People call me ‘The Bullyologist’. I even have a fake certificate above my desk that lets everyone know that I know a thing or two about being a bully and being a victim of bullying. No doubt this is true. I have managed to attain this expert status, not because of a degree from a prestigious fight school, but because I have spent the last 10 years speaking on the subject, counseling countless teens and their parents, and studying the growing trend of bullying. So here is the basic thesis statement of all of my findings: Kids today are mean. And they are getting meaner.

A bully is basically someone who tries to beat up another person physically or verbally. Hate speech is the primary tool that bullies use to intimidate and harass their victims. This issue has reached epidemic proportions on campuses and online. It is damaging the emotional psyche of students everywhere. Check this out, 160,000 students skip school everyday in America to avoid being bullied. For those that are brave enough to go to school, 6 out of 10 of them witness bullying at least once a day. [2010 PACER Center, Inc.] Needless to say, this is a real problem and we (including you) have to do something to stop it.

School Administrators have come up with some nifty ideas. It seems to me that they either ignore the issue and do nothing, (crossing their fingers, hoping nothing really bad happens) or they go to the other extreme and punish anything that remotely looks like bullying. Like the kid in Palm Beach, Florida who was charged with “using an egg as a deadly weapon.” In New Jersey, two students were accused of “Terror-ism- playing cops and robbers with a paper gun.” [source:advancementproject.org] These schools that go extreme call it a “Zero Tolerance” policy, similar to a school I recently spoke at in Orange City, Iowa. They had signs on campus that said “No Tolerance for Bullying, No Way, Never! Or Else...” The students told me that they felt like they were being bullied by the teachers not to bully. Oops, counterproductive.

While I am a HUGE fan of schools adopting policies that prevent bullying, sometimes the extreme policies have an adverse affect. Don’t you think? For example, in this “zero tolerance”school in Iowa, they severely punished even the pettiest arguments in the hallways. This in turn caused a lot of students to not report any bullying incidents for fear of receiving a punishment that didn’t fit the crime. They also cracked down on “hate speech” that offended or was discriminatory in any way. So T-shirts with an upside down cross were confiscated and the person who said something like “that shirt is so gay”, was immediately expelled. This caused many students feel like they were actually being stripped of their First Amendment right- Freedom of Speech and Expression. This is happening all over America. I have seen the struggle worsen over the last 10 years that I have been speaking to students. I am seeing a growing frustration between students and faculty, parents and principles. No one seems to know how to end this horrible growing epidemic. But have no fear, the Bullyologist is here! (Brooks enters center stage with sparkly tights, flowy cape, chest sticking out with part smile - part grrrrrr.)

In my research of this topic, I discovered that Bullying isn’t what it used to be. The football player steal-ing the water-boys milk money is the least of our worries these days. The stakes are higher now. When teens go to school, they are often going into a verbal war zone. The angry words of the bully are becoming

Introduction

160,000 students

skip school everyday

in America to avoid being

bullied.

more venomous. It’s been years since the “you’re a stupid head” phrase has been used. The bullies are also taking the dirty smack talking off campus and online. It is online where ordinary students who have never bullied anyone, find themselves caught up in cyberbullying, causing serious damage to their enemy. They send anonymous hate e-mail. They launch fake profiles on popular social network sites for the whole school to see. They even post embarrassing photo’s and make comments about them. As a result, the hurt is deeper now than ever. This is a parents worse nightmare. Their child is being tormented 24/7 and they feel powerless to do anything about it. It is horrible! This increase of hate comes with an increase of hurt Today’s victims of bullying are more depressed. They are at high risk for violence against their en-emy, self injurious behavior, and/or suicide. But remember, I said have no fear! (Brooks runs back and forth across the stage with an occasional karate chop to the audience. And an unplanned sneeze.)

Allow me to flip things around a bit. This may seem like a bad time to be in school, but I actually think it is the best time for students. I am not being overly optimistic either. Extreme times call for extreme measures and I believe that their is an extreme answer to this devastating trend of bullying that could actually make today’s students better prepared for the real world after high school. We don’t need stricter policies (although I think every school should have solid policies against bullying. The “no weapon’s” rule is always a good idea.) The answer is not more police, teacher, or parental presence on campus. (Yes, I said parental. Can you imagine someone’s mom as the hall monitor? Lovely.) The answer to this bullying epidemic is... Brace Yo’Self... I’m about to say it... wait for it... It’s LOVE.

We must teach our students how to respond to others (especially bullies) with genuine love, respect, compassion, and kindness. These are character traits that will equip them to diffuse the bully and quickly end the confrontation. Now before you write me off as some pie-in-the-sky dreamer- I need you to understand something very important. LOVE is greater than HATE. It is the only thing that I have seen successfully conquer a bullies anger. When students fight back at the bully, it only increases the bullies hate. When students ignore the bully, it only provokes more of the bullies hate. However, when the student responds with kind words full of love for that person, the hate is turned around. As my mother used to always tell me, “A soft answer turns away wrath”. Mom was brilliant.

You see, hate is at the heart of the bully problem. Many students today experience genuine hatred towards other people in there life. This hate has been created by un-dealt with hurt, learned prejudices, and intolerance. Students are really angry today and extremely vocal about what and who they don’t like. So when they see another student respond to them in love, it has a powerful healing affect that only love can have. A bullies strategy is thrown off by love. I believe that love is the antidote for hatred. Genuine love is what has always worked in times passed, and is what is working wonders for schools today. Simply put, love conquers all. Love has the power to stop the bullies in their tracks- and is the best way to win them as a friend. When you teach students how to truly love each other (through respect, kindness, and compassion) you prepare them to counteract the hatred that they face everyday in the hallways of their school. This is the highest level of character education- and there is nothing that can substitute it. Now before I give you some awesome tips on how to stop bullying, I need you to understand a bit more on why I believe LOVE is greater than HATE.

Kids today are mean. And they are only getting meaner.

What isLOVE?

Love is probably the most misunderstood word in the world. Part of the problem is that we use this one word to describe many things. We water down its meaning by overuse. I love my wife. I love America. I love pizza. I love my computer. I love you. I would love to have my back rubbed. We use the world love in so many different ways that it has literally lost its meaning.

Giving or receiving love is difficult when we don’t even understand what it is. So, first, we need to clear up a couple of popular misconceptions about love. Most people think love is a feeling- a sentimental knot in the stomach, a quiver in the liver, an ocean of emotion. True, love does produce feelings, but it is more than a feeling.

Another misconception is that love is uncontrollable. Have you ever said, “I fell in love”- as if you had tripped? We assume that love can’t be controlled. “I can’t help it if I’m in love.” Or the opposite: “I can’t help myself; I just don’t love him anymore.” We talk as if love is uncontrollable, but love is controllable. We have total control over whom we love and whom we don’t love. I believe that we should love all people. In fact, the ones who hurt us (the bullies) need our love the most.

Two things you must believe about love: First, love is a choice. Second, love is an action. Love is something we do. Too often we love just with words and not with actions. Love is more than words and more than feelings. The Greeks had four words to differentiate different types of love: storge, which means natural affection; eros, which means sexual attraction; philia, which means emotional affection or friendship; and agape, which means unconditional, giving, sacrificial love. This last type of love, agape, is the greatest form of love and has the power to turn enemies into friends.

This type of love, overlooks the bad in people and gives to them without wanting anything in return. When you love at this level, you care about the person who is attempting to hurt you, you try to understand the reason behind their cruelty, and you seek to find some way to get them help. Initially, your pride will hate it because you feel as if they don’t deserve such kindness. But something inside of you, (your soul), knows that this type of love is what you need to give to others. If you want to turn the bully around, you must live above the line of average, and practice agape love.

I actually believe, and have experienced first hand that it is possible to love those who have hurt you through this high level of love. In fact, I believe that this is the ultimate pathway to healing to turn the hurt that the bully caused you, into genuine love and care for them. When you live life with genuine love towards others, even those who bully you will be in awe of your maturity.

This is what we need to be teaching our students today. We need to help them know how to interact with others, especially those who are out to hurt them. There whole life will be filled with mean bullies. This is not just a school problem, but a human nature problem. When we equip our young people with the tools needed to survive in this toxic environment, we empower them to influence others rather than be influenced by others.

Please listen to me carefully. This isn’t easy, but it is possible, and when you are able to sincerely love those who are seemingly unlovable, your whole life changes. Sure, it is easy to love people who are kind and lovely, but love really shines when hard-to-love people come into our lives, and we choose to show them kindness despite what they have done to us. The truth is, our lives are full of people we don’t like. We do not like the way some people talk. We don’t like the way some act and dress. But most of all, we tend not to like the people who do not like us. If you were to think about it for sixty seconds, you could probably come up with a list of people you do not like. They would probably be people whom you have trouble getting along with. I am not promoting the idea that you have to like everyone. (isn’t that a relief ?) Some people are really mean and have little to like about them. But I do believe that you must show love towards everyone, even your enemies. Especially your enemies. Being kind and loving towards them does not mean that you approve of their behavior. Loving them does not necessarily mean that you have to have warm affections, feelings, or emotions towards them. In fact, when you first choose to show them love, it will go against every feeling in your body. You won’t want to do it. But if you press on, your feelings will dramatically change towards that person.

In my book and assembly talk called: LOVE > HATE, I teach students how to live this incredible life of respect, kindness, and compassion. I not only show them how to recover from being victimized by a bully, but I take it to another level and show them exactly how they can be a positive force of change in their school. Students can stop the spirit of negativity in their school through the power of love. I have seen it happen all over the nation- and I am committed to see more.

I hope that you will consider bringing this message to the students in your life. More importantly, I hope that you will be an example of how a mature person deals with difficult people. I firmly believe that the end of bullying begins with you. You are the hope we have to end bullying on campus and online, because you are an example to the students who are watching you make decisions every day to either hurt others by your negative words and actions, or help them by your genuine kindness and compassion. Instead of fighting FIRE with FIRE- you chose to reach out to your enemies in love. You are the model citizen that students need to follow, joining the growing movement of young people who are taking matters into their own hands and starting a domino effect of love- that changes every student in the school for the better.

And now, the moment you have been waiting for...

The end of bullying begins with you!

COMMUNICATEFirst the best line of defense is just a basic good parenting skill – Your child being able to

talk to you. They have to feel free to tell you about their life and problems. They have to trust you and feel comfortable talking to you about problems and intimate issues. They have to feel safe, loved and appreciated. You should be the person that they can come to not the person they fear telling.

tIPS tO MAKE It HAPPEN

• When they talk to you give them your complete and undivided attention. “Be There”. Turn off the TV, get off your cell phone.

• Listen and do not be judgmental. This is the most important thing to get your child to really talk to you – be non- judgmental. Saying things like “How could you let that happen?” or “I can’t believe you did that!” will cause them never to discuss things with you again.

• Listen to understand. Ask good non judgmental questions.

• Make time on a regular basis to talk one on one with your child. Schedule individual “dates” especially if they have other siblings that interfere with private time.

• Discuss solutions together. Make them feel like they are a part of the solution.

• Follow through on everything you promise. Everything! This builds trust.

• Keep everything in strict confidence.

• Tell them that you appreciate them talking to you.

• Tell them that you are proud of them and that you love them very much.

If you feel like your kids won’t come to you about bullying you can start by initiating a healthy third person bully discussion with “Have you ever seen other students at school called names or teased?” Talking about bullying in the third person is easier and safer for the victim. Then begin to embed the concept that no one should ever bully another person. That it is wrong. But, that unfortunately many kids are bullied. That there are many people that can help them and stop bullying. That bullying is not right. No one has the right to hurt you even if they are your friend. That you are there to help them and they cannot solve it on their own.

EvaluateIf you have immediate suspicions or concerns and you feel that your child is not telling you

everything you may just have to fall back and rely on these common indicators of bullying:

• Comes home with torn, damaged, or missing pieces of clothing, books, or other belongings

• Has unexplained cuts, bruises, and scratches

• Has few, if any friends, with whom he or she spends time

• Seems afraid of going to school, walking to and from school, riding the school bus, or taking part in organized activities with peers (such as clubs)

• Takes a long, “illogical” route when walking to or from school

• Has lost interest in school work or suddenly begins to do poorly in school

• Appears sad, moody, teary, or depressed when he or she comes home

• Complains frequently of headaches, stomachaches, or other physical ailments

• Has trouble sleeping or has frequent bad dreams

• Experiences a loss of appetite

• Appears anxious and/or suffers from low self-esteem

Since very few adults are trained to handle bullying it is common for parents to do the wrong thing. Don’t feel bad if you have done some of these because these are typical reactions. These tips can help make sure you do not make the situation worse.

A FEW tIPS tO HELP

• Parents often will say “They should just work it out themselves.” That this is just a disagreement and that kids need to learn conflict resolution as they grow up anyway. They will need to deal with conflicts as an adult. The problem is that this is not a disagreement. Disagreements can be worked out between parties with equal power. There is confrontation of unequal power. You can only work out conflict between to equal parties. Adults have to intervene.

• Macho dad tells Johnny not to take it and just hit the bully back. While this may seem like the “guy” thing to do, it will not solve the problem and more likely get your child in some serious trouble at school. You also do not want to teach hitting as a way to resolve problems. It will not work with moderate to severe bullying.

• Mom says “ignore” the bully. While this may seem like the civilized or Christian thing to do it will typically only work with the mild one time incidents. The reason it typically does not work is because it fuels the two elements that bullying needs: silence and secrecy.

• Are you a bully? Are you unknowingly displaying or modeling bullying behavior? Often bullying is learned and imitated at home. If you want to eliminate bullying you have to eliminate it at home.

• Is bullying going on with relative or friends? It may be good old Uncle George who teases thinking its just good fun but more likely it is older siblings tormenting their younger brother or sister. The most common bully is the child that is being tormented by his or her older siblings at home.

• Anger. It is natural to be very angry. You want to go right over to the school and choke the principle. “How could he let this happen to my child?!” Or, your anger spills over toward your child “How could you let this happen to you? Why didn’t you stop this sooner?” Both reactions can hurt the resolution of the problem.

• Denial. Thinking “It can’t happen to us”.

Respond• Stay Calm. Remember that your natural first reaction will probably be anger. Take a few breathes and know that you being cool and level headed is important. Being emotional usually does not help.

• Listen first and do not judge. When you first talk to your child do not say anything. Let them do all the talking. Just listen and ask non-judgmental questions to keep the discussion going. Many times the kids just need to air out their feeling and emotions. These emotions and feeling may have been bottled up for some time. Let them release. Remember, do not to judge at this point. Do a lot of listening.

• Thank them for telling you and that it is all right and not their fault. Let them know that many others have been bullied like them. Tell them they did the right thing. That they are never at fault. Praise their bravery in coming to you and that you will make sure it stops. They need your love and support most at this point.

• Trust your child. At this point believe everything they tell you.

• Document, Document, Document. This is probably the most important yet most overlooked part of the resolution. You need to document everything. It is difficult to get action without documentation. Even this first conversation with our child. Write down what was discussed quickly before you forget the details.

• Let the child write about it. Have them sit down and write about the incidents. Not only will this provide more documentation but just as important this can be good therapy for the child. Feelings are important so do not forget to ask the child about their feelings.

• Tell them that you will fix the problem. Earn their trust.

ActWhile each case of bullying is different and may need to be handled slightly differently, there

are some basic steps that will apply to most cases.

• First sit down and calmly talk about the incident and all past incidents with your child. This is probably not an isolated occurrence. Write down all the details and have them write down everything including their feelings. Include exactly what happened. What lead up to the confrontation? What happened afterward? Names of people who witnessed it? Who your child reported the incident to and what they did? Times. Dates. Places. Everything you can think of. Finally have them write about how they feel about it. You need as much documentation as possible. Make copies for your files and ones to give the school. Make sure you do not write the “poison pen” letter blasting the school and threatening if they do not take immediate action. You need the school on “your “side.

• Set up a meeting with the teacher or bus supervisor. Try not to drive over to the school and walk right into the principle’s office. Again stay clam and keep the school on your side.

• Give a copy of your documentation of the incident to the teacher and give the school some time. Documentation is extremely important but the step that is often skipped. Document everything. Take the approach of “Asking them to help you”. Understand that most people, let alone teachers, are not trained in handling bullying. It is not the teacher’s fault that they have not been trained. It is a difficult and complex issue. Discuss the incident with them and the importance you place on quick resolution but give them time to investigate and respond to your documentation. Be polite but assertive.

• Request to know the immediate “next step” on the teacher’s part. It may be as simple as “I will discuss the incident with the principle, investigate the incident and get back to you tomorrow.” This way you will know your definite plan for your next step or how and when to follow up. Try not to end the meeting without a clear next step.

• Calmly but persistently follow up with the teacher. Emphasize that it is important because your child may be being hurt or damaged each day it goes on.

• After the initial teacher’s next action step make sure the school has a clear action plan with a timeline to resolve the problem. Make sure that one of the steps is not to have a meeting with both the bully and victim present. This is widely known not to work.

• Make sure clear and steady progress is taken to stop the bullying. Unfortunately the easiest thing for people to do in this difficult situation is to do nothing and hope that it either goes away or resolves itself. Do not let it stall. Keep pushing and politely demanding resolution.

• If clear action to resolve is not taken you cannot stop. As a last resort you will need to bring it to higher authority. Here is a suggested order as you bring the issue up the “Chain of Command”. Be persistent and be prepared to go higher. Remember to make people your ally along the way. Avoid blaming just seeks someone who can help you.

Make sure you keep a copies for your file:

1. Write a letter to the principle of the school after each incident.

2. Write a letter to the superintendent of the schools after each incident.

3. Write a letter to each member of the school board members separately after each incident.

4. Go to the school board meeting and speak out. There may be other families experiencing the same problem.

5. Hopefully you get action but if you do not you will then have to begin contacting your state representatives and the state education board.

6. You may have to retain and attorney’s help.

Do anything and everything you can.If the incident happens on the school bus you should make your initial contact with both their teacher

and the bus administration. You can use the same eight steps.

Some parents in frustration and desperation consider changing schools, home schooling, or using alternative options like alternative schools or school supplied tutors. Although this may deal with the immediate problem and stop the immediate bullying, it may not be the best or final answer. Often when a child changes schools the bullying will just continues there. Most of the time confronting and correcting the problem is the best way. Additionally the best defense is to teach your child how to keep from being bullied. Make sure that you invest in your child’s sense of self worth. They need to believe that they don’t deserve the bullying and that they are loved and valued.

When to call the police? You should contact the police if the incident is a serious crime. Think about it this way. Is what happened to your child something that someone could be charged with a criminal offense for? Serious physical or sexual assault should be reported. It is now beyond a school level incident. Matters like this should not be kept at the school level for the school’s sake too. When the bullying goes beyond the level of a serious crime the police should be involved or at least know of the incident. They can also help you with your documentation.

What about cyber-bullying? When schools try and get involved by disciplining the student for cyber- bullying actions that took place off-campus and outside of school hours, they are often sued for exceed-ing their authority and violating the student’s free speech right. They also, often lose. Schools can be very effective brokers in working with the parents to stop and remedy cyberbullying situations. They can also educate the students on cyberethics and the law. If schools are creative, they can sometimes avoid the claim that their actions exceeded their legal authority for off campus cyberbullying actions. I recommend that a provision is added to the school’s acceptable use policy reserving the right to discipline the student for actions taken off-campus if they are intended to have an effect on a student or they adversely affect the safety and well-being of student while in school. This makes it a contractual, not a constitutional, issue.

Parents need to be supportive of the child during this time. You may be tempted to give the “stick and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you” lecture, but words and cyberattacks can wound a child easily and have a lasting effect. These attacks follow them into your otherwise safe home and wherever they go online. And when up to 700 million accomplices can be recruited to help target or humiliate your child, the risk of emotional pain is very real, and very serious. Don’t brush it off.

Let the school know so the guidance counselor can keep an eye out for in-school bullying and for how your child is handling things. You may want to notify your pediatrician, family counselor or clergy for support if things progress. It is crucial that you are there to provide the necessary support and love. Make them feel secure. Children have committed suicide after having been cyberbullied, and in Japan one young girl killed another after a cyberbullying incident. Take it seriously.

Parents also need to understand that a child is just as likely to be a cyberbully as a victim of cyber- bullying and often go back and forth between the two roles during one incident. They may not even realize that they are seen as a cyberbully.

Your actions have to escalate as the threat and hurt to your child does. But there are two things you must consider before anything else. Is your child at risk of physical harm or assault? And how are they handling the attacks emotionally? If there is any indication that personal contact information has been posted online, or any threats are made to your child, you must run- do not walk to your local law enforce-ment agency (not the FBI). Take a print-out of all instances of cyberbullying to show them, but note that a print-out is not sufficient to prove a case of cyber-harassment or cyberbullying. You’ll need electronic evidence and live data for that.

Let the law enforcement agency know that the trained cyber-harassment volunteers at WiredSafety.org will work with them (without charge) to help them find the cyberbully offline and to evaluate the case. It is crucial that all electronic evidence is preserved to allow the person to be traced and to take whatever action needs to be taken. The electronic evidence is at risk for being deleted by the Internet service provid-ers unless you reach out and notify them that you need those records preserved. The police or volunteers at WiredSafety.org can advise you how to do that quickly. Using a monitoring product, like Spectorsoft, collects all electronic data necessary to report, investigate and prosecute your case (if necessary). While hopefully you will never need it, the evidence is automatically saved by the software in a form usable by law enforcement when you need it without you having to learn to log or copy header and IP information.

Cyberbullying. take it seriously!

RepairHere are step you can take immediately to repair the damage:

• Do anything you can to stop the bullying immediately. Your first priority is to stop all the bullying and protect your child. Each occurrence is an assault on your child that causes more damage with each incident. The damage is cumulative.

• Make your child feel safe and secure. They need more than ever to feel safe, secure and loved. They need your protection.

• Make sure they know that it is not their fault. Keep them from the natural behavior of blaming themselves. This can seriously damage their self esteem and self image. They will also get down on themselves for letting it happen or not doing anything.

• Remember to tell them that you are proud of them and love them. That it takes a lot of bravery to tell you about the bullying.

• Help them “Spill the Beans”. They need an outlet. It is easy to let the stress and pressure to build. They need to express their feelings. So help them talk about it and get it out.

• One great way to help them “Spill the Beans” is to have them write a story. For some kids this can be the best outlet for their feelings.

• Keep talking to them and asking how the bullying is going. Even if the problem seems like it is resolved do not stop talking about it and asking them questions. Let them know that it is okay and that it is important to continue to talk about it.

• Monitor if they are spending time with friends, watch for isolation and depression. Bullied kids may start to isolate themselves. Make sure you get them around other children. Seek out activities with others. Find them hobbies or interests to get involve in.

• You may want to look at using the services of a counselor or therapist. Your school counselor may be a good place to start.

• Become an anti-bullying activist. Sometimes being involved in a cause and having something positive to focus on can be very good. Let them and you become active in stopping bullying in your community. Find other victims and become a group for change.

• Look for other healing activities that build back self-esteem and self-confidence – karate, boy/girl scouts, church groups, sports, character building activities and programs.

PreventHere are some solid tips to help prevent that the young person in your life will not be bullied again.

• Build up their self-esteem and self confidence. This comes best through success. A child needs a string of consecutive successes to build confidence. Find an activity that they like and are good at. Do not let them flirt from activity to activity. Find out what they are good at and stick with it. It could be scouts, sports, band, dance or martial arts.

• Develop social skills. Sometimes bullies are attracted to kids with annoying or odd behavior. This behavior probably may already isolate them from their peers. It is certainly easier for bullies to pick on a child that is alone. Get them around other good kids. Join groups. Then show them friendship skills like giving first and doing things for others without expecting anything in return.

• Develop assertiveness. You can teach assertiveness. There are some kids that are never bullied. Teach your kids that it is O.K. to say no. You can use role-playing. Martial arts and competitive sports can help with assertiveness if done right.

• Get them more friends (loners are more likely to be picked on). Find ways to get them around more kids. Have them join groups. Join groups with them.

• Work to eliminate behaviors that may attract bullies. Help them identify behaviors that may attract bullies. Being hyperactive or a “know it all” are behaviors that can be modified.

• The Bully-Victim. This is a phenomenon that is increasing. This is a child that is both a bully and a victim of bullying. It can be a child being bullied at home then goes to school and bullies. It can be a child that has bully-like behavior like bossing others around or teasing others then ends up being bullied themselves. The key is to evaluate if they are bullying others, and work on stopping this right away.

• Teach them that any type of bullying is wrong.

• Teach them to assertively and strongly say “NO”. Empower them with verbal and physical skills. Teach them the power of body language and voice. Teach them the ability to say NO!

EliminateWhen you get to the final step it is a good one. After learning how to protect themselves against

bullying your child can get to the next level by taking the next step: protecting others against bullying.Remember that bullies need silence and secrecy to exist. Many bullying experts say that ultimately the “bystander” is the key to stop bullying. If other kids, peers, would step up and not tolerate bullying it would not exist. This can come in the form of individuals telling bullies to stop or friends helping the victim learn how to respond to the bully with kindness. The power comes when students stand up against bullying.

Parents can take a stand too. Become an activist, an activist for change. I have heard it said thatit takes a “village to raise a child.” It will take everybody. It will take the students, teachers, school administration, coaches and the whole community. First develop the ethos that bullying is an inappropriate behavior and that your school chooses to treat each other with genuine love and respect. Then quickly act to stop any incident. Make it very clear that consequences will come to any bullying or inappropriate behavior. When you are ready to discipline a student for bullying, make sure it is done out of love- with a compassionate heart that understands that this bully is hurting. After all, hurting people hurt people.

To take the process a step further, bring into your school a character development education program along for students, parents, teachers, staff and administrators. You must do all that you canto address this issue as a school body. This is the most effective way to experience the greatest change. This is where an assembly program like mine is perfect. In my program called “LOVE >HATE, I spend 50 minutes communicating the real dangers of hate speech, bullying, and violence. I spend a lot of time inspiring them to choose love over hate. This is not so much an antibullying message, but more of a Pro-LOVE message. When you communicate with students from this perspective, we have found the response to be vibrant! This can produce a positive learning environment for all. It can make middle and high school the best years of a child’s life. It can produce happy successful young adults.

Good character is essential to success!!

Brooks Gibbs is an author, speaker, and teen

life strategist. With more than a decade of

hands-on, real world experience, Brooks has

earned a reputation as a leading authority

on youth issues. Featured in Teen People

Magazine, The Washington Post, and inter-

viewed on CBS, his inspiring personal stories

and helpful strategies have reached more than

a million teens and counting.

booking info:

Chris Fisher

800.541.4660

chris@tfaspeakers.com

www .brooksgibbs.com