Another year passed sincethe last issue of Fantasmagot published. Another

year in clandestinity thatheld a lot of lessons.Exhausting lessons. Insideus there were two wolvesfighting for dominance andthe self­flagellationbecame permanentbackground music. "Thenext issue, come on, do thenext issue!" was thebooming dogma that gotlouder and louder in ourears. Up until the point wehad been so fed up fromourself, that we were readyto pull the plug und giveup the newspaper.Paradoxically this fatalismcreated a moment ofstillness in which we couldlet go; in which we wereable to resolve thecompulsive feeling ofpublishing another issue,come hell or high water.We took our hands off thewheel and looked forwardto the moment of impact.To our suprise no accident

happend but instead wefound a whole new route.Emotionally moredistanced we gained a newmomentum for the fourthissue of Fantasma withoutexpecting anymore that itwill return us to the field ofsocial struggle. Werecognize and appreciate itas a small and one­sideinscribed signpost on theway into the unknown. Thesame as the book Incognitowas a signpost for us backthen, when our adventure

commenced. We are alsolooking forward to theinscription of the other sideof the signpost – fromalready left­behinds for(coming) left­behinds frompeople on the run. To talkabout experiences andcreate some referencepoints what direction couldbe taken and what misstepscould be avoided. There isstill much to say and shareabout it.

Until the next issue!

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Once a again darkness soaks a new day. I open my eyes andsee the past years in fast motion: the the jungle with itstrees, its undergrowths and its branches which scratched mylegs. That one liana which dangled not far from me while Iwas lost, sitting on the ground. I remember like it wasyesterday how I reached for it, straightened myself andfound courage again. There were wide green, high rocks.dark caves and deep canyons after I blazed myself a trail outof the shadows. All of a sudden I stepped in front of agigantic waterfall with its tempting song of deadly

maelstrom. Vainly it tried to lure me to the waterside toswallow me whole. I walked on. Today the sky is cloudlessand it seems to become a good day. I rub the sleep out of myeyes, listen shortly to the busy stillness and then get up frommy way too soft mattress. My feet are hurting, they got sorefrom the long marches through the mist. But it is a good painbecause it tells me that I left tracks behind. For all of those,who's life will bring them on the same path. I arrived in thecity now, a new phase of life begins.

CLANDESTINE ANARCHIST NEWSPAPER

from everywhere and nowhereNR. 4

NOVEMBER

2020FOR FREE

ALL ISSUES AND ARTICLES ON fantasmamagazine.noblogs.org

LEAVING COVERED TRACKS BEHIND

FFaann tt aa ss mmaa

We hope to receive contributions, suggestions, as wellas criticism on the e­mail below.

We are also appreciative of translations of every issue(which can also be send to the e­mail),

so that this can be lay­outed and published.

fantasmamagazine@riseup.net(use TOR­Browser for own security)

Editorial

The right decision

Checklist

Intention and interimbalance sheet

536 days on the run

A whisperfrom nowhere

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EDITORIAL

An unsorted and incompletechecklist for people on the run:

• Sleep: Try to get enough sleep.If you suffer from sleepproblems try breathing exercisesor keep a diary to restrain thewild thoughts.• Dreaming: Write down yourdreams or tell them to closepeople. Being on the run is mostoften a traumatic experience andwill have an impact at least on asubconscious level.• Eating: Eat balanced so thatyou stay healthy. Having to see adoctor is a risk and will costmoney.• Exercise: Do some sports toget to know yourself better on aphysical and a mental level.Thereleased dopamine can help youget through hard times.• Self­analysis: Take time tofind out what strengths andweaknesses you have in socialinteraction. In clandestinity it isvery important to enhance yoursocial intelligence because youwill rarely spend time withcomrades (if at all). Also learn tobe able to keep your mouthshut, even if it feels wrong to doso.• Communication: If you haveclose people who know aboutyour situation or even supportyou – tell them at thosemoments of meeting about yourthoughts and concerns. Theseare the only moments where youcan be truly yourself.• Indentity: How does your lifestory look like? Stay close to thetruth so that you have certainpoints of reference to be able toincorporate into your newbackground. Remember toalways stay unspectacular – theboring the better.• Consistency: Do not telldifferent people different storiesabout yourself (about your newidentity). It is always possiblethat people know each otherincidentally and are talkingabout you. Keep up with onestoryline!• Health: Brush your teethregularly! Toothaches arehorrible.• Hobbies: What hobbies didyou do in the past? Is there anypossibility to keep them up atyour new place? If not – whatelse do u like to do? Leisureactivities give your

If it is true that time changesand shapes people like a file,then the experience ofclandestinity is the grindstonewhich grinds down to the coreof a human being. Thesubversive path I have beenwalking before the moment ofgoing underground changedfrom one day onto the next intoa trailrun where I would beconfronted with many dead endstreets and false hopes.Freedom was blocking my viewof the coming difficulties. Headfirst I jumped into the water ofa new phase in my life, withoutknowing how deep it would be.Now, many years later,similarly inexperienced and onthe run I am still jumping – andI am glad that the fall turnedinto a spectacular flight.

Loss and hope

I think the beginning of goingunderground feels similar foreveryone – it is hell. Questions,decisions, interactions, andstaying on the move all happenin such rapid pace that althoughfeeling like everything movesin slow motion the personaffected still ends up out ofbreath, like you might justthrow up. In my case there weresome moments in the nightspent hanging over the toilet.My stomach tried to get rid ofthe tension but numbnesssealed my mouth. Over manymonths I was not able to trulycomprehend on an emotionallevel how my life changed inthe blink of an eye. AdmittedlyI reflected my situation,pondered it, located newpossibilities but my non­existing experience allowed meto only see a tiny part of themap of clandestinity.Nevertheless I was claimingconfidently that I would beaware of the consequences ofgoing underground. Today I amconscious of the magnitude ofthis mostly still unknown mapplus of two aspects of thisconsequence: loss and hope.

As the gloomy feeling of lossbecame my shadow, constantlyrunning after me, hope in termsof time presented itself as thelight at the end of the tunnel: IfI keep up long enough my casewill expire and I can return tomy beloved ones withoutjuridical consequences, thosewho I had to leave behind back

then, I told myself encouraginguntil quite recently. Loss andhope, shadow and light, pastand future. With outstreched

arms I held on to this duality. Ibecame the connecting piecewhich could tear apart anymoment. And in doing so Itotally forgot that betweenthem the only life that I have ishappening right now. AlthoughtI established bit by bit a newidentity towards the outside andalthough with the help of ownprojects I could accomplish adaily routine, these two sphereswere still determining mythoughts and feelings. How wasit back in the days? How will itbe in the future? For a longtime I was a prisoner of mycontext, a situation built out ofloss and hope.

From frame to canvas

Little by little the passing oftime taught me to let go, to takethe weight off my shoulders. Atfirst only for a moment.Because I could not help buthold on to my past life or lookforward to the salvation of the

future. But the more timepassed the more clear my viewbecame on what was actuallyhappening on the canvas withinthe frame. Obviously there aremoments where I fall back intoold patterns of pain butgenerally speaking I can saythat I am on the right way. Thistreasure of experience bringsme to the following temporaryconclusion: To focus on the

new daily reality is the onlyway to be able to reach for afreedom as a worthwile goal.This without forgetting the ownroots but instead to use them asa foundation to grow upon. Toreach that point of honest inneranalysis it needs time, like saidbefore. And this beginningperiod is almost never nice oreasy. But once one gets over thelong stretch and starts to sweatoff the past and the future,again and again, the map of theown life and adventure willextend many times over. And atthat point, ironically, thepassing of time which isplaying into the hands of theperson on the run, is neitherhere nor there. Just because ofthat vast learning process thatclandestinity forced upon me, Istill consider goingunderground as the rightdecision.

Is it not the adventure thatholds up a mirror to show us,where we really stand?

PAGE 2

THE RIGHTDECISION

CHECKLIST

(continue page 3)

[The publication we sent thisarticle to a while ago did not get

published yet. We hope we can referto it in the next issue.]

We as the editorial staff ofFantasma were happy about therequest of contributing in thispublication with an reflectionarticle of our newspaper project.Even though there are initiativeseverywhere who dedicatethemselves to the topic ofclandestinity the publicdiscourse about the spectrum ofthese options are still rare.Publications like this one are animportant part to ignite such adiscourse among socialrevolutionaries and make it morepresent. We appreciate this effortvery much! Before we are goingto look back to draw an interimbalance sheet of our newspaperproject we want to present thebasic information of theFantasma for a generalunderstanding. One can find inthe editorials of the particularissues our intentions, snap­shotsand wishes for the future.Because of that we will quoteourselves in this article, toreconcile former projectionswith the reality and to create newprojections for the future. Theanarchist newspaper Fantasmaoriginally appears in the englishlanguage and first gets publishedon the internet because of thestate persecution towards theeditorial staff. The first issue waspublished in May 2018, thesecond in Semptember 2018 andthe third in October 2019. Thefourth issue is in process but willneed some more time.

»It [the newspaper Fantasma]arised from the circumstance ofinvoluntary but self­chosenclandestinity and is for thatregard not bound by place.We,the authors, foster the desire asmade­invisibles to talk about thisto­be­invisible. About livedexperiences and considerationsin this situation. From us, as

well as from other comrades –and that would be extremlywonderful – that find themselveson such a journey right now orin the past. And because theinvisible can not exist without itscounterpart, we encourage allthe visibles, that have beenindirectly affected by a situationlike this, to send in self­writtencontributions. To put thereflections and initiatives, awayfrom concrete, technicalquestions, up for a public debateand thus open up a space fordiscussions and exchange withall interested.« (Editorial 1st

issue)We did manage in the secondissue to make a written interviewwith a person on the run and inthe third issue we published areceived letter from a comradewho went underground. It seemsthat the made­invisibles noticethe newspaper as an opportunityto express themselves and shareexperiences. From the visibleside we received a report from a

public discussion about the topicof going underground which wepublished in the second issue.Despite the enriching summaryof this discussion our project didnot feel like a real exchange. Donot get us wrong, we got a lot ofsolidarity which gave us strengthand which supported the projectwith language translations tomake it more accessible for abroader audience (all three issuesgot translated to german, italianand since recently the third issuehas been translated to french).Though we hoped for moreletters from visibles respectivelyfrom ˝left­behinds˝ who react onour articles or describe their ownthoughts and feelings from theposition they are in. Moreoverwe realized that with the aid ofthe forwarded summary of thediscussion that there is plenty ofopen questions from thesurroundings of the left­behindswhich are necessary to getdeeper into. We will not let thefuture of our project depend onsuch letters but we would behappy to receive more of them.

»The decision to go undergroundis not offensive by itself, just asthis newspaper project is notsubversive by itself. The questionseems more about how one dealswith it, what kind of decisionsone makes in that situation andwhat kind of potential one findsout in particular and therefore isable to implement.« (Editorial2nd issue)At the beginning we were hopingthrough our newspaper to createan active connection withongoing visible struggles (whichget influenced by subversiveanarchist). Quite soon werealized that this is pretty naive.Of course, we could have shownour solidarity with this and thatand maybe would have gottenletters in return which showsolidarity with us. We discussedand asked ourselves what wouldbe the additional value ofrevolutionary solidarity. So wedecided to focus our projectexclusively on the theme­complex of clandestinity andonly publish an issue when wereally have something to say. Weare proud that our newspaper canintensify the shimmer whichshines from the texts that arewritten in the hidden darkness, tobe another compass for all ofthose who in the future have togo into this burdensome and atthe same time light as a featherjourney into the unknown.

Hello

After 536 days on the run I wasarrested on July 26th near St.Etienne. I experienced my arrest asthe first enactment of aperformance played a thousandtimes in my head, or better, 536times... Everything happened inslow motion: the cops in balaclavaspointing their rifles at me, throwing

me to the ground and asking me thename that I have so often kept silentin recent times and that made me

feel strange to pronounce. Afterthat, the SDAT (anti­terroristdepartment of the French police,translator's note) took me to Paris:four hours of journey withhandcuffs behind my back in theirbalaklavas' company. A fewkilometers before arriving at theirheadquarters in Levallois­Perretthey blindfolded me. Again, twodays after my arrest,

SEITE 3PAGE 3

INTENTIONAND

INTERIMBALANCE

SHEET

new identity a concretefundament and are good for yourmental health.• Boozing: Avoid to get drunkwith strangers or half­strangers.The risk of blabbering is huge.The best is to not drink at all.• Appearance: Change yourappearance like your outfit orhairstyle. But make sure youstill feel comfortable –authenticity is everything.• Telecommunication: Adviseagainst using social media. It isnot very weird to say that you donot want do spend so much timein front of the screen. People canrelate to that. Use Tails and Toronly when you go online.• Lying: You have to learn thatthe constant lying to others isnot out of ill will but out of self­preservation (especially inemotional or physical relations itis important to visualize that foryourself).• Self­reflection: Take a breakfrom time to time to reflect yoursituation. Those moments areimportant to keep conscious ofwho you really are and whatideas are rooted deep inside you.• Living place: Get to knowyour new surroundings and stayvague about your living placetowards other people.• Learning elements: Try torecognize the learing elementsfor yourself in the new situation– new context, new realities oflives, new language, newrelations, new self­confrontation, new possibilities,new inputs…• Positive: Wake up with thethought that you are stillenjoying freedom, this will helpyou start the day optimistic.

Because there is countless livingconditions in clandestinity, allthis points are meant as absoluteas they are written down…

CHECKLIST

(continuation)

536 DAYSON THE

RUN

(continue page 4)

Dear friends and comrades

I have had the idea of contactingyou again for a very long time. Nomatter where I was, no matter whatwas going on, no matter whatadversities or beautiful experiencesI encountered outside of physicalprison – I always felt the urge to letyou be part of it. You are anindispensable part of my life thathas taken roots deep in my heart.But every time I sat down in frontof the blank sheet of paper, myability slipped away to write. Totell. Each time I fell silent and feltsad. How can words really conveywhat I feel? My mind tormentedme with this question whenever Isat at my desk and stared at theempty white in front of me. Andwhile I was struggling for letters,the world at once spun faster andthen suddenly stopped. If someonehad seriously tried to convince me

they brought me first to court andthen to Fresnes prison. During thehearing that validated my arrest, Iaccepted my extradition with nohesitation. I had followed carefullywhat had happened to VincenzoVecchi (I take this opportunity tosalute him) who had preferred torefuse the extradition givinghimself a chance to remain free inFrance. As far as my case isconcerned, this would have meantawaiting trial in France instead ofin Italy where the other peoplecharged in Operation Scintilla areat the moment all free, except forSilvia, who is still subject to aresidence ban from themunicipality of Turin. In recenttimes, it seems that the execution ofa European arrest warrant and theensuing extradition constitutesimple bureaucratic formalities forEuropean justice. We have seen itrecently in Italy on severaloccasions, but also at the time ofthe repression that followed theuprisings in Hamburg or in Greeceand Spain. The European police arerefining their weapons and theircooperation seems to beincreasingly close, with exchangesof information and favors. In lightof these recent events, I think it isup to us to take an interest in thematter and study its mechanisms. Idiscover prison at the time of the

coronavirus: the regulatoryquarantine to all new arrivals,masks for every movement and forthe full duration of rec time, thesuspension of every activity andclosed cell 22 hours on 24. At theend of my quarantine and on theeve of my scheduled date ofextradition, I and all the otherinmates in the new arrivals sectionwere placed for the second time insolitary confinement under thepretext that we had shared air timewith a new inmate who was foundto be covid positive. The tests weunderwent after this confirmedcase, which we were told at thebeginning were not possible for allinmates, are now routine for allnew arrivals. It is not surprising tosee how the prison administrationarrives perpetually late. Themeasures taken by the prison

administration in response to thespread of Covid19 last springcaused riots and strong solidarity inprisons. Unfortunately, at leasthere, it seems that cohabiting withthe virus has become the norm, andto the fear of a new prisoner beingpositive and contagious is addedthe fear of the suspension of visits,as happened to us this past week.The meager palliatives granted inspring by the prison administrationin the form of telephone credits arenow a thing of the past and a smallgroup of new prisoners cannotmeasure up to the massivemobilizations of last March. I amawaiting extradition from onemoment to the next and I know thatvery probably when I arrive in ItalyI will face a third period of medicalisolation. For the moment I amenjoying all the demonstrations of

solidarity after so much silence. Inspite of the publications on thesubject, which are certainlyvaluable, absconding is stillconsidered all too often as aromantic adventure and we usuallythink of our comrades as free. Inthis year and a half I have neverlacked solidarity or warm support, Ihave never lacked anything, butyou are not free when you aredeprived of your life. I would haveliked to be in the streets with mycomrades during thedemonstrations in response to theevacuation of the Asilo, Iaccompanied with my thoughts thehunger strike conducted by Silvia,Anna and Natascia, I thought everyday about my comrades arrested inthe following rounds. I would haveliked to have been by my family'sside when they experienced somedifficult moments and to have newsfrom them during the lock­down.Today I am ready and determinedto face the coming months, but mythoughts go out to those who arestill out there, often away fromtheir loved ones. I hope they canstay at large as long as they want toand that the encounters they makewill give them the warmth andstrength to continue to fight.

CarlaFresnes, 19 August 2020

[Meanwhile Carla has been transferredto the prison of Vigevano, Italy. To writeher: Carla Tubeuf/ Via Gravellona 240/

27029 Vigevano (PV)/ Italy]

PAGE 4

536 DAYS ON THE RUN

(continuation)

ALL ISSUES AND ARTICLES ON fantasmamagazine.noblogs.org

at the beginning of February of thisyear that the virus in Wuhan, China,would put the world under a glassdome within a few weeks, I wouldhave laughed and shook my head.But here we are, in the midst of anauthoritarian process of radicallyreshaping the status quo.

Back to the old normal!, complainthe reactionary nostalgics. Alwaysinterrested in saving their own assand then locking the door again asquickly as possible.

Forward to the new normal!,preach the liberal cybernetics.Bright helpers of the state, alwaysdriven by good intentions…And what do the rulers do? Theyare at odds, united, hesitant,determined, totalitarian, reasonable,scientific, religious… the range isendless and yet always describesonly the same thing – they actaccording to the maxim of

maintaining power. Always andexlusively. The questions "old" or"new", or in other words; thequestion of how we want to bemanaged and kept in check is notthe question that should interestindividuals seeking self­determination. How we oppose thedictates of laws and morals,sabotage it with thoughts anddynamite and thus open a space fornew things – this is music to theears that are looking for the earthbeneath the asphalt.

I have been on the run for almost 4years now, which prevents me fromdiscussing these explosivequestions with you, setting uptheses with you and rejecting themagain, working out approaches withyou and testing them with mywhole heart. Of course that saddensme. Because such a shareddiscussion would mean that I cansee, hear, smell and feel you. And

you cannot imagine how much Imiss this immediacy – how much Imiss you all! But hey, I am not withyou, but next to you – movingquietly on a path nowhere, fromwhich I wave to you and whisperthe warmest words of greeting. Letus not allow the passing time toforce itself between us and togradually fade out our sharedexperiences and adventures. I amglad that, thanks to you, I havefound my beloved words and thejoy of storytelling again, you arewonderful.

We will talk again.

In solidarity andfreedom­loving affinity,

Your friend and comradefrom nowhere

Mid­May 2020

A WHISPER FROMNOWHERE