-Rushing or skipping any stage cripples the development of relationship, and problems result.

-Strong lasting relationships must be paced over a long period of time during which “getting to know you” is the major theme.

There are seven stages in dating, and each stage has a purpose.

Stage 1, is friendship,

-At this stage, a couple gets to know each other while participating in nonromantic activities.

In Stage 2, group dating, the two friends go with the group to find more time to know each other.

Stage 3, special dating, is an in-between stage during which there is a growing emotional attachment between the two but they not yet made a commitment.

During Stage 4, steady dating, the couple has an understanding that they will not date others.

In Stage 5, pre-engagement, the couples begins discussing the possibility of marriage “someday”.

-But there understanding is private and personal rather than final or binding.

Stage 6, marks the formal engagement, in which a wedding plan is in progress.

And Stage 7, marriage is final and binding.

-It should be the continuation of the romantic phase of courtship.

Unfortunately, many couples go through these stages out of sequence.

So eager are they to find love that they skip the preliminaries and jump into romance.

-Adult singles, especially the previous married, tend to act in haste and marry too quickly.

Counsel From Parents and Close Friends. It is safe to make haste slowly in these matters. Give yourself sufficient time for observation on every point, and then do not trust to your own judgment, but let the mother who loves you, and your father, and confidential friends, make critical observation of the one you feel inclined to favor.

Trust not to your own judgment, and marry no one whom you

feel will not be an honor to your father and mother, [but] one who has

intelligence and moral worth.

The girl who gives over her affections to a man, and invites his attention by her advances, hanging around where she will be noticed of him unless he shall appear rude, is not the girl you want to associate with. Her conversation is cheap and frequently without depth. {TSB 22.3}

IMPORTANCE OF PREMARITAL

GUIDANCE As Seventh-day Adventist, we need to

take engagements more seriously than we do.

-It is easy to succumb to the on-again-off-again syndrome pervading today’s society.

-This does not mean that engaged couples should never break their engagement.

As Ellen White says, “Even if an engagement has been entered into without a full understanding of the character of the one with whom you intend to unite, do not think that the engagement makes it a positive necessity for you to take upon yourself the marriage vow and link yourself for life to one whom you cannot love and respect.

-Marriage enrichment seminars have been needed in the Adventist Church for a long time, and we would like to commend those who have launched in providing these services. ( see “Programs Developed to Strengthen Family Life,” Adventist Review, Jan. 5, 1978, pp.14-15).

Marriage is one the three greatest events men and women make a decision about in this life, the other two being baptism and a career, and these decisions are usually made when a person is young.

-“If men and women are in the habit of praying twice a day before they contemplate marriage, they should pray four times a day when such a step is anticipated.

-Marriage is something that will influence and affect your life, both in this world and in the world to come.AH 460.

A three-step plan for a happy marriage

1. Guidance before the engagement.

2. Classes after the engagement but before marriage, and

3. Enrichment programs following marriage would certainly improve the chances for the couple’s being matched as well as mated, and enjoyed a happy marriage.

As Ellen White says, “In business, men and women manifest great caution.”

-Before engaging in any important enterprise, they prepare themselves for their work.

-Time, money, and much careful study are devoted to the subject, lest they shall make a failure in their undertaking.

-How much greater caution should be exercised in entering the marriage relation a relation which affects future generations and the future life?

Better to Break Unwise Engagement.--Even if an engagement has been entered into without a full understanding of the character of the one with whom you intend to unite, do not think that the engagement makes it a positive necessity for you to take upon yourself the marriage vow and link yourself for life to one whom you cannot love and respect.

Be very careful how you enter into conditional engagements; but better, far better, break the engagement before marriage than separate afterward, as many do. {AH 48.2}