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the prison coaches

In a spot ofbother with thelaw? Time to callin the originalprison coachesOberfest andthe Doc...PRISON

BREAK

features

prison coachesWmartinpashleypgjamescheadle

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n a strange quirkof the law in theUnited States thosesentenced to jail aresometimes given amonths grace tosettle their affairs onthe outside beforeheading for the bighouse.For most its a time

of panic and dread, and with goodreason; nearly 2.5 million peopleare locked up in US prisons, thelargest jail population in theworld, in some of the most violentinstitutions ever built. AIDSand hepatitis are rife, murderand male rape an everydayoccurrence.

Its understandable then that some use thegrace period as a chance to go on the run ordrink and sni away their remaining momentso reedom. Others, moresensibly, ace up to theirShawshank Redemptionears and call in one othe burgeoning numbero prison coaches;experts who train youon how to get throughyour time behind bars.

We met up with two o the industrys leadingincarceration consultants Steve Oberest andDoc at their New York ofces and ound outjust what to do i the soap slips out your handsor your cellmate starts calling you Darling.

Oberest, a large, heavily built guy wearingjeans and a basketball top that shows o thetattoos o fghting dragons on his arms meetsus in the lobby o his midtown Manhattanbuilding. He apologises that his partner, Doc,is running late as hes counselling someonewho is currently under house arrest. Hell bealong later. Ater he gets the clients mentalstate right. Taking the lit up to the roo - Oneo the best views in New York, you have to seeit - he explains that as prison coaches, they arepermanently on call or their clients, 24-hoursa day. I youre acing 10 years inside you aregoing to wake up in the middle o the nightand you will need to talk to someone who

understands what youre about to go through.On the roo o the 45-storey building

Steve, who spent 15 months in prison on aracketeering charge, explains how the prisoncoach business came into being. Im the guywho originated it. There are other companiesdoing it now, copycats, but I was the frst. Theidea frst came to him when he was working as

a martial arts trainer back in the early 2000s.He says, One o my clients had a socialiteriend whod done something she shouldnthave in the Hamptons (super-posh holidayarea on Long Island) and she was going toprison. She was worried and wanted to learnhow to deend hersel. I helped her out and itwas a like a light-bulb going o in my head. Isaw these people who were being convictedo fnancial crimes on TV and who would nothave a clue what to do inside.

nobodys bitchIt was the perect time to start the business.Billion-dollar fnancial scandals such as Enron,WorldCom and Anderson saw a steady streamo Wall Street executives losing their GordonGecko status and heading to jail. And whilethey may have been Masters o the Universe intheir own domain, in prison they would be easy

meat. Steve looks nostalgic when talking aboutthe early boom years. With a glint in his eyeshe tells us, The phone just rang constantly. Itwas almost impossible to keep up withdemand.

Business hasnt really slowed down since.Can you imagine a time when no one goesto prison in America? Me neither. And so

iaidsandhepatitisarerife

andmurderandmalerapeisaneverydayoccurrence

a

The lads,at their

Manhattanbachelor pad

a steady procession o clients ranging romembezzling lawyers, celebrities caught withsomething they shouldnt be caught with,through to suburban teachers acing a stintinside ater a drink driving conviction havecome through their doors. Steve and Doc takethem all - with one exception; pedophiles.I know everyone is innocent until provenguilty but with those cases there is too muchbaggage so we stay away.

Steve wont say precisely how much hecharges or the 100-hour course that he andDoc oer, but he says its in the low to mid fvefgures. That might sound a lot, but think howmuch these guys are paying their lawyers. AndI can guarantee you that once the case fnishesand the judge sentences you the lawyer isntgoing to be advising you on what to do on yourfrst night in jail. Because he hasnt got the frstclue o what its like. Hes never been there as

an inmate. Thats where we come in.For their money clients get training in every

aspect o prison lie rom orm-flling to whatnot to say on the telephone during calls toriends or amily. Some, on the ace o it, ismundane like being told to give up cigarettes.But it is actually important in avoidingbecoming what Steve terms, someones Bitch.Which is probably one o the worst things thatcan happen inside the wall.

One o the frst things with any client is tohelp them to kick any habits theyve got. I theysmoke, drink or do drugs we try and get themto stop. Those things cost in jail and you canget into debt buying them rom people whoarent, how can I put this? Pleasant when youre

in debt to them. He explainsthat rape is oten used as adebt collection method anddoesnt laugh when we jokeabout how high a price thatis considering how muchcigarettes cost on the outside.

shower fearsSwitly changing the subject we ask aboutpreparing clients or fghts or when someonedoes try something sexual. Steve sighs andlooks as i weve seen too many prison movies,Thats what all the clients want to know atfrst. He explains that, By no means do we tryand turn any o our clients into a cage fghter.I a client tells me that their biggest ear istaking a shower, were not going to put theRocky music on and tell you to go and fnd thebiggest guy and knock him out and then

everyone will respect you.That doesnt work? No, only i you have a

flm crew behind you and youre being paid sixfgures on a flm set. In the real world we teacha very technical and tactical close combatcourse that will a) deend you, b) escape thesituation. And you have to remember thatbeing that you are in prison it is best to avoidviolence completely. There is so muchhepatitis and HIV running rampant. I I wereto punch someone in the mouth and cut myhand on their teeth and they are inected,suddenly Ive turned an 18-month sentenceinto a lie sentence. We really educate on howto deuse, avoid and deend. And i you dodeend, not to break skin.

fighting talkSteves instructions on how not to get into anAIDS fght are interrupted by Docs arrival. Incontrast to Steves typical New York streetdress, Doc in his tan, well-cut suit looks like aWall Street banker-type at a cocktail reception.It belies a colourul past including a 10-yearsentence or conspiracy to distribute cocaine.Im not saying I knew it was cocaine, but Imnot saying I didnt.

He says his experiences inside give him aunique perspective on helping clients acingup to doing time. I tried to beat the system.Thought I was bigger than it. I got kicked out

o a lot o prisons trying to do things my ownway. I was with a group o other inmates andwe were known or going around stabbingother inmates and acting very violentlytowards them. We interrupt him and ask i hekilled anybody. He smiles, I take the FithAmendment on that, and adds more seriously,but all that (the fghting) got me was into a loto trouble. The sooner you act like a cog anddont try to fght it, the easier your time will be.

Doc is a great believer in respect and says itsprobably the greatest tool an inmate will have.We thought it would be more about havinga quick way with a shank or the ability tosmuggle contraband inside. Doc shootsus down, Respect is a commodity.

dontrelyontheguards.

theyremaking10-15dollarsanhour.they

arentgoingtodoanything

Coach Stevedown the

gym

Aim at thetemple. Thenboom. Hewont stand achance

the prison coaches

features

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ADI you are born with a silver spoon in yourmouth and you dont know the proper etiquettearound people and are arrogant, you are goingto get into trouble. They have to change theirattitude and blend in or theyll be tortured bytheir ellow inmates. Dont be in other peoplesbusiness. Look straight ahead and dont,whatever you do, tell anyone youre innocent.Why? It looks like youre saying, you guysare all criminals but not me, Im dierent. Imbetter. Its a quick way to make enemies.

Other things to remember i youre unlucky

enough to fnd yoursel in the US prisonsystem include not to sit with people whoarent o the same ethnic group. Steve explains,

You can be the most non-racist white guy inthe world but i you sit with black guys it haspotential to cause a lot o trouble. Prisons areextremely racist places.

And the guards cant be relied on to help. Docsays, Theyre making 10-15 dollars an hour,they arent going to do anything to help. Anddont talk too much. People will think you area rat. Thats our business, to tell them the beststrategies. For example we teach them that iyou catch someones eye to say hello beorewhat the uck are you looking at? comes out.

O the celebrity clients theyve helped and theunique circumstances the amous ace whensent down Steve says, Weve helped athletes,

pop stars, hip hop artists. They orget that thereare televisions in prison. The whole populationknows you are coming and there will be asmany haters as there are ans. The correctionalofcers dont want the hassle so youre put inAdministrative Segregation or 24 hours a day.Thats a lot o time alone. People can go crazyso we teach them meditation techniques tohelp them through it.

As the sun sets over the New York skylinewe ask or the golden rule, a way to serve yourtime without being stabbed or raped. They

look at each other, beore Steve smiles andsays, Yeah, there is one golden rule. Andwhats that? Stay out o jail. nloaded

The Doc.Adjusting hisBurberry tie.

Dapper

wevehelpedathletes,popstars,andhiphopartists.Theyforgettherearetelevisionsinprison

the prison coaches

A stretch in prison is a daunting

prospect, especially or a frst timer.

Thankully ormer inmate Carl

Cattermole has written a handy guide

to help newbies through the pratalls

o lie inside. Heres a ew pointers.

Firstly, go to court prepared. Once

youve been ound guilty youll be

hauled into the cells immediately so

make sure youve packed your bags.

Also, dont admit to smoking weed or

youll be subject to mandatory drug

testing or your entire sentence.

Its best to keep your head down at

frst most inmates are harmless but

dont bullshit anyone and stay low-key.

Play your cards close the less people

you know the better.

Food is obviously valuable, so

keep close tabs on your money

to buy sensible stocks and get

riendly with someone in the

kitchen.

And most important, dont

have an attitude or take smack.

HMP A Survival Guide can be

ound atprisonism.info

loadeds guide to surviving jailHope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane. Whatever...

pic:rex