Optimism& Emotional Intelligence

Keys to Self Development

Know Thyself Self Awareness: aware of your moods, sure of their

boundaries, positive outlook on life. Able to get out of their bad moods without becoming obsessed.

Engulfed: people who feel swamped by their feelings and emotions and helpless to escape them. Not very aware of their feelings, so don’t have a good perspective and get lost in them. Do little to try to escape their moods, feeling lack of control.

Accepting: Clear of feelings, but tend to accept their moods and don’t try to change them. (depressed people who are resigned to their despair).

How Health is Impacted by Our Own Cognitions

We have far greater control over our physical health:The way we think, especially about our heath,changes our health

Optimists catch fewer infectious diseases

Optimists have better health habits Our immune system may work better

when we are optimistic Optimists live longer

Pessimism A Person who expects the worst

possible outcome of a situation A terminally unhappy person A person who spends a lot of time

worrying about the bad things that may happen

A person who lacks faith and confidence in him or her self.

Pessimism A pessimist is likely to get depressed

easily Probably achieves less at work than

your talents warrant (pessimism drags down your performance).

Your physical health is probably not what it should be

Life is not as pleasurable as it should be

If you are a Pessimist Your attitude may be so deeply rooted as to be

permanent Our thoughts are not merely reactions to

events: they change what ensues. Must learn a new set of cognitive skills You give up more easily and get depressed

more often You must believe that whatever the cause of

the bad event, it can be changed.

Optimism Someone who sees the positive, even in a bad

situation. Someone who doesn’t let failure limit their

growth as a human being. Someone who takes personal setbacks as only

a temporary inconvenience. Someone who is a happy person who is nice to

be around. Someone who describes a pessimist as a

person with potential.

Learned Optimism What is crucial is what you think when you fail,

using the power of “non-negative thinking.

Changing the destructive things you say to yourself when you experience the setbacks that life deals all of us is the central skill of optimism.

Learned Optimism: How You Think is How You Feel

Cognitive therapy: Learn to recognize the automatic thoughts

flitting through your consciousness at the times you feel the worst.

Learn to dispute the automatic thoughts by marshaling contrary evidence

You learn to make different explanations called re-attributions and use them to dispute your automatic thoughts

You learn to distract yourself from depressing thoughts

Learn to Recognize Your FeelingsEmotional self- awareness is the building

block of emotional intelligenceOnce a feeling or reaction is brought into

awareness:

you can decide to shrug off the feelings and change your outlook and mood.

being able to shake off a bad mood. evaluate things anew,

Anxiety, fear, and worry Survival Reaction:

When fear triggers the emotional brain, anxiety fixates attention on the threat at hand, forcing the mind to obsess about how to handle it.

Worry is a rehearsal of what might go wrong and how to deal wit it; to come up with positive solutions for life’s perils by anticipating dangers before their arise.

Emotional Intelligence 2 Kinds of Intelligence:

1. Rational IQ2. Emotional IQ

Emotions Run the Show The most important factor in peak

performance is EMOTIONAL. When you can perform emotionally

you can go toe-to-toe with the devil himself.

Emotional flexibilityEmotional responsivenessEmotional strengthEmotional resiliency

Emotional Intelligence The link between SAT scores and grades and those achievements is dwarfed by the

totality of other characteristics that one brings to life: Characteristics:

Being able to motivate yourself

Persist in the face of frustration

Control impulse and delay gratification

Regulate one’s moods and keep distress from swamping the ability to think

To emphasize and to hope

Social Intelligence:

The key part of what makes people do well in the practicalities of life.

IQ offers little to explain the different destinies of people with roughly equal promises, schooling, and opportunity.

95 Harvard students from 1940 were followed into middle age:

highest IQ scores not particularly successful, have greatest life satisfaction, or most happiness with friendships, family and romantic relationships than their lower scoring peers

High Emotional Intelligence Know how to manage your own

feelings Read and deal with other people’s

feelings Know your own emotions Self motivation Empathy Social competence

Optimal Performance is Correlated with Specific Positive Emotions

Calmness Relaxation Confidence Focus Openness (people don’t perform well when

angry, tense, anxious, fearful, or worried.

You remain grounded, connected, engaged.

You can take a hit You bounce back quickly from failure,

learn from your mistakes and resume the fight more resilient than ever.

You deal with stress; at times you even thrive on it.

Interpersonal Intelligence Leadership Ability to nurture relationships Ability to resolve conflicts

Ability to understand other people What motivates them How they work, How to work cooperatively with them. Ability to discern and respond appropriately to the

moods, temperaments, motivations, and desires of other people.

Self knowledge.

Types High IQ Males

Wide range of intellectual interests and abilities Ambitious and productive Predictable and dogged Untroubled by concerns about himself Critical and condescending Fastidious and inhibited Uneasy with sexuality and sensual experience Unexpressive and detached Emotionally bland and cold

High EI men Socially poised Outgoing Cheerful Not prone to fearfulness or worried ruminations Capacity for commitment to people or causes Take responsibility Have an ethical outlook Sympathetic and caring in their relationships Rich emotional life Comfortable with themselves and others

Types High IQ Women

Intellectual confidence

Fluent in expressing their thoughts

Value intellectual matters

Have a wide range of intellectual and aesthetic interests

Introspective, prone to anxiety, rumination, and guilt

Hesitate to express their anger openly

High EI Women Assertive Express their feelings directly Feel positive about themselves Life holds meaning and purpose Outgoing and gregarious Express their feelings appropriately Adapt well to stress Easily reach out to new people Playful, spontaneous Open to sensual experiences Rarely feel anxious or guilty or sink into ruminations

Healthy Emotional States Compassion Gratitude Attention Forgiveness Tolerance Patience Sympathy humility

Maslow’s Characteristics of Self Actualization

Sense of Humor Social Interest Love Efficient Perception Freshness of

Appreciation Peak Experience Ethical Awareness

Detachment Creativeness Spontaneity Life mission Autonomy acceptance