MY LONELY REGENERATION

The regeneration of the Tenth Doctor

A Doctor Who Fan Fiction

by J L Tracy, Jr

This is a work of fan fiction. Names, characters, places

and incidents either are the product of the authors

imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to

actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is

entirely coincidental.

Doctor Who is a BBC Wales production for BBC One.

Executive producers: Steven Moffat and Brian Minchin.

BBC, DOCTOR WHO, AND TARDIS (word marks, logos,

and devices) are trademarks of the British Broadcasting

Corporation, and are used here without permission, as a

fan fiction and at no profit to the author.

This story does not have a copyright, and is an

extension of the story The End of Time, pt II, written

by Russell T Davies.

3

Contents

1. Its begun

2. Martha & Mickey

3. Sarah Jane Smith

4. My Lunch Break

5. Captain Jack Harkness

6. Joan Redfern

7. The Next Doctor

8. The Nobles

9. Rose

10. I dont want to go!

4

Chapter 1

Its begun

His face hurt. His whole body hurt, but the strain of

falling five hundred feet, facing the Master and Rassilon

and sending Gallifrey back into the Time Lock, and

absorbing a nuclear bombs radiation felt like it had

landed right on his face. He reached up with both hands

and buried his face in them. His injuries screamed in

stings. He inhaled deeply, trying to diffuse the stress.

But theyve Wilfred Mott muttered, before

exclaiming, Your face! How did you do that? The old

warriors eyes leapt all over the Doctors face, right

where all the stingings were fading.

The Doctor stretched the remnant discomforts from

his face, and held up his hands. He was looking at the

now-healed injuries from his terrific fall, and took the

opportunity to look for the tell-tale glow he now

anticipated. Nothing yet; not even his cuts. He sighed.

Its started, was all he had to say about it.

Wilfred stared at him, his mouth moving slightly as if

he almost began to speak. The Doctor internally felt

5

relief each time Wilf failed to say something; hed had

as much emotion as hed wanted over the past few

hours. All he wanted now was to get back to the

TARDIS.

Finally, after a long moment, Wilfred simply shuffled

close to the Doctor and wrapped his arms around him.

He let him. The process was started; soon, he would

change again, and this fabulous universe would get to

be seen through a new set of eyes.

***

Their return to the TARDIS was a silent walk, one of

two old warriors who had shared battle and knew the

weight of the sacrifices. The Doctor appreciated being

able to spend this time with Wilfred. He knew this

companion was a man who truly understood his need

for silence during this walk.

Three years, he mused as a regeneration pang swam

briefly through his body. Just three years to absorb this

gorgeous, amazing, baffling universe. Three years to

make a difference, his way. Oh yes, hed been at it for

around seven hundred years before he traded that

leather jacket for his preferred trench coat. Still, it had

been centuries since the scarf, when he last

remembered simply enjoying traveling through time

6

and space. In his other previous identities, it was more

business than pleasure; they were stuffier personalities,

in his opinion. However, this time hed taken the time

to indulge himself with the adventure of his travels. In

the process, hed helped people. Hed saved mankind,

several times, and did it brilliantly. Doing things

brilliantly is one thing, and hed always been that. But to

do brilliant things while enjoying the thrill of the

adventure was one characteristic hed cherished this

go-through.

Three years. I dont want to go, he lamented.

He threw the handle up on the console, sending the

TARDIS to the next destination. Not five minutes later,

he stood next to Wilf as they stepped out of the TARDIS

towards the Noble home. As if cued to appear, Sylvia

Nobles head popped from around the door.

Oh, shes smiling, the Doctor remarked. As if today

wasnt bad enough. He saw Wilf react ever-so-subtly to

his quip. Anyway, dont go thinking this is goodbye,

Wilf, he said, prompting his companion to face him.

Ill see you again, one more time. It was more a goal

he now set for himself than it was a promise to Donnas

grandfather. He needed to resist regenerating as long as

he could in order to fulfill his promise. It would be his

7

final thrill in this body: to be greater than his own

biology.

Wilfreds amusement fell to alarm. What do you

mean? Whens that? He could see the man holding

back tears. If only he knew what the Doctor was

holding back.

Just keep looking, the Doctor replied with a gentle

voice. Ill be there.

Well, where are you going?

The Doctors eyes went off towards the Noble home,

setting his plans to defy his regeneration. Hed done it

once; perhaps hed be successful again.

To get my reward, he said as he closed the TARDIS

door.

8

Chapter 2

Martha and Mickey

The Doctor closed the TARDIS door and made his way

to the console. The green glowing time rotor seemed

brighter, as though the TARDIS was supportive of his

defiance. He set to work on the controls.

Hacking into the U.N.I.T. database was loads easier

these days, now that they had gone to digital

communications over the past decade. The information

he sought appeared on the monitor screen, mixing

British English and Gallifreyan symbols to tell him what

he needed. He targeted central Britain, and sent the

TARDIS on its way.

As it landed, he headed for the door when he

stumbleda lightning bolt of pain struck him from left

shoulder to right little toe. He paused and rested his

hands on his knees to catch his breath. He checked

them again, to make sure it hadnt progressed beyond a

point he could no longer restrain. His hands looked

normal. He took a deep breath and forced deeper the

energy he felt smoldering. Im not going to give up

easily, he promised.

9

He headed out the door, but not before reaching into

a tool alcove and retrieving a hard mallet.

It was a bright, sunny morning, but close to lunchtime.

Apparently, this mission was playing out at an old

abandoned factory and yard. He could hear occasional

bursts of gunfire and Sontaran rifle shots. He walked

leisurely; if he was seen now, there would be nothing he

could do except get shot. Hed regenerate, but it

wouldnt be unexpected.

As he drew closer, he could hear human voices

shouting. He knew the one voice, but it took him a

moment to recognize the second. Hed intended to visit

the one, but was pleased to have the opportunity to

visit the second. The Doctor had been very far from

impressed with the man at their first meeting, but hed

grown since their first meeting. With her, though, hed

seen rain fall upside down and saw Shakespeares only

performance of a lost play. The Doctor reached the

stairs that would take him up to exposed walkways,

from which he would be able to spot them.

He saw some movement at the far end of the level.

He took the opportunity of the distant Sontarans focus

on the grounds below to hide behind a pile of debris. He

watched the alien militant being traverse the catwalk

with stealth, watching his targets below. From his

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current position, the Doctor was not able to see the

humans, but he could hear them talking. Rather loudly.

Theyd better pay more attention if they are going to

be that chatty, he suggested to himself. He felt a wave

of discomfort wash over him; he fought back the

sensation, never letting his eyes leave the round, brown

scalp.

The Sontaran sniper set his position, and began to

take aim. Feeling momentarily refreshed, he flipped the

mallet and caught the handle after one flip. He quietly

stepped toward the soldier, surprised that he (it?) did

not hear him step on rubble. He raised the mallet, and

without misgiving brought it down powerfully on the

creatures probic vent. The potato-headed Sontaran

collapsed to the floor, protected from falling to his

death by the paint-chipped rusty old rail.

The Doctor tucked the mallet into his trench coat

pocket, and then settled his hands into his trouser

pockets. Neither Martha Jones Smith (as noted in her

U.N.I.T. file) nor Mickey Smith immediately knew the

danger they had just been in. He allowed himself a

moment of pleasure to know that he was able to save

them; it was lucky timing. After all, he was a lucky man,

wasnt he?

11

He watched silently as Martha finally noticed him, and

then turned Mickeys attention to him. Seeing Mickey

brought upon a different pang, one not related to his

regeneration. He forced himself to dismiss those

feelings. He stood for a long moment, relieved to be

able to let them know he had been there, one last time.

He now felt this task was complete; he turned on his

heel and headed back to the TARDIS.

12

Chapter 3

Sarah Jane Smith

The TARDIS had always been a welcome refuge for the

Doctor after an adventure. However, he was feeling the

growing embers of regeneration throughout his body,

and was feeling more worn out the longer he fought off

the transformation.

He dropped the mallet carelessly as he headed to the

console. He knew exactly who he wanted to see next.

He wasnt sure he would get the chance to cross paths

with her after the change, and he wanted to see her just

one more time with these eyes.

As he sent the TARDIS off to the next destination, he

briefly fantasized K-9 talking to him.

Why do you wish to visit your companions, Master?

the stilted yet charming robots voice might ask.

I dunno, K-9. I suppose Ill still know them after I

change. I think because they are as beautiful and

brilliant and a part of who I have been this life and I

wanted to see them all one last off, the Doctor imagined

would be his reply.

13

Does it help to see them again? K-9 would ask.

Yes, the Doctor considered, yes, I think it does. Seeing

them reminds me of all the marvelous things we have

done. I care for them very deeply.

K-9 was a great companion, he thought. The Doctor

looked at his hands again, noting that his body

temperature was mildly elevated. It had been such luck

to encounter her at Defry Vale School after all these

years; she was not the first companion hed left and let

fall from his mind. But he ignored those vestiges of guilt

as he remembered the disappointment hed felt those

many faces before when he found out he had to let her

go.

The Time Lord made his way out of the blue box and

headed toward Sarah Jane Smiths home. The same as

with Martha and Mickey, he intended only to be seen

and not talk. He did not want to explain anything; he

only wanted to see his friends.

As he walked, he saw Sarah Janes son, Luke, walking

down the street and talking on his phone. The Doctor

watched as the teen turned to head across the street. A

car was headed his way as he held an excited discussion

with someone named Clive. It was clear that he was

oblivious; the Doctor felt a wave of anger with the

14

young boy for being so careless. He sprinted at full

speed to catch Luke before the car did. He grasped his

shoulders and pulled him from harms way, stunning

and disorienting him by the sudden jerk backwards. He

looked at the Doctor with unabated astonishment.

Lucky again.

But its you! he stammered. Youre

The Doctor glared at him. His irritation faded quickly

and he felt his desire fulfilled; hed saved the lad which

meant that Sarah Jane would have her son, and she

would hear about his own appearance to rescue him.

He was fatigued by the exertion of running; he turned

and walked back to the TARDIS.

Mum! Mum! he heard Luke calling as he ran

towards his house. He then heard a familiar sweet

voices response:

What? What is it? he could hear Sarah Jane say as

he opened the blue door. He turned to see her, one last

time.

Its him! Luke panted as he reached her at full

sprint. Its the Doctor!

15

Sarah Janes eyes darted around; even from this

distance, he could discern the hope that filled her eyes

and her face betraying the concern within her spirit.

He allowed a lingering glance before raising one hand

and waving to her. Some companions just reached him

more deeply than others; it was a testament to who

they were. He turned back and entered his time-and-

space machine.

He closed the door and leaned against it, allowing a

brief momentary reprieve from his battle against the

regeneration. There was still much he wanted to do.

He realized he was both hungry and nauseated.

Well, since Ive never had this much time before

regenerating, I think Ill have a bite, he decided. He

walked across the control room and headed for the

kitchen.

16

Chapter 4

My Lunch Break

The Doctor walked down the corridor and reached the

kitchen. He set about preparing a meal for himself.

What do I want? He tapped a finger on his leg as he

considered his options. His subconscious mind

submitted a modifier for that question.

for my last meal he said aloud. The thought sent

a sharp chill through him. He wasnt afraid; hed

changed before. But it was still jarring to realize that an

irreversible change was trying to overtake him, and that

once it did, he would no longer be the person he was

right then. He didnt want to go.

He shook off the introspection and turned his

attention back to his food. He pushed some buttons on

the wall near the dispenser. Certainly, some tea would

be nice. Plus, he hoped it would help him stabilize

against regeneration.

He added to his order some grilled steak and mash,

and topped it all off with a banana. He felt a rebellious

urge and changed the setting from food bars to actual

17

food. The wall made some sounds as it produced his

dinner; moments later, the door slid aside and revealed

his last meal.

He sat down at the adjacent tabletop provided by his

ship, hoisted his feet up to the table and reclined with

his plate in his lap. The cool silence of the ship overlaid

by the gentle Music of the Spheres was always a

welcome reprieve, since within the TARDIS he could

block out the universe and have some solitude.

However, today he wanted anything but solitude. He

didnt want company, per se, but he didnt want to be

alone. Not now.

He took the time to savor each bite of his steak, and

shoveled the mash in between each steak bite. He let

the tea wash over his tongue and let it linger briefly

before swallowing, letting the aroma enhance his food

flavorings. His eyes darted to the banana frequently;

each time he felt a subtle surge of excitement in

anticipation of the yellow treat.

He blocked out his heavy emotions as he finished his

food, choosing to enjoy this instead. He felt the food

reinforcing his body, fueling his push against the

regeneration. No, he would not be able to fend it off

indefinitely, but he now had a bit of a second wind to

finish his planned victory tour.

18

He stood and dispose of his plate and utensils, and

drained the tea from its cup before tossing it in after

them. He picked up the tantalizing banana and headed

out the door.

Instead of walking back to the control room, the

Doctor turned left and began to stroll down the hall,

deeper in to the TARDIS. Of all his travels, one of the

adventures he had not had opportunity to explore since

becoming his current self was the TARDIS itself.

He chuckled at the thought of spending his final

moments somewhere deep in the bowels of the

fabulous ship. There was no way he would be able to

explore the whole ship before he could no longer hold

back regenerating, but he did want to stop at a couple

spots.

He first stopped by the Drawing Room, taking in the

studys haphazard organization. He walked over to the

chair and sat in it, smiling at the light squeak is it

received his weight. He hadnt sat at this desk since hed

been this incarnation, but he did see the leather jacket

hed tossed in here after hed regenerated last. His eyes

drifted around the room as he took in over seven

hundred years of time travel. Yes, his other incarnations

were more serious men in their adventures, but they

did spend more time in here after a go at it to reflect on

19

the events. Perhaps their ways werent so bad after all,

he considered, feeling a bit of nostalgia.

The scarf on the lamp, the rainbow umbrella, the

black umbrella with the question-mark red handle, even

the little black brooch given to him back when he had

white hair. A room filled with mementos and

ponderings, a refuge for a man who needed one. He

realized that he did not want to sit here and reminisce.

He wanted to walk.

He stood up and began to walk out of the room when

he paused for a moment. Many of the memorabilia in

his study were put there by a new man who replaced

the one who had experienced the memory. He did not

want to leave it to his successor to set that for him. The

Doctor reached into his pocket and pulled out his

glasses. The next Doctor will want to choose his own

glasses, he thought. He walked over to the mantle

across the room, and gently placed it among the other

items, beside the brooch. He smiled, remembering both

the broochs previous owner, the Aztec Cameca, and

every time hed pulled out those tortoise-shell frames.

Let the next Doctor choose his own memories.

He turned promptly and strode from the room. He

wanted to visit one more place before returning to his

final round of appearances.

20

It took nearly an hour to find it, but he eventually

arrived at the Eye of Harmony. He wanted to bask in the

artificial black holes energy. He took a deep breath

before entering the cavernous room, walking halfway

across the catwalk.

He made it nearly to the halfway point when he

started to feel the burn of the regeneration start to

swell. He had thought the black hole would further

strengthen him; he did not anticipate the Eye to

accelerate his change.

NO! he bellowed amidst the pain. He ran the rest of

the way across and threw himself out of the room,

slamming the door closed behind him. He thought of

everything he wanted to do, and found strength in the

hope of completing his task. He saw the people in his

mind whom he wanted to visit before he gave up the

fight. Each face inspired him more, and he began to feel

the regeneration heat fall back.

It hurt. Oh, did it hurt. But it was important, the

Doctor reminded himself. His friends were worth the

pain he was fighting.

As he stood up, his marriage to Queen Elizabeth

flashed in his mind. There was no reason for it to have,

he considered, but there it was. The romance with the

21

young red-haired queen, and his own fascination with

gingers being requited, to an extent. However, the

memories hed acquired not a few days ago seemed

hazy at points.

He slowly began making his way back to the control

room, reflecting more on Good Queen Bess. He could

not put his finger quite on where the memory went

awry. He went to 1562 in pursuit of a Zygon, but

somewhere along the way he and Bessie hit it off. Each

time the memory played through the foggy parts, the

Doctors stomach felt a weird tickle. He recognized that

tickle; he only felt it when his memory was blocked

from events that occurred when crossing Time Streams

with his future selves.

Oy, I bet that was fun, he thought with jealousy. Too

bad I dont get to remember it. He stopped walking for

a moment, and then frowned at his pouting. He began

walking again, more determined now to finish his task.

22

Chapter 5

Captain Jack

The Doctor stood before the console, watching the

screen update on Captain Jack Harkness, late of the

Torchwood Institute. However, it showed his current

status as AWOL. The Doctor frowned.

He thought about his friend, and started to go through

their conversations together. Remembering Jacks

reference to one bar as his favorite, he began twisting

and poking at the dials and buttons on the panel,

directing the TARDIS to take him there.

The Face of Boe, the Doctor chuckled as he said it.

Outstanding!

True, he did not know for sure if Jack was destined to

become the billion-years-old friend the Doctor knew. It

made sense since The Face of Boe was the only known

being with such a long life, and Jack was once known as

The Face of Boe for being from Boeshane, and his

immortality bestowed by Rose offered a probable link.

But then the Doctor tried to imagine the evolutionif it

could be called thatthat Jack would have to undergo

in order to become a gargantuan head that lived in a jar

23

and communicated by telepathy. The exercise of trying

to visualize that much change, especially the loss of

limbs and torso, needed gray matter he was currently

using in his battle against regeneration. He let go of the

train of thought and went back to working out how to

find the Captain.

The TARDIS indicated it had arrived at his intended

location. As he emerged from the blue box, he could

hear the swanky music emerging from the main room.

He selected a place in the far corner, choosing to scout

the area first. He sat at a table and looked around the

room, hoping to see something he could do for Jack.

He gazed towards the music source near the bar when

something caught his eye.

Perfect!

Now, how to get them to cross paths

The young man had just taken a single table not far

from the Doctor. If only he could get lucky again

As if he had orchestrated it himself, he saw Captain

Jack enter through the door across the room. Jack

headed straight to the bar and ordered a drink. The plan

came together in his brain at lightning speed. The

Doctor stood up and walked over to the kid. As he

24

approached, the midshipman looked up from his hat,

which he had been slowly flipping in his fingers.

Get up, the Doctor demanded, before the young

man could say anything.

I beg your pardon? he replied through a nervous

smile. The Doctor had guessed right; this was before his

sojourn on the Titanic.

Sorry, the Doctor said gruffly. but this is my table.

You need to go, now.

The space sailor looked confused. His eyes seemed

lonely and hurt. The Doctor needed to keep him in the

bar, not send him home with a broken spirit.

Look, theres a spot at the bar, he continued,

nodding toward the center of the room. You can go

there, but I need this table, right now.

The kid stood slowly, and his shoulders fell as he

shuffled toward the bar. As soon as his back was

turned, the Doctor crossed the room back to the

adjacent room where the TARDIS sat. He glanced back

watching as an Adipose toddled down the bar and

disappeared in from of Jack, and the sailor coming up

from behind.

25

The Doctor reached the console and set the target for

a mild violation of the timeline. The spacey sounds

echoed through the control room and then faded as the

TARDIS materialized in a different part of the station

which housed the bar. As it landed, he pulled out a

piece of paper from below the console and wrote on it:

HIS NAME IS ALONSO

He walked out of the TARDIS and re-entered the bar

from the other side. He made a brief glance to his few-

minutes-ago self and hid himself behind large aliens in

his line of sight.

The bartender was walking back to the bar from the

back storage areas when the Doctor caught his arm. The

bartender didnt say anything, but looked at him with a

curious expression.

This, the Doctor began, holding up the folded paper

with his other hand, needs to go to one of your

patrons.

Which one? the bartender asked, looking at the

Doctors hand on his upper arm. The Doctor released it.

The man in the gray trench coat at the bar, he

replied, staring firmly into the bartenders eyes.

The bartender held the stare, before nodding.

26

Yeah, okay, he added with a shrug.

A minute later, he watched as his previous self evicted

Alonso from the table. Simultaneously, the bartender

tossed the note onto the counter in front of Jack, and

tossed a thumb back towards the Doctor. Jack followed

the thumb and sat up a bit straighter when he realized

it was him. He watched as Jack opened it, read it, and

then looked up again with curiosity. They locked eyes,

and the Doctor nodded to Jacks left. As Jack followed

his nod, Alonso arrived beside him at the bar. Jack

looked back to the Doctor. The Doctor offered a friendly

salute with his index finger; Jack returned with a full

military salute.

A swell of pride filled his hearts. Jack had been as

heroic as anyone the Doctor had known, and he felt

that he might well have been the best person to receive

the burden of immortality. If he was the Face of Boe,

then the Doctor felt doubly appreciative of knowing

him.

The music played as the Doctor left the bar, its jazzy

sound resonating in his ears as it faded through closed

doors of the TARDIS.

Time to get on with taking care of Donna.

27

Chapter 6

Joan Redfern

This part of the plan was simple. He knew exactly how

he wanted to repay Donna for all she had been,

especially through the MetaCrisis. She wasnt the same,

and she would never know what he would be doing for

her, but he felt it would be the only way to give back to

her.

The ache was not ignorable now. It wasnt disabling,

but he felt his bodys need to regenerate more now

than ever. He took a deep breath after he closed the

door of the TARDIS, resting his head on the blue

wooden surface as he regrouped his energies.

Having just finished acquiring what he needed, he had

come back to a point about five months before he was

to originally meet Donna for the first time. He navigated

the streets of London as he headed to Geoffrey Nobles

routine haunts. Along his way, he passed a book store.

Something caught his eye.

He paused, and then slowly walked backward until he

stood in front of a large window.

28

A Journal of Impossible Things covered a stack of

books and a large poster announcing the authors

presence held to the window.

The fob watch flashed in his mind, followed by his

peculiar affair with Ms. Redfern. It was peculiar in that

had he been himself at the time he knew her, he would

not have allowed himself to develop feelings for her.

Indeed, by turning himself human, he was very easily

susceptible to being human, and falling in love. He

resisted the urge to feel those buried feelings yet.

He glanced at the price, made a mental note, and

decided to take a detour from the days plan. It would

not cost much. His ache was increasing slowly, but he

knew he still could push it off.

He walked down the sidewalk until he reached an

ATM machine, and waited in line behind two others. He

casually reached into his breast pocket to retrieve the

sonic, tucked it into his palm, and set the device to the

necessary setting using touch alone. By now, he was

next in line. The patron in front of him finished and

went off on their way, and the Doctor stepped up to the

cash machine. He kept the sonic tucked in his sleeve

and feigned to put a card in, and activated the tool. He

whistled loudly and in poor tune in order to mask the

screwdrivers own noise, and then instructed the

29

machine to issue him thirty pounds. It did as it was told

and soon he was walking back to the bookstore.

He paused again to take in the book. The cover was

lovely, and simple. An open fob watch, not unlike the

one he stored his Time Lord Essence in during this

adventure, on an image of a leather-bound journal. The

author was someone named Verity Newman. Inhaling,

he strode into the store.

The line for signing books was thankfully short, but

gave him little time to prepare. The author, Ms.

Newman, looked up from her signature at the woman

standing in front of her. He knew immediately how she

had come by the book; she could only be more identical

to Joan if she wore an early-twentieth-century nurses

dressing. Remorse reared itself to his heart.

The line moved forward again; the Doctor reached

over and grabbed a copy off the stack, and waited his

turn. He remembered being John Smith, a human

teacher who hid at her school. He remembered how

Martha had taken care of him, despite his nave

resistance to it. He remembered the shared moments

with Joan, the gentle brush of her hand on his, and

sharing a waltz with her. The line shortened again; he

would be next.

30

He recalled the fear and angst he faced while human,

not knowing how clever he could be in rescuing her and

Martha from the Family. He allowed himself to

remember sharing the vision with her. And their last

conversation.

She asked him if he could change back.

Yes, hed said.

Will you? she asked, her voice breaking in the

question.

No, he admitted.

Hed invited her to join him aboard the TARDIS; she

declined. She made him face the consequences of his

decision to hide there, at her school. It was almost

harder than losing Rose; this time, it was not a universe-

rift that separated them forever, but his own choices.

It was his turn.

He stepped to the table, sliding the book to her before

shed had a chance to look up.

And whos it for? she asked with a kind tone.

The Doctor.

31

To The Doctor, she repeated, signing the interior

page of the book. Funny, thats the name he used.

Her words slowed as she realized the possibilities. She

looked up at him. He could read in her face as she tried

to take in the moment.

Was she happy? He asked with a soft, solemn tone.

In the end?

Verity gazed at him for several moments. Yes, she

finally answered. Yes, she was.

He felt a level of relief. He had come into her life after

being widowed, and she had opened her heart to a man

who would ultimately break it.

She continued to look at him. Were you?

He was now.

He smiled at that, joyful amid his culpability. She

flashed the faintest moment of a smile in return, still

clearly trying to figure out if he was indeed John Smith.

The Doctor picked up the book and went to pay for it.

He pocketed it while leaving the store, casually

dropping the change into the purse of an older woman

who had stopped to look at some books at the

entrance.

32

Chapter 7

The Next Doctor

After leaving Verity Newman and the bookstore, the

Doctor had resumed his plan regarding Donnas father.

Having completed that task, he was now headed to her

wedding, by way of a supermarket to make a purchase.

He already knew the numbers.

The time rotor began pumping as the Doctor threw

the levers and twisted those grungy dials. He could feel

it growing now. He maybe had a day left, maybe hours.

Hed pushed off the regeneration before, when he had

the big nose and leather jacket. Granted, hed delayed

maybe ten minutes, but at least he knew at this point

he could do something with it.

Of course, in retrospect, the regeneration that had

produced him had seemed more powerful than most

others.

Indeed, now that he thought about it, resisting

regeneration must increase its power. That may not be

a good thing, though, he wondered. He thought back to

the first time.

33

Hed never undergone one before then, although hed

seen it happen before. Most everyone whod hed asked

about it said it hurt, but in a stretch-out-the-tightness

pain rather than injury pain. After battling the

Cybermen, hed fallen and was nearly unconscious

when his body emitted its first yellow glow. It didnt

hurt much, but now he suspected that was more to do

with his semi-consciousness rather than the nature of

regeneration.

The second one did hurt a lot more, because he

resisted it then. But the Time Lords had banished him to

Earth and basically controlled the whole thing. At least

that time he did get to bid his friends farewell ahead of

the change.

The third time again, hed fallen unconscious and had

limited discomfort, but by then it had much more

potent and lingering effects.

He remembered the next one too, lying in the grass

amongst his companions, trying to comfort them as he

lay dying. He chuckled at the irony of that memory, and

leaned heavily on the console as another round of

nausea and burn drifted through him. It was definitely

getting harder. He took in a slow breath, flexing every

muscle he could find to push back the energy. He still

wasnt ready to go.

34

He did enjoy being those two Doctors. He eschewed

the idea now of wearing the unruly scarf, but it suited

him then. And while his Fifth Self did tend to be rather

haughty, he was perhaps more easy-going in a lot of

ways, even to the point of wearing celery decoratively.

But what stood out from that period in his life was his

regeneration from Cricket to Rainbow. It was the first

time the discomfort of the regeneration was enough to

raise concern whether it was going right or not.

He tended not to think much of his Sixth incarnation,

as he felt there were times hed been too extreme, and

was maverick with his interpretation of what being the

Doctor meant. His transformation from Sixth to

Seventh self was mild by comparison, but again he was

not conscious, as was also true when he transformed

and woke up in a morgue.

Dying on Carn in the crash was more a memory he had

reconstructed rather than remembered, and the potion

he drank which triggered his transformation felt more

like being stabbed ten thousand times by a hundred

thousand pins of fire. It was agony but it was quicker

than all his previous alterations.

Then he thought about The Moment. The 2.47 billion

whose lives he ended, and how even to this day he had

could think of no other solution to save time and space.

35

2.47 billion lost, due to a silly war. On top of that, he

had that tickle. To think, if more than one of him had

conspired and could not conceive a better solution, all

the worse. It was nauseating, beyond his current plight.

He only vaguely remembered turning into his most

recent incarnation, and recalled the relief and delight of

being able to start again to be the Doctor.

Which brought him to his last time. Hed had a shorter

life then than in this body, but that transformation

seemed somehow glad to put another regeneration

between him and his past.

Rose had been there. He had to absorb the Vortex

energy shed acquired from the TARDIS to save her, and

he remembered her tears of confusion as he bid her

farewell. There was true regret in his eyes; he despised

that hed frightened and upset her. They never did go to

Barcelona.

So who would he be tomorrow?

Ginger, he thought. We have some control over this,

right? I want to be a ginger!

Something odd struck his mind. In all his

regenerations, this one was his loneliest. Sure, no one

was there when he awoke in the morgue, but that

36

didnt bother him. There were times he would prefer to

be alone, rare as those times may be. But not this time.

He lost two companions through circumstance of their

adventures, and Martha left because of her feelings for

him. No, they werent the first hed lost. Honestly, hed

lost them all, even the ones hed had to abandon

without warning. He never relished the end of

adventures with his friends. They always added to his

pleasure of traveling time and space.

Today, they were all gone. No companion; no one to

witness his change, to welcome him as the next Doctor

opened their eyes to the universe for the first time.

And, he allowed himself the conceit, no one to show off

his new take on his cleverness.

Perhaps the next Doctor should be a loner. Loners

dont feel alone, and they dont miss love and

friendship. Hed been a loner before. No companions

when hed destroyed Gallifrey. If it hadnt been for Rose

and her reawakening his joy of travelling the universe,

he might not have taken a companion at all while

wearing the leather jacket.

Who knows; maybe he wouldnt have taken one if

hed not had Rose to start this life. Donna was the first

to make him really re-evaluate his treatment of his

enemies. To show compassion. He was truly lucky to

37

know her. And she would never know what she meant

for him. He fingered the quid that sat in his pocket. No

more lingering reminiscing. Time to repay his best

friend.

38

Chapter 8

The Nobles

The bells of the church rang as the wedding party

burst out of the doors. The Doctor looked on as Donna

and her new husband were greeted with hugs and

applause. Wilfred lead three rounds of cheers as

flowers flew into the air. He was pleased she had found

love, and one who was dedicated to her and not to the

Racnoss.

As Donna ordered everyone into place for photos,

Sylvia Noble turned and was the first to notice him

standing at the edge of the churchyard. She nudged Wilf

and they both walked over to him.

There you are, eh? Wilfred exclaimed, beaming.

Same old face. Didnt I tell you youd be all right?

Wilfred continued to talk as the Doctor tuned out the

news. He was too close to yield now to his regeneration,

and did not want to get off topic.

I just wanted to give you this, he said, reaching into

his jacket pocket and pulling out the envelope.

Wedding present.

39

The two senior Nobles looked at him with puzzled

faces as Sylvia took the offering.

Thing is, I never carry money, so I popped back in

time, borrowed a quid off a really lovely man, he said.

He inhaled the importance of what he was about to say,

so that he could say it. Geoffrey Noble, his name was.

Sylvia gasped, covering her mouth; Wilfreds jaw fell a

bit.

Have it, he said, the Doctor finished. The love he

was sharing at the moment rose to his face, and forced

a slight smile from his stoic expression. Have that on

me.

Wifred mouthed a thank you, and escorted her over

to the wedding party. He watched as Sylvia recomposed

herself, and then they approached Donna.

Wilf handed the envelope to Donna, who opened it

and found the lottery ticket. She apparently had some

remarks before stuffing it into her bodice. Sylvia turned

to Wilfred in joy, and they both turned to look at the

Doctor as Donna went over to her new groom. As the

wind picked up, bringing the remaining petals into the

breeze, Wilfred Mott took a step towards him, stood at

attention, and saluted the Doctor.

40

The honor was all mine, Wilfred, he thought. He

turned and walked back, opening the blue door and

entering his sanctuary.

41

Chapter 9

Rose

He walked over to the console, wrestling with this

final visit. If he chose to do it, it would be his last. The

ache had grown and was now almost a full-body cramp.

It was becoming more and more difficult to move

without giving in. By now, he was almost ready to yield

to the Time Lord physiology.

No, he said to his body. Not now. Im not ready.

He had made up his mind. He couldnt go to her

present, but he could go to her in the past, before

theyd first met.

He needed to see her. One last time. Hope and regret

all in one feeling. He threw the lever and set the

coordinates. The TARDIS timey-wimey sounds echoed

through the ship, and his body throbbed with the

sound. He took a deep breath and flexed everything

again as the sounds faded.

One more hour, he demanded. One more hour, and

then you can have me.

42

He walked to the door, but more slowly and with

significant effort, and opened it. Every move threatened

to override his defiance and bring on change.

It was snowing outside, and he walk-staggered across

the alley and took the corner. Rose had told him of her

and her mothers annual outing on New Years Eve. He

did not want to talk to her or interfere, but he wanted

to see her. He needed to see her, and hear her voice.

He waited in the shadows next to a pair of dark doors,

one of which had a creature with green and red face

painted upon it.

How appropriate, he mused.

After several minutes, he heard voices from around

the corner of the building; both female. It did not take

long before the voices became clear enough for him to

identify both Rose and Jackie Tyler.

You never know, he could barely hear Roses voice

say. They must have been just beyond the corner; they

had definitely stopped walking. He resisted the urge to

take a step sideways to see. There could be someone

out there for you, Rose said.

43

Maybe, one day, Jackie said, her dismay and

uncertainty in her tone. Then her voice shifted to

excitement. Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! Roses voice said back, nearly

simultaneously. He was happy to have heard her voice.

He could regenerate now and feel complete.

Blimey, Im even pleased to hear Jackies voice, he

thought.

Dont stay out all night, Rose said, followed by

Jackies receding try and stop me!

Rose came into view, arms folded up and blonde hair

protected by her dark pink knit hat. The Doctor watched

her walk by; somewhere inside him his heart pleaded

with him to talk to her, to tell her what he was

prevented from saying that day as she stood on the

coast in Drlig Ulv Stranden on the Parallel Earth. Just as

he had been resisting the regeneration, he resisted this

one too.

Hed almost succeeded when a sharp burst of energy

swathed his intestines, causing him to flinch and grunt.

Almost time now, his mind submitted.

You all right, mate? Rose asked.

44

Got to be the Doctor, never let them see you sweat, he

chided himself.

Yeah, he replied.

Too much to drink? She asked, a small smile flashed.

Something like that.

Maybe its time you went home, she suggested.

What perfect timing for that suggestion. She was so

sweet and caring.

Yeah.

Anyway, she broke into a broad grin. Happy New

Year! She was beautiful. He considered himself so very

lucky to be able to see her again, after all that had

happened.

And you! She turned to walk away. What year is

this?

Blimey, how much have you had? she asked. He

made a motion, hoping shed just indulge him.

2005, January the first! she replied, her answer a bit

slower due to the peculiar question.

2005, the Doctor absorbed the answer. He inhaled.

He wanted to tell her.

45

Tell you what, he began. His mind flashed over

everything they did together that year, when he was

Leather Jacket. He loved her, and he felt it, so strongly.

I bet youre going to have a really great year!

Yeah? she said, thinking his mysterious remark over

a moment. He smiled and nodded. She looked away

momentarily, and then turned back to him with her

wonderful smile.

See ya! She turned away, he smile the last thing he

saw on her face.

See ya, he replied inwardly as he watched her recede.

She went into her apartment building, and that was the

last he saw of her.

46

Chapter 10

I dont want to go

The pain was too much. His internal organs screamed

in pain at the residual radiation poisoning and the

restrained regeneration.

The walk back to the TARDIS seemed insurmountable,

as every breath was difficult and walking was as though

he was wading through razor blades.

Hed made it an amazing ten steps before his sides

seized, knocking him to his knees. Tears forced their

way to his eyes.

He heard a faint, but familiar, sound. The searing pain

in his sides subsided, but not without lingering warnings

that things were about to get worse. He looked up, and

saw the Ood Sigma.

We will sing to you, the gentle, sweet voice of the

Ood tickled in his brain. He began to hear the song of

the Ood, a piercing yet soothing music which gave the

Doctor the last bit he needed to return to his blue box.

The Doctor struggled to his feet, determined to at the

very least have the last say on when he would give up

47

his fight. He took unsteady, determined steps towards

the time-and-space ship.

The Universe will sing you to your sleep. This song is

ending, but the story never ends.

Rose. Donna. Martha. Mickey. The Ood. Humans. The

Master. The next Doctor. All the previous Doctors. He

had won, he had beaten his regeneration. He had been

great, and brilliant, and clever.

He had been the Doctor.

He entered the TARDIS as the Ood song uplifted his

courage. He slipped off his coat, tossing it over the

golden support.

He lifted up his right hand, staring at it. He let go.

His hand began to glow with regeneration energy. How

bad would it be, having held back so long? He walked

to the console and set the time rotor into action. He

looked up at them, watching them undulate for the last

time. The Ood song swelled in him.

He could feel the regeneration swelling with the

music, as if they had orchestrated with his biology. He

walked around the control room platform, waiting for

the final burst. It was coming.

48

He stopped for a moment, looking off to the distant

wall. It was still too soon. There was still too much to

do. Too many things to see.

The burn was engulfing him now. He felt it in his feet,

in his toes, in his hearts. He felt it enter his face. It

seemed light, but he know this was the wave ahead of

the tsunami. Tears reached his eyes, and he began to

breathe more heavily. He could see regeneration energy

emerging from the skin of his face.

I dont want to go!

He could feel it rolling towards him, perhaps like a

freight train or a cannon ball, growing larger and more

powerful and more frightening the closer it got. The

golden energy began to overtake his field of vision.

At last, it conquered him. His arms flew out

instinctively, and his head flew back as the energy

engulfed his body. He could feel its power and for a

fraction of a second he feared hed held back too much,

and may not survive this regeneration.

He heard the energy strike the TARDIS, causing

damage. The pain and energy was overwhelming; there

was no way to assess the damage being done.

Explosions and fires broke out, the whole room was

49

bright with the light of his regeneration and the

destruction it wrought. Still the Ood sang.

And then, the finishing touch: that last sharp pain.

50

Other works by J L Tracy, Jr

The Time Opener: 1692

http://thetimeopener.com

The Curse of the Gold Peanut (short story)

redfogof1935.weebly.com

The Snake Brothers (comic strip)

https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Snake-

Brothers/285596044882834