The Roane Reader is a full color monthly publication, distributed in 4 counties (Roane, Morgan, Anderson, Cumberland) and Online. We love God and thank him for all he does, every chance we get. Test your knowledge with bible trivia, crosswords and word searches. Packed full of entertainment and educational information. Household hints, Penny Pinchers and tips on how to save money!
501 Evergreen Dr. Harriman, TN 37748 501 Evergreen Dr. Harriman, TN 37748 Roane County's BEST locally owned publication guaranteed to entertain you, or your money back! Roane County's BEST locally owned publication guaranteed to entertain you, or your money back! OCTOBER 2014 OCTOBER 2014 NUMBER 12 NUMBER 12 NUMBER 12 VOLUME 21 VOLUME 21 www.roanereader.com www.roanereader.com facebook.com/roanereader facebook.com/roanereader FREE FREE FREE Established 1993 7,500 Distributed Established 1993 7,500 Distributed RoaneReader RoaneReader Round Racin’ ............................ 20 Racing News & Views Precious Memories ................. 2 By Kay Christopher Penny Pinchers ......................... 13 Money saving hints and tips Bible Beat .............................. 8 & 9 Quizzes, puzzles, facts Seen and Heard .......................... 2 By our readers Entertainment ............................ 4 Trivia, facts, movie mistakes Writer's Page ............................ 18 Our readers submitted writings Aunt Hattie ............................... 12 Hurry-up recipes According to the Almanac ......... 4 When to do what Never Loose Money .................. 14 By Bob Tonachio Obituaries ................................... 7 Monthly Fun & Facts for Kids only ....... 26 And Adults Business Directory .................... 31 Contact info for local businesses Can You Find Me¿ ................... 22 By The Phantom Rockwood Memories ................ 23 By Ray Collet Round Racin’ ............................ 20 Racing News & Views Precious Memories ................. 2 By Kay Christopher Penny Pinchers ......................... 13 Money saving hints and tips Bible Beat .............................. 8 & 9 Quizzes, puzzles, facts Seen and Heard .......................... 2 By our readers Entertainment ............................ 4 Trivia, facts, movie mistakes Writer's Page ............................ 18 Our readers submitted writings Aunt Hattie ............................... 12 Hurry-up recipes According to the Almanac ......... 4 When to do what Never Loose Money .................. 14 By Bob Tonachio Obituaries ................................... 7 Monthly Fun & Facts for Kids only ....... 26 And Adults Business Directory .................... 31 Contact info for local businesses Can You Find Me¿ ................... 22 By The Phantom Rockwood Memories ................ 23 By Ray Collet FIND THE CLOSEST ROANE READER @ Pick one up before they are all gone! FIND THE CLOSEST ROANE READER @ Pick one up before they are all gone! www.roanereader.com/findone www.roanereader.com/findone www.roanereader.com/findone
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501 Evergreen Dr. Harriman, TN 37748501 Evergreen Dr. Harriman, TN 37748
Roane County's BEST locally owned publication guaranteed to entertain you, or your money back!
Roane County's BEST locally owned publication guaranteed to entertain you, or your money back!
OCTOBER 2014 OCTOBER 2014 NUMBER 12NUMBER 12NUMBER 12VOLUME 21VOLUME 21
The Roane Reader is a monthly publication and a privately owned partnership. Our address is 501 Evergreen Dr. Harriman, TN 37748. We welcome letters to the editor. The letters should be signed with address and phone number (for verifica-tion only.) We reserve the right to edit for grammar and clarity.
We will mail you a copy of The Roane Reader each
month for a year for only $16. Send the address
Phone # and a check to: The Roane Reader501 Evergreen St.
• Thinking about getting my wife a treadmill... Don't want her to lose any weight, just would like to hear her pant, gasp and breathe hard again...• Truck hauling a trailer near Rockwood going real slow with hazard lights on. After passing the truck only to realize they were driving with no right front tire.
Places to visit in Roane County
Riverfront Park is located along the banks of the Emory River within walking distance of downtown Harriman. Here you will find a walking trail, playground, park benches, pavilions, and memorials.
The riverfront in Harriman has gone from a booming manufactur-ing area, to a flooded wasteland, to a city pigpen to a city dump, and then to a spectacular city park.
Many volunteers spent countless hours developing the overgrown area, and the results were well worth the time, sweat and money.
Whether you visit the park to enjoy the Miss Poke Salad Contest, the Farmer’s Market, sit on the riverbank, picnic, or wet a line from the fishing dock, the park is the place to go to enjoy your day.
The park also offers play equipment for the kiddies. If you’re into jogging or just enjoy taking a casual stroll, the
walking trail is the perfect spot to enjoy either. It circles the park and enables the trail users to enjoy the beautiful scenery along the way. Bathrooms are also located in the park.
The huge pavilion is available for a family reunion, birthday party, or other event, and the giant gazebo is perfect for that memorial wedding you have planned.
David Webb led the project of renovating the site, and still busily oversees the finished product.
There is no charge to reserve one of the pavilions at the park.Reservations can be made by calling Rocky Top General Store at
865-882-8867.
Were We Physically Abused Children?The news this past month has been full of cases of alleged physical
abuse of athlete’s children.After reading what is now considered the definition of physical
abuse, I just learned I was a victim when I was a child growing up in the Gap.And not only me, all my sisters and brothers, cousins and friends
were also abused.Mama used to whipped us kids, and she never used her hand, she
used a weapon.Whether it be a leather belt, or a long, thick switch, she was the
one to deliver corporal punishment at our house. And like I said, we weren’t spanked, we got a whipping.In my opinion, I didn’t deserve any of the whippings I received. I
remember one was for me and my sister Sandra fighting in the neighbor’s yard. (If you had to fight each other, you do it in your own yard). Another was for going into one of our neighbor’s houses. (She had told us not to).Nonetheless, I did not deserve the punishment I got. Now, I will
say, I would have gotten a lot more whippings had Mama known some of the things I did do while growing up.Part of the definition of physical abuse is if the punishment leaves
any mark besides a pink one. Well, let me tell you, I had welts from belt stripes, and blood stripes on my legs from a switch, as did most of the kids I grew up with when we got in trouble.There were no discussions of physically abusing your children. If
you did something really bad, you got a whipping for it. Nowadays, very few parents use a belt or switch on their kids. I
don’t mean a little smack on the butt with a belt, I mean stripes up and down their legs.Are we as a people getting too soft, or are we just more compas-
sionate? Would the world be better off if more kids got whippings like we
used to get? I don’t know, but thinking back on it, I sure wish Mama had just grounded me instead.
David Webb Riverfront Park
If your gonna screw up, do it while you're young.
Because, the older you get, the harder it is to bounce back.
3 The Roane ReaderOCTOBER 2014 www.roanereader.com
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His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer.One day, while trying to eke out a living for his family, he heard acry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran
to the bog. There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death.The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse
surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved."I want to repay you," said the nobleman. "You saved my son's life.""No, I can't accept payment for what I did," the Scottish farmer
replied, waving off the offer.At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family
hovel."Is that your son?" the nobleman asked."Yes," the farmer replied proudly."I'll make you a deal. Let me take him and give him a good educa-
tion.If the lad is anything like his father, he'll grow to a man you can be
proud of."And that he did. In time, Farmer Fleming's son graduated from St.Mary's Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become
known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin.Years afterward, the nobleman's son was stricken with pneumonia.What saved him? Penicillin.The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill.His son's name? Sir Winston Churchill.
His Name Was Farmer Fleming
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Homeland Security Shield took the most recent FBI Uniform Crime Report, and then using both violent and property crimes, compiled a list of the most dangerous cities in Tennessee.Here is the list:
Only cities with violent crime rates over 7.0 were included. According to the list, Knoxville has a crime rate of about 77 per 1,000 residents. Your chances of becoming a victim of a crime in Knoxville are one in 13.
Most Dangerous Cities in TennesseeThree friends from the local
congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?Artie said, "I would like them to
say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."Eugene commented, "I would
like them to say I was a wonder-ful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."Al said, "I'd like them to say,
'Look, he's moving!'
At The Funeral
Happy BirthdayGaylene RoyerOct. 2nd
Haunting of Harriman Oct. 3rd & 4th-Tours begin at 8pm
Rockwood Fall Festival Oct. 4th-10am-6pm
Kingston Country Fair Oct. 4th-9:30am-6:30pm Southwest Point
Harriman Fall Harvest Concert Oct. 4th-7pm Princess Theatre
Public Stargazing Oct. 4th & 18th Tamke-Allan Observatory, Harriman
October Sky FestivalOct. 18th-9am-4pm Arrowhead Park, Oliver Spgs
Music Showcase Oct. 18th-4pm Princess Theatre
Spooktacular Saturday Oct. 25th-5am-7pm Southwest Point, Kingston
Kindred Spirits Oct. 26th-1:00pm & 3:00pm RSCC
Music Recital Oct. 30th-5am-6pm RSCC
Monsters’ Ball Oct. 31st-8 pm-12 am Rockwood Event Center
+ Window/Mini Blind Cleaning+ Dust-Free Cleaning+ Power Washing+ Roof Cleaning+ Gutter Guards 25 yr No Clog+ Special T Bathtub Refinishing
25 yearsEXPERIENCE
1. It was boredom that caused 25-year-old Margaret Mitchell to write 63 of the most beloved chapters in literary history. She was a journalist for the Atlanta Journal Sunday Magazine. 2. Though Mitchell spent the next decade working on characters and plot development, almost no one knew she was writing a book. She went to extreme lengths to hide her work from friends and family, including hurriedly throwing a rug over pages scat-tered on her living room floor once when company showed up unexpectedly. 3. Despite spending 10 years of her life working on the tome, Mitchell didn’t really have much intention of publishing it. When a “friend” heard that she was considering writing a book (though in fact, it had been written), she said something to the effect of, “Imagine, you writing a book!” Annoyed, Mitchell took her massive manuscript to a Macmillan editor the next day. She later regretted the act and sent the editor a telegram saying, “Have changed my mind. Send manuscript back.” 4. You know her as Scarlett now, but for years, the heroine of Gone with the Wind was called Pansy. It probably would have stayed that way had the publisher not requested a name change. “We could call her ‘Garbage O’Hara’ for all I care,” Mitchell wrote to her friend and the book’s associate editor, “I just want to finish this damn thing.” 5. Speaking of name changes, early drafts referred to Tara as “Fountenoy Hall.” 6.There was another Southern legend in Margaret Mitchell's family: Old West gunslinger (and den-tist) Doc Holliday, her cousin by marriage. Many people believe that Mitchell used her famous kin as the inspiration for Ashley Wilkes. 7. Add Margaret Mitchell to everyone else who doesn’t know what ultimately happened with Scarlett and Rhett. She left the ending ambiguous with no “real” ending even in her own head. “For all I know, Rhett may have found someone else who was less—difficult.” 8. Even if you haven’t read the book, you might have heard the last line: “Tomorrow is another
day.” That was also the tentative title. Mitchell also considered calling it Bugles Sang True or Not in Our Stars. 9. Though Gone with the Wind is a classic now, not everyone was a fan of the epic novel when it was released - and that includes critics. Ralph Thompson, a book reviewer for The New York Times, was quite unimpressed. Among his criticisms: •“The historical background is the chief virtue of the book, and it is the story of the times rather than the unconvincing and somewhat absurd plot that gives Miss Mitchell's work whatever importance may be attached to it.” •“Miss Mitchell writes from no particular point of view.” •“I happen to feel that the book would have been infinitely better had it been edited down to, say, 500 pages--but there speaks the harassed daily reviewer as well as the would-be judicious critic. Very nearly every reader will agree, no doubt, that a more disciplined and less prodigal piece of work would have more nearly done justice to the subject-matter.” At the end, Thompson rather begrudgingly admits that, “Any kind of first novel of over 1,000 pages is an achievement and for the research that was involved, and for the writing Itself, the author of Gone With the Wind deserves due recognition.” 10. When movie mogul David O. Selznick purchased the movie rights for $50,000 in 1936, it was the most ever paid for rights to a book. Mitch-ell declined to be involved with the production of the movie, though she was said to have loved it save for a few details (she found Tara to be too opulent, for example). Though she spent a decade writing her master-piece, Margaret Mitchell only enjoyed the ensuing fame for a little more than that (truth be told, she didn’t really “enjoy” the fame). Mitchell was hit by a speeding car as she was crossing Atlanta's Peachtree Street on her way to a movie in 1949. She died from her injuries a few days later.
EntertainmentGone With The Wind
This month, the classic film celebrates 75 years.Here’s some interesting tidbits you may not have know about...
Begin diet to gain weight.............................6,24Begin diet to lose weight...........................10,19Breed animals............................................24,25Castrate animals...................................3,4,30,31Cut hair to discourage growth...................21,22Cut hair to encourage growth.......................5,6Cut Hay.........................................................7,8Destroy pests and weeds...............................7,8Harvest aboveground crops......................1,2,29Harvest belowground crops.......................19,20Have dental care........................................19,20Plant aboveground crops ....................5,6,24,25Plant belowground crops.............................14,15Prune to discourage growth....................16,17,18Prune to encourage growth..................7,8,26,27Quit smoking.............................................10,19Set posts or pour concrete......................1,2,28,29Slaughter livestock....................................24,25Start projects.............................................24,25Wean animals or children..........................10,19
Temperature 65° (avg.) precipitation 1" (2" below avg.)
1. “Y’all”What it means everywhere else: Another way of saying “you guys.”What it means in the South: A word you use to address two or more people that’s used in almost every single sentence.2. “Seasons”What it means everywhere else: Fall, winter, spring, and summer.What it means in the South: Hot, super freaking hot, and cold for a couple of weeks.3. “Football”What it means everywhere else: A popular contact sport.What it means in the South: Religion, and what the South is best at.5. “Manners”What it means everywhere else: Occasionally using basic etiquette.What it means in the South: Always addressing people as ma’am and sir, opening doors, being nice to people, and genuinely meaning it.6. “Tailgating”What it means everywhere else: Drinking and eating in the parking lot until the big game starts.What it means in the South: Drinking and eating in the parking lot until the big game starts, dressed to the NINES, fancy and in school colors.7. “Fixin”What it means everywhere else: Short for fixing. What it means in the South: When you’re about to do something or getting ready to do something. Also used to talk about food.8. “Humidity”What it means everywhere else: The amount of moisture in the air. What it means in the South: A swampy hell and the reason you feel dirty and sweaty all the time.9. “Country Music”What it means everywhere else: A genre of music. What it means in the South: What you hear non-stop on every single radio station and social function.10. “Goober”What it means everywhere else: A delicious peanut butter and jelly spread. What it means in the South: An extremely nice way of calling someone a goofball.11. “SEC”What it means everywhere else: A college sports conference. What it means in the South: Where either you, one of your friends, or a member of your family went to school, and the best football conference the world has ever known.12. “Coke”What it means everywhere else: A shorter way to say Coca-Cola. What it means in the South: What you call any carbonated sugary beverage regardless if it’s actually Coca-Cola or not.13. “Camo”What it means everywhere else: A combination of colors used for blending in or concealment, short for camouflage. What it means in the South: A regular part of your wardrobe rotation.14. “Wildlife”What it means everywhere else: Birds and squirrels. What it means in the South: Alligators, wild hogs, snakes, raccoons, bats, and anything else that roams the backwoods.15. “Bless Your Heart”What it means everywhere else: A phrase used to show sincerity and caring. What it means in the South: A very nice way of calling someone an idiot.16. “Truck”What it means everywhere else: A vehicle used to transport stuff.What it means in the South: The majority of vehicles you see on the road.17. “The South”What it means everywhere else: The southern part of the country. What it means in the South: The best place on Earth.
Words That Have A Totally Different Meaning In The South
Largest Craft Fair in Roane CountyFeaturing a collection of the �nest
crafters in East Tennessee
Saturday, October 4th10:00 a.m. – 5:00 p.m.
Fort Southwest Point• 4H shows & competitions- horse expo,
poultry & more• A classic car show• Corn Hole tournaments• Cow Chip Bingo- Win $150• Doggie Pageant – Enter Fido and win
awards/prizes for the largest, smallest, best dressed, & cutest dog. Also performed best trick.
• Square dancing preformed by the “Three Rivers Ramblers”
• Clogging performances by “Dare To Dance” Academy
• Children’s games with prizes, bungee jumper, gyro-extreme ride, in�atables, and more
• Fort Southwest Point historical tours & demonstrations - See actual black-smithing on site, see the �ring of 1796 cannon
• Blue Ribbon competitions • Live Music – The Band Temper, John
Pryor
No admission fee, door prizes and free parking! 1226 S. Kentucky St. Kingston,TN
For more info go to www.kingstonparks.com or 865-376-1356
Watch the UT vs. Florida
Game on the big screen
under the game tent!
GAME BROUGHT TO YOU BY CROSS COMMUNICATIONS DIRECT T.V.
Happy 45th Anniversary to my husband
Larry ChristopherOct. 10th
“On the way to the rest of our lives”
Give a man a fish and he
will eat for a day.Teach a man to
fish and he will sit in a boat drinking
beer all day.
Kylie, is saying momma,baby,bear,ball,pa pa, moo for cow & wa wa for water. You will never know how much your prayers has helped us threw our tough times but God is so great & has continue to show us his powers threw our Faith & threw people we have never met so Thank you for all the prayers & please please continue to pray for us.
6 The Roane Reader www.roanereader.com OCTOBER 2014
Submit your Memorials, Dedications or just lift up those you love - FREETribute:
If you have a need please contact us anytime, we are here to encourage you and will put you on a pray list, pray over you or try to help with your needs anyway we can.
We want to show you the love of Christ - Roane Reader (865) 882-9340
We want to pray for you!
Happy BirthdayKatie Stout
Sept. 6th
Abby StoutOct. 3rd
Thomas StoutOct. 16th
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Happy Birthday in HeavenSandra Stout
Oct. 3rd
God saw you getting tiredAnd a cure was not to beSo he put His arms around youAnd whispered “Come to me.”
With tearful eyes we watched youAs you slowly slipped awayAnd though we loved you dearlyWe couldn’t make you stay.
Your golden heart stopped beatingYour tired hands put to restGod broke our hearts to prove to usHe only takes the best.
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ObituariesAug. 26th
Gary C. Smith, 72, Harriman“Jeanne” Kennedy, 68, Harriman
Amy N. Hall, 23, Oliver SpgsAug. 28th
Bryan Beason, 54, Harriman"Bill" Bunch, 83, Oliver Spgs
Aug. 30thGretchen Standridge, 76, Ten Mile
Aug. 31stVestle Newcomb, 84, Harriman
Char-lee Gaylor, infant, Oliver SpgsSept. 1st
Katherine Barker, 96, HarrimanSept. 2nd
“Cotton” Cisson, 67, RockwoodSept. 3rd
Steve Mitchell, 67, HarrimanAnne Cobb, 57, Oakdale
Sept. 5th“Mike” Cagle, 62, Rockwood
Sept. 6thBeverly Colyer, 49, Rockwood
Sept. 7th“Bill” Bradshaw, 96, Rockwood
J. W. Cisson, ,75 Rockwood
Sept. 8thPatricia Harvey, 56, Kingston
Sept. 9thSue Bullard Brown, 67, Harriman
Ben Delius, 87, HarrimanNora Mackey, 95, Rockwood
Sept. 11thFrederick Schiveley, 50, Petros
Sept. 12thMary Moody, 91, Harriman
James R. Robinette, 87, DyllisRuth McClendon, 89, Rockwood
Sept. 15thLeonard L. Mathis, 89, OakdaleMable F Braden, 90, Oliver SpgsLucas Nation, infant, Oliver Spgs
Sept. 17thNilie T. Walker, 50, Rockwood
Mack J. Mullins, 78, Oliver Spgs“Rich” Lodewegen, 72, Rockwood
Sept. 18thJeffery Braden, 52, Oliver Spgs
Sept. 19thDiana L. Robinette, Harriman
A man in Topeka, Kansas decided to write a book about churches around the country. He started by flying to San Francisco and started working east from there. Going to a very large church, he began taking photographs and making notes. He spotted a golden telephone on the vestibule wall and wasintrigued with a sign, which read "Calls: $10,000 a minute." Seeking out the pastor he asked about the phone and the sign. The pastor answered that this golden phone is, in fact, a direct line to heaven and if he pays the price he can talk directly to GOD.The man thanked the pastor and continued on his way. As he continued to visit churches in Seattle, Houston, St. Louis, Chicago, Milwaukee, and many cities and towns all around the United States , he found more phones, with the same sign, and the same answer from each pastor.Finally, he arrived in LaFollette, TN. Upon entering a church in the beautiful state of Tennessee, behold, he saw the usual golden telephone.But THIS time, the sign read "Calls: 35 cents". Fascinated, he asked to talk to the pastor, "Reverend, I have been in cities all across the country and in each church I have found this golden telephone and have been told it is a direct line to Heaven and that I could talk to GOD, but in the other churches the cost was $10,000 a minute.Your sign reads only 35 cents a call. Why?"I love this part...The pastor, smiling broadly, replied, "Son, you're in Tennessee now you're in God's Country. It's a local call." American by Birth, Tennessean by the Grace of God. And why do Tennessean go barefoot? CAUSE, When you're in Tennessee, you're on Holy ground! I PRAY IT IS SO... AMEN
Why most people go barefoot in TennesseeOne night, at 11:30 PM, an
older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.
A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxi cab. She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him.
Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home.
A special note was attached. It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others. Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole".
Stop and helpothers in need
Joe Murphy, 56, passed away Aug. 15th. Joe worked in emergency medical services for 38 years; 2 years as an EMT and 36 years as a
Paramedic. He was the first Paramedic to be licensed in Roane County; and was the first Paramedic in the state to retire his license, a licensing option which he helped to champion with the State E.M.S. Board. Joe
served for many years with Roane and Cumberland County E.M.S. and in latter years as a Dispatcher with Roane County E-911. He was a HAM radio operator and a member of the Roane County Amateur
Radio Club. He was also a Certified Weather Watcher.
Good morning, God. I am sorry that I hurt you. Please forgive me. I will honor no other God besides you. I will obey my parents. I will love my neighbor, even when he hurts me. I will keep trying each day to be a little better. I will try to be more like your son, Jesus. He never left anyone out. He stood up for those who were bullied. Thank you for sending Jesus to take away my sins.
Baptism of Repentance, Mark 1-8
Across3. dressed5. skin covering to keep warm6. male child7. one who delivers a message8. place to put belt9. leaving11. stronger12. sound of vocal chords13. existing17. skin from an animal18. stream20. single21. Messiah23. gave food to24. one who tells God's wishes25. very dry land27. liquid in a river28. acts against God's will29. entire31. recognized33. ways to travel35. sandalsDown1. shouting
2. sash around waist3. in the future4. pardon6. soul8. complete10. get ready13. look14. noble
15. land outside the city16. head person18. sorrow for actions19. following21. holy city22. shoes with straps26. bend over
27. path30. baptizer32. opposite of in34. exist
Trivia Answers:
Bible Trivia1. In which book of prophecy do we read about the valley of dry bones?2. Which baby was named afterhis mother’s laughter?3. Demetrius of Ephesus was a..?4. On which day of the year could the High Priest enter the Holiest Place, the inner most part of the temple where the covenant box was kept?5. What was the name of the temple gate at which the lame man was laid daily?6. To which Jewish sect did Nicodemus belong?7. What is the first recorded dream of Joseph, son of Jacob?8. To which tribe did the apostle Paul belong?9. How does James say we should “wait for the coming of the Lord”?10. “The blessed man will be like a tree planted by”…. what?
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"The boy thought it over and
said, "Well, I'll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out!'"
~~~~~A little girl became restless
as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
~~~~~A boy was watching his father,
a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked."Why, God tells me.""Oh, then why do you keep
crossing things out?"~~~~~~
A six-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church service: "And forgive us our trash passes as we forgive those who passed trash against us."
Church Chuckles
A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the
Lord's Prayer at a church service: "And forgive us our trash passes, as we
forgive those who passed trash against us."
HappyBirthdayFrank RoyerOct. 4th
My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?"I mentally polished my halo, while I asked, "No, how are we
alike?" "You're both old," he replied.
The Honesty of a Child
1. Ezekiel 2. Isaac3. Silversmith 4. Day of Atonement 5. Beautiful Gate 6. Pharisees 7. Sheaves of wheat bowing down to other sheaves
8. Benjamin 9. Patiently 10. Rivers of water
Want to haveThe Roane Reader
delivered to your mailbox for $16
a year?Call 865-882-9340
or www.roanereader.com
9 The Roane Readerwww.roanereader.comOCTOBER 2014
Retirement living for individuals 55 years and older or disabled with all the benefits of afford-ability and no yard work or maintenance hassles. We offer large 1 bedroom homes with 2 walk in and 1 hallway closet. We provide water/sewer, trash, services coordination, safety monitoring, chapel, activities, and lobby coffee bar at no extra charge. Rent is based on your income and utility allowance is given. Small pets welcome with pet deposit. Retire at our quality affordable community.
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Bible Beat
Baptism of Repentance Mark 1:1-8
You can play this online @ www.joanyedwards.com/wordsearch/B2BaptismofRepentance.html
God loves it when we obey his commandments. If we have gone off the pathways, then he wants us to repent and be sorry for our actions. He has given us the gift of baptism.This baptism of water will wipe the sins away from our souls. We will be clean, clean, clean. It's like going through a car wash...only it's a soul wash! We need to have our souls washed to get into heaven. The Holy Spirit can wipe our souls clean...He does "Dry cleaning of the soul."He doesn't use water. God the Father is so good to us. He forgives us when we make the mistake of letting our feet cross over the line into sinfulness.
aheadappearedbaptized
beginningbelt
camelChristclothedcoming
countryside
cryingdesert
forgivenessGod
gospelhairholy
honeyJesusJohn
JordanleatherlocustsloosenLord
messengermightier
pathspeopleprepare
proclaimingprophet
repentanceriver
sandalssending
sinsspiritstoop
straight
thongsvoicewaistwaterwaywild
worthywritten
K A K N Q U G L Z O W H O L K I T Z X FC P W U U S O C L J O R D A N L H S R OR P R X C F D C C A M E L B X Q O E P RE E I Q O Q S P R O C L A I M I N G R GP A T P M M I W A Y Z Y J O H N G Q O IE R T E I E W O R T H Y B E L T S O P VN E E O N S K C O U N T R Y S I D E H ET D N P G S P R E P A R E W A T E R E NA W V L A E S G S I N S V O I C E U T EN A H E M N T O Y U X S P A T H S V P SC I O L I G O S L L E E C L O T H E D SE S N O G E O P O O J Y L R I V E R D GV T E R H R P E O C B E G I N N I N G QU S Y D T O D L S U H F V D Z H X O C LS T R A I G H T E S O N F X P A F J H EA Z N Q E H V N N T L S P I R I T E R AH A E M R L X P H S Y A C Q Q R S S I TE R S A N D A L S C D E S E R T D U S HA B A P T I Z E D O C U W D W M I S T ED C R Y I N G W I L D S E N D I N G K R
Bible Quest
Bible Quest Answers
1. How old was Abraham when his son Isaac was born?2. In the parable of the Pharisee and the Publican, what did the
Pharisee thank God for?3. How many times did Jesus say you should forgive your brother
when he sins against you?4. What question concerning marriage did the Pharisees use to tempt
Jesus?5. How does Paul tell us to “work out our own salvation”?6. In the parable of the cloth and wine, why does no man put new
wine into old bottles?7. In which city did King Herod live at the time of Jesus’ birth?8. What is the “root of all evil”?9. What does the law say to do when you see a bird in its nest?10. Which tribe of Israel received no inheritance of land?
The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces and laid it upon the altar. And then Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times. "Now, said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?"
A little girl raised her hand with great enthusiasm and said "To make the gravy!"
Elijah’s Alter
"If the people of Israel are Israelites, and the people of Canaan are Canaanites, are the people of Paris called Parasites?"
10 The Roane Reader www.roanereader.com OCTOBER 2014
I took my children to a restaurant. My six-year-old son had asked if he could say grace. As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good. God is great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more if Mom gets us ice cream for dessert. And Liberty and justice for all, amen."Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby, a woman
remarked, "That's what's wrong with this country, kids today don't even know how to pray, asking God for ice-cream. Why, I never."Hearing this, my son burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it
wrong? Is God mad at me?"As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job and
God was certainly not mad at him.An elderly gentleman approached the table. He winked at my son
and said, " I know that God thought that was a great prayer.""Really?", my son asked."Cross my heart." Then in a theatrical whisper he added (indicating
the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is good for the soul."Naturally, I bought my kids ice cream at the end of the meal.
My son stared at his for a moment and then did something I will remember the rest of my life.He picked up his sundae and without a word walked over and
placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he told her, "Here, this is for you. Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes, and my soul is good already." - Unknown Author
A Six Year Old's PrayerI was in the 'Six Item Express' lane at the supermarket, quietly fuming.Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out
line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked
into the cart and asked sweetly, "So - which six items would you like to buy?Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?
Six Items or Less
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why you pay him/her. 2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. 3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's work-shop;" the devil's name is Alzheimer's. 4. Enjoy the simple things. When the children are young, that is all that you can afford. When they are in college, that is all that you can afford. When you are on retirement, that is all that you can afford! 5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. Laugh so much that you can be tracked in the store by your distinc-tive laughter. 6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be alive while you are alive, don't put out a mailbox on the highway of death and just wait in residence for your mail. 7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it is family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge. 8. Cherish your health. If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help. 9. Don't take guilt trips. Go to the mall, the next county, a foreign country, but not to guilt country. 10. Tell the people you love, that you love them, at every opportuni-ty. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER, Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
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A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"
Voted Funniest Joke Ever
This is a story about four people: Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it.Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job.Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when actually Nobody asked Anybody.
Four People
1. Neil Armstrong’s famous quote was incorrectly transmitted. Instead of saying, “That’s one small step for man,” he claims he said, "That’s one small step for a man." As he once clarified to a biographer: "I think that reasonable people will realize that I didn't intentionally make a statement and that certainly the 'a' was intend-ed, because that's the only way the statement makes any sense."2. President Nixon was prepared for the worst, as was his speech writer William Safire. Safire put together a tribute to the Apollo 11 astronauts just in case they never made it home. "In ancient days, men looked at stars and saw their heroes in the constellations," the president would have read in one of the speech’s poignant lines. "In modern times, we do much the same, but our heroes are epic men of flesh and blood."3. The flag isn’t the only thing the Apollo 11 astronauts left behind. Over 100 items were discarded on the lunar surface, including a commemorative plaque and a gold replica of an olive branch, as well as trash items such as moon boots, a camera, urine containers and air-sickness bags. (Armstrong and Aldrin were told to jettison their junk to make room for the samples they collected.) Several states have lobbied to make the lunar landing site a national monument in order to prohibit future moon travelers from stealing these items and selling them on eBay. 4. Neil Armstrong couldn’t afford the life insurance policy for an as-tronaut, so he, along with Buzz Aldrin and Michael Collins, hatched an alternate plan. Prior to their mission, the three signed hundreds of autographs while under quarantine. They then sent these autographs off to a friend, who would postmark them on the date of Apollo 11’s launch, and in the event of a tragedy, the friend would distribute the memorabilia to the astronauts’ families for them to sell for money.
10 strange-but-true facts related to the Apollo 11 mission:
12 The Roane Reader www.roanereader.com OCTOBER 2014
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Aunt Hattie's
HATTIE SHILLINGS"Hurry-Up" Recipes
Household Hints Avoid freezer burn on your ice cream. Take a piece of plastic wrap and place it between the ice cream and the lid. Make sure to press the wrap close to ice cream. Ice crystals will form on the wrap instead of your dessert!
Take food stains off your fingers. Just slice and rub raw potato on the stains and rinse with water.
Avoid stains on Tupperware. Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato-based sauces.
Keep your punch cold. Use frozen seedless grapes! Not only will they add festive color but, unlike ice cubes, they won't melt and dilute your punch.
Ahh, dust bunnies. Even the cleanest homes can get them. Most visitors won't be closely inspecting your carpets and floors, so focus your turbo-cleaning efforts on sweeping up noticeable dust bunnies and piles of crumbs using a simple dust pan and brush or broom.
A spritz or two of a nice room spray or fabric spray — whether it's Febreze, Lysol, or something fancier — will add to the sense of a clean house. It's the easiest cleaning task of all!
Harsh overhead lighting can highlight messes, so switch to "low lighting" — table lamps and floor lamps — for a more subtle, cozy feel. Some flickering candles can also help you "fake" the clean vibe in a snap.
Remove gum from hair with nail polish remover, then shampoo. People have thought that doing this with peanut butter was correct, and I am not saying it isn’t. But with the new information out about people being allergic to peanuts, why take the chance?
Spray the cheese grater with cooking spray before grating! The "grease" makes the cheese glide easily across the grates with less effort. This is key for mozzarella and other softer cheeses.
Crock Pot Chicken and Chili
6 bratwurst links, browned and cut 1/2 inch pcs4 medium potatoes, peeled and cubed1 tablespoon dried minced onion1 (15 ounce) can green beans, drained
1 small red bell pepper, seeded and chopped2 cups shredded Cheddar cheese1 (10.75 ounce) can cream of mushroom soup2/3 cup water
1 1/2 lb chicken breast (unfrozen) 1/2 tsp salt 1/2 tsp ground cayenne pepper 1/2 tsp chili powder 1 tsp paprika 1 tsp cumin 1/2 tsp ground black pepper
3/4 celery, chopped 4 cloves garlic, minced 28 oz petite diced tomatoes, drained 15 oz black beans, drained and rinsed well 15 oz northern white beans, drained and rinsed 2 1/2 Cups chicken broth Blue cheese crumbles
Place chicken breast in a crock pot. Sprinkle with seasoning. Add remaining ingredients. Cook on high for 4 hours or low for 8 hours. When done, remove and cool chicken breast then tear into shreds. Return to crock pot. Stir and serve.
Crock Pot Chicken Pot Pie
Combine the chicken, potatoes, carrots, celery, chicken soup, chicken bouillon, garlic salt, celery salt, and black pepper in a slow cooker; cook on High for 5 hours.Stir the frozen mixed vegetables into the slow cooker, and cook 1 hour more.
Since cooler weather is moving in, here’s some delicious stew and soup recipes to warm your innards.
4 boneless chicken breast halves, cut in cubes10 medium red potatoes, quartered1 (8 ounce) package baby carrots1 cup chopped celery2 cans condensed cream of chicken soup
6 cubes chicken bouillon2 teaspoons garlic salt1 teaspoon celery salt1 tablespoon ground black pepper1 (16 ounce) bag frozen mixed vegetables
Cheesy Brat Stew
Mix cream cheese and mayonnaise together in a large bowl. Stir Cheddar cheese, tomatoes with green chile peppers, corn, green bell pepper, and green onion into cream cheese mixture. Cover and refrigerate for flavors to blend, 2 hours to overnight.
1 pound ground beef1 (1.25 ounce) package taco seasoning mix1 (15 ounce) can whole kernel corn, drained1 (15 ounce) can black beans, undrained
1 (6 ounce) can tomato paste1 1/2 cups water1/2 cup sour cream2 (8 ounce) packages shredded Cheddar cheese
Southwestern Black Bean Stew
In a large skillet over medium high heat, saute the ground beef and drain the excess fat. Add taco seasoning, and stir. Reduce heat to low, cover and simmer for 10 minutes.In a slow cooker over low heat, combine the corn, beans, tomato paste and water. Mix well. Add the seasoned meat and the sour cream. Raise heat to high setting and simmer for 20 minutes. Pour into individual bowls and garnish with shredded cheddar cheese.
HappyBirthdayAmanda
“Maddie” Christopher
Oct. 19th
Look for the size and shape pumpkin that matches your design. If you are doing a scary villain, atall pumpkin would look best. A jolly happy pumpkin looks good on a nice fat pump-kin. Next, make sure the pumpkin is a bright healthy orange and there are no signs of mold. Also check that there is no damage to the skin of the pumpkin, because a small nick will later cause the pumpkin to rot. A nice sturdy stem also helps and looks good. It serves as a good handle for the top of the pumpkin.
How to choose a pumpkin to carve
13 The Roane Readerwww.roanereader.comOCTOBER 2014
Penny PinchersPenny Pinchers• Mix dry oatmeal and water into a paste and spread on face. Lie down and let it dry. Wash off with warm water. Excellent facial.
• Visit your hairdresser during the week, as sometimes they offer haircuts cheaper than on busier Saturdays.
• Products that say good on "One Any Size" can be used on trial sizes. If you have a $1.00 coupon off of your favorite shampoo, and the trial size is only .99 cents, you will get it free!
• For the truly frugal - when you can no longer squeeze any more toothpaste out of the tube, cut the tube open, and scrape the remain-der into a bowl. Add baking soda and some water, and you can double the amount of the toothpaste.
• To stretch your shampoo pour half of bottle into empty bottle, and add water to fill both. You have twice as much now, and it will work just the same.
• Free fingernail brush - When washing your hair, before you rinse off the shampoo run your fingernails through your hair a few times. Then rinse.
• Facial Moisturizer - Petroleum jelly makes a great moisturizer. Wash your face and while it is still wet apply a tiny amount of jelly. Continue rubbing in a circular motion adding very warm water until jelly is spread evenly. Your skin will be soft and non-greasy even in the winter.
• Removing makeup - Use a damp washcloth rather than cotton balls to remove makeup. It works great and also saves natural resources.
• Melted Lipstick - Don't throw away that expensive lipstick after leaving it in the car. Just place it in the freezer and it will be like new. Transfer to another container, if necessary.
• Extend the Usage of Your Stick Deodorant - When you can no longer use the sticks because the deodorant is below the plastic line, set the container aside. When you have several near-empty containers, microwave them for about 10 seconds until the remaining deodorant liquefies. Pour the liquid deodorant into a plastic container and let harden.
Homemade Softener SheetPour a bottle of liquid fabric softener into a large container with lid. Fill the empty softener container with water and add it to the contain-er. Repeat to give you a 2:1 mixture of water to fabric softener. Drop sponges into the mixture. Grab a sponge, wring out the excess liquid, and add it to the dryer with your wet clothes. Seal your container between uses.
Don’t Toss Those Butcher or Steak Knives just yet! If you’re sick of the rust spots, simply follow these steps to get rid of them (or, at least, make them less visible)! Snag a small bottle of lemon juice (any brand) Pour lemon juice in a tall enough glass so the knives fit standing up Soak the knives for 5-10 minutes With a scouring pad, scrub the rust spots off!
How To Restore A Sponge With SaltGet a little bit more life out of your sponge. Y’all know how sponges can become grungy but still have some “potential” life to them. To restore the sponge to “tip top shape” simply make a mixture of 1/4 cup of salt and 1 quart of water and leave the sponge in it over night. Tired of throwing out expensive razors only after a few uses? Try this tip next time you shave: Pour a little bit of baby oil on the blades before you shave You can also shave with baby oil, rather than shaving cream, for a smoother (and closer) shave!
How to Clean a Toilet With CokeYou know those icky toilet rings and plain old stains your toilet bowl get – well if you are in a pinch grab a can of coke. All the acids ( like citric acid) and carbon break down stains. Simple pour the can of coke into the toilet and leave it over night ( or at least one hour). You should not have to brush before you flush the Coke. But, you may have to do a little scrubbing if there is a difficult stain.
How to Use Your Oven More EfficientlyWhen you are using the oven, especially in the summer when it’s hot, think about what else you can bake now to use later.For example, when you are done baking your cookies, through in some chicken breasts that will make great sandwiches for lunch the next day. This not only limits the number of times you need to heat up your kitchen, you will save energy as well.
The Best Window CleanerClean windows and mirrors with scrunched-up newspaper, dampened with 1 part white vinegar to 10 parts water. You know about using vinegar to clean windows and mirrors but have you tried adding some dishwasher rinse aid to the water? It leaves glass streak free with a sparkly finish – and it smells better than vinegar.
Insist on HelpEncourage every member of the house to clean as they go. Make them realize that hiring a cleaner is expensive. Set an hourly rate and pay yourself for the cleaning you do and save this money towards a new appliance or family holiday. Get all the family in the habit of ‘little and often’ cleaning and tidying. It promotes quality time with your family and obtains a fresh living space for everyone. Make sure everything in your house has a home. Teach all family members to mind their own messes. For example, if you take it out, put it back; if you open it, close it; if you throw it down, pick it up; if you make a mess, clean it up; and so on.
OrganizeThe simplest thing that you can do to keep yourself organized is to keep a constant to-do list. Keep a notepad with you at all times. Whenever a new task comes up, add it to your list. As you complete tasks, cross them off your list.
How to do it?•Add your own black and white photos to a collection of profes-sional photographs. Mount them all in black frames and hang them together on the wall.
•Hang a large mirror across from a window to open up the space and double the amount of natural light.
•Paint the baseboards a contrast-ing color (black always works well but it isn't necessary). It's like applying mascara to the eyelashes. It will make the whole wall pop.
•Find pretty, matching contain-ers for all of the items you keep on the kitchen counters. It's attractive and will help keep your everyday items organized. (This applies just as well to the bathroom, dressing room and office.)
•Cover your clear vases in fabric. Either use a glue gun or double-sided tape to attach it.
•Change your throw pillows. If you've got simple, neutral pillows switch them out for bright and bold with patterns.
•Find the window with the best view in your home and make a window seat. Either find or build a cabinet-style bench and then have a cushion made to put on top.
14 The Roane Reader www.roanereader.com OCTOBER 2014
A crash is coming, and it may be terrific… The vicious circle will get in full swing and the result will be a serious business depression. There may be a stampede for selling which will exceed anything that the Stock Exchange has ever witnessed. Wise are those investors who now get out of debt.The statements above were made by investor Roger Babson at a speech at the Annual Business Conference in Massachusetts on the
5th of September, 1929. Mr. Babson’s prediction was not a sudden one. In fact, he had been making the same prediction for the previous two years, although he, in September of 1929, felt the crash was much closer. News of his speech reached Wall Street by mid-afternoon, causing the market to retreat about 3%. The sudden decline was named the “Babson Break.” The reaction from business insiders was immediate. Rather than respond by saying, “Thanks for the warning—we’ll proceed cautiously,” Wall Street vilified him. The Chicago Tribune published numerous rebuffs from a host of economists and Wall Street leaders. Even Mr. Babson’s patriotism was taken into question for making so rash a projection. Noted economist Professor Irving Fisher stated emphatically, “There may be a recession in stock prices, but not anything in the nature of a crash.” He and many others repeatedly soothed investors, advising them that resumption of the boom was imminent. Financier Bernard Baruch famously cabled Winston Churchill, “Financial storm definitely passed.” Even President Herbert Hoover assured Americans that the market was sound. But, 55 days after Mr. Babson’s speech, on 29th October, 1929, the market suddenly went into a free-fall, dropping 12% in its first day.Today, most people have the general impression that on Black Friday, the market crashed and almost immediately, there were breadlines. Not so. In the Great Depression, as in any depression, the market collapsed in stages. The market did not reach its bottom with 89% losses until July of 1932.Along the way, thousands of banks and lending institutions went belly-up. Thirteen million jobs disappeared.And of course, the political leaders of the day did their bit. They implemented knee-jerk “solutions” that actually worsened the situation. Restrictive tariffs, gold confiscation, and a more dominant government were employed, just as they will be this time around.So, as the market tumbled, we would imagine that Babson came to be praised by Wall Street for his insight, but in fact, the opposite occurred. Having accused him of being utterly incorrect in September, they later accused him of having caused the depression.
So what do we take away from this? First, we can be certain that as the present-day house of cards begins to shake, there will be no warnings from Wall Street. In fact, quite the opposite. Their bread gets buttered by buyers. They will be adamant (and even, in many cases, truly believe) that the sky is the limit and investors should buy, buy, buy, as there are fortunes to be made by doing so. And investors, watching the rise, will fall all over each other, just as in 1929, buying with both hands.This time around, the crash and its byproducts will be more extreme than in 1929, as the bubble is more extreme. And Wall Street can count on television and a media that has a vested interest in keeping the charade going as long as possible. It will also be more extreme, as the governments of much of the world are now broke and can only worsen their respective economies through the customary “solutions” that governments always employ—tariffs, confiscations, greater government control, money printing etc.Finally, the aftermath will be more extreme, as—unlike in 1929, when most people actually believed in the government—this time around, there will be dramatic unrest.Just as in 1929, those who are declaring that “the Emperor has no clothes” are few in number, and their viewpoint is most certainly not put forth in the conventional media. For this reason, it’s understandable that the great majority of people invariably ignores the Babson’s of the world as buffoons and blithely charge toward the cliff like lemmings.Those who do think independently and become convinced that history is repeating itself are focusing their attention on finding a way out of being a casualty in the train wreck that’s coming. This is difficult to do, as invariably, the closer the event becomes, the more difficult it is to swim against the tide. For this reason, even many who conclude that the end is near often fail to act to save themselves and their families.The great temptation is to decide, “Maybe it won’t be so bad. Maybe I can live with it.” And in fact, for most people, this will be the prevailing view—that although their personal situation will be diminished in many ways, the crashes will be tolerable.The question is whether we wish to make the pre-emptive effort to create a life that is far better than tolerable, and possibly even improved, while the opportunity for doing so still exists.If the Banks Failed! If Real Estate values collapsed!, If Stock Markets Crashed!…. Who was the champion of the depression? Bob Tonachio is CEO of Robert James & Associates, Inc. a national financial services company licensed in 30 states. Consultations are free of charge in Crossville, Kingston and Knoxville. Call 1-865-376-4925 or 1-800-530-5700. Email: [email protected]
Bob Tonachio
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1. Go to amusement parks. Once you have kids, your visits will be dominated by costumed characters, sing-a-longs, and kiddie rides. Before that happens, you should make a trip when you ride the scariest roller coasters and stay out as late as you like.
2. Save money.
3. Adopt a dog. Fur babies are great at preparing you for kids.
4. Read books about the parenting experience. The “baby books” are worthwhile reads, but they only teach you how to take care of your baby for the first year or so. Books like Carrie and Me, though, are more important to read because they give you a glimpse at the totality of the parenting experience: the joys, frustrations, and ultimate brilliance of it all.
5. Move somewhere you’ve always wanted to live. Dream of knowing what it’s like to live in New York, on a ranch in Wyoming, or in a foreign country? If so, you need to take the plunge now, because making such a huge life change after kids is much, much more complicated.
6. Do something dangerous. Once a little person is depending on you to take care of them, you’ll probably lose the nerve to jump off a cliff (or run with the bulls in Pamplona). So if you want to do something extreme, do it now.
7. Travel. Seeing the world is a whole lot easier when you have to buy one plane ticket instead of, say, four.
8. Stop drinking if you have a problem. You don’t have to quit drinking just because you become a parent, but if drinking is a problem or becoming one (and you know deep down if it is), then you need to address the issue. It’s not fair to bring a child into the world if you don’t.
9. Ask your parents what it was really like to be a parent. Your parents likely shielded you from their daily struggles when you were little, but now you can (and should) ask them what it was really like raising you. What did they find most difficult? Did kids put a strain on their relationship? Speaking openly about these questions will help you understand what having kids will really be like.
10. Really get to know, and enjoy the company of, your partner. Spending a couple years or more focusing on each other will give you a strong foundation to draw on when you have kids and things get harder (which they tend to do).
11. Finish school. While it is possible to finish school when you have kids, it’s not easy because in addition to school you have to financially support a family AND be someone’s mom or dad. If you can finish school now, instead of later, you should.
12. Eat at adult restaurants. Once you have kids, eating out will almost exclusively happen at family-friendly restaurants (with the rare exception of when you go to the trouble and expense of hiring a babysitter), so experience those cool restaurants now.
13. Get your crazies out. A lament you hear from some parents is that they never got to be young and have fun. Once you have a child, they officially become the kid and you’re now the responsible adult. So don’t rush it if you feel like you should still be having your fun.
14. Establish your career (as much as possible). As we’ve established, kids ain’t cheap. So if you can dedicate yourself to getting ahead at work before you have kids, you’ll be in a better position to take care of them. (You’ll also be in a better position to slip out to T-ball games.)
15. Learn how to do something you’ve always wanted to master. This not only will give you a great sense of fulfillment, but keep you from spending the next 20 years saying, “When these kids are finally out of the house and I have some time I’m going to learn to play the guitar once and for all!”
16. Pull an all-nighter…for fun. You’re going to be up a lot at night (especially when your kids are little), but not by choice. That’s why you should make the most of this time in your life when the only reasons you’re ever up at 4 a.m. are fun ones.
17. Do something spontaneous. A parent’s life is pretty much the opposite of sponta-neous, so when you’re kid-free and able to, for example, go to Vegas at the drop of a hat, you should.
18. Be selfish. When you have kids you almost always have to put their needs ahead of yours, so don’t be afraid to throw yourself a few “me parties” when you can.
19. Get right with yourself. If you have unresolved issues from your childhood, insecurities that are holding you back, or anything else you need to remedy about yourself, the time is now. You can’t guide someone toward being the best possible person they can be when you haven’t made sure you’re the best possible person you can be.
Things You Need To Do Before You Have Kids
GRASSCUTTERS(865) 250-3656
www.grasscutterstn.comwww.grasscutterstn.comFOR ADDITIONAL SERVICES CALL OR CHECK OUT OUR WEBSITE ATFOR ADDITIONAL SERVICES CALL OR CHECK OUT OUR WEBSITE AT
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Subscribe to The Roane ReaderSend $16 to 501 Evergreen Dr.
16 The Roane Reader www.roanereader.com OCTOBER 2014
P.O. Box 684Kingston, TN 37763
Contact Senator Ken YagerContact Senator Ken YagerContact Senator Ken Yager
6 Legislative PlazaNashville, TN 37243
Phone: (615) 741-1449 (800) 449-8366
ext. 11449
I've learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sing "Silent Night" - Age 6I've learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back - Age 9I've learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up again - Age 12I've learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should trycheering someone else up - Age 14I've learned that brushing my child's hair is one of life's greatpleasures - Age 26I've learned that wherever I go, the world's worst drivers have followed me there - Age 29I've learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it - Age 30I've learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don't know how to show it - Age 42I've learned that you can make someone's day by simply sending them a little note - Age 44I've learned that the greater a person's sense of guilt, the greater hisor her need to cast blame on others - Age 46I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow - Age 48I've learned that singing "Amazing Grace" can lift my spirits for hours - Age 49I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die - Age 53I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life - Age 58I've learned that if you want to do something positive for your children, work to improve your marriage - Age 61I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you But if youfocus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you - Age 65I've learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision - Age 66I've learned that everyone can use a prayer - Age 72I've learned it pays to believe in miracles, I've seen several - Age 75I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone People love that human touch-holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back - Age 85I've learned that I still have a lot to learn - Age 92
Things I've Learned...When a mother saw a thunderstorm forming in mid-afternoon, she
worried about her seven-year-old daughter who would be walking the three blocks from school to home.
Deciding to meet her, the mother saw her walking nonchalantly along, stopping to smile whenever lightning flashed.
Glimpsing her mother, the little girl ran to her, explaining enthusias-tically, "All the way home, God's been taking my picture!"
The Thunder Storm HappyBirthday
KennyClintonOct. 14th
17 The Roane Readerwww.roanereader.comOCTOBER 2014
THE WRITER'S PAGEThe Roane Reader proudly presents
Once upon an Autumn moonThe weather would be changing soonReady to be picked the pumpkins awaitFor the cold air is coming it will not be lateHalloween will make an appearance soonAs we look upon the harvest moonKids dressed in costumes of every kindAnd in stores the candy you can findThey go from house to house for trick or treatAnd all kinds of candy they get to eatWith jack-o-lanterns and black cats on the fence postThe frost is setting and cools the noseThe autumn moon is yellow and full for fallAnd we hear the sound of an owl's callHalloween will soon be over but before it endsWe'll celebrate with a party of family and friends
Autumn’s Halloweenby: Donna Kay Reynolds
God gives us the gift of discernmentTo keep us when the Tempter comesTo lure our hearts from JesusAnd bring dishonor to God's only Son.So many times I cry out, "Lord, Why?"He simply says, "Be still, my childAnd know that I am God.I'll keep your feet from fallingWhere others already have trodI'll hold your hand throughout the stormUntil the winds are calm -Then, give you grace and peace and joyTo continue to walk with thy God.
Safe In the StormPsalm 46:1,10
by: Katie Bailey Randolph
October winds blow across the landMake way for Halloween plansSoon the streets will be filled with costumes displayWith children gathering treats on that dayHalloween is a fun time of the yearWhile ghost and goblins gather nearWith many other costumes you may greet along the wayMake Halloween a safe and happy dayHaunted houses will be on displayAnd parties will be Held on that daySo have a fun and happy timeEnjoy Halloween with all the treats you find As blow the winds of this October nightRemember Halloween and all of its delights
Halloween Timeby: Donna Kay Reynolds
You think it’s hard to take a standAnd serve God, in this Godless landDo you think the Christian life is too big a sacrificeWell in the end, it’s the worst my friend
You say you cannot testify, for worldly things, you can’t help to sigh?If you’re left behind, you’ll surely findAn awful curse,…. Things will get worse If you prefer to be broadmindedWith your eyes completely blindedYou can’t clutch God with one Hand, brotherAnd grab the world with the other
Tribulations coming on……When all the Christians are all goneThis earth will rest in satins handWhile desolation rules this land
There’ll be earthquakes every where Plagues and pestilence fill the air Brother kills brother, friend kills friend Wars and torments in the end
But there’s no need to fear, my friendIf on Jesus, you depend,For when this world ends in fireYou’ll be singing in God’s choir.
When The World’s on Fireby: Lisa Holso/Hansen 1952
Dear friends,Have you ever been using a water hose and gotten aggravated because the water-flow wasn't what you needed it to be? well here i go again, when we pray to our Lord God for our loved ones or even for ourselves and we don't know why He hasn't answered; well, maybe it's because our faith in Him isn't what it needs to be. We all need to remember He is in control and knows what we need and when and how to answer our prayers. Believe in Him!
by: Elsie WyrickWords of Wisdom
19 The Roane Readerwww.roanereader.comOCTOBER 2014
Free Case Review.No Attorney Fee Unless You Get Paid!
SCOTTMCCLUEN
To Schedule an Appointment M - F:Call:865-388-0017
Parental Involvement Is the AnswerStudy after study has shown that parental involve-ment is the number-one determinant of how well all children -- regardless of their background --
do in school. Here are ten ways you can help your kids succeed in the classroom -- and beyond.
1. Create an environment in your home that encour-ages learning. This will be a major influence on how well your children do in school. Provide them with many different opportunities to become excited about learning. Make sure that appropriate materials from puzzles to paints to computers are available to stimulate their curiosity. 2. Provide your children with a well-balanced life. A stable home, filled with love, serves as a solid foundation for getting straight A's. Establish rou-tines so your child gets enough sleep, eat regular nourishing meals, and receive sufficient exercise. Limit excessive TV-viewing and playing video and computer games. 3. Read to your children every day. Most of the learning your children do in school involves reading. Read to your kids to teach them about reading, expand and enrich their vocabular-ies, and broaden their experiences. Reading aloud exposes them to materials that would be difficult for them to read on their own.4. Encourage them to read extensively. As your children progress through school, as much as 75 percent of what they learn will come from the printed page. The more children read, the better their reading skills become. Make sure there is a wide variety of interesting reading materials in your home to encourage the reading habit.5. Show your children how to be organized. Children who are organized find it much easier to succeed in school. One of the best ways to teach organizational skills is through example. Show your children how to use such organizational tools as assignment pads, calendars, notebooks, binders,
and backpacks. 6. Teach them effective study skills. Good study skills are absolutely essential to get A's. Make sure your children know how to read their textbooks, prepare for tests, memorize facts, and use their time efficiently. Encourage them to have a regular time for studying, and provide a study place that is free of distractions.7. Urge your children to listen and participate in class. Listening in class is the easy way for children to learn. Advise your older children to take notes, which will help them concentrate on what is being said. Encourage your children to participate in class -- it will greatly increase their interest in what they're learning.8. Help your children learn how to tackle home-work. Doing homework reinforces what your children learn in school. Show them how to do it so that homework quickly becomes their responsibility. Help them learn what assignments to do first and how to plan their time. Encourage them not to rush through their homework but to consider every assignment a learning experience. 9. Talk to your children about school. Your children spend hours in school every day. A lot can happen during that time. Show that you are genuinely interested in their day by asking ques-tions about what they did and talking with them about the papers they bring home. When problems occur, work with your kids to find solutions.10. Develop a good relationship with your children's teachers. Good communication between home and school helps children do well in school and makes it easier to address problems. Be sure to attend parent-teach-er conferences, visit your kids' classrooms, and volunteer to help their teachers. And don't forget to express your appreciation to teachers for all that they do for your children.
The Attic Fanatics Marketplace next door to Rosemary’s Florist and Cupcake Haven at
103 First St. Kingston, TN (865-376-4484) BEHIND RITE AID is a great resource for unique
buying. All our vendors are local people and thrive to bring you something different and amazing each week.
There are unique collections of pieces that have been given a new life by local artisans with creative and talented skills. Also inside the Marketplace, you will find hand made items, new gift items, antique furniture, newly redone furniture, glassware, vintage items, mancave items & iron yard art, jewelry, paintings, vintage clocks, and much much more.
You will even find one of a kind pieces, beautifully framed artwork & photography,
home accessories and furniture pieces.
You will want to visit frequently as new items are added often and you will not
want to miss out on sales. Need a gift in a hurry? The Marketplace is your answer!
Not just for girls!! Guys will enjoy some of the great items here too. So grab a guy and come on down. SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL BUSINESS…..YOUR NEXT
GREAT BUY IS RIGHT HERE IN KINGSTON!
Monday-Friday 9:00 to 5:00 Saturday 9:00 to 3:00 and
OPEN THE FIRST SUNDAY OF EACH MONTH from 12:00 to 4:00 PM
OPEN
Two things define you. Your patience when you have
nothing, and your attitude when you have everything.
20 The Roane Reader www.roanereader.com OCTOBER 2014
M O T O R SLLC
882 1165CallJESUS SAVES
“Where Customers Send Their Friends”
1007 Ruritan Rd
Located 300 feet north of the red light at the intersection of Pine Ridge Rd & Ruritan Rd in So. Harriman
Cars TrucksTractors Vans
Sport UtilitiesEquipment Carports
CHASE FOR THE NASCAR SPRINT CUP BEGINS
Feb 15 Sprint Unlimited Daytona International Speedway FOX Sports 1 8:00PM ET MRN/SIRIUSXM Feb 16 Daytona 500 Qualifying Daytona International Speedway FOX 1:00PM ET MRN/SIRIUSXM Feb 20 Budweiser Duel Daytona International Speedway FOX Sports 1 7:00PM ET MRN/SIRIUSXM Feb 23 Daytona 500 Daytona International Speedway FOX 1:00PM ET MRN/SIRIUSXM Mar 2 Sprint Cup 500 Phoenix International Speedway FOX 3:00PM ET MRN/SIRIUSXM Mar 9 Kobalt 400 Las Vegas Motor Speedway FOX 3:00PM ET PRN/SIRIUSXM Mar 16 Food City 500 Bristol Motor Speedway FOX 1:00PM ET PRN/SIRIUSXM Mar 23 Auto Club 400 Auto Club Speedway FOX 3:00PM ET MRN/SIRIUSXM Mar 30 STP 500 Martinsville Speedway FOX 1:00PM ET MRN/SIRIUSXM Apr 6 Texas 500 Texas Motor Speedway FOX 3:00PM ET PRN/SIRIUSXM Apr 12 Bojangles’ Southern 500 Darlington Raceway FOX 6:30PM ET MRN/SIRIUSXM Apr 26 Toyota Owners 400 Richmond International Raceway FOX 7:00PM ET MRN/SIRIUSXM May 4 Aaron's 499 Talladega Superspeedway FOX 1:00PM ET MRN/SIRIUSXM May 10 NASCAR Sprint Cup Series Under the Lights Kansas Speedway FOX 7:30PM ET MRN/SIRIUSXM
May 17 NASCAR All-Star Showdown / NASCAR Sprint All-Star Race Charlotte Motor Speedway FOX Sports 1 7:00 PM ET MRN/SIRIUSXM
May 25 Coca-Cola 600 Charlotte Motor Speedway FOX 6:00PM ET PRN/SIRIUSXM Jun 1 NASCAR Sprint Cup Series Race Dover International Speedway FOX 1:00PM ET MRN/SIRIUSXM Jun 8 Pocono 400 Pocono Raceway TNT 1:00PM ET MRN/SIRIUSXM Jun 15 Quicken Loans 400 Michigan International Speedway TNT 1:00PM ET MRN/SIRIUSXM Jun 22 Toyota/Save Mart 350 Sonoma Raceway TNT 3:00PM ET PRN/SIRIUSXM Jun 28 Quaker State 400 presented by Advance Auto Parts Kentucky Speedway TNT 7:30PM ET PRN/SIRIUSXM
Jul 5 Coke Zero 400 powered by Coca-Cola Daytona International Speedway TNT 7:30PM ET MRN/SIRIUSXM
Jul 13 Camping World RV Sales 301 New Hampshire Motor Speedway TNT 1:00PM ET PRN/SIRIUSXM Jul 27 NASCAR Sprint Cup Series Race Day Indianapolis Motor Speedway ESPN 1:00PM ET IMS/SIRIUSXM
Aug 3 GoBowling.com 400 Pocono Raceway ESPN 1:00PM ET MRN/SIRIUSXM Aug 10 Cheez-It 355 at the Glen Watkins Glen International ESPN 1:00PM ET MRN/SIRIUSXM Aug 17 Pure Michigan 400 Michigan International Speedway ESPN 1:00PM ET MRN/SIRIUSXM Aug 23 Irwin Tools Night Race Bristol Motor Speedway ABC 7:30PM ET PRN/SIRIUSXM
Aug 31 NASCAR Sprint Cup Night Racing Returns Atlanta Motor Speedway ESPN 7:30PM ET PRN/SIRIUSXM
Sep 6 Federated Auto Parts 400 Richmond International Raceway ABC 7:30PM ET MRN/SIRIUSXM
Sep 14 NSCS Race Chicagoland Speedway ESPN 2:00PM ET MRN/SIRIUSXM
Sep 21 Osram Sylvania 300 New Hampshire Motor Speedway ESPN 2:00PM ET PRN/SIRIUSXM
Sep 28 AAA 400 Dover International Speedway ESPN 2:00PM ET MRN/SIRIUSXM
Oct 5 Hollywood Casino 400 Kansas Speedway ESPN 2:00PM ET MRN/SIRIUSXM
Oct 11 Bank of America 500 Charlotte Motor Speedway ABC 7:30PM ET PRN/SIRIUSXM
Oct 19 Talladega 500 Talladega Superspeedway ESPN 2:00PM ET MRN/SIRIUSXM
Oct 26 Goody’s Headache Relief Shot 500 Martinsville Speedway ESPN 1:30PM ET MRN/SIRIUSXM
Nov 2 AAA Texas 500 Texas Motor Speedway ESPN 3:00PM ET PRN/SIRIUSXM
Nov 9 Quicken Loans 500 Phoenix International Raceway ESPN 3:00PM ET MRN/SIRIUSXM
Nov 16 Ford EcoBoost 400 Homestead-Miami Speedway ESPN 3:00PM ET MRN/SIRIUSXM
2014 SPRINT CUP SCHEDULEDate Race/Facility Network Start Radio
Driver Name Car # Car Make Primary Sponsor Team/OwnerA.J. ALLMENDINGER #47 Chevrolet Bush's Baked Beans JTG Daugherty RacingAlex BOWMAN #23 Toyota Dr Pepper BK RacingAric ALMIROLA #43 Ford Smithfield Foods Richard Petty MotorsportsAustin DILLON #3 Chevrolet Dow Chemicals Richard Childress RacingBlake KOCH #35 Ford MDS Transport Front Row MotorsportsBobby LABONTE #52 Chevrolet Phoenix Racing Phoenix RacingBrad KESELOWSKI #2 Ford Miller Lite Team PenskeBrian KESELOWSKI #92 Ford BK Motorsports BK MotorsportsBrian SCOTT #33 Chevrolet Shore Lodge Richard Childress RacingBrian VICKERS #55 Toyota Aaron's Dream Machine Michael Waltrip RacingCarl EDWARDS #99 Ford Fastenal Roush Fenway RacingCasey MEARS #13 Chevrolet GEICO Germain RacingClint BOWYER #15 Toyota Five Hour Energy Drink Michael Waltrip RacingCole WHITT #26 Toyota Swan Energy Swan RacingDale EARNHARDT JR. #88 Chevrolet Army National Guard Hendrick MotorsportsDanica PATRICK #10 Chevrolet GoDaddy.com Stewart Haas RacingDave BLANEY #77 Ford TBD Randy HumphreyDavid GILLILAND #38 Ford Love's Travel Stops Front Row MotorsportsDavid RAGAN #34 Ford Taco Bell Front Row MotorsportsDenny HAMLIN #11 Toyota FedEx Joe Gibbs RacingGreg BIFFLE #16 Ford 3M Roush Fenway RacingJ.J. YELEY #44 Chevrolet Phoenix Warehouse Xxxtreme MotorsportsJamie MCMURRAY #1 Chevrolet McDonalds Chip Ganassi RacingJeff BURTON #66 Toyota MWR Michael Waltrip RacingJeff GORDON #24 Chevrolet Drive to End Hunger Hendrick MotorsportsJimmie JOHNSON #48 Chevrolet Lowe's Hendrick MotorsportsJoe NEMECHEK #66 Toyota MWR Michael Waltrip RacingJoey LOGANO #22 Ford Shell-Pennzoil Team PenskeJohn ANDRETTI #34 Ford Window World Cares TriStar MotorsportsJosh WISE #98 Chevrolet Phil Parsons Racing Phil Parsons RacingJustin ALLGAIER #51 Chevrolet Brandt Turner Scott MotorsportsKasey KAHNE #5 Chevrolet Farmers Insurance Hendrick MotorsportsKevin HARVICK #4 Chevrolet Budweiser Stewart Haas RacingKurt BUSCH #41 Chevrolet Haas Automation Stewart Haas RacingKyle BUSCH #18 Toyota M&M's Joe Gibbs RacingKyle LARSON #42 Chevrolet Target Chip Ganassi RacingLandon CASSILL #33 Chevrolet Shore Lodge Richard Childress RacingMarcos AMBROSE #9 Ford Stanley Black & Decker Richard Petty MotorsportsMartin TRUEX JR. #78 Chevrolet Furniture Row Furniture Row RacingMatt KENSETH #20 Toyota Home Depot/Dollar General Joe Gibbs RacingMichael ANNETT #7 Chevrolet Pilot Flying J Tommy Baldwin RacingMichael MCDOWELL #95 Ford Leavine Family Racing Leavine Family RacingMichael WALTRIP #66 Toyota Aaron's Dream Machine Michael Waltrip RacingParker KLIGERMAN #30 Toyota Swan Energy Swan RacingPaul MENARD #27 Chevrolet Menards Richard Childress RacingReed SORENSON #36 Chevrolet Golden Corral Tommy Baldwin RacingRicky STENHOUSE JR. #17 Ford Zest Roush Fenway RacingRyan NEWMAN #31 Chevrolet Caterpillar Richard Childress RacingRyan TRUEX #83 Toytoa Burger King BK RacingTimmy HILL #37 Ford Poynt.com Rick Ware RacingTony RAINES #40 Chevrolet TBD Hilman RacingTony STEWART #14 Chevrolet Mobil 1 Stewart Haas RacingTravis KVAPIL #32 Ford Ask More - Get More Go FAS RacingTrevor BAYNE #21 Ford Motorcraft Wood Brothers Racing
2014 SPRINT CUP DRIVERS
WWW.SMOKYMOUNTAINSPEEDWAY.COMKing of the Mountain Fall Classic Southern All Stars $5K to winSmoky Mountain Nights of Destruction - Monster Truck ShowRide Truck will be onsiteDemo Derby Both Nights
21 The Roane Readerwww.roanereader.comOCTOBER 2014
Roane County High SchoolAug. 29 7:30 PM at #22 Grace Christian L 7-19 Sep. 5 7:30 PM Scott D L 7-34 Sep. 12 7:30 PM #3 Rockwood W 28-21 Sep. 19 7:30 PM at #7 Alcoa D Sep. 26 7:30 PM at Lenoir City Oct. 3 7:30 PM #1 Knoxville Catholic D Oct. 10 7:30 PM Loudon Oct. 17 7:30 PM Sequoyah Oct. 24 7:30 PM at Sweetwater Oct. 31 7:30 PM at #7 CAK D
Harriman High SchoolAug. 22 7:30 PM Hancock County W 41-14 Aug. 29 7:30 PM at Sunbright W 34-7 Sep. 5 7:30 PM at #3 Rockwood D L 28-42 Sep. 12 7:30 PM at Whitwell L 26-38 Sep. 19 7:30 PM #22 Grace Christian D Sep. 26 7:30 PM Wartburg Oct. 3 7:30 PM #5 Midway D Oct. 10 7:30 PM at #5 Greenback D Oct. 17 7:30 PM at Tellico Plains D Oct. 24 7:30 PM Meigs County D
Rockwood High SchoolAug. 22 7:30 PM at #14 Oneida W 14-13 Aug. 29 7:30 PM Wartburg W 49-6 Sep. 5 7:30 PM Harriman D W 42-28 Sep. 12 7:30 PM at Kingston L 21-28 Sep. 19 7:30 PM Meigs County D Sep. 26 7:30 PM at #11 Oakdale Oct. 3 7:30 PM at #5 Greenback D Oct. 10 7:30 PM Tellico Plains D Oct. 24 7:30 PM at #5 Midway D Oct. 30 7:30 PM #22 Grace Christian D
Midway Green WavesAug. 22 7:30 PM Tri-Cities Christian W 48-7 Aug. 29 7:30 PM at Whitwell W 27-6 Sep. 12 7:30 PM at Hancock County W 47-7 Sep. 19 7:30 PM Tellico Plains D Sep. 26 7:30 PM Sunbright Oct. 3 7:30 PM at Harriman D Oct. 10 7:30 PM at #22 Grace Christian D Oct. 17 7:30 PM at Meigs County D Oct. 24 7:30 PM #3 Rockwood D Oct. 31 7:30 PM #5 Greenback D
Oliver Springs High SchoolAug. 22 7:30 PM Unaka W 27-12 Aug. 29 7:00 PM at York Institute L 0-48 Sep. 5 7:30 PM #11 Oakdale D L 27-50 Sep. 12 7:00 PM at #11 Jackson County L 8-59 Sep. 19 7:30 PM at #14 Coalfield D Oct. 3 7:30 PM at Jellico D Oct. 10 7:30 PM #14 Oneida D Oct. 17 7:30 PM Sunbright D Oct. 24 7:30 PM at Wartburg D Oct. 30 7:30 PM Monterey
08/31/14 vs. Utah State TV Knoxville, Tenn. W, 38-709/06/14 vs. Arkansas State TV Knoxville, Tenn. W, 34-1909/13/14 at Oklahoma TV Norman, Okla. L, 34-1009/27/14 at Georgia * TV Athens, Ga. 12:00 p.m. ET10/04/14 vs. Florida * Knoxville, Tenn. TBA10/11/14 vs. Chattanooga Knoxville, Tenn. TBA10/18/14 at Ole Miss * Oxford, Miss. TBA10/25/14 vs. Alabama * Knoxville, Tenn. TBA11/01/14 at South Carolina * Columbia, S.C. TBA11/15/14 vs. Kentucky * Knoxville, Tenn. TBA11/22/14 vs. Missouri * Knoxville, Tenn. TBA11/29/14 at Vanderbilt * Nashville, Tenn. TBA*Conference Event
2014 ScheduleDate Opponent / Event Location Time / Result
High School Football 2014 Schedule
YOU ARE CONFINED ONLY BY THE
WALLS YOU BUILD YOURSELF
22 The Roane Reader www.roanereader.com OCTOBER 2014
1348 GATEWAY - ROCKWOOD
DAMAGE FREE HAULING
BILLY GRIGSBY, OWNER
354-9957354-9290
Everyone is familiar with the health benefits of tea: it fights cancer, reduces risk of stroke and other diseases, and revitalizes body cells. Yet, after you've drained your delicious cup of tea, you find yourself discarding the used tea bags. Well, don't. You'll be surprised at the number of ways you can reuse these materials. Here’s a number of unique and surprising uses for old tea bags.
10 Unique Uses For Used Tea Bags
1 - Soothe Tired or Injured Eyes - Crying all night over a breakup can result in puffy and red eyes. While regular ice bags would work, a couple of tea bags can do the trick. Soak them in ice cold water then apply over your eyelids, as compresses. The tea will rejuvenate your face, removing the redness and puffiness after a while. This method also works for healing pink eye.2 - Around-The-House Cleaner - Tea can effectively remove grease and grime on mirrors, floors and even linoleum, so why not use your old bags to make a cold brew, then use it as a cleaning solution? Mop your linoleum or wooden flooring with these. Clean your kitchen countertops with it as well. You can use this for unpainted wooden furniture. Just make sure you wipe it thoroughly, so it won't stain.3 - Make"Less Sinful"Drinks - If you're a health junkie, you're definitely very much aware of the unpleasant effects of soft drink and alcoholic bever-ages on your body. To lessen the guilt of consuming these sinful drinks, you can substitute half of it with tea. Soak the used tea bag in hot or cold water again for a few minutes, then get the same amount of soft drink or alcoholic beverage and mix them together. There's less calories and sugar, but the flavor will be improved.
4 - Flavor Your Meat - Meat tastes great when cooked the right way, but when not prepared proper-ly, it can turn out bland, tough and unappetizing. Here's one way of solving that problem: use tea bags (or even leftover tea) to marinade your meat. The sweetness of the drink will add a savory taste to your barbecue.5 - Remove Warts - Warts are icky and unsightly. There are numerous around the house items you can use to remove them. Old tea bags are one example. Soak them in hot water, then put over your wart for 20 to 30 minutes at a time. Make sure you dispose of the tea bag after using it on the wart. You can't say it works as great (or as quick) as vinegar, but it's worth a try!6 - Deodorize Your Place - Tea bags soak in water, but they can also soak in the stuffy and stinky smell of shoes or closets. Place a few unwrapped and unused tea bags on a small platter, then put this inside the closet. If it's shoes, place one bag in every shoe.7 - Give Oral Relief - Got a painful canker sore? It can go away on its own, but if you want to quicken the healing process, soak a used tea bag, then bite down on it. The tea's healing properties will soothe the pain and make the sore go away faster. This method also helps stop a pulled tooth from bleeding.
235 Jackson Square (865) 483-0961Oak Ridge, TN
INTRODUCING
SPARTINA purses and accessories
The Spotted Spaniel
gifts and accessoriesOAK RIDGE, TENNESSEE
Happy BirthdayBobbie Tipton
Oct. 25th
DRYCLEANERSDRYCLEANERS
“If quality counts, count on us!”“If quality counts, count on us!”
Expert Dry Cleaning, LaundryWedding Dresses, DraperiesComforters and Alterations
Go to www.roanereader.com/thephantom PLEASE PROVIDE YOUR NAME, ADDRESS, EMAIL(optional)
and PHONE NUMBER. ANSWERS MUST BE VERY SPECIFIC!!
Entries that fail to provide all this information will not qualify!
ALL CORRECT ENTREES WILL BE ENTERED INTO A SECOND CHANCE DRAWING.
Find this place and WIN a years subscription to The Roane Reader
Answer: Highway 70 going up golf court hill on the left side just past Post Oak Rd.
Betty Edwards
1 = Take your shoe size.2 = Multiply it by 5
3 = Add 50.4 = Multiply by 20.
5 = Add 10146 = Subtract the year you were born.
The 1st digits is your shoe size while the last 2 digits is your age.
Your Shoe Size Can Tell Your AgeTry This And See:
23 The Roane Readerwww.roanereader.comOCTOBER 2014
United States Coast Guard AuxiliaryWATTS BAR GROUP, KINGSTONWhen you join the Auxiliary you could:
Find yourself saving livesBecome an instructor and teach boating safety classes
Train for patrols on the waterEnjoy fellowship with othersAND MUCH MORE!
»»
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FIND OUT WHAT’S IN IT FOR YOU!Call:865.376.4822 or Email:[email protected]
Rockwood Memories
By: Ray ColletWhen I was YoungWhile making my daily trip to the post office recently I drove past
the Old Peterman Building, formerly Bilbrey's Furniture Co. and more recently Yonder Hollow. I remember some of the old radios they have
there. I thought about the first television set that Mom and Dad bought. We had an outside antenna and it would pick up Atlanta. After Knoxville and Chattanooga began to add stations, another antenna was needed. And we had no automatic rotor, it was necessary to turn the antenna while someone watched the TV until the picture got as clear as it was going to. Some of our neighbors bought a piece of colored plastic to cover the screen. The top third was blue, like the sky, and the bottom third was green, like grass. The middle third was red, it was perfect for programs that had scenes of fire trucks riding across someone's lawn on a sunny day. Some people had a lens taped to the front of the TV to make the picture look bigger.And the first time I tasted pizza, it was called "Pizza Pie". When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my
mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that too, it's still the best pizza I ever had.No one ever drove us to soccer practice. Probably because we had never heard of soccer. We never
had a car anyway. I had a bicycle that I bought from Mr. Hickey, a Schwinn that must have weighed fifty pounds and had one speed, SLOW. All newspapers were delivered on foot, or by bicycles. I delivered seven days a week, it cost thirty-five cents a week for the Knoxville News-Sentinel and we got to keep a whole DIME. My favorite customers would give me fifty cents and tell me to keep the change. The least favorite customers were the ones who were never home on collection day.Growin up sure isn't what it used to be was it ? I hear the Statler Brother's song, "Do You Remember
These" every now and then. A few things they left out that I bet most of you remember.How about these--Headlight dimmer switches on the floor, Ignition switches on the dashboard, heaters
mounted on the inside of the fire wall, using hand signals for cars without turn signals, (Is that still on the driver's license test? Remember metal ice trays with a lever ?I am sure most of the guys remember "Butch Wax" and P.F.Flyers. Who remembers the overhead
trolley system that JC Penny's had to carry money from the clerks downstairs to the cashier? And the movies always had newsreels and serials on Saturday. I never did understand why the telephone numbers in some cities went to a couple of letters instead of numbers at the start. I know in Chicago it was Regent-and whatever number. Heck, the letters are numbers. What happened to candy cigarettes? and blow gum cigars? Home delivery milk and bread were going strong for a while. I guess juke boxes, especially the ones at tables and booths are gone forever too. I think I will go in Wal-Mart and ask for Blue Flashbulbs or mimeograph paper. And maybe a new roller skate key. Remember how the FIRE WHISLE would sound a certain number of blows for different sections of
town? One Blow was the center of town, North to Strang, South to Rathburn, West to Wilder, East to Kingston Ave.Two Blows was everywhere East and beyond Kingston Avenue north and south.Three Blows was everywhere West of Wilder including Old Town.Four Blows was North Rockwood beyond Strand.One CONTINIOUS Blow was the hospital....I had an experience the other day that I told the breakfast bunch at McDonald's about and they asked
me to put it in the Roane Reader so here goes.I was washing my car the other day when two young fellows wearing white shirts rode up on their
bicycles. As they dismounted, one asked me if I was a Christian. I thought he was looking for a new family that had moved in nearby named CRISTIANSEN so I told him no, I thought they lived up the street. He said, "No, are you lost ?" I replied,"No I have lived here all of my life." The other one said, "Are you ready for the big day ?" I asked him when was it going to be and he said we don't know. Now I thought he was talking about the Arby's Food Truck coming to Rockwood, so I told him,"When you find out be sure to let me know, me and Nell sure love those roast beef sandwiches." They got on their bikes and rode off. Haven't seen them since.I hope you all enjoy reading this foolishness as much as enjoy telling it...Until next month....remember
if the going gets tough, drink Meta-Mucil...My email address is [email protected] if anyone has a story to share or if anyone is interested in
my book, ROCKWOOD MEMORIES Vol. 2..Sorry Vol. 1 has long been sold out. They are ten bucks and can be mailed to you if you include $2 for shipping. Until next month...Pleasant Memories...Ray...
1. In the city of Yiwu in eastern China, people were confused how a Chinese couple managed to run a busy restaurant 21 hours a day without getting tired. Locals named them “robot couple restaurant”. It turns out the restaurant is run by two couples, both the men and women are identical twins.
2. In 2006, a woman filing for public assistance in the Washington state failed 4 DNA tests to prove maternity of her children. She was taken to court and risked losing custody. It was later discovered that she had absorbed her twin in the womb and her reproductive organs carried different DNA to other parts of her body.
3. The most expensive celebrity picture ever taken is of twins. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt sold the rights for the first images of their twins to People and Hello! Magazines for $14 million. The money went to the Jolie-Pitt Foundation.
4. Twin brothers Jim Lewis and Jim Springer separated at birth and reunited 39 years later lived almost parallel lives. Both were named James, both owned a dog named Toy, both had married twice; first to women named Linda and second to women named Betty. Both drove Chevy's, smoked Salem cigarettes and drank Miller Lite.
5. It is possible for a human to become a Chimera (organism com-posed of genetically distinct cells.) by fusing with his/her fraternal twin in the womb. If it occurs early enough, each twin will claim body parts as his/her own, allowing a single person to be made up of two genetically different individuals.
6. Krista and Tatiana Hogan from British Columbia, Canada are conjoined twin girls who are connected at the thalamus. Do to this, they can hear each other’s thoughts and see through each other’s eyes.
7. In Missouri, two identical twins had sex with the same woman on the same day. She got pregnant and there is no way to tell who the dad is because the DNA test claims both men have over 99% probability that either is the father.
8. Grace and Virginia Kennedy were two twins born in Columbus, Georgia in 1970. Both were neglected by the parents who maintained minimal contact with them and the kids also had no contact with the outside world as they were never schooled until the age of eight. They invented their own complex language to communicate with each other, but because the father couldn’t understand them, he thought they were retarded.
9. If identical twins marry identical twins, their children will legally be cousins, but genetically will be full siblings.
10. In 2011 there were 3 known cases around the world of twins coming from different fathers.
Interesting Stories About Twins
24 The Roane Reader
Clayton Homes Super Store - AthensClayton Homes Super Store - Athens2104 South Congress Parkway
New homes starting at $19,900!!!Single, Double & Modular Homes two, three, four or five bedrooms
sheeting and duct tape to shelter-in-place• Moist towelettes, garbage bags and plastic ties for
personal sanitation
• Wrench or pliers to turn off utilities• Manual can opener for food• Local maps• Cell phone with chargers, inverter or solar charger• Whistle to signal for help • First aid kit
As you are aware, a disaster can happen at any time. Here’s a list of items you need to make sure you’re prepared.
Supplies for Unique Needs
• Prescription medications and glasses• Infant formula and diapers• Pet food and extra water for your pet• Cash or traveler's checks and change• Sleeping bag or warm blanket for each person.
Consider additional bedding if you live in a cold-weather climate.
• Fire extinguisher
• Complete change of clothing including a long sleeved shirt, long pants and sturdy shoes. Consider additional clothing if you live in a cold-weather climate.
• Matches in a waterproof container • Feminine supplies and personal hygiene items• Paper and pencil • Mess kits, paper cups, plates, paper towels and plastic
utensils
• Books, games, puzzles or other activities for children• Household chlorine bleach and medicine dropper –
When diluted, nine parts water to one part bleach, bleach can be used as a disinfectant. Or in an emergency, you can use it to treat water by using 16 drops of regular household liquid bleach per gallon of water. Do not use scented, color safe or bleaches with added cleaners.
Once you have gathered the supplies for a basic emergency kit, you may want to consider adding the following items:
In any emergency a family member or yourself may suffer an injury. If you have these basic first aid supplies you’re better prepared to help when they are hurt.Knowing how to treat minor injuries can make a difference in an emergency. You may consider taking a first aid class, but simply having the following things can help you stop bleeding, prevent infection and assist in decontamination.
• Two pairs of Latex or other sterile gloves if you are allergic to Latex
• Sterile dressings to stop bleeding• Cleansing agent/soap and antibiotic towelettes• Antibiotic ointment• Adhesive bandages in a variety of sizes
• Scissors• Tweezers• Tube of petroleum jelly or other lubricant• Eye wash solution to flush the eyes or as general
decontaminate• Thermometer
• Burn ointment• Prescription medications you take every day such as in-
sulin, heart medicine and asthma inhalers. You should periodically rotate medicines to account for expiration dates. •Prescribed medical supplies such as glucose and blood pressure monitoring equipment and supplies
26 The Roane Reader www.roanereader.com OCTOBER 2014
SiteAdmin O�ceRolling AcresFairmont
Phone865-376-2308865-882-0808865-882-8737
Mid-East Head Start is taking Childrens' Applicationsfor the 2013/2014 Program Year
P.O. Box 790Kingston, TN 37763www.mecaa.net
Mid-East Community Action Agency
Head Start is an early childhood federal program that promotes the school readiness of children ages birth to five from income eligible families by enhancing their cognitive, social, and emotional development. We also serve pregnant women and their families
To complete an application or to get information please call the Fairmont Center in Harriman at 865-882-8737 Monday-Wednesday
Mid-East Community Action AgencyRoane and Loudon Counties
Early Head Start/Head Start/PreK
Mid-East Community Action Agency does not discriminate on the basis of national origin, sex, disability or age in its programs, activities or employment.
SiteAdmin O�ceRolling AcresFairmont
Phone865-376-2308865-882-0808865-882-8737
Mid-East Head Start is taking Childrens' Applicationsfor the 2013/2014 Program Year
P.O. Box 790Kingston, TN 37763www.mecaa.net
Mid-East Community Action Agency
Head Start is an early childhood federal program that promotes the school readiness of children ages birth to five from income eligible families by enhancing their cognitive, social, and emotional development. We also serve pregnant women and their families
To complete an application or to get information please call the Fairmont Center in Harriman at 865-882-8737 Monday-Wednesday
Mid-East Community Action AgencyRoane and Loudon Counties
Early Head Start/Head Start/PreK
Mid-East Community Action Agency does not discriminate on the basis of national origin, sex, disability or age in its programs, activities or employment.
SiteAdmin O�ceRolling AcresFairmont
Phone865-376-2308865-882-0808865-882-8737
Mid-East Head Start is taking Childrens' Applicationsfor the 2013/2014 Program Year
P.O. Box 790Kingston, TN 37763www.mecaa.net
Mid-East Community Action Agency
Head Start is an early childhood federal program that promotes the school readiness of children ages birth to five from income eligible families by enhancing their cognitive, social, and emotional development. We also serve pregnant women and their families
To complete an application or to get information please call the Fairmont Center in Harriman at 865-882-8737 Monday-Wednesday
Mid-East Community Action AgencyRoane and Loudon Counties
Early Head Start/Head Start/PreK
Mid-East Community Action Agency does not discriminate on the basis of national origin, sex, disability or age in its programs, activities or employment.
Amateur astronomers come to Tamke-Allan Observatory the 1st & 3rd Saturday of each month all year long,inviting the public to join them to observe the stars.
For more info: www.roanestate.edu/obs or contact David Fields at 865-927-5155 or [email protected] for details.
The Tamke-Allan Observatory is located on Caney Creek Road - turn left onto Keller Road (near the TWRA boat
launch area) and the road to the observatory is on the left.
Every 1st & 3rd Saturday all year long. Public is welcome!
poem or short story you’ve written? Send it to us at
197 Shady Dr. Harriman, TN 37748,
and we’ll print it!
A 10-year-old goldfish in Australia is recovering from life-saving surgery to remove a brain tumor.George underwent the high-risk procedure after being placed in a
bucket of ice water that contained anesthetic."George had a quite large tumor on the top of his head that was
growing slowly, and it was beginning to affect his quality of life," said Dr. Tristan Rich, who performed the operation.Rich fed a tube containing oxygenated pond water and anesthetic
into George’s gills to keep him sedated and alive throughout the delicate procedure. The doctor then used tissue glue, a substance commonly used on human patients, when sutures would not hold George’s scaly covering.Following the 45-minute operation, George was given antibiotics
and painkillers and placed in a bucket of clean water for recovery. Rich told Melbourne’s 3AW radio station that the patient was “up and swimming around” on Monday.Experts say the $200 procedure may have bought George another
20 years of life.
-- An adult should always accompany trick-or-treaters on their candy rounds.
-- Ensure your child’s costume is flame-resistant.
-- Costumes should be brightly colored so as to be easily seen. If not, add reflective tape to the front and back of the costume.
-- Use a flashlight. Your child will both be able to see and be seen by others.
-- Remove any mask or headwear item that could limit eyesight before crossing a street or driveway.
-- Stay in well-lit areas and only approach homes with a porch light on.
-- Use the sidewalk, if available, and cross the street as a group in established crosswalks or intersections.
-- Never let your child enter a stranger’s home or vehicle for a treat.
-- No treats should be eaten until they are thoroughly checked by an adult at home. It is always better to consume packaged treats.
-- Notify police immediately of any suspicious or unlawful activity.
-- Homeowners: In preparation for trick-or-treaters, make sure your front porch and pathway are clear of hazards, such as fallen leaves, flower pots and hoses.
Halloween safetyGoldfish Has Surgery
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy. When it’s in your best interest-practice obedience. Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory. Take naps and stretch before rising. Run, romp, and play daily. Thrive on attention and let people touch you. Avoid biting, when a simple growl will do. On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass. On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree. When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body. No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout run right back and make friends. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough. Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you’re not. If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
If a dog were your teacher you would learn stuff like…
Happy Birthday
Nancy Taylor
Oct. 7th
Q. Why was the cat worried?A. Because there was a catastrophe!
——————————————————————What does a dog wish for?
A. A wishbone——————————————————————-
Q: When is the vet busiest? A: When it’s raining cats and dogs.
——————————————————————-Q: What happened when the dog ate his owner’s watch?
A: He got a lot of ticks.——————————————————————-
Q: What is a baseball dog? A: One that catches flies, chases fowls, and dashes for home when
he sees the catcher.——————————————————————
Q: Why did the dog sit in the shade A: because he didn’t want to be a hot dog
Animal Jokes
27 The Roane Readerwww.roanereader.comOCTOBER 2014
Outreach ProgramWalnut Hill Church's mission is reaching the lost and helping people in need.
The Outreach program needs items donated to make them available to needy people in our area.
Outreach Leader at 865-590-7192 or 865-308-9283.
Clothing - all sizes
Shoes
Socks
Shampoo
Soap
Tooth brushes
Toothpaste
Underclothes
and other items
Stamps & Cards
School Supplies
Back Packs
Clothes Hangers
Clothing - all sizes
Shoes
Socks
Shampoo
Soap
Tooth brushes
Toothpaste
Underclothes
and other items
Stamps & Cards
School Supplies
Back Packs
Clothes Hangers
Please pray for the Outreach program.
Let God lead us in everything we do.
The people who get the items will be screened and records will be kept to assure the program is used in the right way.
Now forming classes for abused women
This fellow is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his backyard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various saws.
The dealer tells him, "Look, I have a lot of models, but why don't you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of-the-line model. This chainsaw will cut a hundred cords of wood for you in one day."
So, the man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees. After cutting for several hours and only cutting two cords, he decides to quit. He thinks there is something wrong with the chainsaw. "How can I cut for hours and only cut two cords?" the man asks himself. "I will begin first thing in the morning and cut all day," the man tells himself.
So, the next morning the man gets up at 4 am in the morning and cuts and cuts, and cuts till nightfall, and still he only manages to cut five cords.
The man is convinced this is a bad saw. "The dealer told me it would cut one hundred cords of wood in a day, no problem. I will take this saw back to the dealer," the man says to himself.
The very next day the man brings the saw back to the dealer and ex-plains the problem. The dealer, baffled by the man's claim, removes the chainsaw from the case. The dealer says, "Hmm, it looks fine."
Then the dealer starts the chainsaw, to which the man responds, "What's that noise?
Free Breakfast & Coffee! Early Registration Friday, October 17th
7:00 - 9:00 PM at Ladd Landing
$50 entry per boat. (fee required at registration) Big Fish $10 optional. Trophies & Prizes: 1st place $500 Guarantee. Pay-out based on entry fee. Largest Bass Special prize for most unusual catch! Rules *TWRA size/limit. * Five fish limit for each boat. * One lb. penalty for dead fish & late weigh in. * Start time is contingent upon safelight. Sponsors Bunch Marine Patterson Appliance Jerry’s Bait Shop Caney Creek Tackle Harrison Sporting Goods EZ Troll Tackle G & G Enterprises
Contact: 865-376-6041 www.kingstonfbc.org Lee Turpin 466-4561
Sponsored by New Providence Baptist Church & First Baptist Kingston
www.roanereader.com28 The Roane Reader OCTOBER 2014
Every Tuesday Celebrate Recovery meets at 6 pm atKingston First Baptist Church.
It's a faith based program for anyone with a hurt, habit, or a hang-up.Everyone is welcome!
Celebrate Recovery!
SUNDAY SCHOOL10:00 AM
SUNDAY SERVICE11:00 AM
WED. BIBLE STUDY 7:00 PM
1607 Webster Rd. Harriman, Tn 37748
If you’re not advertising in
The Roane Readeryou’re probably losing money.
Call us at 865-882-9340 for
the best advertising rates around.
www.roanereader.com
This comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in).
•In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
•Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
•Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
•The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.
•Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
•Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleav-ened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
•The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.
•The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
•Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
•The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
•David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
•Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
•When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
•When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
•Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
•Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone."
•It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
•The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
•One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
•St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
Kids explaining the BibleOctober 4th, 2014 12pm to 8:15pm 3rd Annual New River Fall Festival Classic Car Show: $10.00 car show entry fee first 30
www.roanereader.com 29 The Roane ReaderOCTOBER 2014
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Distributed into 4 counties and the World Wide Web @ www.roanereader.com
Pet’s PageYou think my tail wagging is an invitation to pet me more. Italian researchers found that dogs wag their tails slightly to the right when they see something they like and to the left when they’re confronted with something they want to back away from.
You might buy any old dog-grooming brush at the pet store... ...but you should really pick the right one for my coat. A rubber brush will promote circulation and loosen dirt. A bristle brush removes dead hair.
Your favorite cat game to play with me involves a laser pointer. I get really frustrated because I can’t catch it, and I live for the hunt. If you’re going to use a pointer, please sub in an actual toy at the end so I have something to catch and kill. It makes the game worth it.
You’re giving me too much food.How can you tell? I don’t seem motivated by food treats when you’re trying to train me. Cut back, and I’ll start to pay attention.
Grooming day means you bring out the big blow-dryer. Don’t! To make dogs like me look fluffy, shake a little cornstarch into the base of the fur and then brush. It will absorb oil and grease and detangle matted fur.
Please don’t rush me when I’m going to the bathroom. There’s a reason dogs circle around before getting down to busi-ness: We have an instinct to be aligned with the earth’s magnetic field before we poop. In fact, researchers watched 70 of us engage in 1,893 defecations over a two-year period just to figure this out.
You may think it’s nice to let me sleep all day, but too much nap time can affect my personality. A lot of behavioral problems can be solved by just taking your dog on a daily walk or by playing with your cat for 20 minutes every day.
Things you’re furry friendmay be thinking...
In light of the rising frequency of human – grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field.
We advise that outdoors-men wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren’t expecting them. We also advise outdoors-men to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity.
Outdoors-men should recognize the difference between black bear & grizzly bear excrement. Black bear excrement is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear excrement has little bells in it and smells like pepper.
* I will not eat the cats’ food, before or after they eat it. * “Kitty box crunchies” are not food. * The computer’s mouse is, unlike a real mouse, inedible. * I will not eat the disposable diapers, especially the dirty ones. * I will not play tug-o’-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the
toilet. * I will not eat any more socks and then re-deposit them in the
backyard after processing. * I will not chew my human’s toothbrush and not tell them. * I will not chew crayons or pens, ‘specially not the red ones so my
people will think I am dying. * I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. * I will not wake Mommy by sticking my cold, wet nose in her ear. * I will not jump through the open car window and into the fast food
restaurant, no matter how good it smells. * I will not throw up in the car. * I will not bite the officer’s hand when he reaches in for Mom’s
driver’s license and car registration. * When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down
when it’s raining outside. * I must shake the rainwater out of my fur *before* entering the
house. * I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who
is sitting on the toilet. * I will not steal my Mom’s underwear and dance all over the back
yard with it.* The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad’s laps. * We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on
TV. * I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under
the coffee table. * My head does not belong in the refrigerator. * I will not roll my toys behind the fridge. * The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
Mrs. Broomfield’s dishwasher quit working, so she called a repairman. He couldn’t accom-modate her with an evening appointment, and since she had to go to work the next day, she told him: “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwash-er, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you the check. By the way, don’t worry about my Rottweiler. He won’t bother you. But, whatever you do, do not under any circumstances talk to my parrot!”When the repairman arrived
at Mrs. Broomfield’s apartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Rottweiler he had ever seen. But, just like she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business. However, the whole time he was there, the parrot drove him nuts with his incessant squawking and talking. Finally the repairman couldn’t contain himself any longer and yelled: “Shut up, you stupid bird!”To which the parrot replied:
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OCTOBER 2014
Evergreen St.Harriman, Tn
501
37748Serving 4 counties with 7,500 issues distributed monthly
www.roanereader.com 31 The Roane ReaderOCTOBER 2014
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Name Address PhoneA & C Cleaners 1000 Ladd Landing Kingston, Tn 37763 (865) 376-4589Anytime Fitness 1226 S Roane St, Harriman, Tennessee 37748 (865) 590-7429
B & M Wrecker Service 1348 Gateway Rockwood, Tn 37854 (865) 354-9957 (865) 354-9290
Bobs Burgers 3209 Roane St. Highway Harriman, Tn 37748 (865) 882-5300Christmas Lumber Co. 101 Roane St. Harriman, Tn 37748 (865) 882-2362Clayton Homes (Athens) 2104 S. Congress Parkway (423) 745-4752Cochran's Tax and Bookkeeping 230 South Roane St. Harriman, Tn 37748 (865) 882-8556Coldwell Banker Glenda Johnson 410 N. Kentucky St. Kingston, Tn 37763 (865) 376-2121 (ext.102)
(865) 591-6900 Copeland's of Kingston 104 Martin St. Kingston, Tn 37763 (865) 376-6766Credit Central 705 South Roane St. Harriman, Tn 37748 (865) 882-1324Eagle Mart 909 Georgia St Harriman, Tn 37748 (865) 882-6265Eddies Body Shop 514 Emory St. Harriman, Tn 37748 (865) 882-6474Fraker Funeral Home 1445 Kingston Hwy, Kingston, Tn 37763 (865) 717-7727Grasscutters 160 Country Club Dr. Rockwood, TN, 37854 (865) 250-3656
Guinnbilt Portable Buildings Harriman Area (865) 882-5309 (865) 804-4400
Harriman Home Center 707 Old Roane St. Harriman, Tn 37748 (865) 882-3931Harriman Jewelry 509 N. Roane St. Harriman, Tn 37748 (865) 882-4000Hester's Body Shop 210 Franklin St. Kingston, Tn 37763 (865) 376-1949Hugh Russell Motors, LLC 1007 Ruritan Rd. Harriman, Tn 37763 (865) 882-1165Huxford Automotive 211 N Roane St. Harriman, Tn 37748 (865) 882-3007Hwy 29-A Motors Inc 1403 Ruritan Rd Harriman, Tn 37748 (865) 882-6462Jamestowne 851 Lawnville Rd Kingston, Tn 37763 (865) 376-3030Jerrys Used Furniture 2744 Roane State Hwy. Harriman, Tn 37748 (865) 882-3603Johnny Appleseed 3081 Roane State Hwy. Harriman, Tn 37748Joes Mowing (865) 223-3090Junior's Restaurant 214 W. Rockwood St. Rockwood, Tn 37854 (865) 354-2802KARM Stores 1496 N. Gateway Ave Rockwood, Tn 37854Kims Laundry Service Harriman Area (865) 809-8993Kingston Express Lube 306 Kentucky St., Kingston, Tn 37763 (865) 717-8288Kittrell's Kitchen 1190 Gallaher Rd. Kingston, Tn 37763 (865) 376-3060Logs to Lumber 150 Columbus Dr. Lenoir City, Tn 37771 (865) 986-4264Machine Quilting Kingston Area (865) 882-9070Memory Lane Antiquates 507 N. Roane St Harriman, Tn 37748 (865) 230-9944Midtown Florist & Gifts 2744 Roane State Hwy. Harriman, Tn 37748 (865) 882-3603Patti Savage Designs 715 N. Kentucky St Kingston, TN 37763Radio 580-AM 319 West Rockwood St. Rockwood, Tn 37854 (865) 250-6718Realty ExecutivesBrenda Chapman 3232 Tazewell Pike Knoxville, Tn 37918 (865) 688-3232
Renos Sporting Goods 430 N. Roane St Harriman, Tn 37748 (865) 882-2450Roane Skating Center 1230 N. Gateway Ave. Rockwood, Tn 37854 (865) 354-2107
Robert James & Associates 615 River Road Kingston, Tn 37763 (865) 376-4925 (800) 530-5700
Rockwood Village Apartments 601 S. Chamberlain Ave. Rockwood, Tn 37854 (865) 354-3945S.L. Bowman & Sons 521 N. Front St. Rockwood, Tn 37854 (865) 354-0600Scott McCluen Attorney at Law Harriman Area (865) 388-0017
Seal Coat Specialist Harriman Area (864) 640-1654 (865) 223-3976
Senator Ken Yager 6 Legislative Plaza Nashville,Tn 37243 (615) 741-1449Sextons Automotive Group 269 S. Roane St. Harriman, Tn 37748 (865) 882-2416Shelton Financial Protection 166 Marney Cove Rd. Kingston,Tn 37763 (865) 376-0321Shepherd Plumbing Roane County Area (865) 354-8518Southeast Auto Sales 104 Thomas Dr Harriman, Tn 37748 (865) 882-0110Spot Café 427 N. Roane St Harriman, Tn 37748 (865) 882-6676Tellico Propane 1375 Monterey Road Loudon, TN 37774 (865) 408-9050 The Original Chimney Sweep Co. (865) 203-8184Traughber Insurance & Financial Svcs, Inc. 420 Ruritan Rd Harriman, Tn 37748 (865) 882-1900
U.S. Coast Guard Auxiliary 1220 Bowman Bend Rd. Harriman, Tn 37748 (865) 376-4822Victorian Square Assisted Living 241 S. Chamberlain Avenue Rockwood, Tn 37854 (865) 354-1133
Walnut Hill Outreach Program (865) 590-7192(865) 308-9283
Upcoming Events
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