Now That You’ve Said

“I Do!”South Sound Church of

Christ Marriage Workshop?

Future Sessions

1. What Is Marriage?2. Uniqueness and Acceptance in Marriage3. Expectations in Marriage4. Fulfilling Intimacy Needs in Marriage5. Roles Responsibilities and Decision Making6. Communication in Marriage7. Dealing with Conflict in Marriage8. Sex in Marriage

REVIEWHomework Last Week

Assignment

• Set time aside to go out on a date where you can talk openly:Each of you take turns sharing something

important to you with your spouse. A need, an expectation, or a desire that you have for your spouse.

Try to communicate at a level one or two.Be mindful of the components of your

conversation. (content, tone and non-verbal)Be a good listener! Concentrate on what is

being said, not what you’re going to say in response.

DEALING WITH CONFLICT IN MARRIAGE

Conflict is a fact of life and of marriage. It has been defined as

a slash, contention, or sharp disagreement over interests,

ideas, and so forth. But why does it occur?

The answer is simple: We are human beings – imperfect people

whom God graciously loves in spite of our imperfections.

DID YOU ANTICIPATE CONFLICT IN YOUR MARRIAGE?

WHY DOES CONFLICT OCCUR?As human beings, all of us have our own desires, wants, needs and goals. Whenever any of these differ from another,

conflict may occur. Our differences in beliefs, ideas,

attitudes, feelings and behavior will vary.

The conflicts themselves are not the problem, but our

reaction to them is.

FOR DISCUSSION

Many times disagreements or conflicts do not need to be completely resolved.

Example: A disagreement over a political philosophy.

This type of disagreement could continue indefinitely and need not

destroy the overall marital relationship.

• Q. What does “completely resolved” mean to you?• Q. What are some issues you and

your spouse disagree on that do not need to be completely resolved?• Some people have learned to use

weapons in dealing with conflict. Q. What are some unfair weapons?

• Q. What effect does anger have on finding solutions to conflict?

UNDERSTANDING ANGER

Anger is typically a “secondary” emotion.

Anger usually comes about for three basic reasons: Hurt Fear

Frustration

Scriptures to Consider

What do the following verses have to say about the right

way to handle anger?

Psalm 37:1-11

8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;    do not fret—it leads

only to evil.

Prov. 14:29

29 A patient man has great understanding,

   but a quick-tempered man displays folly.

Prov. 29:11

11 A fool gives full vent to his anger,    but a

wise man keeps himself under control.

Ephesians 4:26-32

26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a

foothold.

James 4:1-31 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires

that battle within you? 2 You want something but don’t get it. You kill and

covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have,

because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend

what you get on your pleasures.

WHAT CHOICES DO WE HAVE IN DEALING

WITH CONFLICT?

Conflict Resolution

Yield Resolve

Withdraw Win

Compromise

WHICH STYLE IS BEST?

Yield Resolve

Withdraw Win

Compromise

High concern for relationship

Low concern for relationship

Low in achieve

d needs

High in achieve

d needs

HOMEWORK

Communication Covenant