My body is private

Adapted for CAFOD by Kate Iwi & Alfie Ross

Some things are private.

If dad gets a letter nobody else opens it. People’s mail is private. When I am bathing and I shut the door, this means it’s private. My parents close the door to their room sometimes.

My body is private too.

My mother says that everything covered by a swimsuit is private. For both boys and girls.

Very little kids like my brother have to have their nappy changed by someone else - someone has to touch his private parts to take care of him.

Sometimes a doctor has to touch my private parts for a check-up. But mostly I can look after myself now so there’s no need for anyone to touch or see my private parts any more.

My mother says if anyone starts to touch me and I don’t like it, I can say “no”.

Most of the time I like to be touched – to get cuddles from my baby brother or my teacher or, best of all, from my mother. Sometimes dad spins me round in circles and I love it.

For me, this is all good touch.

But sometimes touch is not so good.

When my Uncle Ted used to come over and give us sweets he would hug me very tight and rub my arms. I didn’t like it. It didn’t feel good and he smelled of tobacco. I asked my mother if I had to hug him. “Of course you don’t have to”, she said, “you can say no.”“But Uncle Ted will think I don’t like him”.“He’ll survive. I could tell him for you, but it’s good practice for you do it yourself – Just say, “No thanks Uncle Ted, I’d like to stay here”, or just give him a big smile and come and help me in the kitchen.”

Next time Uncle Ted came over he started to reach for me. “No thanks,” I said. “I’m going to help mum,” and I stepped away, my heart pounding. “Too big for me now?” he said, smiling. He didn’t seem angry at all!

Mum said after that she was proud of me.

“Did Uncle Ted do anything wrong?” I asked.

“No,” said mum “he just didn’t know how you felt. But it would have been wrong if he kept on touching you when you asked him to stop.”

“And it’s always wrong if grownups or older kids try to touch your private

parts, if someone wants to look at you or photo you without your clothes on, or if someone shows you or asks you to touch their private parts.”

“Ugh,” I said. “Who’d ever do that?”“It could be a stranger, or someone you know, like a babysitter or teacher or friend. It could even be someone in our family. It probably won’t ever happen. You don’t need to worry about it; you just need to know what to do - the way you know what to do if a fire starts.”

“I’d say NO and run away”“Good girl,” said Mum, “and you must come and tell me what happened. Sometimes it’s hard to make a person stop acting that way. He or she might pretend it’s a game or say you’ll get in trouble if you tell. The person might try to scare you. But if someone touches the private parts of your body, I want to know. No matter how scared you are, no matter who it is – I don’t care if its Santa Claus – you tell me.”

“And if I’m not around, tell Daddy or your teacher or some other grown up you trust. If one person doesn’t believe you, tell someone else. Never be afraid to tell. No matter what happened it’s not your fault. You won’t get into trouble.”“What if someone tells me it’s a secret?” I said. “Always tell me if someone asks you to keep a secret like that. If you keep it a secret no-one can help”.

“Time for bed now!” said mum.I got ready for bed and mum carried me to my room. She pretended I was too heavy for her. “You’re getting bigger every day,” she said.

I am growing up. I need to know what kind of touch is bad and what to do. But I’m glad most touch is good. It’s wonderful to get a hug goodnight.