1 Poetry Anthology Forward I never thought I’d be comfortable in my own skin. I had to take mine off for a while. Live in other people’s eye, expectations, jealousy and love. I came to realize, or rather be flattened in the face by the truth. Truth that the person I was looking at in the mirror was a sad, depressed, cheated on woman. I was not the happy newly engaged home owner that I appeared to be. I was angry, depressed and violent. I wanted revenge for the loss of everything I believed my life would be, but then I met a wonderful man... It was unexpected and lucky. I didn’t think I would survive but I did. These are my poems, through mostly the rough times, and start of the good times….I’m happy my happily ever after turned true… Enjoy. Blooddaizy
Transcript
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PoetryAnthology
Forward I never thought I’d be comfortable in my own skin. I had to take mine off for a while. Live in other people’s eye, expectations, jealousy and love. I came to realize, or rather be flattened in the face by the truth. Truth that the person I was looking at in the mirror was a sad, depressed, cheated on woman. I was not the happy newly engaged home owner that I appeared to be. I was angry, depressed and violent. I wanted revenge for the loss of everything I believed my life would be, but then I met a wonderful man... It was unexpected and lucky. I didn’t think I would survive but I did. These are my poems, through mostly the rough times, and start of the good times….I’m happy my happily ever after turned true… Enjoy. Blooddaizy
A TRANCE .............................................................................................................................. 46
MELOS PIZZA AND VEUVE CLICQUOT ..................................................................................... 47
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dancing naked Black and white movie Drifts like water Over my body... Smoke raising claws. Towards a hidden salvation... Clipping projector Empty ashen theater Shadows of sunken eyes, bleeding lips... And 9 mils... All over my skin… In the quiet strobe light... twisting, mad, cobra strikes... I'm drunk On my reality... Drifting between Space, falling, time kisses. At my feet. Only to fade, your voice in my head... Dead whisper… to shriek.
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ramblings Rambling on the end of a wave, That crashes into my thoughts and coughs up my words Spits them out like Pisces on the shore... I saw you in seaweed, tangled and alone. There was an dark sultan in your kiss... that took me to where the mystery drifted in lust. Sand spoke in tongues, a flame in my black eyes… remembering back when you drifted like a scar in the hospital… shouting and clinging to me. The sticky, sickly floor. Screaming when you wrote me that letter in the belting sun. Like my father's glare of disappointment, it's left there inside of me. A rare sense of guilt... buried in the sand like shit. Watching you there you know where it is. Handing me a shovel, like a gun to my head, I pull you into my net as I would have wished to have pulled the trigger.
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new canvas White tile adorned YOU. Marble feet in stunning gold polish walk closer to my own. Cursing fish to play no more I drift alone, outside your door. Brass knobbed words write… thick ink stains, swelling off the parchment paper I cry, “You left me, by my 3 cats, hairs, and claws and melted wax.” Tapping a black plastic phone I dial you again and again. Furies blood red… Scratched CD stifles the cold air in my mind. Tumble weed of memories Drifting on my beach, your golden blue eyes… Lightning heart frozen my fire dims yellow… now. Wait till an orange noon rises. Damn colorless Fish.
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drawing on you Find something interesting in me… for me, not you, now. Sitting on top of boxes, thought wanders To if HE even misses me… My voice on the phone, My dramatic insecurity, My sighs, My soul clinging to his heart beat… Wanting a new someone to promise me the world and all that’s in him, not him, but HIM. Lessons on love worn thin on my brain Life gives me no one. Human indecision has consequences that I just cant Barely see. Fogged in Scarlet alone with out land… In cyberspace I dream on, about what You meant to me.
fa l l ing through me Turning over, inside, Outside me to him… Exaggerating love Lost in clauses Of what I think it is… Struggling loyalty Follows slang into my Heaven where you sit… Surrounded by spike‐ Winged angels… Spitting tears They’re rotting breath seeps Out powder white lips here. Hanging disgust on my Emotions so easily Torn form you to him.
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passing benches Crossing nothing. Labeled green, icy eyes… I wander only to echo your voice in the traffic‐spun wind. Wondering which part of me I am here… Laughing at my indecision, I cough up yet another dream. Failing on completing myself. Shaking, This void inside of me. Encased in a tomb of childhood visions. Ivy grows thick, Hiding my Soul From the Reality Of my shadow that all rests on the cracked pavement of my Mind.
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meeting glances Greta Garbo salted mouth Licks razors off your chest I watch the plaid shirt hang, cling To your body, I’m tense… Doubting dissuades drowning me, A hazy need for you… Push out my strange desire, In your eyes, I tremble… Deviants in my soul watch You smile, warm brown eyes… Bass pounding music, your voice, I melt into you, I feel lost. Dancing there so close to me Swirling in my affair Of lust and lost reality, Half a clove in my case, I look up and you’re gone.
fragrance of sadness They walk in my life Like showers in a polluted city Footprints pastels of red, In Smokey tissue… Trailing long fingers against the back of my eyes… Whispering for me to cry only tears of char Cole misconceptions of my existence. The strobe light, lights me, Only half the time. In the darkness it’s “She” And all I never Will be.
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a blind suic ide of you Soul grated down Void‐encased memories Of who I used to be. Walking uninterrupted into A blind suicide of you… Falling dreams run down my body To empty steps in the wrong direction Seeming unable to exist in this temporal normality… It plagues my Voice… It bleeds my Heart… It becomes me. A lost Entity. Failing to hold my gaze and Seeing nothing in my eyes… You know now… How you’ve lost me.
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a lost night in mexico Drifting so alone here… In this dark swimming pool, A million miles away From myself and you… Where the stars hang close to my face… And the ocean moans a Spanish love song… Lost in a crashing lullaby, I find myself. Where the coyotes howl Into the red, rock hill. And snakes coil around the outside of my dreams, I fade away. Where the perfect couples melt into one tall, lime, Margarita glass, in and out a pounding of bass. I’m spinning in the tequila. I’m in nothing but the now… And the “me”… A vast hollow canyon. Reaching up to the yellow moon Eclipsed by sweat. Floating, salty and burned In this night pool, Alone and without you… In Mexico. Because of me, because of you.
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in the here and now Misty morning soaks in tears. Bygone breeze calls the camels, back… into my faint ears Exploding sunrises set a million memories Trickling notes down my soul… miserable, broken piano keys… A dried Morocco. Paper thin reality… Disintegrates in my blistered hands. Scraping up kisses in Casablanca. The pounding failed concerto crescendos. Bloodied leopard paws track across my soul… Pacing all through the night… Back and forth, with twisting tails. The monkeys here laugh at the insanity that is me. While sneering hyenas chase and hunt me… Mouthing a muted memory. White lightning strikes. I fall to drooling teeth… Devouring all that I would never be… In the here and now.
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wandering down Wander to the dead‐end street… Passing through a deranged door… Past the peeled memories Bleeding off the projector. Walls bending backward to scab… Reach for my thoughts as I pass. Naked art carved in my thigh, Hate for God on my tongue, Your last words in my ear… Fear of failure drowns my heart Here.
long way down “It’s a long way down to meet you,” I say quietly, Into the dark alley. My screaming heard, yet forgotten here… I forgot about that hole in my head where I’ve shot myself for thinking thoughts that aren’t mine. Wandering to the dead end…. I still can’t see you. Past the peeled memories sliding in black graffiti… fishing out some forgotten feeling… I call out. But it’s a long way to meet you still.
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stumbling You stumble along the edge of my sanity While I lie here, Staring up into a blinding sun… Blowing smoke rings to latch Around spiny tree limbs Hanging reflection of you… Whispering in my head… That I just can barely hear. My mourning under cat glasses For the death of you, And your muffled voice… In my faded ears, That beg no longer to hear… Tempting the reincarnation of your First glance toward me It slipped and shattered from my hands… Broken splintered pieces at my feet…. Bleeding slowly, losing what perfection In the fiction that I wrote, To fill in me… Back when my voice trembled And spilled out meaningless phrases And my heart ran off shredded into two, Into nowhere… When I first saw you smile at me there.
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your look …with shaking legs I run, while the orange carpet rises up tall and eats me whole. I can’t breathe anymore. Severed rat‐tails bend, flip, Flip… Flipping. Through the stalks, the “pukish” stalks. Blue haze smog descends… on the laughing, baby‐faced hanged man… that dangles over me. Drip, Drip… Dripping. Blood sweet as maple syrup I lap it up, then retreat, frantic beating pulse… with shaking legs.
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capture me naïve youth I run still thinking, recall your shoes, the laces tight and white. Taste of minty breath, your nervous anxiety, your hands… lazy. Your body drapes mine… your voice soft… echoing your blue eyes. Wandering on into the sunset. Warm glow of time melts tears wiped from my face. Sigh of my heart… captures me here.
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empty place And all I did I regret… but I can’t help but wonder if I’ll ever forget. The sleepless fires that drown my causality of thought, in this empty place. Staring down meaningless voices that echo around me. Only to fall down the spiral staircase of my repeated fallacy… Broken in this empty place with nothing but an empty face.
ref lect ion of real ity Twisted forms echoing in endless whispers, on and on… My haunted mind… Cold and wet. Touch my face. Burn into my skin and trickle down my soul. Reflection in the mirrored sea to remind me… I am blind to you… I am lost in you… Someday… I won’t go back.
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sanity Wandering on the edge of sanity… voices never clear… freezing surf laps at my legs… I tremble but it’s not the cold I fear.
want I just want to lay down here, close my eyes, body and mind. Then unwrap my skin, to peel away all of what is human. Leave me to dust. I just want to lie here. Nothing to think of, nothing to do… nothing to dream about, but most of all… nothing to lose. I just want to rest here, In this hallow place echoing your words over the phone‐lines shriek that YOU feel alone… I just want to be listless lose my ears to your voice… my heart… my shaking body. I just want to be numb… When the anger withdraws and I know all I can do is submit to your theories for it to end. I just want to.
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when the anger withdraws When the anger withdraws… I shake in fear, losing my soul to your logic. The way you need me to need you… I die a little bit more inside… each time we argue. Slip further down… I can’t even see the light through your clouded words anymore Hair split‐ended shadows raised for some faith that I fear will never come, Some salvation of understanding I think you’ll never see. Or maybe the truth is… I’ll never need you and you… …don’t really need me.
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spoon Disinterested tea looks up with steamy lashes… blind as I walk towards her, touch the door… but never turn the knob. It takes my sight to turn me out… lick the tea bag…slowly Sipping almonds, trembling always… here in my orange tea cup. Oversized handle… reflection of the outside inside me. Rain falling spoons into my mouth, feeling luke‐warm again.
anniversary
Last night opened to me like your arms that held me close, hold me in a million colors of red and orange… hold me forever when I cry blue and green tears falling, running down my stained white shirt. Then I died there, when they closed in on me. I thought that I had nothing to give to anyone, especially you, especially me. Only words on the paper, solace… but you have me in your eyes, you have me in your soul… I must have had something to give… Yet what do I have left? Candle burning so faintly… my silenced chest. Blow harder and it’ll go out.
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in the end Softened glow on the flesh but none on your heart, whore… somewhere between 6 a.m. and my picture lying on the floor. Maniac wanting for no reason to kill this empty desire feels like nothing slipping in and out of the fire. Neither hate nor love comes to touch your eyes, empathy for healing. Angels outside cry, but not before reminding me of peeled 40’s and the empty bass blare slithering through your shaved hair. Puppy bites starving for attention reminder like you we don’t have to mention I won’t call you it’s finally over with what you wanted in the beginning. End.
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green olive Shackled pale drought bleeds your heart all over my white carpet… Words that I lap up Blue eyes drown. Wake me… towards a Sinai sky pitted, and that angel addicted crystal voice in the clouds… Talking into argue mental bar copper against emerald blood shot eyes…. Vacant house, memories… soaking plant Orange Martini… Dry missing half an hour spot lights into the setting sun.
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smudged sanctuary Furrowed thought locked and chained under my bed, while I cower in the closet. There, in my head… Wanting everything. Scattered in the sea shattered glass, stuck into me. Nothing can matter… I want myself to be found, again and again… Realities drown. Spitting out flies… I put the crystal goblet to my stained lips.
sit t ing at “that” coffee shop Waiting, feeling, drips, falling out of my chest and falling… to my knees…falling encroached there, the weight of my useless life… Pleading not to be this fake, flaccid thing… only hope to escape into my looking glass of insanity… falling as I cut out my eyes, heart and soul with shards of depression…falling just to walk mindful along a dead‐end path. Sipping my latte… lipstick stained mug.
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feel ing l ike myself again Cold, wet and dead flesh under my feet… Orange crackle of heat burns smoke claws down, a razor slide to trickle down my throat… eating away at perfect visions… of the perfect realities that I claim to possess. In some future perfect life… I envision love. Then I remember nothing. Watch the colors melt Twisting in my closed lids… It’s almost too late. I say. Sinking into feeling cold again. Feeling pain, Feeling empty, Feeling like myself again.
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truth Swiftly like the sucking tide you ached it out of me, my heart stole it and hid it away… Came running to me, dig me up out of my grave… your heart… pounding, pulsing and sweating… like our sex, softly sinking deeper into me only to pull back. Wondering where you lost your childhood to… wonder who took mine from me. My imagination? Convulsing in ecstasy only to cower… Truth. Insecure questions ripping it apart again. Only to fall back to you forever fall into your gaze, Your words, your forgotten pain, praying to breathe only music into all of your dead ears. Please just tell me you hear what I’m saying.
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turn inside Turn inside and see what’s left, His words… a sponge sucking out all the rationality in my thinking. I’m gibberish, foaming at the mouth. Life time of insensitivity to what’s really around you… me… Not what fears creep out of your head and into the shadows of misery I can’t talk to you I can’t tell you what to say to me. I would just be talking not you. The more I try to explain my feelings to you less I feel No reason to feel you say No reason to cry you say Let myself see me through your eyes… a silly random emotional girl… Reasonless… that never listens to what I say.
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whatever Tangled web of lies to asphyxiate cry on my painted eyes erasing the sound of your voice, dusty solid cracked earth memory of “Toenail” bites there on my tongue… haunts my garden where I burn on the cross… Cordless, black phone in hand… hesitating to believe in love… What love? Falling for the lack of personality that seemed to be me. Lost in the question, when I called his name last year.
si lent graff i t i Wandering through an entrance, containing traces of your gaze. Boiling the blood out of my arm. Creaking floor boards under spilling scrapbook pictures. Splatters there on the wall. Like demonstrated modern art… cyclone eyes flutter back to… tears. Only to point my finger to the wall… slowly paint your piercing name in the dead breath that sits in my cup. Muted memories, on and on they linger… fallen ear‐less autumn leaves, when you leave me slumped, huddled in the hall… under silent graffiti.
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asphyxia a welcome love twisting in the mystery of confusion, silence hastened by his own insecurity begs me now on all fours. I give no more reason to blame the nails in my throat that scratch down everything I’ve ever thought to know… only wanting the purity of a perfection…. Seemingly unable to exist, here, outside my head. Leaving flesh furled bed. Hanging dust clouds my hair and burns my eyes as I look at my reflection….
shattered glass Looking for myself. Empty sidewalk runs backward into memories blank… stares… reflections off blue cars… peddling glances towards my own normality.
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blue dog Come eat my pain. Nibble at my fleshy finger nails... They bleed, growl away my reality take my breath at 1:10 a.m. Walking the aqua shadows… in my cedar closet. Mind‐set a coffin of metallic blue nail polish. Foaming death at the mouth… Disappointment. Twisting in the tunnel… of tar roofed swim parties and melted Barbie dolls. Baking in the anger for a stone tossed into the deep End. Swirling jazz and heavy limbs… frantic to turn away… from the dark wall, pair of watching eyes, my trembling voice a failing mimic of Patsy Cline. Sing. Breaking the reality of cement slabs… eight‐foot walls and smog, mauled dogs… Die. Shaking in the muddy dimension slowed words. Warped to a demonic drawl aging whispers in both ears, Silence.
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Feeling my devil’s stereo turning me mad. Temples burning, hair ice cold with rain lisping spring on my Skin. Wailing scratches deeper… grade school to graveyard soil trickle down my soul, Under my eyes… looking inside Me. Tasting my frozen lips… deep Cabernet red… nightmare’s only sun Shines. Pain webs all fears. Memories drown… in your arms, Mourning.
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she sits Blood stained, naked body of her… writhing vampire cackles, caged in my subconscious, hidden at the base of my neck… Riding my spinal cord she spits and laughs at me… at you… at them… Obscenity… carving into rusty bars internal tears melt. Droning on and on creeps out of her cage… the fire in freedom leaping eyes, I am finally her, burning at the stake of a society none to my own. Stench of roses ripping the flesh from my thighs forgotten jealousy. Paint the vomit that I will bear. Call it… “Art”. Classify the smile I give you under mental case, ‘The Shining”…. Torturing…my Alice. trapped in there. No Wonderland here. She weeps for death. “Who are you?” I can ask her as her psychotic green caterpillar…. Shedding my skins… My lost key. Failed purity? Go ahead…ask me.
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company Cat, yellow smudge, trips wire‐caged‐ideas machine‐hope‐masturbates in the dark here. Memories of my lost angry god… he used to moan… Sinking into white sheets, angelic…. Spitting blood. Grey fur matted, curlers yellow… Dead skinned animal (so soft) “Keep me company tonight…” I say
night club act Seething and pointing its way into the lights, waving and laughing at the flicker of it all, They laugh, mumble, and stare. A crinkle of hatred underneath the surprise. Walking towards the mirror, disbelief in pursed lips, as they nod to him… as they beg of his painted lips, for just one more tune. Smoke clouds hysteria…sometimes. Microphone pulses in his cold hands, fading emergency in his voice, the fishnets blend into another tune, as they carve out his legs with the precision of a sculptor. They smile jealousy into their teacups sometimes stained with tears, dripping notes fading, shadows claim the boy again.
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vivid Bright colors of red and purple splash through my closed lids… Their waves an endless train of memories. A warm wind shipped at my sand sprinkled ears. Water collided into the rocks as the voices blew through my mind… and broke there on my consciousness. Broken dream… shattered into my eyes… shook me into reality. I opened my windows. Waves rolled and slightly nudged my burning arms. A cry from a lone sea gull added harmony to the fiery sun… like a tribal hum… echoing into the sky. I was blinded… but I didn’t care. I could even see with my eyes closed. It was all so touchable… so close… so familiar. A chilling, eternal Blue Ocean whispered…. It was both alive and dead… Now, then and to be… I watched it all from my own silent space, Observing… touching every millionth thought that crawled, whispered and shouted its way into my mind. Suddenly, painfully, almost like it was never there… It disappeared. The moment was gone. Like a last breath… Last look… last kiss. My eyes stung, and I was finally cold.
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gazing at mad dogs Your dark eyes startled me at first. Mad dogs foaming at the mouth. The sick visions that sink in my head all started in the questionable gaze you spent on me. I touched your gaze, like a soft touch to flesh. Sacred silence, with un‐voice able phrases, I’d like to think you understand me… wrapped in the separation of a row of chairs The name you wrote on your hand isn’t mine. Ring on my finger hold tight to my heart. God, you keep coming… to meet my gaze… again, and again. I’m halfway scared you’ll see carnality in mine, as I ache to touch my lips to yours. Answer with silence… I’ll fill in the blanks.
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ending of a day At the end of a morning… the news will no longer run into my head, as the same old stench of coffee stains me… the same nothing of what I see behind your latte. At the end of an afternoon a scratched cd skips… somewhere that singer cries out… “I can’t see nothing round here.” Say “I’m leaving someday…” chained by the fear of having less then here. Lean too far out the window… and you are bound to fall. Angels at dusk rise to unfold their wings… capture the emerging shadows inside my head brush away the dust in my brain. I know they wait for him. I ask for a strange security… haunting my crying wolves lone purity. At the berthing of night you are here. Love the idea of love, no… too vain. The eternal question. Pull it all down at the end of an evening. Mop the floor with it for them. Wish I were gone, like the smoke that curls up into the sky form a clove. Believe in me… I want to be someone, someday. Nothing. Silent candle flickers at the end of a night… Pink cat slinks through the dye… burning my mind… then its haunting, crushed cry. Something sounds like heaven… but I can’t hear it anymore. Angels fade into the alley. Silhouettes murdered on Valentine’s Day. Always going to be lonely… trying to fill this emptiness, everyone looking in mirrors,
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but they can’t see anything at the end of a day. Paint devils at the end of a night, Inside my head rain falls. It’s the latest, purest autumn wind. Smoky fire place won’t burn, tears don’t burn I’ll never learn anything At the ending of a night.
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snakeskin I can’t breathe anymore. My skin is snakeskin… and my head floats on a black filter of you… Screaming down the walls around me pouring out everything… but you’re still blind. Words come out to hit me barbed wire the emptiness I feel carves out oceans… shedding scales of memories out in your deserted stare… Conversations coil into heat waves… I bask on now, alone in the sand swept silence.
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working at that check col lect ion place… I lean in twelve souls 1:30 in the afternoon. Creeping upon an image that softly resembles my father. I wonder which crisis has killed me and who will resurrect the idea of me. Cycled into millions I lick the tar off the pavement minds so bland and dead Humanity is lost here, in the grief soaked torture that strips us all of our identity. Mass production of society rages on.
ode de gavin, my sweet fr iend Empty ashes litter you strewn patches of disgust I rummage in my brain for some part of you I miss a laugh, a drink, a night dancing… Walking in a masquerade that was our friendship, I was your fan… I was there for you… Where you when it all fell apart? I needed you then… You were gone trying to be what you were not.
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kil lers Wondering along the alley of life desperate to find one to end this sufferable reality. Sweet knife cut away all this worlds pain that is engraved on my heavy heart. Endangered voyeur Entranced lovers die at my feet under a hail of bullets I feed the killers with a pound of flesh unleash the lions on my spindly form erase all that is me. Devour my flesh. Burn my bones In the fire I find hope.
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t ired I’m so tired of feeling so numb. Everything that I believed was false Everything I saw just disappeared. I don’t know how I got this way.
I guess I’m blind, I guess I’ve never really been here. I thought I knew what love was. I thought I got it right, I know that sometimes I was lost… But I always thought I found my Way in you, in your eyes, Your words, Your touch… But I never would have thought that this Would happen. I never would have thought That I’d still be crying…alone. I never would have predicted this. I’m just numb and broken. How can I trust? How can I know? I know madness, I know hate… What is love? Was love what we had… And now it’s lost? I hate this happening to me. I hate this misery, I hate how non‐sensical it all came about. I hate feeling I’ve lost it all.
“Did it happen slowly or creep up in the night. I don’t understand how someonewho I placed my future, my heart, my soul could let me go. I don’t know why he would want to date other people When he had always professed how wonderful I was.”
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I hate feeling helpless. I hate feeling numb. I hate not knowing what I’ve become. This emptiness just seems to grow.
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this f irst rain Broken pieces fill my head… My eyes swim with tears. Droplets fill the space in my listless soul New emptiness drowns my heart. I’m getting used to you Not being here Used to not thinking About you, And it’s killing me. Questions love, Questions you, Questions me… Mistake to trust? Mistake to love? I never thought about it. How could the light… In your eyes be wrong? How could the trust in my soul… Deceive its lowly owner? All I know is that you used to stare at me… Now I’m alone in the rain.
you can Dark feathers rain on me, a mix of golden black down and scissor beaks whispering a harmony drown Spits into tomorrow all the past is lost it muddles my thoughts and everything is crisscrossed Lying to me, never again to me, no more. Go on marry that virgin whore. You’re a joke and a fake you’ve make a big mistake I kick his head in “You can cry now.” “You can cry now.” “You CAN.”
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All this time lost and all my pain, I can’t pass the time away Knives wounds in my skin Scars now as the past fades Touch the dead coiled bodies of hate and bleeding revenge is you there on the floor pleading Sweetness surrounds here and in the future but their dead bodies are down on the floor Seeming to sink deeper and deeper in the earth I wish they would just fade away. I want them to melt away. Why won’t this go away? “You can cry now.” I scream “You can cry now.” “You CAN.” I see the truth now, I see the sun you and your white horse can go to hell. Know you’ll have some fun in that pit of shit personality you sell. Know you’ll have some fun now know you’ll have some fun. But I kick your head in I kicked your head in. “You can cry now.” I scream “You can cry now.” “You CAN.” All the time lost I’m getting back now. Their dark feathers rain on me. Crazy and dizzy I walk towards you Hoping that you will reach out and Hold my hand I wonder if I am wandering for nothing If my past is leading me towards emptiness Again I sleep with dreams of You Loving Me again Stopping to smoke to kill
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My thoughts Drift in and out That you are gone I’m blind to what you want Drifting in what I think you Want of me I want to be yours Forever I sleep in your mind Praying to feel your eyes on my sleeping Form like never And ever. I die at night not in your arms Wishing I was in your heart Behind your breath, Your body washing up On mine. Deep and gone. I stand waiting for your promise Watching you drive in circles Looking for me.
heat in my wooden balcony The four Christmas tree street lights scream into my eyes, one at a time, above the wooden walls, rented dented, plainly new… Seem to say that it’s coming… “I don’t care if you come to bed.” – he says Nothing behind it, but it hints in my eye, brain and inflects disappointment, in who I am future sadness Yet I come. Don’t’ stay away, and it’s like something broken always… Not a pat, a hug,
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Just dead silence Tired weight I seem to not Exist or am blanked out He’s exhausted with me. What I see… might this be… What we’ve become Is this the “blankness” that Stars and heavens and starves love, kicks out my soul… Eventually takes everything? But me… I’m ok, I’m here, and there, Leg shaking, sipping water
sunday morning Waking up in lightness, White soft pillows surrounding my face Rolling over onto your side of the bed On of my favorite things Feeling the heat left from your body I sigh and smile. Just the thought of you And your heart warming mine Sweet words and calm voice Laughter echoes in recent memories.. I giggle at the thought of you in your Jack hat. As I stretch and get up. A cat hair floats in the air, Dusty nightstand on my right, My shirt crumpled on the floor. Loving you so much I feel my heart Overflowing in excitement that you are mine Rolling out of bed and down the stairs I feel happy Clinging on to the rail Morning air begs to come in…
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Walking to the coffee you made me As it steeps out into the air.. The Sweet dark scent awakens me. Pouring it into my white cup Shaking the fuzzy sleep out of my head I pour the milk and it swirls in my cup… Coffee swirls with light and dark. I sip and relax with each warm drop that goes In and down, and through me… Even when you’re not here I feel you here. Sipping coffee, And waiting to see your face, I love you my sweet.
a trance You put me in a trance I say… a bejeweled excitement leaning towards smoky green foliage sweet turned inside out in this melancholy world You, the drawing of you around in black and white chalk I drew down on the floor I thought I might have lost you then, because of me. The past spattered across the molten smoky space that contains us from the world and me from myself. Dreams walking into tonight sounder on edges of stop light turned bacon, pleasing me. Fuzzy black stuffed bear rides over your blaring music. I waltz into you again and again. Sea breeze flowers Israel Kamakawiwo'ole sings “Ooooo oooooo ohoohohoo” echoes up and down, inside my heart and resounding up, again over the fire worked sky beach. Loving in white golden sand with high priced drinks and tame that
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roaring wave sound. Watching from our balcony, king and queen for a few days there, endless nights and heat and hot humid sea. Sober waiter laughs with us, ring lost in sea and then found. Loving you carrying me in the water floating over the waves, my savior. Sparkling diamond water along the golden coast but the coral slimy floor slices your feet Hotel rising up from the beach like a vintage movie… Tanned leather skinned man hangs on the girls Skipping birds soar from ledge to ledge in the dream of dreams.
melos pizza and veuve cl icquot Sitting curled on the couch you slightly sleeping further down, cat at your feet, heating you up 110 degrees Laughing at you and me… Night shadows a Sweet sticky drink on my lips, Smokey ashes trail in the air along with cat hair… Type o plays “She’s in love with herself and likes the dark” Cloves to cigarettes, a legacy of our attraction. You lofty seeming one… standing alone and dark eyes, that stared through my soul… brought into a melting of us. Two tar rimmed babies for various reasons, so far away and so alike. Songs I sing float through Patsy Cline and Tori. We serenaded together sweet home Alabama, our beautiful dream.
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Bikes and Elvis, Skeletons and blood wine. Our paths brought together at peace in this place. Land is the only thing that lasts, no Tara no phones… black and white movies. Russian rap and Mark Ryden twangs onto the walls, into the air in here dim lights candle spins along blue digital lights, missing gears of war horde stomping games. On the couch, in the small living room in this townhouse, Marty and olive, feet running, sleeping, yelling, and sometimes hacking up. 4 fish swimming and jumping too far… Jack and Southern. At this place we love. I love you. Curled in this corner of our world, on the couch.
