Leisure

Old Time Pranks

Science

Measuring the Speed of light with sausage

International News

Korea Rising

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EditorialDirector & Editor

Timothy Sit

Writers

Ho Yin Kwok - Measuring The Speed Of Light With Sausage

Michael Mak - Top Ten News Prank

This Month in Science

Nicole Chan - Old Time Pranks

Jimmy Zhang - Candy Cures Cancer

Karen Wong - Sleep

Anakin Cheung - Open Day Review

Bethanie Choi - Stupid Pi

David Chu - Twitch Plays Pokemon

Terence - Korea Rising

Chief Designer Winnie Chong

Designers

Yudi Liu

Ka Lui Lam

Dorothy Ho

Web Producer Bethanie Choi

PhotographerNicholas Kan

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Special News

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ContentsFrom the Editor

This Month in Science

Old Time Pranks

Open Day Review

Sleep

Candy Cures Cancer

Stupid Pi

Top 8 Fake News

Twitch Plays Pokemon

Speed of light

Korea Rising

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SCIENCE

This Month in Science:

said theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking to Neil Turok, director of the Perimeter Institute for Theoretical Physics in Canada. Gravitational waves are, by the way, ripples that carry energy across the universe1. And if that doesnt mean anything to you, try this analogy: If space-time is a towel (Everyone knows that space and time are woven together, right?), gravitational waves will be the ripples on that towel. And if that still doesnt work for you, try this video.2 But lets not go off-track from Stephen Hawkings gambling addiction with some unimportant discovery about the nature of the birth of the universe that will, at most, only grant some scientists a Nobel prize.3 This is not the first time the gambling

addict Stephen Hawking indulged in his addiction by placing bets on scientific discoveries with other scientists. However, this is one of the rare moments where he actually won, or is about to win, the bet. He recently lost $100 to Gordon Kane at the University of Michigan after betting that scientists at CERN, home of the Large Hadron Collider near Geneva, would not find the Higgs boson. They discovered the particle in July 2012.4 In his book A Brief History of Time Stephen Hawking described another bet with physicists Kip Thorne on the existence of black holes, in which he lost, again: ...This was a form of insurance policy for me. I have done a lot of work on

black holes, and it would all be wasted if it turned out that black holes do not exist. But in that case, I would have the consolation of winning my bet, which would win me four years of the magazine Private Eye. If black holes do exist, Kip will get one year of Penthouse ...Although the situation with Cygnus X-1 has not changed much since we made the bet in 1975, there is now so much other observational evidence in favour of black holes that I have conceded the bet. I paid the specified penalty, which was a one year subscription to Penthouse, to the outrage of Kip's liberated wife. Stephen Hawking, theoretical physicist, gambling addict.

I bet you that the Planck satellite will discover the gravitational wave signal of inflation, which would immediately disprove your theory

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measuring

the

We at The Pulse like to dirty our hands, and so this month in science, we are measuring the speed of light by celebrating our sense of taste. However, there are a few things our dear readers will need to know. i i i To determine the speed of light, we are measuring the speed of microwaves since microwaves travel at the same speed as light. I see you look puzzled because you think microwaves do not move at the speed of light when all they do is sit in your kitchen and cook food. But heres an intuitive scientific explanation that will blow your mind. Your microwaves movement is severely restrained because it is plugged. Unplugging it does not help since microwaves cannot operate without power. In 2006, a series of experiments were carried out on battery-powered microwaves. No movements were detected, but the scientific community constructed a theory stating that we do not observe light-speed movements of microwaves since the frequency of microwaves is not in the visible spectrum. The science Allowing the microwave to interact with food will let us measure the speed of light. Because of the apparent stationary nature and magnetic property of the electrical appliance, microwaves are standing electromagnetic waves, which are non-travelling waves that oscillate in a fixed position. The fixed points on the wave are called nodes, while antinodes are the points that wave the most. Energy that is given to the food is concentrated at the antinodes, and so hotspots are formed at these peaks of the wave. If wavelength and frequency of the microwave are known, you can calculate the speed of light.

We arrive at a tasty dilemma. Even though the conventional chocolate method is preferred by 71% of science teachers, according to research at the Max Planck Institute for the Science of Light, the chocolate method does not enable accurate calculations for the speed of light, and measures a value that is closer to the speed of dark. Physicists suggest that the speed of dark approximates to 100 metres per 9.58 seconds and that is not what we want. The Pulse always goes the extra mile, hence we propose using the JOHNSONVILLE Beddar with Cheddar Smoked Sausage method to approach a more accurate answer.

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What to do 1. Read the microwaves frequency on its back. Ours

reads 2450MHz, meaning that the waves travel up and down 2.45 billion times every second.

2. Remove the microwaves turning plate. They turn

your results around and render them useless.

3. Plonk your JOHNSONVILLE Beddar with Cheddar Smoked Sausage into the microwave for a few seconds until its surface bubbles.

4. Collect your test subject and measure the distance between the two bubbles in metres. Multiply this distance by 2 to obtain the wavelength of the microwave. Hint: Dont worry if it is not micro

. 1. Use the following equation to calculate the speed of

light in metres per second.

Our results Unfortunately, we could not arrive at a fruitful conclusion due to an unforeseeable error. Our lab assistant forgot to check the JOHNSONVILLE Beddar with Cheddar Smoked Sausages country of origin and only after the experiment did we discover that the measurements were restricted to Freedom Units, making it impossible to carry out calculations. Our suggestions While JOHNSONVILLE Beddar with Cheddar Smoked Sausages taste like a dream in your mouth, we recommend that they are strictly used for consumption. To avoid our delicious mistake, try using compatible European sausage variants such as the Wiener or the Frankfurter. Try at home! We highly recommend you to try this experiment at home! If you feel like challenging the geek in you, why not overclock your microwave to 3000MHz to increase its cooking performance and obtain more data values? Send your results to The Pulse, we are very interested in your findings! Tip Liquid cooling apparatus is needed to reach such high clock rates. Tilting your apparatus at SMALL degrees will facilitate the cooling to desired temperatures. Luckily, the Kelvin scale is not measured in degrees so there shouldnt be concerns of wiping out life nearby if handled CAREFULLY. Caution Your wiener may appear 650MHz bluer after heating. Potentially harmful effects to health are unknown. Proceed eating at own risk. Not so fast! If you somehow managed to break the speed of light, The Pulse is not responsible for fixing it.

Speed of light=frequencywavelength or

v=f

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Candy Candy cuRes The findings

By Jimmy Zhang

L

n a secret investigation carried out in a former British colony, Professor J.K. Kennedy use a transmission laser dissector to cut open a small wound in the lower part of the abdomen, which will expose the cell membrane of the Twinkies. These membranes are then collected using a suction cup specially designed by the Weimar Republic of Germany (a leading country of research apparatus) to further examine the specimen. Although from 2002 to 2013, only 23 attempt out the 55900 trials were successful, a team of elite cell biologist were able to collide the membranes with hydro-condense neutron to reveal a set of rare DNA formula that contain all 6 types of daily nutrient. This is among one of the greatest discover of the decade, Doctor Lorenzo Von Pu- tin told us. The elements of all 6 types of nutrients are present in the DNA, so with some minor tweak to recalibrate the taste and the texture, it is very possible to modified Twinkies to any type of food we desire.

I

ast year, on the 29th of February, Twinkies, formally known as Gnomo (A Spanish term), was nominated as composite nutrient food, or super food by the University of Standford and Rockcrest Collegiate #$$%$ #%!" #$)! $$#$#,$#()nutrients from the major food group recommended by the Institution of Health and Hygiene in Pakistan.

Apart from the rare DNA sample, it is also discovered that when cooked, the Twinkies released a protein call gluten-freetos that can cure cancer 12 times faster than regular treatment. The release in gluten-freetos can be represented using the following 2 formulas: Initial Phase: The Shi-RUK semi-decomposition equation Beta Phase: The Al-Theta combustion equation The result product can be represented by the following 2 structural formulae

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fools

I Political Conspiracy

Not only, Twinkies is about to take over the internet with the recent popular meme. Doge meme, is a new meme that has been surfing around the internet for a while now, and one of the greatest thing they found is that Twinkies, is, the key to success.

n 2007, 2 month before President Obama was elected, he claimed that he ate a package of Twinkies send by anonymous source. Obama, in his memoir, Mein Kampf, wrote: As I eat the last bit of Twinkies, I feel victory is within my reach. Some geographer says that illuminati were behind Obamas victory in 2008 and 2012, this is because right before the election, a picture of Twinkies was surfing around on 4chan, and a detail analyst of the image is below.

FBI agent, Ronald McCafe brought back evidence that suggest Twinkies may be the answer to why Kim Jong Il was able to consolidate power. Agent Ronald told us It appears that Kim Jong Il, like president Obama, was eating Twinkies all these time.

The soft creamy texture of Twinkies make Kim Jong Il beautiful and powerful, and this secret formula was pass down to his successor, Jim Jong Un. Below is a totally not photo shopped picture of Kim Jong U holding the Twinkies

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Kim Jong Un is the MOST Attractive Man in the World

T$P 8

huit Study Finds That President George W. Bush has Lowest IQ Among Presidents of Last 50 Years We all know George W. Bush wasnt doing a great job as the President of the United States; but who knows that his IQ was only 99?! Reports show that Bush is not even capable of tying his own shoelaces and yet hes in office for 8 years! His lack of grasp in English and limited use of vocabulary ranked him at 91 amongst 100 other presidents around the world. The average IQ of an adult is around 100, while the average IQ of a US president is above 130. The world leading country once had a president with an IQ score below average, an IQ score equal to a grocery worker probably the greatest joke ever.

77 sept And it all comes to TOK Theory of Knowledge. What defines beauty? What defines

attractiveness? The general public defines beauty as having large eyes, tall nose, thick lips, smooth skin; defines attractive as muscular, having curves, long thin legs etc. However, the North Koreans have a different perspective. When speaking of most attractive man in the world, it has to be their leader Kim Jong Un! He was described as devastatingly handsome, round face, his boyish charm, and his strong, sturdy frame, this Pyongyang-bred heartthrob is every womans dream come true. Boys and girls, guess its time for a change in perspective for the word ATTRACTIVE.

Photographs Prove Man Flies on Lung-Powered Plane

Still thinking of jetpacks and rocket boots? Why not try the newest Lung-Powered Plane? This plane not only gives you the ability to fly, its also easy to control! All you need to do is breath normally and youll fly like an eagle! I believe a I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky You can even make one your own! All you need is 2 x A2 size paper, 4 X apple tree branch, a pile of pineapple leaves and a straw big enough to fit inside your trachea. LOL just kidding! This awfully photoshopped went viral after being published in notable websites such as BBC and CNN. If you actually believed this at first, Ive got bad news for you six

attractive. man.in the. world. By Michael Mak news! news! fake most.

In this April fools' edition of the Pulse Magazine we not only bring you quality fake news, but also celebrate what the media has done for April fools in the past few years, here are some of our favorites.

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5. cinq Guardian Goggles

It looks just like any other ordinary glasses. Its so ordinary that you can easily mix it up with normal glasses. However when you put it on, when you see the world through this piece of fine manufactured glass, you get the Guardian view, the view only the Guardian can have, the unique view, the view that belongs only to you. No touch is required, no sound is required; it syncs directly with your thoughts just by the sensor implanted in the letter G next to the glass. Want to know the weather now? Think about it, theres it. Want to know which movie to watch? Think about it, theres it. Want to know the directions to a restaurant? Think about it, theres it. The Guardian Goggles, the Guardian view.

qua Ocean levels could rise foot or more if lots of people go swimming

Global warming is getting more and more severe. Researches show that if this continues, man kind will be extinct in less than 100 years. Sea levels are rising at average 3.23 foot a year. However various studies found out that sea level in summer is higher than in winter times. Although there isnt any scientific proof on it, numerous scientists state that this was mainly because of the huge amount of people going to beaches during summer time compared to winter. So does that mean people who are going to beaches are the main ones who are causing sea level to rise? So theyre the ones who are killing the environment? Better not go to the beach nowadays

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trois

Using WoW tactics to escape from bear attack The general public tends to have a bad impression in video gaming. People who play video games are losers, uneducated people and cowards. However, this time its a different story. 9-year-old boy Timothy was playing in the snow with his younger sister Elsa. A grizzly bear showed up and was slowly approaching these two kids. Normal kids might have got eaten already. Timothy used the combination of leer, bait, stealth and escape skills to safely escape away from the bear with his sister. When asked how did he did this so smoothly without getting injured, his answer was I am a lv.90 WoW Paladin Orc player, I do this every night, not facing bears, but dragons. Children these days are truly epic.

Titanic 4D

Ever wanted to ride onto the Titanic cruise? Ever thought of having first persons view when Titanic is sinking? Let me tell you folks, its not a dream anymore! Here I present you Titanic 4D! This time you dont get to sit in ordinary stupid looking cinema chairs, but on Titanics 1:1 lifeboat! You dont get to watch the Titanic sink; you feel the Titanic sink as your lifeboat will sunk down the tank of water below! What are you still waiting for? Only a limited number of tickets are available! Send us an e-mail now and well give you a free premier ticket! *Titanic 4D premiers on 1.4.2097

tre

deux 02

O1 Google Nose!

Google, the worlds largest database, has information about everything in the world. There are images, facts, videos, news etc. Still, something is missing. We can view photos, watch videos, listen to music; but we cant smell it. Introducing you to the new Google Nose Beta, the new system which allows you to smell almost everything you find in the internet! Life is short and people are rushing through it. We often miss out tiny little things that pass through our life. Now Google Nose Beta allows you to search for scent! With the new technology that causes the electric wave and protons in the air to react together forming hydrogen bonds, we can now smell from the computer. Want the smell of a rose? Search it, click the scent button, smell; as simple as 1,2,3! Google Nose Beta now available, smell more than what you usually smell. u

n

really?

$h!

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NEWS

Best Rising Best Korea is Best Korea

For 6 millennia, people all over the globe, with their non-Korean ignorance, have vastly underestimated the overall superiority of Best Korea, the birthplace of existence. From the moment Kim Il-Sung created the world, Best Korea has the attributes that no other civilization will ever process. Best Koreas unity is stronger than any other, such is that Best Koreans are physically attracted to each other when in proximity, and will have difficulties distancing themselves. Best Koreas arts and culture are the avant-garde of beauty, a blend of innovation, tradition and elegance that non Best Koreans couldnt even fathom, let alone appreciate. Best Koreas language sooths the mind, and its rhythm and rhyme could bring the universe to harmony. Such is the Best Korean language thats so unique, so primordial, yet universal. Best Koreas irrefutable superiority has led to the jealousy and fear of all those around them, but those who make themselves the enemy of Best Korea will quickly understand the idiocy of their decision. The Roman Empire, the Incans, the Nazis, the Mongols; these are but just some of the empire taught to fear Best Korea. As a result, none of these empires have even dared to

touch an inch of Best Korean Soil. Best Koreas scientific progression has been the forefront of civilization. The recent expeditionary trip to the Sun is undeniable expertise in space travel. Even before other civilizations have begun to understand the Earth is round, Best Korea has mapped out the cosmos, a feat unsurpassed until the late 20th century. Best Korea also has contributed to 100% of the scientific breakthroughs known to man. Unfortunately, 99.999% of those discoveries have been stolen by other civilizations, unable to do so themselves, and credited the thieves as the inventor. In order to stop these foreign thieves from stealing technology, akin to rats raiding a barn, Best Korea has locked and slammed to door to others, in order to protect its scientific rights.

With such a zeal for truth, justice, and love, Best Koreans are gifted with morality, intelligence and character that outclass any other race by a wide margin. A lower race being in company with a Best Korean will cause infatuation, adoration, and lifelong loyalty to the Best Korean. Even though Best Koreans are the epitome of the human species, their great leader Kim Jong-Un is the epitome of existence. Spontaneously created by his own will, Kim Jong-Uns birth to oversee

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News

this world is a 7000-year tradition for Best Koreans to hold a leader to maintain peace in the universe. Being perfect in every regard, Kim Jong-Uns malevolent rule of his domain is the model of every leader, except for the hundreds of colonialist despots, which scheme to see the downfall of the Best

Korean leader. Obviously, these threat only serve to harden Kin Jong-Uns resolve to eliminate these dictators, and liberate their people, who have been so indoctrinated as too see Best Korea as backwards, authoritarian, and in poverty.

For now Best Korea will be biding its time, for an accident strike may cause Earth to be knocked off its orbit. But one day, when Best Korea feels right to liberate this Earth, the new rejuvenation of mankind will be upon us.

- N O T

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