Date post: | 17-May-2015 |
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Entertainment & Humor |
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In which seven becomes ten, Servos
refuse to serve and ever shred of
normality floats away on the winds
of chaos.
Hello one and Al to this newest
instalment of Never Mind the Nooboos.
'Which you have again buggered up!'
*sigh* Nice to see you again too Regina.
Basically, the first few pictures were
lost, then I deleted all my CC, because
>20GB is way too much for anyone and
then a toad ate my big toe...wait, I don't
think that one happened. No, just
the lost pics and the CC.
So, catch up. In the lost pics they were robbed (only their
Aspiration Changer Orb Thing) and
Regina finished her Servo.
Woop.
'So, what do you want today Regina?'
'Can you replace this idiot we call a
Goddess?'
HEY!
'Sorry, with the recession and all, we've had to cut
funding. I only do the basic
love/money/friends/etc deal now.'
'*sigh* Then I guess we'll take some
money, as Alice also got rid of our nice
house.'
I was bored of it.
So, that's that. And, obviously, everyone
got makeovers.
Sit back, relax and maybe get a cup of tea, as we make the
seven kids into an even ten, wonder
what the actual llamas Carrie is on
about, and why Donna may be the
most awesome person ever.
Enjoy kids.
First, a look at the new house for those
interested in that kinda thing.
Ground floor, with the open plan living area, kitchen, patio
breakfast area, playground,
greenhouse, garage and skilling room.
First floor with the kids room, Regina and Klaus's room
and the communal bathroom, as well as
the dating balcony with telescope,
hottub and roses.
I'm kinda proud of this place. It's pretty.
I normally suck at building, but this place has charm.
Saying that I'll prolly make them move
again in a few kids time.
Everyone, remember Klaus?
'Hello everyone.'
He got new hair and a new outfit (not the
one he's wearing. He's just off to work)
but the rest is the same.
Regina grew out her hair and went for a
more feminine look.
'Bite me!'
But she's still as bad tempered as ever. In
her hands is the youngest Havar,
Donna.
Carrie.
'What's happening folkie-doodle-dos.'
She still makes no sense, but has an
awesomelicious new hat.
'It's funkarific.'
Indeed.
And finally the Servo, Dogsbody.
'Meep.'
He doesn't say much, nor does he do much
work.
'Meep.'
Right back atcha little guy. He was activated
by Klaus, so has full skill points, and I
then had him stick his head in the orb,
making him Grilled Cheese.
'Meep.'
Leave the poor baby alone.
'Meep.'
I guess that no one else does pay her any
attention. Poor Donna. Klaus and
Genie have had too many kids to care
anymore.
Ahoy sailor!
'It's sunny. I can't see.'
You're in the shade of the orchard,
Klaus.
'So?'
Normality? Nope, not yet. One day,
maybe.
Also still with us is Reepicheep, the
womrat of Klaus and Regina's college
years.
He will make it to baby Z or I'll kill
him.
Alice wants a wishing well, so we
give the Garden Club another whirl.
I like wishing wells. Dunno why. But I
do.
And I get it.
Thank you ginger guy!
'So, do I get a place in Beetroot's Queen
Bee Challenge?'
You're breaking up. *static noises* I
can't hear you. *more static* Hold
on. *line goes dead*
'Darn it!'
'Alice, why do I have to do this? It's
stinktasticly sukaroonie.'
Because you are the first kid to not get
accepted into Private School first
time and if you don't get in this time I
will make your life even more of a
misery.
'Fine, I'll play the gosh darn the
viomalinarator.'
'I'll let Carrie in, if you...give me a kiss.'
'What?'
'Come on, where's the harm?'
'REGINA! HELP! Some weird old guy
with dyed hair is trying to corrupt me!'
Suck it up, Klaus. We want that dolt
daughter of yours in fancy school.
With Klaus failing, we send in the
cavalry. Dogsbody saves the day and
Carrie gets in.
Woot!
*drool*
'Alice, my face isn't in the shot.'
Shh! *drool* You may all like Bennie
and Brian, but Klaus has got it going on.
Drooltasticness.
'If Regina heard that-'
Good point well made. *hides*
But look at that face! Utter cuteness!
There is but one reason that the pile of crap called Dogsbody
is still with the family, and not
rotting at the bottom of a pile of rubbish in the scrap metal yard. That reason is that he is friends with Klaus, and Klaus could use a
friend.
He makes Klaus smile, and that's
dandy with me, and is also the same reason
that Regina is still with us.
Snore time, also known as one in a
long, dull line of birthday shots.
Sorry Donna, but we're all tired of this.
Other than Regina. This is the first
birthday she's attended in ages.
Red eyebrows.
Blonde hair.
Hmm, methinks something is amiss
with little Donna. Ah, that explains it.
While the rest of the family is chronically
shy, Donna is a ten point finger gunning
naked hottubber.
And Klaus is indeed still pissed. Very
realistic isn't it? I was mugged on my
birthday once and got over it the moment I
was offered cake.
Like the rest of the family, Donna =
Cuteness.
But doesn't she look petrified of Regina?
Stats wise, she is totally different to the rest of the family. 10
neat points, 10 outgoing, 4 active
(the rest have 6 and up), 4 playful and 7
nice. Little freak.
I loves her!
With that out the way, the "happy" couple celebrate.
And this happens. Hello baby E!
Regina? Are you actually smiling?
'I...think so.'
Please don't. It's creepy.
'Isn't she cute and precious and
special.'
One day Klaus, you are going to get tired
of kids.
'I don't think so.'
It will come. I can assure you.
'He he he! CLOWN!'
Well, Regina's Gold toymaking badge was
going to waste, so Donna is the first kid
to play with some non-skilling toys.
Scary stuff.
The well gets a lot of use. We needs
friends, so Dogsbody gets us friends.
'Meep.'
Klaus? That's for Donna.
'I want to be clever too!'
*sigh* Knowledge sims. What can you
do?
'AHHHH! Awice! Da wobot gunna eat me!'
Crapola!
So we lay to rest Donna Havar. We
barely knew ye.
I jest. But it was close. The robots are
running amok! AMOK!
'Say Daddy.'
'No!'
'Come on Donna. Say Daddy.'
'No!'
I love this kid. She's so...savvy and spunky
and so on. And she pulls the cutest faces.
'Alice, I'm cutearific too, aren't I?'
Sure thing Carrie. You will always be
my favourite...prolly. Though I'm not sure
that post private schools appreciate
customization of uniform.
'Whatcha talking about?'
The hat.
'Me and the hat have formed a symbiotic
relationship.'
Wow. That was a real sentence. And I spelt
symbiotic ri ght with no help.
What can I say? I have a perverted and
strange mind. Gay Grilled Cheese Servo
who only ever says Meep.
And note the oddly appropriate
conversation in the background. You cannot write this
stuff.
'Cute bwick.'
Nawwww. Anyone else want to just eat
her up?
Dogsbody? Who's this?
'Meep.'
ACR. It's a menace people, but I love it!
Woot! Another LTW in the bag. If only
Regina was so easy. So, what now?
'Head of the SCIA.'
Coolness.
'Sometimes you think that this family can't
get any stranger, Alice. Then you turn
and see a Servo playing the piano.'
Because you're totally dull and
normal, aren't you Carrie?
Bad wishing well friend!
More friends pulled out of the well. I
dunno how we ever survived without it.
Are you being...nice?
'I like this kid. It doesn't annoy me.'
Yet.
'Good point.'
There it is. The Regina we all love. I was worried for a while that she was
going soft, but nope. She's still a
bitch.
'Imma steal the gnome back.'
Good luck.
No words.
With 8 days till elderhood, both
Regina and Klaus chug a bottle of
Elixar each.
'Tastes like kiwi fruit, tizer and
sneezes.'
Lovely.
Are you two ever going to get bored
of each other?
'*slurp* Get lost Alice!'
Sorry.
Carrie skills so slow.
Okay, apparently I've lost some of Carrie's
skill pics, so this will count as Cooking,
Mechanical and Cleaning.
Last time we started on the English
National Character, so let's continue with
that.
Politeness : The English are said to be
obsessed with the word "sorry". I must say that it is true that
we are more polite than many of the
foreigners I've met. It was said by George
Orwell that "In no country inhabited by white men is it easier
to shove people off the pavement.' In
England you apologize even when
hit by a car in your own living room. It's
what we do.
Dogsbody proposed to...that guy. I forget his name. So at least
he'll have somewhere to go.
When Donna leaves for college,
Dogsbody will also be moving out, as he's annoying and
gets in the way.
Deja Vu. I remember this from Part One.
Yeah, Klaus still watches Regina
sleep. And no, I never tell him to.
'Dogsbody, do you mind not...doing the
nasty with your boyfriend in my bed?'
'Meep.'
'Then at least wait until I get Donna out
of the room.'
'Meep.'
ACR. Gotta love it and the chaos it
creates.
You've had seven kids. How do you not
get this yet, Genie?
Rather than deal with Donna, Genie goes
outside to raise Carrie's aspiration for
her birthday.
'Mumsiedoodle, I said that I wanted to
be pal-type-people with you, not that I
wanted to be sickalichious on the
lawn!'
Poor Carrie.
'My belly feels like eels are doing the
conga in there!'
Indeed.
Cake will make it better.
'I wish for an awesometastic
collection of funkalicious
hatamagigs!'
And I wish that you weren't such a moron.
Every other kid maxed their skills by
day four of childhood. Carrie has three left and is a teen
now.
She is so dim!
But cute as a button. Carrie rolled
Pleasure (YES!!!!) with the LTW to
become a Rock God. I don't see that
somehow. She's more Dr Zuess than
Alice Cooper.
But cute as a button. Carrie rolled
Pleasure (YES!!!!) with the LTW to
become a Rock God. I don't see that
somehow. She's more Dr Zuess than
Alice Cooper.
Again. Now what?
'Captain Hero. I wanna wear spandex
and not feel bad about it.'
Ahem. TMI.
Klaus, please don't start this again. It was
weird enough when you did the creepy
staring thing to Genie. Carrie's your
daughter.
'My favourite daughter.'
I forgot about that. Carry on then.
Mechanical.
Stoicism : Emotional
indifference is the cornerstone of
English society. As long as there is beer
in the pubs and football on the TV,
we can take anything. War,
poverty, taxes...whatever.
Woot! Babies!
'Shut up and name the buggers so I can
leave.'
Nice to see you again too, Genie.
Triplets. Figures. Trust Genie to fill up
the house with one birth.
First is Emery, a little girl. As you may know, Emery is Regina's middle name, and is the
name of a Werewolf in one of my many unfinished novels.
This Emery has green eyes and is the first
skin tone four red head. Brian, Trix and Regina are all blonde.
Gross! Come on Dogsbody. Have
some sense of occasion will you.
Next is another girl, this one called Emmett, after
Emmett Cullen from Twilight.
She is skin tone 2 (I think) with red hair
and blue eyes.
And last is the boy I wanted, Edward. Another Cullen.
Edward has red hair, blue eyes and skin
tone one.
Great. Now we have to wait for Carrie to
go for more kids.
Edward is everyone's favourite.
If someone's holding a baby,
more often than not it's Edward. Poor
Emery and Emmett barely get a look in.
Charisma.
Reserve : We English folk can be accused
of being reserved. In my family this is true.
Avoiding intimacies until you've
perfecting avoiding even simple
conversation with your nearest and
dearest. The reserve we have as a Nation
is an extension of our politeness, and often
mistaken as diffidence, aloofness and sometimes even
effeminacy. Americans have been known to say that all
men from England sound gay. Better
than sounding like burger eating, gun toting jackasses.
More birthday times.
'Like fire.'
Pyromaniac.
Isn't she adorable?
'Of course I am. Now, I am going to
make Carrie feel bad by skilling
faster than her.'
Good for you kid.
Body.
Self-deprecation : It was said by Andy
Parsons that "Only in Britian would there be a book
called "Crap Towns" and them
have to make a second book, "Crap
Towns 2" because so many people
wrote in complaining that their town didn't
make the first book". We like a
good moan, even if it's about ourselves.
'Jealous that I'm smarter than you?'
'What in the name of holy carp do you
meanerate?'
'Well, in the time it took you to get one
skill point, I got five.'
True story. Even with the hat.
Will you all leave Edward alone and
pay attention to your other nine kids?
That poor boy has not been left alone
since birth!
Creativity.
Good Humour : England provides the
best comedians for any country. Sorry, but it's true. In part it's because of our language. Unlike
other modern European languages,
our grammar relies on word order rather
than case endings, meaning that punch lines can be hidden. And then there's the
natural wit we possess. Often our
humour links to self-deprecation; we like
nothing more than laughing at people
slagging us off. We love it! To me this is pretty much summed up in the man that is Marcus Brigstocke.
Google him, Youtube him, love him. I'm currently watching
him on an old episode of Live at the
Apollo.
And Carrie is done with Logic.
Eccentricity : Julian Clary (a legend and one of my favourite people in the world)
said "The English like eccentrics. They
just don't like them living next door." To
be an eccentric in England you must be
either unusually talented, or rich. Else you're headed for the asylum. The Royals are the most famous
eccentrics in the country. There's no
other way to explain Prince Charles.
Bye Carrie. Have fun at college and say
high to your siblings for me!
'Sure thing Alice Cat!'
Alice Cat?
'Like Alley Cat.'
Okay. Just go!
While the rest of the "grown ups" spazzed out in the hall, Carrie ran out the back door
and to freedom.
Lucky her. I'm stuck here for another 21
letters.
Cooking.
Fair Play : Some call it chivalry. Others
call is idioticy. But we Brits play by the rules. Since the days
of King Arthur, it's been who we are. It's linked to our love of
sports such as cricket and rugby. If you
can't play right, bugger off.
Donna is not vindictive and mean.
No. She's not still pissed about a
robbery back when she was a baby.
Nope, not this gal.
Donna takes care of her headmaster visit
herself. No letting the adults screw it up.
This girl means business.
'So, you're gunna let me into your school
and make daddy happy, or I'll bring
Carrie back.'
'Done. Welcome to Snootypants
Comprehensive, Miss Havar.'
'Excellent.'
Triple birthday!
What larks!
Edward. At the moment he looks a
lot like Klaus and Admes, so the
cheekbones will ease as he grows.
Other than that, he's cute.
He's a Virgo (9,2,6,3,5).
Emmett. She looks a lot like Bennie. It's
slightly pointed, but she will grow up well or your money back.
She's a Taurus (7,4,4,7,3).
And here's Emery. Cuteness.
She's an Aries (9,9,6,3,6), taking after Donna in the
personality points.
Already the triplets are all best friends
with each other, and they skill pretty fast. I loves them all, but
not as much as Carrie and Donna.
So, that's that. From left to right, back to
front, it's Emmett, Regina, Edward,
Dogsbody, Donna, Emery and Klaus.
Points are thus; Dream Dates : 8 (8
points) Maxed Skills : 45
(135 points) A+ Report Cards :
15 (7.5 points) LTWs : 4 (12
points) Family Friends : 10
(5 points) Good Birthday : 19
(19 points)
Total : 186.5 points