Pre-Departure Orientation Session for Year13 Parents 21 May 2013

7/30/2019 Pre-Departure Orientation Session for Year13 Parents 21 May 2013

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Pre-Departure Orientation

Session for Year 13 Parents

Hosted by the Secondary Counselors

Tuesday 21 May, 2013@ NIST

Kim


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1. How do you feel Activity2. Family, Change and Loss

3. University Pre-Departure Housekeeping
http://www.google.co.th/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=PcU5oi4rxrTt-M&tbnid=5Gv3NSCxBLQ2WM:&ved=0CAgQjRwwAA&url=http://climate.usurf.usu.edu/CPASW/index.php?show=agenda&ei=CcWVUbXAH4_yrQfL2YHoBw&psig=AFQjCNGcsU1P0ikLFmILMdCnxnKrTgS46w&ust=1368856201622424http://www.google.co.th/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=PcU5oi4rxrTt-M&tbnid=5Gv3NSCxBLQ2WM:&ved=0CAgQjRwwAA&url=http://climate.usurf.usu.edu/CPASW/index.php?show=agenda&ei=CcWVUbXAH4_yrQfL2YHoBw&psig=AFQjCNGcsU1P0ikLFmILMdCnxnKrTgS46w&ust=1368856201622424http://www.google.co.th/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=PcU5oi4rxrTt-M&tbnid=5Gv3NSCxBLQ2WM:&ved=0CAgQjRwwAA&url=http://climate.usurf.usu.edu/CPASW/index.php?show=agenda&ei=CcWVUbXAH4_yrQfL2YHoBw&psig=AFQjCNGcsU1P0ikLFmILMdCnxnKrTgS46w&ust=1368856201622424


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How do you feel?

Please think about your Year 13 child who very soon

will be going off to university or another adventure

Please record your thoughts on post-it notes.

1. About what do you feel happy?

2. What makes you sad or concerned? Be specific.

3. Now, think about your child. What is he/she looking

forward to?

4. What is your child apprehensive about?


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We expect that

you are HAPPY about

The choice of university (and possibly program) isfinally made

My son/daughter is becoming an independentadult

Academic success

New opportunities and adventures for my

son/daughter An opportunity to start over

New friends


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We expect that

you are concerned about

Ill miss my child

Change in family dynamics

Getting a visa for my son/daughter to study abroad Paying for university

Housing/room-mates/friends

Academic success at university

Physical safety

My child getting homesick

I hope my child will make good decisions (about

money, drugs, dating, sex) Jackie


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Family, Change and Loss


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What are some of the changes we will go

through, and how do we feel about it?


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Going to college is a significant

milestone in the life of afamily, and it brings with it a

time of separation and

transition, requiring anadjustment on the part of

parents, the university-bound

teenager, and the whole

family.


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The child and parents are relieved

and happy that the child has been

accepted into the right program,and university.

The child is excitedabout living on his own.


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Mixed Feelings

Parents may feel unprepared oruncomfortable without their role as primary

caretaker and protector.

Joy may be mixed with longing as the youngadult takes flight from home base.

The day we dropped my youngest off at university, Isobbed all the way home and through most of the

night.

Part of the sadness was that the kids were gone, butpart of it was that without all of them to look after I

suddenly felt old and a bit scared that Id outlived

my usefulness. Brenda


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Parents lost in the College Transition

3 Stages:

1. Disorientation2. Reorientation

3. New Normal
http://www.google.co.th/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=N7GaYmOCFY_a3M&tbnid=lanlZiF_i4bbNM:&ved=0CAgQjRwwADh4&url=http://www.thetransitionnetwork.org/chapters/chapters-national/events-national/&ei=s4WUUfHGOYaqrAfy3IGQDA&psig=AFQjCNFiakanPkM1RdnFsc7ukU5LdhOfIg&ust=1368774452012317


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1. DisorientationThe loss of one's normal role with others as a result of change

in routine orlifestyle.

The goal here is not to stop being a parent, but to evolve into

becoming a parent who supportively enables and empowers

their child to solve problems and understand the

responsibilities of independence

Sense of LossCling to the

PastOver-bearingOver-involved

Call 2 timesper day

Text 2 timesper day

Video Chateveryday


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2. Reorientation

Aperiod of adjusting and redefining your position and roleas a result of a change in a familiar structure orpattern.

As parents and children go through the trial and error of

reorientation patterns, a "new normal" will occur.

1

Adjust tothe Change

2

NewBoundaries

Form

3

Patternsemerge

4

RelationshipEvolves

5

New NormalOccurs


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3. New Normal

Acceptance of a new framework surrounding a relationshipandlifestyle.

New patterns of independence

More ownership and responsibility for their life

Look to you for support and guidance

verses

Someone who can fix things for them

Advisors MentorsYes,

Friends

Parent

Child


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Beware of the Fix-It" syndrome

When new college students hit a bump in the road and

begin to panic, their first call or text message is often totheir parents.

For many parents the first instinct is to "fix-it." It is a role

most parents have played in one form or another for the

past 18 years. Acting out of habit, parents start making calls to the

college administrators, resident advisors, and even

roommates.

Kim


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Empower your child to embrace

their independence

For 24 hours, fight the urge to react and fix-it.

Listen to your child and then take the drama out of it.

Often the problem isn't as big as it first appears.

Ask your child how they think they should solve the

problem.

Ask what resources are at the college to help them.

Suggest that they put together a plan of action on theirown.

Let them work on the issue for 24 hours and then see

how things are going.


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Exception:

If your child is at risk of harm

Act fast and find them the help they need.

You should always have a list of emergency

contacts at the college including campussecurity, which is reachable 24/7.
http://www.google.co.th/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=gnr7crM0fzC0DM&tbnid=PaxE2JIHYXeLBM:&ved=0CAgQjRwwAA&url=http://www.williamstownfiredepartment.com/contactus.html&ei=CMeVUa_XFcW8rAeWtoHAAg&psig=AFQjCNHkLwX9rz_vohwEFcb9MaYQQa8CQQ&ust=1368856712426463


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The Empty Nest

The move represents anemotional separation for bothparents and child.

For most, the end of highschool marks the symbolic endof childhood.

This phase of life, when the

child moves from home, isoften referred to as theempty nest.


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The Empty Nest Syndrome

Empty nest syndrome is ageneral feeling of loneliness

that parents may feel whenone or more of their childrenleave home; it is more commonin women.


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A sense of loss is apparent in

comments such as "it's so quiet

around here" or "I can't believe howmuch less I spend on groceries.

No longer needed in the same ways.

Adjusting to being on the outside. No longer knowing the details of

son's or daughter's whereabouts.

Jackie


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It is normal to feel a bit sad at this time andnatural to have a cry now and then.

Its normal to sit in your childs old room fromtime to time in an attempt to feel closer tothem.

My mum admits to hugging our old school

clothes occasionally during the first weeksafter we left home because they still smelledof us.

Sometimes, though, a child leaving can act asa trigger for a deeper depression. If severalmonths have passed, and you still feel sad andisolated, this is the time to seek professionalhelp.


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What are some of the empty nest reactions

we might experience?

Take 5 minutes to share with your neighbor.


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Next Chapter

Ive always heard about the Empty Nest Syndrome,

but personally was looking forward to thefreedom

and renewalthat would be mine once the kids were

out on their own.

Being divorced and having to support myself didnt

allow much time to think about being lonely, so as

much as I love my 3 kids, it was great to be able toconcentrate on ME!


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Celebration

Many parents talk enthusiastically about thechangesthey feel less constrained, have more freetime, and no longer endure loud music or competitionfor the phone, computer or car.

Although the job of being a parent is never done, youhave reached a goal. You have raised an independentyoung adult, which is no easy task. Give yourself a paton the back for a job well done.

Take the opportunity to look at any dreams you may

have put on hold. Maybe you wanted to learn to paint,write or tango. Its never too late to learn.

A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mournand a time to dance. Perhaps this is your time tolaugh and dance?


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Your turn

Turn to your neighbor andbrainstorm different ways to

embrace the new chapter in

your life 5 minutes

Brenda


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Suggestions for embracing the next chapter

Correspond with the child on a regular basis.

E-mail, Skype, Facebook. They are free and immediate.

Make care packages for your children. (Books, toiletries,

CDs, chocolate, etc.) Explore new hobbies or revisit old ones. Take up a new

leisure activity.

Take some time with your partner. Many couples feel a bitlike strangers when their children leave.

If youre a single parent, make the most of me time. Havesome fun.

Get everyone together for a family meal or a holiday. Youllhave something to look forward to.


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More

Start a new career

Create your lifestyle in your own fashion

Take time to pamper yourself Go back to school if thats something you feel

you missed out on

Take painting classes or piano lessons This is a time for YOU and you deserve to be

honoured for the person you have become


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You are not done with your parent role

and you never will be

Share your new experiences with your

child.

They need to know that you are okay, so

that they can feel secure andwholeheartedly embrace theirnext

chapter.


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Their Next Chapter
http://www.google.co.th/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=bqmnDbipEelh5M&tbnid=dpIjYaXfMBfBOM:&ved=0CAgQjRwwADgO&url=http://www.forwardisapace.com/2013/01/start-the-next-chapter-my-2013-resolutions/&ei=r8eVUZn6DoHjrAfN6IDgAw&psig=AFQjCNEkrqzQ4TTaTDtaxMbX1tBXrQF-pw&ust=1368856879307753


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The transition experience(for those of you who love graphs)

This graph provides a basic overview of the process of transition

Kim


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Disorientation feeling homesick

Many students start feeling homesick around the third to

sixth week of the first term. During this period, the excitement and newness of the

initial college experience dies down.

A sense of normalcy sets in and students start sufferingfrom disorientation.

Students start to be overwhelmed as the academicworkload increases, time management becomes an issue,the previous uniqueness of a roommate is now annoying,and a functioning support system is still in its infancy.

During this period many students hit the "reality wall".Some of their expectations of college life aren't what theythought and they start questioning if they chose the rightcollege, or if they really want to be in college at all.

Students show signs offrustration and depression andstart wishing they could go home... back to the way thingswere.
http://www.google.co.th/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=Wz_Dg9yibysqNM&tbnid=nw3RHXObXclhQM:&ved=0CAgQjRwwADg8&url=http://www.lafamily.com/activities-entertainment/help-homesick-campers-parent&ei=yMiVUbLKIYXtrAeFh4GIAw&psig=AFQjCNFweQnSjb2A7ZvmBYN49e4i5to7Hg&ust=1368857160622678


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It is normal

You can't fix it for your child. They are on a journey

and you are along for the ride. You can support

them, but in order for them to find calmer waters,they must navigate the rapids themselves.

Transition stress is a normal part of college life. If

homesickness is discussed prior to the student

leaving for college, some of its power will be takenaway and it will be less stressful for the student.

Students should be supported and reminded that

this is normal and "this to shall pass".
http://www.google.co.th/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=Wz_Dg9yibysqNM&tbnid=nw3RHXObXclhQM:&ved=0CAgQjRwwADg8&url=http://www.lafamily.com/activities-entertainment/help-homesick-campers-parent&ei=yMiVUbLKIYXtrAeFh4GIAw&psig=AFQjCNFweQnSjb2A7ZvmBYN49e4i5to7Hg&ust=1368857160622678http://www.google.co.th/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=8T-gRf_lxQ1qkM&tbnid=vCbxIlBVUWNNMM:&ved=0CAgQjRwwADgk&url=http://www.6dby.com.au/about/get-involved/&ei=2MyVUefyNMWPrgeZoYGgCw&psig=AFQjCNEAo1xZZuCTK48HaMSxQDARESmylg&ust=1368858200942650


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Ask your child how they think they could make things better

(without coming home).

Suggest that they look for clubs and organizations to join. The

more they feel part of the college community, the quicker

they will embrace their new environment.

Research shows that if students feel connected to the collegecommunity they are more likely to persist and graduate.

Facebook does not equal community. Spending hours on

Facebook with old friends isn't going to help them build the

new relationships they need to succeed.
http://www.google.co.th/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=8T-gRf_lxQ1qkM&tbnid=vCbxIlBVUWNNMM:&ved=0CAgQjRwwADgk&url=http://www.6dby.com.au/about/get-involved/&ei=2MyVUefyNMWPrgeZoYGgCw&psig=AFQjCNEAo1xZZuCTK48HaMSxQDARESmylg&ust=1368858200942650


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The Logistics of Going to University

What as the most challenging or diffic lt thing as o


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What was the most challenging or difficult thing as you

transitioned into college/university?

Picking new friends. There's such a big variety of people to chose from and its not like

high school, you're not obliged to be around anyone you don't want to be. To find the right

people to hang out with..

- Alumni of 2011

Adjusting to the culture and way of life (ways of speaking),

but the transition didn't take too long. Alumni of 2011

The most challenging thing for me was the homesickness that came along with being

alone at university. The first two weeks were definitely harsh, but after a while you start to

become more confident and it starts to go away..

Alumni 2012

Living alone, and having to clean up after myself. You adjust to it though. I hate being

messy, but I am super lazy. In Bangkok, people always cleaned up after me, but now Im

living all on my own.

Alumni of 2012

Jackie

A d i S


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Academic Success Expect that your son/daughter will need an adjustment period

and that he/she will make mistakes. Thats how we learn.

Remind your child that school continues to be your childs full-time job.

Parents need to be explicit about your expectations given yoursubstantial financial investment in their education.

Be aware of what courses your son or daughter is taking andwhat percentage of a course load that is.

Let your child know that its okay if they are strugglingacademically and encourage them to be honest about this withyou.

Organising my own time and getting myself to lectures on time is difficult, also doing

coursework when no teachers are there to check on you.

Alumni of 2010

It was challenging to find the motivation required to complete your assignments by

yourself. There will be no external pressure generated by your teachers or parents.

- Alumni of 2010


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How would you compare the amount, level and type of work

at your college to that you were asked to do at NIST?


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Communicating

Your son or daughter may be able to buy a new Sim Card fortheir cell phone OR they may need a new cell phone. (Yes!Another one.) Ask them they will know. Help them choosean affordable phone plan.

Skype is great way to keep in touch with parents and friends

at home. Your son/daughter can install it on your homecomputer.

Phone cards are also an affordable way to keep in touch andcan be used from the phone in the dorm room.

We recommend that all students have their own laptop foruniversity.

The most challenging thing is adjusting to life being alone. Back in Bangkok, I always had my

family and friends close by. Here, there are times that I feel homesick but I cannot go back

home (at least right away) like most people in my university (Skype is the best thing I can do).

-Alumni of 2011


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Develop a Communication Plan

Dont

Flood them with phonecalls, text, emails

Dont make them fell guiltyfor not communicating

Do

Set up a plan that lets yourchild know when you willcommunicate and how youwill communicate

Give them more control

over the When andHow to communicate

By spreading out the communication times you'll begin to break the

pattern of dependence on the need for immediate and instant contact.

You will also have more to talk about when you do connect. Brenda


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Housing

Send in your deposit to the university to ensure that youreserve a place in the university residence

Read the descriptions of the residence halls

Some students will prefer same-sex dorms

Most dorms are equipped with Wi-Fi, laundry facilities,

common rooms with televisions At some universities, your child will need to make a choice

about meal plan (full, partial or self-catered)

Being on my own, without parents is hard. So, try to help out at home, with your

maids, etc. You may take it for granted at the moment, but you will be happy if youdo so. Before you leave, learn how to cook, how to do wash your clothes, etc.

-Alumni of 2010

Getting used to the dorm life and doing EVERYTHING yourself; laundry, cleaning,

etc. etc. BEWARE of this!.

-Alumni of 2012


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Room-mates This may be the first time your child had had a room-mate.

Although sharing a room with another person can be prettytraumatic, this person could also turn out to be your childsbest friend in the world!

Encourage your child to keep an open mind about theirrelationship with the new room mate. Its totally okay if they

are just room-mates. There is no reliable method for matching room-mates.

Encourage your child to tell the truth on the housingquestionnaire and leave the rest to the fates.

There are people in Residence Life (RAs, Dons) whose job it isto help with settling-in issues like room-mate conflicts

The dorms are awesome, fun and are a great experience. I met most of my friends in the

dorms. It also teaches you how to deal with people and manage many different

personalities. Also, it slowly eases you into college life; it helps you adjust into college life.

- Alumni of 2011

M


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Money Make sure that you understand the fees for a full year =

tuition, room and board, student fees, textbooks and

spending money Decide, with your family, how much spending money your

son/daughter will receive each month. It may be best to sendthis via a monthly bank transfer. (This costs 300 Baht pertransaction with SBC)

Your son or daughter will need to open a bank account in theirnew city

Talk with your son or daughter about creating and sticking to abudget. This can be really difficult for some students.

Some students will be ready for a credit card while others willnot

Coping with having to fend for yourself is hard. Filing tax returns, setting up bank

accounts, establishing credit, paying rent, etc., are all things people tend to learn around

college time and this represents a large step from their time in high school.

Alumni of 2010


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PackingWhat to take and what to leave

The decision about what to take to university is going to varywildly from student to student!

Some students will take two suitcases worth of clothes andothers will need extra bags. (Take it on the plane!)

Take a camera, laptop and appropriate adaptors

Students can buy items such as bed linens, toiletries and adock for their i-pod (& other electronics) when they arrive atuniversity

Many students will want to pack some personal mementossuch as photographs, cards, teddy bear etc. This iscompletely healthy and will help them feel more secure

If your child is moving to a cold climate, they should buy theirwinter coat there - not in South East Asia!


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Physical Safety It is completely normal for you to be worried about your son

or daughters safety and security. Thats your job except thatnow youll be doing that from a distance.

Be assured that all of your children are moving to relativelysafe and stable countries

Try to remind yourself that the media almost always makesthings seem worse than they are

Trust your childs decision-making skills unless there isevidence that you should not!

Set up a time for a weekly conversation. E-mail is great but

hearing your childs voice is better.

My school has a ton of options for safe travelling around campus - we have a campus

cruiser service, escort (walking you to places) service, security to access buildings, university

security surrounding campus, and a department of public safety always patrolling.

- Alumni of 2010

Kim


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Student Visa

Carefully read every piece of mail and each e-mailthat you receive from the university

Look after tasks involving the students visa (I-20 inthe USA) immediately

Know that most students have no difficulties withtheir student visa and, if you do encounter problems,the university admissions staff will do whatever theycan to help. They are committed to getting your childto their country in order to study.

When in doubt, ask for help!


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What university-bound kids need:

Basic laundry and dishwashing skills

Rituals to say good-bye to their homeand family

Research in order to be prepared fortheir move

Control over some of the decisions

being made about their move To be loved unconditionally


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Thanks!

Good Luck!

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Pre-Departure Orientation Session for Year13 Parents 21 May 2013

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