Or…How do I get the job even when I feel like tossing my cookies

“I bring this with me every time I have to make a presentation. One can never be too sure, can they?”

DOG AND PONY SHOW!

&

“I THOUGHT THE PART WHERE YOU TURNED AROUND AND SHOWED US YOUR FAKE BUTT WAS VERY CREATIVE. I THINK THAT’S WHAT GOT US THE ACCOUNT.”

“WHAT FAKE BUTT?”

“I don’t think telling the client about yourhernia surgery is going to land us the account.”

“I can tell them about the time I slept in theairport.”

“Who’s going to talk about our ideas?”

“I heard if you just razzle-dazzle them, youdon’t need ideas.”

“Maybe we should go as clowns.”

“YOU WERE RIGHT, AND I WAS WRONG. THEY

DIDN’T HAVE A DIGITAL PROJECTOR, AND WHEN

THE GUY TRIED TO LOOK AT MY LAPTOP, HE

STRAINED HIS NECK, AND THEY HAD TO CALL AN

AMBULENCE. THEN, THE AMBULENCE CRASHED,

AND THE GUY WENT FLYING OUT THE BACK DOOR

AND WAS HIT BY ONE OF THOSE ALLIED MOVING

VANS…DID I TELL YOU WE DIDN’T GET THE

ACCOUNT?”

“NOPE. NO BATHROOM. THEY GOT A BIG TREE IN THE BACK.” “YOU GOT THE BATTERIES FOR THE COMPUTER AND THE

PROJECTOR?” “I LEFT THEM ON THE DOG SLED

OUTSIDE.” “DON’T LOOK NOW, BUT A BIG BEAR

JUST TOOK OUR LUNCH.”

“WHAT IF THEY DON’T HAVE ALL THAT ELECTRONIC STUFF?”

“WE’LL USE THE LEGO BLOCKS.” “INSTEAD OF THE POWERPOINT, WE’LL

GO WITH THE MAGIC CRAYONS AND THE MY LITTLE PONY ETCH-A-SKETCH.”

“TED SPENT A LOT OF TIME PREPARING FOR THE PRESENTATION, BUT IF HE MENTIONS THAT INCIDENT WITH THE HORSE ONE MORE TIME, WE’RE SUNK.”

“MARY’S REAL HOT. I WONDER IF SHE LIKES HORSES.”

“HI, MY NAME IS OPRAH WINFREY. TO MY RIGHT IS BRAD PITT, AND ON MY LEFT IS ANGELINA JOLIE.”

“JOE, JIM SMITH. NICE TO MEET YOU. MY CARD.”

“CALL ME JIM. HERE, TAKE MY CARD.”

“JANE, I’M JOSH. HERE’S MY CARD.”

“HI JOSH. TAKE MY CARD.” “HERE’S MY CARD.” “THAT’S OKAY. I’M THE PIZZA GUY.”

“WE’RE HERE TODAY TO MAKE OUR ADVERTISING PRESENTATION TO THE ACME FRAMITZ COMPANY…OH, BY THE WAY, DO YOU VALIDATE PARKING HERE?”

“WE PROMISE OUR MEETING WON’T LAST MORE THAN ONE-HOUR…THAT’S IF BARNEY DOESN’T START TALKING ABOUT HIS SON’S ATTENTION DEFICIT…AND MARY DOESN’T BRAG ABOUT HOW SHE GOT INTO COLUMBIA.”

“FIRST, GWYNETH WILL DISCUSS THE SITUATION ANALYSIS…JUST WHY IT IS YOU CALLED US IN TO MAKE THE PRESENTATION. THEN, TOM WILL TALK ABOUT OUR NEW MARKETING IDEAS. BY THE WAY, IF HE STARTS LOOKING IN THE MIRROR, PLEASE DON’T MIND, HE HAS A CONDITION. ANNABETH WILL THEN DISCUSS MEDIA IDEAS – THAT’S WHEN SHE’S NOT DUMPING ON HER FORMER BOYFRIEND.”

EITHER YOU, THE HOST, WILL SERVE AS A BRIDGE BETWEEN SPEAKERS, OR HAVE THE SPEAKERS INTRODUCE THE NEXT SPEAKER.

“HE-E-E-E-R-E-E-SJ-O-H-N-N-Y!!”

…THE HOST OR MODERATOR SUMS UP WHAT WAS DISCUSSED.

“FIRST, ANNE MARIE DISCUSSED THE NEW SLOGAN,

CHARLES TALKED ABOUT THE CREATIVE, HENRY

DISCUSSED THE PROBLEMS HE’S HAVING WITH

HIS MOTHER, HEATHER REVEALED THAT HER

HUSBAND HAS INTIMACY ISSUES, AND TED

DISCUSSED MARKET RESEARCH…”

…DOING IT EARLIER MAY BE A DISTRACTION.

“UH…EARTH TO CLIENT. COULD YOU PUT DOWN THE G_D DAMN REPORT? I’M TRYING TO MAKE A POINT HERE. BOY, I CAN’T TELL YOU HOW MUCH I HATE THAT SH_T!”

“DO YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS?” “I HEARD BRITNEY SPEARS SHAVED HER

EYE BROWS. IS THAT TRUE?”

“COOL MAN. LIKE IT’S BEEN GROOVY LETTIN’ MY DUDES AND ME CRASH YOUR SPACE AND DISH OUT SOME REALLY CRAZY SH_T TO YOU CATS. LIKE, WOW, IS THAT REALLY A MARBLE DESK?”

“JACK AND MARY. WE REALLY WANT THIS JOB. I’M READY TO MAKE YOU AN OFFER YOU CAN’T REFUSE. DID I TELL YOU MY NEPHEW IS TONY SOPRANO. SO, I’M ASKING AGAIN…WILL YOU GIVE US THE ACCOUNT?”

“WE ARE SO OUT OF HERE.” “FIRST ONE TO THE BAR’S A ROTTEN

EGG.” “LAST ONE BUYS.”

ONE DAY AFTER THE PRESENTATION, SEND A THANK YOU E-MAIL.

“WE REALLY ENJOYED MEETING WITH YOUR CREATIVE TEAM YESTERDAY, AND IF YOU NEED ANY MORE DATA, PLEASE DON’T HESITATE TO CALL. BY THE WAY, I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF BUYING YOU A BRAND NEW MERCEDES.”

NEXT WEEK…

ROI

NOT THE FRENCH WORD FOR KING, BUT –

RETURN ON INVESTMENT