National Association of Fraternal Insurance Counselors

National Association of Fraternal Insurance Counselors 2011 Volume 6 Issue 3

c o n t e n t s

3 President’s Message 4 How to Survive When You’re “1 in 22” 6 Reach for the Stars in 2012! 9 Congratulations to these Additional 2012 NAFIC Award Winners! 10 2012 NAFICConvention Information 13 Bambi vs. Godzilla 16 Fraternal Selling Requires Being Fraternal 17 Congratulations to our New FICs and FICFs 19 Fraternal News

2 | National Association of Fraternal Insurance Counselors

PresidentWilliam Arden, FIcFWoodmen of the World Life InsurancePO Box 1538Victorville, CA 92392(760) [email protected] Vice PresidentJoseph ‘Jim’ spinelli Jr, FIc cLULUtcFKnights of Columbus4211 SW Fourth AveOcala, FL 34471(352) [email protected]

Patrick F. Braun, FIcF cLU LUtcFFirst Catholic Slovak Ladies AssociationPO Box 628Whitewater, WI 53190(262) [email protected]

Randall Kolarik, FIc LUtcFWestern Fraternal Life Association6975 County Road XDenmarrk, WI 54208(920) [email protected]

James Dietrich, FIc AFAFaithLife FinancialPO Box 1197Martinsville,SK S0K 2T0(306) [email protected]

n A F I c s t A F FAnna Maenner, Executive DirectorChuck Maenner, Association ServicesTiffany Chadwick, Membership ServicesAmy Hanson, Chapter Services

n A F I c o F F I c e

211 Canal RoadWaterloo, WI [email protected]

The views and opinions expressed in the FIC Perspective are those of the respective authors and not necessarily those of the National Association of Fraternal Insurance Counselors, our Executive Director, our Board of Directors or our individual members.

FIc PeRsPectIve:

Anna Maenner, EditorReindl Printing Inc. – Design & Layout

2011-2012 NAFIC

Officers and Directors

Joy collins, FIcFGleaner Life Insurance Society6616 Monroe Street #6Sylvania, OH 43560(414) [email protected] Robert cooper, FIcFModern Woodmen of America158 Stevens DriveMacon, GA 31210(478) [email protected]

Michael Bredeck, FIcF Catholic United Financial903 Third AvenueMadison, MN 56256 (800) [email protected]

Secretary/TreasurerH.e. Durbin MBA cFP cLU cHFc FIcFThrivent Financial for Lutherans5200 Warner Ave Ste 107 Huntington Beach, CA 92649(714) [email protected] Immediate Past PresidentPaul Hill FIc LUtcFCatholic Financial Life610 W. Barber AveLivingston, WI 53554(608) [email protected]

Board of Directors

Merry Christmas!2011 has gone by quickly. It’s time to wrap up unfinished business and prepare for a new year. I hope you all had a very successful 2011!

As you plan your 2012 calendar… remember to block off May 9 – 11 to attend the NAFIC Convention in Las Vegas! This convention is the best deal out there…quality speakers at a great venue for an affordable price. If you’ve attended before, you know that this convention has a different feel…it’s personal and fraternal all in one. We want each and every one of you to experience the difference!

If you follow Facebook, please check out NAFIC’s page. It’s where we’ll post the latest information on what’s happening across the nation including Convention updates.

If you still need CE credits, don’t forget about your free subscription (with your NAFIC membership) to www.kruise.com. You only pay state filing fees…NAFIC covers the subscription ($39.95 value). It’s easy and reasonable to get your CE through Sandi Kruise.

From our family to yours – we wish you a joyous Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Fraternally,

William Arden William Arden, FICF NAFIC President

2011 Volume 6 Issue 3 | 3

President’sM e s s A g e

William Arden, FIcF

2011-2012 NAFIC

Officers and Directors


How to Survive wHen you’re

people are exceptional human beings. I found it difficult to relate to their level of success. I’m an optimist, and I tell my kids anything is possible … but let’s face it – at 56 years of age I don’t think there’s a snowballs’ chance in Bakersfield that I’m going to be playing for the NBA anytime soon. The purpose of this article, therefore, is twofold: to examine the ways in which average folk deal with adversity, and to perhaps give some insight into looking past the problems and motivating ourselves to work through them. We are involved in a very stressful and volatile profession which challenges us at every turn as often as it rewards us. You may find this article helpful if you feel you’re “one in twenty-two” right now, or even 12 - 11 for that matter.

I chose this title after my last basketball season. My team was comprised of some really great, dedicated, hard-working kids, but we ended our season with only 1 win and 22 losses. What set the stage was the ineligibility of 4 out of my top 6 players due to various academic and personal reasons. For the players that remained, and for myself, the season looked bleak – “one in twenty-two “ bleak.

I had enough maturity and had experienced enough success over the years to realize that many things in life are cyclic: in order to achieve winning seasons you will ultimately have an occasional “1 in 22”. My players didn’t have such history to draw on, and I found the ways they chose to deal with the adversity of our situation fell into one of four catagories, which I found, ironically, paralleled some of our business practices:

#1. “The Quitters” – Of the four Seniors on the team, three quit about halfway through the season.

We’ve all heard the old adage, “When the going gets tough the tough get going”, but the antithesis is also true: “When the going gets tough, the weak or uncommitted quit.” These players simply didn’t have the passion it took to play the game.

#2 “The Hotheads/Blamers” – When times are tough, some players get angry and make it everyone else’s fault. I had one player who was constantly right at the boiling point. During one game he got two technicals and was benched by the basketball federation for two games. In addition, he was required to take an anger management course. Sadly, he still didn’t seem to take much responsibility for his actions, and although he loved basketball, he lacked the maturity to understand that winning isn’t everything and that sometimes his attitude was his own worst enemy.

I have been coaching basketball at the high school level for over 30 years. (That’s me on the fire truck door when we were the red hot Lutheran High Knights,

San Diego, 20-6 in 1985.) With one Division Title and 7 League Titles I’m having what most would consider to be a successful coaching career. So what, you might ask, prompted me to write an article entitled “How to survive when you’re 1-22?”

Allow me to explain. Having just returned from a sales convention which featured the usual buffet of motivational speakers, I was prompted to reflect on the “relate-ability” of some of the messages I’d just heard. After all, how many of you plan to climb Mt. Everest, win the NBA championship or survive two months after getting lost in the rain forest with nothing but dental floss, three matches and a bloodhound named Bob? Great stuff, but these

BY Michael R heidtBRink, chFc, lUtcF, FicFinancial consultantthrivent Financial For lutherans

“1

in22”


#3 “The Cruisers” – A few of my players would show up, go through the motions of the drills and games, but exhibit no real growth; a “Que Sera Sera” attitude. It was one way to cope, but they were really only occupying space on the floor and not benefitting themselves or the team to any great extent.

#4 – The MVP (Most Valuable Player) – One young man showed up at every practice ready to grow. During games he gave 110% on the floor and seldom, if ever, did I hear him complain. If we needed another player to fill in for the J.V. squad, he was ready to go, and therefore some days played two full games. He was my MVP, even though he didn’t have the most points made or the greatest number of rebounds. What he did have was solid stats, a sterling attitude, a golden work ethic and a love for what he was doing. Going into each game, he had a pretty good idea we were not going to score many points, but he also understood what UCLA Head Basketball Coach John Wooden meant when he said, “As long as you try your best, you are never a failure.”

You don’t have to walk too far down the road to draw parallels to our business. The first reality is that there will be times when we will be facing a “One in twenty two” situation. The software from home office doesn’t work, our clients don’t want to meet, instead of top level production we’re only average, or can barely keep our heads above water. The choice comes in the way in which we handle it.

If you find you are ready to throw in the towel and become a “Quitter” it may be time to cast an eye backwards and revisit one of the sweeter eras in our career. Visualize what it was that created a passion for this business in the first place, recreate that energy and thrive on it. Make a list of those

things which drew you into this profession and focus on reawakening those elements, be it providing for your own family or the satisfaction of helping others achieve monetary security.

For those “Hotheads/Blamers” in the crowd (myself included), know that you are definitely not alone. We all deal with compliance and underwriting issues, constant rejection, and a barrage of frustrating paperwork on a daily basis. Our choice comes in whether we go home to kick the dog and yell at our families, blame the software and send snipey emails to home office, or instead, find ways to diffuse and de-stress within our own skin. My personal balm is to spend a few moments in introspection with the assistance of a good devotional book and prayer. (My favorite: One Minute Businessman’s Devotional by Mike Murdock.) A healthy diet, exercise and adequate sleep equip us physically to meet the negatives well-armed, which makes it less necessary to find a scapegoat. Surround yourself with “positive reminders” in the form of signage, sticky notes and uplifting office help. Focus on your A-list clients – those you enjoy working with – and don’t allow negative influences to dictate your outlook on life.

The Cruisers are probably the largest group in the financial industry right now. After all, we can’t all be #1 agents, especially in this economy, right? It’s so much easier to fall into that rut of mediocrity and do just enough to stay afloat. This calls into question, however, if it’s even the morally correct thing to do. In the biblical “Parable of the Talents” the point is made by Jesus that “To those whom much has been given, much will be required.” We can allow this to seem like a big guilt trip until we

realize that it is when we are reaching for our maximum potential that we are the most fulfilled as human beings, and in working towards the happiness of others that we find the true, sustainable joy in life. If we find ourselves stagnating, we have at our fingertips an abundance of resources to enable us to grow both personally and intellectually in the form of workshops, teleconferences, national events such as NAFIC and MDRT, online courses and the support of our home offices. If we fail to take advantage of these, it’s truly a choice we’ve consciously made and not the lack of it.

In a perfect world we all are striving to be the MVP. While it may be true we can’t all be #1 in the nation, just as we can’t all climb Mount Everest or play in the NBA, we can use such goals as a way to keep our perspective and measure our growth and progress. By our conscious efforts to do our best, we can maintain solid stats, a sterling attitude, a golden work ethic and a passion for what we are doing. By refining the meaning of the word “success” we can realize that as long as we are growing, focusing positively and finding happiness in our work, we will achieve what we’ve set out to do. To summarize once again, in the words of Coach John Wooden:

“The road to real achievement is usually bumpy and long, but you do not give up. You may have setbacks. You may have to start over. You may have to change your method. You may have to go around, or over, or under. You may have to back up and get another start. But do not quit. You stay the course.”

May God bless your success and achievements this year… and by the way, I can’t wait until my next basketball season. We’re going after a 22-1 season next year!

in 2012!

Reach for the stars

These words from Leo Burnett, known for his success in the advertising game are quite true when we come to the subject of goal-setting. C.S. Lewis,

famous author and philosopher said the same thing in a bit different way. He said, “‘Aim at heaven and you get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.” The common philosophy to both of these quotes is the basis of goal setting and this article. We must set the bar high when we begin the process of achieving our goals. If a goal does not challenge us or stretch us, it will not be exciting to us and we won’t grow as individuals.

How high will you set the bar in the coming new year? Will this be your best year ever? With a positive process of goal-setting it could be. With the proper process, you can achieve more in every area of your life. In this article I am going to supply you with the basic pillars of goal setting success. Follow these basics and I can guarantee you that your next year as a fraternal life insurance representative will exceed your expectations. Strap on your goal setting gear and let’s get GOALING!

A wish is just a wish until you write it down.It’s true. You can have a dream or wish to lose 10 pounds, find the perfect spouse or grow in your relationship with God. If you want to accomplish anything you have to write it down. Want to double sales in your insurance business? Write it down. Want to sign up ten

By JoHn KLocKe, FIcFCATHOLIC UNITeD FINANCIAL

“If you reach for the stars, you might not quite get one, but you won’t end up with a handful of mud, either.”


Reach for the stars

more new members than last year? Write it down. In fact, right now, get out a piece of paper and pen as you read this article, if it inspires you to set some new goals for 2012, you’ll have the tools you need to start the goal setting process by writing these goals down.

When you write down a goal there are some key points to remember on how to write it down. When we write down a goal we make a mental connection between our thoughts and our actions. How we write the goal can help us to achieve it. Here are some guidelines that can help:

1. Write your goal statement in a way that is specific and measurable. If you want to earn more next year, be specific about the amount. How much more do you want to earn?

2. Write your goal statement as though it has already been completed. If you want to increase your number of new members by 10% your goal would read - I have increased membership by 10%. This gives the goal a feeling of positive expectancy which is energizing to you when you read it.

3. Give your goal a deadline. When are you going to get it done by? This goes back to your goal being measurable.

In summary your goal statements should be specific, measurable, written as though completed and have a deadline. You now have 80% of what you need to be successful in setting goals. Now let’s talk about the other 20% that I call the master steps in goal setting.

Daily review makes all the difference.This simple step is very often not incorporated into a goal setting program. Those who do incorporate it find their level of success phenomenal and you will too. Are you ready for it? Each day, get out your list of goals and review them. Read through each goal and then close your eyes and visualize what it will look like for that goal to be complete. This visualization step not only keeps you focused on your goals on a daily basis but it can re-energize you when you think of all the good that will come to you as you imagine that goal being complete. Most of us will have 10-15 major goals for a year at most. Spending ten minutes reviewing these goals will guarantee you a higher level of success. Arthur Clark said, “The moon is the first milestone on the road to the stars.”

the Power of PrayerWhen I set goals I also feel better if I take them to God in prayer. I want to make sure that my goals are His goals too. With God blessing my work each day, I have a spiritual confidence to what I do. If you have not been in the habit of praying daily, it may take some time to develop. But I feel so much better when I have turned over my goals to God. If He knows what I am aiming for, what better partner could I have? God already knows my needs and my desires. Asking for his help makes me confident and makes Him well pleased.

It’s about balance.Do you know anyone who is all work and no play? Someone who racks up award after award for his work but can’t seem to keep a marriage working or a fitness plan going? Do you know someone who is restless all the time unless they are working on a case, presenting a case, wrapping up

a case or collecting commission on a case. We’ve all had periods I’m sure when we got so wrapped up in work we missed the rest of the important things going on in our lives. I know I have.

When you set goals by writing them down and regularly reviewing them, you activate a very powerful force. That’s why it’s important to set goals in all areas of your life. You can’t spend all of your time on fitness and working out, because you have to earn your daily bread. And yet you can’t spend all of your time and energy on your work, or you might neglect your spouse, kids or grandkids. And you can’t spend every waking hour with your family (even though I’d love to try) because you have to work, workout, eat, sleep, and many other things.

When I set goals for each year I do it by category. We each would categorize our lives in a different way and that’s no problem. We each have a different set of priorities and at any given point in our lives our priorities might change as well. Here are the key life areas I usually group my goals around:

1. Spiritual. My faith life is important and goals related to building my faith are the bedrock for everything else.

2. My relationships. I have important people in my life. My wife, my children, my parents and extended family and my friends. I set goals to keep those relationships healthy.

3. Health and Fitness. Awfully hard to have a good sales career if you are sick, or disabled because you didn’t take care of your health. I set regular exercise, diet and strength training goals.



4. Career. What are my goals for my insurance business? How much do I want to earn and how will I do it?

5. Finance. I set goals every year to manage my finance. Debt repayment, investing, insurance and budgeting income and expense are important.

6. Leisure and avocations. These are the goals that center around how I use my spare time. What do I do for fun? You’ve heard of fun haven’t you?

So those are the key areas I use. You may have more categories or less or you may name them differently, but the bottom line is, we need to lead a balanced life and take care of each key area. If we don’t, we can get burned out in one area or two while the other key areas wither due to lack of planning.

When I meet with families to help them with their insurance or saving planning it’s always pretty apparent which families have set goals in this area and which ones haven’t. Those who have made it a point to save money or protect their families generally have a peace of mind.

the past does not equal the future.Success guru, Tony Robbins has always used the phrase, “the past does not equal the future.” According to Robbins, because something happened last year does not guarantee it will happen again this year. We can change things for the better by setting goals. And by the same token if we don’t set new goals each year, we run the risk of getting the same result that we got last year. They say the definition of

insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I think that the past is a spring board into the future and goal setting determines the speed and height to which we can dive into the new year. We can learn from the past by regularly reviewing the results of our goal setting. We can see what has worked and what hasn’t and then we can re-shape our goals to take advantage of what we’ve learned. I like to continually improve on my phone calling, my approach, my referral building, my product presentation skills and my continuing education.

A word on persistency.Cecille B. Demille, the great filmmaker once said, “The person who makes a success of living is the one who sees his goal steadily and aims for it unswervingly.” Persistence is the final key to success when we do regular goal setting. Whether its persistence in making the right number of phone calls for appointments or conducting those appointments, we need to “keep on keeping on” in order to achieve success. To not persist in our efforts is to run the risk of stopping just short of the biggest case we’ve ever had.

Rome wasn’t built in a day. We’ve heard what a difference a day makes. But we also know that we can’t always do everything in a day. Perspective is the flip side of persistence. While we need to be persistent, we also need to be able to step back and look at a longer time horizon forward and backward to get a true sense of how we are doing. While we may not have made our goals today, if we look back at our accomplishments for the week, we can see that we did better than the

week before. And if we think back to where we were last year at this same time we might feel we are light years ahead of where we were. So make sure to judge your results with perspective before getting down on yourself today. Look at where you’ve been and look at where you are heading. Our success is a trend line over a long period of time.

So as you prepare for the coming year in 2012, think about the key areas of your life. Write down goals for each area. Make those goals specific, measurable and give them a deadline. Write them in the past tense as though they have been accomplished. Regularly review your goals, pray on them, persist in them and have the proper long term perspective. I wish for you an exciting new level of success and a new level of balance. Have a Happy New Year!

Here are some of my other favorite goal setting quotes:

‘Life is too short to be small.’ — Benjamin Disraeli

‘Hitch your wagon to a star.’ — Ralph Waldo Emerson

‘We aim above the mark to hit the mark.’ — Ralph Waldo Emerson

‘Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.’ — Henry Ford

‘It is not enough to take steps which may someday lead to a goal; each step must be itself a goal and a step likewise.’

— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe ‘You can’t rest unless you set goals that make you stretch.’

— Tom Hopkins

Thrivent Financial for LutheransMember ...........................Award

Sherryl Adair FIC .................... Chairman Michael Adler FIC ................... President QSSteve Allen FIC ........................ Chairman QSRobert Alspaugh FIC, CFP ..... Chairman QSJames Aman FIC, CHFC, LUTCF .................................. QSGalen Anderson FIC, LUTCF . President QSJeffrey Arnett FIC .................... Gold QSSteven Asche FIC, CLU, CHFC ................................... Chairman QSAnthony Augenstein FIC, LUTCF .................................. President QSDaniel Bacon FIC .................... President QSSteven Baker FIC ..................... QSMark Baker FIC ....................... Gold QSLarry Barcel FIC ...................... Silver QSDennis Barry Jr FIC ................. President QSJoan Bartz FIC .......................... President QSCurtis Baumgard FIC .............. Silver QSDiane Beckmann FICF ........... Silver QSLarry Behnken FIC CLU CHFC LUTCF ...................... Chairman QSMarci Bentz FIC ...................... QS

Scott Bingham FIC CLU CHFC CFP RHU .................. Platinum QSEric Brady FIC LUTCF ............ Chairman QSMarlin Brandt FIC ................... QSRichard Brathovde FIC CFP ....................................... Chairman QSRandolph Bressner FIC LUTCF .................................. QSDavid Brown FIC ..................... Chairman Darcy Brown FIC CHFC ......... Silver QSRoger Bunger FIC CLU CHFC .................................... President QSRandall Campbell FIC ............ President QSJustin Carlson FIC ................... Gold QSBryan Clendenen FIC ............. President QSStephen Cochell FIC LUTCF.. Gold QSShad Connor FIC CFP LUTCF .................................. Chairman QSWilliam Crocker FIC LUTCF . Platinum QSDonald Dale FIC LUTCF ........ Gold QSBruce Dennison FIC LUTCF .. President QSJohn Drafall FIC LUTCF ......... President QSCraig Duckworth FIC ............. QSPatrick Duensing FIC LUTCF .................................. Gold QS

William Duesterbeck FIC LUTCF .................................. Silver QSGregg Duncan FIC CFP .......... QSMark Eickmann FIC ............... Silver QSSharon Eilertson FIC .............. President QSCarl Etzler FIC ......................... Chairman QSJames Everts FIC ...................... Bronze QSCarsten Falkenberg FIC CLU CHFC CFP ................... Chairman QSMark Fischer FIC CLU CHFC LUTCF ...................... QSAndrew Flanscha FIC LUTCF .................................. President Timothy Flitter FIC LUTCF .... QSMark Follett FIC CLU LUTCF CFP .......................... Chairman QSTimothy Fraser FIC ................. Gold QSJanet Fritz FIC .......................... QSAlan Fronke FIC ...................... Chairman QSJeffrey Frost FIC CLU LUTCF .................................. President QSScott Fuhrman FICF CLU CHFC RHU .......................... President QSCharlotte Ghazarian FIC CLU CHFC LUTCF ............. Platinum QS

(Continued on page 18)

The National Association of Fraternal Insurance Counselors recognizes its members who provide

outstanding service to their Society members.

The Quality Service Award recognizes those who maintain at least 90% persistency covering issued life insurance production of $1 million or more on at least 25 paid applications.

The Production Award recognizes those who have attained certain levels of first-year earned commissions for issued

life insurance production of $1 million or more on at least 25 paid applications.

Bronze - $20,000; Silver - $32,000; Gold - $50,000; Platinum - $65,000; President’s Award - $80,000

Chairman’s Council is a special recognition for those who have achieved $125,000 in first year earned commissions.

Awards are based on information provided by the agent’s Society. Not all Fraternal Societies choose to participate in the Awards Program.

Congratulationst o t H e s e A D D I t I o n A L 2 0 1 1 n A F I c A W A R D W I n n e R s !



Dates: May 9 – 11, 2012

Location: Golden Nugget, Las Vegas

Book a Room: http://goldennugget.com/specials/eblasts/nafic.htmRoom rates from $55

For more information, visit www.nafic.org.

“This convention isn’t about being big; it’s about being better. This meeting is an intimate setting that allows us to ask questions, to grow and to learn.”

– Bo Keltner CLU, CLF, FIC, LUTCF Modern Woodmen of America

“It is the Fraternal insurance industry that sets this convention apart. The entire event gives you the opportunity to see the bigger picture… it’s more than just my Society.”

– Jeff Shinaberry CFP, CLU, CHFC, LUTCF Thrivent Financial for Lutherans

“There were a lot of ideas from professional presenters and the concepts were put in a language that insurance agents could understand and in turn they could pass along to their clients.”

– John Gonsiorek FIC, CSA, CLTC, LUTCF, CAS First Catholic Slovak Ladies Association

Featured Speakers:

Dr. Charles Petty Dr. Bruce Christopher

Joseph Jordan Coach Don Meyer

Calvin Jones Coach Greg Roeszler




Difficult people are everywhere! They can be our co-workers, customers,

supervisors, neighbors, and even family members. Difficult personality types can drain us of our energy and move us from a positive position to a negative state of mind very quickly. Many of us would like to avoid interacting with difficult people, or even worse, we can’t help but react to them with frustration and defensiveness.

Imagine this scenario, you are sitting in a dental office reception room waiting calmly for your appointment. Then, a well dressed professional looking man walks into the waiting area, strolls up to the receptionist and says, “Good afternoon, My name is Mr. Jones, I am here for my three o’clock appointment.” The receptionist greets him warmly, looks down into her scheduling book, turns the page, looks up and says, “Mr. Jones, I can see here that your appointment is for next Thursday at three o’clock, not today.”

“What?!”, he explodes, “Do you think I’m incompetent and don’t know how to read a calendar!! What is your name young lady?! I’m going to talk to the doctor about you and your employment!!!”

I asked an audience in one of my corporate seminars the question of why there are difficult people, and why do they do what they do? With quick wit, a woman exclaimed, “Because they are evil!” Though it may feel that way sometimes, in actuality, difficult people do what they do for a very strategic reason.

Think about the dental office story; why would this man explode in front of the receptionist in this manner? Because more likely than not, she is going to try to fit him into the schedule that day. You see, difficult people do what they do, not because they are evil, but because it works.

It is a strategy of problem-solving which they learned in childhood and carry into their adult relationships. Much of our personality development is a result of how we learned to handle conflict as children. In our preceding example, Mr. Jones most likely figured out as a child, that a way to handle conflict and get his needs met is by throwing a temper-tantrum. His behavior in the dental office is a micro-cosm of how he attempts to solve problems as an adult. Probably he explodes in the other relationships of his life as well; he explodes at his kids, his wife, and his co-workers. He has become an EXPLODER.

The first rule of thumb to realize when encountering a difficult person is to understand that they are not evil; they are simply displaying for you their primary defense mechanism and their unconscious strategy of getting their needs met.It is unconscious because most often, the individual is blind to their own behavior. You may recall talking to an exploder in your life and pointing out to them that they are yelling at you. “I am not yelling!!!!”, they may shout as their volume escalates even more.

How do we deal with these difficult personality types? Can we change them? The answer to the second question is no. You cannot change someone else; in fact, the more you try to change them, the more resistant they will become to your efforts.

Though you cannot change difficult people, you can deal with them by employing the technique of what I call “The Surprise Effect.” The Surprise Effect means four things; first, it means that you can do the exact opposite of what people expect you to do, second, it means you can take control of your own responses, third, it means you can be proactive with people and not reactive, and fourth, it means you can interrupt frustrating and dysfunctional patterns of behavior in relationships.

This works because most interpersonal interactions have an expected routine or outcome. For example, the expected outcome of anger is defensiveness. If someone explodes at me with anger, you can pretty much expect that I will become defensive and may even explode back.

On the flip side, what if instead of buying into the expected argument, I could re-script my own responses

Bambi vs.GodzillaBy PsycHoLogIst, BRUce cHRIstoPHeR


and do something totally unexpected and unanticipated? That would result in a different outcome!

In my seminar, I ask a volunteer from the audience to help me demonstrate the power of the Surprise Effect. I ask my helper to stand facing me with about two feet distance between us. We put both our hands up, palms facing forward, and on the count of three we will apply pressure on each other’s hands, trying to cause the other to loose their balance. However, these directions are a set up from me. Instead of pushing back on my “opponent” as he or she expects, I do the opposite by pulling my hands back at the last moment. The result is invariably that the other person falls forward, losing their balance while I stay centered, balanced, and empowered. I have surprised them by doing the exact opposite of what they have expected me to do.

Great communicators know how to do this intuitively. Instead of buying into the expected routine or outcome, they change the rules of the game by employing the Surprise Effect. If you can do it, the Surprise Effect allows you to stay centered and balanced, while your antagonist will lose center and balance.

For example, during a planning meeting you are giving a presentation about current trends in your industry. Right in the middle of your speech, one of your competitors yells out, “You know, you are really full of S __ __ __!” What would you do or say? The expected response might be for most of us to become defensive, or worse yet, maybe even reactive and yell back, “Well, you are too buddy!”

But imagine using a Surprise Effect to do the exact opposite of what your rival expects you to do -- perhaps you could use humor and say, “That is an amazing insight, most people take months to reach that conclusion,

you came to it in only 45 minutes.” This is actually a true story. It worked wonderfully; everyone laughed and the dialogue opened up to a more receptive audience.

The Surprise Effect shows us that we cannot change or control other people, but we can change and control our responses in any difficult situation. It helps us to see that we can interrupt the pattern of expected outcomes which difficult personality types are often counting upon.

There are six basic difficult personality types. Remember that these personality types are really defense mechanisms which the individual developed in childhood as a way to deal with conflict or get their needs met.

Let me introduce them briefly to you. First are the TANKS & EXPLODERS; these are the intimidating and aggressive personality types which use power to demand that their needs be met. Exploders often believe that no one will listen to them unless they blow up!

Second, are the SNIPERS; these people use sarcastic and cutting jokes to distract attention from their own feelings of insecurity or incompetence onto a more likely target. They use humor to get in a dig at someone else.

Next are the KNOW-IT-ALLS; they believe that “to be right is to be liked”, so they use intellectualism to impress others and gain status. They tend to be group dominators and may grasp for the spotlight in staff meetings.

Then come the WET-BLANKETS & FIRE-HOSERS; these are the complainers and chronically pessimistic/negative individuals in our personal and professional lives. They tend to be missionaries of misery and like to point out to others

how bad things can get around here. They often feel powerless to do anything about it, so they tend to complain and throw a “wet blanket” on new and good ideas.

Fifth on the list are SUPER-AGREEABLE CHARMERS; they are socially seductive and charming, yet tend to be super unreliable. Because of their high need for approval and fear of rejection, they tend to become accommodating and may often over-extend themselves trying to meet other people’s needs. But in the process may begin to “drop the ball” on personal and professional commitments and will attempt to use social charm as a way to distract attention away from the broken promise.

Finally, are the CLAMS & INDECISIVES; they tend to clam-up in the face of risk. In the sense that they are perfectionists and fear failure, their strategy is to lay back and remain indecisive in the hope that someone else will take the risk and decide for them.

It is essential to note that these are simple defense mechanisms which people use in a pressure situation. We can all be found in some degree in each of these defensive strategies. When the pressure is on, some of us clam up, some of us explode, and some of us try to charm our way out. Many of us have a primary style with which we are most comfortable, and this integrates into our personality and becomes a way we handle conflict as an adult.

I encourage the people in my seminar to come up with a “Behavioral Map” which they can use whenever they encounter a difficult personality type. Your “Map” can include two columns for each of the six difficult personalities. Take six pieces of paper, label each sheet of paper at the top with the six personality types


outlined in this article. Draw a line down the middle of each sheet; label the left-hand column “What I Should Not Do” and label the right-hand column “Surprise Effects.”

It is possible to restructure interpersonal events by being prepared with a Surprise Effect. For example, a few years ago I was living in an apartment complex and I had recently taken up a new hobby of boating. So I purchased a boat. While having no place to store my boat, I asked the management of the apartment complex if I could temporarily take up two parking spaces to pull in my boat until I found adequate space. No problem they said.

One night while parking my boat, a car squeals into the lot and an irate gentleman begins to explode at me, “I can’t believe you are taking up two spaces!! You know, we pay rent here too!!!”

I remembered my training on the Surprise Effect; I calmly waited until he was finished and then I surprised him by saying, “Sir you are absolutely right.”

The change which came over his face was amazing! “I am?”, he said. “Yes”, I continued, “I realize that you pay rent here too and that there are too few spaces; but I want you to know that I got permission from the management to do this and that it is a very temporary situation.” At the end of our brief conversation, he literally said, “Well… okay, and I’ll watch the boat for you.”

In less than two minutes he went from being my antagonist to being my ally and protecting my property! Why did this happen? Because I surprised him by doing the exact opposite of what he expected me to do. He was anticipating my defensiveness and anger, while instead I listened and acknowledged his feelings of frustration. I didn’t try to change him or talk him out of his anger, but rather, I controlled and changed my own responses.

There are many Surprise Effects which you can employ in any situation and with all of the six basic difficult personality types. I encourage you to have fun and think up two or three effective Surprise Effects which you can apply with the difficult people you interact with in your personal and professional life.

To jump start your thinking in the right direction, can you pick out the best course of action using a Surprise Effect for each of the four scenarios in the sidebar?

You can see Psychologist Bruce Christopher at the 2012 NAFIC Convention in Las Vegas. Visit his website at www.bcseminars.com.

What would you do. . . ?you are a customer service rep. for ABc company, Inc. During an appointment, one of your client’s angrily explodes at you. to diffuse his anger, you should…

a) explode backb) Tell him that what he is saying is so important that you’d like to get a notebook and take down all his concernsc) explain your side of the storyd) Cry and show how much his anger hurts you

What would you do. . . ?During a staff meeting, one of your colleagues tells a joke about you to the rest of the group. they all laugh, but you feel cut down and hurt. you should…

a) Laugh and pretend that it didn’t hurt at allb) Tell a joke back on that personc) Look directly at that person and say in a loud voice, “Stop it!”d) Get her alone and ask if she really feels that way about you

What would you do. . . ?After working all day long, then cooking and serving dinner, you ask dad & kids to help out by cleaning the dishes. they promise to help, but night after night your request goes unheeded. you feel angry, frustrated, and resentful. you should…

a) Immediately start to nagb) Throw away all the dishes (except your own place setting) and cheerfully let them eat off paper plates with plastic utensilsc) Threaten to leave the family unless they buckle down & helpd) Ground the kids & give your husband the “cold shoulder”

What would you do. . . ?you are at work, you notice the company “Wet-Blanket” coming toward you. she corners you & says, “things are soooo bad around here! the morale stinks! All everyone does is complain, complain, complain!” you should…

a) Say: “It’s not so bad, cheer up!”b) Say: “You might be right, why don’t you come up with some ideas and proposals about what we can do about it and let’s bring them to our supervisor”c) Say: “Well, things may be bad, but I’m going to have a great day anyway!”d) Say: “Ooooh, I am so sorry for you. Tell me more about your feelings and how I can help you.”

(Answers on page 19)


I have always loved one thing in particular about the life insurance business. That is the

fact that, at the end of each year, regardless of how good or bad that year was, the salesperson’s slate is wiped clean and a brand new year appears! This is unique to the profession of selling. It is an opportunity to sit down and take stock. What have I accomplished? What goals did I achieve? What are my goals for the new year? How can I get better at what I do?

Starting over can be viewed as good or bad, depending on the salesperson. The optimist looks forward to the challenge. But, if the last year was great and records were set, it’s just hard to let go and start from zero again. Having sold for a commercial company as well as several fraternal societies, I can personally testify that facing the new challenge at the beginning of the year is a lot tougher with a commercial insurer! I have tried to analyze why and what I keep coming up with is the basic difference between selling for a commercial company and a fraternal society.

Commercial sales people have a job. They are in it for the money. There is nothing wrong with that, after all, we’re not communists. But, when you compare this one dimensional view with the view of a committed fraternal salesperson, you quickly discover that the latter has some tremendous advantages. First and foremost, selling for a fraternal society, because of its tax exempt status, can offer a lot more satisfaction. Yes, the money is there, in proportion to effort, as in any sales profession, but the ability to give back to clients through the various fraternal benefits and charitable programs provides a “psychic income” which cannot be matched in the commercial insurance world.

Selling for a fraternal society also helps the salesperson with the number one problem which he or she will always have which is finding people to sell to! A fraternal lodge provides a continuous way of meeting people in a friendly, non-threatening manner. If the salesperson not only attends the lodge events but also pitches in to help plan and run them, he or she gains stature with the officers and

members and these people will be more willing to recommend prospects for the society’s products and membership in the lodge. Obviously, the benefit to the lodge is a constant flow of incoming new members and the benefit to the salesperson is the opportunity to meet new people in a low key, friendly environment. It is a fact that lodges which have active, interested salespeople affiliated with them thrive, and lodges without these salespeople wither and close as membership dwindles.

But it is also a fact that it is difficult to “fake” fraternalism because fraternalism is more of a way of life than a prospecting or sales strategy. It is more than attending chicken dinners and hoping for leads. Fraternalism is involvement and proactive leadership! It is helping find other fraternal minded people, bringing them into the lodge and inspiring them to participate. It

By PAtRIcK F. BRAUn, FIcF cLU LUtcFFIRST CATHOLIC SLOVAK LADIeS ASSOCIATION

Fraternal SellingrequireS BeingFraternal


is standing up when the lodge president asks for volunteers to help with the fundraiser or the youth activity. It is working in the kitchen, manning the booth, selling the raffle tickets and doing these things with zeal and good cheer. In short, it is being an integral part of the lodge’s fiber. The rewards to both

the salesperson and the lodge are wonderful when this attitude is taken.

As we enter 2012 and make our goals for the year, I would encourage every fraternal salesperson to get involved with one or more lodges and take advantage of all the

opportunities the fraternal system offers to have job satisfaction and a great sales year! The slate is clean and what we write on it will determine both our monetary and psychic income and therefore the satisfaction we will get from our fraternal career.

Congratulations on receiving your new designation!

Congratulationst o o U R n e W F I c s A n D F I c F s

Laurie Makola FIC Catholic Financial LifeRogelio Cabral FIC Catholic Financial LifeTimothy Penner FIC Catholic Order of ForestersJohn Klocke FICF Catholic United FinancialVernon Muth FIC FaithLife FinancialMark Glaab FIC FaithLife FinancialMary Jane Castillo FIC FaithLife FinancialKendra Harbinson FIC FaithLife FinancialAurelio Vito FIC FaithLife FinancialJohn Bobos FIC Knights of ColumbusJeffrey Smith FIC Knights of ColumbusKevin Philip FIC Knights of ColumbusGregory Orr FIC Knights of ColumbusJames Beimel FIC Knights of ColumbusCharles Sanville FIC Knights of ColumbusMichael Blake FIC Knights of ColumbusDonald Cupps FIC Knights of ColumbusJames O’Connor FIC Knights of ColumbusRonald Sandoval SR FIC Knights of ColumbusCharles Murphy FICF Knights of Columbusearl Seitz FIC Knights of ColumbusJohn Dumont FICF Knights of ColumbusJames Nealon FIC Knights of ColumbusDavid Goedtke FIC Knights of ColumbusJoel Clelland FICF Knights of ColumbusJames Stachura FICF Knights of ColumbusGus Janczyszyn FIC Knights of ColumbusJames F Barrette FIC Modern Woodmen of AmericaTammy Haugen FIC Modern Woodmen of AmericaK. Adair Hawkins FIC Modern Woodmen of AmericaKymberly Mowery FIC Modern Woodmen of America

Jordan Serum FIC Modern Woodmen of AmericaMelissa Thompson FIC Modern Woodmen of AmericaP. Shane Williams FIC Modern Woodmen of AmericaFrank Fleck FIC Modern Woodmen of AmericaPhyllis French FIC Modern Woodmen of AmericaMarci Hensley FIC Modern Woodmen of AmericaKourtney Karr FIC Modern Woodmen of AmericaCarson Kemp FIC Modern Woodmen of AmericaJudy Pingleton FIC Modern Woodmen of AmericaDavid Pope FIC Modern Woodmen of AmericaSusan Saul FIC Modern Woodmen of AmericaSebastian Silen FIC Modern Woodmen of AmericaCody Spann FIC Modern Woodmen of AmericaMatthew Ward FIC Modern Woodmen of AmericaAustin Cooper FICF Modern Woodmen of AmericaJames Carlson FIC Modern Woodmen of AmericaTyler Young FIC Modern Woodmen of AmericaJacky Bullock FIC Modern Woodmen of AmericaGlenda Vizecky FIC Modern Woodmen of Americaecho Downs FIC Modern Woodmen of AmericaCandi Ward FIC Modern Woodmen of AmericaRuth Hernandez FIC Modern Woodmen of AmericaDavid Quirsfeld FICF National Catholic Society of ForestersDavid Huckstep FIC Thrivent FinancialRandall Swetnam FIC Thrivent FinancialAndrew Gamache FIC Thrivent Financialeric Phillips FIC Woodmen of the Worlderic Taylor FIC Woodmen of the WorldJerry Hemphill FIC Woodmen of the WorldDebra Arnette FICF Woodmen of the World

Lynn Grabow FIC .................... Chairman QSBruce Graving FIC CFP® ..................................... President QSPaul Gronholz FIC LUTCF ..... Chairman QSScot Guldin FIC ....................... Chairman Harold Gustafson Jr FIC ......... QSFrank Hall FIC ......................... QSJohn Halweg FIC ..................... Chairman QSWallace Hamman FIC ............ President QSRichard Hart FIC ..................... Silver QSTerry Hartwig FIC ................... Bronze QSKeith Harvey FIC CFP ............ Chairman QSLuann Hegland FIC ................ Silver QSMark Hemann FIC .................. Gold QSJonathan Hendrickson FIC .... Platinum QSRichard Henricks FIC CLU CHFC ........................... President QSScott Herrmann FIC ............... President QSGary Heuer FIC ....................... Chairman QSJoel Hillmann FIC ................... Chairman QSJeremy Hofer FIC ..................... Chairman QSTerry Hokaj FIC CHFC ........... Platinum QSMichael Horntvedt FIC CLU CHFC LUTCF ............. Platinum QSMatthew Hug FIC ................... Chairman QSDean Hull FIC ......................... QSShirley Hunt FIC LUTCF ........ President QSMichael Hutchinson FIC ........ Chairman QSDebra Jans FIC ......................... Gold QSDaniel Johnson FIC ................. Gold QSJames Johnson FIC .................. President QSMark Johnson FIC ................... President QSMark Johnson FIC CHFC CFP ....................................... President QSMary Johnston FIC .................. President QSJay Kempf FIC .......................... Silver QSMark Kiefer FIC ....................... Silver QSMichael Klein FIC ................... Platinum QSMark Kleindienst FIC CLU CFP .............................. Chairman QSTimothy Klipfel FIC CHFC LUTCF .................................. Silver QSDaniel Klug FIC ....................... Platinum QSKenneth Knaus FIC ChFC CLU LUTCF ......................... Gold QSSuzanne Kocurek FIC ............. President QSDale Kopplin ............................ Silver QSGerhardt Korn FIC LUTCF ..... Silver QSLance Kroesch FIC CHFC CASL ......................... President QS

Curtis Renner FIC ................... Silver QSTim Rennicke FIC ................... QSJeff Rodemeyer FIC ................. QSElizabeth Schedler FIC ........... Silver QSCraig Schinke FIC ................... President QSHarvey Senn FIC LUTCF ........ Chairman QSNeal Shackel FIC ChFC LUTCF CFP .......................... Chairman QSMichael Simpson FIC ............. QSMarvin Spreen FIC .................. Platinum QSJaime Stantz FIC ...................... President QSBeverly Suemnicht FIC ........... QSRichard Tabert FIC .................. President QSRory Test FIC CLU ChFC CASL ..................................... Silver QSGerard Thompson FIC LUTCF .................................. President QSLaura Tjomsland FIC .............. Bronze QSGary Tollefson FIC LUTCF ..... Chairman QSJohn Ungerman FIC CLU ChFC CFP ............................ Chairman QSRobert Vesely FIC .................... President QSJerold Vomhof FIC LUTCF ..... Chairman QSAnthony Wahler FIC ............... Silver Russell Walsh FIC ................... QSMartin Westen FIC ................. Chairman QSKathy Wichmann FIC ............. Gold QSJohn Wick FIC ......................... President QSChristopher Wieting FIC ....... Gold QSLarry Winter FIC ChFC LUTCF CFP .......................... Chairman QSLinda Witham FIC .................. QSLouis Wold FIC LUTCF .......... Platinum QSRichard Wolf FIC ChFC LUTCF CFP .......................... Platinum QSR Drew Woodburn FIC CLU ChFC LUTCF .............. Chairman QSJeffrey Works FIC .................... Gold QSDavid Wuerffel FIC ................. QSJohn Young ............................... Silver QSMichael Youngs FIC ................ Gold QSGary Zinter FIC ........................ QS

Thomas Kukkonen FIC .......... Silver QSJames Langenkamp FIC ......... President QSWard Larson FIC CHFC CASL ..................................... QSRichard Law FIC LUTCF ........ Silver QSPaul Lekar FIC ......................... Chairman QSAlan Leutloff FIC CLU LUTCF .................................. Chairman QSJohn Levi FIC ........................... Chairman QSCory Lienemann FIC .............. Silver QSDaniel Lucas FIC LUTCF........ Gold QSTimothy Lukasek FIC ............. QSMarlin Maclay FIC CHFC CASL ..................................... QSLynnette Mahlke FIC CLU LUTCF CFP .......................... Chairman QSNorma McNamara FIC ........... Platinum QSKenneth McQuirter FIC ......... President QSDavid Meade FIC CHFC CFP ....................................... Chairman QSRichard Meunier FIC .............. President QSColin Mildred FIC ................... Silver QSRonald Mohr FIC CHFC ......... Chairman QSRyan Mohr FIC ........................ Gold QSTimothy Moran FIC ................ QSKyle Mumpton FIC CFP ......... Chairman QSDavid Neunaber FIC CHFC ... Chairman QSJoseph Newman FIC ............... Silver QSMichael Niedfeldt FIC LUTCF .................................. Silver QSDouglas Olawsky FIC C HFC ...................................... President QSJeffrey Olson FIC ..................... Chairman QSRandal Oppenneer FIC .......... QSDaryl Osmus FIC .................... Chairman QSJacinto Padron FICF ................ Silver QSJohn Parsons FIC CFP ............. Chairman QSKelly Perry FIC ......................... President QSMary Peterson FIC .................. Chairman QSDavid Polzin FIC CLU ............ President QSRoger Rachul FIC CLU ChFC LUTCF ....................... President QS


A D D I t I o n A L 2 0 1 1 n A F I c A W A R D W I n n e R s ! (Continued from page 9)

Congratulations!

Fraternal Field ManagerS aSSociation

Board of Directors 2011-2012In February 2009, Thomas E. Adamson

joined Naperville based Catholic Order of Foresters (COF), a 128-year-old Catholic fraternal benefit insurance society as vice president of sales.

Adamson came to COF from National Catholic Society of Foresters (NCSF) where he served as national sales director. At NCSF he held responsibility for sales staff development including agent recruitment and training, product review, and sales promotion. An insurance industry veteran, Adamson honed his individual and group insurance product marketing, agency

management, and agent training and development skills with a large mutual insurance company. His experience includes opening new and managing existing agencies. Adamson has held the position of president and vice president with the Illinois Fraternal Congress and is currently the president of the Fraternal Field Managers Association.

An Evanston, Illinois, resident, Adamson received a B.S. in psychology from Loyola University, Chicago. In addition, he holds Fraternal Insurance Counselor, Certified Fraternal Field Manager, Chartered Life Underwriter and Chartered Financial Consultant designations, as well as National Association of Securities Dealers Series 7 and 24 licenses.

From left to right:

Jay SchenkSecretary-TreasurerTom Schisler (Catholic United Financial)Pat Barnes (Modern Woodmen of America)Joe Martinez (Knights of Columbus)Mark Dean (Thrivent Financial)Tom Adamson, President (Catholic Order of Foresters)Larry Gordon (Gleaner Financial)Pat Dees (Woodmen of the World)Greg Sloan (FaithLife Financial)Greg Felton (National Slovak Society of the USA)

Fraternal news

Answers for the scenarios:the exploding client: b) The best surprise effect in this situation is b). exploders are used to having people either explode back, defend, or crumble in the face of their emotional outbursts. exploders explode because they believe no one will listen to them unless they emotionally escalate. Therefore, taking a notebook to write down all of their concerns is a surprise effect for them – having someone write down everything that is bothering you is the ultimate in attention. And it interrupts the pattern; how can one explode when you are taking notes on them?

the sniping colleague: d) The best surprise effect in this situation is d). Snipers use humor to get in a dig at someone else. This is an indirect and passive-aggressive way to deflect attention from themselves and onto another. The best way to smoke out a sniper is to remove them from their cover, which in this case is the group of people in the staff meeting, and ask them direct questions. You can ask her a direct question like this

while alone with her: “Mary, you told a joke about me in the staff meeting, and everyone laughed, but I sensed a dig there -- do you really feel this way about me?” Of course she will say no, or that it was just a joke and you are being too sensitive. This line of questioning is uncomfortable for a sniper because it is too direct and puts the spotlight on them. Most often the sniper will think twice about taking a shot at you again, because you may have another one-on-one conversation with them, which they hate.

the lazy family: b) The best surprise effect for the lazy family is b). Most of the time, we become angry with people because we can’t get them to do what we want them to do – even if we are right! In this scene, mother has a reasonable request for help, but dad and kids are resisting her. She may resort to nagging, threats, or punishment; but these strategies tend to create more resistance. An effective surprise may be to disengage from trying to change them, and simply allow them to

eat off paper plates and use plastic utensils, while mom continues to eat with the fine china. This is a true story from Dr. Harriet Learner’s book, The Dance of Anger, which actually results in the family getting the message in a fun and creative manner.

the company wet-blanket: b) The best surprise effect for the wet-blanket is b). Wet-blankets are complainers and pessimists who are used to people trying to talk them out of their misery or cheer them up. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work. Complainers complain because they typically feel powerless to do anything about it. empowering them by moving them toward solution-seeking behavior can help them to do more while complaining less. However, most wet-blankets will not do the project, they would rather complain, yet they are unlikely to wet-blanket you again; because you are going to move them toward solutions and they don’t want to go there!

A D D I t I o n A L 2 0 1 1 n A F I c A W A R D W I n n e R s ! (Continued from page 9)


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Dates: May 9 – 11, 2012 Location: Golden Nugget, Las Vegas

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