Practical TheologySession 13: Overcoming Loneliness &

Insecurity-Leah

Introduction

Last time we examined how Jacob attempted to cope with the consequences in his life. As he felt the deep drone of loneliness in exile, he comforted himself with the thought of having sex with Rachel. Laban, his father-in-law, took advantage of his lust, and pawned off another of his daughters upon Jacob.

This week we will examine how this rather complicated home situation particularly victimized Leah. We will examine both her struggles, and her successes amidst those difficulties.

Case Study-LeahRead Genesis 29:31-35

We saw how idolatry ravaged Jacob’s life, but perhaps the greatest casualty of all is Leah. Leah is the older daughter, and the narrator gives us but one important detail about her. The text says that she had “weak or poor eyes.” Some have assumed it meant she had bad eyesight. But the passage does not say, “Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel could see very well.” It says Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel was beautiful. So “weakness” probably meant she was cross-eyed or literally unsightly in some way. The point is clear. Leah was particularly unattractive, and she had to live all of her life in the shadow of her sister, who was absolutely stunning. Keller, T. (2011). Counterfeit Gods: The Empty Promises of Money, Sex,

and Power, and the Only Hope that Matters (pp. 34–35). New York: Riverhead Books.

Case Study-LeahAs a result, her father, Laban, knew that no man was ever going to marry her or offer any money for her. For years he had wondered how he was going to get rid of her so that Rachel, who would bring a fine price, could be wed. In Jacob, Laban found the solution to his financial problem. He saw his opportunity, and he capitalized on it. But see what this meant for Leah—the daughter whom her father did not want was now a wife whom her husband did not want [emphasis mine]. “Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah” (Genesis 29:30). In the end, Leah was the girl that nobody wanted. Keller, T. (2011). Counterfeit Gods: The Empty Promises of Money, Sex,

and Power, and the Only Hope that Matters (pp. 34–35). New York: Riverhead Books.

Case Study-LeahLeah, then, had a hole in her heart every bit as big as the hole in Jacob’s heart. And now she began to respond to it the same way Jacob had. She did to Jacob what Jacob had done to Rachel and what Isaac had done to Esau. She set her heart’s hope on getting Jacob’s love. What was she doing? She was trying to find happiness and an identity through traditional family values. Having sons, especially in those days, was the best way to do that; but it was not working. She had set all of her hopes and dreams on her husband. “If I have babies and sons, then my husband will come to love me, and then finally my unhappy life will be fixed,” she thought. But instead, every birth pushed her down deeper into a hell of loneliness. Every single day she was condemned to see the man she most longed for in the arms of the one in whose shadow she had lived all of her life. Every day was like another knife in her heart.

Keller, T. (2011). Counterfeit Gods: The Empty Promises of Money, Sex, and Power, and the Only Hope that Matters (pp. 34–35). New York: Riverhead Books.

Insight for Living. (2007). Counseling Insights: A Biblical Perspective on Caring for People (p. 165). Plano, TX: Insight for Living.

Case Study-LeahBoth the stereotypically male and female idolatries regarding romantic love are dead ends. It is often said that “men use love to get sex, & women use sex to get love.” As in all stereotypes there is some truth to this, but this story shows that both of these counterfeit gods disappoint. Because Jacob sought to get his life validated from having a physically beautiful wife, he gave his heart to a woman toward whose immaturity and shortcomings he was blind. Leah’s counterfeit god was not sex. She obviously had access to her husband’s body, but not to his love and commitment. She wanted him to be “attached” to her, to have his soul cleave to her. But he did not. Her life became bound in shallows and miseries.

Case Study-Leah

Names in the Bible are highly significant. People in Bible times named their children very intentionally, often even waiting days, weeks, perhaps months before the official naming of the child (compare Luke 1 and the naming of John the Baptist).

The reason for this is that names of children were often given to reflect a particular characteristic of the child, to commemorate some event that surrounded the birth of the child, or to express a desire of the parents. Examples include Isaac (“laughter”), Esau (“hairy”), Jacob (“heel-grabber”), Moses (“drawn out” [from the water]), etc.

Case Study-LeahThe names that Leah grants to her first three children are highly significant in that they reveal to us the thoughts, cravings, and aspirations of her heart. When she gives birth to her first born son, she names him Rueben (“Behold, a son!”). She clearly believes that bringing a son into the world would please Jacob, and secure for her his pleasure. Leah names her second son Simeon (“He Heard”), saying, “because the Lord hath heard that I was hated he hath therefore given me this son also." Verse 34 reports that the name Levi (“joined”), expresses Leah’s desire that “Now this time will my husband be joined unto me, because I have born him three sons.”

Nobody Wants Me. I’m Worthless

I Must have a lot of kids to get attention

Leah Nursed Past Hurts of Neglect from her Father, Competition with her Sister, and Neglect from her Husband

I Cannot be Happy Without the Undivided Attention of my Husband

She Doubted God’s Love in Particular

Her loneliness led to a craving for love and attention, especially

from a male figure, first her father, but

ultimately Jacob.

Leah suffered from feelings of inferiority,

insecurity, & loneliness, because she was

neglected by her father, and in the shadow of her

sister.

Leah lived in constant rivalry with her sister, and lived her life employing various tactics trying

to get attention

Leah descended into depression & longing to secure the attention of her husband by

bearing lots of sons.

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Defining Insecurity

Insecurity is a feeling of inadequacy, often based in a perceived failure. Often our “failure” is not being able to live up to someone else’s expectations upon us. Insecurity leads to uncertainty, anxiety, and a lack of confidence.

Ironically insecurity, shame, and low self-esteem seek to not only hide from the gaze of others but also to spy on others at the same. Spying might reveal the vulnerability of others so that we can believe they are no different from us, or perhaps not as good as us. In other words, disgrace wants company. Timpe, R. L. (1999). Shame. In D. G. Benner & P. C. Hill (Eds.), Baker

encyclopedia of psychology & counseling (2nd ed., p. 1115). Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books.

Danger of InsecurityOne of the greatest dangers of insecurity is fantasy. In other words, we create a make believe world, so that we can escape the world we actually live in. Men Lost in pornography, women lost in reading Romance novels, or people absorbed in a particular magazine or TV show offering to them an alternative reality, are all examples of fantasy.

Fantasy is essentially the opposite of contentment. Rather than living according to Paul's example in Philippians chapter 4, we strive to retreat from the real world into a world of our own making.The problem with this is that it continues to stoke our discontentment, and blunts our outward service to others.

Identifying the Idol

Why are we overcome by insecurity? What is at the root of our insecurity?

One idol behind insecurity is “the praise of men.” It is essentially spending more time needing approval from people, than loving them, spending more time looking for their approval then serving their needs.

So what am I refusing to believe about God?

Overcoming InsecurityRead Psalm 139 God knows everything there is to know about me, however, he has still chosen to love me. God does not merely tolerate me, rather He has lovingly lavished blessings upon me!

Overcoming insecurity requires a profound understanding and acceptance of the fact that God made me just the way you are, loves you just the way you are, and wants to use you just the way you are. It DOES NOT MATTER if you’re tall, short, smart, average, funny, quiet, big, small, balding, bushy, dark skinned, light skinned, or whatever! We can be comfortable in our own skin, because God made us this way for a reason!

Overcoming InsecurityThough written much later, and poetically applies to the nation of Israel as a whole, Isaiah 54:4-10 beautifully portrays God’s everlasting mercies. These mercies are what meet the deepest needs in the heart of Leah, or any of us!

We have all experienced some form of rejection to one degree or another. We can identify with the gloomy sadness of loneliness, isolation, and perhaps even literal abandonment. Yet this is exactly to whom God comes. God is the God of the underdog! He revels in exalting those of low degree. Recall Psalm 113. He is high and lofty, so much so, that He must humble Himself to merely behold the things in heaven and earth. Yet He does much more. He raises up the poor out of the dust, and lifts the needy out of the dunghill!

Leah’s BreakthroughLeah is the one person in this sad story to make some spiritual progress, though this happens only at its very end. Look first at what God does in her. One of the things Hebrew scholars notice is that in all of Leah’s statements, she was calling on the LORD. She used the name Yahweh. “The Lord [Yahweh] has seen my misery,” she says in verse 32. How did she know about Yahweh?

Elohim was the generic Hebrew word for God. All cultures at that time had some general idea of God or gods, but Yahweh was the name of the God who had revealed himself to Abraham, and later to Moses. He was the one who told Abraham that he would bless the earth through his line. The only way Leah could have known about Yahweh was if Jacob had told her about the promise to his grandfather. So even though she was struggling and confused, she was nonetheless reaching out to a personal God of grace.

Keller, T. (2011). Counterfeit Gods: The Empty Promises of Money, Sex, and Power, and the Only Hope that Matters (pp. 33–34). New York: Riverhead Books.

Leah’s BreakthroughAfter years of childbearing, however, there’s a break-through. When Leah gave birth to her last son, Judah, she said, “This time, I will praise the LORD.” There was a defiance in that claim. It was a different declaration from the ones she had made after the other births. There was no mention of husband or child. It appears that finally, she had taken her heart’s deepest hopes off of her husband and her children, and had put them on the Lord. Jacob and Laban had stolen Leah’s life, but when she gave her heart finally to the Lord, she got her life back. It is not inconsequential then, that Judah becomes the promised seed through which the Messiah later comes! Keller, T. (2011). Counterfeit Gods: The Empty Promises of Money,

Sex, and Power, and the Only Hope that Matters (pp. 33–34). New York: Riverhead Books.

She Properly Understood Herself in Light of God

She Understood that True Happiness is not found in acceptance from others, but in God’s acceptance

Leah Embraced a Healthy View of God’s Power, Love, & Justice

When we rest in God we become Content,

Hopeful, Gentle, Humble, Patient,

Submissive, Generous & Joyful.

After gaining an Awe of God & an Eternal Perspective she became Thankful, Dependent on God, &

Others Focused

These attitudes lead to a Bold Confidence, which

leads to a Purposeful, Ethical, Compassionate &

Forgiving Life.

Our Selfless and Sacrificial service toward others is

anchored in our personal Fulfillment & Satisfaction in

God.

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Leah was Healed from Past Hurts of Neglect from her Father, Competition with her Sister, and Neglect from her Husband

Leah’s HonorRead Genesis 49:28-33. Pictured on the right is the modern location in the city of Hebron known as “the tomb of the Patriarchs.” This is the location where most of the Patriarchs were buried. Ironically, the “honor” paid to Rachel and Leah during their lives, was reversed in death. Many commentators have noted the seemingly terse burial of Rachel after her untimely death in Genesis 35. However, note the honor paid to Leah in her death. She is the only wife of Jacob buried alongside the other Patriarchs at Hebron. Coincidence? or Consequence of godliness?

Tomb of the Patriarchs at Hebron