On Caregiving; Care for the Family Caregiver: A Place to Start; and The Art of Condolences: Gratitude for Whatever Life Brings Us **November is National Care Givers month Rebecca Hegarty Michelle Murray October 15, 2014
Transcript
Slide 1
On Caregiving; Care for the Family Caregiver : A Place to Start
; and The Art of Condolences: Gratitude for Whatever Life Brings Us
**November is National Care Givers month Rebecca Hegarty Michelle
Murray October 15, 2014
Slide 2
The Art of Condolences and Caregiving Mastering the art of
condolences requires us to befriend the things that cause us
discomfort in our own life and in the life and death of others
(Condolences, page 10). I believe that what doctors need to be
helped to master is the art of acknowledging and affirming the
patient as a suffering human being; imagining alternative contexts
and practices for responding to calamity; and conversing with and
supporting patients in desperate situations where the emphasis is
in what really matters to the patient and his or her intimates (On
Caregiving, page 29).
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Why the art of condolences and caregiving can be considered
vital We may want to avoid our painful feelings amid the swirling
tide of emotions, but when we acknowledge and accept our own
humanity through opening ourselves to the suffering of others, we
realize how we are all interconnected (Condolences, page 9). If the
ancient Chinese perception is right that we are not born fully
human, but only become so as we cultivate ourselves and our
relations with others-and that we must do so in a threatening world
where things often go terribly wrong and where what we are able to
control is very limited-then caregiving is one of those
relationships and practices of self cultivation that make us, even
as we experience our limits and failures, more human. It completes
(not absolutely, but as a kind of burnishing of what we really
are-warts and all) our humanity. And if that Chinese perspective is
also right (as I believe it is), when it claims that by building
our humanity we humanize the world (On Caregiving, page 29). Vital
= necessary to the existence, continuance, or well-being of
something; indispensable; essential :
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We are all in this together No Man Is An Island, By John Donne
(1634) No man is an island, Entire of itself, Every man is a piece
of the continent, A part of the main. If a clod be washed away by
the sea, Europe is the less. As well as if a promontory were. As
well as if a manor of thy friend's Or of thine own were: Any man's
death diminishes me, Because I am involved in mankind, And
therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for
thee. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VB2HQiRlriE
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What is condolence? The notion of sharing anothers feelings or
comforting them in times of loss is known as condolences
(Condolences, page 9). The origin of the word dates back to 1580
from the Latin condolere, which means to suffer together
(Condolences, page 9). "Most people think that offering condolences
is something we offer only after a person has lost someone to
death. But we may also offer condolences when we share in the
suffering of someone who is gravely ill and will soon die (emphasis
ours, Condolences, page 9).
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Condolence exercise 1: Condolence is the art of sharing
suffering. It is now time to befriend the things that cause us
discomfort in our own life and in the life and death of others.
What condolence has helped at a time when you were suffering? Have
you found that condolence is one size fits all because we all
suffer? Or do we shape our condolences to fit specific settings and
needs? Is condolence universal or personal or both? What would you
counsel or recommend is a good rule of conduct when offering
condolence?
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What is caregiving? YearPopulation66 years of age onwards %
2015321 Million37 Million 12% 2030325 Million70 million 20% In
simple terms, a family caregiver is someone who is responsible for
attending to the daily needs of another person (Care, page 12).
Caregivers protect the vulnerable and dependent (On Caregiving,
page 29). With the aging population on the rise, caregiving and
condolences will impact many of us for various reasons and in
different ways. NIH 2013 elderly population study and Census bureau
2014
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Who are caregivers?
Slide 9
Exercise 2: Caregiving and Care-receiving We have, most of us,
at times in our lives been taken care of. Talk about your
experience with receiving and giving care. As a care receiver: What
worked for you, made you feel better? What didnt help or made you
feel worse? Do you have any special, specific memories of being
cared for whether negative or positive? Does anything from any of
the three readings particularly resonate with your experience of
receiving care?
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Exercise 2: Caregiving and Care-receiving As a caregiver: What
worked? What didnt? Was it difficult? Rewarding? What were the
joys? The sorrows? Does anything from any of the three readings
particularly resonate with your experience of receiving care?
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Caregiving: The challenges Caregiving is not easy (Care, page
27). And because caregiving is so tiring, and emotionally draining,
effective care giving requires that care givers themselves receive
practical and emotional Support (Care, page 27). We grieve what we
have lost and fear what we know lies ahead (On Caregiving, page
29). Caregiving: The gifts By this I mean that we envision
caregiving as an existential quality of what it is to be a human
(On Caregiving, page 27). And out of the billions of ordinary acts
of care giving perhaps also comes much of that which, imperceptibly
and relentlessly, sustains the world (On Caregiving, page 29).
caregiving is a defining moral practice. It is a practice of
empathic imagination, responsibility, witnessing, and solidarity
with those in great need, it is a moral practice that makes care
givers, and at times even the care receivers, more present and
thereby fully human (On Caregiving, page 29).
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Exercise 3: Care giving: The Ideal Future Think of a scenario
in your life when you have been or might have to be a caregiver. As
a caregiver, have you learned any special skills to utilize to ease
the burden of what Kleinman called enduring the unendurable? What
do you imagine would make your life easier if you should have to
care for someone, if you are caring for someone? Will making it
easier make it better? What is your plan? Who will help you? How
will you take care of yourself as a caregiver?
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Exercise 3: Care receiving: The Ideal Future Now as a
care-receiver: What do you envisage as the ideal scenario for being
taken care of in your dotage or illness or old-age? Who do you want
to do it? Where would you ideally be? Are there any realistic steps
you could take to insure that the reality of your care comes as
close to ideal as possible? Who will help? How will specific
individuals help?
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What do we take away About ourselves and caregiving? What do we
want when cared for? How will we care for ourselves as caregivers?
What is the plan for caregiving? Who will help? What will they do?
Who will care for you as a care-receiver?
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Homework Due date: your death What habit will you form,
starting now, to take care of yourself so you can better take care
of others?