Creating Non-Bullying Communities

Using radical welcome to build strong community.

What is Bullying?Bullying is when one person uses an imbalance of

power to hurt, humiliate or exclude another over a

period of time.

What is Bullying? Teasing is not bullying unless it is always the same

person being teased. Mutual teasing is an important

part of social interaction.

What is Bullying?Not being made a part of a group is not bullying

unless that exclusion is deliberate and wide spread.

What is Bullying? Losing a fight is not being bullied, unless the fights

are frequent and the person always loses.

The Costs of BullyingVictims of bullying feel isolated, their learning is

negatively affected and it may cause some social

problems in the future. On the other hand most

victims are able to get past the abuse and live

productive lives.

The Costs of Bullying The bullies tend to continue their antisocial behaviour

and have a much greater risk of substance abuse,

abusive relationships and criminal behaviour.

The Costs of Bullying The community is fractured by bullying. This

brokenness affects everyone’s ability to function fully.

Causes of BullyingMany people still think that bullying is just a part of

childhood.

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Bullying doesn’t stop with age. It is a sad truth that we don’t grow out of bullying. In

fact bullying becomes established as management in

work and volunteer situations. Though not as often

physical. The psychological and emotional bullying

that happens in adult grouping is no less isolating and

damaging to the individual and the group. The

learned behaviours of children become our practice

as adults unless we become mindful of them and

make a deliberate change.

Causes of BullyingBullies and victims both have lower social skills and

function differently in groups than their peers.

Causes of BullyingBullies use their tactics to achieve a short term goal.

They are often incapable of conceptualizing long term

consequences.

Causes of BullyingBullies learn their tactics from inconsistent and/or

abusive parenting. They may also become bullies to

stop being victims.

Responses to BullyingMany anti-bullying programs simply shift the focus of

bullying from the victim to the bully. Any response

which shames the bully or punishes the bully will be

seen by the bully as unjust. It will cement the

behaviour rather than eliminate it.

Responses to BullyingRemoving the victim from the situation may be

penalizing the victim for being bullied. Removing the

bully will mean that they don’t learn appropriate skills

for social interaction.

A Community Solution The issue of bullying is a community issue. The

solution is a community solution.

A Community Solution If we are living radical welcome, we must welcome

the bully and the victim into a new way of relating, not

just with each other, but with the community as a

whole.

A Community SolutionWhen a community is integrated and healthy,

everyone learns successful ways of fulfilling needs.

When they have a problem fulfilling needs, the

community responds to help.

Three parts of Welcome DiversityWhen we make a conscious effort to name and

welcome diversity, difference becomes strength. Imagine playing a hockey game with only goalies on your team. We need all kinds of people, the more kinds we have the richer we are as a community. Very often we subtly suggest that difference is weakness. It is in how the leadership in our groups manage people who don’t quite fit in. If they are always pushing them to be like the others, they are not modeling welcoming diversity. It is important to train staff to see many ways of participating.

Three parts of Welcome Diversity

Three parts of WelcomeRelationship In community relationship is at the core. We want to

teach healthy relationships with each other in what ever situation we find ourselves. The first lesson is how the leadership relates to each other. The second is how the leadership relates to the volunteers. This is where it is important to keep an eye on teasing. While teasing is an important tool for building relationships, it can’t be allowed to be one sided or focused on one individual. Having leadership who don’t mind being teased and model healthy exchange is vitally important. The value of names is huge here. When the staff know their camper’s names, the campers feel part of the team.

Three parts of WelcomeRelationship

Three parts of WelcomeCourageCourage sounds like a difficult thing to teach, but

once people know that courage is a response to fear, not the absence of it, it becomes easier. The truth is that taking action in a community requires courage. Suggesting another way of doing things, taking the side of a victim, becoming a friend to a bully all take courage. It also takes courage for a community to acknowledge that bullying is not ‘their’ problem, but ‘our’ problem. Naming things gives us power over them, and naming bullying as a problem in the community will empower solutions.

Three parts of WelcomeCourage

Bullies and the Bible There are lots of examples of bullies in scripture. King

Saul was a bully as were many of the Kings that followed, some of the interaction of the disciples suggests that they had bullies among them. The important thing to note is that violent response to bullying is not what the Bible teaches. What we see again and again through the stories is that the response to bullying was the restoration of relationship. Jesus didn’t throw the disciples out, he kept teaching them and showing them the radical welcome of the Dominion of God.

Bullies and the Bible

How do we respond?Bullying is going to happen. Everyone comes with

their learned behaviours. That means some will fall into bullying behaviour while others have issues that may lead to them being targets. Even if there are no easy targets, the bullying behaviour may still happen. If we respond by coming down on the bully and blaming/shaming them then they don’t learn about relationship. This is where the idea of restorative justice is helpful. How do we restore relationships that have been broken? It is a very different question than whose fault it is.

Making it work The key to creating non-bullying community is the

leadership. Not leadership in terms of telling people

how to behave or not behave, but leadership in terms

of how the people in charge treat each other.

Making it workA vital healthy leadership team will model strong

community and the group will follow.

Making it work Find and encourage the natural leaders in the social

groups. Everyone wants to be ‘cool’. If the cool ones

refuse to bully, most of the others will.

Questions

For more information see http://bit.ly/nonbullying