Perfection{ism}
an occupational hazard of giftedness
1
Try as hard as we may for
PERFECTION
the net result of our labors is an
amazing variety
of imperfectness.
1
We are surprised at
our own versatility in being able to
FAIL
in so many different ways.
~ Samuel McChord Crothers
What are some of the different
faces of perfectionism?
{According to Adelson & Wilson}
Academic Achiever
I must get
or the world will end.
I
Aggravated Accuracy Assessors
exactness and fixation on redos
Risk Evaders
If I can't do it perfectly,
I won't even try.
Controlling Image Managers
I could have it if I wanted it.
{but I'm pretending I don't want it}
Procrastinating
Perfectionists
{I'm putting off
turning in my
work because a
zero for not
turning it in is
not as bad as
earning an 80}
Consequences of
Perfectionism
please note:
Perfection{ism}
isn't always a problem
it can be
healthy
{here's how to tell}
ask these
questions
does the child
receive
pleasure from
working hard?
are the child's
standards based on
personal desire
{as opposed to outside pressure}?
is the child
capable of
relaxing?
is the child's
work
mastery
{rather than grade} -
oriented?
the correct
answer to all
of these
questions is
{yes}
it can also be
{un}healthy
{here's how to tell}
ask yourself
these
questions
are the child's
feelings about
his/her effort based
on external
evaluations?
is the child
incapable of
relaxing or letting
go?
is the child
motivated by low
self-esteem?
is the child
unsatisfied with
even a high level of
effort?
the desirable answer
to these questions is
{no}
there is a difference between
perfection{ism}
and the pursuit of excellence
Thanks {I think}.
But now what?
here are some
{big} ideas
and specific techniques
Excellent is good enough
encourage
{excellence and mastery}
as opposed to
{perfection}
from 1 - 5 assign each task a level
1 just make sure it's done
{little pillows optional}
do your absolute best
5 {something really important's at stake}
perfectionists
think everything is
a five
when really most
tasks are about a
three.
What Ithaka has to teach us
is that it's not about getting there
It's the journey,
and it always was.
kids need to
develop these
traits
and they do that through reading
and hearing about people who
have them
Try...
Carol Dweck's Mindset Angela Duckworth's Grit Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers
or biographies (try ones about
Ernest Shackelton or other
explorers)
Don't be
your own
worst
enemy.
although the
following quote
is true…
The harder
you work,
the harder it
is to
surrender. {vince lombardi}
it is also important to learn
{goal disengagement}
50
There will
be no
crossing
this bridge
when you
come to it.
that's not quitting {it's common sense}
and then you prepare to
re-engage
52
adults need to teach
kids how to avoid
self-talk mistakes
they shouldn't hear "I'm
so stupid“ from us
unless it's what we want
them to say
develop an
"ask, don't tell" policy
no one likes being
told how to feel
Model strategies for dealing with
{stress}.
This is NOT
the only
strategy!
Just do it. {nike totally had this right}
there's no need to spend
20 hours on one
assignment {doing it over and over and over}
don't turn
school
work into
this kind
of thing
because
even a tea
party gets
old after
awhile
Warning:
due dates are
closer than they
appear
Work is never done.
It’s just due.
Just DO it. paraphrased from Linda Kapfer
Be a
Weeble
and a
Bozo.
because it
turns out
that a fat, round
bottom is a
really good thing.
Weebles wobble,
but they don't
{fall down}
we want to teach
kids to rock back
up when they
get knocked down
Resilience is
made
of ordinary
magic.
This little
girl took
her own
cancer
and used
it to help
others.
{to the
tune of
$45
million} www.alexslemonade.org
Sometimes,
failure is
a perfectly
acceptable
option.
If you get 100 right away,
you will never grow.
Don't try for 100 - try for growing.
embrace the Amish mistake
because no one is perfect
Adults must provide
support in
dealing with failure.
{real or perceived}
Have a “favorite mistake”
board in the house or
classroom to share
things that went wrong.
Practice Predictions worst,
best,
most likely
outcome
photo credit vjeran2001 @sxc.hu
80
"Eeyore,"
said Owl,
"Christopher
Robin is giving a
party."
80
"Very interesting,"
said Eeyore. "I
suppose they will be
sending me down
the odd bits which
got trodden on.
Kind and thoughtful.
Not at all, don't
mention it."
81
don't be Eeyore
82
because everyone
is NOT really
against you
Don't stand in
the shallow end
forever.
ask: is it my problem, or does it
belong to someone else? {because there is no sense stealing other people’s problems}
What is the problem?
What are you doing to solve the problem?
What are you willing to do differently?
Repeat as necessary.
Repeat as necessary.
Would you like to hear what others have tried?
Would you be willing to …?
I’ll let Voltaire have
the last word on this.
The perfect is the enemy of the good.
Presentation Created by
Lisa Van Gemert giftedguru.com
92
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