Nov 2013 149

1JOY TO ALL MEN AND PEACE TO MANKIND friend us on

ALSO THIS ISSUE: Remembering our loved ones and coping with grief.

God puts in the heart of every living person the desire for unending life and happiness.

While death claims each of us at the appointed time, God gives us something which death cannot touch–his own divine life and sustaining power. In the Old Testament, one of the greatest testimonies of faith and hope in the midst of great suffering and pain is that of Job: “For I know that my Redeemer lives, and that at the last he will stand upon the earth; and after my skin has been thus destroyed, then in my flesh I shall see God, whom I shall see on my side, and my eyes shall behold, and not another” (Job 19:25-27.)

Jesus made an incredible promise to his disciplies and a claim which only God can make and deliver ‘Whoever sees and believes in Jesus, the Son of God, shall have everlasting life and be resurrected’!

How can we see Jesus? He is present in his word, in the breaking of the bread, and in the church, the body of Christ. Jesus reveals himself in many countless ways to those who seek him with eyes of faith. When we read the word of God in the bible Jesus speaks to us and reveals to us the mind and heart of the Father. When we approach the table of the Lord, Jesus offers himself as spiritual food which produces the very life of God within us ‘I am the bread of life’ John 6:35. He promises unbroken fellowship and freedom from the fear of being forsaken or cut off from everlasting life with God. And he offers us the hope of sharing in his resurrection. Is your hope and desire to see God face to face?

What is faith and how do we grow in it? Faith is an entirely free gift which God makes to us. It is the Holy Spirit who reveals who Jesus is. We can believe in Jesus Christ because he is himself God, the Word made flesh. Faith is a personal adhearance to God

What about the life to come

after our death?

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Upon this Rock magazine is published monthly by EuropeAxess Media, Gibraltar. Editor: Fr. Stuart Chipolina: [email protected] Production Editor: A. Sargent [email protected]: Dr. Monique Risso and Mrs Lilian Risso at the Vatican Apostolic Palace. See Page 4. Photo by A Conference Participant.Upon this Rock magazine is entirely supported by advertising and donations. It is run in liaison with the Catholic Diocese of Gibraltar by EuropeAxess Media Ltd. as a not-for-profit project. For Advertisers: This magazine is hand-delivered to homes, churches, hospitals and many businesses around Gibraltar every month. To discuss your advertising requirements, or promote your church group or charity, call Tel: +350 200 79335 email: [email protected]

Editorial is selected by EuropeAxess Media in liaison with the Catholic Diocese of Gibraltar. Neither of these parties is responsible for the accuracy of the information contained herein, nor do the views and opinions expressed herein necessarily reflect the views and opinions of either party. Advertisers are not endorsed by virtue of advertising in this magazine. EuropeAxess Media Ltd. reserves the right to refuse space to any submissions or advertisements. Efforts have been made to establish copyright owners of images, but if we have used your material, and have not credited you, please contact us to discuss restoration.

and the free assent to the whole truth which God has revealed. Faith is active submission to the One who created us in love and who sustains us by his grace and power. To obey in faith is to submit freely to the word that has been heard, because its truth has been guaranteed by God, who is Truth itself. We can entrust ourselves wholly to God and believe absolutely what he says. To live, grow, and persevere in faith to the end we must nourish it with the word of God. Augustine of Hippo (354-

What about the life to come

after our death?

430 AD) said ‘I believe, in order to understand and I understand, the better to believe’. Jesus promises that those who accept him as their Lord and Savior and submit to his word, will be raised up to immortal life with him in the Day of Judgment.

Do you know the inexpressible joy of belief and hope in the resurrection? (see 1 Peter 1:3-9)God Bless you. Fr StuartPhoto from All Saints Mass by John Bugeja, The Gibraltar Chronicle.

Job said “For I know that my Redeemer lives, and that at the last he will stand upon the earth; and after my skin has been thus destroyed, then in my flesh I shall see God, whom I shall see on my side, and my eyes shall behold, and not another” The image above shows Job with his three friends, Eliphaz, Bildad & Zophar who stayed with him for seven days and nights to support him in his suffering. Are you that kind of friend?

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Pope Francis received a group of Catholic Gynecologists participating in a conference sponsored by the International Federation of Catholic Medical Associations earlier this year.

ADDRESS OF HIS HOLINESS

The first point that I would like to share with you is this one: we are

witnessing today a paradoxical situation confronting the medical profession. On the one hand we see-and we thank God for it-the progress of medicine, thanks to the work of scientists who, with passion and without expectation of return, are dedicated to finding new cures. On the other hand, however, we also confront the danger that the physician is losing his identity as a servant of life. This cultural disorientation has also affected that which looked like an unassailable area: your practice, medicine! Although by their nature at the service of life, the health professions are sometimes induced to disregard life itself. Instead, as we recall from the encyclical Caritas in Veritate, “openness to life is at the center of true development.” There is no true development

What the Holy Father really said... Editorial selected by Dr. Monique Risso

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Every unborn child has the face of Christ

without this openness to life. If one loses the personal and social sensitivity towards the acceptance of a new life, then other forms of acceptance that are valuable for society also wither away. The acceptance of life strengthens moral fiber and makes people capable of mutual help.” The paradoxical situation is reflected in the fact that, while new rights are accorded to persons, sometimes even presumed rights, life is not always protected as a primary value and basic right of every man. The final objective of the physician is always the defense and promotion of life.

The second point: in this contradictory context, the Church appeals to the conscience, the conscience of all health care professionals and volunteers, and in a particular way to you Gynecologists, who are called to collaborate in the creation of new human lives. Yours is a unique vocation and mission, which requires study,

conscience and humanity. At one time, we called those women who helped in childbirth “comadre” (co-mothers) as if she was like a mother to the other, with the real mother. You too are “comadri” and “compadri” (co-mothers and co-fathers), especially you.

A widespread mentality of util-ity, the “culture of waste,” which now enslaves the hearts and minds of many, comes at a very high cost: it requires the elimination of hu-man beings, espe-cially those who are physically or socially weaker. Our response to this mentality is a decided and un-hesitating “yes” to

life. “The first right of the hu-man person is his life. He has other goods and some of them are very precious, but life is the

What the Holy Father really said... Editorial selected by Dr. Monique Risso



fundamental good condition for all others.”(Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, Dec-laration on Procured Abortion, November 18, 1974, No. 11). Things, have a price and are sold but people have a dignity, worth more than things and are priceless. Many times, we find ourselves in situations where we see life being devalued. For this reason, in recent years, at-tention to human life in its total-ity has become a real priority of the Magisterium of the Church, particularly in regard to the most defenseless, that is, the disabled, the sick, the unborn, the child, the elderly, those whose life is most defenseless.

The human fragility in each of us is invited to recognize the face of the Lord, who in his human flesh, experienced the indifference and loneliness that often condemn the poorest, both in countries in the developing world, and in affluent societies. Every child not allowed to be born, but unjustly condemned to be aborted, has the face of Jesus Christ, the Lord’s face, inasmuch

as before he was born, and while born, he experiences the rejection of the world. And the elderly, as I talked about the child let us go to the elderly, another point! And every elderly, sick, or every person if at the end of his days, carries the face of Christ. You can not discard them as the “culture of waste” proposes! You can not discard them so!

The third aspect is a commandment: be witnesses and speakers of this “culture of life.” Your being Catholic entails greater responsibility: first of all to yourself, for the effort to be consistent with the Christian vocation, and then to contemporary culture, to help recognize the transcendent dimension in human life, the imprint of the creative work of God, from the very first moment of her conception. This is a commitment to the new evangelization that often requires going against the current, paying the cost in person. The Lord counts on you to spread the “Gospel of Life.”

In this perspective,

Share The REAL

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What the Holy Father really said...



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What the Holy Father really said...

gynecological hospital departments are privileged places of witness and evangelization, because wherever the Church, “the vehicle of the presence of God” is found, there is also at the same time found the “instrument of the true humanization of man and the world” (Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, Doctrinal Note on Some Aspects of Evangelization, No. 9). Growing awareness that the focus of medical care is the human person in a position of weakness, the health facility becomes “a place in which the relationship of treatment is not a profession but a mission; where the charity of the Good Samaritan is the first seat of learning and the face of suffering man is Christ’s own Face.” (Benedict XVI, Address at the Catholic University of the Sacred Heart in Rome, May 3, 2012).

My dear friends and physicians, you who are called to take care of human life in its initial phase, remind everyone, with your actions and your words, that life is always, in all

its phases and at any age, sacred and is always of this quality. And not as a matter of faith-no, no-but of reason, as a matter of science! There is no human life more sacred than another, just as there is not a human life qualitatively more significant

than another. The credibility of a health care system is measured not only by efficiency, but also by the attention and love towards the person, whose life is always sacred and inviolable.

The Holy Father concluded his address saying:

‘Do not ever neglect to pray to the Lord and the Virgin Mary for strength to do your task well and bear witness with courage, courage! Today it takes courage, courage to witness to the “Gospel of life”! Thank you very much.’



October the 4th was St. Francis Feast Day, Fr. Pat McCloskey reflected on the approprietness of the name the Holy Father took on accepting the Papacy.

This first Jesuit pope chose the name Francis. His

actions are telling us why. When Jesuit Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio chose to be called Pope Francis after St. Francis of Assisi, many people around the world were surprised but approved instantly.

Although Francis of Assisi was canonized two years after he died in 1226, no pope had ever selected that name. Cardinal Bergoglio’s choice was innovative (On November 29 1997, Pope John Paul II declared St Francis to be the patron saint of ecology), yet traditional (Francis and Catherine of Siena are co-patron saints of Italy). Pope Francis will certainly have more to say about his namesake when he visits Assisi on October 4, the feast of St. Francis of Assisi.

A new papal style and new priorities have clearly emerged. Indeed, in one of the general congregations before the conclave, Cardinal Bergoglio stated that the Church needs to be less “self-referential” and more focused on calling attention to Jesus than to itself. Francis of Assisi could not have agreed more strongly.

Perhaps Popes Nicholas IV, Sixtus IV, Sixtus V, and Clement XIV (all Franciscans) didn’t choose the name Francis because

they wanted to avoid setting the bar too high for themselves. Or maybe they passed over the name for the same reason other popes have not taken the name Peter—out of respect.

Gibraltar Diocesan

2014 Crib CompetitionENTER YOUR CRIB FOR THIS YEAR’S

COMPETITION. ENTRIES INVITED FROM HOMES, PLACES OF WORK, CLUBS, ETC.

ENTRY FEE - £5.00JUDGING WILL TAKE PLACE on Friday 13 Dec (4pm onwards) & Saturday 14 Dec (morning) Entry Forms to be returned by Wednesday 11 Dec. Winners will be notified and Presentation of Prizes will be held at St Theresa’s Church during the Christmas Eve Children’s Mass on Tuesday 24 Dec at 5pm.

ENTRY FORMPlease cut out this entry form and hand it in at St. Theresa’s Church or at the Cathedral Bookshop in Main Street with your Entry Fee.Name/Club/Company:

Address:

Contact Person:

Tel or Mob:

Pope Francis Why the name fits


Pope Francis Why the name fits

Pope Francis has certainly set the bar high for himself—and, by extension, for the Catholic Church. Other Christians quickly resonated with his name choice because St. Francis of Assisi can teach everyone a great deal.

EDITOR’S NOTE:Readers my rembember that it was St. Francis who first started the tradition of making a nativity scene at Christmas in order to teach the story of the birth of Jesus, the first nativity

scenes were acted out using live characters, as is still done in many Christian schools today. Perhaps if you have not set one up in your home, this year would be the time to start a new family tradition?


The Cornerstone Bookshop Christian Literature for the Hungry Soul

The Cornerstone Bookshop, 273 Main Street, Gibraltar


The Convent Christmas Fair will take place this year on Thursday 28

November from 12pm to 7pm.Work continues to ensure that

this year’s event will be one of the best ever.

Many popular elements will remain the same. The Fair itself will boast over 40 seasonal stalls, many of which are run by local charities as part of their own fund-raising efforts. The usual range of products will be available from plants, cards, gifts, cakes, crafts and many other Christmas items.

Refreshments will be served in the King’s Chapel Music Room throughout the afternoon, with a selection of sweet and savoury foods and hot and cold beverages.

The Round Table will again provide the Santa’s Grotto from 2-5.30pm which always proves popular with the younger children.

As in previous years, mince pies and mulled wine will be kindly provided by the Red Cross Committee to warm us through and put us firmly in mind of the Festive Season, and at 5.30pm we will be serenaded with Carols sung by children from the Sacred Heart School who have been practising diligently over the last few months.

Another highly popular feature of the Christmas Fair is the motorcycle raffle. As in previous years, Bassadone Motors have proved to be incredibly generous with their donation and one lucky winner will enjoy an early present from Santa of a fabulous Honda Vision 110cc Motorcycle.

“We are hoping for another

fantastic turnout this year” stated Lady Johns. “Together with the ever popular motorcycle raffle, many other sponsors across Gibraltar have been so generous in supporting our fund raising efforts for charities and have provided many items for the Christmas Raffle. This event would not be the success it is without all our sponsors and their generous donations and continued support”.

Every year the Convent Christmas Fair Committee chooses charities in Gibraltar to benefit from the Christmas Fair fund raising efforts.

This year the main beneficiary will be Cancer Relief Gibraltar with most of the proceeds going towards running their new centre at South Barrack Road. Additionally there will be a contribution towards PAAMOA – Physical Activities Association for Mature Older Adults and also a small sum will go towards assisting Girlguiding Gibraltar for a community project.

Admission to the Fair remains the same at £2.00 for adults with free entry for children under 12 years.

So come along on Thursday 28 November, get yourself firmly into the festive spirit whilst supporting your local community

and charities and grab yourselves some Christmas Goodies and Festive Cheer.

The Convent Christmas Committee will be selling tickets

for the Honda Vission Raffle on the 21 of November at the Piazza, so be sure to improve your chances by buying a ticket!

The Convent Christmas Fair


When a loved one dies the departure leaves an aching hollow in hearts that is difficult

to fill. To be healed of that hurt takes time and a process known as grieving. At this time you feel fragile and frail and perhaps unable to cope, and find it hard to visualise a future without this acute sorrow and emptiness. It is difficult to believe that that this will lessen as days go by. Be assured-

“There is nothing I cannot master with the help of One who gives me strength”. (Phil 4; 13)

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, in her 1969 book “On Death and Dying” proposed five steps of normal grief. But what is grief, let alone “normal grief’ and how is it different to mourning? It really is necessary to fully understand this in order to grieve properly and fully. Grieving and mourning go together. In mourning you may act and speak like one who has suffered bereavement, for instance, wearing black during this time and you may be sad, and not able to join in with joyful occasions. Grief is a natural reaction to a loss and encompasses a range of feelings, thoughts and behaviours and is experienced differently by each person according to background, culture, gender, beliefs, personality and crucially, the relationship to the deceased. The feelings common to grief are disbelief, sadness, yearning, guilt, anger, and can be overlaid with a sense of hopelessness and meaninglessness. These emotions can be surprising in strength or mildness, in some circumstances even liberating with a sense of relief which can be confusing.The pain that leads to any grieving process may lead to a feeling that nobody understands your grief which encroaches on your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well being. People going through this bounce between different thoughts, laughter, crying, withdrawing into silence etc and the best way

to deal with this is to allow yourself to feel the grief as resisting will only prolong the natural healing process.I mentioned the five steps of grieving and these are:

Anne Mesilio writes.


Denial.The first reaction on hearing of the death of a loved one is to deny the situation with numbed disbelief. This is normal. It is the body’s way of allowing breathing space to help you through the first wave of pain. It can actually be helpful because planning the funeral, notifying relatives and so on, all needs to happen.Anger.This can surprise you and even make you feel guilty,

especially if it is directed at the deceased and often at the carer or health officials who may have been involved prior to death. Rationally you know this is not so but someone very precious to you has died and ‘abandoned’ you. This is normal.

Bargaining.There is a sense of being lost, and in the desire to regain control you might make an attempt to bargain with God, who you may feel has also abandoned you. “Please

God; I will devote my time to works of charity” and so on, anything that will make life return to normal. You feel vulnerable and become filled with ‘if onlys’and ‘what ifs’ going back in time, “if only that tumour was detected earlier”, “should have asked for that second opinion” and so on. Sadly, there is only one stark fact, your loved one is truly gone.

Depression.

There are two types associated with grieving. The first is reactionary: sadness and regret are found here. ‘Did I neglect other family members during this time’? The second is more subtle and perhaps more private but also more painful. The suffering sensation of bidding this last goodbye, where you must

To Grieve or not to grieve?

Anne Mesilio writes.



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always let go, is indeed a time of deep sadness bringing a piercingly painful sense of loss and longing. During this dark lonely time you may experience headaches, backaches: stomach aches where there was never pain before. Sometimes, lack of enthusiasm is frightening. Thoughts of ‘why go on’, ‘why bother’ coupled with disturbed sleep and loss of appetite, leave you feeling drained. Acceptance.This sounds easy but it is not. I have found it the most difficult phase of all, even wanting to crawl inside my skin and stay there. It is an inner ache, a persistent longing, because you are human, in acceptance you

glimpse the bends and struggles in the road ahead as you travel onwards. The farewell has left an empty space within you and it is natural to want to fill it. Some get so busy that they do not have time to think or feel too deeply. Some work harder and longer, some try to fill the space with needless shopping trips, some turn to alcohol to ease the pain, go on holiday

to forget. Nothing works; it is only a means of postponing the inevitable. For a healthy outcome it is necessary to grieve fully. Be aware too that grieving is a personal journey that has no time limit, there is no right or wrong way and if you feel the need for help and guidance please seek this out.

Acceptance grows out of the depths of this grief, you need to move on to acknowledge the absolute truth of this loss and begin to understand the ache is part of you, will remain with you, and gradually diminishes with time.

On All Souls Day, 2 November, we remember our dead. Through the suffering of our farewells, be they recent or some time past, goodbyes are part of every single day. On this day we are given the opportunity to pray our goodbyes in remembrance. Praying for the dead is a Christian obligation and the month of November is devoted to remembering and praying for the souls of the departed. Mary, Mother of God will well understand this as she held her sons wounded ragged body and left him in the darkened tomb. Remember the special qualities which you valued in your loved ones life. Remember the times of shared happiness and offer thanks for these blessings. Pray your goodbyes; “...you are sad now, but I shall see you again, and your hearts will be full of joy, and that joy no one shall take from you.” (John 16; 212-22)


To Cry the Deep CryThis old proverbial expression, meaning ‘Time flies’,

conjures up ideas of Old Father Time marching stalwartly on, clearing everything in his wake, with

nothing of substance remaining, but soon to be forgotten, indistinct memories.

This is far from the truth, especially if (as has been my case and that of countless others) life has unfortunately dealt us unforeseen and unwelcome surprises, which have produced significant hurt and damage to our psyche and overall wellbeing. This is particularly true when an unexpected tragedy occurs, be it a life-threatening infirmity, accident or death of someone especially dear to us, but above all when the person in question is a close family member.

How can we parents, whose son or daughter has died suddenly, ever come to reconcile ourselves to this anomalous tragedy, especially in the first awful days and weeks that follow, in which we try to make sense of our great loss? Because, it is an unacceptable anomaly–a departure from the norm, for offspring to depart from this life before the demise of their own parents. Even the use of the expression ‘depart’ may probably indicate that individuals, finding themselves in these sorrowful circumstances, tend to camouflage these earthshaking family events by referring to them with superficial and innocuous words which tend to mask the real situation.

All of us, I’m sure, have often heard people referring to the deaths of others as having ‘passed on’, ‘gone to a better place’, or that they ‘can now rest in peace’ or even that ‘it was God’s plan’. These expressions might sound perfectly correct, if one is trying to put pen to paper when sending a condolence card or letter, but these platitudes certainly do not increase the comfort of grieving parents and, in many instances, might even subconsciously anger them.

Death has a finality about it which defies all human understanding, even though we accept that it is an event within human nature that occurs as a norm, but only to others, not necessarily to us or to someone close within our family circle and far less so, to one of our offspring. It becomes impossible to believe that a vibrant person who has been in our midst on a particular day, time and place, is suddenly no longer there, or even anywhere else for that matter.

When such a dramatic scenario occurs, we are faced with many contradictory sentiments, and this occurs at the very precise moment in time when we are not in a psychological position to be able to cope with something of this significance. Different people react in different ways, but there is always the ‘hammer blow’ shock to our system, feelings of helplessness, confusion, emptiness and total grief, together with a certain amount of anger, guilt and a breakdown in the personal control of our senses. But above all, there is disbelief that such an event has actually happened, even when we are faced with the reality of seeing the now dead body of that someone so dear to us. This in itself, is the first step in our mourning, to acknowledge with one’s own eyes, however hard and distressing that may be, that our son or daughter, who we loved so much, is no longer alive–that that person, who was a part of us, whom we raised and cried and laughed with–is now DEAD!

The word ‘Death’ has such a hollow irrevocability about it, the magnitude of which we cannot for an instance comprehend, even when we are confronted with the absolute evidence.

We repeatedly ask ourselves the rhetorical questions: ‘How is

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this possible?’, ‘Why did it have to happen?’ and finally: ‘Why wasn’t it me instead?’ There are, of course, no answers to these or similar questions, it is just part and parcel of the confused thoughts that race through our minds, as we attempt to make some sense of the awful tragedy that encompasses us.

Despite the incomprehensibility of the situation, we are nevertheless also required to comfort those around us in the same manner as they themselves will attempt to comfort us. But how is it possible to comfort others, when no meaningful words can ease the pain which is eating our insides, when our minds have hit a dead end, when our bodies and senses are pulverised by overwhelming grief. Possibly, only the restrained and silent presence of a close family member or friend, or a hug or caress, can ameliorate our broken spirit, even though this will often result in torrents of tears. Nevertheless, very often in these circumstances, we tend to set up protective walls around us in order to contain within ourselves all the unenduring pain that besets us, even to the total exclusion of all those nearest and dearest to us.

Crying is the next step in the long winding road to mourning our insurmountable loss and the opening of the floodgates will go a long way to restoring us to a stable mental dimension, even though it might leave us exhausted and even embarrassed, as we will be unable

to define exactly whether we are mourning the death of our son or daughter, or just feeling sorry for ourselves. Some people are unable to cry at all, possibly because they are too much in control and want to show ‘a stiff upper lip’, not wishing others to watch them breaking down. Crying is neither ‘unmanly’ nor puerile, nor is it unrestrained sentimentality; it is a human expression of our grief and is deeply therapeutic. Timothy Knatchbull, in his book ‘From a Clear Sky’, in which he describes the I.R.A.’s attack in August 1979, which resulted in the death of his twin brother Nicholas and other family members, including Earl Mountbatten of Burma, writes: “One of my greatest frustrations is how rarely I am able to cry the deep cry. I need to. Perhaps, only a couple of times a year. And some people mistake the tears of pain, when of course, they’re not, they’re the pain coming out.”

To Cry the Deep CryManolo Galliano


Not only must we endure the pain of our grief, but at the same time we are expected to deal with mundane but urgent details like conferring with doctors and pathologists, contacting and informing other family members and friends and, more importantly, making arrangements for the actual funeral, including identifying the family plot in the cemetery, the ordering of wreaths or flowers and deciding on details for the church service. Very often, the bereaved will compartmentalise these practical matters, as it is not possible for our limited human understanding and more so, in the case of a devastated parent, to undertake these tasks knowing full well that they are directly pertinent to their own personal loss.

The funeral itself is usually an overwhelming experience for all concerned and, when one looks back on the occasion, not necessarily an advisable option, only vague images will register, punctuated by certain instances of clarity stirred up by specific faces, phrases or episodes. It is like a jumbled kaleidoscope of emotions in which a myriad of people press forward, uttering incomprehensible words, which we are unable to grasp mentally at that stage and which forces us to clam up. Even surrounded by so many people, as is usually the case, it is very possible to feel completely alone and disconnected from that environment, almost as if one were a mere observer, just taking a clinical and detached view of the proceedings.

What occurs when all these essential ceremonial requirements have been carried out, and you finally return home? For many of us it will be an anti-climax, the commencement of what will seem as an empty life which offers no purpose, with a pain so deep, that no remedy will appear to soothe it. J.R.Tolkien in his ‘Return of the King’ puts it very succinctly when he states: “How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your head, you begin to understand, there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep… that have taken hold.”

But return to our old life we must, even if our bodies fail us or we find it hard to concentrate in carrying out our daily commitments and chores. To a certain extent, keeping busy and having one’s mind

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attuned to matters other than those connected to our grief, will serve to fill up the hours of the day. Nighttime or other moments of solitude are a different matter altogether. Those are the times when our thoughts take flight and we become most vulnerable to our introspection and morbid reflection; it is the time when we often try to put order to our troubled thoughts and emotions.

For those of us who believe in God or in a Higher Being, the path to recovery will often be easier, for we will have the advantage of seeking and finding spiritual comfort, even if we still continue to question the reason for our sudden loss. The grief and pain will not disappear, but will become less overpowering and we will slowly commence to come to terms with the death of our son or daughter, for as Buddhism teaches “All life is suffering” and, therefore, one must accept that suffering is intrinsic in our lives.

And there is no real and convincing answer that will ever satisfy us, only a tacit acceptance of the situation, a yearning for peace and comfort, a desire to continue with our lives and a conviction of wanting to cope with our grief in the best manner possible. The late Queen Mother is quoted as saying that “Grief does not get any better, but you get better at dealing with it.”

Over time, our immediate symptoms will abate and we will continue our journey through life, with the support of our loved ones, friends and colleagues, taking each day like little children’s first faltering steps, just one at the time. The gaping emptiness will become most obvious and painful when we are confronted with dates of special family significance, like the deceased’s birthdays and the Christmas festivities. It will also seem, at times, that we are completely unfeeling, that there is a void where our sentiments should be, that we seldom mention our dead son or daughter and that we are able to lead normal lives without a passing thought to them. These mood swings are just part of the process of accepting the uncomfortable and negative situation that we find ourselves in and which cannot be altered, in any way or form, and which will leave us with mental scars. But at the end of the day, we have to acknowledge that Time

does fly and that we are carried along with it, with all our yearnings and fears, our happy and sad emotions and our memories of loved ones who are no longer present.

Mother Teresa of Calcutta encapsulated it as follows: “Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today - Let us begin.”

Manolo Galliano


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