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HappyDays

A New Musical

Based on the Paramount Pictures Television Series

“Happy Days” created by Garry Marshall

Arrangements and Orchestrations

by John McDaniel

samuelfrench.com

A Samuel French Acting Edition

Book by

Garry Marshall

Music & Lyrics

by Paul Williams

Copyright © 2010 by CBS Studios, Inc.

Happy Days Artwork Copyright © 2010

Henderson Production Co., Inc.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that HAPPY DAYS - A NEW MUSICAL is subject to a Licensing Fee. It is fully protected

under the copyright laws of the United States of America, the British

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right Union. All rights, including professional, amateur, motion picture,

recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television and

the rights of translation into foreign languages are strictly reserved. In its

present form the play is dedicated to the reading public only.

The amateur live stage performance rights to HAPPY DAYS, A NEW MUSICAL are controlled exclusively by Samuel French, Inc., and licens-

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Particular emphasis is laid on the question of amateur or professional

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from Samuel French, Inc.

Copying from this book in whole or in part is strictly forbidden by

law, and the right of performance is not transferable.

Whenever the play is produced the following notice must appear on

all programs, printing and advertising for the play: “Produced by special

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advertising for the play.

ISBN 978-0-573-69829-3 Printed in U.S.A. #29294

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RENTAL MATERIALS

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Drums, Guitar, Keyboard 2, Reed, Trombone, Trumpet, and 20 Vocal

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performances, the rental fee and a refundable deposit.

Please contact Samuel French for perusal of the music materials as well

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IMPORTANT BILLING AND CREDIT

REQUIREMENTS

All Producers of HAPPY DAYS - A NEW MUSICAL, must give credit to the

Author and Composer of the Play in all programs distributed in connec-

tion with performances of the Play, and in all instances in which the title

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wise exploiting the Play and/or a production. The name of the Author

and Composer must appear side by side on a separate line on which no

other name appears, immediately following the title and must appear in

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tion, the following credit “Based on the Paramount Pictures Television

Series Created by Garry Marshall” contractually must appear below the

author’s credit in size of type no less than fi fty percent of the size of the

author’s type.

In addition the following credit must be given on all title pages in all

programs:

HAPPY DAYS

A NEW MUSICAL

Book by Music & Lyrics by

Garry Marshall Paul Williams

Based on the Paramount Pictures television series “Happy Days”

Created by Garry Marshall

*Arrangements and Orchestrations by

John McDaniel

Originally produced at the Falcon Theatre, Burbank, CA

Produced and Directed by Garry Marshall

Ronny Hallin, Producer Kathleen Ward Marshall, Producer

Subsequently Produced for the Goodspeed Opera House

by Michael P. Price, Executive Producer

Subsequently Produced by Paper Mill Playhouse, Millburn, New Jersey

Subsequently Produced for the North American National Tour

by Bob Boyett, Nice Productions, Inc., McCoy Rigby Entertainment

CBS Corporation, Tom Miller and La Mirada Theatre

for the Performing Arts.

Happy Days song courtesy of CBS Studios, Inc., Lyrics by Norman Gimbel,

Music by Charles Fox.

*Please note this credit must appear in the same size as the production design credits are listed (set, costume, lighting designers, etc.).

(100%)

(50%)

(25%)

The premiere of the fi rst National Tour of HAPPY DAYS - A NEW MUSICAL was at the La Mirada Theater for the Performing Arts in La

Mirada, California on November 1, 2008. The performance was directed

by Gordon Greenberg, with music direction by Bruce Barnes and cho-

reography by Michele Lynch, with sets by Walt Spangler, costumes by

David C. Woolard, lighting by Jeff Croiter, sound by Julie Ferrin, and

hair/wigs/makeup by Judi Lewin. The production stage manager was

Lynda A. Lavin. The cast was as follows:

ARTHUR “THE FONZ” FONZARELLI . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Joey Sorge

RICHIE CUNNINGHAM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Steven Booth

MARION CUNNINGHAM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Cynthia Ferrer

HOWARD CUNNINGHAM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . John Massey

JOANIE CUNNINGHAM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Whitney Bashor

WARREN “POTSIE” WEBBER . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Justin Michael Duval

RALPH MALPH . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . James Michael Lambert

CHARLES “CHACHI” ARCOLA . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Chris Fore

PINKY TUSCADERO . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Felicia Finley

ARNOLD DELVECCHIO . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Barry Pearl

LORI BETH ALLEN/CALENDAR GIRL . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Molly Alvarez

BULLY/LEOPARD MANNY MOON/

MYRON “COUNT” MALACHI/ELVIS . . . . . . . . . . . . . Matt Merchant

LEOPARD MAC GATES/JUMPY MALACHI/JAMES DEAN . . . . .Matt Walker

PINKETTE LOLA/CAR HOP/

CALENDAR GIRL/ENSEMBLE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Leah Sprecher

PINKETTE TINA/CAR HOP/

CALENDAR GIRL/ENSEMBLE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Gabrielle Reid

ENSEMBLE/NERD GIRL . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jill Morrison

ENSEMBLE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Joseph Keane

SWING . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jaclyn Miller

SWING . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jeff Summer

CHARACTERS

ARTHUR “THE FONZ” FONZARELLI - The king of cool, sexy, funny and loaded with charisma, older than the other kids. In his late teens or early 20’s. He wears jeans, white t-shirt, and black leather jacket and motorcycle boots at all times except when he works in the garage where he wears mechanics coveralls.

RICHIE CUNNINGHAM - High school student, Fonzie’s best friend, all American, honest, reliable.

PINKY TUSCADERO - Fonzie’s love interest, sexy, confi dent, tough and a body to die for. Motorcycle daredevil. Same age as Fonzie.

HOWARD CUNNINGHAM - Richie’s dad, the quintessential mid-western head of household. A man in his 40’s.

MARION CUNNINGHAM - Richie’s mom, warm, naïve and wise. In her 40’s.

JOANIE CUNNINGHAM - Richie’s younger sister, 15-16 years old, lovable, precocious and has a big crush on Chachi

CHARLES “CHACHI” ARCOLA - Fonzie’s cousin who tries to be just like him. Probably 15 or 16. Likes Joanie.

RALPH MALPH - High school buddy of Richie’s. He is the class clown.

WARREN “POTSIE”WEBBER - High school buddy of Richie’s, not very cool but tries hard to be. He is a bit of a nerd.

BULLY/LEOPARD MANNY MOON/MYRON “COUNT” MALACHI/ELVIS -

BULLY - big tough guy

LEOPARD MANNY MOON - Howard’s Leopard Lodge brother and principal of the High School

MYRON “COUNT” MALACHI - ½ of Malachi brothers, Fonzie’s nem-esis, greaser type, overly dramatic, in his 20’s

ELVIS - Elvis Presley circa late ‘50’s

LEOPARD MAC GATES/JUMPY MALACHI/JAMES DEAN -

LEOPARD MAC GATES - Howard’s Leopard Lodge brother

JUMPY MALACHI - Other ½ of the Malachi brothers, fi lled with ner-vous energy, greaser type, in his 20’s

JAMES DEAN - the 1950’s movie icon

ARNOLD DELVECCHIO - A man in his 50’s, owner of Arnold’s malt shop, member of the Leopard Lodge

LORI BETH ALLEN/CALENDAR GIRL - Sweet, lovely, “girl next door” type. Richie’s girlfriend, high school student

PINKETTE LOLA/ CAR HOP GIRL/CALENDAR GIRL/ENSEMBLE - hot looking dancer/singer

PINKETTE TINA/CAR HOP GIRL/CALENDAR GIRL/ENSEMBLE - hot looking dancer/singer

ENSEMBLE GIRL/CALENDAR GIRL/NERD GIRL - dancer/singer

ENSEMBLE BOY - dancer/singer

Doubled roles can be given to individual actors for larger casts or can be

doubled in any way that is convenient to the production. This is the way

roles were played on tour.

SCENES AND MUSICAL NUMBERS

Milwaukee, Wisconsin-1959

ACT I

Scene 1, A Milwaukee Street & Arnold’s

“Welcome to Wisconsin” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Company

“Snap” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Fonzie & Car Hops

Scene 2, Cunningham Back Yard

“The Thing About Girls” . . . . . . . . . . . . . Richie, Chachi, Potsie, Ralph

“Romeo Midnight” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The Dial-Tones

“Oooooh Bop” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Fonzie & The Dial-Tones

Scene 3, The Leopard Lodge

“Leopards Are We” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Howard & The Leopards

“The Plaque” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Howard & The Leopards

Scene 4, Arnold’s

“The Pink’s in Town” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Pinky & The Pinkettes

“Malachi’s” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jumpy & Count Malachi

Scene 5, Bronko’s Garage

“Heartbeat” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Fonzie & Chachi

“The Famous Bronze” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Howard

Scene 6, The Cunningham’s House

“What I Dreamed Last Night” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Marion & Joanie

Scene 7, Arnold’s

“Message in the Music” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Pinky & Company

“Maybe It’s Time to Move On” . . . Fonzie, The Dial-Tones & Company

ACT II

Scene 1, Arnold’s & the Road

“Run” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Richie, Chachi, Potsie, Ralph

“Legend in Leather” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Pinky

“Aaay’mless” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Fonzie, Pinky, Car Hops

Scene 2, Arnold’s

“Malachi’s” (Reprise) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jumpy & Count Malachi

Scene 3, The Cunningham’s House

“What I Dreamed Last Night” (Reprise) . . . . . Pinky, Marion, & Joanie

Scene 4, Cunningham Back yard

“Guys Like Us” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Fonzie & The Guys

Scene 5, Pfi ster Park

“Hot Love” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The Dial-Tones

“Dancing on the Moon” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Fonzie & Pinky

“Ordinary Hero” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Company

Scene 6, Jefferson High Prom

“Finale” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Company

9

ACT ONE

Scene One

(MILWAUKEE, WISCONSIN – 1959)

(An illusion of a suburban Milwaukee street-morning. RICHIE CUNNINGHAM enters on a bicycle with a radio in the basket.)

(Music slowly starts with the fi rst part of Happy Days.)

VOICES. (offstage) SUNDAY, MONDAY, HAPPY DAYS

TUESDAY, WEDNESDAY, HAPPY DAYS

THURSDAY, FRIDAY, HAPPY DAYS

SATURDAY, WHAT A DAY

GROOVIN’ ALL WEEK WITH YOU

RICHIE. (V.O.) (listening to himself on the radio, announcing his high school baseball game, over above lyrics) It’s a ground

ball to short, Malph over to Webber for one…oh,

Potsie throws wide to fi rst base, but Chachi comes off

the bag to make the tag, double play. Jefferson wins.

This is Richie Cunningham with the highlights of this

weeks 1959 City Championships of Milwaukee.

(RICHIE turns off radio with a smile.)

(to audience) Yeah, that was me, Richie Cunningham,

working at the local radio station…but now I’ve got

bigger fi sh to fry.

(Music starts.)

I’m graduating high school and I’m blowing this pop

stand to go see the world…but at the moment, this is

my world. And when I want to know what’s happening

around here, I know just where to go. London has the

BBC, New York has the Times, and we have Arnold’s.

H A P P Y D AY S , A N E W M U S I C A L10

(Arnold’s Malt Shop appears as CAST comes out and sings as RICHIE moves his bicycle offstage.)

(In Arnold’s there is a jukebox on one side and a large poster size photo of FONZIE on the other side wall. There are only two booths.)

“WELCOME TO WISCONSIN”

ALL EXCEPT FONZIE.

SOCK HOP, SODA POP, MEETING AT THE MALT SHOP…

PART OF GROWING UP AROUND HERE

WELCOME TO WISCONSIN

MAKE YOURSELF TO HOME

(ARNOLD comes by wearing his white apron and hat.)

RICHIE. Hi, Arnold. Malted with two straws.

ARNOLD. You got it, Rich!

(RICHIE puts his arm around LORI BETH and then goes to guys.)

ENSEMBLE.

DUCKTAILS, TUCK AND ROLL, LEARNING HOW TO DO THE

STROLL

GORGEOUS UNDER ALL THOSE CLOTHES

HEAVEN’S IN WISCONSIN

MAKE YOURSELF TO HOME

POTSIE. Hey, Richie!

RALPH. We missed you at rehearsal yesterday.

RICHIE. (to audience) These are my friends, Ralph and Potsie.

CHACHI. I cut shop class to rehearse.

RICHIE. And that’s Chachi. We have a singing group, the

“Dial-Tones.”

DIAL TONES.

OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH, WAH

(RICHIE points. JOANIE is twirling a baton. She throws it and misses it.)

RICHIE. And this is my perfect mom, perfect dad and not

yet perfect sister.

(HOWARD, MARION and JOANIE are arguing.)

11H A P P Y D AY S , A N E W M U S I C A L

JOANIE. But you wouldn’t have to drive me to baton twirl-

ing lessons if I had a car.

HOWARD. Who can afford it with gas prices skyrocketing?

MARION. Oh, honey, I’m sure prices can’t get any higher

than twelve cents a gallon.

(JOANIE stomps to a corner to sulk.)

RICHIE.

I RICHIE CUNNINGHAM

WILL DOCUMENT THESE DAYS

OF HULA HOOPS AND POODLE SKIRTS

THE LATEST TV CRAZE

I’LL WRITE OF OLD MILWAUKEE

AND I’LL ALWAYS WRITE THE TRUTH ABOUT THIS FROZEN

CITY

WHERE I SHIVERED THROUGH MY YOUTH

I’M OFF TO TELL THE WORLD

THE STORIES THAT ARE MINE

THE LAUGHTER AND THE LEGENDS OF

THE CLASS OF ’59

I’LL WRITE OF INSPIRATION POINT

AND LOVES THAT NEVER END

I’LL WRITE ABOUT OUR HERO AND PROTECTOR

MY BEST FRIEND

FONZARELLI

ALL.

ARTHUR FONZARELLI

GIRLS.

THE DREAMIEST, SCREAMIEST

ALL.

THE FONZ

(Suddenly out of the crowd, FONZIE emerges.)

FONZIE. Aaaay!

ALL. (They rush towards him and clap happily) Fonzie!

FONZIE. Whoa!

(There is a general hubbub around FONZIE, after a beat, he snaps his fi ngers and everybody stops. He turns to RICHIE.)

H A P P Y D AY S , A N E W M U S I C A L12

FONZIE. (cont.) Anybody in my offi ce, Red?

RICHIE. No, Fonz. The men’s room is empty.

FONZIE. Good. There’s a chick’s phone number I wrote on

the wall that’s in need of a loving call.

RICHIE.

EVERY STORY’S GOTTA HAVE A HERO

NOTHING MORE IMPORTANT TO THE PLOT

WELL HE’S GOTTA HAVE COURAGE

AND HE’S GOTTA BE STRONG

(FONZIE exits offstage towards the bathroom.)

GIRLS.

THE ONE WORD DESCRIPTION IS HOT, HOT

HOT, HOT, HOT, HOT

(Suddenly, a tough-looking BULLY type enters, pushing RALPH into the booth knocking over cups.)

BULLY. (shouts) Hey! Outta my way dorks and dorkettes. I’m

hungry.

RICHIE. Lori Beth, he looks familiar.

LORI BETH. (to RICHIE, spraying spit on his shirt) It’s that big

bad bully, Sam Cicero, from the South side of Syca-

more Street.

BULLY. (to LORI BETH) Who are you?

RICHIE. My girlfriend, Lori Beth.

BULLY. (to RICHIE) What are you looking at?

RICHIE. Your tattoo! I never saw the word “Mother” spelled

with a “U.”

(CROWD laughs then BULLY grabs RICHIE’s arm.)

BULLY. You making fun of my arm? I’m going to twist yours

off.

LORI BETH & ALL. (ad lib) Don’t hurt Richie.

(As BULLY twists RICHIE’s arm, FONZIE re-enters from bathroom. He snaps and everyone stops!)

FONZIE. Am I interrupting something?

BULLY. (holding RICHIE’s arm) Oh, hey Fonz, I was just

admiring his wrist watch.

13H A P P Y D AY S , A N E W M U S I C A L

(RICHIE pulls his wrist away from BULLY.)

RALPH. (telling truth) No he wasn’t, Fonzie. He was twisting

Richie’s arm and he pushed me so hard a straw went

up my nose and I spilled my –

(FONZIE snaps fi ngers and RALPH stops talking.)

FONZIE. Hey Red. You alright?

RICHIE. I think so.

BULLY. You stoolie!

(BULLY goes to grab RALPH but, FONZIE suddenly grabs the BULLY’s throat.)

FONZIE. I’m just admiring your Adam’s Apple. And if I

ever see you around here again, I’ll peel it, slice it and

squeeze it for juice!

(FONZIE shows BULLY out and exits with him.)

RICHIE.

FRIDAY NIGHT AND ALL IS RIGHT

FOR TEENS AND DREAMERS

LUCKY STARS AND SPUTNIK UP ABOVE

FONZ AND ELVIS PUTTING UP WITH

FANS AND SCREAMERS

FRIDAY NIGHT’S THE NIGHT THEY FALL IN LOVE

EVERYONE ELSE.

WOOOO AYI YAI YAI YAI

WOOOO AYI YAI YAI WAH

RICHIE.

LOOK AT MY FRIENDS, THEY’RE A NOISY BUNCH

BUT, GOOD GUYS, ROCKING DOLLS

TYPICAL TEENS FROM HOMETOWN U.S.A…

THEY’RE RAISED ON WHITE BREAD AND APPLE PIE

THEY’RE NOT ALL CHAMPIONS BUT THEY ALWAYS TRY

AND THEY LOOK TO FONZ FOR ANSWERS

TO THE PROBLEMS OF THE DAY

AND THEY TREAT HIM LIKE A HERO, YES

IT’LL ALWAYS BE THAT WAY

H A P P Y D AY S , A N E W M U S I C A L14

KIDS.

SOCK HOP, SODA POP, MEETING

AT THE MALT SHOP

PART OF GROWING UP AROUND

HERE

WELCOME TO WISCONSIN

MAKE YOURSELF TO HOME

LET’S ALL GO AND

RICHIE.

I, RICHIE CUNNINGHAM,

WILL DOCUMENT THESE DAYS

OF HULA HOOPS AND POODLE SKIRTS

THE LATEST TV CRAZE

KIDS.

DUCKTAILS, TUCK AND

ROLL,

LEARNING HOW TO DO

THE STROLL

GORGEOUS UNDER ALL

THOSE CLOTHES

WELCOME TO WISCONSIN

MAKE YOURSELF TO HOME

SOCK HOP, SODA POP,

MEETING AT THE MALT

SHOP

LISTEN THAT’S LOVE ON

THE RADIO

A SINGING DESCRIPTION

OF THE WORLD WE

KNOW

OUR SONG, YOURS AND

MINE

JEFFERSON HIGH SCHOOL

CLASS OF 1959

BUT WE LOVE A SOCK HOP

MEETING AT THE MALT

SHOP

DRINKING LOTS OF SODA

POP

WE DANCE ALL NIGHT

UNTIL WE DROP AND

RICHIE.

I, RICHIE

CUNNINGHAM,

WILL FIGHT THE

GOOD FIGHT

RAISE JOURNALISTIC

STANDARDS

TO THEIR HIGHEST

HEIGHTS

SUNDAY, MONDAY,

HAPPY DAYS

LIFE AT ITS BEST

OUR HAPPY DAYS

I’LL EMULATE MY

HERO

I’LL WRITE OF OLD

MILWAUKEE

ABOUT THE MAGIC

CITY

AND THE

BRILLIANCE

OF

HER

YOUTH

ARNOLD.

YOU’RE FAMILY AT

ARNOLD’S

WELCOME AT

ARNOLD’S

AHHH

AHHH

AHHH

THURSDAY, FRIDAY,

HAPPY DAYS

IN THE HEART

OF OLD

MILWAUKEE

YOU’RE WELCOME

AT ARNOLD’S

YOU’RE FAMILY

AT ARNOLD’S

CUNNINGHAMS.

SUNDAY,

MONDAY,

HAPPY DAYS

LIFE AT ITS BEST

OUR HAPPY

DAYS

THURSDAY,

FRIDAY,

HAPPY DAYS

IN THE HEART

OF OLD

MILWAUKEE

ALWAYS

BE

THAT

15H A P P Y D AY S , A N E W M U S I C A L

KIDS.

SOCK HOP, SODA POP, MEETING

AT THE MALT SHOP,

PART OF GROWIN’ UP AROUND

HERE.

WELCOME TO WISCONSIN.

MAKE YOURSELF TO HOME

THESE HAPPY DAYS ARE YOURS

AND MINE

EVERYONE ELSE.

THESE DAYS ARE OURS

HAPPY AND FREE

OH BABY

THESE HAPPY DAYS ARE YOURS AND MINE

THESE HAPPY DAYS ARE YOURS AND MINE

(FONZIE enters and snaps fi ngers! Everything stops! Girls run to FONZIE. All fi nish song together.)

ALL.

MY HAPPY DAYS!

ARNOLD. Alright…I’m closing up early tonight, kids.

CROWD. Awww!

ARNOLD. No awwws! Let’s vamoose.

RICHIE. That’s O.K. I’m going to study with Lori Beth…at

Inspiration Point.

FONZIE. (quickly) Way to go Cunningham, but be gone by

6:00. I got a date with a girl from Green Bay who is

Vince Lombardi’s niece.

(ARNOLD moans.)

Why is Arnold is making that weird noise.

(ARNOLD moans again.)

Maybe he ate his own chili dog.

RICHIE. Arnold, what’s wrong?

ARNOLD. I’m done. I’m fi nished.

RICHIE. What do you mean?

ARNOLD. This big construction company, Wells, Winter and

Wacker. They bought the land Arnold’s is on. They’re

gonna make it into a parking lot and something called

a “mall.”

RICHIE. That is unthinkable, unforgivable…

FONZIE. And unlikely. Arnold’s is a part of our town, like

Pfi ster Park, Shotz Brewery, and Cunningham Hard-

ware. I met you right there. (point to stage left booth)

H A P P Y D AY S , A N E W M U S I C A L16

RICHIE. I remember…I was thirteen and you stole my

lunch.

FONZIE. Yeah, and you didn’t tell nobody. That’s how I

knew you were ok. And Arnold’s has always been here.

The city fathers will say ixnay, mayday, no way, José.

ARNOLD. Wrong, Fonz.

FONZIE. What? I’m never wrroo – The Fonz is never wrroo –

ARNOLD. Still can’t say the word “Wrong.”

RICHIE. I know, he never could. But is there anything we

can do about Wells, Winter and Wacker?

ARNOLD. Help me raise money to outbid them.

FONZIE. Hey, I’m on it.

ARNOLD. I gotta go close up. Tomorrow morning I’m meet-

ing this guy who wants me to go into the restaurant

business with him. His name is Denny something.

(ARNOLD leaves.)

RICHIE. Gosh darn it. There goes any studying tonight. I

won’t be able to focus. I’ll be worrying about Arnold’s.

Maybe I’ll talk to my dad.

FONZIE. No, I’ll handle it. You go do your homework. I’ve

got a million ideas.

RICHIE. What kind of ideas?

FONZIE. (yells) Go!

(RICHIE exits.)

I got no ideas…but I will. They expect it from the Fonz.

(We transition to exterior Arnolds parking lot where lights are overhead.)

“SNAP”

FONZIE.

I WALK BY A MIRROR

IT SINGS OUT TO ME

SAYS ‘HELLO BOY, YOU’RE GAZING AT PERFECTION’

LOOKING LIKE A HERO

EVERY HAIR IN PLACE

I’M BUILT FOR SPEED AND PASSIONATE INSPECTION

17H A P P Y D AY S , A N E W M U S I C A L

I WAS A CHILD OF THE STREETS

THE SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS

WAS MY ONLY SCHOOL

TOUGH SLICE OF LIFE ON MY PLATE

BUT, I’M MASTER OF MY FATE

I GOT A BLACK BELT IN COOL

(Two GIRLS in carhop outfi ts enter and sing with him. Optional- the carhops can be on roller skates.)

FONZIE. (cont.)YOU JUST SNAP YOUR FINGERS

AND THE SUN BREAKS THROUGH THE GREY CLOUDS

SNAP YOUR FINGERS AND THE MUSIC STARTS TO PLAY

CROWDS GATHER ALL AROUND ME

CENTER STAGE WHERE I BELONG

GIRLS.

IF LOVE’S A DANCE THEN

FONZIE IS OUR SONG

GIRLS.

SINGING

AYI

AYI AYI

AYI

AYI AYI AYI AYI

AYI

AYI AYI

AYI

FONZIE.

WHEN THERE’S TROUBLE ALL

AROUND ME

AND THERE’S PROBLEMS TO BE

SOLVED

WITHOUT ME THE WORLD WOULD

WONDER

WHICH DIRECTION IT REVOLVED

GIRLS.

AND HE DOES IT WITH A SNAP

(ARNOLD crosses.)

ARNOLD. Night, Fonz. Forget about me. It’s not your prob-

lem.

(Light fl ickers on ARNOLD sign above.)

I gotta fi x that light!

H A P P Y D AY S , A N E W M U S I C A L18

(He exits. FONZIE snaps and the light comes back on.)

FONZIE.

NEVER COULD EXPLAIN IT

I’VE ALWAYS HAD THIS GIFT

BROKEN ENGINES START TO PURR BENEATH MY FINGERS

GIRLS.

WHEN IT COMES TO PURRING

FONZIE HAS THE TOUCH

AND HIS KILLER KISSES CAST A SPELL THAT LINGERS

FONZIE.

I WALK ALONE IT’S BY CHOICE

AIN’T NO ‘LONELY’ IN MY VOICE

SO DON’T SPRING THAT TENDER TRAP

CHRISTMAS ALONE I DO FINE

DON’T NEED NO VALENTINE

SOLITARY IS A SNAP!

GIRLS & FONZIE.

AND HE DOES IT WITH A SNAP

HE DOES IT WITH AN “AAAY”

HE DOES IT WITH A “WHOA”

HE DOES IT WITH A SNAP

YEAH HE DOES IT WITH A…

YEAH HE DOES IT WITH A…

YEAH HE DOES IT WITH A…

(Lights out on ARNOLD’s sign.)

19H A P P Y D AY S , A N E W M U S I C A L

Scene Two

(EXTERIOR CUNNINGHAM HOUSE – MORNING)

(On the Cunningham back steps, leading up to Fonzie’s apartment above the Cunningham garage. There is a wooden sign pointing up the steps saying “The Fonz.” The Cunninghams’ trash cans are beside the steps. RICHIE is talking to LORI BETH near the steps.)

LORI BETH. I just wanted you to know another couple,

Trixie Futterman and Skinny Minota, are getting

engaged before they go off to college.

RICHIE. Don’t you think that’s rushing things, Lori Beth?

LORI BETH. Even Ella Figgs has a ring.

RICHIE. Ella Figgs? Doesn’t she have a reputation?

LORI BETH. What do you mean? She is as pure as snow.

RICHIE. I heard she drifted.

LORI BETH. (scolding) Richard…

RICHIE. I’ll see you at the test. I gotta meet the guys for a

quick rehearsal.

(He kisses her goodbye. LORI BETH goes off. FONZIE comes down steps. He has a wrench in his hand to work on his motorcycle that is in the driveway.)

FONZIE. Hey, Cunningham! You ready for your fi nal exam?

RICHIE. I have a bigger problem. Initials L.B.

FONZIE. What’s wrong with Lori Beth?

RICHIE. She keeps telling me about her naked fi nger.

FONZIE. Okay, talk time…ow! (touches his knee)RICHIE. You okay?

FONZIE. I could not be better! Cunningham, how many

talks have we had about girls right here in front of

your garage?

RICHIE. I don’t know…212?

FONZIE. Then I think you’re ready for the big one – number

213. The “wanna get closer” talk. I remember when my

girl, Pinky, once asked me what my intentions were.

H A P P Y D AY S , A N E W M U S I C A L20

FONZIE. (cont.) We are no longer a twosome. Moving closer

means moving apart. As my Grandma Nussbaum used

to say, “If you work in a bakery, stay away from the buns.”

(RALPH and POTSIE come in doing Laverne and Shir-ley TV series main title walk.)

RALPH & POTSIE. …Three, four, fi ve, six, seven, eight.

Schlemeel, schlemazel, hasenfeffer incorporated.

POTSIE. We just saw Laverne and Shirley.

RALPH. Yeah! We’d love to ask them out, but we’re afraid

they’ll beat us up.

POTSIE. (dreamy) To be honest, I’m strangely drawn to the

“L” on Laverne’s sweater.

RALPH. You’re such a Potsie.

(CHACHI enters.)

CHACHI. Latest news, latest news.

FONZIE. Hey Cousin Chachi!

CHACHI. Arnold’s is having a dance contest to raise money.

FONZIE. (as he works on his motorcycle) Yeah, it was my idea.

CHACHI. And guess who’s coming back to be a beautiful

judge…? Wah wah wah, Pinky Tuscadero!

(FONZIE drops wrench in shock.)

FONZIE. (pause, lying) I knew that!

(changes subject)

I gotta go call a guy who knows a guy who knows a man

about the guys bugging Arnold. You guys go rehearse a

song or something.

(FONZIE exits upstairs, trying to cover his shock. The guys look at each other. Overlapping…)

CHACHI. Yikes. What’d I say?

POTSIE. He turned white. Is he okay?

RALPH. Did I miss something again? What just happened?

RICHIE. (interrupting) Come on guys, let’s have a Dial-Tones

rehearsal.

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