Personal Relationship

Josefino T. Larena ,ABCPS,CPE,MPA

Learning Objectives

• Discuss an understanding of teenage relationship, including the acceptable and unacceptable expressions of attractions.

• Express his or her ways of showing attraction, love and commitment.

• Identify ways to become responsible in a relationship and

• Appraise one’s relationships and make plans for building responsible future relationship.

What is Personal Relationship• The concept of relationship is

very broad and complex. In our model, personal relationships refer to close connections between people, formed by emotional bonds and interactions. These bonds often grow from and are strengthened by mutual experiences.

A healthy relationship with friends is a source of lifetime happiness

How are attachments developed• Attachment theory is a concept in developmental

psychology that concerns the importance of "attachment" in regards to personal development. Specifically, it makes the claim that the ability for an individual to form an emotional and physical "attachment" to another person gives a sense of stability and security necessary to take risks, branch out, and grow and develop as a personality. Naturally, attachment theory is a broad idea with many expressions, and the best understanding of it can be had by looking at several of those expressions in turn.

John Bowlby

• Psychologist John Bowlby was the first to coin the term. His work in the late 60s established the precedent that childhood development depended heavily upon a child's ability to form a strong relationship with "at least one primary caregiver". Generally speaking, this is one of the parents.

Attachment styles as defined by by Ainsworth,Blekar and Wall 1978

• 1.Secure attachment is classified by children who show some distress when their caregiver leaves but are able to compose themselves and do something knowing that their caregiver will return. Children with secure attachment feel protected by their caregivers, and they know that they can depend on them to return.

• 2.Avoidant Attachment-Parents of children with an avoidant/anxious attachment tend to be emotionally unavailable or unresponsive to them a good deal of the time. They disregard or ignore their children's needs, and can be especially rejecting when their child is hurt or sick.

• 3. Anxious-ambivalent attachment is when the infant feels separation anxiety when separated from the caregiver and does not feel reassured when the caregiver returns to the infant. Anxious-avoidant attachment is when the infant avoids their parents. Disorganized attachment is when there is a lack of attachment behavior.

3 Brain Systems of Love: Lust, Attraction, and Attachment

• While love is complicated and can’t simply be reduced to three biological brain states, there are clear neurochemical processes that do contribute to feelings of love. While not called ‘love’, the desire to mate with a specific individual is not limited to humans, but exists across many species. The drive to find a mate, bond, and reproduce is called the ‘attraction system’. This system is made up of three fundamental pathways -- lust, attraction and attachment – which occur in both birds and mammals (including humans).

What Drives Attraction

• 1. Lust-Is sex really all that guys think about? Possibly. But women think about it too. Lust is our sex drive or libido and it is in part driven by the hormones testosterone and estrogen. Lust refers to an urge or desire that motivates us to partake in sexual activity. This desire to be involved in sexual activity is there regardless of whether someone has a sexual partner or not.

• 2 Attraction -Although often described as part of lust, attraction is distinguished from lust because it involves focusing our attention to a particular person or desire. Lust on the other hand is our libido; it is the underlying urge for sexual gratification. Attraction is also in part driven by different hormones than is lust, with adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin playing key roles. Ultimately, engaging in sexual activity may be just as dependent upon individual attraction as it is upon lust

• 3. Attachment- Attachment is a deep and enduring emotional bond that connects one person to another across time and space (Ainsworth, 1973; Bowlby, 1969).

• We have previously presented the biological model of love as anthropologist Helen Fisher explained in her theory that the experience of love comes in three overlapping stages and where certain hormones are involved in each stage lust, attraction and attachment.

The Rozenberg Quarterly mentions several theories on attraction

• 1. Transference effect-Transference is a phenomenon characterized by unconscious redirection of feelings from one person to another.

• 2. Propinquity Effect-The propinquity effect is the tendency for people to form friendships or romantic relationships with those whom they encounter often, forming a bond between subject and friend. Occupational propinquity, based on a person's career, is also commonly seen as a factor in marriage selection

• Similarity-the state of being similar; likeness; resemblance. 2. an aspect, trait, or feature like or resembling another or another's: a similarity of diction.

• Reciprocity-In social psychology, reciprocity is a social rule that says people should repay, in kind, what another person has provided for them; that is, people give back (reciprocate) the kind of treatment they have received from another.

• 5.Physical attractiveness is the degree to which a person's physical features are considered aesthetically pleasing or beautiful. The term often implies sexual attractiveness or desirability, but can also be distinct from either.

• Personality Characteristics and Traits-

• Five major traits underlie personality, according to psychologists. They are introversion/extroversion, openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness and neuroticism.

Love and Intimacy

Love is beautiful

Three components of Triangular theory of love

• 1.Intimacy-An intimate relationship is an interpersonal relationship that involves physical and/or emotional intimacy. Physical intimacy is characterized by friendship, platonic love, romantic love or sexual activity.

• 2. Commitment- a promise to do or give something. : a promise to be loyal to someone or something. : the attitude of someone who works very hard to do or support something.

• 3. Passion- is a very strong feeling about a person or thing. Passion is an intense emotion, a compelling enthusiasm or desire for something.

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love

Commitment Saying Yes and Meaning It

Rozenberg QUARTERLY

• 1.Accumulation of all rewards of the relationship

• 2.Temptation of Alternative partners

• 3. Investments made by the couple in the relationship

Four Behaviors married couples may do that can predict a divorce or separation• Criticism

• Denial of the existence of conflict

• 3. Contempt

Responsibilities in a Relationship

• 1. Be Responsible for what you think and say to other person

• 2.Be responsible for what you think and say to your family

• 3. Ensure the relationship is mutually beneficial

• 4. Respect the other party or parties involved

• Be ready to provide support when needed

Summarizing

• Relationship are necessary for our survival as species and as an individual. Relationship define our own humanity, because through our interaction with others, we learn about human behaviour and emotions, and how to communicate with each other.

Thank you so much