Negotiation

Dr. Ingrid Crowther

What Are Negotiations?

• Resolving disagreements between two or more individuals

• Tackling a joint problem

• Reaching an agreement– Discussion – Compromise

Negotiations Are Not

• Arguments• Heated discussions• Power trips• Getting Your Own Way• Briberies• Bickering

Negotiation and Children’s Thinking

• Know how your child is thinking– Infants’ thinking –

comfort and establishing trust in caregivers

– Start process by providing limited choices and verbalizing actions, feelings… “You decided you want the star. Here it is.”

Negotiation and Children’s Thinking

• Know how your child is thinking– Toddlers’ thinking –

egocentric, cannot perceive another perspective, autonomy

– Start by offering closed choices in potential conflict areas – same toys, same activity, You can do… or….

Negotiation and Children’s Thinking

• Know how your child is thinking– Preschoolers’ thinking –

egocentric, focus on one aspect, forming friendships, forming self concept

– Start by acknowledging with feelings, engaging problem solving, provide teaching guidelines

Negotiation and Children’s Thinking

• Know how your child is thinking– School-age – start to

understand other perspectives, mood swings, right and wrong belief

– Involve children, set guidelines, write down agreements

Strategies

• Decide on what is negotiable – need to agree on hard-fixed rules

• Set the parameters of possible negotiations

Strategies• Deal with emotions first –

adult and child• Active listening – Set the

stage – “We seem to have a problem……

• Involve the child - “How do you think we might solve this problem?”

• Concentrate on the issue – Easy to get sidetracked into other areas

Strategies

• Be consistent with partners and over time• Be Fair• Limit your child’s ability to negotiate -

Sometimes children think that they can negotiate everything. “This is not open to negotiation.”

• Know your child to provide realistic choices – Making choices often leads to negotiations

During the Negotiation Process

• Teach by example – what you say, how you say it, and how look

• Active listening• If needed, give closed choices – the younger the

child the fewer the choices• Keep it positive• Compromise means everyone gives up something• Use silence • Be fair

After Negotiations

• Re-state what has been agreed upon - with older children – you might write it down

• Reinforce positive behaviour during the process

• Be consistent over time – may need reminders about compromises reached

• Re-open negotiations as child matures

Contact

• ingrid@lifelonglearn.com• http://lifelonglearn.com• 780 439-4757New service – Sign up for your free periodic newsletters• http://www.ilearner.com/