ON FINDING MYSELF IN THE INTRODUCTORY COURSE (of all places!)

David Sherrill

I have been working with groups of between 60 and 100 people each semester, in the context of the undergraduate introductory course in educational psychology. Images of rows of students in front of whom I (as professor) am acting out an intellectually stimulating (at best) and stif1ing (at worst) monolog, pop into my head. My monolog is punctuated with periods of reluctant discussion and it is clear to me that I am doing more sending than receiving. It is also clear to me that the feedback mechanisms which I have created in order for me to "objectively" determine the effectiveness of my transmission and the quality of my target audience's reception are tuned to a very narrow band within the spectrum of my experience of the course. I begin to change my images of educational psychology and of myself as a practitioner of it. As I begin to put more than my head into my classes, I find myelf working with 60 to 100 people who have become my motorcycle-to borrow a symbol from Pirsig (1974). Like Pirsig, I have found that my motorcycle is, indeed, myself.

My teaching is a significant aspect of me and as I become more attuned to myelf, I begin to notice the model of teaching which I am advocating through my own teaching behavior. How I am doing what I am doing becomes very important to me. I shift my language more and more into the first person; more of me is automatically in what I am saying and doing. I recognize myself as my most available (and most miraculous) resource and I begin to recreate the confidence in myself that I traded away to parents and teachers and grownups, in general, at an early age (and to my chosen peer group during a later developmental stage) and, more recently, to my fantasized collection of "people-who-have-it-more­together-than-me." I want to trust myself enough to take the responsibility for my own teaching and learning. Self-concept becomes more than a topic of discussion.

"Learning by Doing," the motto of the Future Farmers of America (was John Dewey a member?)

comes back to me after almost 20 years of benign neglect. Of course, it reappears in the disguise of experiential learning; and, I recognize it nonetheless. I begin to participate in my classes more actively. I want self-concept to be a hands-on experience and I focus on the habits I have adopted relative to my images of myself as person, learner and teacher.

I begin to work on my self-concept by looking at something as tangible as my body. From there it is a jump to my less- "concrete" body image; from here I extrapolate to consider my idealized images of myself as teacher and student. I can translate my images onto paper, in the form of drawings, and in doing so I open up another medium for self­expression which 1 abandoned when I believed I had outgrown crayons and began to value reading and writing more than I valued drawing. When I look at the drawings coming out of my classes, I see pictures of teachers, students, and myself which tell me more than words alone. (I have begun to use photographs taken during my classes as a way of providing myself with yet another collection of pictures of my experience. Seeing myself in my classes increases my level of identification with what I am doing-) become more personally involved.)

l become my own facilitator. My classroom becomes a laboratory for clarification of my own beliefs, values, attitudes, emotions and behaviors. I am working with self-understanding and self­acceptance, fundamental goals of the University of Hawaii's undergraduate teacher education program (University of Hawaii, 1972).

I record my reactions to each of my classes in the form of a written paper, and I require all other participants to do likewise. (This article is an example of one of my weekly reaction papers; and, in this instance, I am omitting the textbook references for further reading which I typically build into my papers.) On a weekly basis, I read and add my comments to the papers submitted by every partici­pant. Each paper reflects the unique perspective of its

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author and I discover that the dimensionality of the class exceeds the number of participants. That is, higher order factors emerge that give new meaning to my experience of individual differences. (And to think I had always chosen to think of factor analysis as a data reduction technique!) By requiring others to read at least ten papers in addition to their own each week, I am repeatedly emphasizing the role of individual differences in learning.

I look at my reaction papers as documentation of my own, self-paced instruction. Me, creating my own personal psychology of education. I'm writing and rewriting my various chapters as I re-encounter myself, from class to class. I am preparing a transcript of my own educational growth. I am conscious of the uniqueness of my own record at one level and, simultaneously, communalities are apparent as I identify with the transcripts of others. Significant others are everywhere I choose to look for them­especially right around me in my own classes. For example, Cinthy Kawamura captured her in-class experience of being led blindfolded around a local playground in this form:

Have 1 been more mind than body? How long has it been since I've let the grass be grass under my feet-since I've let it impress me instead of putting impressions on it, using yesterday's memory of it and preconceived-in-earlier-years notions about It and tree bark and rock, leaves and dirt. To get from here to there so simple-feet move, arms swing, eyes see everything but mind acknowledges only little bits

of earth and wind and muscle. What happened to me from here to there 7 Have I been more mind than body? Have I been more eyes than body? The incredible burden on my eyes to recognize and create things out of color and form, to send messages of what to expect to my nose the soles of my feet my fingertips

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my cochlea the padding on my toes the hair on my arms the soles of my feet can be relieved if my eyes share the world with the other four. Fascination can be found when I focus on anything purposefully and openly, but intimate interaction between matter and sense (preferably natural matter) yields new insight new interpretations illumination of being.

I can draw Cinthy's words into my own evolving textbook more easily than I can draw her creativity. By the end of any given semester, my textbook includes the contributions of many of my classmates. My reaction papers are me talking to myself; my reading of the reactions written by others is me talking to myself from different perspectives. My appreciation of my own selective perception grows.

I can also look at my reaction papers as a forum for ongoing, individualized feedback. My comments on others' papers represent feedback that is more specific than that conveyed in the disguise of a letter or numeric grade. Others' comments on my papers give me feedback that is more useful to me than some percent of endorsement on a standard course/ instructor evaluation form. I share Fletcher's (1978} dissatisfaction with what he characterizes as a popular preoccupation with minimums (e.g., minimum competency testing)-!, too, am interested

in the outer limits of my educability. I want to make education a peak experience for myself. When I'm testing my self-imposed limits, my appreciation for feedback grows.

I keep records of whose reaction papers are being read by whom throughout the semester. One result of my recordkeeping is a pseudo-sociometric repre­sentation of the communication networks which develop through the papers. In effect, I am extending myself through my papers-and every other class member is doing the same. I am taking advantage of the full range of individuality within the class as I write and read reaction papers. Every paper is a potential "teacher" for every reader. As my learning and growth are inside jobs, any stimulus can be my "teacher." My own perspective is simply one of many.

By choosing myself as the focus of my teaching/ learning experiences, I feel I am creating an arena in which every " !" has a part. I am starting with my most willing student-myself-and I am acknow­ledging myself as my most supportive teacher. I am taking responsibility for my own schooling. By working on my own personal/professional growth, I feel I am sharing my most effective model of educational psychology-a model which I believe to be a direct reflection of my goal of self-actualization in education. Through my own actualization, I believe I facilitate actualization on the part of those with whom I work; I have gone back to basics. I am actively mainstreaming myself into my classes-and imagine my joy on finding myself in the introductory course (of all places)! At times, I hear myself quoting that delightful character- the Chink­created by Tom Robbins (1976}: ha ha ho ho and hee heel

References

Fletcher, J.L. "The Outer Limits of Human Educability: A Proposed Program," in Eslucillional Rmarchrr, 1978, 7, pp. 13-18.

Pirsig, Robert M. Ln and Thr Art of Molorcyclt Mainlrnantt, New York: William Morrow, 1974.

Robbins, Tom. EPrn Couigir/1 Gtt thr Blurs, New York: Houghton Mifflin, 1976.

University of Hawaii, College of Education. GOllls for a Ptrformanet· BasrJ Undrrgraduatr Ttachtr Educa/iQn Program, Honolulu: Author, 197Z.

DaPiJ Shrrrill has bun an llssocialt Profruor in tht Dtparlmtnl of EJucalianal Ps!lchology. Colltgt of Education, sintt joining /ht fatuity of lht Unitimily of Hawaii in 1971.

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