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PARENTING STYLES THAT MAKE OR BREAK A CHILD
Remember the good old days when the notion
of parenting was the equivalent of a military regime?
If you don’t call your elders you get a knock on your
head. If you can’t wake up in the morning you get
water splashed in your face. If you got a ‘B’ for your
grades you get the “you should have gotten an ‘A’
instead” conversation. And if you misbehaved, you
had to fetch the very cane that was going to be used
on you. A world where the concept of ‘time-out’ was
as foreign as a fairy tale. Remembering those days
would bring a happy but traumatic tear to your eye.
But don’t you also remember that one friend
who got away with everything? Whether it’s bad
grades or rude behaviour, he or she seemed to
have diplomatic immunity from any form of
reprimanding. That one friend that got whatever toy
he or she wanted just because they asked for it? Page � of �2 13
PARENTING STYLES THAT MAKE OR BREAK A CHILD
And you keep waiting for them to finally get a
beating one of those days but it never happens. Like
a time bomb that just doesn’t explode.
So the important question now is this. Which of
the above is the right way to go?
Studies seem to suggest NEITHER ONE.
Before understanding how parenting styles
affect children, we must first understand the
different parenting styles that exist.
In a study conducted by Diana Baumrind in
1991 entitled “The Influence of Parenting Style on
Adolescent Competence and Substance Use”,
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PARENTING STYLES THAT MAKE OR BREAK A CHILD
three distinct parenting styles were identified as
follows:-
Authoritarian - Parents are highly demanding but
not responsive. It is a strict and punishment driven
parenting style. The parent dictates the child to obey
their instructions without emphasising on explaining
why. Corporal punishment such as caning is
common in this style in order to make the child
remember. The parent’s intention is to teach their
child how to behave and survive in a harsh society.
The parent depicts the world as being unforgiving
and angry if the child misbehaves. The parent
believes that it is better that the parent strictly
disciplines the child now before someone else in the
outside world punishes the child next time. If the
child diverts from the parents’ instructions, then the
child is considered ‘rebellious’. Page � of �4 13
PARENTING STYLES THAT MAKE OR BREAK A CHILD
Permissive - Parents are not demanding but
highly responsive. Also known as indulgent
parenting. The parent has very low expectations of
a child’s behaviour. The parent is very highly
involved with their children, exhibiting a very
accepting and nurturing behaviour towards their
child. They attend to the child’s wishes and needs.
However, they do not expect the child to control
their behaviour. The parent plays the role of the
‘friend’ with the child. They tend to give advice and
allow the child to make their own decisions. They
give the child whatever the child wants and hopes
that the child will somehow appreciate them.
Authoritative - (not to be confused with
Authoritarian). The parent is highly demanding
and highly responsive. It is a style focused on Page � of �5 13
PARENTING STYLES THAT MAKE OR BREAK A CHILD
developing the maturity of the child. An authoritative
parent tries to understand the feelings of the child
and try to teach the child how to regulate such
feelings. An authoritative parent will place strict
boundaries and limits, but will allow the child to
explore and make decisions based on their own
reasons within those limits. They show forgiveness
to a child’s misgivings. The parent is nurturing and
encourages the child to be independent. However,
the parent still expects the child to behave
accordingly and will explain to the child what is the
purpose and importance of behaving right. Even
when punishing a child, they will explain the reasons
for such punishment. Punishments are measured
and consistent based on the misbehaviour and are
not simply dished out based on emotions. Parents
focus on the child’s maturity, independence, and
age-appropriate behaviour. Page � of �6 13
PARENTING STYLES THAT MAKE OR BREAK A CHILD
Neglectful - (I know we said three styles but this
‘fourth’ style is not really a parenting style at all).
The parent is not demanding and not responsive.
The parent basically is not involved in the child’s life.
This should not be regarded as an actual parenting
style.
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PARENTING STYLES THAT MAKE OR BREAK A CHILD
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PARENTING STYLES THAT MAKE OR BREAK A CHILD
Children who are brought up under the
Authoritarian style have lower sociability as they
are accustomed to their parents telling them what to
do and do not usually exercise their freedom of
choice. Such children are very obedient and will
conform to the instructions of others. They tend to
be very quiet and unhappy. They are more prone to
self-blame and are susceptible to depression. When
faced with conflict, they will tend to revert to an
‘escapist’ behaviour whereby they resort to other
methods to avoid displeasure such as substance
abuse or develop a compulsive behaviour.
Children who are brought up under the
Permissive style on the other hand tend to be more
impulsive and do not regulate their feelings or
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PARENTING STYLES THAT MAKE OR BREAK A CHILD
behaviour. They tend to be low achievers as they
are not benchmarked by their parents against goals
and achievements. They become very demanding
of others but do not reciprocate well. They are also
poor at managing themselves (whether in terms of
time management, decision making, controlling
emotions, etc.) as they have not been expected to
do so by their parents. Such kids typically display a
higher rate of delinquency and are more prone to
substance abuse.
As for children raised via the Authoritative style, such children show the most balanced of the
two and tend to develop into high achievers. They
do not make unreasonable demands and they also
do not sell themselves short. They are able to
reciprocate well with others. They understand the
importance of behaving appropriately. Such children Page � of �10 13
PARENTING STYLES THAT MAKE OR BREAK A CHILD
will place standards on themselves as their parents
have explained the purpose of behaving a certain
way. And because they set standards they become
high achievers. They are also more independent
and exhibit higher levels of self-confidence. They
show high levels of good behaviour, mental
fortitude, and social competence. They do not resort
to aggression and are more capable of reasoning
with others.
You may be interested to know that in a 2014
study conducted by Amanda Verzello entitled
“Teens and alcohol study: Parenting style can
prevent binge drinking”, that teens with
Authoritative parents were the least prone to
heavy drinking, teens with Authoritarian parents
had more than double the risk of heavy drinking,
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PARENTING STYLES THAT MAKE OR BREAK A CHILD
whilst teens with Permissive parents had nearly
triple the risk of heavy drinking.
Though there is no one single rule to parenting,
it is clear that the way a parent interacts with their
child will shape and mould the child accordingly. By
balancing between being demanding and
responsive, a parent can greatly nurture the growth
and development of a child.
It is interesting to note that despite most parents
visualising the image of a strict parent when thinking
of the word ‘discipline’, the word ‘discipline’ actually
comes from the Latin word ‘disciplina’, that is
educat ion and t ra in ing , se l f -con t ro l and
determination, knowledge in a field of study, and an
orderly way of life. As multi-faceted as the meaning
behind this word, so must the style of parenting be. Page � of �12 13
PARENTING STYLES THAT MAKE OR BREAK A CHILD
Thank you for your time.
We hope you enjoyed this. We certainly did!
Stay tuned for more topics on children.
Truly yours,
it’s for the kids
visit us at roundages.com
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