OLIVER CROMWELL AND THE BOYS (a musical)danielcurzon.com/images/OLIVER_CROMWELL_complete.… ·...

OLIVER CROMWELL AND THE BOYS,

or No Mince Pies

— a musical by Daniel Curzon and Dan Turner

CHARACTERS: (doubling is possible in minor roles; 15 for cast)

JOSHUA HALSTEAD, 40s, a Puritan manufacturer of firearmsRUTH HALSTEAD, 40s, his wifeSETH HALSTEAD, 20, their sonJUDITH HALSTEAD, 17, their daughterKING CHARLES I, 40s, the king of EnglandOLIVER CROMWELL, 40s, leader of the Puritans and then Lord ProtectorCounselorLord Burleigh, an economic adviser to the kingExecutionerFrench DirectorInventorAttendants, Aides

Collected Plays of Daniel Curzon

Adulterous WifeHer HusbandHereticThree Irish PrisonersCitizens as Chorus

SETTING: In and around London, 1648. One platform to serve as scaffold.

ACT I, SCENE 1

(The HALSTEAD family is kneeling in prayer in the king’s garden as the play begins.)

(They sing:)

A PURITAN PRAYER

Lord, if Thou care,Please hear our prayer.

Look to Thy simple folk.And ease the tyrant’s yoke.

Lord of this sphere,We are sincere.

Since we are mild,We are reviledEvery day . . .

Take all our burdens away.

Oliver Cromwell and the Boys

God, though they fault us,God, won’t Thou lift and exalt us!

Now that —Blood has been shed,

Mercy is dead,Swords of the king unsheathed —

Thy faithful barely breathe.

Hear our request.They have transgressed.

If it’s thy willThat we be killed

Any hour . . .Then we shall kneel to Thy power.

God, though they fault us,God, won’t Thou lift and exalt us!

One sweet day . . .

(The family rises.)

JOSHUA Now, remember, we mustn’t scrape and bow to him just because he’s a king! Let’s speak right up. Once he realizes we’ve come all this way to see him in person, I’m sure he’ll give me my business back.


JUDITH I hope you’re right, Father.

SETH He can’t go on persecuting us like this. It’s not right!

RUTH Dear Lord, thank you for my husband and my children! . . . Shall we call to the king now? He may not know we’re here.

SETH What if he doesn’t like what we say and decides to punish us, or even kill us?

(Flamboyant KING CHARLES enters with a short whip, wearing a hawking band on his arm and looking for his hawk in the sky when he stumbles across the HALSTEADS.)

KINGCHARLES What’s this we see? Puritans in our garden! Get out! Get out of our

private garden! (He snaps the whip at them.)

JOSHUA But this is public land,


Sire. This isn’t your garden!

KING CHARLES All of England is our garden. Out with you!

JOSHUA Your Majesty, we are your subjects. We are loyal to the king!

KING CHARLES Why do you tell us the obvious?

JOSHUA We fear your wrath, yet we must speak!

KING CHARLES Just one bit of advice: if you can’t say something nice with your tongues, then don’t stick them out at all!

RUTH Your Majesty, we are simple, plain folk. Have you no place in your heart for us?


KING CHARLES Probably not! (taking it back) Oh, we suppose we do! Our heart is as big as our empire.

RUTH Then will you listen to our petition?

KING CHARLES Well, since we’re here! We do try. We’re not trying to be a bad king, God knows.

RUTH I’m sure that God knows, Sire.

KING CHARLES Well, what is it you want to say? We were testing our new hawk, and we’d like to get back to it before it dies of old age. Where has it flown to? (He looks around.) Well, what is it?

(JOSHUA is a bit tongue-tied.) RUTH It’s my husband, Your Majesty. His manufacturing business is in danger


because you have given a monopoly to one of your favorites.

KING CHARLES So?

RUTH We cannot make a decent living if you will not let him manufacture his goods!

KING CHARLES Well, our friends at court have to make a living too, you know! Nag! Nag! After a while, you have to give them something!

RUTH But, Sire, it isn’t fair to give something to a few people. That way you have only the very rich and the very poor.

KING CHARLES We know, we know! It’s not what we’d like, believe us. We hate seeing beggars sticking out their runty little hands near the


palace. Do you know that they actually steal meat from our

hounds!

SETH Don’t ruin my father just to help your friends. Help us, Your Majesty, please!

JUDITH We pray that you will help us.

(She falls to her knees. Then the other three kneel.)

KING CHARLES Oh, get up! You don’t have to pray to us. We have the divine right, of course, but we’re not divine ourselves. Not bad, just not divine! This all seems very irregular, we must say. Common folk petitioning us! We don’t know how to handle this, and we’re not afraid to say so, either! SETH Isn’t there something you can do?


KING CHARLES We’ll take it up with Parliament.

SETH But you’re not talking to Parliament. At least that’s what we’ve heard.

KING CHARLES Oh, that’s right! Yes, they can sit on their rumps until they get bumps. Or turn to

stumps. Or get the mumps! . . . They’re nothing but frumps! Hey, we rather like that

— it’s poetry, don’t you think?

JOSHUA (pressing: on) I wrote your majesty a letter, but I got no reply.

KING CHARLES Do tell! You can’t expect us to sit around reading letters all day, can you? Do something we can understand!

JOSHUA Like what?

KING


CHARLES Well, don’t nag — that’s the first thing! Tell us a joke — and maybe we’ll make you

a knight, if we crack a rib laughing.

JOSHUA I’m afraid I don’t know any jokes.

KING CHARLES How dreary. Can’t you at least try?

SETH Did you hear the one about the king and his spaniel?

KING CHARLES We don’t think we’re going to be amused by that one! Have you others? (The HALSTEADS confer, but cannot come up with a joke.) Not a single joke among you? Oh, these Puritans! No wonder we have so few of you around. Well, tell us some good news then. Have we defeated Spain or anybody lately?

JOSHUA I’m not sure, Your


Majesty.

KING CHARLES How about some gossip then?

JOSHUA About whom, Sire?

KING CHARLES Anybody! How about one of our mistresses?

JOSHUA I’m afraid I’m very far from the court, Your Majesty.

KING CHARLES (to RUTH) How about you? Know any good morsels? About our wife?

RUTH I couldn’t say even if I knew, Your Majesty.

KING CHARLES What a bunch of good-goodies! Here you are expecting favors from our largesse, and what do you give in return?


SETH We pay high taxes.

KING CHARLES Don’t start on that. Just don’t start!

JUDITH My father and mother work very hard. They help make England rich.

KING CHARLES (bowing) England thanks you!

JUDITH Then you’ll stop the monopoly so my father can go to work again?

KING CHARLES We simply can’t have all this familiarity! You’re not treating us like your monarch. We’re not your chum!

JOSHUA What would you have us do, Sire?

KING CHARLES Flatter us or something!

JOSHUA Flatter you?


KING CHARLES We shouldn’t have to ask! Try it! Some people like to flatter, you know. (The HALSTEADS confer, trying hard to come up with a compliment.) Well, it can’t be that hard to find one little compliment!

(The HALSTEADS separate, with JOSHUA getting ready to give a compliment.)

JOSHUA Your Majesty!

KING CHARLES (pretending he doesn’t know what’s coming) Yes?

JOSHUA Here’s a compliment for you.

KING CHARLES For us? Oh, you shouldn’t have! What is it?

JOSHUA (hesitantly) We think . . . that you are . . .


KING CHARLES Go on, go on.

JOSHUA . . . are . . .

KING CHARLES We’re waiting!

JUDITH (taking over) We think you’re the greatest king we’ve ever had . . . since . . .

KING CHARLES Oh, really? Since when?

JUDITH (awkwardly) Since the last king.

KING CHARLES Is that the best you can do?

SETH Let me try.

KING CHARLES Our patience is not infinite!

SETH Well, you’re one of the tallest kings England has ever had. And you have more hawks and hounds than any other king. And you’re —


KING CHARLES Young fellow, we’re afraid you’re not getting the hang of it.

JOSHUA Your Majesty, please don’t make us flatter you. We’re not used to it.

KING CHARLES You people wouldn’t last one day at court!

JOSHUA (some anger creeping in) Perhaps we were not made to cringe and flatter, sir!

KING CHARLES Heigh ho, what’s this we spy! A peasant angry with his king?

JOSHUA I’m not a peasant. I’m a burgher, and a man of some accomplishment!

KING CHARLES You don’t say! A burgher! (snickers)

JOSHUA I merely want to be able to practice my business and my faith


without interference. Is that too much to ask?KING CHARLES Probably!

JOSHUA At least give us religious freedom! We don’t need priests and bishops. Let us worship as we see fit!

KING CHARLES What do you think would happen to our realm if we let everybody worship any way they wanted to? We’d have chaos! Anabaptists and Papists and atheists underfoot everywhere you looked! If the Church of England is good enough for us, then it’s good enough for you!

RUTH But the doctrines of the Church of England have been corrupted.

KING CHARLES Bite your tongue, woman! Who are you to say? Who are any of you to say?

RUTH We must go by our


consciences. That’s all we know.

JOSHUA We are not Papists and atheists. We’re good, decent Protestants to the core!

KING CHARLES We’re a Protestant, you’re Protestants. Why can’t we just let it go at that?

JOSHUA It’s a matter of our souls!

KING CHARLES Can’t you bend a little bit? A teensy-weensy?

JOSHUA It’s something deep within.

KING CHARLES That’s merely indigestion! We’re beginning to think this unscheduled royal audience is over. (Threatens them with his whip.)

RUTH Oh, no, Sire!

KING CHARLES Decisions! All the time decisions! Why us? We didn’t ask to be


a king!

(He sings:)

ROYAL COMPLAYNTS

Noble vexations get no consolations.We get no comfort, for we are a king.Being mighty! Finding time for high

tea!We must worry all day long!

Drinking wassail in a drafty castle.We are thankful we are strong!

Regal afflictions really are not fictions.No one feels sorry, though we are

oppressed.Sometimes heads need offing! Then

there’s siring offspring!We must chat with those who bore!

Not temperamental, we’re monumental —

And endure the poor!

(The HALSTEADS sing:)

Royal misfortunes come in large proportions.

He gets no pity since he owns a throne.Wearing tons of satin! Learning Greek

and Latin!


He must wear that [his crown] on his head!

Not autocratic, just ‘ristocratic,Waving till he’s dead! [CHARLES

waves like a monarch.]

(KING CHARLES sings::)

Ah, ah! No one ever cares.Ah, ah! No one knows the snares.

Ah, ah! No one ever sharesThe sorrows of the well-born!

(The HALSTEADS sing, mocking him:)

Ah, ah! No one quite despairs.Ah, ah! No one puts on airs.Ah, ah! No one ever daresExactly like the well-born!

(KING CHARLES sings::)

Noble exertions lead to class aspersions.Where is compassion for your wretched

king?

JOSHUA It seems we all have our problems, Your Majesty. Do you think you might do something for us now?


KING CHARLES No! Get away! There’s nothing we can do! Get out! (He chases them away with the whip.) Here, hawk! Where is that foul fowl!

(KING CHARLES exits, looking for the hawk.)

SCENE 2

RUTH Tired, dear? (JOSHUA nods.) We’re almost home.

JOSHUA I don’t think I have the strength. (He sits down, melancholy.)

RUTH Of course you do! (Sits beside him, comforting him.)

JOSHUA What’s the use?

RUTH Now that’s no way to talk. It’s just a temporary setback. The Lord is on our side, so we’ll have to win eventually.


JOSHUA Do you really think so?

RUTH Certainly.

JOSHUA (hugging her) You’re a wonderful woman, Ruth. I don’t know what I’d do without you.

RUTH To be honest, I don’t know, either!

JOSHUA You’ve been my rod and my staff.

RUTH We’ve both been lucky. Think of all our friends — arguing night and day — but we’ve been together for twenty-one years with no disputes.

JOSHUA It seems like only a few months.

RUTH Now you don’t have to flatter me. After all, we are not the king! (Strikes a pose mocking King Charles.)

JOSHUA I’m telling God’s own


truth, my darling wife!

RUTH Oh, you’re so good, Joshua. (Pecks him on the cheek.)

JOSHUA We can do better than that. (Takes her in his arms and kisses her fully.)

(SETH and JUDITH applaud.)

RUTH (breaking away) We’ve got spectators!

JOSHUA Lord knows, we’ve got to show them how it’s done! SETH I think we already know!

JOSHUA Even Judith?

RUTH Not yet.

JUDITH (naive) What are you talking about? (The others snicker at her, especially the men.)

RUTH (putting an arm around Judith’s shoulder) Now, now, we mustn’t make fun of the girl. She and I are going to


have a little talk one of these days.

JUDITH A talk about what?

RUTH No use hurrying these things. All in God’s good time.

JOSHUA (knowingly) I’ve already had a talk with Seth, haven’t I? The way a father should.

SETH (knowingly) Yes, Father!

JOSHUA So, Judith, you listen to what your mother has to tell you, when the time comes, and you’ll turn out to be as good a woman as she is.

JUDITH (mystified) Well, why don’t you all just tell me now? (The others laugh.) I don’t understand what’s so funny!

RUTH It’s all right, daughter. In time I will tell you all you need to know about being a woman. Then you’ll marry happily, the way I did.


JOSHUA I can see her as a bride already.

JUDITH (worried) Already?

RUTH Hush now, it all comes together. Don’t fret about it.

JOSHUA I’m going to wish you the greatest luck I know how to wish anybody, Judith.

JUDITH Yes? JOSHUA I wish you a marriage that’s as happy as the one I share with your mother.

SETH I’ll drink to that! (The others react with disfavor.) With a glass of milk, of course!

JUDITH It must be wonderful to be so much in love.

RUTH It is, dear. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted.

(JOSHUA sings::)

OUR LOVE


Our love is blessed.Each day it revives.Our love isn’t idle,

For it’s vital and it thrives.

(RUTH sings::)

No love’s untroubled.That’s no source of shame.

Our love’s not the freshest —Precious all the same.

(BOTH sing:)

We have a home and a big featherbed.And we have God up above.

We have a larder and our daily bread,And we have children to love!

(JOSHUA sings::)

We must be thankful,And secure love fast.

Two souls intertwiningKeep enshrining love so vast.

(BOTH sing:)

Our love is blessed.Each day it survives.


Our love isn’t waning,Still sustaining, guiding both our lives!

SETH But what are we going to do about the king?

JOSHUA I don’t know.

SETH Well, I know! I’ve got plans.

JOSHUA What are you talking about?

SETH I’m not going to wait around merely praying that the king will change his ways. Some of us are going to make certain he does!

RUTH Seth, what is this?

SETH Didn’t you see what happened? We got to talk to the king himself and nothing came of it. We come back home with our tails between our legs, like four of his whipped hounds.


JOSHUA But you can’t talk treason?

(CROMWELL appears in the distance.)

SETH Not only talk it!

RUTH Seth!

SETH I want you to meet someone. (as if a signal) Oliver Cromwell!

SCENE 3

CROMWELL (coming closer with the CHORUS as supporters) Well? Was I right about the king?

SETH You were.

CROMWELL When there’s no mind there to begin with, how can it change?

SETH We’ve been patient long enough!


CROMWELL I like your spark, boy. But don’t underestimate the king. We must make sure that when he falls he truly falls. A viper that’s merely wounded is twice dangerous.

RUTH What’s going on here?

CROMWELL Rest assured, m’am, that the day is coming when England will no longer feel the tyrant’s heel on her neck.

SETH And Oliver will be king!

CROMWELL Now, now, I’ve never said I wanted to be king.

SETH You’d make a wonderful king!

CROMWELL All I want is for my country to have a government that cares about its citizens — just once! Down with favoritism and special


interests!

JOSHUA What if the king or his men hear this talk?

CROMWELL You can’t work because the king has robbed you of your livelihood. You can’t pray without being harassed. What more will it take before you decide to do something about it? Do you want your son taken into the king’s army and your daughter made some nobleman’s concubine?

(RUTH grabs JUDITH protectively.)

RUTH Surely the king isn’t that bad!

CROMWELL You’ll soil your knees with petitioning. You’ll walk two dozen miles to request your rights in slavish mumbles. But you won’t act to get what should be yours


already. I marvel at this weak-livered approach to life!

JOSHUA But if the king falls, the country will be in chaos. He’s the legitimate ruler of the nation.

CROMWELL And if the king does not fall, Brother Halstead, the country will be in tears. When a monarch abuses his powers, it’s not only the right of the citizens to remove him from their backs, it is their duty!

RUTH But what authority gives us this right?

CROMWELL The authority of justice! God may have anointed King Charles, but God has changed His mind.

RUTH Joshua, I think we’d better leave. This is not for the likes of us.

JOSHUA Perhaps you’re right. Perhaps some other time, Mr. Cromwell.


CROMWELL (sings::)

ARISE

There’s no future like the present.Make a change. Don’t be a peasant.

If you people will not do it,Who the devil will?

If you want to go on workingWhile your ‘betters’ go on smirking,

Keep on munching scraps of suet,Though they make you ill!

Keep on cooking meals from nothing —Bones and water for your stew!Fill yourself with tasty stuffing.

Candle wax is good to chew!

I need your help. Awake from slumber!I need your help. Come fight with me!I need your help. We can outnumber!

I need your help. We must be free!

People stand around and wait,Doing what they’re told.

Only way to shape the newIs to shake the old!

(CROMWELL and CROWD sing:)


I need your help. Awake from slumber!I need your help. Come fight with me!I need your help. We can outnumber!

Arise and be free!

(CROWD sings::)

Arise and be free!

JOSHUA You can count on me, Mr. Cromwell!RUTH And me.

SETH You know you can count on me!

CROMWELL (seeing that JUDITH does not join in) What about you, young lady?

JUDITH I . . . I don’t know yet.

SETH Judith! You can’t let Mr. Cromwell down!

JUDITH Let me think about it.

CROMWELL Don’t think about it so long that you all starve to death!


RUTH She’s just a young girl. She shouldn’t have to be worrying about things like this.

JUDITH It isn’t that I don’t want to think about them! It’s just that —

CROMWELL Judith, victory belongs to those who act.

JUDITH Sometimes so does defeat.

SETH Oh, never mind her! Let’s go make our plans to bring down the king.

CROMWELL Let’s indeed make plans. But this revolution won’t succeed unless we have the help of our womenfolk. Judith, won’t you come with us?

(She doesn’t answer.)

RUTH Judith, we needn’t get involved in any violence.


(JUDITH shakes her head no.)

CROMWELL No? Well, come then. Let us make our plans without the assistance of your nevertheless charming daughter.

(CROMWELL, JOSHUA, SETH, and RUTH exit. JUDITH stays behind.)

RUTH (calling) Judith?

JUDITH (calling) I’ll catch up with you later!

(She is alone. She gets a cage from nearby, with her pet dove inside. If a real dove is not possible, a stylized, non-realistic facsimile can be used. A dancer could play the dove, too.)

It’s not that I’m disagreeable. Only I want to know what I’m agreeing to. I love

my father and mother, and my brother, I suppose. But


does that mean I should go along with

everything they say?

(RUTH returns.)RUTH Judith, are you all right?

JUDITH Nothing is wrong.

RUTH Don’t you want to walk with us? Don’t worry. I know what you’re going through. JUDITH You do?

RUTH We all go through these crises. It’s part of growing up.

JUDITH I don’t think I want to hear that.

RUTH Why not?

JUDITH If I’m going to have problems, I’d at least like them to be special, my own, not exactly like everybody else’s!

RUTH (taking her in her arms) Oh, my darling child, you have too


much pride!

JUDITH But I’m serious. Who wants to think she’s just one of thousands!

RUTH The man that gets you is going to have his hands full.

JUDITH (being provocative) Perhaps I shouldn’t marry then!

RUTH But of course you’ll marry.

JUDITH Why bring any man so much misery?

RUTH You’ll come around. You’ll come around. I’m not worried about you.

JUDITH That’s because I’ve always done what I’ve been told.

RUTH And what do you suppose you’ll do if you don’t marry, would you deign to tell me that? Perhaps you’ll become a serving wench? Or a scullery maid?


JUDITH I could be — I could be — a player! An actor!

RUTH (scandalized) An actor! Your father would die of shame.

JUDITH I didn’t say I was going to be a bad actor.

RUTH Women do not appear upon the stage! The men who do are bad enough! Do you know what kind of girl would want to?

JUDITH No, Mother, I don’t. What kind?

RUTH I don’t want to talk about it.

JUDITH Then how am I ever to know?

RUTH Judith, my dear child, I have always tried to speak openly with you. As females, we have opened our hearts to each other more than we ever can with our men folk. At the same time I haven’t


filled your head with lascivious thoughts or impossible hopes, and I did that deliberately because I love you. I love you and don’t want to see you hurt.

JUDITH I’ve heard there are women actors in France. Maybe I could go there.

RUTH That wicked country! You wouldn’t!

JUDITH Who knows? It isn’t that far. Just across the Channel. My dove could probably fly there!

(She sings::)

TAKE FLIGHT

Take flight, O spirit!Take flight, old friend,

Across the fair, full sky to France.Lift your splendid wings

And see what Heaven brings.


Dare to cross the great expanse.

Take flight, dear fellow!Take flight, my soul,

Across the silken sea to France.Cool that beating heart.

And then you must depart.Free yourself to take the chance.

Fly — — — — — — — — — — — — — dove!

My — — — — — — — — — — — — — my love!

Someday I’ll join you,Someday I will —

Together in that other land.Though my hopes are high,

I still must learn to fly.Perhaps a cloud will come,

Perhaps a cloud will come one dayAnd flutter me away!

Fly — — — — — — — — — — — — — dove!

My — — — — — — — — — — — — — — my love!

RUTH Do you know what happens to women actors in France?


JUDITH Tell me!

RUTH They get the pox!

JUDITH What’s that?

RUTH You don’t want to find out. If you marry, there’ll be no trouble. There’s purity with one man.

JUDITH But why can’t I know what the pox is?

RUTH I know what’s best. You’ll be a bride — who hasn’t forgotten how to blush. Then you’ll be a wife and live a life of gentleness. Later there will be children. They’ll keep you busy — believe me!

JUDITH Look, Mother! (meaning the dove) She wants out.

JUDITH (sings::)



Across the fair, full sky to France!

(She releases the dove from the cage.)

Go, my darling. Be free!

RUTH Oh, Judith! (She shakes her head.)

SCENE 5

(Enter KING CHARLES and COUNSELOR.)

COUNSELOR But, Your Majesty, Her Majesty the Queen insists on seeing you!

KING CHARLES (obviously not busy) We’re too busy.

COUNSELOR Are you ready to hold court, Sire? The Ambassador from Zauritania is waiting to see you.


KING CHARLES Where’s Zauritania? Don’t we own it?

COUNSELOR No, Your Majesty.

KING CHARLES Oh yes, now we remember! Such ungrateful wretches, those Zauritanians. We keep offering them British citizenship, and they keep resisting our troops!

COUNSELOR Shall I send in the Ambassador, Sire?KING CHARLES No, let him wait. They like to wait, you know. Makes them feel oppressed and thus important. Who else is waiting?

COUNSELOR Lord Burleigh is here — about the manufacturing monopoly you granted him last week.

KING CHARLES Oh, drat, I hope


something isn’t wrong already! Well, send him in!

(The COUNSELOR goes out and returns with LORD BURLEIGH.)

BURLEIGH Most Gracious Majesty, thank you, thank you for taking the time to see me!

KING CHARLES Don’t get your hopes up, Burleigh. Have you made any money for our treasury yet? Our royal percentage?

BURLEIGH Not as much as we had hoped, Sire. Some of the citizens are objecting to the monopoly.

KING CHARLES We know. We keep up! We ran into one of those ourselves. What do you suggest we do about it?

BURLEIGH If they would only give the monopoly a chance, we would


all benefit. As soon as it’s in full operation, money will begin to trickle down to the lower orders, just as nature intended, and I said it would.

KING CHARLES Well, we can’t wait forever. We have soldiers that have to be paid. Those dreadful Irish are acting up again! When will those people stop fighting back! Wars cost money!

BURLEIGH We thought possibly Your Majesty could make some public appearances, lending your personal authority to the monopoly on munitions.

KING CHARLES Burleigh, did we or did we not sign a decree giving you control over that entire industry?

BURLEIGH You did, Sire.

KING


CHARLES They want a stable government, but they won’t want to pay for what they’ve got! Costs money to pay judges and counselors and build roads and capture and prosecute highway-men. And Holland is threatening our territories again! Do the people want to lose those!

BURLEIGH We can change the economy, Sire, if we only get the chance. All these little private businesses are inefficient. Every cottage — KING CHARLES Oh yes, oh yes, but don’t tire us with all that. You’re making us yawn. Whatever you do, don’t make us yawn!

BURLEIGH Yes, Your Majesty.

KING CHARLES (sings:)

ECONOMICS

Economics is so boring!


We can hardly keep from snoring!Used to have insomnia

Although we counted sheep.But with just one word from you

We fall right off to sleep!

Economics is so boring!

(BURLEIGH sings:)

Even though it needs exploring!

(KING CHARLES sings:)

Ministers come running inWith all the latest poop.

Though we try our very best,Our eyelids always droop!

(CHORUS and BURLEIGH sing:)

Stock certificates — andFiscal benefits — and

Promissory notes — andMoney market quotes!


Interest rates and paritiesAre clearly not our style.

Let the world belong to those


Who love the mercantile!

Economics is so boring,Something we’ll keep on ignoring.

(KING CHARLES and CHORUS sing:)

Liquidations, bankruptcies —Business in arrears,

Mortgages and overdrafts — theyDrive us straight to tears!

Moving decimals,Noting how the market falls!

Having 1’s to carry —Anything fiduciary

Makes us climb the walls!

BURLEIGH Your Majesty, I realize that you dislike certain topics, but our kingdom does depend on those of us who do take an interest.

KING CHARLES You’re trying to make us feel guilty! Well, we don’t! So shut up!

BURLEIGH If you would do nothing more than order the people not to riot


that would be something. KING CHARLES They wouldn’t riot anyway. Don’t be silly, Burleigh!

BURLEIGH Already several wagons have been set on fire in front of this very palace. KING CHARLES No! Well, the nerve of that scum!

BURLEIGH Nobody’s grateful anymore! You give them everything and what do they give you in return?

KING CHARLES Well, what do you suggest we do? Not that we’re necessarily going to follow your advice, remember.

BURLEIGH You could order your troops to shoot a few, as a warning to the rest.

KING


CHARLES That sounds dreadful!

BURLEIGH A king who is afraid to act will not remain king for very long, if I may be blunt, Sire.

KING CHARLES And what will history say of us if we shoot our own people?

BURLEIGH What will history say if your people should overthrow their king?

KING CHARLES (with each sentence rising in fear) They couldn’t. They wouldn’t dare. They’re not likely to, are they? Do you know something we don’t?

BURLEIGH All I know is that you must do something drastic or the lower orders are sure to rise and mutiny.

KING CHARLES Why does it have to be us? We didn’t ask to be king. It was thrust upon us as a tiny


lad. It’s easy for people to say something should be done. But knowing what is quite another matter.

BURLEIGH Have you decided, Your Majesty?

KING CHARLES I have. I mean we have!

BURLEIGH And?

KING CHARLES (grandly) We will create a monopoly on all manufactured goods! BURLEIGH Ah . . . Ah . . .

KING CHARLES (mocking him) You don’t say!

BURLEIGH The constabulary may have trouble controlling the citizens, Sire.

KING CHARLES (a sudden light) We know! We’ll make the people pay a fee for rioting! What a


positively ingenious idea, don’t you think?

BURLEIGH Well, I’m not sure . . .

KING CHARLES Of course it’s a wondrous idea! First, everyone will have to pay our treasury to manufacture anything. Then troublemakers will have to pay some more to protest about it. We think it’s a perfectly grand idea!

BURLEIGH There may be nothing left for the middle orders of the kingdom, Sire, except crumbs.

KING CHARLES Well, then, let them eat crumb-cake!

(He exits grandly.)

SCENE 6

(Lights up on the HALSTEADS. RUTH and JUDITH are


knitting or embroidering. SETH is sitting idly, while

JOSHUA is pacing.)

JOSHUA I’m going crazy!SETH So am I! I want to work!

JUDITH Then help us. (Offers)

JOSHUA That’s not men’s work!

JUDITH It’s work nevertheless.

SETH We’d be doing men’s work if it weren’t for the goddamned king!

RUTH Hear now, Seth, there’ll be no talk with those words!

SETH The kind deserves worse than a few words leveled at his head! Once Mr. Cromwell gets his troops organized, you’ll see some changes around here!

JOSHUA The king fined me for trying to run my own business in the shed behind! He fined me for attending a rally in front of Parliament! Next he’ll fine me for going to the


privy in private!

RUTH I don’t know what’s come over you men! Such talk!

JOSHUA But it’s not good for me and Seth to be cooped up here, Ruth. You must know that. JUDITH It’s good enough for mother and me?

SETH You like it.

JUDITH Do we?

JOSHUA Don’t you?

JUDITH Perhaps I could earn a living — for all of us.

SETH You?

JUDITH Yes, me. We’re going to need money soon, aren’t we?

JOSHUA But you’re just a child.

JUDITH I have a plan. (She looks at RUTH, who shakes her head no, but JUDITH goes on


anyway.) I’m thinking of becoming an actress!

JOSHUA A what?

JUDITH I’ll go to France and become an actress and send you money.

JOSHUA You’ll do no such thing! SETH My sister will never have to sell herself like, I promise you that!

JUDITH But I want to go!JOSHUA I’d rather see you starve first!

SETH So would I!

JUDITH But I don’t want to starve! I want to act.

RUTH From what I’ve heard, if you become an actor you may very well do both. So let’s just forget that little dream, Miss.

JUDITH So what are we supposed to do? Sit around?


JOSHUA Mr. Cromwell will come up with a plan.

SETH Very soon!

JOSHUA I don’t know what’s delaying him! (He paces.)

JUDITH Well, we’re waiting!

JOSHUA Judith, hold your tongue. What’s come over you of late?

JUDITH I just want to help buy some food! We don’t have very much left. Have you looked in the larder?

JOSHUA No, we don’t, you’re right. And the king doesn’t even care. Our worries are not real to him!

(JOSHUA sings::)

STARVE

People fear deprivation.Why be scared — mere starvation!

Can’t they see the way it is?Hunger has advantages!


Ah yes,Can you not guess?

Some will say they are dying.We can tell they are lying.

We must never be too grim.Hunger keeps our bodies slim!

Ah yes,Why this distress?

Starve,What if we starve?

Be at peace. Death is not that vile.If you try, you can find a smile.

For when you dine with skeletons,They are always full of grins!

Ah yes,Let’s do no less.

. . . Starve,What if we starve . . . ?!

SCENE 7

(Enter OLIVER CROMWELL, alone.)

CROMWELL The king must die. And I must be the one to kill him. The


time is proper. The people will support

me. I may be king myself . . . But what is my conscience

saying? Is it possible I’m killing the king not so much for the people as for . . .

Is it for power? I must be honest with myself. What do you say, dear God in

Heaven? Am I doing the right thing? Please send a message so that I will know

what to do. (Looks up to Heaven.) I know I am overthrowing the duly anointed

king of England. What will people say of me? Dear God, please assist me!

I want my conscience to be clear. Tell me what to do! (Waits, hears nothing.)

Nothing? I must not stand around and wait.

CROMWELL (sings::)

MOVERS AND SHAKERS

History is not opaque.


Movers move and shakers shake.Thinkers think,But doers do.

Till they’re through,They never blink.

If we sit around and wait, thinking till we’re numb,

You can bet your spreading arse nothing will get done.

Privilege and greed offend.Government is quite depraved.Avarice and crime must end.British honor must be saved.

(Will I be just like them? Just like my foes?

Will I bring misery, more woes?)

(CHORUS sings:)

History is made to quake.Movers move and shakers shake.

Builders buildWhile thinkers think.

They get killedWhile they think.

(CROMWELL sings:)


If we always bow our necks, turn the other cheek,

Yes, the world’s inherited — but not by the meek!

(CHORUS sings:)

Privilege and greed offend.Government is quite depraved.Avarice and crime must end.British honor must be saved.

(CROMWELL sings:)

(But people are so dense, no more than mules.

Can’t see the obvious. What fools!I mustn’t think too much. My brain is

wracked.Away with all this thought.)

(CROMWELL and CHORUS sing:)

It’s time to act!

CROMWELL Dear Heaven, please send me a sign! (He notices a bloodied dove — the audience should see that it is Judith’s. He picks it up.)


What’s this? Was it once a dove? It looks like another bird killed it. A dove! Oh no, the sign of peace! (knowing he’s manipulating the meaning) Or is it that peace has been killed? Yes, that’s an omen for war if ever I saw one!

(He tosses the dove aside and exits.)

SCENE 8

(JOSHUA enters to SETH in their house.)

JOSHUA Have you see your sister, Seth?

SETH Isn’t she in the kitchen?

JOSHUA No. And your mother hasn’t seen her either.

SETH You look worried, Father.

JOSHUA I’ve never seen Judith like


this before.

SETH You don’t think she really means what she said about running away to France, do you?JOSHUA I can’t believe she’d do that!

(JOSHUA and SETH look at each other, agreeing that JUDITH must indeed have

run off.)

SETH How dare she! How dare she!

JOSHUA It’s my fault. I didn’t warn her enough.

SETH Yes, you did, Father.

JOSHUA She has no idea what she’s getting into. The theater is a wicked place! The people there are immoral. They flaunt themselves. And curse! And fornicate!

SETH They show crimes upon the stage and give people ideas about


violence and sex! They teach youngsters how to do their worst. They create a hunger for everything that God condemns!

JOSHUA Instead of praying, people watch immorality and adultery!

SETH Profanity! Obscenity!

JOSHUA And blasphemy! Rascals and whores! The seat of diseases and plagues! (to audience) People in the pit smiling and meeting for God knows what purposes. The theater is rife with lice! I don’t know how Judith heard about that wicked place. We closed the theaters in ‘42!

SETH I think she’s a nasty, ungrateful girl! And it’s best we forget about her, off in France, doing vicious, indecent things!

JOSHUA Oh, my poor daughter! Poor, lost, lost Judith!


(JOSHUA and SETH put their heads down in sorrow. JUDITH enters happily, carrying

some yarn.)

JUDITH You called, Father?

JOSHUA (startled) I thought you had run away!

JUDITH I went for some yarn from the Widow Hessley.

JOSHUA (grabbing and hugging her) Thank God, you’re safe! I was worried for you!

JUDITH Worried?

SETH You should have told us where you were going! How thoughtless!

JUDITH I’m sorry, but I don’t really know what I did that was so wrong!

JOSHUA I’ll never let you out of my sight again.


JUDITH Father, what’s come over you?

JOSHUA (sings::)

HUG YOUR CHILDREN

Have you hugged those you love,Given some signs thereof?

Parents, caress while you may,Or they’ll go astray some summer.

Have you hugged every one?Shown them how it is done?

Then look, and you will beholdThat when you are old, they’re with you.

They won’t grieve you.They won’t leave you.Hug them, clutch them.You must touch them.

(JUDITH sings::)

Take flight, O Spirit!Take flight, old friend,

Across the fair, full sky to France.Lift you splendid wings

And see what Heaven brings.Dare to cross the great expanse.


Fly — — — — — — — — — — — — — dove.

My — — — — — — — — — — — — — — love!

(JOSHUA sings:)

Hug them, clutch them.You must touch them.

JUDITH Oh, to be singing to an audience. It must be wonderful to be able to use my voice, for there is no singing here, no singing here!

JOSHUA But, Judith, you are allowed to use your lovely voice at home, just not in public.

JUDITH I know it sounds awful, but know what I’d like to do — sing in church!

JOSHUA In church! Judith, why are you being so cruel to me? Have I hurt you in some way? Haven’t I been a good father to you?


JUDITH Yes, a wonderful father.

JOSHUA Then why do you persist in saying these things?

JUDITH I know I shouldn’t wish for such pleasures, but I do! I dream of a life upon the stage. To be somebody beautiful! And special! I dream about living across the sea, in a distant land — where my dove has gone!

(JUDITH stares toward the audience to where France would be. JOSHUA and SETH

sing with her in harmony:)

(SETH sings::) (JOSHUA sings::) (JUDITH sings::)

Some will Hug them. Fly — — — — — dove.

Grieve you. Clutch them. My — — — — — — love!

Some will You must

Leave you! Touch them!


(JUDITH exits, dreamy.) JOSHUA (shaking his head) I don’t know what I’m going to do with her.

SETH She’ll wind up with a baby. That’s what will happen to her!

RUTH (entering) Joshua, Mr. Cromwell is here to see you!

JOSHUA See to Judith, will you?

RUTH Is she still pining for that dove?

JOSHUA Talk to her, Ruth.

(RUTH nods, shows CROMWELL in and exits after JUDITH.)

CROMWELL I’ve had a revelation from God! An omen. It’s clear that the Lord wants us to attack King Charles now.

JOSHUA We’ve been waiting for word. Is everything ready?


CROMWELL Parliament is about to denounce the king.

JOSHUA People will be killed. I wonder if we should . . .

CROMWELL Yes, they will be killed — and some of them may be us. I hope you’re not hesitating, Brother Halstead. How can we hold our heads up and call ourselves men? Do you wish to go on kissing the king’s . . . hand?

JOSHUA I hesitate only because we don’t know what havoc we may wreak upon our nation. (looking off where JUDITH and RUTH have gone) Or upon our families.

CROMWELL I likewise have known indecision, but now is our moment! Down with his royal arrogance! Say it!

JOSHUA D —

CROMWELL Say it!


JOSHUA (quietly) Down with the king.

CROMWELL That’s it, man. You’ve said it. Now say it so that it will change your very life!

SETH Yes, father!

JOSHUA Down with the king.

CROMWELL Louder!

JOSHUA (louder) Down with the king!

SETH (loudly) Down with the king!

JOSHUA and SETH DOWN WITH THE KING!

CROMWELL I think I hear the king trembling already!

SETH To arms! To arms!

CROMWELL Let us collect our thoughts and proceed wisely. Our troops


will arrest his Royal Personage. Charles will be tried — and found guilty, no doubt! Let us go with dignity. But now, at last, let us go!

(JOSHUA and CROMWELL exit.)

SETH (trying to rouse the audience) Come on. Down with the king! Down with the king! Down with the king! Down with the damn king! (When he can’t rouse them, he waves his hand dismissively.) What rabble! (He exits.)

SCENE 10

(Enter RUTH to JUDITH.)

RUTH May I speak with you?

JUDITH Of course.

RUTH You have upset your father.


JUDITH I know.

RUTH Why do you annoy him? Why do you annoy me?

JUDITH Because I want something you don’t want me to have.RUTH How old are you now, Judith, seventeen? Do you know what I wanted when I was seventeen?

JUDITH No.

RUTH I wanted to be a preacher.

JUDITH Really? You never told me that before.

RUTH I never mention it. And do you know why?

JUDITH Why?

RUTH Because it was a foolhardy thing to want. I had no ability as a preacher.

JUDITH But did you try? Really try?


RUTH I gave a sermon once, to my family.

JUDITH And?

RUTH I was adequate.

JUDITH But once you had practiced more —

RUTH There was no need to practice. My mother pointed out what the Bible says about

the matter, and that settled it.

JUDITH What does the Bible say?

RUTH “Women should be silent in the churches.”

JUDITH (daringly) Well, maybe the Bible doesn’t know everything!

RUTH How dare you! (She slaps JUDITH, who begins to cry.) Don’t you see where these thoughts are leading


you? Judith, I have lived many more years than you.

Would I want to deceive you? I just want to save you from pain.

JUDITH I guess you do, Mother.

RUTH How many young girls have gotten notions like this into their silly seventeen- year-old heads and gone off, making their way by wagon and cart to the cities or even to foreign countries, and what happens to them? They do not become actors and singers! No, they become whores! I won’t hold back the words — not here, where the men can’t hear us. Judith, men pay these women money and fling themselves on their bodies, and their bodies become cesspools. And when they get beaten up and abused and lose their youth and beauty, what happens to them? Are they actors


then? Do find folk in fine silks come to see them in fine theatres then? Of course they don’t! They laugh at them. “Get off the stage, you old hag!” they shout. “Get off the stage and make way for someone younger, something beautiful. Get off, you old whore!” That’s what I want to save you from, Judith. Are you going to be one of the endless stream of stupid girls who get nothing for their dreams, when you could marry well and be secure for the rest of your life, and then go to Heaven because you have lived a good life? What are a few years in France compared with eternity? Can there be any question which is the proper choice?

(JUDITH is silent.)

You can do as you see fit, of course. I cannot make you do what I want. It has to


be your decision.

JUDITH Aren’t there at least a few people who get what they want? One or two?

RUTH That’s the end of it, Judith!

JUDITH Then I’ll have to say goodbye. (She takes out a satchel from a hiding place.)

RUTH You’ll do no such thing. Sit down!

JUDITH I’m leaving.

RUTH So you had your mind all made up — no matter what I said.

JUDITH I’ve got to go.

RUTH I guess I should have saved my breath. Well, go then! Go!

JUDITH May I have your blessing?

RUTH Here is my blessing, Judith: if you go, don’t come back!


JUDITH I must go, Mother, with or without your consent.

RUTH (turning her back) Then go. I have said all I intend to say.

JUDITH Goodbye then.

(She starts to leave, then returns, gives her mother a quick kiss on the cheek, but

RUTH does not acknowledge it, stands stiffly.)

Goodbye, Mother.

(There is no reply from RUTH, and JUDITH slowly leaves. Only when JUDITH is gone, does RUTH finally turn, too late.)

RUTH Judith! (no reply) Judith!

RUTH (sings:)

HUG YOUR CHILDREN


When you’ve hurt those you’ve reared,Garnered all that you’ve feared,

Then there is nothing to say.Whatever the day, it’s winter.

When life woos them,You will lose them!

SCENE 11

(Enter JOSHUA, SETH to RUTH in a hurry, accompanied by CROMWELL.)

JOSHUA (to RUTH) The king is about to fall!

SETH Mother, victory is close at hand!

RUTH (quietly) That’s good to hear.

CROMWELL Come, Mrs. Halstead, surely you can be more enthusiastic than that.

RUTH I’m afraid I can’t, Mr. Cromwell.


JOSHUA It’s what we’ve we waiting for! Parliament has voted to dethrone the king. The monarchy itself is about to be overthrown! England will never be the same again!

RUTH (indulgently) Yes, dear.

SETH They’ve asked Oliver to be Lord Protector!

RUTH (faintly) Congratulations, Mr. Cromwell.

CROMWELL If I may say so, m’am, you don’t seem as excited by the prospect as I am. Don’t I have your trust?

RUTH The world goes on pretty much the same in the kitchen no matter who’s in power, Mr. Cromwell.

CROMWELL But your husband’s manufacturing business will be restored! The king’s terrible monopolies will end!


RUTH Let’s hope that is so, Mr. Cromwell. Let’s hope that is so. (She exits.)

CROMWELL (to JOSHUA) Your wife seems melancholy.

JOSHUA She’s a good woman, but inside there’s a streak of sadness I don’t understand.

CROMWELL What she needs is a change.

CROMWELL (sings:)ARISE (reprise)

There’s no future like the present.Make a change. Don’t be a peasant!

If the people will not do it,Who the devil will?

(Exit CROMWELL, JOSHUA, and SETH.)

SCENE 12


(Enter KING CHARLES, with his hands bound, with guards.)

KING CHARLES Is this any way to treat a monarch? We really should have gotten better guards!

(Shows his bonds.) But are we distressed? They wouldn’t behead us! Deep down

inside we’re basically a nice person. Oh yes, we have our moods. But don’t you all?

We’re just a simple man trying to earn a living.

KING CHARLES (sings: to the GUARDS and CHORUS:)

We truly think it quite uncivilTo start a silly civil war.

We aren’t the sort who’d stoop to snivel.

(GUARDS and CHORUS echo:)

Snivel!

(CHARLES sings:)

Now do you think the top should swivel,



Swivel!

(CHARLES sings:)

And give you everything you ask?Attacks on us were so much drivel.

(GUARDS and CHORUS:)

Drivel!

(CHARLES sings:)

For ruling you was such a task!Oh, we’re the prey of circumstances!We’re really not that much a snob.

Have you not heard of second chances?Like another job?

(No response from GUARDS or CHORUS.)

We truly think it quite uncivil


Civil!

(CHARLES sings:)


The way you pushed us off the throne.You can’t expect a king to shrivel.


Shrivel!

(CHARLES sings:)

Can’t we expect at least a loan? (No response.)

We’re very close to irritated.


‘Tated!

(CHARLES sings:)

For standing here among the dregs.To think that one who’s promulgatedHas been reduced to one who begs!Oh, how will you get on without us?Why won’t you end this rigmarole?

Who gave the mob the right to rout us?Please review it?

We eschew it!

(GUARDS and CHORUS echo, not knowing the meaning of the word:)


Eschew it?

CHARLES (sings:)

We won’t do it!(Spoken): A king) on the dole!

(Enter CROMWELL, JOSHUA, SETH, RUTH to KING CHARLES, GUARDS and

CHORUS.)

CROMWELL Well, Your Majesty, it looks like the time has come. (Gestures to scaffold.)

KING CHARLES No need to rush this sort of thing.

CROMWELL Oh, we wouldn’t want you to be in an agony . . . of indecision. KING CHARLES We should’ve had a higher estimation of you, Cromwell, but we confess we always thought you rather a dull clod.


CROMWELL Well, we all make mistakes, Your ex-Majesty. Shall we?

(CROMWELL escorts KING CHARLES to the steps of the scaffold. The rest of the

players are upstage behind the scaffold, facing the audience.)

KING CHARLES (walking up the steps) If you cut off our head, it’s final, you know. If you change your mind, it won’t grow back!

CROMWELL So I’ve heard.

KING CHARLES You may want us later.

CROMWELL I think we’ll risk it.

(CROMWELL and KING CHARLES reach the top of the scaffold.)

KING CHARLES (Looking up, trying to delay things) It looks like it might rain!


CROMWELL No, it’s a perfectly lovely day, don’t you think?

(The EXECUTIONER, in a black hood, appears.)

Have you two met?

KING CHARLES (very formal) How do you do?

(The EXECUTIONER grunts.)

KING CHARLES (to CROMWELL) May I say one last word?

CROMWELL Of course.

KING CHARLES (facing the CROWD upstage, who heckle him throughout) All we want to say is

that we have tried to be a good king. We have tried to control taxes and high prices and poor wages and tried to provide occupations for


many in our realm, and if we have failed, it is because people expect far, far too much from us! (Boos, etc.)

CROMWELL Is that all, Your Majesty?

KING CHARLES Perhaps someone could read the Bible to me, as a comfort. CROMWELL (taking out a Bible) Any particular passage?

KING CHARLES How about the whole thing?

CROMWELL (smiling) Some there are who might think you are trying to delay the execution.

KING CHARLES What nonsense! We’ve always been very religious. Begin with the Old Testament — Chapter1, Verse, and read slowly. I like to savor the words.


CROMWELL We only have time for a short passage, King Charles.

KING CHARLES Oh, well . . . (a last-ditch effort to save himself) My father was responsible for that translation, you know!

CROMWELL (reading as the EXECUTIONER arranges KING CHARLES on the block, with

head upstage, out of sight) “The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures.” (once KING CHARLES has his neck on the block) Comfortable, Charles?

KING CHARLES (from the block) As well as can be expected!

CROMWELL (to the CROWD) With this act, a whole new era in this land will begin! Do I have


your approval?

(The CROWD cheers.)

KING CHARLES (lifting his head) Make that one nay — just for the record!

CROMWELL It shall we duly noted, Your Highness. Your Soon-To-Be-Ex Highness.

CROMWELL and KING (sing:)

A LOVELY DAY FOR A BEHEADING

(CROMWELL sings:)

It’s such a lovely day for a beheading.The sky is rare,

And even ravens sing.It’s such a lovely day for a beheading,

‘Specially if you are a king!

(KING CHARLES stands and sings:)

It’s such a nasty day for a beheading.The sky is drear.

So even vultures wait.It’s such a nasty day for a beheading.


Why don’t we procrastinate?

(CROMWELL and CHARLES sing:)

We mustn’t linger here, my friend.We both have chores to do.

Some simple things we can’t put off!Kindly let me plead with you,

Without much more ado,And go headlong before folks scoff!

(CROMWELL sings:)

It’s such a perfect day for a beheading.The axe is sharp.

There is no need to mull.

(CHARLES sings:, puts his head back on the block:)

It’s such a vulgar day for a beheading.And we’re sure the axe is —

(The EXECUTIONER swings. The sound of the falling axe is heard. A pre-arranged head drops to the ground near the CROWD.)

CROMWELL (to the audience) Dull? (He smiles.)


BLACKOUT

END OF ACT I

ACT II, SCENE 1

(Enter CROMWELL triumphant at court, with JOSHUA, RUTH, SETH, and CHORUS.)

CROWD (ad lib) Hail, Cromwell! Hail, Cromwell! Hail, Cromwell!

CROMWELL (on high platform) Thank you, thank you, my friends!

CROWD Speech! Speech! Speech!


CROMWELL I’m afraid we haven’t prepared a speech.

CROWD Speech! Speech! Speech!

CROMWELL Well, perhaps just a few spontaneous remarks. (He takes out a speech. CROWD applauds.) We want to welcome you all to our inauguration. The king has fallen at last!

CROWD (ad lib) Hooray! Long live the new king. Long live the new king!

CROMWELL No, no, we have no desire to be your king!

CROWD (ad lib) King! King! We want Cromwell! We want Cromwell! We want

Cromwell!

CROMWELL (calming them) No, there’s going to be a whole new kind of government.

Tyranny is dead! All the


excesses of former days will be wiped out!

CROWD (ad lib) Hooray! Yea! At last! Etc.

CROMWELL As your Lord Protector, we promise to bring a spirit of renewal to our

beleaguered nation. We promise vigor in business and jobs for those who

want to work! (Applause.) There will be cuts in taxes! There will be money

for our army and navy so that England will once again have first priority in

the esteem of all the realms of this world! (Applause.) Yet do not believe for a

moment that we care only about Mammon. Oh no, our thoughts must always be on higher things — on morality and immorality! (Applause) For too long this country has wallowed in


the mire, with filth and hedonism running amuck! As your Lord Protector, we will see to it that goodness, not the devil, gets its due! Let us make a list of what we don’t want in this land any longer! (Applause)

Remember the good days when there were no vagrants, and useless wastrels wandering about our cities and our countryside! Let’s put them all to work!(Applause.) And while

we’re at it, let’s stop those troubadours and minstrels

who prey on innocent bystanders, singing worldly songs and riling up the

passions. And a stricter observance of the Sabbath! No walking about frivolously

on the Lord’s day. No alehouses or taverns shall be open. For that should be a

time for prayer and


study! (Applause.)

And last, but certainly not least, we must not forget — the Maypole!

(The CROWD gasps.)

Yes, the Maypole — the symbol of everything that’s lustful and sinful and lewd! No more of that! People indulging themselves in . . . in . . .

(The CROWD leans forward, eager to hear what.)

Never mind!

(The CROWD is a bit let down.)

And let’s cut out all this pagan festivity. Christmas is the birthday of our Savior.

There is no need for worldly celebrations! Especially no mince pies!

CROWD PIES?


(There are groans and sighs of distress.)

CROMWELL (sings:)

SIN AND PIES

No more sin! No more sin!Discipline! Discipline!

You can end! You can endGluttony! Lechery!


No more sin! No more sin!Wickedness! Viciousness!

(CROWD sings:)

O, sir, must there be decrees?O, sir, can’t we have some ease?

(CROMWELL sings:)

Prayer and fasting I advise — andNo more sinful Christmas pies.

If you tread on Satan’s path,Then you deserve your Maker’s wrath!

(CROWD sings:)


O, sir, just some marmalade of quince — and

O, sir, simple little pies of mince.

(CROMWELL sings:)If you are unclean ones,

You will burn with demons!

(CROWD sings:)

O, we who were depravedNow are truly saved!

And we won’t relapse,And yet perhaps —

(VOICE IN CROWD sings:)

It could be —


It would be —


Nice —

(CROWD sings:)

Just one slice of —


(CROMWELL sings:)

No more sins! No more sins!Next we’ll stop Anglicans!

Then we’ll bring more Good News.


We can rid the world —Of Catholics, of Lutherans!

And no more Jews!

CROMWELL Are you with me?

CROWD YES!

CROMWELL Then let us take this opportunity to say that we have authorized a squad of Major-

Generals to scour the nation to make sure people are following the new rules. The Major-Generals are everywhere! One of them may be next to you right now.

(The CROWD looks around suspiciously, fearfully.)


But we didn’t plan to make a speech. We do not seek the public eye. It is not our

place to be up here. We must step down. (Starts to go, but turns back) Unless you

want us . . . ?CROWD (falling for the trick) We want you! We want you!

CROMWELL It’s nice to know that you are with us. Can we be sure that you are?

CROWD Long live Cromwell! Long live Cromwell! Long live Cromwell!

CROMWELL Thank you for your loyal support! We have just one more suggestion to bring up

— for the moment.

CROWD (ad lib) Let us hear it! Let us hear it!

CROMWELL We know that you all approve of ridding the nation of immorality.


CROWD (ad lib) We do! We do!

CROMWELL Then listen to these words: Henceforth, adultery will be a capital offense!

CROWD (stunned) What?

CROMWELL Yes, adultery will be a capital offense! (The CROWD is nervous, whispering.)

I’m sure that none of you will be affected by such a law! (The CROWD mumbles

more, half-heartedly consents.) Good! So let it be written! Adultery is now punishable by death. And cursed be the man or woman who falls!

CROWD (weak, solitary voices) Yea . . . Yea . . .

CROMWELL Let us all depart now and set upon our Godly ways!

(CROMWELL descends from the platform, exits with CROWD, except for RUTH and


JOSHUA, who stay behind.)

JOSHUA What a great man!

RUTH I suppose so.

JOSHUA Can there be any doubt?

RUTH Not a flicker . . . not one.

JOSHUA Where’s Judith?

RUTH She’s been gone for twenty-four hours, and this is the first time you’ve noticed.

JOSHUA What happened to her?

RUTH She ran away. She’s probably in France by now, if she’s not dead.

JOSHUA But she wasn’t serious about that!

RUTH Apparently she was.

JOSHUA I paid attention before! I thought she was gone, and she wasn’t.


RUTH Well, this time she is.

JOSHUA Why didn’t you tell me? I’ll go bring her back! How dare she!

RUTH It’s best if we leave her over there. If we bring her back, she won’t be happy. She’ll run off again.

JOSHUA I don’t care whether she’s happy or not! What about her immortal soul?

RUTH If you bring her back, she may try to be an actor here. And what will Mr. Cromwell and his friends think of that?

JOSHUA They’ll put Judith in the stocks. A woman acting!

RUTH Or they could fine her father.

JOSHUA Or criticize her mother! We’d be ostracized by the entire community.

RUTH Hurting your business,


which you only just got back from the government. Best let Judith wander as she must. Tell everyone she’s dead.

JOSHUA But it’s not right. There are questions of good and bad.

RUTH Let her go!

SETH (entering) Come, Father! We must get to work. Mr. Cromwell has offered a contract for our business! We’re going to be rich!

(JOSHUA goes with SETH.)

RUTH (to JOSHUA, although he can’t hear her) Questions of good and bad? “Judge not lest ye be judged!” (Exits)

SCENE 3

(JUDITH in France rehearsing a play, using a mock-up of a horse.)


DIRECTOR Encore une fois!

JUDITH (acting badly) “Je t’adore!”

DIRECTOR Votre francais est epouvantable! Encore une fois!

JUDITH “Je t’adore!”

DIRECTOR (tearing his hair) Vous apellez ca jouer? C’est execrable! Encore une fois!

JUDITH We’ve been at it for hours. Can I have a rest, please?DIRECTOR Non!

JUDITH Je suis fatiguee.

DIRECTOR How do you expect to act in this country if you do not even speak the language?

JUDITH (to herself) Is it worth it? Do I really want this?

DIRECTOR Encore une fois!

JUDITH “Je t’adore!”


DIRECTOR (showing her how) Pas: “Je t’adore!” Mais: “Je t’adore.”

JUDITH (trying to imitate him) “Je t’adore.” Oh, I can’t! I give up! I didn’t know it would be like this! And what for? Just so I can entertain some sleepy people in the audience! It sounded so glamorous when I was over there . . .

(JUDITH looks out toward the same spot where she imagined France earlier – beyond the

audience’s heads.)

DIRECTOR Maintenant, vous devez pretendre monter a cheval.

(Shows her how to mount the horse.)

JUDITH Do I have to?

DIRECTOR No. There are plenty of other girls. I will get them. Goodbye! (Starts to leave.)

JUDITH Wait! . . . I want to.


DIRECTOR Bien! Pour monter a cheval vous devez le faire avec grace. Pretendez monter!

(JUDITH tries to mount the horse side-saddle with much difficulty. Then she pretends

to gallop.)

DIRECTOR (haltingly) You are going to meet your lover and tell him you are mad about him.

You are not going to kill him with the horse! Encore une fois!

JUDITH (wearily riding the “horse” and “acting”) “Je t’adore!” “Je t’adore!” (wistfully) Oh, mamma, where are you!

SCENE 4

(SETH, JOSHUA, and two assistants at work in the gun factory.)

JOSHUA It’s good to be working again.


SETH Shall I go out for more iron after while?

JOSHUA You’d better. We’re never going to get all these blunderbusses finished in time for Mr. Cromwell’s war. Help me with this for a moment, will you?

(SETH helps him with some part of the work.)

You’re a good lad, Seth.

SETH Thank you, Father.

JOSHUA If only all of our family were here.

SETH Don’t feel bad. Judith was a disobedient child, that’s all.

JOSHUA Your mother has not taken her absence well, not at all.

SETH Maybe we should ask mother to help us in here.

JOSHUA I don’t think she wants


to.

SETH It would speed up production — and take her mind off Judith at the same time.

JOSHUA I don’t think your mother completely approves of all the weapons we’re making, Seth.

SETH She doesn’t?

JOSHUA Oh, she wouldn’t say anything aloud, but I’ve noticed a certain look in her eye.

SETH (picking up a blunderbuss) How could she not love something as perfect as this?

SETH (sings:)

HOW BEAUTIFUL IS A GUN

How beautiful is a gun,Just holding it in your hand.

How graceful and goodly it is!Its beauty is like a bride’s,

Your helpmate to have and hold,


Both loyal and lovely at once.

And when I touch my woman,I know I’m human.

It makes me feel I’m loving like a man.

How beautiful is a gun,Just lifting it to your eye.

How faithful and steadfast it seems.Its kisses are full of fire.

Its breathings will make you bold,Both Mrs. and mistress in one.

And when I touch my woman,I know I’m human.

This is a marriage that is made to last!

JOSHUA Well then, go ask your mother if she’ll help us. We may have to hire some more

workers. (SETH runs off to get RUTH.) It’s good to be back to work, with my back in the work. I couldn’t stand another day of waiting around. (He works on munitions.) It’s good for a man to have his own business. I can help my family and help Mr. Cromwell


too!

(SETH returns.)

What did your mother say?

(SETH shows that he has brought RUTH, who enters.)

Oh, good.

(RUTH enters reluctantly.)

JOSHUA What’s the matter, Ruth?

RUTH Nothing.

JOSHUA You don’t seem too pleased. Can’t you smile?

RUTH I suppose. (She smiles wanly.)

JOSHUA That’s better. Will you join us?

(RUTH picks up something in the factory.)

That’s right. Soon it will be familiar to you.


SETH (showing her) This goes inside of that. It’s easy.

RUTH (touching the materials) I see.

JOSHUA It’s wonderful for all of us to be working together!

(JOSHUA, SETH, and RUTH sing as they make guns:)

JOSHUA (sings:)

BUSINESS IS KING

Come, let us all rejoice!Business is king!

Our nation needs some work, indeed.

(SETH and RUTH sing:)

Indeed!

(JOSHUA sings:)

So let us show our skill and strive,And when we do we’ll all revive.

(SETH sings:)


Knowing the world will gain from us,We’ll gladly work without a fuss!

(JOSHUA sings:)

Come, let us all rejoice.Business is king!

We’ll cut some trees for stocks, full well.

(SETH and RUTH sing:)

Full well!

(JOSHUA and SETH sing:)

When business is the king,All shout, “Long live the king!”

(RUTH sings, reminding:)

And whom do we thank?


The Lord!

(RUTH sings:)

The Lord!


(JOSHUA sings:)

This land is back in stride,With God on our side!

(SETH sings:)

We’ll dig the hills for iron, of course.(RUTH sings, ironically:)

Of course!

(JOSHUA sings:)

We’ll do our best and thus succeed.

(RUTH sings:)

We’ll make all poverty recede.

(SETH sings:)

How many extra trees and hillsDoes dear old England really need?


We give our thanks, O Cromwell!

(RUTH, leading them:)


We give our thanks —

(ALL sing:)

Almighty Father!

RUTH If only Judith were here.

SETH I hope she’s all right.

JOSHUA Not a word from her.

SETH Perhaps we should have the Major-Generals go find her and make her come back home.

RUTH I shouldn’t have been so harsh with her.

JOSHUA I’m sure you did the right thing, Ruth.

RUTH If only I hadn’t told her that, if she left, she shouldn’t come back!

JOSHUA Too many mothers coddle their children.


RUTH I should have told her she could come back if she needed us.

JOSHUA She made her bed. Now let her lie on it!

(RUTH winces.)

SETH Can’t we work faster? We can turn out more than this! If we stop making them quite so thick through here, we can save on the cost of the iron too. That way we can make two or three guns with the same amount of ore.

JOSHUA This boy’s got a head for business, it seems.

SETH Aw, it’s nothing.

JOSHUA But will the guns be safe if we cut down on the thickness?

SETH Oh, certainly, Father!

JOSHUA They won’t blow up now, will they?


SETH Of course not. (under his breath) Not very many of them . . .

(They sing and continue to work:)

BUSINESS IS KING

(Second Verse)

(JOSHUA sings:)

Come, let us all rejoice!

(RUTH sings:)

Business is king!

(SETH sings:)

Our nation will be great, indeed.

(JOSHUA and RUTH sing:)

Indeed!

(JOSHUA sings:)

All of the world can learn from us —


(SETH sings:)

That working hard is virtuous.We give our thanks —

(JOSHUA sings:)

Those who are diligent will thrive.

(SETH sings:)

By making guns we’ll stay alive!


We give our thanks, O, Cromwell!

(RUTH sings:)

(ALL sing:)

Almighty Father!

S

CENE 5

(JUDITH rehearsing alone in France in an artificial drama.)


JUDITH “For of all the gods, surely Apollo is the greatest, though I risk the wrath of Zeus in saying so. I am in love with Apollo, but he won’t pay the slightest heed to unimportant me. I have followed him almost to Mt. Olympus, with much weariness, only to be turned back by the jeers of the other gods — except Diana! Oh, how painful it is to be in love with a deity!”

(to herself, off to the side)

A pretty little play, yes. But I should be doing more than pretty little plays

about nothing. I should be home in England. O, sweet land across the sea. . .

Did I say that before? I did. And thus we learn. Cromwell, word of your

cruelties reaches us day after day. I think I must go back and do something to

help, use my talent


somehow to stop you. . . . Yes, I think I must!

(She exits hurriedly.)

SCENE 6

(CROMWELL enters to SETH in the gun factory.)

SETH Mr. Cromwell, what a pleasant surprise!

CROMWELL It’s nice to see you, Seth. How is the business coming along?

SETH Splendid! We’re thinking about opening another factory.

CROMWELL That’s just what I wanted to hear. Those despicable Irish are proving more

troublesome than we expected. I’m in desperate need of more guns. I hope you won’t take advantage of me — or your country.


SETH How many do you need?

CROMWELL There’s an Irish army marching across Galway right this minute!

SETH My country can count on me. No bloody Irishmen are going to shove the Pope down my throat!

CROMWELL My sentiments exactly!

THE NEW GOLDEN RULE

CROMWELL (sings:)

There is a Golden Rule —

(SETH sings:)

Love all your brothers.

(CROMWELL sings:)

What you would have them do,

(SETH sings:)


Do unto others!

(CROMWELL sings:)

There’s a need for toleration,But of course in moderation.

Even in acts of moderation, you can be bizarre.

Do love your neighbor!

(SETH sings:)

Do love your neighbor!

(CROMWELL and SETH sing:)

Do love your neighbor!But don’t go too far!

(CROMWELL sings:)

Now there’s another rule,Timely and fitting.

The one to implement,Heaven permitting.

It’s not a violation,Only a renovation.

Even the Holy Scripture must be read anew.


You’ve got to get them.

(SETH sings:)

You’ve got to get them.

(CROMWELL sings:)

You’ve got to get them —

(CROMWELL and SETH sing, nodding:)

Before they get you!

(They shake hands at the end.)

SETH The dirty Irish don’t deserve the beautiful country they’ve got! We’d do a much better job with that land than they have. . . There’s just one thing bothering me in all this.

CROMWELL And what’s that?

SETH I’m a bit worried about the safety of some of the guns.


CROMWELL What do you mean?

SETH Well, when we have to make them so fast, some of them are . . . defective.

CROMWELL Can’t you take out the defective ones?

SETH It’s not always possible to tell — until somebody fires them.

CROMWELL What happens?

SETH Some of them might . . . blow up and kill the person pulling the trigger.

CROMWELL That’s terrible!

SETH But if we slow down production to check every gun we’ll be making fewer, not

more, guns than we are right now. Besides, there’s no way to test them without pulling the trigger ourselves, and that means we . . .

CROMWELL I think this calls for a prayer. Let us kneel.


(The move downstage and kneel.)

Dear God in Heaven, help us in our hour of need! What should we do? What is Thy holy will? We ask in Thy name, O Lord! (They bow their heads for a few moments.) We hear, O Lord, we hear!

SETH What did we hear?

CROMWELL Didn’t you hear it too? God told us to proceed.

SETH He did?

CROMWELL I heard it loud and clear — right here, in my heart. Thank you, God! (Getting up.)

So you just keep on marking as many guns as fast and as cheaply as you possibly can.

SETH Yes, sir, but —


CROMWELL No “buts” about it. We’re just following the instructions of the Lord God Jehovah

himself. Hallelujah, brother! Hallelujah!

(CROMWELL exits.)

SETH (shaking his head) It must be wonderful to have God speak to you like that.

SCENE 7

(The ghost of KING CHARLES enters on the platform, to SETH, who does not hear

him.)

KING CHARLES Seth, don’t you see what you’re doing? (No acknowledgement.) I wasn’t a good

king, God knows, but at least I didn’t lie to myself. Are you going to ruin the country out of greed? Answer me! I’m the King of England. (Pause.) Well,


I used to be the king of England! If only I were alive I’d fix things. I’d stop you from

making all these weapons — stupid, vicious, needless weapons! More than you

could ever use unless you want to destroy the whole human race! (No reply.) Damn it! It’s no fun being dead, believe me. Seth, can you hear me? (No reply.) Can’t you learn anything until you’re dead like me?

KING CHARLES (sings:)

ROYAL COMPLAYNTS(reprise, slower)

Royal frustrations lead to lamentations.No one will listen even when you’re

wise.Shouting commonplaces in their doltish

faces,One gets weary and depressed.

Just pointing out the facts to these maniacs

Gives me no rest.


Ah, ah! No one ever cares.Ah, ah! No one knows the snares.

Ah, ah! No one ever sharesThe heartbreaks of the highbrow!

Noble deflations trigger tribulations.Is there not one who’ll listen to the

dead?

(Exit.)

SCENE 8

(Enter RUTH to JOSHUA with a letter.)

RUTH Joshua, look! It’s a letter from Judith!

JOSHUA I don’t want to hear.

RUTH (consulting the letter) She says she’s acted before the king of France!

JOSHUA Tell her we cut off the heads of kings over here.

RUTH And she even saw Prince


Charlie, the pretender to the British throne! She wrote: “Although in exile, he carries himself with great dash.”

JOSHUA I shouldn’t wonder he does — with our money to support him!

RUTH Oh, Joshua, it’s good to know that Judith is alive and even thriving!

JOSHUA You’re positively glowing because your only daughter is a sinner, helping to “entertain” the pretender to the throne, whom we chased out of here with a good, swift kick!

RUTH Christ asks us to be forgiving, Joshua.

JOSHUA Don’t tell me what Christ said! I know His words. Besides, it was you, I believe, who told Judith not to come back.

RUTH I spoke in too much haste.


JOSHUA It’s one thing to be forgiving. It’s quite another to condone immorality!

RUTH But we may never see her again! JOSHUA I don’t mean to lecture you, my dear wife, but do you hear what you are saying? It’s loose attitudes like that that bring perdition to the family.

RUTH Maybe it’s not as bad as we think.

JOSHUA It’s probably worse! Actors — the filth of the world! No better than gypsies!RUTH (referring to the letter) Here’s the best part. She says she may come back for a visit.

JOSHUA I forbid it! Write her and tell her that.

RUTH You’re saying that only because you’re expected to say it.

JOSHUA Don’t tell me what I wish to say and what I don’t!


RUTH You can lead a child, Joshua, but you can’t force her to do everything exactly the way you’d like.

JOSHUA No!

JOSHUA (sings:)

MAKE THEM GOOD!

Make the children good.Rear them right.Keep them clean.

Or their souls will be led astray.You won’t keep them strong

If they hear the wrong.What they need to do is pray.

Make them go to church,Keep the faith,Love their God,

And their spirits will be secure.Never let them drink.Never let them dance.

(JOSHUA starts to dance, but stops himself.)

That’s the way to keep them pure.


And if you keep them away from false creeds,

Sitting close by in your pew,They’ll grow up good

And avoid all misdeeds.They’ll be just like you!

RUTH Perhaps Judith will come back to us if I write to her.

JOSHUA She is wicked and we must wash our hands of her! Not another word about it!

RUTH (stingingly) And are you good, Joshua, with all your guns and killing? Are you truly, truly good?

(RUTH exits as JOSHUA stares after her, distressed.)

SCENE 9

(CROMWELL acting as judge, with part of CROWD as viewers.)

CROMWELL Bring in the


offender!

(A GUARD brings in JUDITH disguised as the TROUBADOUR, a young man.)

CROMWELL What’s this I hear about someone singing a vicious song about me all over the countryside?

JUDITH (TROUBADOUR) Your Majesty, I —

CROMWELL I am not the king! How many times do I have to state that!JUDITH (TROUBADOUR) (trying to be boy-like) I’m sorry . . . Your Cromwellness.

CROMWELL Explain yourself. I hear that your song is quite offensive.

JUDITH (TROUBADOUR) The country needs some humor, sir.

CROMWELL I suppose you expect me to like it? Perhaps even pay you for it?


JUDITH (TROUBADOUR) I could use some money at that. I sing for a living.

CROMWELL No one forces you to. There are plenty of real jobs.

JUDITH (TROUBADOUR) I’ve looked, but I’ve found none.

CROMWELL Are there no privies to clean?

JUDITH (TROUBADOUR) Would you want to clean privies, Mr. Cromwell?

CROMWELL Well, somebody has to clean them!

JUDITH (TROUBADOUR) But not you!

CROMWELL That’s what’s wrong with this country nowadays! Nobody wants an honest job!

JUDITH (TROUBADOUR) Singing is a


profession, sir!

CROMWELL Well, why don’t you sing your song about us then? We’d like to hear it!

(Reactions, whispers from the CROWD.)

JUDITH (TROUBADOUR) I have plenty of other songs, sir. Let me sing one of those. (Reaches for her lute.)

CROMWELL No, boy, let me hear the one that everyone’s talking about. Are you afraid I may not like it?

JUDITH (TROUBADOUR) No, sir, I’ll sing my song — whatever the cost!

CROMWELL Sing then, my friend. And let’s hope that it’s very pretty!

JUDITH (sings:)


THE TROUBADOUR’S SONG

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!Lend an ear, I pray.

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!Truth is all I say!

Once there was a bad man who sat upon a throne.

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!Making people groan.

Then came a holy man,As holy as could be.He offered everyone

Trips to eternity.

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!He made them so good.La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!Doing what they should.

People wanted Heaven.Thought they’d therein dwell.

Yet sometimes they wondered if they’dDied and gone to —

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!

JUDITH (TROUBADOUR) Well, sir? (saucily) Do you like it well enough?


CROMWELL (over the shocked whispers of the CROWD) So this is what you’re doing with your idleness. What punishment do you think would be fitting for a

crime such as yours?

JUDITH (TROUBADOUR) A good ruler pays attention to what his subjects say about him. No punishment! Why not a large payment?

CROMWELL The government has wasted enough money on hand-outs to malcontents like you. Do you really expect me to feed the hand that bites me?

JUDITH (TROUBADOUR) If you punish me for singing about you, people will begin to hate you.

CROMWELL To judge by that song of yours, they’ll thank me!


JUDITH (TROUBADOUR) King Charles, for all his faults, at least contributed to those who sing.

CROMWELL Good day, Mr. Sing-a-song! Come back to see me again when you have a product someone wants to buy.

(JUDITH and the CROWD are surprised.)

JUDITH (TROUBADOUR) Good day?

CROMWELL That’s correct. I’m letting you go free. What do you say to that?

JUDITH (TROUBADOUR) (daringly) Can you give me a few coins so I can write more verses for my song?

CROMWELL No, friend, I’ve indulged you far enough. Besides, we need every coin we can


get. Haven’t you heard? There’s a new war in Ireland.

JUDITH (TROUBADOUR) A new war?

CROMWELL (going toward her) Come see us soon. We’ll pay soldiers, boy! (He snatches off her cap, revealing her to be a woman, not a man. However, we prefer men, Miss Halstead. Good day!

(CROMWELL exits with his attendants, as though he knew it was JUDITH in disguise

all along.)

JUDITH (TROUBADOUR) Another war?

JUDITH (sings, to herself:)

THE TROUBADOUR’S LAMENT

Nonny, nonny, ho!Nonny, nonny, hey!

Listen, folks,


And I will play.Nonny, nonny, ho!Nonny, nonny, hey!

Listen well. My tale is true.Why never bread to feed the poor?

Feed the poor?Why always money for a war?

For a war?Glad to pay as sure as day is long,

Even when the war we wage is wrong.Not a single farthing for my song!

SCENE 10

(Enter CROMWELL after a battle in Ireland.)

CROMWELL (to AIDE) Are there any survivors?

AIDE A few, Lord Protector. CROMWELL Then bring in the Irish prisoners.

AIDE Yes, sir.

(AIDE exits to get prisoners.)


CROMWELL (to audience) It’s not that I want to do any of this. People say I’m too harsh, but

deep inside they’re pleased with what I’m doing. I force them to be better than

their nature predisposes them. And they’re pleased as well that I look after these heretics for them. Do you think the heretics wouldn’t do the same to us if they got the chance? Don’t your recall the Inquisition? So don’t frown at me, my friends. If you don’t like what you’re about to see, then turn your head away. (to AIDE) Where are the prisoners?

(The AIDE enters with three Irish prisoners.)

So these are the good Catholic heretics we captured! I’m not going to preach. I


will make you an offer — once. Either accept it or reject it. Do you understand?

1st PRISONER We don’t need any bloody offers from the bloody likes of you!

CROMWELL (cool) Very articulate. Are you ready to listen now?

1st PRISONER We’re ready to die for what we believe in!

CROMWELL Ah, but I want you to live! Do you want to be simply another hunk of dead meat

like those? (Points offstage.) Why don’t you become re-born and join the winning side?

1st PRISONER I wouldn’t touch your bloody faith with the sole of my boot!

CROMWELL No, you’d rather believe in the stupid religion you were born with.

PRISONER That’s bloody right!


CROMWELL If God is on your side, why did He let your side lose?

1st PRISONER Because we . . . Because we . . .

CROMWELL Could it be that God himself is telling you that you were wrong, that He’s not on your side?

1st PRISONER There are more of us. We’ll win yet!

CROMWELL My armies will keep coming back here — my bloody armies! Until you submit. You expect us to lose when we have guns and all you have are clubs and pikes

and a few swords? 1st PRISONER We’ll get guns too! And cannon! And ships! And we’ll invade England and blow you right into God’s arms!

CROMWELL What nonsense! What grandiose illusions.


1st PRISONER You’ll see how grandiose they are when we come sailing into London harbor itself!

CROMWELL It’s been charming discussing politics with your gentlemen, but I said I would

make you the offer just once, and you have refused. Therefore . . . (to AIDE)

execute them.

1st PRISONER Execute us? Aren’t you going to take us prisoner?

CROMWELL What for? More mouths to feed?

1st PRISONER But you’re a Christian. We’re fellow Christians!

CROMWELL Oh yes, of course. God be with you. (to AIDE) Now kill them.

(The AIDE aims a gun at the prisoners.) Say hello to the Lord for me,

will you? And if it turns out you were right and had the true religion,


do let me know, won’t you?

(He signals for the AIDE to fire.)

2nd PRISONER Wait! I want to convert!

(He runs closer to CROMWELL on the platform.)

CROMWELL Are you quite sincere?

2nd PRISONER (looking at the AIDE’s gun) Very sincere.CROMWELL Well, good. Do you repent of your sins?

2nd PRISONER I do!

CROMWELL Are you ready to be born again?

2nd PRISONER I am.

1st PRISONER Sean, what are you doing, man?

2nd PRISONER Leave me alone. I don’t want to die!


1st PRISONER You can’t sell your soul like this.

2nd PRISONER We’ve got to keep on living, don’t we?

1st PRISONER Not at any cost. Come back here!

CROMWELL (to 2nd PRISONER) Don’t tell me you’re changing your mind again. (Signals to AIDE to shoot.) 2nd PRISONER No, I want to convert! I’m absolutely sure!

CROMWELL Good. Some water there! (Another ATTENDANT brings a pail of water.) (to the 2nd PRISONER) Kneel. (He does.) Are you positive you want to be baptized in the true faith?

2nd PRISONER I’m positive.

CROMWELL (taking a ladle from the pail) How nice to hear that. (He pours


some water over the 2nd PRISONER’S head.) I baptize thee in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. You are now a member of my church. Bless you! (to the other PRISONERS) Anybody else?

3rd PRISONER We won’t beg for mercy, like dogs!

CROMWELL Fine. Because you wouldn’t get any! (to AIDE) Why don’t you shoot them?

AIDE (trying) The gun won’t work, sir.

CROMWELL Here, let me do it. (Takes the gun, then remembers it might explode.) Unfortunately, we’ve had some defective guns among our armaments.

Could this be one of them? (Checks the gun.) Well, we’ll just have to see, won’t we? Maybe you


gentlemen will go free after all, if this kills me! (He aims the gun at them, then boldly pulls the trigger. The gun fires and one of the PRISONERS falls dead.) (looking up) Thank you, God. (CROMWELL takes a

second gun from an ATTENDANT and shoots

the other PRISONER.) Well, it’s time to make our way back home to

England. Come, friends.

AIDE Can we really go home at last, Lord Protector?CROMWELL Just one little chore remaining — for you, that is.

AIDE What’s that?

CROMWELL I’d like you to go among the bodies yonder and see if any of those still alive wish to be . . . born again. If they do, then bring God’s


comfort in their last hours. (Touches bucket) Pour this on their heads!

(He hands the pail to the AIDE for the baptism and exits.)

SCENE 11

(Enter the ghost of KING CHARLES.)

KING CHARLES O England, I wish I had been a better king to you! What excesses has my

selfishness set off! “Goodness” is running amuck. My poor people!

(RUTH enters, not seeing KING CHARLES, sitting down wearily.)

JOSHUA (following her) What’s wrong?

RUTH Nothing.

JOSHUA This is the second time


today you’ve left the factory.

RUTH Is it?

JOSHUA We’ve got orders to fill. The Spanish have sent us a new order to buy six thousand more guns.

RUTH Have they?

JOSHUA What’s wrong with you?

RUTH Do you really want to know?

JOSHUA Yes.

RUTH I don’t like what we’re doing. The Bible says, “Thou shalt not kill.” And yet we’re making weapons — and even selling them!

JOSHUA But the Bible didn’t mean we couldn’t help a righteous cause. Why, even Jesus

drove the money-changers out of the temple.


RUTH He only used a whip, not a gun.

JOSHUA Ruth . . . RUTH Moreover, Jesus was angry because the temple was being used for business instead of as the house of God. Don’t you see that Cromwell and his cohorts — and that means us — are using the churches for business, not as the house of God?

JOSHUA We’ve got to live in the real world, Ruth.

RUTH But we are helping to make the “real world,” as you call it!

JOSHUA Are you blaming me? If we don’t do it, somebody else will!

RUTH Some of our very own guns have blown up in the faces of our own soldiers.

JOSHUA Every business has its problems.


RUTH Are you the same man I married? JOSHUA (laughing uncomfortably) Of course I am!

RUTH I remember you as gentle.

JOSHUA And I remember you as happy.

RUTH Do you?

JOSHUA You’re not happy now.

RUTH I don’t like what’s happening to us.

JOSHUA Well, at least we don’t have to worry about getting enough to eat anymore!

RUTH (unconvinced) Quite true.

JOSHUA Are you complaining about that?

RUTH No . . .


JOSHUA But you are complaining!

RUTH Am I?

JOSHUA “Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s.”

RUTH “You can’t serve both God and Mammon.”

JOSHUA Are you going to quote Scripture to me?

RUTH Why should I? It doesn’t do any good.

JOSHUA What can I say, Ruth?

RUTH I guess nothing. You’ve made your bed. Now you must lie on it.JOSHUA I’m not going to stand here and split hairs with you. Seth needs me. We both need you. (RUTH looks at him but does not answer.) (leaving) Perhaps you will join us when you feel better. (Exits.)


(KING CHARLES’ ghost enters to RUTH.)

KING CHARLES Don’t go back in there! Someone has to have a spark of courage.

(RUTH hesitates, then starts to go back, then hesitates.)

Don’t go! Listen to me. I’m your monarch!

RUTH (in a dilemma) Oh, Joshua . . .

KING CHARLES As somebody who’s been there and back! You people have got to be smarter than

you’ve been. Listen to me!

RUTH I guess I must go back . . .

KING CHARLES All it takes is one person to start the trend. If you go back in there, you’re telling him it’s all right. He’ll


make more guns — and then more! Then cannon and

bombs — bigger and bigger ones. And then who knows what! Do you hear what I’m saying? Don’t go!

(RUTH finally sighs and decides to go after JOSHUA.)

Ruth! (RUTH exits.) Ruth!

SCENE 12

(Enter CROMWELL and CROWD, all carrying torches.)

CROMWELL / CROWD (ad lib) Sin! Down with sin! Sin! Down with sin!

CROMWELL Let us eliminate it, root and branch! Why is this country in the desperate straits it’s in?

CROWD Sin!


CROMWELL That’s right! Because of sinners and heretics and the godless!

CROWD Down with sin! Up with virtue!

CROMWELL People think they have a right to do and say anything they please. No wonder

God is angry with our nation! No wonder He is punishing us!

CROWD Sin! Sin!CROMWELL What has happened to the beautiful times we once knew, when mother loved

father, and both loved their children? And children loved their parents. It hasn’t merely been most. It

has been taken away from us! And by whom?

CROWD Sinners!

CROMWELL The sinful, flaunting themselves before our very eyes! And


then they have the gall to say that we are oppressing them! It’s they who are oppressing us! It’s they who have interfered with the war in Ireland! How long are we going to stand for it? How long I ask you?

CROWD (ad lib) We won’t stand for it! Never! Never!

CROMWELL As God is our witness, we will save them from themselves. We will because if we don’t they will drag us down with them! God will destroy us all because of the wickedness of the few!

CROWD (chanting, fever pitch) Sin! Sin! Sin! Kill the sinners! Kill the sinners! Kill the

sinners!

(Led by CROMWELL, the CROWD runs off to kill sinners.)


SCENE 13

(SETH in the gun factory. The INVENTOR, with a Cockney accent, enters, wheeling in something under a cloth.)

INVENTOR Mr. Halstead?

SETH I’m busy!

INVENTOR I have something here that might be of interest to you.

SETH I’ve got to get these shipments out.

(Points to boxes of guns and the two ASSISTANTS, who are loading them, etc.)

INVENTOR What would you say if I told you I have invented a gun that shoots its bullets without having to re-load for one whole hour?

SETH I’d say you’re lying.

INVENTOR Let me show you! (He


unveils a machine-gun-like weapon, moving it about on

its wheels.) Behold!

SETH Don’t point it at me!

INVENTOR Excuse me! But just think! Nobody will have to load shots one by laborious

one. You merely attach this long cartridge and the machine will shoot bullet after bullet!

SETH Let me see that. (checking it out)

INVENTOR First, one must make sure that the barrel is clean. (He wipes it.) Then one must

make sure that the cartridge is properly aligned. (He checks it.) Then one must make certain that one stands out of the way — of the spent shells. (He shows how.) And finally one must aim it at the right people, namely, the enemy! (He aims it at the audience.)


SETH Can it be transported easily?

INVENTOR Two men — perhaps just one with these new wheels — can move it anywhere.

Think of the convenience!

SETH How many of these do you have?

INVENTOR At the moment there is only this model. But if we can come to some agreement,

mutually beneficial, we can produce a dozen with a few months. And then

hundreds within the year!

SETH (aside) I can sell these to Cromwell — and who knows who else!

INVENTOR Our government will be able to kill thousands of the enemy, and thus put an end

to war forever!


SETH What if the enemy captures some and begins to make copies? Or captures some

and turns them against us?

INVENTOR We mustn’t be alarmist, Mr. Halstead! How would the world have gotten to the

point of civilization it has unless some of us made the leap? We’d still be back in

primitive times using the jawbone of an ass to slay our foes!

(Enter the ghost of KING CHARLES, to SETH.)

KING CHARLES No, Seth. Tell him to go away. Your guns alone are bad enough.

SETH (not hearing, to INVENTOR) And how much do you want out of this?

INVENTOR It is my invention. I deserve a fair proportion of the profits.

SETH Well, I’m taking the


biggest risk in manufacturing it! I deserve the bulk of anything we earn.

INVENTOR There’ll be plenty for both of us! Believe me! Once we get the word out. The Good Word, if I may quote an impeccable source. Look, I’ve jotted down a few ideas on how to make our friends — and only our friends — want to buy them. (with piece of paper) First, we’ll blanket the whole of London with leaflets. “Have a gun of your very own!” it will read. “Protect your home.” Next we’ll hire a catapult and fling a whole wagonload

of miniature guns on the crowds after church on three Sundays in a row! Then

we’ll get into the bigger stuff!

INVENTOR (sings:)

BARGAINS


It takes a certain style!You must be versatile.

What’er you have to sell —Be sure to sell it with a smile!

Did you know that this was once owned by a king?

Guaranteed to satisfy and sent by first-class mail.

Did I say that there is never any ping?Fashionable and practical. Besides, it is

on sale!

We only have a few.Antiques that look like new.

So get ‘em while they last, my friend.(Spoken:) You sure you don’t want two?

SETH How do I know it even works?

INVENTOR It works. Shall I show you?

SETH What can we test it on?

INVENTOR How about outdoors? Through there? (Points offstage.) Will you assist me?


KING CHARLES It’s going to blow up!

SETH (helping Inventor) Have you got a name for it yet?

INVENTOR I’ve always wanted something named after me.

SETH You might think of naming it the ‘Lord Protector.’ That wouldn’t hurt you.

INVENTOR Well, let me think about it.

(SETH and the INVENTOR roll the big gun offstage.)

KING CHARLES (to audience, resigned) It’s going to blow up . . .

(There is a LOUD EXPLOSION. KING CHARLES shrugs, sighs, and exits.)

SCENE 14


(CROMWELL’s court, where he is hearing disputes.)

AIDE Hear ye! Hear ye! The accused will step forward!

(The HUSBAND and ADULTEROUS WIFE enter, poking at each other.)

HUSBAND I accuse my wife of fornication with another man, Lord Protector. I caught them in my bed!

CROMWELL (to WIFE) What do you have to say for yourself?

WIFE He come home early!

CROMWELL Is that all you have to say?

HUSBAND She’s a slattern! I demand the full penalty for adulteresses!

CROMWELL That means death, you realize.

HUSBAND She deserves it!


WIFE I wouldn’t have to do it if he ever made love to me!

HUSBAND See how she talks, Lord Protector.

CROMWELL Is what your wife says true?

HUSBAND I believe we should come together only for child-bearing, and she’s past the age.

CROMWELL A husband owes his wife some . . . attention.

HUSBAND No, Lord Protector, I beg to differ with you. I will not be wicked!

CROMWELL You needn’t be excessive in your virtue.

HUSBAND That woman’s lustful, Your Honor!

CROMWELL Is it true? Are you lustful?

WIFE To him maybe! What am I supposed to do because he doesn’t


want sex anymore?

CROMWELL You cannot violate your marriage vows.

WIFE I tried to divorce him, but he won’t let me.

HUSBAND She’s a reprobate, Mr. Cromwell!

CROMWELL (to WIFE) You’d better defend yourself.

WIFE Can you give us a divorce, Lord Protector?

CROMWELL “What God has joined together let no man put asunder.”

WIFE So be it then.

CROMWELL (after a beat) I will not give the death penalty here. Public flogging, followed by

two days in the pillory, held up to public scorn.

WIFE No!

CROMWELL Be grateful for the


leniency we have shown.

HUSBAND (to WIFE) See what you get! Thank you, Lord Protector.

CROMWELL Don’t thank me. Set your house in order when your wife returns to you. You

probably deserve some lashes yourself!

HUSBAND (shocked) Your Majesty!

CROMWELL Get out of here before I reverse the sentence.

(The HUSBAND and WIFE go off quarreling.)

AIDE Hear ye! Hear ye! Next case!

(The HERETIC enters.)

CROMWELL What is the charge?

AIDE The accused is a member of a sect that believes in not fighting! He was drafted

into the armies of the


Protectorate and disgraced himself by running away!

CROMWELL What do you say to these charges of treason?

HERETIC I didn’t want to be in the army. They made me. I don’t think it’s right for people

to kill each other.

CROMWELL No one believes it’s admirable in itself, but sometimes one must do certain deeds

to protect one’s country.

HERETIC Invading another country is not protecting anything.

CROMWELL You must learn, my sentimental boy, that sometimes — no, very often — other

people are not as nice as you are. And if you don’t protect yourself and your country and your family, these others will invade and take away everything you have and rape your women, and then force


you to worship as they tell you.

HERETIC Jesus said to turn the other cheek.

CROMWELL Yes, he did. But only once. Eventually you run out of cheeks to turn.

HERETIC It is against my religion, Lord Protector.

CROMWELL Then perhaps you have the wrong religion.HERETIC Begging your pardon, but I believe that’s for me to decide.

CROMWELL Begging your pardon, that is not for you to decide! This nation is not made strong

by a horde of weaklings like you!

HERETIC You didn’t ask me to protect my country. Your recruiters forced me to go abroad

and fight against the non-believers in their own country!


CROMWELL They were planning as assault on England. We caught some of their spies, and they confessed everything. HERETIC Under torture, men will say what you want them to say.

CROMWELL Is that so? If we torture you, maybe you’ll rid yourself of this stupid notion of

Christ’s true words! A nation can afford only so much personal idiosyncrasy. Look at Rome! Why was it great and why did it fall?

HERETIC (quickly) It was “great” because it was ruthless in marching into other people’s

lands and grabbing whatever it wanted and enslaving other human beings. And it “fell” because Christianity came in and made human life special and precious.


CROMWELL (surprised) Oh, quick answers, I see.

HERETIC I have read some history, Lord Protector.

CROMWELL How would you like to join my staff? I need educated men around me. HERETIC Are you asking me in truth?

CROMWELL Do I look like I would lie? You needn’t answer!

HERETIC What would my duties be?

CROMWELL Supplying me with historical precedents as I may need them. I’ll pay you well.

HERETIC You will?

CROMWELL A good salary, a position with the Lord Protector, even a barrel of small beer

every six months. And no torture. You could do worse. Much worse. What do


you say?

HERETIC But what will my research be used for?

CROMWELL Let’s not be so demanding. Let’s leave that part to me. What do you say? I

haven’t got all afternoon.

HERETIC What is my alternative?

CROMWELL Did I say anything about an alternative? Far be it from me to force a man’s

conscience. What do you say?

(The HERETIC tries to decide. Finally he bows his head, reluctantly, in agreement.)

AIDE Hear ye! Hear ye! Next case!

MEMBER OF CROWD Just a minute, Mr. Cromwell! All this isn’t right! You let the adulteress off! You

didn’t punish the


heretic! It’s not right! Simply not right!

(The CROWD agrees.)

CROMWELL (sings:)

CRAFT

Let me try to make it clearer.You don’t need to wield a staff.

I know how to be severer,But the wise will win with craft.

It’s not hard to hit your foesAnd knock them to their begging knees.

But the joy is doubly niceWhen you outwit your enemies.

(CROWD sings:)

We should harangue them.Let’s show some spunk.

Why don’t we hang them!Give them a dunk!

(CROMWELL sings:)

Are we not Christian?We should not hurt.Our holy mission:


Try to convert.

(CROWD sings:)

Can this really be the way?Is there truth in what you say?We’re inclined to tell you nay.

So tell us! Tell us!

(CROMWELL sings:)

If you wish to be a winner,What compares with earning thanks?

First you modify the sinner.Then you add him to your ranks.

He’ll resist and try to fight.But then at last there comes the thrill,

When your foe capitulates,And his becomes the people’s will.

(CROWD sings:)

Why can’t we burn them!Give them a crack!

Why don’t we turn themOnce on the rack?

(CROMWELL sings:)

They’ll only hate youIf you are crude.


They’ll imitate youIf you are shrewd!

(The CROWD confers quickly, then sings.)

You have opened up our eyes.There’s no need to pulverize.

Only have to proselytize,‘Cause we’re so, we’re so,

We’re so, we’re so — wise!

(At the end of the song CROMWELL folds his arms and smiles, having manipulated the

crowd as well to his way of thinking.)

SCENE 15

(SETH’S funeral. Enter members of the CROWD as mourners, carrying a coffin. JOSHUA and RUTH are in the line, with JUDITH at the end, her face not visible.)


CROMWELL (after the coffin is put in place) We are assembled today to say farewell to Seth Halstead, a rising young man cut off in the prime of life, through a misfortunate accident. Many of us knew Seth personally and valued him for the upright citizen he was — hardworking, honest, and trying to help his country and his family.

Now he has gone to his reward. But I hope we will not forget Seth and what he has stood for. It is only in the hearts of loved ones and friends that one’s memory

can remain everlasting. May Almighty God receive Seth into His holy bosom and grant him eternal peace. CROWD Amen.

CROMWELL Those who wish may now pay their last respects to the deceased.

(Some begin to file past the


coffin, touching it, weeping, solemn, etc. JOSHUA helps RUTH up and they stand near the coffin.)

JOSHUA Why don’t you weep, Ruth. You’ll feel better.

RUTH Crying isn’t going to bring him back. He shouldn’t be dead at all. JOSHUA It was an accident.

RUTH He made his bed. Now he’s lying on it!

JOSHUA Ruth! People will overhear you.

RUTH Let them!

JOSHUA Hush now. Hush. (He tries to comfort her, but she pulls away.)

(JUDITH, looking very sophisticated, comes to the foot of the coffin, looking down at

her dead brother.)

JUDITH Oh Seth . . . why?


JOSHUA (noticing her) Judith, you’ve come back to us!

JUDITH No, Father. I came for the funeral.

JOSHUA But you’re going to stay now, aren’t you? After everything that’s happened?

JUDITH I’m afraid I must go back to France.

JOSHUA (hurt) Oh, I see . . .

JUDITH Are you well, Mother?

RUTH Are you?

JUDITH I think so. I have a position with the royal acting company there.

RUTH That’s good.

JOSHUA Ruth!

RUTH Let at least one of our children live!


JOSHUA One’s in his grave and the other soon to be in Hell. And you want me to stand by

and say nothing?

JUDITH Father, are you well?

JOSHUA I am well, daughter. You have grown into a worldly woman, I see.

JUDITH I have a long way to go yet.

JOSHUA You have already shamed us.

JUDITH I have shamed nobody!

JOSHUA (making a threatening move toward her) There are fathers who have killed their

children for less!

RUTH (coming between them) Joshua!

JUDITH Do not threaten me, Father. I’m no longer a child, and you no longer have

dominion over me!


JOSHUA I have a duty to see that you are decent!

JUDITH (strongly) I am decent, Father!

JOSHUA I am not a cruel man. I will say no more. But I hope you will go and leave your

poor mother and me in peace.

JUDITH I will go, very shortly. But not because you told me to. Because there’s nothing

for me here.

JOSHUA Don’t come over here and pollute our world with your corrupt one! JUDITH (telling him off) If my world is corrupt, because I act and sing upon the stage,

and because I make people laugh and cry — and I laugh myself for the first time in my life — then I welcome corruption! I have


learned there is another reality outside this world I grew up in, and if I cannot alter this world, at least I can leave it. Thank God, I am free enough to leave it! (She starts to leave, stops.) Goodbye, Father. (He doesn’t turn back or answer.) Goodbye, Mother.

RUTH Goodbye, Judith. I wish you the world. And this time, if you need to come back home, you will always be welcome!

JUDITH Thank you, Mother. (She smiles.)

RUTH Before you go, will you join me at your brother’s coffin?

JUDITH Of course.

(RUTH and JUDITH sing a duet at Seth’s coffin:)


TAKE FLIGHT(reprise)


Across the fair, full sky to France.Lift your splendid wings

And see what Heaven brings.Dare to cross the great expanse.

Take flight, dear fellow!Take flight, my soul,

Across the silken sea to France.Cool that beating heart.

And then you must depart.Free yourself to take the chance.

Fly — — — — — — — — — — — — — dove!

My — — — — — — — — — — — — — my love!

Someday I’ll join you,Someday I will —

Together in that other land.Though my hopes are high,

I still must learn to fly.Perhaps a cloud will come,

Perhaps a cloud will come one dayAnd flutter me away!


Fly — — — — — — — — — — — — — dove!

My — — — — — — — — — — — — — — my love!

(JUDITH kisses her mother and exits.)

JOSHUA It’s time we left. (He takes a few steps, stops, holds out his arm.) Ruth? We must get back to the factory. The shipments are waiting. We must carry on, the

way Seth would have wanted.

(RUTH hesitates a long time, looks at coffin, then looks off where JUDITH has gone. Finally she takes JOSHUA’S arm, resigned, knowing her choices are limited. They exit together.)

SCENE 16


(KING CHARLES, in LIMBO, enters to the lip of the stage, carrying a pie and a

fork. He sits on the edge, about to dig in.)

(CROMWELL, now dead, enters.)

KING CHARLES What are you doing here? It’s been — what? — ten — twelve years?

CROMWELL I died.

KING CHARLES Even you?

CROMWELL Even me! What are you doing here?

KING CHARLES I was just about to have a piece of pie. Join me?

CROMWELL (sitting on the lip of the stage with him) Is that allowed here?

KING CHARLES Lots of things are


allowed here that weren’t allowed there.

CROMWELL No hard feelings?

KING CHARLES . . . Not here.

CROMWELL Where are we?

KING CHARLES In the Hereafter — Limbo, I think.

CROMWELL Is this all there is to it?

KING CHARLES It’s not so bad. No pain.

CROMWELL What do you do? KING CHARLES I wander around, telling people who are still alive what I think they should do. CROMWELL And?

KING CHARLES They don’t listen to me. CROMWELL They don’t listen at all?


KING CHARLES I don’t think so! CROMWELL Maybe that means we’re in Hell.

KING CHARLES Maybe, but I haven’t given up hope. CROMWELL (touching himself) I feel odd. KING CHARLES In what way? CROMWELL Sort of regretful . . . KING CHARLES Oh, that.

CROMWELL I didn’t get to finish all my good projects before I died.

KING CHARLES You know what? The regret’s going to get even worse.

CROMWELL Can’t I do something about it?


KING CHARLES You can go around whispering into people’s ears with me.

CROMWELL Will it do any good?

KING CHARLES I don’t know. Do we agree on what’s good?

CROMWELL (cringing) I was a pretty terrible person, wasn’t I?

KING CHARLES Who am I to judge? But I can try. Want me to?

CROMWELL No! They’re restoring the monarchy, did you hear?

KING CHARLES Yes. I think my son may be a better king than I was. At least he won’t be so

stubborn and stupid.

CROMWELL You’ve changed.

KING CHARLES I’m trying.


CROMWELL Will I change?

KING CHARLES Don’t you feel it already?

CROMWELL I think I do.

KING CHARLES We’ll become more like each other.

CROMWELL And will the world pay attention to us then? (gesturing to the audience)

KING CHARLES I don’t know.

CROMWELL (sings:)

LIMBO

Can they save the future?Will they have to burrow?

Can they work with nature?Will they see tomorrow?



No one knows for certain.There is — a curtain.

(CROMWELL sings:)

Won’t they learn?


Who can tell?

Man’s a stubborn creature,Willful and destructive.Wouldn’t want to wagerOn his future prospects.

(BOTH sing:)

One day they’ll be new.Maybe they’ll change.

Until they do —They’re lost in Limbo, too!

KING CHARLES Want some pie now? It’s mince!


(He offers CROMWELL the pie, plus a fork.)

CROMWELL Why not? (Reaches for the pie.)

(The rest of the entire CAST appears.)

CROWD (sings:)

SIN AND PIES(reprise)

No mince pies! No mince pies!No big eyes, for mince pies.

No more sighs for mince pies.Not one bite! It’s not right!

Is it clear? Do you hear?

(CROMWELL and KING CHARLES sing:)

O, sirs, must there be decrees!O, sirs, can’t we have some ease?

(CROWD sings:)

Prayer and fasting, we advise!And no more sinful Christmas pies.


If you tread on Satan’s path,Then you deserve your Maker’s wrath!


O, sirs, just some marmalade of quince.And O, sirs, simple little pies of mince.

(CROWD sings:)

If you are unclean ones,You will burn with demons!


O, we who were depravedNow are truly saved!

And we won’t relapse,And yet perhaps —

It could be —

It would be — nice.

(CROMWELL sings:, pleading)

Just one slice of —

(CROWD sings:)


No more sin! No more sin!If you eat these pies, then realize

These naughty pies will cost you —Paradise!

(Ignoring the CROWD, CROMWELL and CHARLES simultaneously hover over the pie and stick a fork into it, as if about to eat out of the same dish, eager and happy together.)

THE END

Copyright 1981

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