Problems of Form:•Avoid Passive Voice: (Use “The horses draw the cart” NOT “The cart is drawn by the horses.”)

•No 1st or 2nd person•Do not use rhetorical questions•Never refer to “today” or “today’s society”•Never refer to “the reader”•Do use the author’s name•Do use literary present tense•Underline words you are emphasizing: “Oliver uses the word pebbles to show. . .”

•Integrate quotes correctly: Incorporating Research Notes.doc

Some problems…• Drop-in ideas:“The title refers to the Prodigal Son in the Bible.

Geese, like the son, leave and come back home before long.”

[That’s it!] • Self-conscious references to the act of

analysis:“When analyzed, the poem can show many literary

techniques.”“Literary techniques are always hard to find.”“Even though it is hard to understand, once

dissected, it becomes clear.”[Dissected? Like a cadaver??]

Some problems…• The Rat-a-Tat:

“You don’t have to be good”; “You don’t have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the dessert”; “you only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves” represent the passage of the Prodigal Son.”

What’s wrong with this?

• Terrible Quote Integration!!

• Break the quotes up or use ellipses

• Remember to A-E-C

Problems of Structure:1. Work from the evidence to get ideas;

choose the best, most informative evidence.

2. USE THE FORMULA:• Assertion: a statement logically drawn from

the evidence

• Evidence: a quote is always stronger

• Comment: Explain what the quote means, why it is significant, what can be concluded from it. (“This means that. . .)

Plan your chunks before you write your thesis:

Example of THE FORMULA:

Assertion:  Mary Oliver uses repetition throughout the poem to reinforce a calming, restorative tone. Evidence: For instance, she repeats the word meanwhile three times: “Meanwhile the world goes on, Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebble of rain. . . Meanwhile the wild geese are heading home again.” Comment: This is important because it reinforces her idea that the life of the world goes on despite the pain and suffering of one individual.

• Do this three times to get a well-developed paragraph; you might add more later, especially more commentary.

“M. Oliver uses specific diction throughout the poem. For instance, she uses the word pebbles instead of droplets: “Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain. . .”

“For instance, she uses the phrase “pebbles of rain.” Oliver could easily have used words such as drips, drops or droplets. Instead she uses pebbles to convey a sense of pain and discomfort, as one would feel when pummeled by hailstones. This sensation of pain reveals the feelings that the speaker is addressing in the poem.”

If you refer to “the meaning of the poem,” it’s vague and weak; if you refer to “the theme of repentance and forgiveness,” it’s strong and

concrete:“In “Wild Geese” M. Oliver uses tone, repetition, and

references to a biblical text to advance the meaning of the poem.”

“In the poem “Wild Geese” M. Oliver uses syntax, diction, and literary techniques to craft the tale of a journey to redemption.”

“In her thought-provoking poem “Wild Geese,” M. Oliver uses various forms of diction and syntax to advance the theme of a journey from repentance to forgiveness and acceptance.”