a lot, one side

my final BOARD EXAM & another side my MEDICAL ENTRANCE preparation. I was

trying to read but my condition was very bad , at first I could n’t

understand what is going – but after two month I felt , I am sleeping

due to my disease, which I didn’t know. So I informed about this to

my parents, after coming from medical I was severely scolded by my

papa, as my condition was so bad & I didn’t inform him. MY BLOOD-PRESSURE WAS LOW & IT WAS THE PRELIMINARY STAGE OF ASTHMA & JAUNDICE,

AT A TIME BOTH. so my parents & my uncle didn’t allow me to go

hostel, there for I stayed at my uncle’s home for 7 days but I had to

go hostel because of my monthly test & attendance . My main

problem was if I’ll not attend the class then how I can understand

those. one side high power medicine & another side busy routine ( 7

AM – 5 PM ) But I had no problem , I also slept in my class room,

no doubt I always sit in the first bench but when I felt sleepy I went

to the last branch & slept there. It was not my mistake, my high

power medicine side effect. One monthly test finish but I secured very

poor mark in every subject, especially math, where I never secured less

than “25” out of “30”. in that monthly test I secured only “8” , I

remembered , how my mam scold me , even if she told me to leave

the class for this kind of number. as 1-2 times I had got the highest

mark in my class , mam though I am not reading properly , that’s

why I got this kind of result , she also loved me lot. but it hurt me

a lot so I told her everything about my health , she also promised me

to teach me further. But all teachers were not like her. One side my

poor performance another side my bad health. Every day I woke up at

morning 6.30-45 & I went to my bad 8- 9…so i didn’t get time for

self study. But I always astonished one thing I didn’t know who always

switch off my alarm, as to wake up early I set my alarm timing to 4

o’clock AM . Even if I also told my roommate if anyone listen my

alarm bell please wake me, as I had to read. But everyday same

condition. My condition was totally terrible 2-3 months left for my

final board exam & I didn’t touch most of the chapters of many

subjects . My condition became so poor; finally I decided not to take

medicine. As for that I sleep a lot. But one day one case further broke

my heart. It was nearly 4 o’clock, I wake up. but I didn’t want to

read as I felt sleepy & my eyes were closed , suddenly I felly someone

stood besides my bad , when I opened my eyes, I couldn’t believe – my

roommate whom I helped a lot , she changed my alarm timing & made

it 6o’clock then switch off it. No words came from my mouth, I was

totally aback. Tear fall from my eyes, as I always felt I always switch

off my alarm in sleepy condition. Even if I also asked my roommates

about this matter they also told me you might have done this. As you

are always in sleeping mood. So I ways in this illustration that I switch

off my alarm everyday. But I was wrong. In that night I cried a lot. As

I couldn’t tolerate cheating, this may be the first case of my life. I

woke up early nearly 6 o’clock. It was new to my roommates, who

switch off the alarm she told me in a sweet tone “how could you

woke up so early, OH MY SLEEPING BEAUTY” . She told me in

Avery sweet voice, I couldn’t believe how she talk with me in a very

sweet voice& how can she do like this with me. At first I fear to ask

her, as I don’t wanna lose my friendship. But I had to, as it was

cheating, I can tolerate everything but NO CHEATING. So when I

asked her- she simply refused me. She told me I became mad, even she

told the same thing to my other roommate & others also. It hurt me

a lot, first of all she did the mistakes & telling before everyone- I

became mad. To save herself, she blamed me. I couldn’t bear this. So

from day I decided to live alone, so I cover my bad with a screen so

that she couldn’t see me even if disturb me, as she was very cleaver

she talked with me in study time, when I slept she started her

reading. I did this for many reasons-

1) She couldn’t disturb me in study hour 2) She couldn’t switch off my alarm. As I can’t change the room even if every time I couldn’t quarrel for

one matter, so I decided it’s the best me to avoid the all problems.

But it hurt her a lot. She requests me many times, but once I cheated

from someone I could n’t do the same mistake again. After one month

I went my home for study proposes then BOTH HOMEOPATHIC &

AYURVEDIC CURED MY DISEASE. Seriously telling

which allopathic could n’t solve that homeopathic & ayurvedic could

solve. From that day I believe a lot in homeopathic, I choose these two

rather than allopathic medicine …my one year completed, I hardly

read 1-2 month for my final board exam. It was my first terrific

situation, as I lose my health at that time. But thanks God, after

that day I never fall ill like that. Yeah, sometimes I fall in fever, it’s

normal. At least now my health condition is better than my previous

life….I left my college with many beautiful & worst memories. But I

had many beautiful memories – I had a best friend & I had a sweet

roommate whom I really love so much. Yeah, competition was there,

but she was good. At least she did n’t harm me, she also loved me a

lot, we both spend most of the time. I could n’t forget her words

& the way she talk . Many good friends also there… many funny

memories also there like one memory I wanna share here – during my

first year – I participated in comedy & Science exhibition. but

unfortunately which chemical was required for my science exhibition

that was very costly , very poison & no one wanna to give me even if

my partner also afraid , so she refused me to participate , but I was

very suborn , I told her by hook or crook I’ll do this. So, I do it alone.

I was very tensed. As at that time everyone started for work for their

exhibition but I was in tensed how can I do this alone, even if that was

so costly? Finally I requested my chemistry lab sir to help me. He

helped me also– at that time one girl was also there whose condition

was also like me, means her partner refused her to participate but she

wanted to participate. I felt god helped me, so we both stated work,

no doubt it was too last – still we felt enjoy. Within one night we

arranged everything & next morning I had to perform in the stage &

science exhibition. No doubt I participate but when actually people came

to see my exhibition I was on the stage. It was a funny experience

also. As most of my friends prayed god when I went to stage to

perform, as they fear if I world started crying there <in fun, actually I

usually cry in a small matter. if anyone will laughed at me , I’ll stop

there>… but my performance was quite good, those people who

thought I couldn’t speak , I speak in front of them. It was a good

experience.

2008 – 2010

This period is quit tough period for me as I can’t get medical in first

chance, I have secured 5000 rank in MEDICAL & 12,000 engineering

in OJEE. So I decided to join in general education like +3 taking

ZOOLOGY HONORS , I took coaching + continuing my college , I can’t

give much time for my college studies , 1st year entrance exam time I

got good rank near about 2000 but still it’s not enough as for

getting medical you need rank within 300 , due to reservation

system (ST +SC+OBC+HC) even I don’t wanna be

dentist, I have two options either medical or zoology honors I never

think about engineering , seriously telling that’s why I didn’t have

any idea about future related to my career, so I faced lots of

problem at first in engineering. But it’s my bad psychology that I

don’t like general education, so I tried for next time. but can’t get

good marks in my college performance , I joined +3 but it just for

name , truth is I never show my interest there . 2nd time when I

gave medical I got good rank even got chance to read private medical

like HI-TECH , even call latter also came in my home but I was not

interested in join private college as its cost is very high near about

20 lakh whole 5 years ,even no guaranty whether I could be a good

doctor or not but can join in dental as many of my friends also

joined there but I don’t wanna be dentist , I know it’s importance

but I wanna do something which will help me in future broad way ,

so for my future I gave me dental line too , now also I have my all

rank card , I can show u too . but another side I got good rank in

engineering , I got these marks based on Physics & chemistry , I got

5300 rank , actually I sit in math exam but couldn’t solve as I fear if

I’ll get rank in engineering then my papa will send me engineering

college which I didn’t want even I was fully confident that I’ll get

medical , even for the first time I did cheating in medical entrance

exam means I asked my bench partner ,which was my greatest

mistake, I ADMIT IT, I told all answer what I solved but what she

told all were wrong . But I wanna get medical by hook or by crook

so I choose this line without thinking any 2nd thought. But this is

the most stupid mistake I did ever in my life; believe a stranger in

entrance exam. My negative marking ruin my life, I got 1000 volt

shock at that time when I saw that. So from that day I never

believe anyone in exam time even I never ask any single question even

in monthly test too. True, even you can ask any of my friends. I

tell but I never ask. even I got good rank in OUAT ,I can be

veterinary doctor but not my choice , but some choices I missed by

chance like I got BIO TECH & BIO MEDICAL IN VIT & SRM but can’t go as I waited

for my OJEE medical , I hope that at least I can get last rank. Alas

couldn’t. But Bio technology was not my papa’s choice actually some

of our relatives advice him not to join in these branches as there is

no scope in India. Even we have no broad idea about engineering as I

am eldest one but my papa has knowledge in computer & IT sector.

So when I got result I already ruined my 2 years +3 career even

can’t achieve well so I was not in the state to take any decision so

my papa took my whole decisions even I have faith on him. He also

forced me to join private medical but I didn’t want because I didn’t

know about my future in that field & huge money , if I’ll invest all

money what my little brother will read . even I have no interest in

+3 at that time as I was fed off BIOLOGY CAREER , so I told my

papa to take right decision for me as I couldn’t unable to take any

decision at that time, at that particular moment actually but in my

core I actually love biology I felt it after joining engineering . So I

joined in engineering after 2 years, my toughest time ever. But I

papa want I should join as I have got good college IIIT as it has name

in ALL INDIA BASIS – (1ST IIT THEN NIT THEN IIIT )

I never told my engineering friends about +3 matter as I did n’t want

my friends will laugh at me even that was a simple private college in

ROURKELA having no name , so I hide it among all . I HAVE

MY CERTIFICATE ALSO – CONTINUING CERTIFICATE TOO.

THESE ARE NOT LIE , ALL ARE FACT EVEN I HAVE ALL RANK CARDS WITH ME TILL NOW TOO EXCEPT

SOME , WHICH I THROW .YOU CAN ASK ANYONE ALSO , BY THE WAY MY CERTIFICATE IS MY BETS

PROOF .

2010 - 2014

1ST YEAR ENGINEERING PIC

MY ENGINEERING CAREER

sometimes I feel my life is like a struggling path where I lost my

precious time to fulfill my dream , I lost my smile with in that, I

forget that in this world happy & enjoy like two

words exist. but alas , I can’t get…sometimes I ask my God , why

he has given me such kind of life where every time I face problems &

tolerate pain… I always get one answer; it will make you a person

you always wish for… BTW I WANNA GIVE A BIG THANKS TO MY

LORD FOR GIVING EVERYTHING WHAT I WANTED… MAY BE

INDIRECTLY BUT HE HAD GIVEN ME…

I entered in to engineering career with no hope, no doubt I entered

as I got a chance to read in government college & that also a good

college but I had no interest <frankly speaking > but it doesn’t mean

my parents forced me to come here, it was my decision to come

here. My situation & my heart said to take this painful decision &

give up medical for forever. no doubt I gave up, but every time I

felt I missed something in my life, that’s my inner pleasure / peace

what ever you can say . I wanna smile form my heart. As I was

tired, I couldn’t cry more. I wanna be happy & wanna live a life as I

wish. sometimes I control my emotions & tell myself now I have one

way that’s my present, I can’t go to my past & can’t repaired my

future further. that’s why I have to concentrate, but I had another

problem I didn’t like my branch <at first> , as I didn’t have any

knowledge in computer . Yeah, I only knew how to play game except

this I didn’t knew anything. I was purely a medical oriented student.

But unfortunately I didn’t get.

1ST

SEM

It was a new place , new hostel & new friends. I came late to my

hostel; it was nearly 5-6 o’clock. I remembered, when I entered my

two roomies already came & they already finished their all work,

thanks god my aunt was there with me, she helped me to keep my

important assets in the right place. Night came I was so excited to

make friends as I was absent in the interaction time & I came late

also, after talking with my two roommate, I became so happy &

then I came to know that one of my roommate is from our area,

means not exact same place but it will take 2-3 hours in train. So

We planned to go home together, as I very much afraid to go home

alone. So I got a partner. Then we promised we will live together &

never quarrel, if there would be any confusion then tell directly,

don’t hide anything, be open. We always try to manage everything.

But I was little close to one of my roommate who was from our

locality, as she also from Computer science branch, so I thought she

can help me in study. our days passed away , at that time I love

to make friendship with everyone & even if I also talked with

everyone in a very nice way, but sometimes I also offended by my

friends due to this medical reason. Some of my friends also criticize

me in a diff. way, as I didn’t get medical. I have also tolerated many

mocking kind of words, still I was silent & I had friendship with

everyone. Even if most of the night our branch mates gather one of

my friends’ room that was our meeting place. where we share our

crazy memories , most of the time I share my ideas about biology,

no doubt I didn’t get but I too love ZOOLOGY & EVEN IF I GOT HIGHEST MARK IN

THAT CHEPTER.. So I share my ideas that were a very fun time. Seriously

telling, I can’t forget. Sometimes I wanna go back & repair my

mistakes but the bitter truth is no one can go back & it’s very

difficult to forget everything what was happened with me. I wanna

to start my friendship again but my heart says no!!!. I can’t

tolerate more, I can’t tolerate fake friendship. My heart always cries

but it doesn’t sound.

Now I gonna start further where I ended, I was so happy at that

time. No doubt my career tension was always there, which hurt me

every time but it was manageable & another side slowly slowly my

friendship became deeper with my one roommate who was from my

area, even if I always took her as a sister, I also loved her so much

& I helped her a lot, but at that time my two roomies always

quarrel. They quarreled for stupid reasons. Actually one of my

roommates was not adjective & compromising nature, as it was her

first hostel life. I understand her, so they always quarrel in a small

matter & I became the mediator at that time. Whenever they

started quarrel I scold any one of them. My motto was maintaining

peace in my room & even if I want we should live like as we lived at

the first. I also tried my best, but my only fault was I neglect one

of my roommate, that was my biggest fault, as I was so close with

one of my roommate & forget about her, but I never hurt her

knowingly or unknowingly , even if her words were so rough , so I

didn’t like to talk with her at first. My friendship was good with my

roommates, even if they <My two roommates> didn’t talk with each

other at that time. I didn’t know what’s the problems arise /

happened? Whole scenario changed. Days passed, slowly we make a

gang, all are CSE & I WAS ONLY “IT” and I love my gang. It was

small Gang consists of “7” members including me at that time. We

share everything with each other. but one day there was disturbance

create between me & one of my friend <in that gang , with whom

my roommate was very close> , our friendship had no problem, it

was diff. problem which I too hate , she told me to do that. It was

the starting phase of misunderstanding between me & my friends,

but I had no mistakes. I refused her as I didn’t want to spoil my

life; I know what’s good & bad. They might be take it easy but how

can I take that, while that thing related to my life. How can I take

any decision blindly? That’s why my roommate also little bit angry

upon me. But It’s TRUE in my life I give so much importance to

friendship but it doesn’t mean I agree with their words or listen

their all words. From the beginning I can’t believe anyone blindly

except my parents. That was the starting problem with my

roommate & one of my friends who was close to my roommate &

was her bench mate. Then time passed, still I tried to keep my

friendship & wanna try to solve one problem. But it’s my general

problem, while solving one problem I always create another problem. I

did the mistakes, for which now also I am suffering. To keep my

friendship I made a plan how to overcome the problem, I told lie

before everyone that I love someone & made a different story before

that, so that they will not convince me about any boy matter. As I

too hate any love story at that time. But I didn’t know my one lie

can created so many problems. I took one of my friend names, I

knew he was very good, so I told his name before everyone & I was

sure that he has a girl friend. So at first to show my friends I keep

my friendship with him through social media like FACEBOOK, but I

didn’t know he had no girl friend, actually he told me lie at that

time, but after few days I came to know the whole story. So I stop

my whole drama there, even if I was very offended at that time.

Which I can’t forget.

2nd

SEM

Then my life passed. I love one of my roommate ,so I couldn’t see if

anyone insult her & I couldn’t keep anything inside me , so one day I

asked one of my friends , why she insult my roommate which hurt

me a lot, that’s why I stop talking with her. I told her not to

behave like rudely. She told this thing to my roommate, but I didn’t

know what she listen or what she thought but after listening this

from her she stared scolding me without any reason. Actually I also

couldn’t understand why she was scolding me; I was also upset at

that day as my math performance was poor & my teacher also scold

me for that. I also didn’t control my anger I also scold her, as she

was scolding me unnecessarily. I requested my friend not to behave

with her rudely, what’s wrong I had done. I don’t think so, I had

done anything wrong. What I think right, I did that. That day her

words, touched my heart, as for her I had tolerate a lot, even if I

neglect one of my roommate. As she felt alone, I gave me company.

Finally she scold me without any reason. That was the staring

breaking point of our friendship. This is true that she is more

jealous. It’s the true, I had marked. one case hurt me a lot in my

first semester exam time I couldn’t understand a small chapter of a

subject & I requested her to clarify my small doubts. She knew but

she refused me, which hurt me a lot. I felt whom I helped & why.

She was so ----- , I had no words when she refuses me & that also

before that exam day. That day, I could realize my biggest mistake

why I gave her much importance in my life. Why I helped her &

loved her as sister. I could realize my all mistakes. But after that

also we keep our friendship, it was not like before. As she already

got a friend from her branch, she was in our block & our gang. She

also from her area & she also very helping nature girl. I really love

her as I knew she really know how to maintain the friendship, no

doubt my friendship broke because of some misunderstanding & that

also for a stupid reason . She knew me very well. I love her , but

alas our friendship broke, For which I wanna slap on my face now ,

because problem was created by me ,as I always love to make fun &

I didn’t take anything serious at that time. But my roommate is

not that much trusted worthy. How much I know, no doubt she talk

very nicely & even if she always want everyone should love her & she

maintain a very good image before everyone. But she is totally

complicated because now my condition is because for her . How can I

forget my all memories? I don’t wanna remember that once

again. No doubt it was my roommate case, still it manageable but

my real my problematic life started from second semester, actually it

also due to my stupidity & my own fault.

My great fault was I made friendship with and a guy who really

don’t deserve, who spoiled my half career. It was not a love issue,

he was my friend. Making friendship with him was my great mistake,

for which now also I am suffering. No doubt at first I REALLY TOO

HATE HIM. Whenever I online in Face book, he always

send “HI” message, so every time I offline him. One day I became so

angry & told my roommate that “he is from your branch, right???

Then talk with him. Every time he is ending “HI”, but I can’t replay

him. Seriously telling, I too hate such kind of guy, WHO LOVE TO

SHOW UP.” AS HE WAS VERY FAMOUS IN OUR COLLEGE FOR

HIS BRAND SHOW UP, HE SHOW UP THAT HE WAS FROM A

VERY RICH FAMILY. HA! I really too hate such kind of guys, then

my roommate laughed & told don’t worry, talk with him, he is not

a bad guy, yaar. He love to show up & little bit proudly but he is

good & helping nature. He is not a bad guy, you can talk. Then I

send him “HELLO”. Then we started our talking, but after talking

with him. I felt he is good, he was very funny. Then whenever I

came face book we chart, it was just general. What u ate in

canteen, how much??? He also elaborate how much he had eaten, it

was just like a friendship. Then one day he told me you know boys

are laughing at you & called you crazy, he told me the reason & told

me to rectify that nature. I also keep his words & tried to rectify.

He was very open & good. So I never felt anything wrong, he always

told me my all bad nature, whenever he heard anything wrong about

me in hostel. He told me first & always suggested me to rectify, he

was just like my guide. No doubt he may bad for others but he was

very good for me as he always tried to rectify my nature. but some

of my gang mates told me not to make deep friendship with him ,

but I didn’t know why , I also asked them but they told me

whatever they are telling , that’s good for me. They don’t want to

see me in problem & sad, that’s why they are telling. But I couldn’t

understand. I didn’t listen & ignore their words, I told them we are

just friends in social media, so don’t worry. No bout we were staying

in one campus but we never talked with each other front to front,

our conversation was through social media. It’s funny but true. I

LIKE HIS ONE QUALITY MOST- he was a very good writer, he had

a blog where he had described the beauty of his lover, whom he

loved so much, she was from our college. How he met & everything.

When I read, I became speechless; he was a very good writer. I also

comment there to write more & our next IIIT - chetan bhagat . HIS

BLOG NAME WAS “MY LIFE MY WAY” where he had written all

things about his love life whom he loved so much, she was from our

college & his branch. It also inspired me to write in blog, no doubt I

also wrote & I too love to write also, but I wrote in my diary, I

didn’t know about blog & website. But from him I came to know

how to write in blog, it also inspired me. He become my inspiration

not my competitor, I only follow him, but my motto was not to do

any kind of competition with him. Seriously telling. He was my

friend, not a competitor. But I didn’t know this friendship will take

my friends & career. I just make simple friendship, how a girl make

friendship with a boy but it became a big issue in my case. I didn’t

know what’s wrong with me, why my friends behave so rudely…my

actual problematic life started here.

His lover & her girlfriend gang is the main culprit. Actually they

spoiled my name, I just made a friendship with him but they spread

like I am his girl friend. Even if they behave so rudely with me, I

lost my maximum friends even if my character, but it astonished me

– WHOM HE PROPOSED & FOR WHOM MY FRIEND WAS CRAZY THAT GIRL HAD A BOY FRIEND THAT’S

THE REASON SHE REFUSED HIM. BUT WHEN I MAKE FRIENDSHIP, SHE BECAME SO

JEALOUS. I really couldn’t understand the chemistry. What’s going

here? I lost many of my friends for that guy, but we have no deep

friendship in real life ! We had friendship in social media. But we

never ever talked with each other in real life. But it made me angry

when they spoiled my character; they spread many kinds of rumors

about me. At that time I realize why my friends were telling me to

break friendship with him. One time came when I had no friends, as

they had a large gang & before them I am nothing. So everyone

behave me as I am a prisoner. I had done a crime. But what was my

fault. It made me cry, without any fault I suffered a lot. One side

my study , my dream & another side this stupid things. Which made

me crazy & I had also no friends. I couldn’t understand what’s wrong

with me. Even if one time came I felt it’s unbearable I thought to

break my friendship with him. still , they didn’t stop their mouth,

one side my career , I wanna be A 9 POINTER , AS I HAD TO

CHANGE MY BARNCH , EVEN IF I ALSO TOLD MY TAECHER

ABOUT THIS. But in this situation it was impossible to study.

Seriously telling, sometimes I felt it’s so stupid reason. But this stupid

reason took my friends & my career. no doubt I didn’t perform well in

my first sem as I took time to set up my mind for engineering &

many times I tried to forget my past but some of my friend’s

criticizing words make me worry further. my second sem performance

became too bad , FURTHER MY DREAM BECAME LIKE DREAM , I WANNA CHANGE MY BRANCH ,

ALAS. I COULDN’T …BUT ONE THING HURT ME A LOT …WHEN THE RESULT DECLARED …MY FRIEND’S

LOVER & HER FRIENDS SPREAD ALL KIND RUMORS & TRIED TO SPOIL MY CHARACTER .. SHE UPDATE ONE

STATUS “1ST

IMPRESSION IS NOT ALWAYS THE LAST IMPRESSION” , AT THAT TIME I CAME TO KNOW

THAT IT WAS JUST LIKE A SOLID PLAN, AS SHE HAD A BOY FRIEND , SO WHY SHE FELT JEALOUS ,

EVEN IF I NEVER HURT HER. IT ALSO JUST A FRIENDSHIP MATTER NO LOVE ISSUE … I HAD NEVER

DONE ANY KIND OF WRONG THING, EVEN IF I NEVER HURT ANYONE. STILL THEN THEY HURT ME &

SCOLDING ME. I TRIED FROM MY SIDE TO CONVINCE THEM THAT WE ARE JUST FRIENDS. NOW I FELT

IT WAS MY MISTAKES I TAKE THEIR WORDS IN MY HEART & SPOILED MY PRECIOUS TIME IN

WORRYING. NO DOUBT WHEN I REALIZED THEIR PLAN SUCCESS AT THAT TIME NOTHING WAS IN MY

HAND. I WAS SPOILED. I ALSO REQUESTED MY FRIENDS <THAT BOY> TO TELL HIS FRIENDS THAT

WHAT THEY ARE THINKING & TELLING ALL ARE WRONG. I ALSO REQUESTED HIM A LOT. BUT I GOT ONE

ANSWER EVERY TIME – YOU CRAZY GIRL, JUST GET OUT… I BECOME ASTONISHED I BEGGED HELP TO

CLARIFY HIS FRIENDS DOUBT, AS THEY ARE SCOLDING ME & BECAME MY GREAT ENEMY. IT HURT ME

A LOT. WHEN I BEGGED HELP NO ONE WAS THERE TO HELP ME , EVEN IF MY THAT FRIEND FOR WHOM

I FACED SO MUCH PROBLEM… I REALIZED MY ALL MISTAKES WITH WHOM I MADE MY FRIENDSHIP

THIS ISSUE SPREAD ALL OVER MY COLLEGE BUT ALL WERE FALSE. Even if they also

hacked my one face book account & mobile . When I begged help no

one helped me, as I had no knowledge in computer & that also on

hacking. At that time I promised to myself one day I’ll show that

what I can do , where they refused me to help. These words may

seems like nothing or funny , but how & what I suffered I know &

how much it was painful ?? Can u imagine when nobody talk with

you or scold you or behave you rudely for a stupid reason? How you

feel at that time, when your became your great enemy, try to spoil

your career, till now also I can’t understand what was my fault or

they had done this just for fun or I was their entertainment

particle . HOW A PERSON CAN TOLERATE THIS, BUT

I TOLERATE WITHOUT HAVING ANY FAULT…

After that, I decided not to talk with anyone, as without any

reason they became my enemy . At that time my condition became

so worst, not only in my room but in college everywhere I heard

badly comments. It may give them pleasure but no one could

understand my mental condition. one side I was so depressed for my

dream , another side these bad issues , where I had no fault & third

I fail to fulfill my another dream…I became like a stone, but it gave

them too pleasure to mock me, whatever I wear , whatever I do , in

everything they started to comments me. No doubt at that time I

broke my friendship, still they never left me alone to live a peaceful

life. Every time I was in painful state… my life was become just like

hell, even if they knew my weak points. I WAS VERY SERIOUS FOR MY STUDY,

EVEN IF THEY KNEW HOW MUCH TIME I WAS GIVING TO MY STUDY, WHEN I ENTERED INTO MY

ENGINEERING. I LABOR HARD TO GET GOOD MARKS & WANNA CHANGE MY BRANCH. BUT I FAILED

BECAUSE THESE STUPID CASES, WHERE I HAD NO FAULT. ONE AFTER ONE I FAILED TO FULFILL MY

DREAM. IT BROKE ME INSIDE… after 2nd semester I was just like deaf &

mute... I stop talking with everyone, as I knew I couldn’t change my

branch & what I’ll give answers to my parents. How I’ll tell, what

situations here I am facing & I always hurting them. one side I

didn’t get medical another side my performance was so bad here.

how can I face my family members , what answer I will give

them???. It hurt me inside & 2nd roommate issue. No doubt I was

silent but my roommate whom I neglect she got a golden

opportunity to comments me & in my block all are belongs to her

branch. From my branch very few girls were there. No one was there

to support me. Neither I got ny kind of support from my block, nor

roommate / college. Every time I felt like I am dying, I couldn’t

tolerate their words, it hurt me inside. no doubt it made me weak

inside, but I didn’t wanna spoil my life for them , so I changed my

mind & wanna change my life further. So I stopped talking with

everyone & concentrate on my future. At that time no one was

there with me to talk so, I gave maximum time in social media to

get friends & I started writing. Whatever comes in my mind & all

sorts of frustrations, I shared in my blog in the form of poem. For

that reason, I started my writing & now it became my love, now I

am very much habituated with this. I can’t think my life without

writing, as it was my best friend when I had no one. So I love my

writing. I create group for STOP CHILD LABOR. I just wanna change

my life further & wanna forget everything. I felt like a prison, I had

a very few friends nearly 2-3 friends. That previous gang who

suggest me not make deep friendship with him. I felt now

everything over, no doubt another side my friend was trying his best

to spoil my name , as I cut off my friendship I REALLY TOO HATE HIM NOT

BECAUSE HE DIDN’T HELP ME IN MY WORST TIME; I HATE HIM AS HE WAS ALSO INVOLVED IN ALL

THESE MATTER. HE ALSO DESTROY MY CHARACTER, IT ASTONISHED ME. IT HURT ME MORE WHEN HE

RELATES MY CHARACTER WITH A BAD MOVIE WITH A BAD CHARACTER. HE KNEW

MY GREAT WEAKNESS IS MY CHARACTER. EVEN IF HE KNOW EVERYTHING, HE DID THAT WHAT

IRRITATES ME . WHICH NOT ONLY MADE ME ANGRY BUT ALSO CREATED HATE-NESS FOR HIM.

My 3rd

SEM

this is very important time for me , as I knew I can’t change my

branch so I have to stay with it & I have to do better here . I

knew it’s quite difficult for me as I had no knowledge in computer

even if I didn’t like that, but I have to. One side my study another

side I had no friends. Felling so alone, at that time my social media

became my friend. I started writing; at first I had no blog so I

wrote poems in face book & my pages. This time I started my

group STOP CHILD LABOR & even if its page also. I worked actively

there. As from the beginning my motto was to do something for

others. I choose small children as I too love them. So I always post

related child labor & other good cause. Slowly I make some outsider

friends. I feel little bit better as I got some friends through this,

even if mentally I felt relax. Social media not only helped me to get

some friends but also helped to show my inner strength &

knowledge. After some days through face book I met two people who

are FOUNDER OF ----... I really wanna make friendship with them as

they are doing for a good cause. They were from IITS & even if they

are very good people. I tried to help them how much I can, there

was an online voting for their works and I tried to convenience my

friends to vote them. I helped them for no reason, as I know they

are doing good things. They wanna change some lives. So I always

help them unconditionally .when I feel it can help many people, I

help how much I can, I am not a big celebrity / any great

personality or I have no such man power, still I always give my hands

to them who need me. No matter how hard it is , I always help

how much I can. so I wanna make friendship with them as my motto

was I also wanna do something for my society , so I need some good

people for this & their advices . but these things my friends could

not tolerate as they knew very well if I’ll proceed my friendship &

if I’ll success there then they will feel shame & their all plans will

be failed to see me down. They couldn’t tolerate me that’s the

main reason, that’s why they further started their new planning how

to break me further. Here my friend for whom these all cases

happened with me…he played a great role & his gang peoples not

only they but also some of our seniors & some of my close friends

also. They created such situations & conditions which forced me to

stop making friendship with them. I knew they are very high

positions & I am nothing before them, still I hope for the best. I

hope I can get some help from them in my future life, as I wanna

do something for my society , so they can advice me or help me in

this matter. As my motto was to do something for my society. As

they were also doing for their society. But this time also I failed to

to do something good. My friends spoiled my one semester & spoiled

my character totally. Even if they didn’t know how much it hurt

me. They spread false rumors everywhere. Even if I lost some of my

good friends from my school life & college life. But this case helped

me to know who really loves me & who is not. Whom I take as my

best friend & as a sister. she also broke her friendship with me. I

didn’t know , what she heard about me. But she didn’t ask me once

before breaking her friendship. I also astonished why she cut off our

friendship. Means no doubt we didn’t quarrel but her all activities

showed that it’s just like no relations between us. I took her as a

sister, even if she also beat me & scold me in my12th college life. I

tolerated everything as I love her too much. But when she left me,

it hurt me a lot. Not only she but also many of my friends. I

couldn’t understand what’s my fault, what I have done & WHO IS

CREATING SUCH CONDITION. WHO IS TRYING TO SEPARATE ME FROM MY FRIENDS? Everyone

was busy in blaming me & everyone blaming me for a stupid reason.

They were believing those people who really wanna spoiled me. He

<my friend> also told me in message he will ruin my life. I couldn’t

forget his words, but what was my fault, no doubt I broke it. I

think I had done well but it was too late. I learn one thing from my

life, before making any friend think twice, at least don’t make such

kind of friend who knowingly separate your all friends & make you

alone. I too hate to live alone but now I am habituated with this

life. Now I really don’t need any friends. My worst time told me

that I had no friends. If they were my friends then they would ask

me what had happened. At least before listing others they at least

ask me is it true…? Sorry, no one asked me, which hurt me a lot. I

was just like stone. At last I decided to cut off my friendship with

all boys neither in college or any social media friends. I became silent

& concentrate on my study & writing.

My 4th

SEM

I tried to concentrate on my study & show my every frustration

through my writings. Whatever I wanna say I wrote in my blog. Btw

I had no friends with whom I can talk & share my feelings. Even if I

too hate to make friendship with anyone or I couldn’t believe

anyone. As I tolerate a lot. One side my roommate problems &

another side my own problem. Everyone just behave like I was a

beggar. Slowly I became too alone. I felt this is a better life. as

they already ruined my 3 semester , but this time I didn’t want to

ruin , so I tried to forget all friendship & all cases . As these

things always hurt me, break me inside. I really started my study

from my 4th sem. because from 1nd sem end to 3rd sem end , my

time was so bad , I couldn’t concentrate on my study. I always tried

to engage myself either in writing or in study or in social media. But

this time I cut my friendship with all. Even if I didn’t chart with

anyone in social media also. Seriously telling I may come face book or

any social media but I never chart, yeah, I message. But now I really

fear to make friendship with anyone, as I don’t wanna spoil my name

& career.

But still people believe that rumor that I love my friend or he love

me. Truth is I wanna take revenge but he spoiled me btw he had a

girl friend & even if he also love another girl. I have proof also, so

how can he love me. Whom he took as his best friend her really a

very good girl. I really like her & I know she is the only girl who can

change his all bad nature. She also likes him. So why I come between

them, but I know very well he will ruin my life. But till now I

couldn’t understand what was my mistakes. yeah , I had done only

one mistake that is I told his secrets & scold his friends <GIRL FRIENDS ,

INCLUDING HIS LOVER , SORRY DON’T BE CONFUSE BETWEEN HIS LOVER & BEST FRIEND , HIS BEST

FRIEND IS BEST GIRL NOT HIS LOVER , AS SHE ALSO INVOLVED IN THIS MATTER. SHE ALSO RUINED

MY LIFE. BUT HIS BEST FRIEND NEVER TOLD ME ANYTHING.SHE MAYN’T TALK WITH ME BUT NEVER

TOLD ANYTHING BAD ABOUT ME OR NOT INVOLVED IN THIS MATTER. SO HOW CAN I TELL HER, SHE IS

BAD>. So how can I leave him? But I didn’t know for this I had not

suffered a lot & for this I lost my all friends. Till now also my

friends join his name with me. It really irritated me, either he or

my friend. Who is a good guy, but one sentence break our friendship.

Even if I have decide not to make further friendship with him, as he

told me one lie. I couldn’t forgive him. But this is true he is a good

guy, he never spoiled my name or he never told anything lie about

me. So I heartily want he should get a girl whom he wanted, his life

will be beautiful like before. But I don’t wanna make friendship

further. But I can’t forgive those who ruined my career & character

without any reason.

MY 5th

SEM

I was totally changed, I didn’t like before. I was silent. At that time

further room shift. But my roommate didn’t want to stay with me

so they told me to choose a new roommate but where I can go. So I

told mama that where she will give I am ready to stay there. But

when they didn’t get any 3rd roommate they further told me to

stay with them. I also agree as I stayed 2 years with them. Yeah,

we had problems but I never behave them wrongly, but how can a

person tolerate everything; seriously I couldn’t tolerate their

comments. Which hurt me inside every time? It killed me. So

sometimes I showed my frustration but it doesn’t mean I

unnecessarily scold them or behave them rudely. I never did such kind

of things. Frankly speaking. But during room change time they told

me they have decided to stay middle bad, but this time I refused

them. As I can’t agree with their all words. Even if they also

capture my bad last 2 years but I never told anything to anyone.

While I choose middle bad this time they told me to chose another.

So I didn’t listen but I didn’t know for this I have to pay a lot.

Before shifting night they forced to change the room, but at that

time all room wren allotted, where I can go. I request them a lot

also. But they didn’t listen they told me they couldn’t see my face

even if they couldn’t live with me. They didn’t know where I’ll go

but I can’t stay with them. Even if they told me I can stay with

juniors as I love my juniors. They scold me a lot. No doubt that

night I cried a lot. May be the first time I torture a lot as a

roommate. Next day I didn’t think anything I changed my room &

stayed in the middle bad, as I tolerate a lot their words &

behaviors. This time I became just like stone & stubborn. I was in

angry mood. As without any fault all are trying to show their

dominating power over me. so I changed my respective room but

that day I heard such kind of words which I never heard from my

parents or any of my friends till now. But I was silent. I act as I

slept & I couldn’t hear anything. She didn’t wanna stay in that side

as one side the electric board was break & another side the wall was

dirty & I already cleaned my side. From that day I decide I’ll not

afraid anyone, as my fear is their great strength. So I make myself

strong & I do my work. I didn’t fear & concentrate my study. But

this time I also didn’t fear & I had no everyone’s weak point so if

anyone tell me anyone bad, I also indirectly hurt them using their

secret. As this time I thought if I’ll be silent then I’ll die one day.

As they had no heart. Then in social media I meet with SIR CORY

BOOKER...his inspiring thoughts & words inspired me a lot. He is the

first person who helped me a lot through his wisdom words. So I

always took him as a great mentor. He was & will be. After that I

meet with other people but he was the first person whose inspiring

words helped me a lot. Then my changed a lot & now I feel I am

not that previous sweat Lena panda, who fear everything & even if

no voice. Now I don’t fear to anyone & has power to fulfill my

dream. Now also I am so much emotional like before. I have a dream

& I have to fulfill its & I don’t care what other people are telling

about me.

Even if my friends also hacked my mobile, whatever I talk with my

parents or anyone, they hear everything. So I have also no privacy,

that’s the reason why I fear to tell anything to my parents. If I

can’t tell anything to my parents or friends. At last what I can do,

I can do only one thing. I’ll write everything & post it in public. So

here I have no fault, it’s the fault of my friends they forced to

write everything in public. As I can’t store my anger, I wanna flush

out. So I flush out through my writings.

So here I have written everything about me. So hope you all get the

root of rumors, hope you all believe me. Even if I had not any love

issue from my childhood days, yeah, I need people to help me. Even

if I love to make friendship with everyone. But when I seriously fall

in love I’ll surely tell before the world. I promise. Because when I’ll

tell at that time I have proof also. Because I can’t believe anyone &

their words blindly. I believe everything when there is any proof. So

if you have any doubt, you can ask any of my 12th class college

friends about my 12th class college life, hope you all can truth from

them. Even if, if u ask my engineering friends hope you can get some

information. But I don’t think you can get all information. As all are

like my enemy & no one is my good friend here. No one can tolerate

me. I am not a brilliant student but I am not so poor also. I can do

well if I can get better environment for read or if I can get peace.

My friends have problem is that they want if I am writing I should

n’t concentrate on study. They could n’t tolerate this. This is the

bitter truth, that’s the reason they always depress my mind before

exam. If I get bad marks they laugh at me. But they don’t know

they are the main reason behind my failure. I have aloe seen many of

my friends whom I take as my good friends how they behave me, no

one is perfect in friendship here. Everyone is busy to down you,

everyone is busy to spoil your name & character. How can

you believe anyone here. Sorry, now it’s a very difficult task

to believe anyone blindly. Seriously telling. As I suffered a lot &

cheated a lot.

MY 7th & 8th SEM life is little better than other semestars as i left my block

& stayed at Junior block . There got little mental peace than before but

there also my i tortured by few of my juniors ,as they take advantage of my

bad life .

BUT I WONDER IT'S OK , IF MY FRIENDS FEEL JEALOUS WHAT'S THE REASON

WHY MY JUNIORS FEEL JEALOUS ???

IT'S ALWAYS QUESTION MARK IN MY LIFE?

WHY WITH ME?

AM I UNIQUE?

I WANNA SHOW MY GRATITUDE TOWARDS MY COLLEGE & MY ALL TEACHERS FOR THEIR SUPPORT , MY COLLEGE IS NOT INCLUDE FOR MY PAINFUL & FAILURE LIFE. SO PLEASE DON'T BLAME MY COLLEGE . I LOVE MY COLLEGE BUT NOT MY FRIENDS WHO ARE THE SPOILER OF MY LIFE.

HOPE U ALL UNDERSTANDS ME &

THE REASON BEHIND MY CHANGE.

HOPE U ALL HAVE PATIENCE TO READ SUCH A LONG STORY...THANKS A LOT FOR READING THIS...IF YOU

WANNA KNOW ABOUT ME THEN READ IT COMPLETELY ...AS MAJOR PART OF MY LIFE SPEND HERE - 7

YEARS HOSTEL LIFE ... SO HOPE U ALL UNDERSTAND ME & MY PERSONALITY .

I HAVE WRITTEN THIS AS MANY PEOPLE TAKE ME IN A WRONG WAY DUE TO MANY RUMORS IN MY NAME ,

SO I FORCED TO WRITE THIS . I WANT PEOPLE SHOULD HATE AFTER KNOWING THE ACTUAL TRUTH NOT

BUT FALSE ... I CAN'T TOLERATE THE FALSE RUMORS ABOUT ME . HATE ME AFTER KNOWING MY TRUTH , I

CAN TOLERATE THAT !

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