Accepting Personal Responsibility

On Course

Sarah Rach-Sovich

• There is more in us than we know. If we can be

made to see it, perhaps, for the rest of our lives,

we will be unwilling to settle for less. • Kurt Hahn

Complete the puzzles!

Do you believe…?

• …that life happens to you?

OR

• …that you happen to life?

Yes, I know…

• Of course there are situations in our lives that unfold over

which we have little control….

– The weather

– A freak accident

– The death of a loved one.

• But we do have control over how we view those

situations!

• And, in my experience, it’s these views that make all the

difference!

I’m guessing…

• Most of us believe that we are creators of our

reality

• We aren’t just passive observers

• We have a say in how our lives go

• BUT…

How do you ACT?

• Like a victim of your circumstances?

OR

• A creator of your reality?

• Often times there is a disconnect between what we

believe and how we act…

For example:

• “It is raining. What a crummy day.”

• The day is only crummy because that is what we

have decided it is – we judged it to be that way

• There is nothing inherently bad or miserable

about rain

• It is your perspective of rain that makes the

difference!

Personal Responsibility

Successful Students

Adopt the Creator role

believing that their

choices create the

outcomes and

experiences of their

lives.

Struggling Students

Accept the Victim role

believing that external

forces determine the

outcomes and

experiences of their

lives.

Creator versus Victim

Creators

People who change their

beliefs and behaviors to

create the best results

they can.

Victims

People who keep doing

what they’ve been doing

even when it doesn’t

work.

Personal Responsibility

The essence is responding effectively to all

of life’s opportunities and challenges

The key ingredient = CHOICE.

Does change = growth?

A mother brought her son to Mahatma Ghandi. She begged,

“Please, Mahatma. Tell my son to stop eating sugar.” Mahatma

paused, then said, “Bring your son back in two weeks.” Puzzled, the

woman thanked him and said that she would do as he asked.

Two weeks later, she returned with her son. Ghandi looked the

youngster in the eye and said, “Stop eating sugar.” Grateful, but

bewildered, the woman asked, “Why did you tell me to bring him

back in two weeks? You could have told him the same thing then.”

Ghandi replied, “Two weeks ago, I was eating sugar.”

What things are holding you back from making changes?

RESPONSIBILITY MODEL

Stimulus

Choice

Response Response

•Blaming

•Complaining

•Excusing

•Repeats behavior

•Seeking Solutions

•Takes action

•Does something new

Result(s) Result(s)

Victim language Creator language

•There’s nothing I can do.

• I have always been that way.

•I can’t…..

•I have to….

•I should….

•I’ll try…

•I quit.

•There’s always something I can do.

•I can choose to be different.

•I can…

•I choose to…

•I will…

•I’ll keep going.

Seldom achieves goal(s) Often achieves goal(s)

Victim Creator

Inner

Guide

Inner

Critic

Inner

Defender

Mastering Creator Language

The Inner Critic – is the voice inside each of us that criticizes us for all that goes wrong. The inner critic tells us that everything is our own fault. It judges us harshly. It is like pointing the finger at yourself.

The Inner Defendant – is the voice inside that tries to protect us by deflecting criticism outward. The inner defender always blames others for his/her problems. The inner defender points the finger at everyone else.

The Inner Guide – is the voice inside that looks at events objectively and ask “Am I on course or off course?” The inner guide then looks for the best route for getting back on course.

Changing Inner Conversations

Successful students can learn to dispute irrational beliefs

that the inner critic or inner defender suggest by:

• Offering a positive explanation of the problem.

• Proving the accusation wrong by offering contrary evidence.

• Questioning the importance of the problem.

• Offering a practical plan of action to solve the problem.

Personal ResponsibilityPersonal Responsibility

Successful Students

Master Creator

Language

Accept personal

responsibility for their

results

Struggling Students

Use Victim Language

Reject personal

responsibility by blaming,

complaining, and

excusing

The Language of Responsibility

Creators

• Seek solutions

• Accept responsibility

• Take action

• Try something new

• Choose to do things

• Own their own problems

• Commit and follow through

• Take control of their choices and lives

Victims

• Make excuses

• Blame

• Complain

• Repeat ineffective behavior

• “Have to” do things

• Pretend problems belong to others

• “Try”

• Give Up

Victims make excuses

• The professor is boring.

• It’s easy to eat right until

you get depressed.

Creators seek solutions

• I find this professor boring,

so I will tape-record his

lectures and listen to them

a little bit at a time.

• The next time I feel

depressed, I’ll write down

my feelings instead of

eating junk.

Victims blame

• The teacher gave me an

F on the first test.

• The TV is always

bombarding you with

food commercials.

Creators accept

responsibility

• I got an F on the first test

because I didn’t read the

book.

• I’ll tape my favorite

shows so I can fast-

forward through the

commercials.

Victims complain

• What a stupid

requirement.

• I hate my body.

Creators take action

• I’ll find out if there’s a

test I can take to waive it.

• Today I’ll ask my co-

worker how she got so fit

this year.

Victims repeat ineffective

actions

• Going to the lab is no

help. It’s noisy in there

every afternoon.

• I’ve tried the gym 20

different times, but it

never lasts.

Creators try something

new

• I’ll go to the lab in the

morning when there’s no

crowd.

• I think I’ll jog along the

beach this week; maybe

I’ll enjoy myself enough

to stick with it.

Victims “have to” do

things

• I have to take this stupid

reading class before I

can start the nursing

program.

Creators “choose to” do

things

• I choose to take this

reading class because it

will help me understand

the college-level books

that will prepare me for

the job I really want.

Victims pretend their

problems belong to

others (and say “you”

when they mean “I.”

• How are you supposed

to stay awake?

• The next thing you know,

you’ve got an empty

Cheetos bag next to you.

Creators own their

problems

• I find myself falling

asleep when I listen to

his lectures.

• Sometimes I go

unconscious and I eat a

whole bag of junk food. I

will stay aware of what I

eat.

Victims “try”

• I try to study, but my

roommate is no help.

• I’ve tried every diet

known to mankind.

Creators commit & follow

through

• I’ll study two hours

tonight and tell my

roommate not to bother

me until I’m finished.

• I will make an

appointment with a

nutritionist and get some

expert advice.

• Most of all, Victims

give up

• There’s nothing I can do.

• That’s just how I am.

• I can’t . . .

• I quit.

• Most of all, Creators

take control of their

choices and their lives

• There’s always

something I can do.

• I can choose to be

different.

• I can . . .

• I’ll keep going.

Saying “I Can’t”

• If you are in shackles, “I can’t” has relevance; otherwise,

it is usually a roundabout way of saying “I don’t want to,”

“I won’t,” or “I have not learned how to.” If you really

mean “I don’t want to,” it is important to come out and

say so. Saying “I can’t” disowns responsibility.

• Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks

There is no “Try”

• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x51EIXjhiEU

Practice…

Personal Responsibility

Successful Students

Make wise decisions by

consciously designing

the future they want

Struggling Students

Make careless decisions

by letting the future

happen by chance rather

than by choice.

Making Wise Decisions

Wise Choice Process

1. What’s my present situation?

2. How would I like my situation to be?

3. Do I have a choice here?

4. What are my possible choices?

5. What’s the likely outcome of each possible choice?

6. Which choice will I commit to doing?

22 Wise College Decisions

1) Read your college catalogue

2) See your advisor

3) Understand prerequisites

4) Complete your general education requirements

5) Choose a major wisely

6) Take a realistic course load

7) Attend the first day of class and be punctual

8) Sit in class where you can focus on learning

9) Study the syllabus

10) Buy required books and supplies as soon as possible

11) Introduce yourself to one or more classmates and

exchange phone numbers.

22 Wise College Decisions12) Inform your instructor before an absence.

13) If you arrive late, slip in quietly.

14) Ask questions

15) Make an appointment to talk with your instructor during office

hours if you need to have an extended conversation.

16) Get involved in campus life

17) Know the importance of your grade point average

18) Know how to compute your grade point average

19) If you stop attending class, withdraw officially

20) Talk to your instructor before withdrawing

21) Keep a file of important documents

22) Avoid behaviors that disrespect your classmates or professor

Let’s Play a Game!

Quick Write

• Take a few minutes to jot down your thoughts

about today’s class…

• What did you learn about yourself?

• About others?

• What concepts were most important or stood out

the most to you?

• What do you need to work on in your life?

A few notes

• Since this is our last in person meeting…

– You will need to be checking your Email & D2L

OFTEN!

– There will still be assignments due each week

through the end of July

– You are responsible for checking D2L

– Check your Grades and get caught up if you are

behind!

Have a fantastic weekend!

Summer Transitions Students!!!

• Before you go…

• Fall Schedules

• Service Learning

– Some deadlines were extended (check D2L)

– Site Contracts are due July 2nd!

– Check for new assignments early next week

(probably a discussion)