Pullias Center for Higher Education I AM (Increasing Access via Mentoring) Program

Rossier School of EducationUniversity of Southern California

Personal Statements Essays, 2014

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

UC PROMPT #1____________________________________________________3

UC PROMPT #2___________________________________________________ 10

USC PROMPT ____________________________________________________ 16

THE COMMON APPLICATION ESSAY______________________________17

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University of California ApplicationPersonal Statement Prompt #1:

Describe the world you come from – for example, your family, community or school – and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

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Student A, Female Woodrow Wilson High SchoolUC Prompt #l

Another hit to bear from my brother. I was sitting at my desk, when he stormed into my room and demanded I give him the laptop. I refused and he punched me in the face. My brother dropped out of high school and for two years he lay around, drinking, without any job, prospects, social life, or potential future. The way he lived his life made him short tempered, so whenever he got upset he would take his anger out on me. Fortunately, I had school and my aunt’s house where I could escape from my brother.

When classes were out for the day, my cousin and I walked to her home. At home, I had to endure physical violence. There were days I did not want to go home because I was afraid of my brother; wondering if he would become violent again. I decided to keep myself busy and join programs, clubs, and basketball; that way I would have an excuse to not go home early. It was very exasperating for me because I could never get my homework done correctly and on time. Once I arrived home I would be greeted by yells and arguments because my brother always managed to get into trouble. I was forced to have all-nighters to catch up with homework I could not get done at my aunt’s house because she lived in a single bedroom apartment with my three cousins and her three granddaughters. I could never find a quiet place, there was always chaos. I would go to my aunt’s house and hear their problems and when I would go to my house it was the same. However, I rather be at my aunt’s house because at least there the problems did not affect me in the same way they affected me at home.

Because of these experiences, I make education a priority. Those days I spent at my aunt’s house helped me realize that even when I struggled to get my homework done I needed to remain resilient to reach my aspirations of going to college. My brother dropped out of high school because he failed to see that education offers many opportunities. Unlike my brother, I know the importance of education because I saw him as an example of what I didn’t want to be. I saw my parents as hard working people, working to provide my brother and me with a better future, and I knew I did not want their hard work to be in vain. As a first generation, I know that college seems far from reach, but I am determined to be the first in my family to attend a four year college.

I aspire to be a psychologist because I have always been fascinated as to how the brain works. I always questioned if people were born smart or if they become smart throughout the years? In my specific situation, I wondered how and why drugs and alcohol affects my brother’s temperament. My family’s experiences, good or bad, inspire me to strive for a higher education and major in psychology.

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Student B, Female John Marshall High School UC Prompt #l

The room is hot and stuffy and paint is chipping off the walls. The smell of my grandma’s cooking wafts into the living room where all fifteen of us are gathered. I can hear the sounds of my little cousins playing and screaming in my grandma’s bedroom. The hum of Spanish and English garbled together in the living room. My world is my family and although they don’t understand it I feel like it is time for me to venture out.

The room may be stuffy but it is not suffocating. I enjoy my family, especially playing games and acting silly with my younger cousins and brother. I don’t think that going away to college means leaving my family behind; to me it means coming back home with a whole new array of stories to tell. My family has always provided me with a nurturing environment that built a sense of security in my life. Although I love my family dearly I want to explore other cultures and meet different people that exist outside of my family circle. I want to fully experience what college is about and am now determined to forge my own path despite the disapproval of my dad.

Twenty years ago, my dad immigrated here because there was a war in his country. I know that my dad had courage because he essentially came here empty handed only knowing the address of where he was supposed to go. My dad sacrificed never seeing his family again for a better life for himself and his family back home. As a result he always emphasized the importance of family unity to me which also fostered his resistance to my wish of leaving home for college. That same courage has been transcribed unto me and it is what drives me towards fulfilling my ambitions.

Even though it makes me upset that he doesn‘t understand my motives, I understand my dad’s position. However, his unwillingness to let me go sometimes makes me hesitate and wonder, “Since my dad doesn’t approve does that mean that what I want is wrong?” My dad’s opinions have always shaped my world and for the first time it is I who is going to make the decision in the same hope for a better future that my dad had when he first arrived in this country. I will be a first generation college student and for this reason I am determined to pave the way for my little brother so that when it is his turn to leave the nest my parents will already have the experience and will be able to understand his ambitions better. Even though I am scared of the journey ahead of me I feel ready to pursue what I want in life. I need to leave the comfort blanket of my family to become the person who I want to be.

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Student C, MaleRoybal High School UC Prompt #l

Throughout my education, I have been aware of stereotypes. People think that most Hispanics don't get an education and end up in gangs. In my family, I am the one who is currently breaking this stereotype.

It all started in elementary school. I was getting good grades, but a few students didn't find that impressive, so they would call me names to put me down, but I didn't let them affect me. In middle school, it was much worse as it started to become physical. I experienced demeaning name calling, hitting, pushing, and more. I felt like I was different than everyone else, like I was an unwanted alien. Teachers did nothing to help me, so I went to see my counselor. I explained everything that was going on, and she was able to punish those students. With her support and my family's support, I was able to boost up my self-esteem and graduate middle school with 5 A's and 1 B. This is one of my obstacles I had overcome in my life. I currently participate in a program called “Goals for Life” since June 2012, an internship in the Bresee Foundation and what I do there is tutor and mentor middle school and high school students, this involved a comprehensive 6-week training period. This training helped me because it helped me learn how to talk to students and how to relate to them. Now that I’m about to talk and relate to students, I am able to better develop relationships with them, so that the students can have a role model who will help them with problems in their lives, such as the problems that I’ve gone through in middle school. This is why my involvement in “Goals for Life” is very important: To give back to the students so that they won’t end up like how I did in middle school, and being involved in it has helped me shaped my goals and aspirations.

My goal is to graduate from high school and receive a higher education than my parents, and become the first generation college student. I will attend a 4-year university that offers an excellent computer engineering or computer science program. My goal is to become a computer engineer after graduating from a prestigious university. I would like to stay in my home state as my first option so I can be close to my family. It’s important because I would like to keep the close relationship with my parents and sister. My future is bright, and not only will I make my family and my Hispanic community proud; I am making myself proud as well.

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Student D, Female Belmont High School UC Prompt #l

My father encourages me constantly, “You have it hard, I know. Don’t forget your whole family is here to support you. Your sisters are your resources and you must follow their footsteps. You will succeed just as much as they will; you just need to work a bit harder.” I am the youngest of three sisters. My father supports our family of five with an unstable factory job, which is the only job he can find because he is undocumented. My mother, also undocumented, is a non-English-speaking homemaker who has devoted herself to my sisters and me. My two sisters were born in the United States, but my parents and I were born in Hidalgo, Mexico. Thus, my parents understand why I must work harder than my sisters to succeed. However, we all keep in mind that our family is the source of our strength.

My father has always reminded me to be humble, to be myself, but most importantly to never forget where I came from. I was born in Hidalgo, Mexico and came to the U.S when I was only three years old. It is ironic that being the youngest sister, I am the only sister who is undocumented. Not being a U.S resident is a continuing life challenge—it has excluded me from jobs and academic programs, and I live with the fear that it will alter the course of my life, despite my determination to accomplish my great aspirations and dreams in the country that I have grown up to love.

Having grown up in the inner city of Los Angeles, I was surrounded by undocumented Latinos. As I grew older, I became aware of the high cost of being undocumented. Teenagers, who saw no future in college given their legal status, turned to the streets for a life of crime. Choosing early on not to succumb to peer pressure and the crime in my gang-infested neighborhood, I walked a different path. I worked hard at school, participated in sports, joined clubs, and sought out mentors who could help me get into college. I choose to believe in an America where I will be accepted.

I seek the college that best suits me so that I can major in math and/or accounting. I have always enjoyed the precise way that numbers resolve a problem. I view accounting as the mastery of money and a type of empowerment. Since money has been limited in our family to pay for the bare necessities, I would enjoy investing and organizing money.

After my education, I hope to return to the Latino community that I have grown up in to share my knowledge and invest in my neighborhood. I would like to enrich my community and share a sense of empowerment with other Latinos, especially those who are undocumented like me. I hope that my example will motivate others to believe that hard work and education can be rewarding. I also want to sensitize the entertainment world to the Latino culture and fracture Latin stereotypes, so working behind the scenes in television might be another career path where I could achieve my goals of helping my community.

Being part of my school’s Track and Field team has taught me the value of endurance to meet challenges, coupled with speed at the end to win. I apply these lessons to my life, and the multiple challenges to come. I have faith the Dream Act will ultimately pass, especially now that

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President Obama has been elected for a second term. In my personal dreams, I see a race of long duration requiring great strength and endurance, with my family cheering me all the way, but the last part is a sprint. I have spent fifteen years, patiently working hard, being humble, accepting gratefully what this great country has shared with me as an undocumented person. But I hope that I can overcome the “burden” I have borne, this ironic “absence” of papers. I foresee that I will graduate from college, stand tall along with my classmates, and become a CPA and/or an executive in the television industry who showcases Latinos and makes the world more welcoming to all Latinos.

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Student E, Female Fremont High School UC Prompt #l

Dad, Dad, wake up! Those were the words that haunted me from that frightening night. My friend and I were ready to go off to sleep as I heard a strange noise coming from the sidewalk. I jumped out of the bed and I took a peek out of my window as I saw a mysterious man stealing my mother’s car. I quickly ran out to inform my father about the scene and we were all in a panic. We did not know whether we should go outside and face this thief or call the police. All that ran through my head was the thief having a weapon and my family’s safety.

Scary events like this happen so often in my neighborhood that I’ve gotten used to it. I was born and raised in South Central, Los Angeles, where the area is negatively influenced by gangs, drugs, and crimes. Having lived there all my life, I’ve witnessed firsthand how people continuously struggle to live a decent life. I see homeless people by the freeway with only a blanket to sleep on desperately begging for change so they can eat. I watch my family members work hard even though they have minimum wage jobs which can barely provide for their family. As I walk down familiar streets each day, I see walls tagged with graffiti from local neighborhood crews who have no future. Many young people in my community end up choosing the wrong path by dropping out of school, getting pregnant, or living off of the government. I am hungry for more than this, I want to be the individual that will set the example that nothing is impossible to achieve.

Someday, I dream of becoming a doctor who will help my community with the medical services and knowledge I plan to obtain later by going to college. I know many people in my community cannot afford to pay for health insurance and have to wait for a long time to get services. Personally, my family experiences this every time we are sick or try to go for a checkup. By going back to help my community I can help the people that live the lifestyle I grew up in. I know it will be the best feeling to work in an environment where I can give back to my community.

As bad as it sounds, my community has been a place that has taught me great lessons. It has shown me that education is the only way out. My community has been my motivation to stay in school and work hard to become someone successful. It has influenced me not to give up on life and accomplish everything I set my mind to. I am proud to say that this is the place that I call home. A place where horrible things happen, but has made me the stronger person I am today who can face any obstacle that is thrown in my path.

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University of CaliforniaPersonal Statement Prompt #2:

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality makes you proud and how does it relate to the person

you are?

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Student F, Female Fremont High School UC Prompt #2

Undocumented - helpless, hopeless, wary of one's future. Life as an undocumented student is very rigid and distressing. Dreams of obtaining a higher education was definitely a struggle for me considering the fact that I was undocumented. Just thinking of my future without a college degree depressed me because I have big dreams. I want to attend college and become someone influential. I did not want to end up like my father, working intensively and only earning a minimum wage. My objective is to surpass every barrier that interferes in my way to become someone successful. The fact that I was undocumented tore my heart apart.

The moment I thought about my future and the high cost of college made me erupt in tears. In addition to the high cost of college I did not have a social security number to obtain a job. The years I had here in Los Angeles, California felt useless. I once had in mind going back to my native country because the opportunities here in the United States were limited. Escaping my stress and reality was one of my options. I did not want to live in a world where everything was stressful and difficult to obtain. I overcame this stress and decided to excel academically. Even though I was undocumented I was not going to let that fact from keeping me down and depressed. My hopes stayed alive; I always waited for the day to become a United States permanent resident. It became a reality.

In February 2011, something happened that would change my life forever. My family and I received an Immigration Reform letter. Wow! I had finally become United States permanent resident thanks to my father's unrelenting determination to provide a better life for our family. As soon as I finished reading the letter I jumped up and ran to hug my family. I cried for joy and excitement. My dreams became bigger and the stress was right away abolished. My family's involvement and persistence with an immigration lawyer had finally paid off. All my stress and disappointment ended as soon as I received my most valuable possession, my green card.

This accomplishment has opened new doors for me. Now, I can receive financial aid and have access to other great resources that will help me pay for my college expenses. I now have so many opportunities; the ones I did not have when I was undocumented. Now, I feel more confident and determined to reach my goal of attending college and becoming someone influential.

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Student A, Female Woodrow Wilson High SchoolUC Prompt #2

Leaving a school that was like a second home to me for an AP class seemed absurd even to my own ears. It was my junior year and my friends were teasing me, saying I was dumb for wanting to transfer out of a school for a math class. My love for math left me with a choice to make, so I weighed my options: either I stay at Mendez, which is a new high school in Boyle Heights, and work with their lack of advanced math classes and electives, or I transfer to Wilson, which is my home school, and offers the AP Calculus BC class I wanted to take, plus more electives. I asked my Calculus AB teacher, my counselor, and my parents for advice, but it only made matters worse for me. They all offered different opinions to my situation. I Googled Wilson’s profile and discovered that it is ranked as one of the worst schools, in the Los Angeles Unified School District, because its API Score is low. Meanwhile Mendez has a higher API Score, and this was a huge factor because I did not want to risk leaving a good school for one that is ranked as the worst. I decided to ask a couple of my friends that transferred out of Wilson because I know better than to believe everything I see on the internet. I also asked myself how badly I wanted my Calculus class.

Ever since I was small I listened to my dad talk about how Calculus is very difficult and how he would be proud if either my brother or I took the class. I was a sophomore in Calculus AB and I felt accomplished; I knew I wanted to keep going, and I did. It is not only about my dad’s expectations, but about math itself and how it makes me feel. Whenever I see a math problem I am eager to take it apart and solve it, and even if I do not get the correct answer I ask for another similar problem and try a different approach until I solve it correctly. Calculus offered me an appreciation for challenges because I loved the feeling of accomplishment whenever I was able to solve a problem.

After agonizing weeks of debating whether I should transfer or not, I finally made my choice and bid good-bye to my second family at Mendez. The fact that I decided for myself makes me proud. If I had had to decide this my freshmen year I would not have jeopardized my friendships for a class.

My first day in my math class at Wilson was wonderful because my teacher shared my enthusiasm towards math, and my classmates made me feel welcome. Right then I knew that Wilson was the school for me and I was glad I chased after the class I felt passionate about despite the teasing from my peers at Mendez.

I chose to take a risk for the education I wanted, and it has taught me to trust my decisions. I am not afraid to leave my home to chase after what I am passionate about, and I am up for the challenges and new experiences that college will be able to offer me.

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Student B, Female John Marshall High School UC Prompt #2

I was behind the curtain waiting for my cue. My heart was racing and I could feel the anxiety building up in my stomach. I was the girl who avoided eye contact in the hallways and now I was going to have to dance like a crazy person in front of my whole theater class! What a nightmare! Suddenly I heard my cue and I had no choice but to walk on stage with a straight posture and an amiable countenance as I tried to ignore my bubbling nerves and the fact that I was out of breath. However, when the music began, my mind cleared and I transformed into my character. All my fears vanished. I smiled to myself as I danced like no maniac had danced before. Before I knew it I was back in my seat and was so relieved. I felt happy and proud of myself for having faced my fears especially after three encores. Surrounded by genuine laughter and cheers of support from my peers I realized the greatness that can happen when I conquer my fears. Dancing crazily in front of my class was a step towards my own empowerment. I was always the quiet girl in class who never raised her hand. This all begun to change during my senior year. I have made a conscious effort to break free from my shell and start discovering my voice. I am no longer afraid to participate in class discussions. I also have acquired leadership skills through my internship at the Science Center where I lead presentations and constantly push myself to speak up. The fear of other people judging me has kept me in the shadows way too long. That is why dancing like a crazy person was important to me. I felt invincible. We are all susceptible to fear but the distinguishing factor is whether or not we let it control our destiny. However, being the quiet girl has not necessarily caused me to lead a dark and lonely existence. Having been the underdog for many years I now look out for those who are shy. I remember in tenth grade I dreaded having to pick our groups for class presentations. I would find myself sitting alone waiting for a group to include me by default. Now as a senior whenever we are told to choose our own groups I am not shy to stand up and join a group. If I see someone sitting alone I invite them to join in too. I know what it feels like to be overlooked in a crowd and to be left alone, without a single friendly smile for comfort and I do not like to see others go through the same thing.

My dance performance was more than a fleeting rush of liberation, it helped me see all that I can accomplish when I confront my fears and dare do things I would have previously thought impossible. By exposing myself to new challenges I strengthen my voice and help others find their own.

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Student D, Female Belmont High School UC Prompt #2

The phone started to ring, and as I reached out, I saw an unknown number on the screen. I answered and heard her voice. It was Nancy Sanchez, the manager from Constitutional Rights Foundations. She greeted me by saying, “Congratulations Stephany Acosta, you have been one of the 50 students chosen to be part of the program for the Summer!” At that moment tears began running down my face because I was happy my hard work finally paid off.

One of the most important accomplishments I feel proud of achieving is getting accepted to the Constitutional Rights Foundation as an intern for the Alzheimer’s Association for Summer of 2012. My family was greatly struggling to survive in this economic crisis so I looked for any opportunity to help support them. With this internship, I pictured myself working in a professional environment where I could make a difference with the knowledge I obtained and the skills I acquired. Once I found out about this opportunity, my mind was set on what I wanted and needed in order to take a further step into what I want to be in the future.

The program kicked off with an orientation to meet new students from different schools who would be spending the summer together. During each seminar we would cover different topics such as presentations skills, civic engagement, communication skills, professionalism, and other topics that would help prepare us for our internship, as well as for our future. At first, it was difficult for me to adapt because I was frightened to be in a big city alone. But, the thought of my family motivated me and I knew I had to face my fears. Every day for two months, I would walk into the building and perform different types of office procedures, including typing, photocopying, keeping track of materials and organizing them, filing, making and answering phone calls, packaging, and data entry. I enjoyed assisting the Alzheimer’s staff because there was something new to do each day.

Applying to Constitutional Rights Foundations and working for the Alzheimer’s Association has been one of the best decisions that I’ve made in my life. I feel proud for being selected as one of the members for this very competitive program in which hundreds of students applied. From this experience, I gained a better understanding about how the real world is, but also learned valuable work experience, had the chance to network with people, and discovered another side of myself that would help me in accomplishing anything I set my mind to in the future. The experience will remain with me and I will apply what I learned to face my future as a successful individual.

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Student C, MaleRoybal High School UC Prompt #2

I finally learned about the kind of person I am when I participated in the Young Senators Program from January 2011 to July 2011. It helped me to form and shape my aspirations. I hoped to be in such a program, and when I found out I was accepted into the program, it made me think that I can achieve anything that I set my mind to.

Assembly member Gilbert Cedillo of the 45th District from the city of Los Angeles sponsored this program which consisted of sophomores and juniors from different high schools. During the program, I learned about politics, the legislative process, such as how a bill becomes a law, and different bills that were currently going into Congress and how they function, as well as the people in Congress. Some of the bills I’ve learned about were related to fake firearms, same-sex marriages, regulation of medical marijuana dispensaries, car rental safety, regulation of E-wastes, and more. There were meetings that I had to attend once a month, and during these meetings, I met and learned about different organizations such as CHIRLA, Coalition for Humane Immigrant Rights of Los Angeles, which is a nonprofit organization working to advance the human and civil rights of immigrants and refugees in Los Angeles.

During the Sacramento trip, I stayed at the dorms of Cal State University, Sacramento, and it was my first time away from home. Also, I visited the State Capitol building, and participated in a mock hearing in the California Senate Chamber, debating actual bills that were currently going into Congress. I also met important people at the State Capitol, such as other senators, lobbyists, and other important people who are involved in politics. Being in the Young Senators Program and going on the Sacramento trip has impacted my life in so many ways. Since I lived on my own, I learned how to take the initiative and be more mature. Also, since I learned about different careers in politics; I can think about different career choices I would have to make before I actually graduate from high school. Overall, being in the Young Senators Program has changed and developed my character greatly.

After participating in the Young Senators Program, it motivated me to get more involved in my community and improve my leadership skills, and I did this by being involved in the Angelino’s Youth Leadership Group in El Centro Del Pueblo, a community center located in the Echo Park area. During my participation, I have been planning and organizing events for the community, giving out food to the less fortunate, giving toys to kids, spreading awareness of recycling and the homeless issues, and getting the community more involved, such as having a Dia De Los Muertos event (Day of the Dead) with vendors, altars, food, and entertainment. I still participate in the leadership group today, showing my continuous commitment to my community. It has helped me improve my leadership skills, my social skills, and my ability to take initiative and take responsibility for my actions.

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USC's speaker series "What Matters to Me and Why" asks faculty and staff to reflect on their values, beliefs, and motivations. Presenters talk about choices they have made, difficulties encountered, and commitments solidified. Write an essay about an event or experience that helped you learn what is important to you and why it is important.

Student 1, MaleLocke High SchoolUniversity of Southern CaliforniaPersonal Statement Freshman Prompt

Watts: a word with a negative connotation already laced amongst its letters. To many people, the simple thought of the area immediately evokes the image of danger and drug abuse. But living in Watts does not make it impossible for anyone to live their life; it just makes it a bit more challenging. Even here, there is room for change, but many people choose not to see that fact, including some of the residents.

As a resident of Watts, I have heard a plethora of gunshots and car accidents. I have seen homeless people on the streets, and even worse, people my age discriminating against those same individuals. It is incredibly sad to be afraid of walking through one’s own community because of the knowledge of what happens to some unfortunate people. I have personally been robbed while simply walking home in broad daylight and nobody helped. Since then, I have realized what kind of problems I am truly exposed to in my community. The choice I had to make then was to either fall victim to the issues and let influences stop me in my tracks, or keep fighting to get ahead in life and to continue on for a better future for myself.

Over the years I have tried ensuring that I received the most from my education, and I have had to overcome many differing obstacles to do so. My parents have not been able to stress enough how important my education is to them. They got to this point in their lives with little to no education at all, and they do not want me to endure the same struggle as them. Although they completely understand it is very challenging to get the best education, they continuously push me to take advantage of every opportunity. The school I go to is full of many students who act like they do not care for their education, and they try bringing others down with them as well. But I have come to realize that with a little bit of determination and focus, I can get through without them affecting me. I have come much too far to let anybody else stop me from progressing. If there is one thing I have learned about myself these past seventeen years, it would be the fact that I am not one to quit easily. I fight for what I want, no matter how difficult it is to acquire. The place I live and the residents here are merely obstacles for me to hurdle over.

As difficult as this neighborhood is, I do not really want to leave the area for college, at least not by a great distance. I want to study hard and show that even a student hailing from Watts can make it further than anyone ever thought. I wish to return to this community in the future with a full education and help train the youth of the future here to become better persons. Although furthering my education after high school will be incredibly demanding and stressful, I will know by the newfound greatness in the students and children of Watts during my adult years that my struggle was incredibly worth it. Nobody deserves to live such stressful lives to be happy in the future, and the next generation should be able to have an even better education than I did.

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The Common Application Essay

Please write an essay (250 words minimum) on a topic of your choice or on one of the options listed below. This personal essay helps us to become acquainted with you as a

person and student, apart from courses, grades, test scores, and other objective data. It will also demonstrate your ability to organize your thoughts and express yourself.

1.) Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

2.) Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.

3.) Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

4.) Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence.

5.) A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that

illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.

6.) Topic of your choice.

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Student H, FemaleJohn Marshall High SchoolCommon Application Essay #3

My mother reminds me of Bertha Mason in Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre. Both were locked-up madwomen, abused and married to men who say they were tricked. In the absence of love from her husband Edward Rochester, Bertha is depicted as a violently insane wife who is caught in an oppressive patriarchal society. The novel, unveiling her unfortunate fate, ends with her jumping off the roof after she bums down Thornfield Manor. Like Rochester, my father claims he was deceived into his marriage. He said the one thing he liked was that my mother only listened and served him well. "I should have known something was wrong. I should have known she was deranged."

My father used his tongue blandishingly to coax my mother into a speedy marriage, casting a spell on her with his Byronic hero image. Out of the blue, after she came back from a date, she said she would marry him.

But my grandmother says, "He tricked us. He does squalid work, selling locks and changing keys. PhD? My ass. He works in a small cart with his hands, sturdy and black."

My father failed to penetrate the concrete wall of competitive college entrance exams in Korea and sought to make up his shameful mistake in a new country. He enrolled in South Baylo University in Los Angeles to study oriental medicine and earned his PhD. I later learned he never had any passion to heal others, including my mother with her mental health problems. He only sought to make decent money with a prominent profession. My father was afraid of disparagement, as Rochester feared crashing down into poverty. He convinced himself that he was determined and responsible, and guiltlessly made people believe that he was a "poor guy, with a crazy mate."

When my mother left to go back to Korea, my father repeated, ''1 did not hit your mother. Did you see me?" From my experience of almost a decade, hitting was not the main issue. It was simply the screaming, thrown objects, and watching him act as if nothing had ever happened.

I mechanically served my father by locking up my mother. He had installed a double lock in our apartment because she kept wandering off when we were away at work and school. My recollection of my mother is of an emotionally battered woman smiling into my face in the absence of order.

I later found out from my aunt that my mother, a German Language and Culture major (from Sookmyung Women's University, one of the top female universities in Korea) was bullied at her workplace because of her strangeness. Also, from taking a psychology class at Los Angeles City College, I learned that my father or my culture was not the cause of her mental illness. When it was easy to blame others, I did not feel unfortunate to have a mentally ill mother. I felt numb and I endured.

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I learned to use what I inherited from my father: an idiosyncratic mind and fanaticism for film. I wish to share my point of view through cinematography and film/video production. I believe creating motion pictures is a way to share experiences with others. I know there are other genres that I must explore in college. I would love the opportunity to take theatre classes: I sometimes act out scenes in front of peers embracing how different and interesting each person is. I value every experience and different cultures, and this drives me to show and tell. When I watch films, I take in the plot and characters as real life events. I enjoy analyzing symbols, debating the cinematic values, and sometimes I take them in as the therapy and care that I lack at home. In hopes of instilling self-esteem and happiness in others' lives, I would like to influence people with films.

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