QuestToFreedomManifesto

Wisdom,Insight,Sincerity

Beopentochange,embracetheunknown,fallintothe

uncertaintyholdingyoursoul,respectyourself,yourbody,yourthoughts,valueyou!Bepresenttotheabundance

aroundyouinthesounds,thesmells,thevibration.Believeinyoursuccess,believeinyour

possibilities,elevateyourmindlikethegreats,letitunfold,drinkfromthefirehose,pushyourstandardsbeyondthe

thresholdbarriers,smashyourlimitingbeliefs,movethroughthefreezeintothevastnessthat’syou,letthedogseatthedogma,flowwithinnerease,conspirefortriumphandrealisationsyettoemerge.Knowthatyouarelovedandloveoften,leadthewaysotheymayfollow,letfunbethebenchmarkandalways

physicallypushharder,feelthegratitude,livewithgratitudeandgivewithgratitude.Doitonceandexcel.

Whatcountsinlifeisnotthemerefactthatwehavelived.Itiswhatdifferencewehave

madetothelivesofothersthatwilldeterminethesignificance

ofthelifewelead.

—NelsonMandela

Testimonials:

‘I sought coaching because I hadcome to a point in my life where Ifelt that I had little to no controlover my life and decisions. I wascontinually stressed at work andconstantly mad and sad about nothavingrealisedanyofmydreamsorhaving any time to work on mypersonal growth. The worst thingwasthatIcouldn’tarticulatehoworwhythiswasthecase…IknewthatIneededsomeguidancebutIdidn’t

even know what kind of guidance.AndthenImetJohn…

John Sharkey coachedme for 6weeks. I was immediately engagedby John’s coaching. He wasstraightforward, articulate andexcellent at hearing what I wasREALLYsaying.

I broke into a mental sweatevery time I talked to John, as heeliminated the barriers that I hadcreatedinmylife.Iwaschallengedand empoweredafter every session.He also set me tasks to completebetween coaching sessions, and in

this way I was able to startimplementing everything I learntduring thesessions.Basically,JohninspiredmetotakeACTION.

John showed me how torecognise my own strengths, toconfirm my values and makechangesinmylifesothatitreflectsmy values. As a result of John’scoaching, I am able to articulatewhatIneedandusethetoolsthatIalready possessed to live the life Iwant.’

—Amanda,CorporateExecutive

I found him (John) to be a verypositiveandengagingpresenterandfacilitator,andwecouldeasilyhavecontinuedforlonger—thetimejustflew by. He encouraged lots ofopenness in the group, whichgenerated candid discussion. It leftmeinaverypositiveframeofmindwhen I left last night, and woulddefinitely attend if he were to giveanyfurthersessions.

— Workshop attendee, IrishAustralianChamberofCommerce

Mentoringprogram

Thank you on behalf of the RACVCity Club Senior Food andBeverage management team thatattended the 2-day Personal andProfessionaldevelopmentprogram.

I have received overwhelminglypositivefeedbackfromallattendees,bothfrontandbackofhouse.

Yourabilitytotailorthesessiontoour individualbusinessbasedona brief supplied was outstandingandcouldnothavebeenmoresuited

toourneeds.I would highly recommend your

services to any company, large orsmall, that can see the benefit ofinvesting time and effort into keystaff.Forme, a keyoutcomewouldbe positive outcomes for staff inbothworkandpersonallife.

Well done, and looking forwardtofurtherinvolvementwithyouandSonas.

— Executive Chef RACV CityClub

I was honoured to have John helpme on the thought-provokingjourney of life coaching. Mysessions brought to the forefront ofmy mind an array of issues that,dealt with on my own, were allconsuming. The nature in whichJohnworkedwithmewasdirect.

Thishelpedmeconfrontthecoreof many issues that had beendisguised by so many externalbeliefsIhadheldinmymind.Ithashelped me to ask more and morequestions,listentomyheart,andbetruetomyself.

The process has been bothchallengingandinspirational.

Iamsograteful toJohn forhiscontinued support, and endlesspatiencewithmealways.

— Hannah, Executive, MedicalSales

IhavefoundJohnSharkeytobeanextraordinarycoach!

I came to John when I was atcrossroadsinmylife;Iwasstartinga new career and I felt like

everything was overwhelming. Iwanted tomove forward, but at thesametimeIfeltstuck!

With John’s commitment,compassion, enthusiasm &professionalism, I have had resultsbeyondbelief!Ilovethewayheheldme accountable — I am confidentwith the choices I havemadeand Iseesomuchopportunityinlifenow!

I would strongly recommendJohn; the results for me have beenoutstanding!

Thankyou!

— Trina Business Owner,Newman,WesternAustralia

Iwould firstly like to thankyou forinvesting your time and effort tocomeoutandserveourstudents.

Asyouwerespeaking to them, Iwastakingit inmyself,andsensingthat you had begun talking to themonadeeperlevelabouttheirfuture,(andhowitstartsnow).

They hear from us about goalsetting, but when we have the real‘journey man’ talk to them and

share,it’sgotalotofpower.I enjoyed the ‘handexercise’—

it certainly adds to what we havebeen teaching them about ‘roadblocks’.

Greatly appreciated, and welook forward to continuingpartneringwithyoutodevelopgreatstudents.

—CollegeTradeCentreManager&VCALCoordinator

TheQuestToFreedom

JohnSharkey

First published by BusybirdPublishing2014Copyright©2014JohnSharkey

ISBN978-0-9925728-8-4(eBook)

JohnSharkeyhasassertedhis rightunder the Copyright, Designs andPatentsAct1988 tobe identifiedasthe author of this work. Theinformationinthisbookisbasedonthe author ’s experiences andopinions.Thepublisherspecificallydisclaims responsibility for any

adverse consequences, which mayresult from use of the informationcontainedherein.Whileeveryefforthas been made to verify theinformationinthisbook,theauthorand publisher assume noresponsibility for any errors,inaccuraciesoromissions.

All rights reserved.Nopart of thispublication may be reproduced,stored in or introduced into aretrieval system, or transmitted inany form, or by any means(electronic, mechanical,

photocopying, recording orotherwise)withoutthepriorwrittenpermission of the author. Anyperson who does any unauthorisedact in relation to this publicationmay be liable to criminalprosecution and civil claims fordamages.Enquiriesshouldbemadethroughthepublisher.

CoverimagebyRommelArtugueCoverdesignbyPixelStudioLayout and typesetting: ChameleonPrintDesign

National Library of AustraliaCataloguing-in-Publicationentry

Author:Sharkey,John,author.Title: Quest for freedom / JohnSharkey.ISBN:9780992357696(paperback)Subjects: Businesspeople—Conductoflife.Successinbusiness.Smallbusiness.DeweyNumber:650.1

Dedication

Everyknighthasafamilywaitingtoreturnhometoaftereachcrusade,andthisbookrepresentsoneoflife’s

crusades.Onmyquest,IcouldneverhaveachievedwhatIwantedtowithoutmyinnercircle,myroundtable.

Thisbookisdedicatedtomytwobeautifulchildren,Hugo

andMimZara,whoilluminatemylifeeverydayandarebeaconsofhope,loveand

possibilities.TomywifeKerry,whoismybiggestsupporterineverythingIdo.MoreandmoreIfeellikeaKing,becausesheistrulymyQueen.Finally,tomygrandmother,whotaught

meaboutlovingunconditionally—herlegacylivesonwithinme.Thankyou.

Contents

BeginningtheCrusade-TheSilverBox

Chapter1:SelfLeadership

Chapter2:HowToThink

Chapter3:TakingtheLeap

Chapter4:Fear

Chapter5:Stress

Chapter6:Education

Chapter7:InternalJourney

Chapter8:Transitioning

Chapter9:Family

Chapter10:Maintenance

Chapter11:TrueVulnerability

Chapter12:Mindset

BonusChapter:InterviewwithNatasaDenman

You’llneedafewsuppliesbefore

youstartyourQuesttoFreedom

Leaveyoursword,shield,andarmourbehind.

1. Anopenmind

2. Ahardcopynotebook

3. Aqualitypenorpencil

4. A willingness to travel intoyourmind

5. Connectionwithyourheart

6. Dothesuggestedexercises

“Holdyourground,holdyourground.SonsofGondor,of

Rohan,mybrothers.Iseeinyoureyesthesamefearthatwouldtaketheheartofme.Adaymaycomewhenthe

courageofmenfails,whenweforsakeourfriendsandbreakallbondsoffellowship,butitisnotthisday.Anhourof

wolvesandshatteredshields,whentheageofmencomes

crashingdown,butitisnotthisday.Thisdaywefight!ForallthatyouholddearonthisgoodEarth,Ibidyoustand,Menof

theWest!”

TheReturnoftheKing—Aragorn

BeginningtheCrusade

TheSilverBox

Whatisthemostimportantfirststepyou can take in achieving anabundant, fulfilling and inspiringlife,alifeyouhavealwaysdreamedof? Some may believe that theanswer lies ingettingapromotion,a better job with more pay, or along beach holiday. Somemay saythat education is the key. Althoughall of these things might assist increatingsomeshort-termhappiness,that happiness will be short-livedunlessyou truly start tounderstandwhoyou are,whatmakesyou tick,

andwhattrulyinspiresyou.

I want you to contemplate thatmodern society is conditioned toexpect instant gratification andresults, which is a consequence ofliving with so much technology.We’re led to believe things musthappen ‘now’, but any success orconquest realisedquicklywithonlymarginal effort is, by default,necessarily shallow. I now realisethat meaningful achievement takestime, hard work, consistency,patience, persistence, proper intent

andaconstantself-awareness.Evenwhenwearebeingvigilant,thepathto success is punctuated by failure,mistakes and mishaps; in fact, it’smandatory. It is also wet with thetears of emotional breakdown,because I elucidate that growth anddevelopment, and any personalreconstructionisart—it’sorganicart. Discovering one’s self, talentsand ambitions, and then learninghowtoexpress that in theworld, isacreativeprocessnottoberushed.Ioften say, ‘What is the rush?’.Pressure to succeed according to a

particular timeline comes fromoutside influences. If one’s goal ispersonal improvement, there is noneed for a schedule, there are nodeadlines.Your rate of progress isinfluenced by the intensity used toaddresstasks,trainingorlessonsinany area of our lives. Hard,intelligentworkspeedsusalongonour journey. However, irrationalobsession and compulsion maysteepen the trajectory, although thiscan lead to stress, burnout andillness thatareeverfrequent inoursociety.Intheend,theprocesstakes

as long as it takes, since I believeyoucan’t‘pushtheriver ’.

Whenthingsgowronginourlives,andeventually theydoforusall, itcanbringchallengingtimes.Wecaneither wish for life to be easier,simpler or better, or you can startyour self discovery and start toexplorewho you are in theworld,what your highest values are, andhowtounlockyourtruepurposeinlife.

The chances are, if you’ve picked

up this book, you may beexperiencing some setbacks onyour journey. Perhaps in yourcareer, your relationships, or yourlife — anywhere! Some of thembig, some of them small; and theycancome inmanydifferentguises.Thisbookisamixofpersonalandprofessional development, partspiritual journey, and part life-wisdomandpersonalinsights,allofwhichhavebeencollectedalongtheway on my own journey. As we’lldiscover, they’re all intellectuallyandintrinsicallylinked.

Beforeyougetintothebook,Iwantto share a belief thatwe all have aSilver Box inside of us. Containedwithin thisSilverBox is everythingyou need to be a far moreconnected, switched on and fullyfunctional human being. It’s all inthere. That’s not to say that you’renotalreadyafunctionalandcapablehuman, but if things aren’t thewaythat you dreamed it to be, thenyou’re yet to tap into your SilverBox. You want to thrive, not justsurvive,inthisfast-pacedworld.

Now there’s a problem with thisSilverBox, in that it’scoveredwithgunk and slime that accumulatesover our lives. When we wereyounger, we picked up our beliefsystems, and now as you createawareness around your beliefs,these limiting belief systems nolonger serve us as adults.Nevertheless, we wonder why webehavewithcertainchildishpatternsthat keep emerging. We keepmaking the same mistakes, timeafter time, andwewonderwhywecontinuallydo this.Perhaps it feels

like there is a dark magic that wecan’t see but we know is affectingourlives.

Aswe get older,we start to forgetwhowe are, what we are.We losesight of our authentic selves, untilone day something happens; asuddendeath,healthscareor,inmyinstance, job loss. Two jobretrenchmentsbacktoback—whilenot catastrophic — put in motionevents that I could never haveimagined, and it forced me to askquestions about what was really

goingon.Ittestedmyresilienceandrequiredme toquestion,Whatdo Ireallywantinmylife?

I now know that those two joblossesback tobackwereactuallyablessing in disguise, and I’m verygrateful for them. At the time, Iwasn’t quite sure, and I reverted toall those limitingbeliefs, to allmychildish patterns that I’d forgottenandwere locked away. Iwasmoreconcernedwithwho Iwanted to beinmyjobthanwhoIwantedtobeinmylife.

This force made me examine andtake inventory of my life. It’s mycredencethatnotenoughpeopledothis; indeed, I was well into mythirtiesbeforeIreallystartedtotakeacloser lookat thefinerdetail, theoutlook within my life. I thought Iwas aware and had a plan; really,nothingwasfurtherfromthetruth.

I’d really like to acknowledge youforpickingthisbookupandhavingthe courage and curiosity toexamine and look at your life, ornot, it’sachoice.Forthat is trulya

giftthatyou’regivingyourself,andas you read these words it’simportant to know that, whereveryou are in your life right now, donot, I repeat, do not give up onyourself. You matter, and you arehereforareason.

Yes, it can be easy to say, ‘Justembrace the uncertainty, to notworry about everything that youhaveinyourlife,andtojustgetonwith it’. I found that it’s somuch apartofWesternsociety’sthinkingtointerject and say, well ‘Suck it up

and get on with it’. I don’t alwaysthink that that’s the correct answer,becausewhatI’venoticedisthatthenext crisis comes along and thesame patterns keep emerging, anduntilyouget thelessonyou’llkeepgettingthesameexperiences.

Yousee,there’sonlyoneofyouonthisplanet,andtherewillonlyeverbeoneofyou.Soyouseewhyyoumatter. Your DNA, how you are,what you do, how you laugh, howyou smile. You’re unique — thatmakes you a very, very special

person.Youhaveuniquetalentsandgifts in your Silver Box that youmaynothavediscoveredyet.That’sexciting. Although I see thebrilliance in every human being Imeet, we often let life allow us toshy away and shut down ourmagnificence, almost as if webelievewe’renotgoodenough,andyet, this is the contrary. For me,what I’m starting to realise is thatwe don’t need to leave it until weexperience the sort of pain thatcomeswithacrises.

Listen

IwantyoutoimaginethattheSilverBoxImentionedatthebeginningisa feeling that’s not quite right. Wehave a sensation that something’sout of kilter or out of whack; youjustcan’tquiteputyourfingeronit.It’s a niggling feeling that keepsgnawingatyou;itcancometoyouatany time,andI’vefounda lotofpeople spend a lot of time in theirlives filling in this space with TV,withvariety suchasaddiction,withdrama; and until you can create

awareness and consciousnessaround it, it’s highly likely that itwill remain uncovered andundiscoveredforsometime.

Why wait another Week! Month!Year! Or, as the case with clientsI’veseen,theybecomesonumbandhide from themselves somuch thatthey’vegoneonfordecades,beingclosed off from themselves andothers.It’ssadthattheydon’tgettoeven explore their Silver Box, letaloneshareit.

TheTrueSelf

ThisSilverBox is the true self; it’syour higher self, your intuitivewisdomthat’stheretoguideyouonyour crusade, on your journeythrough life. Sometimes we stoplistening to it briefly because itscaresus.Wedon’tknowwhatitis.We’ve all heard amazing storiessuch as the mother lifting andflipping the car with untappedamazing strengthbecauseher childwas inside. Why is it that somepeople have survived disasters? I

believe because, deep down insideof them, they’ve tapped into theirSilverBox.When theyneeded it themost, it’s there— it’s always beenthere.

I’d like you to consider that yourSilver Box is there every day; Ibelieve we can tap into it at anytime.

MyTimeline

I grew up in a Catholic family inIreland during the 70s and the 80s,

and it was during the trials andtribulations of boyhood that I tookonmanyofmylimitingbeliefs.AsayoungmangrowingupinIreland,I remember saying to my fatherquite often, ‘Dad,what am I goingtodowithmy life?’Hewould say,‘Ijustwantyoutobehappy’.

Lookingback,whatInowrealiseisthat this was only half of theequation. Being happy is aboutlearning to be happy. It’s aboutknowingwhatmakesyouhappy;itsin the ‘doing’ of what makes you

happy that you ‘become happy’.That involvesan inner journey thatalotofpeopledon’twanttogoon.

Inmyteenageyearsandearly20s,Iwasverylost.Iwouldn’twantthoseyearsagain.I learneda lot in thoseyears, some hard lessons,particularly around life and loveandrespectandvalues.EventhoughI didn’t have the language tounderstandwhat itwas, I had greatvalues around family, creatingsafetyandsecurity,whichwasapartof the social fabric growing up in

Ireland.Ifyouhadagoodjob,youhad safety and security, and peoplerespectedyou.Itdidn’tmatteraboutthepersonorthejob;youcouldbea tyrant and have all sorts of stuffgoingon in thebackgroundbehindclosed doors, but people stillrespected you because ofwhat youdidasopposedtowhoyouwere.

My20swere justablur. Itwas justwork, career, gettingup the ladder,stepping over people, and eventhough I knew intuitively it wascausing me pain, I numbed myself

by drinking alcohol, partying andevenstarted smoking,which isoneofmy regrets.However, that’s partof the living and learning process.It’salmostlikeyoufailyourwaytosuccess…whatever thatmeans foryou!

In my late 20s, I started to say, ‘Ireally don’twant to do this for therest of my life’. So the questionbecame,What would I do? I knewthere was something else, but Ididn’t know what it was. I didn’tknow how to phrase it, how to

understand it or what it was, so Istartedreadingeveryself-helpbookI could find. The world made mequestion my existence; I becamecuriousas towho Iwasandwhat Iwanted.Asachefworkingin5starhotels around the world, I knew Iwantedtogointomanagement—Ithought if I could just get intomanagement then things would bebetter.

A little down the line in my 30s, Istarted to become adventurous. Istartedtolookatthingsdifferently;

I started to awaken and decided tostart re-educating myself. I lookedat all sorts of courses and I reallygotintomyhealth.Istartedrunningmarathons,andIbecameacertifiedpersonal trainer. I even becameCoxswain qualified,whichmeans Icould skipper a commercial vesseloff the coast of Australia. I was aseeker.

Now, in my early 40s, I start torealisethatmypastdoesnotdictatemy future. It is only continuousmoments of now that is what we

truly have. There is no past andthere is no future; it’s whowe are‘Being’inthepresentmoment.

TheCrusadersCalling

‘Enough!’IheardtheKingshouttotheKnight.Ihearditinmymindsoloudly it startledme. I remember itclearly; it cut through the fog andmistlikethesunraysatfirstlight—it was magical. I remember itvividly; it was the day when itcompletely changed, the day Istartedonmyownhero’sjourney.

Perhaps, like you, I had alwaysknown deep down that I wanted tohavemy own business; but what itwasgoingtolooklikeIwasn’tsure.IhadbeenavoidingmyownSilverBox for so long that the only waymyKingcouldgetmyattentionwasto causememore pain to spurmeinto action. That’s that gnawingfeeling I had. If I’m truthful, I hadthat gnawing feeling for many,many years. It was a familiarsensation — I can remember itstartedinmyteenageryears.

If someone had handed me thisbook on that fateful day, when IrealisedIcouldnotdoitanymore,Iwonder where I would be now? Iwas37;Ihadbeenanexecutivecheffor6yearsinveryexclusiveprivategolf club, one of the top three inAustralia. It was in many ways awonderful job; great salary — atleast I thought so — and I couldmanage my way aroundmanagement. But inside wasbecomingincreasinglyunhappyandI had a donut in my chest —something was missing. It didn’t

makesense;Ihadabeautifulhome,multiple investments — I had agoodlife!ButIjustknewtherehadto be more. I remember that daywhen I called my wife and said, Ican’t do this anymore. Whateverwas going on, the pain was toomuch. And that’s where my heroicjourney of self-discovery reallytookpace.

My wife said to me, ‘Just do whatyou’ve got to do’. What’sinterestingisthatIsuddenlybecamecalm, as if something took over,

andIknewinstinctivelythatthiswasthe right thing to do. My egoscreamed, ‘Youhavea threemonthold baby and a mortgage!’ It wasNovember 2007. I went tomanagement to hand over myresignation,much to their surprise.From the moment I resigned,opportunities came to me. Amanagement opportunity arose andI took it. I went from managingback-of-house to front-of-house,andthenallofasuddenIwasbeinggroomedforageneralmanagementposition in a resort, and still that

gnawing nagging feeling wouldn’tgoaway.

Thelate2008GFCcrasheventuallycaught up with us in Australia. Idiscovered coming back fromholidaysafterrunningamajorgolftournament that my position wasmade redundant. And so the firstrelativeknockcameand,asalways,the timing was lousy. I chalked itdowntoexperience.I’dseenthatthemore I embrace change anduncertainty,themoreIgrew;itwaslikebeingonthejetski.

Ifyou’reonajetskiandyoustarttoslowdown,itgetsabitwobblyandit becomesheavier, harder to steer,and I consider that a little like life.Mostpeoplewanttogoaroundandwant to stop the bumps, thewaves,trying tocontroleverything. Ifyoujust follow the instructions on howtoridea jetskiandaccelerate,youhave more fun, money, andconnections.

The people who accelerate aremore engaged in life and withwhat’s going on around them. The

moreyouputthethrottleonyourjetski,thefasteritgoes,andtheeasieryou bust through the waves; youspendtheyeargoing,Woohoo,thisisfantastic!Sothat’swhereIreallystartedtounderstandthatIneededtoembrace the fear and the change.Again, as if bymagic, onmywayhome after accepting myredundancy I got a call from anindustrycolleaguewhosaid, ‘I justgotyourfinalemailandwehappento have a position becomingavailable.We’dlovetoseeyounextweek;wecouldreallyusesomeone

with your skills in a few projectswe’ve got coming up’. I started anew position and a new chapter inmylife,andIbeganworkingintheeducationsystem.

Attraction

WhatInoticedwhenIwasworkingin the education sector (during aspecialised project in a largeCasino) is that people were drawntome.Wedidn’tdoawhole lotonthe educational stuff; instead, Ifoundmyselfaskingthemquestions

like, ‘What’sgoingon?’, ‘Whatdoyou really want to do?’, and theywantedtoknow‘HowdoIdowhatyou do — how do I get intomanagement?’ They were lookingforawayoutofsomethingthattheydidn’tevenknowwascausingthempain.Theywereme.

I thought there was something inthis,soIdecidedtoengageacoach.From that, I thought. How can Icombinebecomingacoachwithmytrainingandmymanagementskills?Understanding that was when my

hero’s journey started to take off.That’s why I decided to write thisbook;it’simportanttoknowthatitsall going tounfold in frontof youifyougetoutofyourwayandtrustyourself. If you’re out there incorporateoranyotherindustryandyou’re wondering if there’ssomething better than this, theanswerisyes!Butyoumuststartbyaskingyourselftherightquestions.

You’ve got to start with the end inmind; where are you going withthis? What is it you want to do?

Who do you want to be? What’syour legacy? What’s the footprintthat you want to leave behind?Whereareyougoing,andforwhatpurpose?

When you start asking yourselfthosequestions,you’llstart tohavebetter quality answers and a betterqualityofdialoguewithyourself.

Irememberreading‘AwakeningtheGiantWithin’byAnthonyRobbins,the godfather of personaldevelopment, who said it’s the

quality of the questions you askyourself that determine the qualityof your life. I don’t believe peopleareaskingenoughqualityquestions.

Thisisanexcitingtimeforyou—IknowbecauseI’vebeenthere.Iwantyou to know that there’s anotherway to move forward right now.There are more opportunities outthere than you can give yourselfcreditfor,andasyougrow,it’slikethe proverbial snowball comingdown the mountain. It just getsbiggerandfaster.

Iwant you to understand thatwhenyouunderstandyourselfyoustarttosee the world differently; you actdifferently. Different opportunitiescometoyou,opportunitiesthatyoucouldn’t even imagine how theywere orchestrated for you to startachievingwhatyouwanttoachievein your life. And that’s the bit thatexcites me for those people outthere who want to go on thisjourney, because there arechallenges and difficulties and it’sabout who you become and whoyou need to be when your back is

against the wall, which ultimatelydevelopsyourcharacter.

It’s about developing you as anindividual, and that can mean anyarea of your life, because we allhaveareasthatwewanttoimprove.Weallhaveareasthatwewanttobeable to move forward on, and Ibelieve that this isoneof them;so,welcome, Iwishyouevery successforyourCrusadeahead.

Chapter1

SelfLeadership:KnowThySelf

“Donotwaittostriketilltheironishot;butmakeit

hotbystriking.”

—WilliamButlerYeats(1865-1939)

When we look at the word‘Question’ ithas thewordQuest init,whichpresupposesthatweareallon a journey or a Quest of somesort.Asyou traverseyour journey,

you might start to ask yourselfsome questions— but not just anyordinary questions, powerfulquestions, questions that spur youon to higher lands and greaterdestiniesthanyoucouldeveryhavedreamtup.Iwouldgosofartosaythatthisistrulyanartformthatonemust begin to master in order todesign and developwhat theywantfortheirownlives.Thesizeofyourquestwillbedeterminedbythesizeof your questions, so if you askyourselftoday,‘What’sforlunch?’,then that’s the size of your quest.

However,ifyouaskyourself,‘HowcanImakeapositive impact inmylife, my community and even theworld stage?’, now you have abiggerquesttogoon.

Anotherwayoflookingatthisquestis that you are ‘undertaking’ aboutto begin something; the Frenchtranslation is ‘entreprendre’, and ifwelookcloserit’swherewegettheword ‘enterprise’ from. When wehave an enterprise we become the‘entrepreneur ’,soyouarethereforesomeonewhoisonanundertaking,

on a pathway with a purpose tocreate something; you are on aquest—yourquest.

Noteveryoneisreadytojourneyonhis or her Quest. Some peoplechoose to remain ‘at home’ withinthemselves,andthat’sokay,butyou— you are different. You havechosenadifferentpath,apaththatislessfrequented,whereyoutrulygettobuildyourcharacter,testyourselfandbecome thepersonyouchooseto be on your journey. You mustknow thatyounever arriveatyour

destination, it’s a mirage that youare chasing, and thatmirage existswithinyou. Itwillalwaysbeon thehorizon of your brilliance, sowelcome to your adventure. Takesupport from the fact that you arenot alone, forwe see and feel youeverydayasweflytheflagforyou,as you go on your own personalcrusadeinTheQuestforFreedom.

Aheroventuresforthfromtheworldofcommonday

intoaregionofsupernaturalwonder:

fabulousforcesarethereencounteredanda

decisivevictoryiswon:theherocomesbackfromthismysteriousadventurewiththepowertobestowboonsonhisfellowman.—JosephCampbell,TheHeroWithaThousand

Faces

MyMomentStartingOut

Iwasn’t quite surewhat itwas, butnow as I look back on it I realise

that it was to do with myrelationships and what was goingonaroundme.SteveJobssaysyoucan only join the dots lookingbackwards. My twenties weremostly aboutmy career andwhat Iwas doing, but I numbed myselfthrough alcohol and addictions; ithelped to suppress the pain, and itwas in my twenties that I startedsmoking.Thiswasn’t good formyhealth!

It’s important to realise that it cansometimes take years to come to a

place where you have enoughcourage to takea leap tocreate thelifethatyoutrulywant,Iappreciatenow that I wasn’t ready. The thingis, you might be in a job, or youmight be doing something in acareer, and you know that you’reonlyplayingasmallgameandyouknow that perhaps you’re onlyplaying it 60 or 70%. Perhapsyou’ve justgotcomfortable?Don’tthink for one minute that you’refoolinganyone;thoseclosesttoyouknow,andthesadpartisthatyou’relying to the one person who cares

about you the most — you knowwhothatit.

Theflipsideofallofthisisthatlifewill push you if you don’t push it.And it’s often at a time when youleast expect it. For example, howmanytimesonahotday,travellingdown the freeway, do you seebroken-downcarsonthesideoftheroad? They’ve blown a gasket orthe air conditioning is broken, orsomething’shappened.Thethingis,if you spoke to these people, I’mtipping that they knew there was

somethingthatneededtobefixedinthecar,buttheydidn’ttakeactiontorepair it. Then, when they leastexpected it, the car broke down.Perhaps on the way to a jobinterview,onthewaytotheairport,perhapsonthewaytoanimportantmeeting, and it would have costmorethangettingthecarfixed.

BeachBall

ThisiswhatImeanbywhathappensif life ends up pushing you. Icomparethistothebeachballinthe

swimming pool. The beach ball isthe problem or issue that’s beengoing on in your life for a longtime, which you’ve ignored. We’drathernotlookatit;wedomoretoavoid the pain than to have thepleasure,andweenduppushingthebeach ball down underneath thewater — but, eventually, at somestageit’sgoingtopopup.

Whetheritpopsupinthemiddleofthepool,orthebackofthepool, itdoesn’t matter; somewhere it’sgoing to pop up — usually at the

most inconvenient time, so start tolook at your beach ball as you goonyourjourney.

Resilience

I want to share what I’ve noticedworking with clients in thecorporate sector. Sooner or laterit’sgoingtohappen;everyonefallsor has a setback — it’s inevitableand it’s just a matter of time. Theopportunity here is to experiencegettingbackup.Weallgetbackup,but not everyone gets back up the

sameway.Somechoosetoseehowunfortunate they must be to havefallen,while others choose to lookforwhatopportunities layaheadofthem.Whichoneareyou?

You’regettingbackup!They’rethepeopleIliketohangaround.Infact,Iknowsomepeoplethathavefailedmanytimes.They’veactuallyfailedtheir way to success, because theykeptgettingbackup.They took thelesson and created a newexperience.

I wonder if some of the greatinventions of our lifetime wouldhavecometofruitionifpeoplelikeAlexander Bell hadn’t failed somany times,orwhataboutThomasEdison? It’s common knowledgethatittookhimover10,000timestoinvent the light bulb.He didn’t sayto himself that he failed 10,000times, he just learned 10,000 waysnot to do it, I love that distinction!You’ve often heard the expression,‘Getbackuponthehorse!’It’suptoyouhowyouchoosetoseeit.

Onethingiscertain;youwillknowwho you are and what lies withinyou when you choose to get backup. It develops your character. Itdevelops self-leadership. It’s whoyouareatyourcoreandnoonecantake it away from you; it’s yourpurestessence.It’swhenyoucantapintoyourSilverBox.

It was during a time when I wasdoingsomeintrospectionthatIwasfeeling stuck. I knew I had beenretrenched twice in a row andcouldn’t figure out why. I was a

good employee, I turned up ontime; Iwasdoingagood job.Thatwas when I started being trulyhonest with myself, and Iexperiencedasenseofrelief.

IknewonsomelevelIhadactuallyattracted it, if I reallywanted to betruthful with myself. I startedwonderingwhy somepeople had abetterexperienceinlife.Theywerehaving more fun, while othersseemed to be just going around incircles,trying—butnotsucceeding— to climb out of the pit they had

put themselves in.Looking back, itwas a dark time in my life.Eventually, I started my own self-leadership and developed mycharacter. I started to open mySilverBox,andsocanyou!

TheSource

Let’sstartwithsomethingcalledthesource.What if thebiggest illusionthatouregogivesus is thatwearethesourceofourideas, thatwearethesourceofourbrillianceandourowngenius,andthatwearetheone

that is making it all happen? Justthink about that one for a minute,it’sabigconcept.

Forexample,Icouldsharewithyouanideaforanewbusiness,butthenafter I’d have to kill you becausemyfearcouldbethatyouaregoingto tell everyone and I’d lose out.Not only is this a scarcitymindset,it’salsoamisconception.

Really,whatitdoesmeanisthatwemiss opportunities because we areholding onto a small part of

somethingthatismuchgreaterthanus, and that’s theconnection toourSilver Box. The irony is that therearesomanymorewonderfulthingsout there that we can be a part ofwhich are much bigger thanourselves. We might have anillusionthatwe’reunable togooutthere and really be the bestwe canbe, to be the best version ofourselves,ourtruepotential.

Unfortunately, some of us do thatand,aswearetryingtostartoutonourQuest,weholdback.Youmight

notice that therewill be small testsaswegetunderway; it’salmostasiftheuniverseistestingustoseeifwe are ready and willing toundertake this journey. It wasJoseph Campbell who said, ‘Wemust let go of the life we haveplanned,soastoaccepttheonethatis waiting for us’. He talks aboutthis in his classic works, ‘TheHero’sJourney’and‘TheHerowitha Thousand Faces’, where he alsodiscusses a concept called ‘Ward’.The ‘ward’ is used to protect or‘ward off’ dangers around us, and

manyofuscan’tordon’tknowhowto do that because we are notresilientenough.Wehaven’tgrownenough yet, andwe don’t have ourgroup or family around us, so wejust retreat back to the ‘source’again, the illusion, and what’sfamiliar to us. This is why peoplegive up so early on their quest. Iencourage you to hang in there—you will get what you want if youstick at it long enough. This iswhere I advocate that you find amentor, someone who has walkedbefore you, to help youmove past

the‘stuck’phaseofyourcrusade.

However, every now and again wecan do it and actually do make ithappen;weendupgettingtothetopofourmetaphoricalCastle.Weareup there and we’ve slayed thedragon,ourfears.Wefeeleuphoric,and from this vantagepointwegettoseewhatit’sallabout;westarttouncover who we are in our SilverBox.It’sfromthisviewthatweturnbacktooursourceagain.However,now it’s different; you see this iswherewe get to count—which is

likethescore;wegettoseeexactlyhowwe are doing— progressing,are we winning? From here thepositive questions start to come tofruition, and we continue on ourjourney and start to ask ‘Why’questions such as, ‘Why is thishappening?’, and this iswhere youreally start to build your musclearound your self-leadershipawareness.

ThePowerof‘RE’

Whenyouadd two letters “RE”we

create the word ‘re-source’, and ifyou are an entrepreneur thenchances are you are resourceful.Entrepreneursdon’tstopbysaying,‘I don’t have the resource to startwith’,theyaskthequestion,‘Wherecan I find the resource?’ Are youseeinghowthisworks?

So when we start to become theresource,wesuddenly realise thereis a limit of what we can get, butthere is no limit of what we cangive. From resource we don’trealise there is a ‘re-ward’, and I

want to share a little known secret,therewarddoesn’tcomeattheend,therewardcomesonthejourney—on, in, andduringyourQuest.Youmightwanttoreadthatagain.

The reward is very different fromthe‘re-turn’,whichiswhatweoftenhear financiers talking about,gettingareturnontheirmoney,andthere’snothingwrongwiththat.Butanentrepreneur ’s thinkingis,‘Iamgoing to have an infinite returnbecause I haven’t put any moneyinto my business and now I am

makingmoney out of it’, which islimited by how much they want. Ibelieve that business isn’t aboutreturn.Itisaboutthereward.So,theprinciple here is, you must givefirst in order to receive, to be ofservice.Thisword,reward,isabouthowyourewardothersforbeingonthejourney,thequestwithyou,andmore importantly how you arerewardingyourselfasyoucontinueon yourQuest. If you help enoughpeoplewiththeirproblemsontheirquest, your problems get fixedwhile doing this. I think that’s an

important principle not to bedismissed on your Quest.Somethingtothinkabout.

As you persist on your quest,especially if it’s a big one, you’llattractpeoplewhowilljoinyouforthejourney,andthemotivationtheyhave to work and be with you isgoing to come from the rewardsthat you provide and share witheach other, and its not alwaysmonetary— and then the ‘re-turn’comesasa‘re-sult’ofthegoodjobyouaredoing,andfinallyyou’llbe

able to ‘re-view’whereyouareonyour quest together, and of coursethatbringsusbacktothe‘re-count’.It is not about counting something,such as money, but more likecounting our blessings or re-counting the abilitywithin us to beabletotellourstorytotheworld,torevealourSilverBoxandtogoonaquestthatisworthyofyou.

DoitBeforeYouFeelit

ThismorningIdecidedtogoforarunalongthebeach.Thealarmwent

offataridiculouslyearlytime;myfirstinstinctis,‘Oh,it’ssowarminhere, I don’t reallywant to get outof my safe environment’. I thenrememberedamentorsayingtomeonce, ‘Sometimes, John, theshortestwaytosuccessistoactuallydosomethingbeforeyoufeelit’.

AssoonasI thoughtofthat,I leaptoutofbedandputmyrunninggearon; half-asleep, I started runningdown the street. And within 7minutes, I felt totally invigorated, Ifeltalive,Ifeltconnected.Ibeganto

notice an abundance of wildlifearoundme,runningalongthebeach— there always is. And I supposethat’swhy it’ssuchagreatplace tospendyourtime.

It’s interesting that when we hearabout leadershipwe hear that a lotof leaders are wise; they possessgreatinnerwisdomthatguidesthemand those around them. You mayknowsomeonelikethat,whoknowsthe right thing to say at the righttimethatresonatesatdeeplevel,andyoujustknowthatit’strue.Sowhat

doImeanexactlybywisdom?

TheauthorStevenHall inhisbookaboutWisdomtalksaboutthemanydefinitions of this word, and alsoaboutcommonelementsofwisdomwhenitcomestoleadership,mixingitwithhumility,patienceandaclearvision.

He elucidates that leaders haveemotional intelligence and they’rewilling to bounce back aftersetbacks. They have the ability tocopewithdifficultsituationsandan

almost dichotomised philosophicalview of the ambiguity and thelimitationsofknowledge.Whatthatmeans to me is that, as I grow,develop and learn, I realise howlittle I know, and like many bigbeliefs that people have, it’s alsobased on contradictions, becausewisdom is based upon knowledge,butpartofthephysicsofwisdomisshaped by the unknown. It’s shapedby theuncertaintyofourQuest,bytapping into our wisdom in ourSilver Box, and that’s why for me,getting up for the run was about

heeding that wisdom and takingactionbeforefeelingit.

In-action

Whiletakingactionisimportant,soisjudiciousinaction,knowingwhennot to do something. Thisunderstandingiscentraltowisdom,yet emotional detachment isindispensible and a wise act couldwork in one context and itmay besheer folly in another; no two actsof wisdom are the same — thesituationsmightbesimilarbut they

can’t be the same, which is why Ibelieve wisdom to be such animportant management facet whenworking with people. So when itcomes to understanding yourselfwith self-leadership, and knowingthyself, calibrate the situationsindividually for yourself— that isto say, it’s got to suit you and theresulthasgottobeaboutyou.

Nobody else was going to get theresults of that run. It didn’t matterthat other peoplewere doing otheractivitiesandexercises;goingfora

swimorworkingout in thegym. Ichose to do that run because thatwas the wise choice within me,frommySilverBox.

So now you’re starting tounderstand…

WhoAreYouHangingWith?

Once I started to examine mynegative thoughts, I also started tohave a look at my externalenvironment andmostlywho Iwashangingoutwith.

Trying to improve your lifethrough removing the obstacleswhich are preventing you fromdoingthethingsthatyouwanttododoes not make sense if you’rehangingaroundwithpeoplethatarestuck in the same place that you’retryingtomovefrom.

Thisonecouldbedifficultforalotof people, because some of us areinrelationshipsorwithfriends thatwe’veknownthemforalongtime,but they may not be interested insome of the goals you want to

aspire to. And you know, there’snothingwrongwiththat,andthere’snothing wrong with knowing thatyou’ve outgrown someone or anorganisation and that you’removingon,particularlyifbothhaveno interest in improvingthemselves.

As I started to choose myenvironmentbylookingaroundme,a natural attrition started to occur?People just ‘fell away’ again, likemagic, and on some level I wasactuallyokaywiththat,soifyousee

that happening, be okay with it —it’s feedback; you are moving onfrom people that are holding youback. You might even have greatweight lifted from youphysiologically.

Its important to observe that whenyoumove from specific aspects ofyour life that are preventing youfromdeveloping,newones start topopup.Theystarttopopupasifbymagic into your life, which willhelptoacceleratethespeedatwhichyou attain your goals, and

ultimatelythat’swhyyou’rereadingthisbook—becauseyouwantmorethanwhatyouhave.

It’s like being the receiver in theAFLfootball;youhavetheguysthatare defending you, runningeverywhereyougo,andpreventingyoufromcatchingtheball.

But after a few plays, you becomementally fitter and stronger andfaster, and you realise what youneedtodotogetpastthemandkicksomegoals.Thisisgrowth.

If you recognise that youmight beblaming external parties for nothaving the quality of life,relationshiporcareerthatyouthinkyoushouldhave,that’sgood,noticeyour thoughts right now, what areyou saying to yourself? Is there avoice of reason that might bewhispering something like “I don’tparticularly like going out 2-3nights a week partying, drinking,anymore,itstimeforachange”.Bynot doing this, you give away theresponsibilityforyourlife.Andjustsoyouknow,thegovernmentisnot

going to be looking after you. Ifyou take a look at the world rightnow, governments are crumblingand theydon’thaveanymoney leftinthecoffer ’sastheycontinuewiththe old out-dated models they’vebeen running. You only have tolook at what’s going on in Syria,Ireland,Greece,Spain,Americaandnumerous other places. While thismight sound like a gross oversimplification,IshareitbecauseallchangesstartedwiththeSelf.Ifyoudesire a different experience inyourlife,youmuststarttothinkand

lead yourself differently. It’s timefor you to change, because thingsarechangingaroundyou.

If yourworkplace is not providingyou with the exciting careeropportunities you want, and ifyou’reinajobthat’snotprovidingtravel, or it’s not providing theremuneration that you want, onlyyou can change that. Nobody elsecanchangeit!Ifyouthinkthatyourpartner is not showing you love,perhaps if you start showing yourpartner more love, you start to

receive more love. And if you’rethinking your friends don’t care,wellstartcaringaboutyourfriends,especially the new ones that youwant to be around — now you’retakingonresponsibility!

Stop thinking that it’syourparent’sfault forwhere you are in life. It’snot your parent’s fault — yourparentsweredoingthebestthattheycouldwiththetoolsthattheyhadatthe time; perhaps its time to put aforgiveness frame around them. Ifyou believe life is hard, that it’s

unfair, that’s okay. I prefer to havethe belief that my life is abundantand open and that’s a veryempowering way of living yourlife.DrDemartinistates,‘Behappyfor the blessings in the stressing’s’withinyourlife—theyaretheretoteachyousomething.

Is any of this is familiar?Are youstarting to see yourself in any ofthis story? Are you findingjustifications and excuses andplaying the victim? If so, you’regiving away your power by

outsourcingittopeoplearoundyou— stop it now! If you’re feelingstuckandfrustrated,you’restartingtounderstand thatyoucan’tchangethe external factors, only theinternal ones. In other words,you’re continually at ‘effect’ andnotat‘cause’inyourlife.Howwillyou know this? Because you’ll befeelinglousymostofthetime.

Cause&Effect

Sowhatdoyouwanttochoose?Doyouwanttochoosetobeatcausein

your life? I believe that you do. Ihearpeoplesaying,‘WhatifI’mnotdisciplined? What if I’m not likeyou?’Well,repetitionisthemotherof all skill, and it’s with thisconstant instilling that the habit isformed, so therefore success is ahabit, and it’s a ritual that you doeveryday. Success is a question ofself-belief; any achiever is whatthey are because they have been incontrol and they direct their innerlives and actions and they becomeexperts at what they do. Like amuscle, it needs to be disciplined

and exercised, so if you’ve got adisciplined internal environment,you’ll find that you grow evenmore—itsimplycan’tnothappen.

Thisiswhereitcomestogetherforyou;yourthoughtsarelikepouringwater onto the sand at the beach. Itwillgowheretheleastresistanceis,soyoumustshiftyourthoughtsforthem to grow. Creating the newhabits of thought and action andchanging your language withyourself will lead you towardsimproving yourself and reaching

your goals faster and with lesseffort required. Try doing that for21daysandnoticethedifferenceinyourthinking.

RejectionHurts

I remember a story about a friendwho had just lost his job. I under-stood exactly how he felt becauseI’vebeen there twice;heknewthis,which was why he came over assoonasithappened.

I thought it would never happen to

him because he had a goodgovernmentjob,andheprettymuchfound himself with no job veryquickly andhewasn’t prepared forit.

At the time, he had lots ofinterviews and he was having nooffers— boy, I knew exactly howhefeltagain!Andthefirst thinghesaid tomewas,What’swrongwithme?Whywon’t someoneoffermea job?Andhewas clearly dejectedabout the whole thing — I couldsensehisangerandfrustration.

Let’s pause here for a second: hewasn’t even conscious of thequestions hewas asking himself, itjust popped up from hisunconscious.But this is a perfectlygood example of a bad question,because the questions we askourselvesarereallypowerfultools;they can ignite hope and they canleadustowardsnewdiscoveriesandinsights about ourselves and howwe lead ourselves, and especiallyaboutourthinking.

By the same token, they can also

destroywhat it is that youwant orhopeforandtheycankeepusstuckinbadassumptionsandbadbeliefs.

The key is to be intentional and tochoose quality questions, ones thatstart with, ‘How can we turn thisaround?’, ‘What would someonewho has done this do?’, or ‘Whatwouldyouneed tobelieve tomakethis possible?’ Already you’ll feelmore energised and connect withyourself — very powerful andresourceful!

An example of unhelpful questionsthat seem to naturally come up intoughsituationswouldbe,‘Whydidthishappentome?’,‘WhatdidIdotodeservethis?’,or‘What’swrongwithme?’Thismayseemperfectlynatural,butassoonasyouaskthosequestions you must be aware thatourbrainstartstogotoworkanditstartstofindtheanswers.It’salmostautomatic, and the answers have awayofreinforcingtheassumptionsbehindthequestions.

So,forinstance,ifyouask,‘What’s

wrongwithme?’, you’re assumingthat there is somethingwrongwithyou! There’s nothing wrong withyou — you’re not broken, youdon’t need to be fixed — you’vejust asked a poor quality question,and then your mind immediatelybegins to start looking for thepossibleanswers;it’sthediminutiveofGoogleinourheads.

It comes up with assertions andanswers like: Maybe it’s becauseyouaretooold?Maybeit’sbecauseyou’re too young? Maybe it’s

because you’re not fit enough?Maybe you’re overqualified?Maybeyou’retooassertive?Maybeyou’re too relaxed and passive?Andonandon,untilyouneedaliedown.

Sowhateverthequestionthatyou’reasking, the answers reinforce theassumption and provide an excuseforwhatyou’renotgettingand theresults you want. At that stage, wethrowourhandsupintheair—it’sall too hard, we don’t takeresponsibility,andwefallinaheap!

Whew,exhausting.

Buthere’s the thing—what if youask yourself a different question?People with great self-leadershipskills ask themselves coolquestions.So,forexample,Isaidtomy friend, ‘What if you startedasking questions like, what couldyoudotomakemyinterviewmorememorable? What are 2-3 reallycoolthingsthatwouldmakeyouthebestpossiblecandidateforthisjob?

How can you follow upwithways

tomakeiteasierfortheperspectiveemployertosayyes?

What questions could you ask theemployerforthemtoseeandknowthatyouarethebestpersonforthisjob?And sure, youmight not haveall the skills, but you’ve got theright attitude and the rightpersonality. How could everythingyou’vebeenlearningonyourquest,studying and understanding aboutyour perceived liabilities, really bean asset in this situation?’ You canfeel and see that there would be

totallydifferentoutcomes.

Subsequently, you see that thesekinds of questions are really greatquestions.Theyempowerandcreatethe new possibilities. They lead toactionandtheywillproduceresults.Wherever you look in your life,you’re always getting results, andyou either like the results or youdon’t.

Let’sdiscussthelastquestion,asit’svery interesting: how could yourperceived liabilities really be an

asset in this situation?What Iwantyou to think about is, if you thinkyou’retooold,thatcouldinfactbea tremendousasset,because thereinliestheexperience,yourSilverBox.You’ve also learned from yourmistakes; you’ve made a lot ofmistakes. You’ve learned fromthem.

There’sactuallyavalueinthat,andas a result you have betterjudgement. Start to reframe yoursituations, because in everyproblem there is theopportunity to

growandlearn.Soifyouthinkyoudon’t have enough experience thatcould be a great asset too. You’renot lockedinthesameassumptionswhenyougoforthejob;it’seasierforyou to thinkoutside thebox, tobe creative, to bring your ownspecial brand and stamp and toapproach problems with a freshperspective.

So thewhole process goes back tothissimpleprinciple;ifyouwanttochange your results that you’regetting, you must change your

thinking in order to lead yourself.Everything, absolutely everything,starts in thisdominion.By theway,myfriendendedupgettingabetterjob, one that suited his personality,talents andvalues—but only afteraskingthosequalityquestions.

Exercise1

COOL QUESTIONS ON YOURQUEST

I’ll keep saying it; Anthony

Robbins, the godfather of personaldevelopment, said that it’s thequality of the questions that you’reasking yourself that determine thequalityofyour life.I’msayingthisto drive the point home, becausesuccessful people ask themselvesbetter quality questions, and as aresult they get better qualityanswers.

They have a powerful effectwhenever you’re listening to yourownfeelings.Soforexample:

Whenareyoutired?Whenareyouhungry?Whendoyoufindthatyouarethirsty?Whataretherhythmsofyour body? Are you a morningpersonoranightperson?

Your body is an entity, and it’salways giving you feedback. It’salways talking to you, so listen towhat it has to say! And you knowwhenyougetupinthemorningandyouneed to use thebathroom.Youknowwhen you’re feeling hot.Wetakethesesmallsimplenuancesforgranted, and yetwhen you become

more in tune with yourself, youunderstand yourself, grow anddevelop yourself to what it is thatyou’removingtowards.You’llstarttounderstandyourselfatafarmoredeeperandprofoundlevel.

Soaskyourselfthesequestions:

1. Is what I’m deciding onsupporting and encouragingme in moving forward? Inwhatever it is that you’redoing, stop, and pause. Thereare a couple of things here;

thisforcesyoutopullyourselfinto the present moment. Itforces you to be right hererightnowand itallowsyou tocontrol yourself and whateverthe situation is. You learn torespond as opposed to react;allgreatself-leadersdothis.

2. What would be mostinteresting thing to explore asapossibilityorway to changethe outcome that I desire? Ifyou’ve been trying to holdbackontheamountofalcohol

that you consume and you’reholding that glass of wine orthatbottleofbeerinyourhandand you say, Hmm, this isinteresting, is there anotherthing I can explore herewhenI’m having this? Will thismove me forward orbackward? Perhaps I’ll have asoftdrinkthistimearound.

3. Whatwill Ineed togiveup toachieve this? That’s reallyinterestingtopeoplebecausealotofpeopleareattunedtonot

want to give up anythingbecause they feel that there’salack of something they’re notgetting.

4. How will I know when I’vearrivedatwhatitisthatIwant?HowwillIknowwhenI’vegotit?Will it be themoney in thebank that you see? Will it bethe clothes that fit on youdifferently?Will itbe thatyoujustfeelfantasticandthatyourrelationships are sensational?So remember that your

relationships are a reflectionof your relationship withyourself.

5. Whatwill thisgiveme?Theseare just some fantasticquestions to ask yourself totake a few moments to reallygetaclearunderstanding.

Chapter2

HowToThink:ThinkFree

“Thinklikeawisemanbutcommunicateinthelanguageofthepeople”.

—WilliamButlerYeats(1865-1939)

Now that you’re starting tounderstand what it means to leadyourself and starting to learn tounderstand about helping yourselfto move forward, looking for the

success, lookingforthathappiness,looking for the tools that existwithinyoufromyour ‘Silverbox’,and Iwant you to consider that thebiggestproblemthatyouhaverightnow is, most likely, your thinking.Inthischapteryouaregoingtogetan insight as to how you arethinking. And perhaps anotherprobleminyourthinkingisthatyoubelieve that you shouldn’t haveproblems.

95% of this journey called life ishaving awareness; and remember

that life begins at the edge of theunknown—it’snot reallyas scaryas that sounds. Because of thispackage deal, life comes with theproblemsbuiltintoit.DrDemartini,in his book ‘The Values Factor ’,calls them the ‘valueofchallenge’,and he states, ‘Your ability toengage in this process of growthand transformation is exactly whatcreates worth for others and foryourself, allowing you to lead afulfilled and inspired life’. It’s inour thinking and howwe approachthese perceived issues that creates

theopportunitieswe’relookingfor.

You see, I believe life gives youthese issues, and as you movethrough those issues and youunpack them you’ll discover thelessons, and when you accumulateenoughof these, yougainwisdom.I’m starting to understand anotherword for wisdom is actually‘experience’.Therefore,I’msayingit’s theexperienceofknowinghowtothinkincertainsituations,andnotwhattothink.

TheJuicyLemon

To prove that you are actually incontrolofyourthoughts,Iwantyouto think about holding a lemon inyour hand. Right now, just look atyourlefthandasyouholdthebookin your right, and you can actuallysee a lemon. And it’s a nice, big,juicylemon.

You might even see the sticker orthelabelfromwhereit’sfrom,andyou takeasharpknifeand, inyourmind’seye,startcuttingthatlemon.

As you’re cutting the lemon withyour mind’s eye, I want you tonoticea fragrant freshsmellof thelemon. I want you to take a deepbreath and smell the lemon. I wantyoutonoticehowfreshandcleanitis,andasyou’restartingtoimaginethecitrusflavourofit,Iwantyoutonotice what’s going on in yourmouth.

Perhapsyou’re starting to salivate?This is what I mean by being incontrol of your thoughts. There isno lemon inyourhand, there isno

knife in your hand, but your mindhascreated that.Thisgoes to showthe power of your thinking. It’s avery powerful tool, and as youbegin to direct and organise it, itwilltakeyouwhereyouwanttogo.Become aware of your mostdominant thoughts — are they oflove, hate, anger, or peace andprosperity? Where your thoughtsgo,yourenergywillflow.

Start by making a consciousdecisionrightnowtotakepersonalresponsibilityforyourthoughts.It’s

a habit you can change, withpractice. Try it for 21 days to setyour ‘automatic’ positive thinkingandseewhathappens.

Above the Line and Below theLineThinking

Many people think that theirthoughts just turn up, that they justarrive, and they just pop into theirheads.Thethingis,we’rechoosingevery thought of everymoment ofevery day. I remember listening toLouiseHay,andshesaidthat‘We’re

onlyeverdealingwitha thought’.Ifound that to be very empowering,because all of a sudden I realisedthatperhapsIamchoosinga lotofthesenegative thoughts.Andwhat Istartedtorealiseisthatthemoreofthe negative thoughts I waschoosing, themorenegative thingsIwasattractinginmylife.Ibecameoverwhelmed, stressed, anxious,and worried, all because I wasactually choosing it. That was abiggie.

Taking total responsibility means

that you consciously haveemotional intelligence and arestarting to understand having theawareness. It’s about responding tocircumstances and events in yourlife.Whicheverwayyou lookat it,you’re responsible for yourself.You’re responsible for thedecisionsandtheactionsinthepast,the present and the future. In fact,the decisions youmade in the pastareexactlywhyyou’reheretoday.

Sowhenitcomestobelowthe line— we call it blaming — you’re

stuck, you’re reacting, there’suncertainty, you have a scarcitymindset, you’re feeling hopelessand lost. There’s fear, failure,you’re the victim, there’s excuses,there’s judgement problems, andprocrastination. You know thosepeople,andyouknowthosetimesinyour life when you were like that.Younoticethatwhenyoupointyourfinger at someone, there areactuallythreefingerspointingbackatyou.

Ittakesawhiletogetusedtohaving

alookatyourlife,butthisiswhereIseewithmyclientsthattheyreallystart to turn their life around andmoving in the direction to wheretheywanttogo.Topullonthemainsail,totightenthejib,thewindisattheir back and all of a suddenthey’reincontroloftheirdestinyatthe helm and moving where theywanttogo.

People who use above the linethinking are those peoplewho youwant to be around. They takeresponsibility and that brings

choice.Theyrespondasopposedtoreact, they have clarity, they havevision, they know where they’regoing,they’vegotamojohapping,they have an abundance mindset,there’s enough for everybody, theybring hope, they’re the ones withthe kind words that say you knowit’sgoingtobeokay,let’sjustkeepgoinghere.Theyprovidefeedback,there’s love, results, acceptance—finally,theyprovideasolution.

MoreCrucialThinking

Lets talk about the four levels ofthinking.Knowingthistrueconceptor learning this concept is howweget results in our lives. This wasmonumental to me in my owndevelopment and self-awareness; itkick-startedmeincreatingmyownlife how I wanted to create it. Irealisenowwhysometimes ImadeprogressandothertimesIwouldbestuck in the same positions formonthsandmonthsonend,andthenI’d be creating this state offrustration that would eventuallyleadtoanger.

It’s very important to understandthattheselevelsofthinkingapplytoallareasoflifeandthattheycanbeused to move you forward byasking yourself a simple question.And the question is,What level ofthinkingamIoperatingoutofrightnow?

Level 1: thinking is what I havenamedandthat’smastery.

Level 2: thinking is the stretch orlearningzone.

Level 3: thinking is the comfortzone.

Level4:thinkingisself-sabotage.

The quality of our lives isdeterminedby the amountofLevel1experiencesthatwecancollectorhave.That’swhyInameditmastery.

What’sanexampleofLevel1?

Level1thinkingwouldbesomeonethat enjoys running (or somethingelsethattheyreallylike)anddoesitregularly and consistently over

time.So,forthisperson,gettingupand performing that task is a joy.They enjoy doing it and they get ahuge amount of satisfaction andeven a rush from the activity.Evenif it’s raining outside or it’s coldanddark,youcanseethemjogging,even at half past five in themorning.Doyouwonderhowtheycanbebotheredexercising in theseconditions? This individual can’timaginetheirlifewithoutgoingfora run at least 5 days a week orgoing to the gym or doingsomething active. It’s becomes a

habit,anditneverfeelslikethey’reforcingthemselvestodosomethingthey don’t like. Level 1 thinking isdoing what feels good; it’s alsogood for you, it’s good for othersand it’s good for thegreater good.So there’s, what I call ecology inthat.

It’s a level where you’re near-mastery and you’re performingtasks at an unconscious level. Noone ever really truly reachesmastery,sincethereisalwaysmoreyou can learn about something.

Perhapsthisrunnerhasn’tmanagedtoruna100kmsupermarathonyet.That would be a new level ofmasterythatheorshecanaspireto.Becauseit’salways,what’snext?

Level2

Wheneverwe’researchingfornewresults in life, this is the level weneed to be operating out of. Theonlyway tomastery is viaLevel 1thinking, which is doing whatdoesn’tfeelgoodbecauseit’sgoodforyou,it’sgoodforothersandit’s

good for the greater good. This iswhere,forme,Iliketospendmoretime.

Now, I know a lot of people havethe fearof standingupand talking.Well,that’ssomethingyoudowhenyougo to anetworkingevents likeBNIinAustralia,whereyouhavetostand up for one minute and talkabout who you are, what you do,your business and who your idealclientis.

Thatcouldbea‘stretch’,andit’sthe

learningandthestretchingthat’snotmeanttobecomfortable.It’sonlyatthepointofconfusionthatyou’reatthecuspoflearningsomethingnew.Anotherexample is theprospectoflosing weight and becoming anewer, healthier, fitter version ofyourself. You need to accept thethings that are going to feeluncomfortable for a while. You’vegottobecoolwiththat.

Having the awareness and theknowledge that this is the path thatyouneedtofollowandpersistwith

willultimatelygetyou to theLevel1thinkingwhereyouendupfindingyournewlifestylesimple,easyandlotsoffun.There’snoneedtojumpintomassive action in every aspectof making a change to yourlifestyle.

Break it down into differentsections where you can focus ononethingatatimeoveraperiodoftime, until it becomes easy. Thenyou add on another and another.Otherwise, if we have too manythingsgoingon,wetendtogointo

‘overwhelm’ — there’s more onthis condition and how we canremedy it later. Let’s take anexample: if you’ve been a personwho’s never eaten breakfast, startoffwith having a healthy breakfastevery single day until such a timethat you can’t even imagine a daywithout it. I rememberwhen I firststarted running, I only startedrunning for 1 km, and then 2km. Iremember I ran 3 km for sixmonthsandthenIstartedtoplateau,andIwasfindingthatIwasdoingitinsidehalfanhour.ThenIstartedto

challenge myself to Level 1thinking; Iaskedmyself, ‘What if Icould start doing this inside 25minutes?’ Then I asked, ‘What if Icoulddoitin18minutes?’Ibecamefaster and I could go longer.Eventually, I was doing 10 km inone hour, then fifty minutes, untilfinally I was able to run my besttimeinsideofjust40minutes.

If we look at the above habit, itrarelyexistsamongstoverweightorobesepeople.Thegreatthingaboutmaking thisapartofyour lifestyle

—andnot just improvingyourself— is that by thinking thisway, notonly will you be organised, you’llbe getting fit, you’ll be feelingbetter, you’ll be thinking sharperand you’ll definitely start to savemoney by reorganising your foodand eating differently. This thenbecomes the law of unintendedconsequences. What could you dothen with that extra spare cash inyour business and in your life?What could you invest in? Thebottomlineisthatittakesactionandpersistence tomake change until it

feelsgood.Buttheyareallgoingtofeelgood in the long run; theonlywayoutofa rut is tostart thinkingatLevel2.

Level3

Mostofour life is spent righthereat Level 3.Doingwhat feels good,butit’snotgoodforothers.It’snotgood for us and it’s not good forthegreatergood.Thiscomfortzoneis a very bad place to live. Peopleget stuck here and wonder whythey’renotmovingforwardintheir

life.Thiscouldbetheirwork,theirhealth, their relationships, theircareer.

Whatdoesthismeaninweightlossterms?Well,basically,youcontinuedoing what you’re doing becauseit’s familiar and comfortable. Youcontinue getting what you’regetting.Apersonstuckataheavierweight with huge health risks thatmayresultinashorterlife.

Level3thinkingholdsyoubackandholdsyouinastuckpattern.Thisis

where your ego lives, or ‘theminime’. It lives here and it speaks toyouinwaystokeepyouawayfromharm. Its job is to protect you, butit’s not really doing that — it’sactuallyholdingyouback.Nowthismay have been useful in thecaveman days when we wererunning form sabre-toothed tigers,buttodaywemustkeeplearningandimproving ourselves to achievehigh-quality lives where we feelhappyinallareas.

Level4

Whenthingsstarttogetoutofhand,it’s usually a sign that we’respending a lot of time at Level 4thinking. Doing what doesn’t feelgood.It’snotgoodforyou,it’snotgood for others, and it’s not goodfor thegreatergood.This iswhereself-sabotage is very destructive.Instead of having the one piece ofchocolate, you eat four bars ofchocolate until you can’t have anymore and you’re ready to throw itup,whichisbadforyourwellbeing.Procrastination is also at this level.Most of the time people are aware

that they’re procrastinating and itdoesn’tfeelgoodnorisitgoodforthem.

Level4isascaryplacetobe;oftenpeople are stuck there and arecrying out for help. They feel asenseofdespairintheirlives.

Many people don’t have anunderstanding ofwhat it is to havethefourlevelsofthinking.Youcannowstart to tackle this inyour life.On your journey start to askyourself,WhatlevelamIoperating

on?

Mahatma Ghandi said, ‘Learn likeyou’re going to live forever ’.Becomingandstayingproficient inyour career and life and takingresponsibilityrequiresyoutomovethrough your levels of thinking,because each time you persistthrough an unfamiliar anduncomfortablehabit,youwillreacha point where the activity becomeseasy to do and feels good at thesame time. This is where a lot ofpeoplegowrongwhen it comes to

self-education and thinking forthemselves. They practice Level 2thinkingforawhileoruntilsuchatime that they master a few skills.However, as each fork in the roadapproaches, you must make adecision to continue, or actuallyrevert back into the old habits.Ultimately, it’s a choice! Theseingrained habits, which are verymuch about the comfort zone ofLevel 3 and the self-sabotage ofLevel4.

You’ve often heard the expression

that ‘knowledge ispower ’. I preferto think that it’s the ‘application ofthat knowledge that gives you thatpower ’. Having the understandingandtheawarenessthatthisiswhatishappeningwillhelpyouincatchingyourself in moments of weakness.It’s okay, because you can alwaysreverse the process and startclimbing up and through the stepsofLevels1and2,justbychangingyour action and, most of all,changingyourthinking.

It’snever too late tobearmedwith

these skills that will help youachieve what it is that you want toachieve in your career, life andyourrelationshipsalotfaster.

Exercise2

What I’d like you to do is towritedown three Level 2 activities thatyouwould like to incorporate intoyourlife.Followthroughwiththemfor 21 days. It’s not meant to feelgood, however, you’ll start seeingthe change when you set yourself

thesetasksandfollowthroughwithcommitment to reach thenew levelofthinkingyoudesire.

Chapter3

TakingtheLeap:YourJumptoFreedom

“Whenyoudothecommonthingsinlifeinanuncommonway,you

willcommandtheattentionoftheworld.”

—GeorgeWashingtonCarver(1864-1943)

What I find interesting aboutcoaching people — particularly inthe corporate sector — who

outwardly have a great job, greatcar and great remuneration is that,inwardly, they’re actually terrifiedof leaving their job. They’reterrified about pursuing theirdreams because they believe theyhavetogiveupsomuch.However,intwentyyearstimeyou’llbemoredisappointed in the things youhaven’t done than the things youhavedone.

Iwanttonotethatmythoughtsdon’tamount to a single argument eithertoquityourjobortostayinit,but

there are some things to ponder ifyou decide to make that decision,andIseethisforclients.Theygettothestagewherethey’resaying,‘I’mnot really happy in this job and Ireally want to do something formyself’.

Inthischapter,we’regoingtohavea look at reasonswhy youmay ormaynotdecidetoquityourjob.Forme,whenIstartedonmyjourney,IrememberthemomentIwassittingatmydeskandIcouldn’thandletheinternalpainanymore.Idecidedthat

Iwantedtoleave.Thetimingwasn’tgreat; we had just finishedrenovating our house with anincreased mortgage, my son wasthree months old, my wife was onmaternity leave at the time, and allmyfamilywereabout toarriveforChristmasfromIrelandandtheUS.Itprobablywasn’tanidealtime,butwhat I realise now is that there isnever an ideal time.And forme, itwas the start of where everythingbegan to change in my life. Now,that’sover5yearsago,andlookingback itwas theperfect time to take

the perfect leap of faith becausewhattranspiredcouldnothavebeenpredicted. Eventually, we all cometo a fork in the road, and you’llhave to go one way or the other.Eitherway,makeachoiceanddon’tlookback.

Signs

If you findyourself right now in ajoborcareerwastingtime,wishingand hoping you were somewhereelseorconstantlycheckingthetime,clock watching, then you want to

remember that your most valuablegift is time. It’s not money orpossessionsthataretrulyimportant,as they are replaceable. You cannevergettimeback.Youcanbuildahouse and you can go and earnmoney but you can never get thetimeback.

Anotherbenefitintakingtheleapisthat you really learn to understandyourselfbetter.Youcanalsostarttoavoid burnout and stress, as I willdiscussinchapter5.Youmighthavestarted to notice deep down that

you’ve got a gnawing feeling; thisis something you might want tohave a look at. This is your SilverBoxthat’sstartingtoopenup,andasyoustart to listen to ityouwillgetthebenefitofyourwisdombackbymaking decisions and choices foryourself.

If you speak to anyone who’s in ajob that they don’t enjoy or love,they’reinaworldofpain!They’vestopped listening to themselves.They live for the weekend. And tome that’s very sad because that’s

livingalifeofmediocrity.

Perhaps you could start by askingyourself, ‘What’s my mission andvisioninlife?’,and‘WhatdoIwantto share with the world?’ Mymission is to help as many peopleon their journey and crusade, toassist them in understandingthemselves,whotheyare,whattheywant,andwherethey’regoing.Thisfillsmewithdriveandpassion,andI’ve become inspired to serve myclients every single day when I sitdownwith them.Forme, it’s about

assisting them to getwhat it is thattheywant.

Often I hear them say, ‘What if Idon’t make any money in what Iwant todo?’Well, sometimes therecomes a time to take the leap!Andyou know what? It’s not foreveryone; it’s not something thatyoushouldrushinto.It’sadecisionthatshouldnotbetakenlightly.

Earlyon,it’sentirelypossibletodothiswhileyoustillhavethejob,butsometimes you come to a point

where you’re just too comfortableandit’sagoodlife!ButIwonder…What is it going to take foryou tocreate an awesome life? Anamazing life! You need to putyourself in an uncomfortableposition tomakeyourself fight foryour dreams. So the question isthen,Whatareyoupreparedtofightfor?

Goonthatinternaljourney—it’sagood thing. And while I wouldadvocate listening to the fear, asfearcansometimesbebeneficial,as

it keeps us alive. It’s often aprecursor to doing somethingsignificant in your life — anothergood thing! Sometimes you justneed to jump and put yourself in aplace where you’ve got no otheroptionbuttoworkyourbuttoffandmake the dream come true. Andthat’sexactlywhatIdid.

SearchingforCertainty

When I started running marathonsandgoing throughmyowngrowthphase, I didn’t always enjoy the

process, but I certainly enjoyed theresults.ThereweresomeveryearlymorningswhereIdidn’twanttogetoutofbed,thealarmwouldgooff,and Iwould say tomyself, ‘Just another half hour ’ or, ‘I’ll gotomorrow’, and this resulted innotgoingforarunsomemornings.

So thequestionbecame, ‘Howdo Ileveragemyselftogetoutofbed?’

IrealisedthatIneededtochangemythinking;Ineededtostartimaginingwhatitwouldfeellikeaftermyrun

and after I’d done the work. HowmuchmoreenergywouldIhaveforthe day? As soon as I startedchanging my early morningthoughts, I instantly felt inspired tojump out of bed and get moving!And once I started to do thisconsistently, I started to create mycertainty.

Somanypeoplegoaroundlookingfor certainty in their lives,when inreality certainty doesn’t exist.People do this resourcefully andunresourcefully.Anexampleofthis

is peoplewho are inflexiblewithinthe workplace when it comes tochange. Often when people areinflexible and resist change, theyare confronted with conflict withcolleagues. It’s only when I helpthem to understand why they do itthat the light bulbs comeon, and itallows them to embrace theuncertainty and changewithout anyloss of perceived status or income.Most people are doing this toprotect something that they believetheywilllose.

Organisationsarepeople.I’vedonesomeworkshopsrecentlyinalargenationalorganisation,andIfounditinteresting that they were scepticalthat there was any link betweenemotional intelligence and thebottom line. The individuals thatmakeup theorganisation,who liveand breathe their work, can alsobecome disinterested in their role,andthiscancreateuncertaintyinanunresourceful manner. The veryexistence of the organisation is inplace because of the goals and thefunctional operation,which depend

onthewaythepeoplethinkandfeelabout themselves. Therefore, Ibelievethereisadirectlinkbetweenpeople’s positive emotions and thebottom line of any business.Whenpeople are happy and valued,business thrives and wealth iscreated; this creates certaintyresourcefully. As simple as thissounds, you’d be surprised at theresistance that some organisationsand people have towards thisconcept.

Having had experience working in

largeandsmallorganisations,bothexperiences have been good andbad. I prefer to view it as‘differences’ for the individual andwhat theyvalueat that time in theirlifeorcareer.Forexample,smallerorganisations tend to be familyfriendly,whichisgreat ifyouhaveafamily.Thenatureandtheculturetendtobeveryrelaxed.You’relessof a number and there are fewerlevelstogettouppermanagement.

On the downside, they tend to beless funded in certain areas, and

roomforambitiouspeopletogrowcan quite often be stifled. Theupside is that large organisationscanhavethefundingtotakeonnewprojects, and to grow their people.The downside of this is there aremanylevelsofmanagement,andthepolitical weaving that you gothrough this can be frustrating forsomepeople—somepeopledon’twanttoplaythepoliticalgames.

The level of uncertainty in a largeorganisation is better disguised, asthere is a belief that there is safety

innumbers.It’sabitlikethezebrascrossing the African Savannah andthenhavingtowadethroughariverfilled with crocodiles. If you stayclose enough to the centre, youshould have a better chance ofsurvival.Thelessfortunateonesontheoutsidetendtoperish.

Of course, there’s a mentality that‘it will never happen to me’. It’stime to rethink that one! Givenwhat’sgoingonin theworld, thereare massive changes sweepingthroughorganisations.That’swhyI

believe it’s important forpeople tostartlookingatthemselvesandwhatthey can do in their career toreinvent themselves and their jobprospectsinbusiness.

People that don’t are at risk ofbeing retrenched. Of course, it’snever personal! Yet somehow, italwaysendsupthatway,andthereinlays the oxymoron. When I lookbackatmyownexperiencesofbeenretrenched, they actually did me afavour.It’sonlywithhindsightthatIcan see I was not in tune with my

surroundings, or my workenvironment; suffice to say, I wasnotintunewithmyself.

Inanattempttoreshapemythinkingand grow emotional intelligence,I’ve gone on a serious tour ofmyinnerworldanduncoveredinsights,especially my Silver Box.Metaphoricallyspeaking,thisismyonly certainty. Wow, what an eyeopenerthatwas.

Recently, I came to the conclusionthat certainty can only exist within

the self and the internalenvironment, as opposed to theexternal environment, which youcan’t control anyway. The oldsayingisthatthere’s‘Nosuchthingas anything external to us; it’s all-internal’. Sigmund Freud said that‘You cannot see anything that doesnot already exist within you’. Forexample,ifyoubelievesomeoneiscourageous, that means courageresideswithinyou,perhapsinyourSilverBox.

Ifwetakeexamplesfromnature,the

grass doesn’t grow one blade at atime, the tree doesn’t grow onebranch at a time. In nature, thingsgrowallatonce.Humanbeingsareexactly the same. We continuouslygrow. It is a choice to step into thechaos of uncertainty, and toembrace the uncertainty. Thegrowthisintheuncertaintyandlifebeginsat theedgeofyourcomfortzone.

Naysayers

So please, don’t hold back!

Remember as you’re growing anddeveloping, you’re going to attractwhatIcallthenaysayers.Thesearethe people who are actually, onsome level, jealousofyoumovingforward in life.What Iwantyou toknowis that this isasignpost.Thisisapositive thing,andagreatwayof getting feedback from theexternal environment that you areindeed changing and movingforward.So, asmuchasyoucouldbe uncomfortable, stick with thechangethatishappening.

I want to share with you a storyabout NASA. When they werebuildingtheShuttleforexploration,theydiscoveredthatmostofthefuelisburnedatthepointoftake-off.Infact,over60%ofitisburnedoffingetting enough thrust to lift theshuttleofftheground.Onceitstartstravelling up and gainingmomentum, it reaches the outeratmosphere and gravity takes over,andlessfuelisexpended.Thesameconcept applies when setting upyour business, career, growing orchanging relationships. You’re

going to expend a lot of energy atthe beginning! Actually, we have aname in Australia for people whowe call the naysayers.We call thisthe ‘Tall Poppy Syndrome’. Tocombat this, I want you to startdoingsomethingoppositewhenyousee this occurring: I want you tostart championing these people —seewhathappens.Becausewhenwechampion people, we also becomechampioned.Thismakesforaveryexciting prospect, as you attractlike-mindedpeopleonyourquest.

BoundariesforNaysayers

Get clear on boundaries for theNaysayers. These are some waysfor maintaining boundaries whenyou are challenged. This willimproverelationshipsandboostthefeeling of being an honest andstraightforward speaker. Manypeople, for various reasons, don’trespect other people’s boundaries,andthey’dratherpullthemdown.

Don’t assume the worst rightaway!Givethemthebenefitof

the doubt. Maybe they’ve hadan off day. Maybe somethinghasn’t gone well for them.Perhaps they don’t mean tocome off as offensive,aggressive or disrespectful. Ifthey persist after you havepolitelyandcalmlygiventhemthe hint to back off, then youneed to be more assertive orleavethesituation.

It’s important to stand up foryourself.Howyou respond—asopposed to reacting— toa

person through your bodylanguage, tone of voice, andfacialexpressionscandefuseasituation and get your pointacross without confrontation.Over 60% of ourcommunication is non-verbaland is through our body.You’re always sendingmessages,evenwhenyouthinkyou’renot.Whatwesendoutiswhat we get back. So, if yourinternal world is angry, that’sexactly what’s going to comeback.However,ifwestaycalm

andfirm,mostpeoplewillstaycalmand firmaswell, even iftheydon’tlikethefactthatyouarestandingyourground.

Deliver your message anddon’t take responsibility forhow others feel about it.Sometimes, friendsandfamilycanstepoverourboundary.It’simportant to let them knowwhen they have. Always givefamily and friends the benefitof the doubt. If the personbecomes defensive or

continuestoreactinadramaticor emotional matter, do notassume responsibility for that.Everybody is responsible forhis or her own actions.Everyone is free to choosehow they react or interpretwhat you say. Nothing hasmeaning except for themeaning we give it. That’s animportantdistinction.

Use “I” rather than “we”statements. When you start asentence with “we” or “you”,

you’re speaking for someoneelse. You’re using the pluraltext in your language. Youmight not even be aware ofthis.Using “I” sentences ownswhat you say, as you’respeaking for yourself. If youwant to have a less defensiveresponse with clarity andpurpose, start your sentenceswith “I”. It shows you respectyourself. People who areleaders have opinions becausethey’re not afraid of beingwrong. They don’t quietly sit

backandwonderwhatitisthatthey should be saying. Theystand up, have an opinion anddon’t live in fear of whatcomesafterwards.

Your boundaries must bespecific and clear to beeffective. The clearer you areabout your boundaries, thebetter your chances are ofbeing respected. It helps whenyou’re clarifying and statingthe boundary, startingwith “I”statements again. They are

specific to you and cannot bemistaken. “I” said this, “I” didthat. This shows feelingsaround your boundaries, andyou will have a strong andclearmessage.Forexample,‘Iwillnottolerateyoubeinglateanymore, because theconsequence makes me latealso’.Ifyousaid“I”wishtobemore punctual, it’s too vagueand you will not clearly bestatingyourboundaryandwhatitisyouwanttocommunicate.

Be willing to compromiseboundary discussions. Thishelpswhen it’s not a clear-cutboundary crossing. You canstate a boundary conditionallyand still allow the person toclarify or explain their wordsor actions. For example, ‘I’llgo with you for dinner, but Icannot stay past 11 pm. I haveto be up early tomorrow‘.You’re meeting the personhalfway and holding to yourboundary with a specifictimeframe. It’s a win-win

situationallround.

Ifyou’renotgettinganywhere,bewilling to change the topicor just move on. Sometimes,even trying several things tocommunicate your boundariesandhowyou’refeelingdoesn’talwayswork. If that’s thecase,and you don’t want to orcannot leave the situation, it’shelpful to allow for theflexibility of changing thetopic.Oneway todo this is todiscuss your first topic and

expresshowfrustratedyouarefeeling in trying to resolvethings.Thiskindofthinggoesfrom focussing on youroriginal problem to theprocessprobleminthecurrenttalk. Some appropriatestatements might be, ‘We’regoing in circles here, so whydon’t we just agree todisagree?’ Or, ‘I don’t knowaboutyou,butI’mtiredofthisdiscussionandI reallywant toendit’.Or,‘Maybewecantalkabout it another time?’ Only

use this when it becomesobviousthatthere’snothingbuta lose-lose situation; it’susuallybesttogiveupandsaveyourenergyandtime.

This is called the powertechnique, and is used ifsomebody’s stepping intoyou’re space yelling or beingabusive. Repeat to them, inshort phrases, ‘I do not likehaving people shout at me’.Each time the behaviour isrepeated, say, ‘I do not like

people shouting at me’. Mosttimes,oncethepersonrealisesthat they’re not getting aresponse — other than yourepeating that you do not likewhat they’re doing — they’llcalm down. If not, it’s best toleave the situation, if possible,bygoing toanother room. Orleave the location until theother person calms down.Always resist the urge to yellback, making it personal. Youwill only add fuel to the fire.One of my favourites in a

situation like this is ‘bringingthefog’.

Bringing the fog is anassertivenesstechniquethathasbeen taught for many years.Basically, it’s used when youareinatouchysituationwithastubborn or agitated personand you want to state yourposition and boundarywithoutgettingintoadebateorafight.The basicway to do this is toacknowledge the otherperson’s statement or position

without agreeing ordisagreeing with them. It’s anambiguousresponsefromyou— in actual fact, it confusesthem, hence the name‘fogging’.Itoftenpreventsanyformofconfrontation.It’slikesaying yes and no. Forexample,ifsomeoneyouworkwith is telling you that theyknowtherightwaytodowhatyou’re doing, you can reply,‘Maybe you feel that it’s thebest way Bob, however, I feelfinedoingitthewaythatworks

for me’. This usually defusesthe situation. They may betryingtomakeyouwrong,butyou don’t respond by makingthem wrong, which oftencauses a fight and isunnecessaryinthefirstplace.

Havesomecompassionasyoustand up for yourself. Peoplewhoarebulliesorknow-it-allsenjoytryingtoinvadepeople’sspace, and are usually veryinsecure people. They neverget much honest or direct

feedback from others becausethey scare people away. Theyintimidate or punish them bymoresubtlemeans.Becauseofthis, these people never learnthat what they are doing iswrong. Quite often, it’ssomething stemming fromtheirchildhood,whichtheyarenot even aware of it. Havekindness and compassion, asthey will serve you well withtheseNaysayers.

Exercise3

Identify three areas in your lifewhere you need to set yourboundaries. Then identify threeactions you can take tomake yourboundaries clear to others withoutoffendingthem.

Chapter4

Fear:EliminatingFear

“Successusuallycomestothosewhoaretoobusyto

belookingforit.”

—HenryDavidThoreau(1817-1862)

Let’s have a look at what fear is.MichaelPritchardquoted,‘Fearisalittledarkroomwherenegativesaredeveloped’. Do you think thecrusaders, as they left their homes

and lands, were afraid? I believetheywere,astheywouldhavehadafear of the unknown; that’s asrelevant today as it was centuriesago. The question on their mindswould have been, Will they comebackfromtheCrusadeandseetheirfamiliesagain?

What do we mean by fear? Whatdoes it mean to be afraid — is itreallythatimportantasanemotion?Yes!Becauseit’stheretoprotectus,and does a really good job of that— inmany cases, too good a job,

andthat’swhatI’dliketoexploreinthischapter.

The word ‘fear ’ actually comesfromtheOldEnglishrootofFEORor FEORE, meaning ‘danger ’,‘coming suddenly upon’. It’sinterestingthattherootofthewordsuggest that there’s danger thatwe’re not prepared for as it’scoming towards us; if we’reprepared, wemay not actually feelafraid of it, which is why it’simportanttoplan.

In modern day living, when weprojectourselvesintothefuture,wetrigger the fear of the unknown.Uncertaintyofwhat liesahead.Youmay have heard the expression,‘Danger is real, fear is a choice’.The only place the fear lives is inour heads and in our thoughts.Forexample,thefeelingassociatedwithanxietyitisusprojectingourselvesinto the future and believing wedon’t have the resources to copewithwhateverwebelieveiscoming,remember your Silver Box,everythingyouneedisinthere.All

your courage, tenacity, andconfidencetonameafew.

The word ‘fear ’ itself is what Iwouldclassasanabstractionoranillusion—averyrealillusion.Thefeeling comes from a bodilysensation, a process in the bodythat’s triggered by something thatwe see, hear, touch, smell, or taste.Allthesesights,soundsandfeelingscan arise from anywhere outsideour external world, even ourimagination in our internal world.So,whatever theoriginof thefear,

it’s not something that we actuallyhave. It’s something that we do. Asubtlebutpowerfuldistinction.

I want you to start having anunderstanding of fear, because itstimetostart‘slayingthedragon’asyou progress on your Quest. Thedragon is holding you back onsome level. Could it be the fear ofhaving the conversation with theboss in the workplace? You knowwhat?Youmight justget fired!Butthe cost of not having theconversation is costing you

something more! To me, it’s soimportant to start considering thatyour fears may be holding youback.

CrusadersCourage

Onlyoncewefaceourfearwillweknow that we have the courage toovercome the fear. This couragedoes not come by removing thefear,butbytakingactionandhavingthecourageinthefaceoffear.Yourcourage is in yourSilver Box. I’veoften heard that there can be no

courage without fear. It’s not aresolution that’s only kept forsoldiers on the battle front. I likenthis to confidence. What do youthink confidence is? It doesn’t justturnup in thepost; youhave todowhatyoudon’twant todoand takeaction! And then the confidenceturnsupafterthefact,nottheotherwayaround!

You may say, When I’m moreconfident, then I will do X —however, it doesn’t work like this!Your ducks will never line up

exactlyhowthey’resupposedto.IfIwere to worry about whateverybodywasgoingtothinkaboutme writing a book, I would neverstartwritingabook.Becausethatisbased on fear; however, I know ifonepersonreadsmybookandgetssomething from it, then I’ll haveaccomplishedwhatIsetouttodo.

Ifwewaitfor thecourage,wemaynever takeaction.We’dbedoomedto continue with the same lifeexperiences. To me, that’s living alife that’s unfulfilled, a life that’s

onlyhalf-lived.

It also keeps us from taking risks,from being adventurous. Fromstepping up and living our lives.Going after what we really want.What if you could imagine rightnow,without having to think aboutfinances, or what other peoplemight think, or what you mightlose,whatifyoucouldputthemallto one side and just imagine for aminute having a Walt Disneymoment? It’s pretty empowering!That’sasmallglimpseofwhatyou

can do; that’s a small glimpse intoyourSilverBox.

Whatif?

Someofmyclients talkabout their‘whatif’fears,whichultimatelyisafearof aproblem thatdoesnotyetexist. The ‘what if’ question is theego’sway of keeping you stuck; itwants you to be distracted andcaught up in the drama of apossibility thathasn’thappened. It’slike the advertisements from largeinsurance companies, ‘What if this

billboard falls on your car ’— it’srooted in fear so as to spur you toget insured ‘in case’ it happens.However, the chances of thebillboard falling on your car areunlikely. Youmay notice questionsfrom the ‘what if’ syndrome like,‘What if Ikeepselfsabotaging’or,‘What if I take the leap and itdoesn’t work out as planned?’.When you think about it, what’sreally the worst thing that canhappen? ‘What if’ I experiencebadfeedback? It’s really about movingthrough your fear — we all have

fearsthatcomeup.

Thereareonlytwofearsthatwe’rebornwith,andifyou’veeverheldababy, you may know that they arethe fear of being dropped and thefear of loud noises.Most likely, ifyou were holding a child when adoor slams shut, the child in yourarms jumped. The rest of the fearsin our lives are learned. So, thebenefitofmovingbeyondourfearsmakes the impossible entirelypossible.

It allows us to develop and growwithoutholdingourselvesback.Wediscover the unknown and theresourcesofourSilverBox.

Isn’t it true that themorewe try toskip our fears, the more weexperiencethem?Whatwefocusonactually grows. It’s a bit like thebeachball I explainedearlier;pushit down, resist it, ignore it, and it’sgoing to pop up again. I’mreminded of the story where aperson was on their way to awedding and stopped to fill their

car, only to put diesel in the petroltank,whichweknowdoesn’twork.Needlesstosay,theyarrivedlatetothe wedding. Sometimes, the morewe focus on something we don’twanttohappen,themorelikelyitisthat we draw that fear experienceintoourenvironment.

So, here’s the truth: you can feelyour fearandmove forwarddoingwhat it is that you want to doanyway! As human beings, wecontinually play our lives at a safelevel. We play it safe by not

allowing ourselves the opportunityto love, to be loved, to grow, tosucceed,totakewhatwewantinourlives. By doing this, you allow thefear to keep you living a life ofmereexistence.

I remember a time I wanted to gofor a position as president of anorganisation, and I was actuallyapproached to take the position;however, I didn’t take it because Iwas full of fear. I felt that Iwasn’tgood enough and I stepped awayfrom it. Another person received

the position. So, what is your fearcosting you? For me, it was anexperiencetogrowanddevelopmyleadership skills. I learnedsomething very valuable and Ivowednevertodoitagain.

Did you know that, statistically,most people would rather die thanstand up and speak in public?Surveyaftersurveyrevealsthis,andit’s a well known fact that it’s upthere in the top three public fears.AsIsaid,Ioftenhearthequestionsofpeople,WhatifIkeepsabotaging

myself with the fear I’ve got? Thething is therearenooutside forces—it’sallinternal.Perhapsyouhaveafearofbeingsuccessfulandthat’swhyyouself-sabotage.Whatifyouweresuccessful—thenwhat?Whatunconsciousresponsibilitiesdoyoubelieveyouwouldhavetotakeon?Perhaps that’s what’s actuallyholdingyouback?

WhatifItaketheleapanditdoesn’tworkoutasplanned?Well,Ialwayslike to ask the question, ‘What ifyou do take the leap and it does

work out as planned? What then?Are you ready for that kind ofsuccess?’Rememberthepowerandthe intention. Be careful what youask for because youmight just getit.

What if I experiencebad feedback?How about reframing this andsaying, ‘That’s awesome’, becauseit’s exactly that — feedback andnothing more. Remember, nothinghasmeaningexceptforthemeaningwegiveit.

Using internal feedback, you canmanage your energy levels bypaying close attention to yourinternal guidance systems in yourSilver Box. Your emotions are animportant feedback system thatshows up as a visceral response inyourbody.Thebodygeneratescuesto certain vibrational states ofcontraction or expansion. In thestate of contraction, you feeldepressedandstressful and fearful,lonely, angry. These physicalfeelingsofcontractiontakeyouoff-course, away from what your

highest good is.You feel fear, youstop listening towhat’s insideyourSilver Box. I remember Anais Ninsaying, ‘Life expands or contractsin direct proportion to one’scourage’. She’s essentially saying,Movebeyondyourfears.

Expanding

When you pay attention to theemotions in your body, you canswitch gears and improve yourthoughts. As in the previouschapters, improving your thoughts,

lifting your thinking and liftingyourstandardswillchangeyouasaperson. As a result, you will feelmore joyful and happy andwill beinaplacewhatIcall,‘expansion’.Itis in this state of expansion andgrowth that you automaticallycreate an attraction, a vibrationalmatch for experiences andopportunitiesthatyouwanttoattractforyourself.

You effortlessly start to manifestyour goals and dreams withgratitude, happiness and joy on

your quest in your business, yourrelationships and, moreimportantly,inyourlife.

As you start to grow and developand start to fine-tune your internalbarometer and start to get theinternal signals, you’ll also start toreceive external feedback in theformofmessagesfrompeopleandthings around you. You willcontinuouslybemovingthroughthefear to take the next steps as youremaininthepresentmoment.

It’s important to know that thefeedbackisvery,verysubtle,anditisnotsomeneonsignfrompeople,situations and events in your life.WhatImeanisthatyouknowwhenthingsseemtoeffortlesslygoyourway,wheneverythingjustclicksforyou; you feel supported in youractions,clear inyourdirectionandgrateful for your experiences.Thisis clear feedback — the externalfeedback communicates that you’reon the right track with the rightintentions.

Theremaybetimeswhenyoumeetresistance at every turn. I like tothink that you’re being tested.You’rebeingtestedbytheuniverse.Ifyoustarttostepup,you’regoingto have more, higher-qualitychallenges. However, if — nomatter how hard you try— thingsnever seem to go your way, theuniverseissignallingtheneedforacourse correction. Listen to thisexternal feedback, because it canhelp you. You can quickly re-evaluate your attitudes, thoughts,and your actions; have some

behaviouralflexibility.Don’tbetheoak tree that snaps in the highwinds;instead,dancelikeabambootree.

Thisisalmostlikeinbusinesswhatwe call a test; a measure. Listencarefully to both your internal andexternalfeedbacksystems,howeverthat looks to you. This will guideyou to create theexactharmonyofwhatyouwantinsideofyou,tostartattractingwhatitisthatyouwantinyour life. As you’re going to begrowing and developing, you’re

goingtofindthatyou’restartingtoshift gears in your life. You’regoing to read this book and goingto go from fifth gear to sixth geartoeighthgear.You’regoingtostartcranking things up. What you’regoing to start discover is that youmightbecomeoverwhelmed,whichwe’llcoverinchapter5.Iwantyoutounderstandthatyou’renotalone!In fact, this is a very crowdedboattobesittingin.Somearefightingtosteer onto the rocks, some aregetting rafts ready, some arescreaming mayday, and there are

thosewhoarejumpingship.Allthewhile, I see you out at the helm,calmly steering the ship. In fact,perhapsholdingthisbookislikeatthe helm of a ship, and you’restartingtorealiseyoucansteerittoyourdestiny.

Before we move on, we have toconquer this feeling of beingoverwhelmed, which comes timeand time again. There’s always areasonwhyyou’refeelingthis.Askyourselfnow,Whatareyougettingout of feeling overwhelmed? I’ve

explained how you do it. What doyouneedtoletgoofthisfeeling?Ifyou want it focus on everything atonce, you need to look at thelessonsinchapter5.

Ifyoufocusoneverythingatonce,youclearlydon’thaveaplan,soit’stime to get some planninghappening.Lay it all out in a table.Howmuch,bywhen.Start creatingtimelines for it. Brad Sugars says,‘As much as it feels like planningtakesalotoftimeawayfromdoing,it makes the doing so much more

focussed and worthwhile’. And letmetellyou,you’regoingtofeelsomuch better if you start doing thisplanning.

Sowhat results doyouwant to seeinayear ’stime?5years?10years?Some people have never evenconsideredthat.Thiswillassistyouto alleviate the stress, the sensationofhelplessness,overwhelmand thefear.Whatwouldyouneedtodointhe next 90 days to achieve this?Whatspecificactionstotakeout?Inwhatorder?Whatresourcesdoyou

needaroundyou,andbyresourcesImean, what people do you needaroundyou?Wheredoyouneedtogo?Whodoyouneedtohangwith?

Start stating the intention from theonset. What’s your week going tolook like? I know at the start ofevery week I sit down and knowwhat I’m going to be doing. Howwill it look like?Howis itmappedout for a week?How is themonthmappedout?

I know that simply thinking about

this automatically starts assistingmebymovingforward.Ifeelbetteraboutmyself.Istarttocreateenergywithin me; I feel inspired to dothings.

Now, the plan can’t make you anydifferent, but it can help you shiftyour focus fromwhat you need todo to the next step. As Dr MartinLutherKing Jr said, ‘Take the firststep in faith and you don’t have tosee the first step’. Focusing on theverynextstepallowsyoutoremaincalmlyinthepresent.

And that’s a really cool place tostand tall and stand proud. There’snothing worse than being ready togoandnotbeingsurewhattodo.

Havethosestepsinplacesoyoucanknockthemoffonebyone,andthencalmly step into the next, andremember to be ecological. I loveecology because I know it’s goodforyou,goodforme,andgoodforthegreatergood.

WhatAreYouRunningFrom?

I remember the first time I ran amarathonandIwasterrified;whenIgottothe27kmark,Iwasinalotofpain. I hadn’t been in a place likethis before; itwasunfamiliar and Iwasn’t sure if Iwasgoing tomakeit. I was overwhelmed with feareventhoughIknewinmymindthatI had done the training, eatenwell,and had put eight months of workinto doing this. I was beginning torealise itwasmindovermatter. It’smind — think about that for asecond—mymindovermymatter,whichismybody.IrememberSteve

Moneghetti, theworld-class runner,standing at the start line giving thecrowd a pep talk, and he said, ‘Ifyou want to get to know yourself,runamarathon’.That’ssotrue,butinthatmoment,Iwasoverwhelmedwithfear.

To me at that moment, I wasactually experiencing that fear. Itwas a real situation for me in thepresent moment. Yet, once Igathered myself internally, I said,Really,you’vedoneallthework,allthe planning. There’s actually

nothingtofear.Thereisnodanger,and in a moment the paindisappeared and nothing happenedandIsubsequentlywentontofinishit.

DarkAlleyways

Let’s look at something a bitmoresinisterhere.Let’simaginethatyouareinthecityandyoudecidetotakea shortcut through some of thelarge buildings down a dark alleylate at night. All of a sudden, youhear these footsteps behind you—

multiplefootsteps.Youtakeaquicklook around; you see powerfullybuiltpeople,perhapspeopledressedin different ways, although youcan’t quite see. They’ve got longstrides. So you start to speed upyourpace.

Funnily enough, so do the peoplebehind you. Now you start to feelapprehensive, andyouwonderwhyyou’rewalkingdownadarkalleyat2o’clockinthemorninginthecitywhen there’s nobody around. Thealternativerouteislonger,butbetter

lit and more frequently used.Thoughtsspeedilyrunthroughyourmind and you start to debate thescenario.Was it a bit ridiculous towalkdownhere?IwonderifIstartrunning now what would happen.Yourmindbecomessofocussedonthe negative. Perhaps this is justpeople that walk the same way asme?All of a sudden you cross theroad and so do they. This is a realsituation in the present moment.Nothing has happened yet, but thesituation is hypotheticallydangerous.

It’s interesting that the fear makesyou want to run; you’re aware oftheevidenceanditmakesyouwantto take action. It’s better to lookscared than get hurt, right? Thishappens in the moment and isgenuine. Theremay not be danger,but you don’t want to wait to findout. So the fear is a stimulus andyourimagination.Soifthesepeopleattacked you, your fear would bestronganditwouldbereal.

So, how do you decide if thesituation is truly dangerous or just

your imagination? I want you toconsider what’s really going on inyourcorporatejob,relationship,orbusiness. Is it real? Or is itperceived?Is it time topushon,oristheresomerealpotentialdanger?Eitherway,youarenowstartingtoeducate yourself on how fearoperatesinyourlife.

Trilogy

Weall livewithadifferentleveloffear in our lives, but the ultimatetrilogyoffears(whicheveryhuman

being has) are: not belonging; notbeing loved; and not being goodenough. And I see these fears withpeoplewhoactuallylosetheirjobs.They go into this fight or flightmode.Theygo into, ‘Imust find ajob, now!’, and quite often they’renot ready for what it is that theyactuallywant to take.And they takeanything, and they find that onceagain, they’re going round incircles,doingexactlywhatit isthatthey don’t want to be doing.Especially if you are mouldingyourself to your job and not the

otherwayaround—discoverwhatyou truly love and you will bealignedwithyourvalues.

Learning about these three fearswasmassiveforme.Infact,itblewmyworldwideopentorealisethatIhad been living a life through fearby allowing my fear to drive mychoices.Forexample,abigoneforme to discover was the fear ofsuccess. All those jobs I didn’t gofor. I was more than qualified forgoingforthosejobs.Perhapsitwasmy application to become a board

member. Perhaps it was myapplicationintobethepresidentofan organisation. All because Ifearedfailure!

Now I understand why I didn’tinvest in that property, because Iwas afraid it might be a baddecision,whatifIgotitwrong?

I lost friendships that Ididn’tvalueenoughbecauseIfearedbeinghurt.Does any of this sound familiar toyou?Thethingis,ourfearisapartofwhoweare. It’spartof thehard

wiring that’s in our system thatallows us to experience it. Thisdatesback to thedawnofmankind,where feeling fear was used toprotect and survive against anythreats—likeasabre-toothedtiger!Allthewaytothecrusadersheadingofftoforeignlandstofightforeignpeople — can you imagine howtheyfelt?

Thissystem,whichonceenabledusto survive, now holds us back inmodern-day living, in modern-daycorporate. The fact is that even

thoughourexternalworldandwhatwe fight to protect and take actionagainst for survival has changed;our nervous system has remainedexactly the same! In order toovercomethisfear,wefirstneedtoface it! Facing our fears means totakeaction.

ThePayoff

The thing with all of this is thatlivingby the rulesof your fears isgivingyousomebenefit.It’sgivingyou what I call the payoff, which

may have kept you safe up untilnow. And I’m curious as to howthat’s actually serving you.However,therecomesapointwhenjust existing is no longer goodenough and our natural curiositybegins to question … ‘Is this alltherereallyis?’TheSilverBoxcallsto be opened. Start asking yourselfbetter questions:What do Iwant inlife? How do I achieve this? Howcould I be a better version ofmyself? Where can I amount tosomething? Whatever that meansfor you, your career, your

connection,yourlove,yourgrowth,your relationships, where will youbein5,10,15,somecases30years’time?It’sexciting!

InnerFear

There are four steps to feel it andjust get it over and done with.Knowing this will help you breakthe boundaries and achieve theresultsyouwanttoachieve.Trythisfor 21 days and just notice whathappens!

1. Acknowledge the fear!Everyone feels fear. It’s anormal human condition. Youcannot make changes unlessyouacknowledgethatitexists.

2. Understand the fear; have alook at it, examine it. How?What?Why?Wherehaveyourexperiencesbeen?

3. My favourite, although ithasn’t always been. Takeaction,actionandmoreaction!There’s no substitute for itbecause it will make you feel

better.

4. Commit! Committed,successful people finish stuffthat they started. This willsound counter-intuitive; startwiththeendinmind.

The only thing preventing us frombeing who we want to be, doingwhat we want to do, having thecareer and the life that we trulywant, is the stories that we tellourselves about why we can’t. It’snowtimetocutthroughtheBSand

go for what you really want. Youhavenoexcusesnow.

Chapter5

Stress:WhatStress?

“Ifyouaregoingthroughhell,keepgoing.”

—SirWinstonChurchill(1874-1965)

Stress isaverynatural response topressure, or perceived pressure,when faced with challengingsituations. Pressure is not onlyabout what’s happening around usbut about thedemandsweplaceon

ourselvesinternally,soisthestressreal or perceived? Becauseexperiencingstress ispartofbeingaliveandcanhelpincreasealertnessand safety in some situations for ashortperiodoftime,itcanactuallybegoodforus.Butifthestresslastsa long time, it overwhelms ourability to cope and function at ourmaximum.Itcanactuallyhavequitea negative effect on our health andaffectourenjoymentoflife.

Thegreatnewsisthatstressdoesn’thavetocontrolourlives,andaswe

develop our skills to deal betterwithhavingstress,youcanactuallyhavelessofit.

Stress—WhatStress?

When it comes to avoiding stress,learnhowtosay‘No’.Peopledon’tknow how to say ‘No’. Rememberyour boundaries. If you’ve got toomuchonatonetime,reduceit.Takecontrol of your internalenvironment, because this allowsyoutotakecontrolofyourexternalenvironment. You’ve often heard

the saying, What doesn’t kill usmakesus stronger. There’s actuallysometruthtothat,particularlywhenwe’re facing some challenges,thoughyoumustmanageyourstate.

Irememberamentorsayingtome,‘Don’treadthenewspaperorwatchthe news late at night — you takethat into your sleep’. It’s not themostbeneficialthingtodo.Findoutwhatyourrhythmsare.

For example, I’m a morningperson; my tough conversations

need to take place early in themorning.

When it comes to a stressmanagement strategy, accept thethings that you can’t change, don’ttrytocontrolthingsthatarebeyondyour control; principally, thebehaviour of other people. Ratherthanstressingabout them,focusonyourself andwhat you can control.Always look for the upside; bringthat positive state that you want.There’sseveralwaystodothis.Gofor a walk, jump in the pool, do

some exercise. All of these willcreate a ‘break state’, which willchangeyourdisposition.

Try to look for opportunities forpersonalgrowth; ifyourownpoorchoices are contributing to adifferent situation, have a look atthem!Dosomereflection! Ialwayssay,Learnfromyourmistakes.Talkto people, share your feelings, andtalk to a trustedmentor and friend.Go and hire a coach! Coaches areabout creating an exciting andcompellingfuturetomovetowards.

Expressingwhatyouwantandwhatyou’regoingthroughcanbeagreatway of release, even if there’snothing you can do to resolve thesituation.

Overwhelm,Stress,Planning

I’mcuriousaboutyourweekend—how do you approach it? Are youoneofthosepeoplewhodonothingduring theweek and thendecide todo everything at a ferocious rateduring the weekend to try and geteverything done, or are you

fastidiously organised and dosmaller tasks during the week, toheadoffthemountingpressureyouareheadingtowards?

This heightened feeling of beingstretched to the limitcancontributetoincreasedsleeplessnights,stress,panic, and increased feelings ofguilt,whichisaman-madeemotion.If this is you, perhaps you have adecreased level of self-confidence,fall into feeling overwhelmed, andare more exhausted on Mondaymorningthanatanyothertime?

Be assured you are not alone. Thefanaticalpacethatwelivetodaycanleaveyou spinningon the spot.Welive in bigger houses, talk less toour neighbours, have moretechnology and communicate less.We’ve never lived in a time withmore abundance and, in myopinion, more scarcity. We’rebusier now than at any other time,with domestic chores (unless youhave a housekeeper), technology,working longer hours, jugglingchildren, schools, and burgeoninghobbies looming large on the

horizon—exhaustedyet?

So what does it mean to feeloverwhelmed? Let’s be honest;we’ve all experienced it from timeto time, whether in your job,relationships, study or just outshopping. It’s that bodily sensationof a tightening chest, a poundingheart and, on occasion, amomentary headache. Panadol,anyone?

I’d like to share the solution, butbefore I do that, I want to explain

what’sgoingon.Youaregoingtoaspace in your head, neurologicallyspeaking, where you are choosingtofeeloverwhelmed—yes,youarechoosing it. Before you disagreewithme,justimagineforamomentthat all our emotions are a choice.We‘go’tothem;theydon’tcometous. They don’t just show up in thepostorarriveviaemail.Itbecomesa thought first (I’m overwhelmed),thenitbecomesaphysicalsensation(heartpounding), thenitbecomesabehaviour (fall in a heap, weep,anger, stress). I want you to start

noticingwhenyoudoit.

7StepstoDe-Stress

Letmepaintapictureheretoassistyou; you are jumping into a verypretty red helicopter and you areheading up into the blue sky atbreakneck speed in a vertical line,andasyousurveyallbelowinyourlife you imagine that there are somany things to do and your braincan’t tell the difference betweenperceived and real reality. That’showwebegintofeeloverwhelmed,

whichleadstostress.

So,thesimplesolutionistolandthehelicopterandstarttofocusononetaskatatime;that’swhereplanningcomes into effect. It has the upshotof enabling the brain to focus onone thing at one time. What youfocus on is what you get more of.So, that’s the solution; try this for21 days and write down when,whereandwhatyounoticed.Belowisalistofthingsyoucandotohelpyoumoveforward.

Make a List of Everything OnYourPlate

Many people who claim they areoverwhelmed have difficultycoming up with more than 15-20items on their “to do” list. The actofwritingdownthethingsyouneedto do (or are overwhelmed about)helpsyoucreatefocusanddowhatIcall a ‘brain dump’. This frees upyour mind space, and it also feelsfantastic when you can see yourpriorities.

Make a Prioritised List ofEverything

Howmany of the items on the listare truly “must do” items? Reviewyour list and determine if anythingcanbeshiftedorgiventosomeoneelse. Consider those items that are“easytodo”andremovethemfromthelist.Prioritisetheremaininglist.Thiswillhelpreducethefeelingofbeingoverwhelmed.Simple!

ControlWhat You Can, and LetGoofWhatYouCan’t

The spiritual gurus tout this asletting go of an attachment tosomething — in this case, anoutcome.Toomanypeopleputalotof attention on things they have nocontrol over. I’mabout controllingyour internal world. Ask yourself,‘Is this situation or thing you feeloverwhelmed about is somethingyou have control over, or not?’Consciously become aware andshiftyourfocusandyourenergytowhatyoucancontrol.

An80%ResultisStillGood!

You’re already stretched time-wise.Howmuchisyourtimeandenergyworth to you? Perfection is rarelyexpected, nor is it appreciated, andyetmanypeoplespendhourstryingto get things perfect. Don’t run aperfection strategy; perfectiondoesn’t exist. For example, sincemy children have come along, Ihaveraisedthebarofexcellenceinsomeareas,andIhavedroppedthestandardsthatreallydon’taffectmein other areas. It’s a choice aboutwhat’sreallyimportant.

ReleaseStress&MoveYourBody

AccordingtotheAustralianBureauof Statistics, ‘Australians who aremorephysicallyactivereportlowerlevelsofstressandhaveareportedhighersenseofwellbeing.’Regularexercise can help lower stress andbuild confidence and resilience.Otherwaystoreleasestressinclude:deep-breathing exercises, yoga,meditation, sleep, and lots oflaughter. Just do something thatmovesyourbodyandgetsthebloodflowing. The Crusaders used to

have a saying, ‘Where the headgoes, the body will follow’. Thatwaswhy theyused toalwayscheckthe teeth of the slaves; if they hadgoodteeth,theyknewthattheywerehealthy. Makes sense when youthinkaboutit.

Turn Negative Thinking intoPositiveThoughtsandActions

Are you focusing on how stressfulthings are or howmuchwork youhave to do? Learn to change yourthinking;shiftyourfocusandcreate

more positive thoughts. What youfocus on is what you will get themostof,goodorbad.Focusonhowmuchyouhaveaccomplishedtoday.Maintaining your focus on yourprogress rather than on howmuchthereislefttoachievewillhelpyoumaintain a sense of balance anddecreaseyourstress.

You see,when you start to removestressinverysmallwaysfromyourlife, it has an immediate positiveimpact on the quality of your lifeand the people around you. Dr

Martin Seligman, in his book‘Flourish’,talksabouttheexcessiveproduction of fibrinogen by theliver; it’s a substance used inclottingtheblood,becausethemorefibrinogen in the blood, the moreblood clots in the circulatorysystem, making the blood, in hiswords, ‘sticky’. And that’s actuallycaused by stress. But what I’minterested in is using stress assomething positive, to move youforward,becausepeoplewhohaveahighpositiveemotionshow lessofthe fibrinogen in their blood,

reducing stress by producing ahigher positive emotion. It’simportant from a scienceperspective how you handle stressin the workplace and in yourrelationships, because it’s reallyhaving an effect on your health.Choosewisely.

PracticeGratitude

This is a personal favourite that Ibelieveshouldbetaughtinschools.

Learning to practice gratitude for

whatisinyourlife,andwhatisnotin your life. Focus on your health,the love you have in your life, thepeoplewhosay‘hello’toyoueveryday (they don’t have to), and thepeople who take care of you thatyou don’t see. For example, whenyou arrive at your office in themorning, how clean is it? Whocleaned it?Thank themeven ifyoudon’t see them; this will create aconnectionwithinyouthatwillhaveapowerful,tangiblepositiveeffect.

I have agratitudediary that Iwrite

ineverynight.Ialwayswritetenormore things I’m grateful for. Thegoodfeelingthatcomesfromitwillastound you. Try this for 21 daysand notice what happens— you’llbegratefulthatyouhave.

Finally, regaining focus anddecreasing stress levels may feellike an uphill battle. It’s like goingto the gym for the first time; youmay not get results straight away.You have to keep doing it and theresults will come! Overcomingstress and beginning to plan is

absolutely necessary. Do this andyouwillreaptherewards.

Insight:StressvsTime

OneofthebiggestprecursorsIhearwithpeoplewhenitcomestostressistime,oralackoftime.

Beliefsaroundtimeareinteresting;what’sevenmoreinterestingis thattime doesn’t actually exist. It’s ameasurement we’ve created toallow us to get things done bymeasuring how long it takes. Ifwe

removedalltheclocksintheworld,whatwouldwebeleftwith?

Sundials — they were the ancientandnaturalmeasurementofthesun.Their moving shadows formed asundial, enabling people to dividethedayinto twopartsbyindicatingnoon. They also showed the year ’slongest and shortest days when theshadow at noonwas the longest orshortestoftheyear.

The language of time is curious,andcanbelinkedtostress,because

it is theperceived lackof time thatcan cause stress for some people.Herearesomeexamples.

Iranoutoftime

Ineedmoretime

Ihavenotime

Timeisshort

HowwillIfindthetime?

Howmuchtimedidwespend?

Canyouspendamoment?

Let’smakethetime

Haveyougotthetime?

Wheredidallthattimego?

Canyouspareamoment?

Ican’tfindthetime

Ihaven’tgotthetime

Mostlanguagearoundtimeisaboutnecessity, rather than possibility,andthat’swherethestresscreepsin.

Imagineifwetalkedabouttimelike

this,whatwoulditdoforourstresslevels?

IchoosehowIusemytime

Ihaveplentyoftime

I choose to do this with mytime

Myfocusisthis,rightnow

I enjoy being in the nowmoment

Timeisonmyside

Ourlanguageisawindowintoourbeliefs about time and stress. Ifwekeepourfocusonwhatwelack,wewillnothave‘thetime’andwewillcreatemorestress.The truth is,wehave all the time we need to doeverythingwecareabout.It’saboutwhatwevaluethemost.Havealookatwhatyouarevaluinginyourliferightnow; if it’shealth,you’ll findtimetotrain,ifit’sbuildingwealth,you’ll find time there also.Whateveryouvalue,you’llfindthetime.Time is exactly as it needs tobe.Thequestion is,areyouasyou

needtobe?

Another interestingwaywe tend tothink of time is as a resource thatwespend,justlikewespendmoney.To complete a one-hour task is tospend an hour on it. How are youspending your day? How will youspend the rest of the year?Time ismoney,adisposableresource.

This is a mistaken way to thinkabout time.Time is not a resource.Youcannotspendtime.Timespendsitself. You have no choice in the

matter.Nomatterwhat you do, thetime is going to pass anyway. Itdoesn’tmatter if you do one thingor another for the next five or tenyears. Those years will pass nomatterwhat you do. In reality, youarenever in thepastor future.Youexist only in the ever-presentmoment.Evenwhenyourememberthe past, or envision the future,you’re still thinking those thoughtsinthepresent.Allyoureallyhaveisright now. And that’s all you everwill have. You can’t control thepassageoftime,butyoucancontrol

your presentmoment focus. That’sall. No past. No future. Just rightnow.

Soiftheonlythingthatexistsisthepresentmoment,what sensedoes itmake to be stressed aboutsomething? You are future pacingyourself. Stop!Take a deep breath,come back to the present moment,andre-evaluateyourself.

FillinginTime

Deadlines and timeframes establish

parameters, but not always in agoodway, and sometimes they cancreate stress. The average personwhoisgiventwoweekstocompletea taskwill instinctively adjust theireffortssoitactuallytakesthosefulltwo weeks. Forget deadlines as away tomanageyour activity—dotasks instead. Tasks should only beas long as they need to be.One ofthe really great things aboutavoidingstressistobeabletoturnaround and go and do it,straightaway. Take action in themoment if you can. Do everything

as quickly and effectively as youcan,andthenusethat‘freetime’aseffectively as possible. Averagepeopleallowtimetoimposeitswillon them. Remarkable peopleimposetheirwillontheirowntime.

VolunteertoMoveForward

This is a favourite of mine; mostpeople don’t volunteer because byputting your hand up you wind upbeing asked to do more, and webelieve that will cause more stressforus.

Let’s look at this from a differentviewpoint.When I putmy hand uptodosomething,formeIlookatitas an opportunity to learn, to gainmore skills and to build newrelationships. Sometimes it’s eventhere to impress. To do somethingmore than you believed you werecapable of doing. So success isbased on action! You’ve heard theexpression,‘Giveabusypersonthejobandit’llgetdone’.

I’minterestedinwhatyou’lldoforfree,more thanwhat you’ll do for

money, because that tells me a lotaboutyourcharacterandthepersonyou are and how you’ll handlestress. So the more that youvolunteer,themoreyou’repreparedtostepup.

Successful people step forward tocreate the opportunities. I like tovolunteerinmanydifferentareasofmy life. It doesn’t have to be fordays andweeks at a time; it canbe2-3hourshelpingafriendthatIseeisrunningforelection.Iloveonlinecharities; one of my favourites is

kiva.org, because I’m passionateabout helping people who are inpovertyinotherpartsof theworld.Infact,Imakeitafamilyaffair;I’llsitdownwithmyson,Hugo,andwegothroughalistofpeoplewhoarelooking for business funding indeveloping countries. Noteverybody isas fortunate to live inafirst-worldcountryandhavefirst-world problems. We’ve sponsoredpeople in businesses around theworld,suchasJuan,inElSalvador,who wants to buy a truck full ofpineapples tohelpbuildabusiness.

Hugo gets to experience firsthandthegiftofvolunteeringhistimeandassisting people around the world,and itgivesmeasenseofhumilityand perspective as I deal with theperceivedstressinmylife.

ExperiencevsAccomplishments

I see people out there gettingdegrees — myself included —trying to educate themselves when,really,a trueeducation iswhatyoudoeveryday.Idon’tcarehowlongyou’ve been doing what you’ve

been doing. I don’t care if you’vebeen a chef for 30 years, I don’tcare about how many years ofservice— it tellsme nothing. Youcould be the worst chef in theworld; howwould I know?What Icare about is what you’ve done;what Icareabout iswhatyoustandfor. What I care about is whatyou’removingtowards!

For example, how many differentbusinesses have you set up? Howmany departments have youcreated?Howmany fantastic teams

have you built? Successful peopledon’t need to describe themselvesusing hyperbolic adjectives, likepassionate, innovative and driven.They can describe in a down-to-earth, humble way what they’vedone.Whenpeople say tome, ‘So,whatdoyoudoJohn?’I justsay,‘Itake people from their heads intotheirhearts’.Bang!It’sassimpleasthat. I could go on for 20minutes,butwhatendsuphappeningisthatitsoundslikeajustification.

HandExercise

Hold your right hand up towardsyour face and look at the lines onyourhand;maybethere’sascar,orperhaps you see the veins. I wantyou to focus on the palm of yourhand. Notice every detail. That’s avery special hand that you’ve got.Nobody else has that hand!What Iwant you to imagine, as you focuson your hand, is that your handrepresents a problem. As you’refocussing on the problem, andkeeping your hand still, slowly liftyour eyes a little and shift yourfocusbeyondyourfingersandonto

thewall.Youmaystarttonoticethatyour hand becomes a little bitblurry. Perhaps you see 10 fingersinstead of 5 fingers. The point I’mmaking is that you’re handrepresents the ‘problem’; however,when you change your focus, youare able to see beyond the‘problem’thatiscreatingstressforyou right now, even though theproblemisstillphysicallythere.

Finale

Stress is fear and anger combined.

Accept thatwe live in an imperfectworld and that you’re an imperfectperson. Human beings, by default,willmakemistakes.Forgivepeoplewho you believe have donesomething wrong towards you;allow yourself to learn from this,and move forward. Stress andforgiveness cannot coexist in yourthoughtsatthesametime,thereforeit isyourchoicewhat thoughtsyouwanttoexperience.

Chapter6

Education:AcceleratingYourGrowth

“Iamnotyoungenoughtoknoweverything.”

—OscarWilde(1854-1900)

Books are important, as they helpyoutoexpandyourthinking.Ifyouread one book a week, which isentirely possible, that’s fifty-twobooksayear.That’smorethanwhatmost people read in five or tenyears.Ifyoureadabookaweekfor

five years, youwould be an experton any subject.Youwould have somuch information that you wouldbe able to speak fluently on yourchosen topic. Doing this alonewouldhelpyoudiscoverthehiddentreasures within yourself and yourSilverBox.Trystartingoutwith15minutes a day, and after two years,that’s over 180 hours.That amountof hours adds up to you flying aplane, learning a new language, anew software program; imaginehow good a guitar would soundafter 180 hours of guitar lessons.

Remember, things that we achieveare, by definition, difficult. If youspendyourlifelookingfortheeasyway, there won’t be anyachievements. It’s what developsour character; it’swhowe becomeonthejourney.Inmyopinion,that’swhy so many people are unhappy,don’t feel good about themselves,and have low self-esteem — theyhave not taken the risk of doingsomethingdifficult.It’svitaltokeepthe loop of learning open. It’sperfectly natural for us to want tomove forward in our lives. As

Nelson Mandela once said,‘Education is the most powerfulweapon which you can use tochange theworld’.The future is ineducation. I believe he was talkingabout educating the self. If youbelieve you have no time foreducation, notice where you dospend your time; have a look inyour life and tell me where youread the newspaper or themagazine, what you do on yourlunch break, howmanymovies doyou go to.? The point is that wemaketimeforwhatwevaluemost;

if you want to change your life,make some changes. Just like theship that starts out one degree off-course and, many days later, arehundreds of miles from theirdestination, so small changesmakebigdifferences.

Iverymuchwantyoutounderstandthe reality ofwhat it takes to growyour intellectual knowledge. Thefirst step is tomake a commitmentto yourself to read one new bookevery fortnight. Secondly, take ashortcourseinanareathatinterests

you, be it a language, finances orpersonaldevelopment.

I have always loved personaldevelopmentbecauseoftheinsightsit gaveme about myself and thosearound me. I always had an innateability to see beyond people’swords,butInevertrustedmyselftoexpress it until I started doingpersonal development courses. Afewyearsago,Idecidedtogetintocoaching full-time because I justknew, deep down, that I wanted toserve on a more meaningful level

andaddvaluetopeople’slives.Anditfillsmewithpassion;itwaslikeatsunami coming over me when Istarted doing it. The reason I didthis is because I knew I would bebetter off doing what I waspassionate about rather thanwhat Iwasgoodat.It’sforthatreasonthatI despise the saying, ‘Stick withwhat you’re good at’.All that saystome is that you haven’t followedwhat it is that you trulywant to bedoing.Forme,itwasasifaswitchhad been flipped on— I knew I’dnever go back to doingwhat Iwas

doing. IstartedreadingeverybookIcouldgetmyhandsonintheareaof self-development and coaching,which added fuel to fire as, witheverybookIread,mypassiongrew.Choose a topic that interests youandstartreadingtoday.

PerfectBalance

Dr John Demartini talks about theuniversehavingperfectbalance;hesays,‘There’snotacourseofactionthatyoucantakethatdoesnothavea downside. It’s the universe’s way

of maintaining exquisite balance’.So, if you don’t pursue yourpassion and educate yourself,there’sadownside;ontheflipside,if you do pursue it, there areupsides. Once you understand thisprinciple, it’s very liberating, as itallows you to understand what itmeans to take risks in life. Thesimple fact that you are not doingwhatyouare supposed tobedoingisarisk.

You see, life is not about avoidingrisks, it’s about taking calculated

risks. Inmodernday living,weareencouraged to build up assets andhave wealth and resources so thatwecanleavewhatwearedoingandthen reinvent ourselves to startliving the way we truly ought to.Theproblemwiththismodelisthatwecanonlydo thisby the timeweareinoursixties.Butwait—that’swhen we are supposed to be‘retiring’,whichbynowyouknowIdon’t believe in. I believe in ‘re-threading’ ourselves.Whyon earthwouldyouwant to retirewhenyoulovewhatyoudoandthepassionis

there every day? It’s the passionaboutwhatyoudothatgivesyoutheenergy, and if youhave the energyyouaregoingtobeproductive.It’sa big fat liewe’ve been sold aboutaccumulatingassetssowecanretireand ‘start living’.Howmany timeshave we heard the stories aboutpeople retiring and dying two tofive years later, because they losethe value within themselves, theyhave no purpose, because theybelievedwhattheydidwaswhotheywere?It’smadness!

Re-Evaluate

Lessthan11%ofAustraliansinvestmoney in theirowneducationaftertheyhavefinishedformaleducation.It’s time to shift this mindset andstart to re-educate yourself. Thetruth is, you stopped learning theday you stopped picking up booksor going on a course. It’s time tounderstand that we must takeresponsibilityforourownlives.Wearenotentitledtoanything.WhenIhear statements from my clientslike, ‘Life is hard’, I ask them,

‘When was the last time youinvested in your own education,apartfromworkingwithme?’Theyinvariablystarebackatmeblankly.Educationisaboutbuildingon,andenabling our capabilities andstrengths to develop evenmore, inorder to live a life thatwewant tolive.When I seemy three-year-olddaughter at play, she’s hungry forknowledgeandlearning,butonlyintheareasshe’sinterestedin.

OnedayIaskedmydaughter,MimZara, ‘Would you like to read a

book on Peter Pan?’ and sherefused. I then picked up anotherbookoninsectsthatbelongedtomyson.Isaid‘Mim,wouldyouliketoread this book instead?’ and sherefusedagain.Finally,IpickedupabookonDoratheExplorerandsaid‘Mim would you like to read thisDora book?’ Of course, sheexcitedly answered, ‘Yippi!’Children are the same as adults;they want to read, learn andexperienceintheareasthattheyarepassionateabout.

I encourage you to challengeyourself and your views oneducation and commit to been alife-long learner. The rate thatthings are changing is fast, sotherefore we must adapt. It wasCharles Darwin who said, ‘It’s notthe survival of the fittest, it’s thesurvival of the person who canADAPTthequickest’.

Jim Rohn says that, ‘You are theaverage of the five people youspendthemosttimewith.’That’sthefivepeoplethatyou’rehangingout

withthemost.Let’slookatitfromavalues perspective: look at theirvalues and ask yourself a veryimportant question, ‘Are theirvaluesinlinewithmyvalues?’.Ifatthispointyouareunsure,youmayhave to start by asking, ‘What aremyvalues,andwhat’softhehighestimportance inmy life right now?’.We must align ourselves withpeople who share the same valuesaswedo,otherwiseyouwillattractpeoplewhoareincongruenttoyou,which will begin to raise doubts,fear,andprocrastinationwithinyou.

Letmepaintyouapicture.AclientIwas recently coaching started toquestionhervalues.Shehadawellpayingjobwithasix-figuresalary;shehadbeenworkinginherjobfor10 years, climbing the ladder andhad reached a high position in thecompany.Thiswaswhatshealwayswanted,or thought that shedid,butshewasmoremiserable than ever!When we started looking at hervalues,thefirstthingthatshespokeabout was her four-year-olddaughter.What she discoveredwasthat her daughter was at the top of

hervalues;herjobwasn’tanymore,and thatwas causing her pain.Ourvaluesarenotstatic.Overtheyearsof climbing the corporate ladder,and striving for career goals, herhighest value during this time hadchanged, and she was no longercongruent.Itwastimetore-evaluatehervalues.

HappinessEducation

The importance of becoming‘worldly’ and understanding self-education is linked to becoming

educatedinyourattitudetowardsit.It would be fair to say that it’s notalways easy to maintain a positiveattitude in today’s world. We havebusiness demands, worries, andpressures that we place onourselves.Often,themorewetrytobe positive, the more it seems thatthenegativeenergyappears.WhatImeanbythisisthatyoumaywanttohave a look at working towardsdevelopingthemuscleofhappinessthroughself-education.Ifyouaren’tgrowing, you’re probablydecaying, so youwould bewise to

learn and grow. As Dr Demartinistates, ‘Nobody wakes up in themorning and says they want toshrink’. Quite the contrary — wewant to grow in all areas of ourlives, even though we might notknowhow to.You are either greenandgrowingorbrownand rotting.Start to learn something new,anything,and thenshareor teach ittosomeoneelse.

Ihaveasecrettoshare:Iloveflyingkites. Early on in my son Hugo’slife, Iwould take him to the beach

on a windy day and we would flymy acrobatic kite. He loved this.Then, one day after showing himhowtoholdthehandles,hebegantofly the kite on his own. Soon hebecamebetteratit,andhewasonlyfive.Nowhe flieshisownkiteandteaches me a thing or two when itcomes to kite acrobatics. You see,happiness doesn’t just arrive; youmust create it, and it can bedevelopedthrougheducation.Don’talways wait for great or goodthingstohappentoyou—youneedtoproduce it in themoment.When

you start adopting the muscle ofworking a positive attitude, yourlife becomes very rewarding,instead of just surviving or gettingthrough. So the opposite of havinggreat attitude and optimism ispessimism.

It’s optimistic people that tend toexperiencegreaterjoyintheirlives.They tend to bemore present thantheir pessimistic counterparts.Maintaining that positive attitudeduring stressful times — yeah,sometimes it can be challenging!

That’swhereyoudigdeepandfindyourSilverBox. Itmay take a littlebit of time; be kind to yourselfbefore you automatically realisethat the natural response to anysituation is not always optimistic.Theysayjustkeepturningup,keepdoingit,keepdrivingthathabitandmaintaining it until it becomessecondnaturetoyou.

It’sscientificallyproventhatwelivelonger, healthier lives when wehave a positive mental attitude. Onthe other hand, a negative attitude

produces the results of beingpessimistic and usually affects ourhealth in the opposite manner. Itaffects our heart, our systems, andis proven to produce a higher riskofcancer.Afterall,wewanttolivehappier, healthier lives, dowenot?Start being grateful for the roofover your head, your family, andthe car you drive. Happiness isn’tsomething that’s external; it’s aconsciousdecision.Startbymakingup your mind right now to do it.Think of life as a road, it’s apathway, a journey, a quest. Start

looking forward and embracingunfamiliarexperiences.Justbecauseit’s unfamiliar doesn’t mean it’sbad; it’s just unfamiliar. Don’tignorethatchange—embraceit.

OldDog,NewTricks

The Jet Ski mentioned earlier is ametaphorforlife;ifyoudon’thavefull throttle on the jet ski, thenyou’reactuallygoingtobeunstableinlife.Ioftenhearclientssay,‘I’mtoooldtostartover,youcan’tteachanolddognewtricks’or, ‘I’mtoo

old to go back to university andstartlearning’.Infact,it’snevertoolate, and you are never too old tostart learning and growing. Iremember watching a video of aladywhowas interviewedbyTonyRobbins in England and she wasnearly110yearsofage.Shehadallher faculties andwas still growingandplaying thepiano.Get backonyourJetSkiatfullthrottleandhavesomefunlearningsomethingnew.

PayYourDues

Dues don’t get paid once; they getpaid each and every day! The onlyreal measure of your value is thetangiblecontributionyoumakeonadailybasis.Sostartaskingyourself,WhatvaluedoIbringmybusiness?What value do I bring to theorganisation?WhatvalueamIasaperson to society, to the world?Thinkbigger!Ask,HowcanIbeofvalue?

No matter what you’ve done oraccomplished in the past, you’renever too good to roll up your

sleeves,togetdirty,todothegruntwork.No job isever toosmall;notask is ever unskilled! I rememberworkingwithageneralmanager inahotel, andoneof the reallygreattraitsIlovedabouthimisthatwhenthe team was under pressure hewould roll his sleeves up and hewouldhelpouttheteaminanywayhe could. I was walking down thecorridor one day and he said, ‘It’sfunny! The higher up I go in theorganisation, themoresomethingsstay the same!’ And I thought thatwas a really great insight from

somebody I respected. He wasrunning the organisation and at thesametimehewasnotsobigthathecouldn’t drop himself down a fewnotches to assist me. Remarkable,successful people never feelentitled,ever.Theyget in thereandgetonwithit.They’reaccessible!

Learning something new comes inmany forms: readingbooks, takingcourses, and modellingextraordinarypeople.

5KeyQuestions toAssistYou to

IdentifyYourValues

In answering these questions, lookfor recurring patterns that younotice about yourself and yourbehaviour.

1. What are your hot buttons?What gets you going? Whatinspires you?What stirs you?For example, is it peoplewhowill give you a go, who willforgive easily and overlookfault and history and believethat you have the potential to

change. Do you love to assistpeople and release theirpotential? This is clearly apersonal value. The valuecouldbe‘Grace’or,aswesayinAustralia,‘AFairGo’.

2. What do you spend most ofyour time talking aboutpassionately? What subjectsinterest you consistently? Forexample, do you love to readstories about motivation orabout people who work hard,persist and win, overcoming

huge obstacles? Cadel Evans’story of 10 years’ hard work,persisting through manydisappointments, injuries andnear-missestobecomethefirstAustralian towin theTourDeFrance, is inspiring.ThevaluehereisPersistence.

3. Whatareyourstrengths?Havethe courage to focus on andadmit your strengths. Do youenjoy listening to people, toseek out what is really beensaid, to hear what motivates

them deep on the inside? Ienjoy being ‘present’ withpeople, and therefore the giftof listening is one of thegreatest gifts anyone cangive.ThiscouldbeapersonalvalueofGenerosity.

4. Whatiseffortlessandeasyforyouthatitisoftendifficultforothers? For example, I amusually very reliable. I like todo what I say I will do.Keeping my word or apromise is very important to

me, as is being on time andrespecting others’ time. Forme, this isapersonalvalueofIntegrity.

5. How do you spend time andmoney? This is where it getsreally honest. If you want tofindoutwhatyoureallyvalue,then have a look at yourexpensesandyourdiary.Ifyoudo not spend time and moneyon what you say you value,then I don’t believe it is animportant value. E.g. I spend

regular time and money onhealth products and runninggear, and have invested over$25,000inthepasttwoyearsincourses and with coaches thatare assisting me to growpersonallyandinmybusiness.TheValueshereareHealthandPersonal and ProfessionalGrowth.

From your answers to these 5questions,youwillgainanaccuratepictureofyourpersonalvalues.

WritedownsomeofyourInsights....

Chapter7

InternalJourney:In-houseDesign

“Ihavenothingtodeclareexceptmygenius.”

—OscarWilde(1854-1900)uponarrivingatUScustoms,1882

Before you enter your ownkingdom and go on your internaljourney, youmay find yourself onthe threshold of a new beginning,assuming that’s what you want.Sooner or later, your Silver Box

willbringyoutothispivotalpoint;you either back awayor youpluckup the courage and continue toplaces that you’ve never been tobefore.

Youmayalsowant toknowthatupuntil this point you have been adaughter, a sister, brother, wife,father,husband,mother,uncle,aunt,niece or nephew. You’ve also hadother roles in the community,perhapsasanacademic,avolunteer,mentor, or friend. But first andforemost, you must be ‘you’ from

hereonin.

Ibelievethat there isapurposeforevery human being. As I began toexplore my own purpose in life, Irealised that I needed to start overand leave all that I knew and wasfamiliar tomebehind.I’mnotsurethere’s any other way; as soon asyou say ‘yes’ to you, there’s nogoingback.ButIknewthatIwouldfindtheresourceswithinme,asyouwill too. There’s no downside tothis journey, only the discovery ofhidden jewels that you are yet to

feast your eyes on. What you dotodayisimportantbecauseyouhaveexchangedadayofyour life for it—todoanythingelseistocommitspiritualsuicide.

EmbraceFailure

When we find ourselves perplexedin terms of goals and our growth,we might feel overwhelmed. Iencourageyoutokeeptakingsmallstepstowardsyourgoals.AnaisNinwas quoted saying that ‘Life is aprocess of becoming, a

combinationofstateswehavetogothrough.

Wherepeople fail is that theywishtoelectastateandremaininit.Thisis a kind of death’.Wemust growandmorph on our journey.Whereyouare rightnow is exactlywhereyouneedtobe.

We live in a society where we’reafraidtofail.Ifyouaskpeoplewhythey’resuccessful,mostlikelytheiranswers will be filled with storiesofpersonalfailures,upsanddowns

ontheirjourneytobecomewhoitisthat they wanted to be. They keepmoving forward, even when theydon’t feel like it.For example, J.K.Rowling, the author of the HarryPotter novels, was waitressing andon public assistance when she waswriting the first instalment ofwhatwould become one of the best-selling series in history. The bookwasrejectedbyadozenpublishers.Theonly reason itgotpublishedatall was because the CEO’s eightyear old daughter begged him topublish it. Oprah Winfrey’s

childhood was frightful and filledwith horrible abuse and abjectpoverty but, like most successfulpeople, Oprah doesn’t dwell onstuff like that. ‘I don’t think ofmyself as a poor, deprived ghettogirl who made good. I think ofmyself as somebodywho, from anearly age, knew I was responsiblefor myself, and I had to makegood.’—OprahWinfrey

Every successful person has failedmany times.Most of them failed alotmoreoftenthanyou.That’swhy

they’re successful now! So, Iencourage you to embrace everyfailure;ownit!Learnfromit!Writeit down, take notes, and take fullresponsibility in making sure thenext time things will turn outdifferently, and eventually you failyourwaytosuccess.

Occasionally, somethingcompletely outside of your controlwill cause you to fail.Most of thetime, though, it’snotyouandthat’sokay, although I’m curious aboutthe language you use around

failure. Successful people usepronouns and take responsibility,like ‘I’, ‘me’ and sometimes ‘too’;theyuse‘we’sporadically.

I love seeing people who actuallytake time out to promote theirbusiness, particularly through themedium YouTube. They marketthemselves, and quite often thevideos aren’t perfect. I actuallyenjoytheimperfectionofthevideo.While most people think that theyfailbecause ithasn’tcomeout toaprofessional standard, the fact that

it’s imperfect says to me that theperson is not afraid to fail and tohave a go. I’m more likely tofollow that person than the onewho’s trying to reach perfection.‘Never compare your journeywithsomeone else’s.’ It’s a marathonwith no finish line. Someone elsemay start out faster than you, mayseemtoprogressmorequicklythanyou,buteveryrunnerhastheirownpace.

‘Yourjourneyisyourjourney,notacompetition.’

—CherylJacobsNicolai

JournalIt

I started to journalmy thoughts, asit helped me to see how I wasthinking.It’sagreattool.Ididn’tdoiteveryday,butwithinafewweeksI began noticing my thoughtpatterns and I started writing themdown. What I noticed was reallyinteresting. The patterns of myinternal language and thoughtssounded like members of myimmediate family in Ireland. I

wouldbewritingdownachildhoodmemoryand,asIstartedtodothis,Iwould realise that it sounded likeAuntie Martha who used to say,‘Youronly friend ismoney’as shetappedherapronpocket.ThemoreIwrote in my journal, the more Istartedtounderstandmyoldbeliefsandwheretheyhadoriginated.Nowthat I could see this belief exposedin front of me, I had a choice tocontinueacceptingthemortorejectthem.Thiswasveryliberating.

Creatingajournalcanbeformany

things, such as exploring yourthoughts, ideas and goals. Whenwritingyourgoalsdown,readthemdaily,as theadvancementwillkeepyoumotivated.Asyoustartmovingtowards thosegoals,whatever it is,thosesmallthingseventuallyaddupto something larger. Putting stepsthat you’ve taken towards yourgoals in writing, no matter howsmall,willserveasareminder thatyou are progressing and reachingyourgoalsonestepatatime.

Hubert Selbie Jr. said that

‘Eventually, we all have to acceptfull and total responsibility forouractions. Everything we have doneand everything that we have notdone’. Even Jim Rohn states thatyou must take personalresponsibility; ‘You cannot changethe circumstances, the seasons, thewind, but the only thing you canchange is yourself, and that issomethingthatyou’reinchargeof’.Let’shavealookatsomeprinciplesI‘ve put together to assist you onyour internal journey. Foremost,these principles ask you to take

responsibility, because it opens upthe path to change as you discoveryour Silver Box and go on yourinternal journey. Takingresponsibilityisequivalenttotakingcontrol of the experiences in yourlife. You choose and create yourfutureandyourexperiences.

TheFivePrinciples

1. Action is the leader of allchange—doitbeforeyoufeelit!

2. Bustthosebeliefsthatareonly

assumptions; that’s slang forsomething that’s made up inyourhead.

3. Leading an extraordinary lifeis not for people who don’twant tochange. It’s forpeoplewho are prepared to moveforward and engage withthemselvesandtheirlives.

4. Do something long enoughuntilyour‘ego’runsoutofthestory. Keep doing it until itfilters into your unconsciousmind.

5. You can be motivated or youcanbeinspired.Youwanttobeinspired by something; whenyou are inspired you areinspirited, which is your truespirit or self.We love to hearstories of those who sailaround the world and doextraordinarythingsbecauseitgives us the hope, the desire,the motivation and thereforethe inspiration to do thosethingsinourownlives.

RemovetheDistractions

Inordertostayfocusedandachievewhatever it is that you’ve decidedon, you must eliminate everythinginyour life that distracts you fromachieving your desires. It’s theultimate self-leadership when youaregoingonyourinternaljourney.

What’s distracting you? Is itprocrastination or stagnation? Thisis also known as ‘shiny object’syndrome. What happens is thatthesedistractions inourdaily livestrick us into believing that it’s oureveryday life; we think that this is

just how it is. Some of the mostcommon ones are spending toomuch time on Facebook, watchingT.V.andplayingvideogames.

These distractions actually makeyou losefocusonwhat’s importantin your life. They’re wasting time.Theydon’thelpyou,sogettingridof all these distractions will giveyoumore timetobeable tohavealook at what it is that you want inlife.

Unconscious Communication 6

CoreNeeds

Howwecommunicateinlifeisvitaltoourcareerand relationships.Wecommunicate by only using 7% ofour words and tonality, 38%through our physiology, and 55%withourbodylanguage.So93%ofour communication is actuallyunconscious. When you findyourselfcreatingawarenessofwhoyou are and what you stand for inyour life, you start to notice howpeople are communicating. Youstart to notice hand gestures and

their eyes; this is a very powerfulway to appreciative how peoplecommunicate. When you startunderstanding now peoplecommunicate, you start tounderstand that every human beinghasSixCoreNeeds.

Everybody has their universalneeds; Icall them the ‘tick-tock’ofhumanbeings,andit’swhatweseekout. We will get these eitherresourcefully or un-resourcefully;either way, you’ll get them. Whenyou understand yourself, it makes

youirresistible.

The first one is certainty —essentially, wanting to havesafety.When seeking certaintyin your life resourcefully, it’sfound internally. It’s self-confidence, it’s trustingyourself. In an unresourcefulstate,it’sthecomfortzone.It’stheroutinesthatdon’tserveus.Forexample,watchingwaytoomuchTVandnottakingarisk.It’s Groundhog Day. It’s anaction thief and it is robbing

youofvitality.

Number two is variety, oruncertainty. The resourcefulwaytohavevarietyisintakingrisks,embracing theunknown,and embracing the playfulnessand the fun in life.Of course,inanunresourcefulmannerit’sthe‘shinything’syndrome.It’swhenwe start flicking the TVchannels — it’s theuncalculated risk taking, it’sthe promiscuity, the addictionsand the head in the sand

approachtolife.

Number three, significance.Resourcefully, significance isfound in leadership that isabout contribution, backingyourself. It’s trustingwho youareandwhatyoustandfor.It’sthe master of your craft. Ifyou’reagiverofsignificance,you complement people andchampion their brilliance,again in an unresourcefulmanner; you can getsignificance by being a drama

queen.Bythrowingyourhandsupintheaireverytimethere’saproblem.Bybeingthecentreof attention, a victim, a bully,martyrdom, or by being rightallofthetime.Areyouoneofthose peoplewho alwayswanttoberight?

Number four. Love andconnection. Resourcefully, wegain love and connection in aselflessmanner;it’sgenerosityof spirit, it complementsauthenticity,it’saservantheart,

it’s being open.Unproductively,it’sselfishnessand promiscuity, emotionalblackmail, being fake, beingsick and being thehypochondriac.

Number five is growth. Doneresourcefully, it’s learning,listening to others, andhavinga go, openness with an openmind. It’s not about judging,saying what you mean andmeaning what you say. Yourfeedback is constructive.

Negative growth is saying ‘Idon’tneedtolearnthat,Idon’tneed to know any more, I’vearrived already, and I know itall’. It’s stunted and repetitivegrowth.

Number six is contribution.Resourcefully, is about payingit forward. It’s giving back tocommunity. It’sgivingback toothers however you do that.Unproductively, it’s beingstingy towards yourself andothers and putting conditions

on when and how youcontribute,ifatall.

When it comes to the six coreneeds,lookatthemwithinyourlifeand notice where it can help youmove forward. Having thisawareness with yourself is afantastic way to understand yourown core needs and the way inwhichyouoperateintheworld.

CulDeSac

Iwasoutdrivingmycarontheway

toseeaclientoneday. I lookedupthe address on the navigator andrealised Iknewwhere Iwasgoing,so I turned the navigator off and Iproceeded tostartdriving.Halfwaythrough the journey, I decided totakea shortcut. I said,Yeah,maybethis would get me there a little bitquicker,alittlebitfaster.AsIturnedinto thisstreet, Ididn’tsee thesignthat said ‘No-thru road’. I turnedaroundandkeptdriving.However,Istarted to become lost in anunfamiliarpartoftown.AsIstartedcutting through some of the other

roadstozigzagmywayoutofit,itjustgotworst.

What actually transpired was thateveryroadIwentdownwasacourt,or in other words as we say inIreland, a cul-de-sac. It was a deadend. I spent 20 minutes driving inand out of these dead end courts,wasting time, which only startedadding to my growing frustrationandannoyance.IthinkaboutitnowandIlaugh,butwhatIrealisedfromametaphoricalpointofviewisthateventhoughyoumightknowwhere

you’re going, unless you have aclear path and follow it withoutdistraction, it’s going to cost you.Now,ifyou’vegottimeandyou’reokaywith doing that, great! If youdon’thave spare time, then stick tothe original plan. That’s why it’simportant to have goals— set thegoals and the outcomes and you’llgettogotowhereitisthatyouwanttogo,quicksmart.

Exercise4

Take a pen and paper and askyourselfthequestionsbelow:

Whatwillyourlifelooklikein30 years’ time if you continueonyourcurrentpath?

Whatdoesyourideallifelooklikein12monthsinthecontextofyourhealth?Yourwork?

What steps do you need toachievethis?Bywhen?

What if you accomplish allyour achievements? How will

youfeel?

Chapter8

Transitioning:ChampioninTransition

“Makeeverythingassimpleaspossible,butnot

simpler.”

—AlbertEinstein(1879-1955)

If we take nature and our weatherpatterns as an example, you’llnotice that the transition fromspringtosummerisverysmooth;itdoesn’thavetobehard.It’sactuallyquiteeasy,andthedifferenceinhow

youfeelwhenthetransitionhappensandthewarmweathercomesout ispalpable; the insects are alive andthebirds aremorevibrant.There’senergy,movement,andanticipationof what’s next. So, it stands toreasonthat itwouldbenodifferentas you move, leave or createanother career path.Sometimes it’sthe natural thing to do. What areyouwaitingfor,permission?

Every person I know wants morepeace, loveandabundance. It’s likewedon’t believewe canhave it—

yet, like most things in life, it’soften just under our noses. Have ascan through your life right nowfor all the abundance that alreadyexists,itseverywhere.

It’s the transitioning from whereyouare towhereyouwant tobe inlife, because I believemost peoplewant to be somewhere else. Whilethis appears as a sweepinggeneralisation it still saddens me,because it’s just not possible orpractical.It’ssoimportanttogoonthe journeywithin todiscoverwho

you are in your Silver Box. Tofigureoutwhatyoureallywantandstoplivinginquitedesperation.

Throughout, what I call the pre-transitioningphase,whichcanbe along time for some people, onlybecause people can copewith theircurrentlevelofpain,whichiswhyIsay people do more to avoid thepainthantohavethepleasure.Whenpeople considermaking anymajorchange, they usually focus on theproblems in the way. Fear-basedquestionscomeup like,Howwill I

support myself? What about myfamily What if I make the changeand it doesn’tworkout?These areallperfectlyreasonablequestionstoask yourself, and everyone has todeal with this phase — there’s noavoidingit.

It’s the mindset! The mindset ofwhatit’sgoingtobelikewhenyoumovebeyondtheseobstacles.Don’tallow your mind to becomeclouded; this focus on obstaclesdoesn’t help people transition, itonlykeepsyou stuck.Fromhere, I

encourage you to stay focussedfromthegetgo.Bynow,youknowyou’verealisedyou’vegotmassiveinternal resources.These resourcesarelikeamuscle;ifyoudon’tbuildthem, they’ll deteriorate. A weightonlyseemsheavy in relation to thestrengthofyourmuscles.Similarly,an obstacle only seemsdaunting inrelation to your personalresourcefulness.

I’ve seen many clients who havetransitioned inmany areas of theirlifeandcareer.Buttherearecertain

negative patterns that play out, andI’ve experienced them myself. Thebiggest one is attachment to yourold career and what you believe itgives you, such as a car, parking,expenses, title, status, etc. Anothernegative pattern is worrying aboutthe uncertainties ahead, which islikearockingchair—itgivesyousomething to do, but doesn’t getyou anywhere. If you’reconsidering a career transition, it’sunlikely your obstacles areexclusivetoyou.

Whatdetermines thosewho remainstuck or transition successfully? Ithas nothing to do with the size ofthe obstacles. People with everyadvantage, including money in thebank and abundant family support,stay stuck all the time, while thosewho seem tohave theodds stackedagainst them move through theobstacles as if they weren’t eventhere.

Inmyopinionthedifferenceis thatthose who successfully transitionseethemselvesasmorethancapable

ofovercomingtheobstaclesintheirway. Their internal dialogue andresources like courage, drive,commitment, and self-disciplinemake up for their lack of externalresources.

If theyneedmoremoney than theyhave, they find other ways to getwhat they need. If their familiesdon’t support them, they say, ‘Toobad, I’mdoing thiswithorwithoutyourhelp.’Idiscussthisfurtherandinmoredepth in chapter nine.Oneoftheotherthingstheydoisaccept

delayed gratification and findcheaper ways to live. I was on awebinar recently, and I’ll alwaysremember the very successfulbusinesswoman saying to theaudience, ‘Dowhat youhave to dotogetyourbusinessofftheground.Eatbeansforayearifyouhaveto’.

It’s always about the journey andnot the destination. Truth be told,you never really arrive when youtransition. If you are yet totransition, I applaud you forconsidering it, because it’s about

youchampioningyourself,backingyourself, believing in yourself.That’s themajormessage Iwant togive you in this chapter. Start toback yourself, start to understandyourself,howyouthink,butmostlystarttoseeyourresilience.Isaythisbecause if you’ve been doingsomethingyoudon’tlikeforalongtime, you’ve got that resourcewithinyouinspades.

Personal development plays amajor rolehere.Manypeoplehavetoldmetheyneverwouldhavebeen

able to succeed in making suchtransitions if they hadn’t put somuch effort into working onthemselves first. This includesbuilding focus, courage, andconfidence.When people reach thepoint of believing that their innerresources are strong enough tohandle the external obstacles, theygetmoving.Fast!

Happiness for people is different;happiness doesn’t necessarilyalwaysmeanthesamethingforthesamepeopleallthetime.Everybody

has their own view of their ownmap onwhat itmeans to be happy.So it’s important that you askyourself, What makes you happy?And forwhatpurposedoyouwanttobehappy?Ibelieveit’saninnateright for people to want to feelhappy. In fact, it’s amassivedriverfor people in their lives towant togetfromthesituationthey’reinintoa better situation. For me, that’swhetheryouderivehappiness fromit.

Many people think happiness is

external,andIwanttobustthatmythbysayingit’snotexternal!Youbuyanewcar—yes,thatwillmakeyouhappy for a short period of time,andthenyouwillhavethepleasureof driving it in a certain way. Buteventually that new car is going tobecomeanoldcar and thenyou’regoing to seek that happiness again,so you perpetuate the cycle, whichisexhausting.

Ihaveafriendwholikestosailandthe happiness for him is being onthe water; he loves this feeling. I

asked him one day what he lovedaboutsailingandhesaid,‘Itmeanspeaceandquiet,andyouonlyfocuson that one thing and you’re incontrolofoneobject, thatboat,butyou’renotincontrolofthewind,soitbringsthatsenseofunknownandvariety which for me is whatultimatelyitmeanstobehappy’.Soyousee,it’sdifferentforeveryone.

Whenyoustarttolookatyourlife,start to examine what makes youhappy.Noticethefeelings—wheredoyoufeelitinyourbody?Startto

examine what makes you happymoreoften, andwhenyouare ableto do that, you are able to makebetter choices about it. It’s reallyquitesimple.

If you think a problem like havingnomoneyin thebankorhavinganunsupportive family is enough tostop you from switching to thecareer of your dreams, recognisethat the real problem is that youbelieveyou’retooweaktodealwithit.Someoneelsewho’sstrongeronthe inside will look at your

problems and say, ‘You’re lettingthatstopyou?Whatawuss!Iknowa12-yearoldwhocouldhandlethateasily’.

Ifyoureallywanttoswitchcareers,step one is to go to your currentboss and say, ‘I quit.’ Prettycomplicated, eh? But for somepeople,merelyimaginingthisscenecreates an adrenaline surge. Onceyou’vetakenthatstepthough,you’llfigure out step two soon enough.Thisisadirect,guaranteedroutetoacareerchange.Peopledoitallthe

time. And believe it or not, itactuallyworks.

It’sinterestingthatweacceptthingsthatwebelievebecauseit’sbeenthatwayforalongperiodoftime.Stopaccepting the status quo withinyourselfandchallengeyourselfforwhat it is that you want to createmore of in your life. Right now,that’s happiness, because you willcultivate that happiness bypracticingit.Sohere’sthechallengefor you. Try being happy for 21days in a row! That’s three weeks,

every day. Challenge yourself,notice yourself, write it down inyour notepad, notice when you’renot happy and if you’re alreadyhappy, how do you improve thateven more? How do you lift thegame even higher to say I wantmore happiness? Try moregratitude from the insideout,whenyoucultivate it,youbecomeit,andyou create it so it becomessustainable,unfathomable,it’sneverending.

When you undergo amajor career

transition, be patient with yourself.When you meet resistance, takesteps to reduce or minimise theresistance instead of strugglingagainst it. Expect that the wayforward will not be immediatelyclear, but with constant andcontinuous steps it will return asyou’re moving in your newdirection. Managing your stateduringamajortransitionisalotofwork. However, you’ll agree thatthelong-termgainiswellworththeshort-termpain.Andyouwillcomeout the other side in amuch better

placethanifyoustaywhereyouarerightnow.So,what’sitgoingtobe?

Understand that the universe onlyknows how to say ‘yes’ to you, togive you what you want. So whenyou want to get clarity oncultivating, attracting andmaintaining the happiness, thenthat’s exactlywhat you’re going togetmoreof.Forme,that’sexciting,becauseitputsyouintothedriver ’sseat of creating the happiness inyourlife;youareincontrol.Iknowyourproblemsseembigtoyou,but

lots of people have already solvedessentially the same ones. You canfindbooksexplaininghowtheydidit. The physical step-by-stepsolutions are easy to come by, butthedownside is thatvirtually allofthem require a certain degree ofinner strength, courage, anddiscipline. I’m unapologetic.There’s no getting around that —like I said before, if you don’t getthe lesson, you’ll continue to havetheexperience.Finally,ifyoudon’thavethestrengthtosay,‘Enoughisenough’ to something you clearly

don’t want, then consider buildingthe strength sometime before youpassfromthisplanet,becauseIcanassure you that you will one daypass,andwhatyoudobetweennowandthenmatters.

TheTrueCrusaders

Children

I always love to take lessons frombeing around children. I see howchildren are ‘being’ — they’rehappy for the sake of being happy.

Ultimately, that’s how we’re born.Our natural state is to be happy. Ibelieve that we complicate theuncomplicated in life by makingthings difficult for ourselves, byplacing expectations on ourselvessuchas,IshoulddrivethatcarandIshould be in that career. There’ssomeimaginarytimelinethathasn’tbeen reached yet, a timeline by 42or 52 or 64 years of age orwhateverelse.

I hear people saying that theywantto get ready for their retirement in

their 20s — now, I’m notdisagreeing with that. I understandfinancialcompoundingandhowthesystemswork.WhatIamsayingis,perhaps have a view devoid offinancialfear.Noticewhatopensupthen.

For me, I don’t believe inretirement. I believe in re-tyring.Put new treads on, find somethingnew, move and groove! Reinventyourself; you’ve got no guaranteeyou’llmakeittoretirementanyway.I’mjustsaying, trybeinghappyon

thecrusadenow.Remember,you’reonlypassingthroughonthisplanet.Timethat’sspentonthisplanetgoesveryfastandyou’renotaroundfora long time. In fact, in the grandscheme of things, and when youlook at the age of the universe,you’rejustablip.Andhereyouare,filling this space where you don’twanttobehappy.Ichallengeyoutofillthatspacebybeinghappy,doingsomethingyoulove.

Chapter9

Family:SupportisEverywhere

“Thetruemeasureofamanishowhetreats

someonewhocandohimabsolutelynogood.”

—SamuelJohnson(1709-1784)

Family support is everywhere, andit’s really important on your questthat you have this support.Wheneveryou’regoingthroughtheprocess of change or you’re

changing careers and transitioning,it’s important to have supportaround you. The right support —most of which comes from thefamily unit. Most families’character is shown when there’s achange happening, and a lot ofpeople can experience fear whenthathappens.

There’s a belief out there that youhave to go it alone. I don’t knowanyonewho’sbeensuccessfulthat’sgone it alone — it’s just notpossible. You see, everyone wants

tobepartofsomethingbiggerthanthemselves. We can see this withsocialmedia,suchasLinkedIn,anddoing online micro lending onKiva.org. If they didn’t want to bepart of something bigger, whywould they be connected onLinkedIn and Facebook. IfFacebookwere a country, it wouldbe the fourth largest country in theworld.Andatlastcount,therewereclose to 10 million Australians onFacebook every day. That’s inexcessof40%ofthepopulation.Sowe want to be connected, and I

believe that connection is the coreof what it means to be a part of afamilyunit.

Therewillalwaysbecertainvaluesat play within the family dynamic,and at the top of the list forme istrust. Trust within family isessential. You’ve got to be able totalktoeachotherfreelyandopenlyand talk about what it is that youfearorwhatitisthatyou’reexcitedabout. If you don’t have trust inyour family, you don’t have it inyourself. I’ll discuss how to

cultivatethistrustfurtheron.

Your familyalsounderstandswhenyou’reatyourbestandwhenyou’reatyourworst.Theyknowhowyourmood pendulum swings. Chancesare, they know when to be aroundyouandalsowhennottobearoundyou. I remember as a kid workingout that it was best to ask dad forstuffonaTuesdayeveningbecausethat’swhenhegotpaidandwhenwedid the shopping. I still rememberhavethosepickledmusselsfromthelocal deli when we went into town

—whatatreat.

Influence

The really important thing here,especially with young children, isthat they’re actually learning fromyou. Adults are never notinfluencing children; they arealways learning fromus.What I’msaying is, keep them involved. Myown kids are always asking mequestions about projects I’mworking on; absolutely it disturbsme sometimes, but I also welcome

the break when a few stories andhugsareinvolved.Forme,theyaremy WHY; why I’m doing this.Familyisrightupthereatthetopofmy values. They learn so muchabout you because they see what’sinvolved. They’re going tounderstand the skills required andwhatittakestosucceed.Theygettosee it’s not a nine-to-five jobsometimes. They really get aninsight into what it takes for aperson to change their life,what ittakes to succeed, what it takes toturntheshiparoundifneedbe.Kids

also get to see and understand thetrialsandtribulationsthattherewillbeinvolved,theupsanddowns,andthatit’sokaytofail.Kidsaresmart;theyknowwhat’sgoingon.Validatethem,teachthem,bringthemonthejourneywithyou,asyouwill learnasmuchfromthemastheydofromyou. That’s how you cultivate trustwithinyourfamilyunit.

I remember reading a book byRobertKiyosaki.Hetellsastoryinthebookabouthisrichdadbuyingahousenearthebeachwhenhewasa

kid. His rich dad really couldn’tafford it,but thesecretwas thathisbusiness could. This kind oflearning that Robert Kiyosaki hadearly on in his life really allowedhim to grow and understandbusinesswhenhestartedtobecomeabusinessmanwithhugeearnings.

Family is also a place where youcan let your emotions fly.You canlaugh a lotmore and you can alsoyell a lotmore. Sometimes, familycan get to bemore emotionalwithyou than perhaps non-family

people. The ability to be fearlesslyand emotionally honest andvulnerablecanhelpyoutothriveinwhat it is that youwant to achieve.LetmebeclearthatI’mnottalkingabout being abusive, ordisrespectful; I’m impressing uponyou the power of being vulnerableinsideyourfamilyunit.

CrossingOver

Some really great things can comeabout down the track with yourfamily as you grow in your life;

you might even find yourself in abusiness on day where you’ll beabletobringotherfamilymembersacross—dreambig!Research hasshown that when it comes tochanging a career, having thesupport of family and friends isinvaluable. It’s almost like they’rechampioningyou.Itcanactuallybea really important weapon in yoursuccess. That encouragement andsupport of your family and closefriends is clearly a key factor inbuildingyourmomentumandyourconfidence; there’s nothing worse

than a family member whosejealousyrisestothesurfacebecauseyou are doing what they won’t.Don’t settle for mediocrity —there’senoughofthatoutthere.It’sthis confidence that can lead tosuccess as you start to ease anyperceived pressure in yourtransition and begin to kick someseriousgoals.

If you believe that your familydoesn’twant to gowith you, showyour family the way! Don’t tellthem about the way if you’re not

serious about stepping up, becauseit’simportantforthemtoknowthatyou’re 100% committed to thisjourney. You owe it to them torespect the situation. Let themexpress their emotions of fear.They’re just as terrifiedasyouaresometimes.Therealsosteppingintotheunknown.But thegoodnews isthat it becomes less and less scaryas you take action and moveforward. If your family is still notsupporting you, then there’s aquestion you need to ask yourself.Your family is a reflection on you

on some level, so the question canbeflippedtogiveyousomeinsight.Can you support yourself evenmore than what you are doing?Somethingelsetogetcuriousabout.

SupportSystems

Ask for support.This is the easiestwaytofindit!Getoutofyourheadand into your heart, bring someauthentic vulnerability. Just askpeople and show your aspirations.Show them what you want toachieve and how you’re planning

and mapping it out. Ask yourfriends and family, because thoseclose to you are probably yourbiggestfans.They’llchampionyou.Remember,theymaynotknowwhatyou want all the time, so it’simportantthatyoutelltheminplainEnglish.

I know firsthand from runningmarathons that having that kind ofencouragementgavemealiftwhenI needed it themost, asmy energywas beginning to wane. My wifewould drive to each of the ten

kilometremarkersandcheermeonwithwordsofencouragement,Istillget goose bumps thinking about itnow; I can’t begin to tell you howamazing itwas tohave thatkindofsupport.It’sverypowerfulandveryunderutilised.

Understand that there are manysupport systems out there for you.Have you considered hiring acoach?Acoachissomebodywho’sunbiased, has no emotional buy inand who can guide you. They willbe one of your biggest support

systems.They take careofkeepingyou focussed, providing you withbothpositiveandnegativefeedback.Sometimes you need that honestpain in the feedback to help youpush you further when you thinkyou’ve had enough. They alsounderstand what you’re goingthroughandarecompletelyinvestedin you for your personal success.They are ultimately championingandsupportyou.

The first time I engaged a ‘lifecoach’, Iwasn’t surewhat Iwas in

for,butItrustedthatIhadmadetherightdecision.ItwasadarktimeinmylifeandIknewsomethinghadtochange, and it wasmost likelyme.AtthetimeIdidn’thavethetoolstomake thehuge shifts Iwas lookingfor, but after working with mycoach, my life started to changefrom the insideout, andyourswilltoo.

Surroundyourselfwithpeoplewhoprovide the pillars for greatsupport. Surround yourself withlike-minded people. They’ll

encourage you and cheer you ontothe finish line. Peoplewant to helppeoplewhoaremakingadifferencein their own and others’ lives. Aperfect example is if you’ve beenrunning 10k for a long time now,sixortwelvemonths.Wouldn’titbetimeforyoutochangetoadifferentrunning group and perhaps step itup and moving towards running ahalfmarathon?Pushyourselfoutofyourcomfortzone;it’scomfortablein there, but nothing grows thereandit’snotreallythatsafeaplacetobein.Pushingatthecomfortzoneis

growth and development. AlbertEinstein said thatwhen it comes tofamily, rejoice with them in thebeautiful land of life. When itcomes to trust and the supportmechanismsinthefamily,that’sthespace where you can open upwithout ridicule or fear aboutwhatitis,orwhatyou’redoing,orwhatyou’re trying to achieve.The thingis, you’ve met hundreds, if notthousands, of people in yourjourney. That means that you havehadasmuchasaneffectonthemasthey’vehadonyou.

FindaMentor

There are always a handful ofpeople that have had a greaterinfluenceonyou; forexample,andat the time I didn’t realise it, mygrandmother loved meunconditionally.Itwasn’tuntilIwasolder that I realisedwhat agift shegaveme.Whenwewereyoung,wewouldgoandvisitherbecausesheworkedfortheFriarypriests,whichwas basically a small hotel forpriests that she ran. She workedthere as the head cook, and I

rememberwalking intoherkitchenand being enveloped by thesumptuous smells of freshly bakedbreads, pastries, roast meats andother amazing foods. I would seethe produce and the teams in herkitchens, and it inspired me at averyearlyagetobecomeachef.Mygrandmotherwasmymentor—sheinspired me. Have a look aroundyour life and seewho has inspiredyou in your life — have youexpressedgratitudetothem?

I hadmanymentors along theway

that encouraged me to travel andwork overseas, which is how Ifound Australia. That was awonderful thing about thecorrelationofbeingachefearlyoninmy career and having a love offood; this also helped me with theconnection of my family becausewe loved to gather as family andenjoy the food and celebrate eachother.

Personally, I love mentoring andcoaching people to help them toreachtheirtruepotential.Torealise

that they’re capable of so muchmore thanwhat they thinkpossible.There’s a massive amount of joyand satisfaction watching peopleaspire, grow and move towardstheir goals and actually achievetheirgoals,andsharingthatjourneywith them.Mostly it’s about seeingwhotheybecomeonthatjourney.

Why does it matter that you arementored?Becauseanyonewhohasdone anything extraordinary withtheir liveshasatsomestageusedamentor. The best athletes,

politicians, and now increasinglybusiness and career people, use amentor.More andmore companiesare starting to use mentoringprograms to build, grow, sustaintheir knowledge and bringeconomical growth. The simpletruth is, you will get results fasterbyhavingamentor.

However, there are a fewdistinctionsandrulesIwanttosharewith youwhen it comes to findingandkeepingamentor.Firstly,whatismentoring?Andwhatisitnot!

Mentoring is a developmentalpartnership through which oneperson shares knowledge, skills,information, and perspective tofosterthepersonalandprofessionalgrowth of someone else. It is notabout power, gossip or cliques,givingsolutionsorassessmentortofindan‘answermachine’.

There are also certain rules to thegameofmentoring,listedbelow.

1. TheMentormustbewillingtowork with you! They

understand it’s a ‘two waystreet’,buttheyarethementor,always.

2. Respect the Mentor. They aregivinguptheirtimetobewithyou; show them the courtesythey deserve. They are whereyouwanttobe.

3. Bringanopenmind!Neversayto your mentor, ‘Oh, I couldnever do that’ or, ‘That’s notme’. That’s a closed mind;mentors don’t work withclosed-mindedpeople.

4. Respect their time; don’t turnup late, and don’t do a ‘noshow’ out of embarrassment.Soundssimple,butpeoplestilldo it. Turn up, and if you arelate, apologise and beprofessionalaboutit!

5. Come prepared, be clear. Ifyouhavesomeresearchtodo,then show up with it. Have aclear intention aboutwhat youwant you want to achieve.Nothing loses a mentor ’sinterest quicker than someone

unpreparedfortheirmeeting.

6. Do what they ask. As long asit’sethical,justdoit;meetwiththat person, do that course,read that book.Theymight betesting you to see if you’reserious—justdoit!

7. Never ask for the next stepsuntil you’ve done all this!Never say, ‘And thenwhat?’ Ifyou do all of the above, yourgrowth and the relationshipwith your mentor willskyrocket; this leads to doors

being opened and trust beenforgedamongstprofessionals.

At theendof thischapter there isamodelling exercise for you to dowhich explains how tomodel yourmentor.Trythisfor21daysandseewhathappenswithyourresults.

Matriarch

MymothervolunteeredfortheRedCross for 25 years in Ireland. Shegotmeinvolvedataveryearlyageand, even though I’ve lived in

Australiafor20years,therearestillpeople that I’m in touchwith fromback then and who’ve becomelifelong friends. My mum washigherupinthenon-commissionedranks;Ilearnedalotfromheraboutdiscipline, teamwork andleadership. Iwill always remembertherobustconversation thatwehadaroundthetablewhenitcametothechallenges that leadership brings. Ialso learned how to handle myselfincertainsituationswhenitcametoemergencies; even back then,inadvertently, the training was on

howtohandlemystate.Mymotherwas probably harder on me thaneverybody else because she had tohave that equal hand across theboard.Otherwise,shewouldnotberespected in her role. James Allensays that ‘The dreamers are thesaviours of the world and thevisible world is sustained by theinvisible.Somen, throughall theirtrials and sins and sad vocations,are nourished by the beautifulvisions of their solitary dreamers’.That’sreallyimportant,becauseit’syou sustaining your dream that’s

going togetyou towhere it isandsucceed.

I’m a strong believer that in doingsomething that you enjoy andyou’re passionate about will keepyou motivated. And when yourfamilyandyoursupportersseethatyou’re doing that, they’re going toknow that you love what you do.They’re going to know that youwanttoachievethosedreams,thoseaspirations, and why you’re doingit.

We’ve often heard that if it’s goodathome,it’sgoodeverywhereelse.Just remember, it’s important thatyou’re going to have challenges. Iknow that a lot of the time peoplewant things to happen overnight,but, the thing is, it doesn’t happenovernight.It’simportantthatyou’repatientandyou’rekindtoyourself,andthatyou’reallowedtounfold.Isee so many people wanting todrink from the firehose,andwhenyou drink from the fire hose, weknowwhathappenswiththat.

Justrememberthatyou’regoingtobecreatingwealththroughwhatyoudo. The people I meet who arewealthyallhaveonecommon trait.They all have a strong sense of‘family’,andthatcanbeintheformofcommunityandfriends.Theyallrun their own businesses. As youstart to get results, the importantthingisthatyoukeeptakingaction;the more you do that, the moresupport you’re going to havearound you. However, the mostimportant support is what you’regoingtohavewithinyou.

HowToModelExercise5

Decide which behaviour youwant to replicate. Simplydecide an area of your lifewhich you want to change orimproveinsomeway.

Once you have decided whatyou want to change, findsomeone who is getting theresultsyouwant.

Observe them when they areactually engaged in thebehaviour you want toreplicate. Become them asmuch as you can be throughthis observation. (YouTube,TedTalks,etc.)

You will now have lots ofinformation, but you will beunsure what is valuable in theobserved behaviour and whatisrelevant.

Nowtakeouteachaspectoftheperson’s behaviour to findout

whether it makes a differencetotheresultsyouget.Ifitdoes,keepitasessentialtothemode.Ifnot,discardit.

Analysewhatyouhavelearnedso you can replicate it aswellasteachittoothers.

Chapter10

Maintenance:PhysicalandMental

“IfindthattheharderIwork,themoreluckI

seemtohave.”

—ThomasJefferson(1743-1826)

Earlyoninmycareer, Ispenta lotof time working for differentpeople in large environments,particularly five-star hotels. I hadthis one particular chef and Ilearnedalotfromhimabouttaking

careofmyselfandmaintainingbothmyphysicalandmentalneeds.

Just like a car, the human body isprone to breaking down if it’s notlooked after. You can’t have a carandexpect todrive itendlesslyandnot have something happen;eventuallythebelt’sgoingtogooryou’re going to run out of petrol.Humanbeingsareexactlythesame.Sowhat are you doing tomaintainandlookafteryourself?

My old executive chef in the hotel

hadaverystressfuljob;millionsofdollarsturnoverpermonth,alargebrigade of chefs, and he wasphysicallyinthebusinessworkingaminimum 12 hour day. One day, Iaskedhimhowhekept his staminaupandhowhemanagedhimself.Heturned tome and said, ‘I take careof myself physically outside ofwork — I go swimming twice aweek — and I also have a socialoutlet once amonth where I go totheSwissClub’.HeplayedmusicintheSwissClub,andthathelpedhimkeep his connections and maintain

his sanity! He also toldme that hewas involved in other clubs, inparticular the executive chefassociation for networking andsocialising. So you see, it’s notalwaysphysical.Whatallthismeantwas that he kept his connections,kept and improved his workperformance, and was able to takebetter care of himself, which alllinkedbacktohismaintenance.

Benefits

There are a lot of benefits as you

grow and develop, in particularmentally.Now,thereareacoupleofgoodtipsyoucandototakecareofyourself.One simpleone that I seewithpeoplewhoworkincontrolledenvironmentsisthattheydon’tlookafter their hydration by drinking alot ofwater. The body needs to beconstantly hydrated because allfunctions of the body happenthroughwater, and when hydrationispresent, life tends to flowa littlebiteasier.Ittendstolubricatethingsandwhen it’snot,youget fatigued,headaches and cravings. Low

energy can also be contributed todehydration, triggering a need orwant for simple carbohydrates intheformofrefinedsugar.

If you’re not functioning at yourbest, a good rule of thumb is toconsume at least 500 mll of waterupon waking in the morning. Iadvocatethis,asitreallyhasmadeahugedifferencetomythinkingfirstthing in the morning. Yes, have acoffee later on, but have the waterand rehydrate first, because thekidneys and the liver have been

working really hard through thenight.Duringtheday,tryforatleast2litresofwater,whichisn’tahugeamount—Iknowsomepeoplewhodrink anywhere from 2 to 3 timesthat amount. Although this maysoundsimpleandfamiliar,consideritatimelyreminder.

55-5

Exercising daily is absolutelyessential because the human bodyhas been designed to move. Inmodern day living, I see people

whoaresedentaryatadeskalldayandthencomehomeintheeveningand are exhausted because theyhaven’t drunk any water. They’redehydrated, they sit on the couch,and their joints tighten and overtime they become inflexible andunfit.Try this simple routine—55and5.Workfor55minutesandthenget up and move around for 5minutes.Youcouldjustdoacoupleof sit-ups, push-ups, or somestretching.Inastandard8hourday,that’s 40 minutes of consciousmovement.

Iron

I love lifting weights. I startedgettingintoweightsinmyearly30s.This was sparked by a trip to thedoctor; I had had a headache fordays and wasn’t feeling so good.The prognosis wasn’t good. Thedoctorsaid,‘Yourbloodpressure’sreally high, John’.Looking back, Iwas working hard, building ahouse, and my diet wasn’t exactlymy focus. My cholesterol cameback and it was high as well. Thedoctor said, ‘I want to put you on

medication’. I said, Okay, fairenough. I asked, ‘How long will Ineed to take it for?’ Iwas shockedwhen he replied, ‘Most likely forthe rest of your life’. I have to tellyou, that knocked me hard when Iheardhimsayingthat.Iimmediatelymadethedecision,rightthere,thatIwasgoingtoreducemybodymassandgetfit.

It tookmeabout8months to reachmygoalof62kg,downfrom85kg.Subsequently, I started runningmarathons.Ilearnedaboutmybody,

I started to research, and as youknow what you focus on grows. Iattained a Certificate III and IV inpersonal training, because Iwantedto understand and totally immersemyself.Youcannotlearnalanguageby reading about it. You learn alanguageby immersingyourself init. You don’t learn to swim byreading a book; you have toimmerseyourselfintothewater.

RulesofThumb

As you’re going along your

journey, it’s important to have alook at what you’re doing tomaintain yourself physically andmentally. If you’re stressed or ifyou’reworkingreallyhardandnottaking care of yourself, you canstart to damage your telomeres.Whatare‘telomeres’?ThesearethecapsattheendofyourDNAstrandsthat keep them from fraying. Youslowlylosetheseasyouagebynottakingcareofyourselfmentallyandphysically;youstarttospeeduptheerosionprocessandage.Ifyoufeelthat you’ve been out of control,

chances are you’re damaging yourhealth on a cellular level, and it’sreallyimportanttobringawarenessto this.Start tohavea lookatyourdiet, at what you’ve been eating.Sometimes when we want a sweetcraving, we actually want somerefinedsugars.It’swell-documentedthat these sugars have caused a lotoftheobesityepidemic,particularlywithin Australia. Not only does itcause weight gain, it elevates yourrisk of heart disease and diabetes.Start to think about eating non-processed foods. As a rule of

thumb, if it comes out of a box,generally it’s processed food. Startto minimise these types of foods.The crusaders didn’t have theluxury of shopping for their foodsandwerestrong,leanandmusculareven though they ate less. Start toeat, drink water and think like acrusader for optimum health andphysicalmaintenance.

Hugo&Me

I’manavidrunnerand,havinghadmany marathons and short runs

undermybelt, it’s something that Iconsidered tobe avital part ofmywellbeing. Not just physicalwellbeing, but mentally, on thosedays when you’re worked up orstressed, when you’ve beenstretched in some waymentally orphysically. It’s agreatway to ‘ironoutthekinks’.Recently,my6-year-old son said to me, “Dad, can Icomewithyou?”andnosoonerhadI thoughtabout it,his runnerswereonandhewasreadytogo.Isaidtomyself, ‘Hmm, okay, well what’sthe objection here?’ And I realised

thattherewasnonebecauseitwasabeautiful evening, my six year oldsonwanted tocomewithme, and Isaid,’Sure,whynot?’.

What I loved about this is that mysonsaid‘yes’andworkedouthow.He had no idea how far we weregoing,how fastwewould run, andnoideawhattheweatherwaslike—it didn’tmatter, he just said, IwanttocomewithyouandI’mgoingtodo it. Now, it’s that single-mindedness thatwe see in childrenthat reminds me that they are our

teachers.

MylittleboyHugoranwithmefora solid 25 minutes, which wasalmost3km.Granted,we stoppedalittle bit here and there, but thewhole time he was chatting to meabout the birds, cars and school. Ithoughttomyself,He’sonly6yearsof age, and I just discovered mynew running partner. That’s thereally great thing about kids.They’re not so concerned with thedetails, the idiosyncrasies that weneed to understand before we take

action. None of that mattered tohim;he justwanted togoona runwith me. I think that’s a reallyvaluable insight — a lot of adultswant everything to line up firstbeforetakingthesteps.

Theconfidenceisnotgoingtoturnup, it’s not going to arrive in thepost; it happens after you startdoing something. It’s really awonderful thing to take the lessonsfrom children that we forget asadults,becauseaschildrengrowupthey tend to take on the traits of

adults. How many times have youheard people saying ‘Act yourage’?Well, I don’t agreewith this,and I hope my children will stayyoungofmindandheartforaslongas possible, because they continueto teach me ways to expand myworld.

I inviteyou toaskyourself,Wheream I not seeing the insights?Whereaboutsareyounotpausingtosee the ‘signposts’ that you’regetting fromyourchildren, friendsortheenvironmentaroundyou?It’s

atleastworththinkingabout.

Chapter11

TrueVulnerability:TheSoftSpot

“Whenyouareoldandgrayandfullofsleep,andnoddingbythefire,takedownthisbookand

slowlyread,anddreamofthesoftlookyoureyeshadonce,andoftheir

shadowsdeep.”

—WilliamButlerYeats(1865-1939)

True Vulnerability: Balls on the

Line

Recently, I was dropping off mydaughteroffatday-care; theowneratthetimewasaclient.Forthesakeof identities, I’llcallhimBob.AsIwalkedin,Isaid,Howareyou?Andhe says, ‘Yeah, I’m fantastic’. Thefunnythingis,hiswifewalkedpastin that moment and she said, ‘No,he’s not all right!’ I said, ‘What’sgoing on, Bob?’ He replied, ‘I’mnot well. I want to share this withyou, though I’m slightlyembarrassed’.Hesaidthathe’s‘got

a swollen testicle’.As his coach, itwas important for me to have nobuyintohisissue,oranyclientforthat matter. I said,Wow, is it yourrightoneoryourleftone?‘It’smyrightone’. I knew fromexperiencethat somethingwas going on here,so I trustedmy intuition andbeganto explain a possible scenario tohim.Well,Isaid,‘Fromamasculinepointofview,themasculineenergyisontherightsideandthefeminineenergy is on the left side. You useyour masculine energy on yourrighthandside;that’syourwarrior,

so your right hand is where youhold a swordwhenyou’re fightingfor something’. I then said to him,‘So, where are you putting yourballsontheline?’Hegoes,Whatdoyou mean? I said, ‘Somewhere inyour life right now, you’re puttingyour balls on the line and it’sshowingupexternallybecauseyourtesticle isswollen.Sosomething todowithfearisgoingonhereinthebackground. There’s a diseasewithin you and that disease withinyou is probably fear, showing upfrom the internal realm to your

external realm, which is yourtesticle.That’swhat’sgoingon’.

From that, he said, You’ve got tocome into the office withme. Andhe continued, ‘John, I’m going totellyousomethingthatI’venottoldanyone. We’ve actually sold ourbusiness; we’re out of here in twoweeks’ and I’m selling my home.I’malsosellingallofmyassetsandI’m going to be running for stateelections’. Okay, this was for real;‘You are putting your balls on theline.’ This was his way of

expressingtruevulnerability.

Atthat,hejustburstintotears.Thiswas a man who was backinghimself. He’s putting it all on thelineforhisdream,he’ssteppinguptobemore thanwhathe isbecausehewantsmorefromhislife—thattakes courage,. And that’s what itmeans to step up to be theman; tostepupbecauseheknowshewantsto be more. He’s got a biggercalling.

So I satwithhim forwhat felt like

an eternity, just holding the spaceand being present. I had a choice.Am I his friend?Or am I going tobe the coach.Of course, I chose tobe the coach. I said, ‘Well, rightnow,whodoyouneed tobe?’Andthen he said to me, ‘I need to becourageous, I need to be brave.’ Isaid, ‘That’s right. How about youchoosetobebrave?Howaboutyouchoose to be courageous?’ And Isaid tohim, “What’syour ‘why’ inallof this?WhyareyoudoingthisBob?” He said, ‘I want to helppeople more than I want to help

myself. I want a bigger stage toassist people, and I can’t do thathere’.Itwasthatsimple,andIgotitbecausehespoke from theheart. Ifyour why is big enough, the howwilltakecareofitself.

I cancelled everything and spent afew hours with him serving him,and as an NLP practitioner I didwhat’s called collapsed anchor andinstalled some positive resources.He leftmewith a better feeling ofwhere he was and what was goingon for him. I saw him a few days

later and, even though hewent andgethimselfcheckedbyadoctor,hesaid that within hours the swellinghadlessened.Sosometimes,you’vegot to find yourself; start bysearching inyourSilverBox ifandwhen you’re putting your balls ontheline,metaphoricallyspeaking.

When it comes tovulnerability, it’simportant that you have a look inyour life. Nobody’s ever going totell you tobevulnerable; nobody’severgoingtotellyouhowtodoit.It’s about having a look at it,

understandingit.Inorderforyoutoaccelerateandgrowinyourlifeandreally start to move forward,you’ve got to be learning aboutyourself. You’ve got to be able tohavealookatwhatitmeansforyouto grow and develop, because ifyou’re lost, and all of this is notgoing to plan, you’re not going tohave a positive experience of whatvulnerabilitytrulyis.Youcan’t‘do’it,youmust‘be’it.

IKnowYou

I’vealwaysfound it interesting thateven though, you’ve knownsomebody for a long time,sometimes you might actually notknowwhat’sgoingoninhimorherinanemotionalsense.WhatImeanbythatisthatI’vehadafriendwhoI’ve known for 20 years whileliving in Australia, and I noticedover the years that he’d wear hisjacketallthetime,evenonhotdays.It didn’t make sense. And manytimeshe’dcomeroundtomyhouseandwouldnevertakehisjacketoff.It became a running joke— ‘Take

your jacket off, you’remaking theplacelookuntidy’.

Healwaysfeltandlookedalittlebituncomfortable. Knowing what Iknownowabouthumanbehaviour,Istarted having a conversation withhim one day because he startedgetting into personal training and Isaid to him, ‘What’s going on,mate? I’ve noticed that you’veactually started taking your jacketoff’. And he said, “Isn’t thatinteresting—formostofmylifeIwouldn’ttakemyjacketoffforfear

of being judged.” He said that hehad always had a body imageproblem.

Unconsciously I was shaking myhead, and I said, ‘You?’ I mean,we’re not talking about somebodywho was grossly overweight here;he was just a normal guy and heused toplaya lotof squashandhestilldoesa lotof sailing, sohe’saveryfitguy.Andhesaidthathewasneverhappywithhisbodyandhowhelookeduntilhestartedhavinganopportunity to get some coaching.

He told me that I put him ontosomebody by accident and that ithelped him move forward from. Ihadalotofempathyinthemomenthesharedthiswithme.Ihadhadnoidea. What I did realise in thatmoment was that none of us arealone, and the more we have theopportunity to speak about it, toopenupand talkabout it,whateverthat is, the more we can moveforward. Really, for me, this bookis about helping people to moveforward, to connect, to see thatthey’renotalone,toknowthatwhen

they read these words, that they’reconnecting with me through whatI’veexperiencedandstoriesthatI’mgoing to share,especially from theheartspace.

UncomfortableVulnerability

I was presenting a talk recently onvulnerability in the workplace andhow you can do it elegantly in thecorporate sector. Iwas sharing thatwhen men and women in thecorporatesector30-50yearsofage,they start to question, Is this what

my career is about? They went toschool, picked a career, went touniversity for that career, and thenare expected to work 40-45 yearsuntilretirementandthendie!What’shappeningisthatmenarestartingtonoticethatthat’snotwhattheyreallywant to do. Their dialogue is, I’vegot the money, I’ve got the house,I’vegot theholidayhouse,I’vegotthe cars, but they have a donut intheirchest!Ahole theydon’tknowhowtofill.

We put certain labels on this and

callit‘mid-lifecrisis’.Idon’tseeitas amid-life crisis; I just see it aspeople having to re-evaluate, lookatwheretheyareandwhattheywanttoachieve.Furthermore,inthetalkIwasgiving,Iwasspeakingaboutanagreement that I have in mycontracts,andaparticularpersoninthenetworking—whowaslistedasa lawyer— happened to say, ‘Areyoufullycoveredfortheliabilityofhugging clients?’ It elicited a goodlaugh amongst the crowd. ‘Bob, IgivehugstoallmyclientsforfreebecauseIbelievethatit’slovethat’s

the glue that holds it all together.There isonly love—allelse isanillusion’. I went onto say, ‘You’renext,Bob! I’mactuallygoing tobegivingyouahug!’Immediately,hishe went bright red; he clearlybecame physically veryuncomfortable. Members of thegroup commented on howuncomfortable he was, as to thepoint where he was fidgeting andhis eyes were fixated on the door.He undoubtedly didn’t enjoy beingvulnerable.

DoingvsBeing

I spent many, many yearswondering what I should be doingandwhereI’mgoing.I’vehadgoodjobs and was paid well, but therewas a niggling feeling deep downthat I had to be doing somethingmore. I wasn’t quite sure what itwas. I was turning up every day,doing a bit every day towards mygoals, and when you build up amomentum in doing something,you think that’s who you are. Butit’s not who you are — it’s what

you’reactuallydoing.

Iseealotofpeoplewhoarehumandoings and not human beings. So,whatisitthatyouwanttobedoing,becausea lotofpeoplearewaitingfor Friday. They can’t wait forFriday to come along! Or, I seepostsonFacebooksaying,‘Oh, it’sWednesday, welcome to humpweek’. I look at that and think, ‘Iused tobe like that!’And,onsomelevel, it saddens me. They try tomake it to the weekend and theyapproach it with a kind of

desperation,likethey’vegottohavefunandthey’vegottocramasmuchaspossible in,because they feel soawful at how the week has gone.They’re cramming it all in onSaturday and Sunday because theyknow they’vegot togoback to theworkplace on the followingMonday.

To me, that’s just crazy — it’s acrazywaytolive!There’safearof,‘I’mnotenough!’There’safearofself-sabotage, there’s fear in thereof wanting tomake the impossible

possible, but yet when you look atthe word impossible, it’s actuallygot,‘I’mpossible’inthere,andyouarepossible!

Seeingthisfear,lookingthefearinthe face, that can be scary. I knowSusanJeffersinherbook,‘FeeltheFear and Do It Anyway’, wasanothersharpturningpointinme.Iwouldhavebeen36-37when Iwasreading that book, and I rememberthat fear and thinking, ‘Wow, whathaveIletholdmeback?’

Iwasamemberofanorganisationand I always thought it would becooltobethepresident,butIneverwent for it because I didn’t think Iwas good enough, professionalenoughorsmartenough.So,whatIdidwas I realised that itwasa fearthat was holding me back on somanylevels;itcomesfromthepast.Almost 65%of our fears are frompast experiences. The past doesn’thavetoequatetothefuturethough!Itdoesn’thavetobethesame;yourfuture does not have to be dictatedby your past. That is a very

liberatingthingtounderstand.

When you start to move past yourvulnerability, which is partly fear,you start to get that personalgrowth. You get that momentum;you start to get attracted to booksyouwanttoread,seminars,perhapsworkshops.

So how are you going to startmovingforward?Here’satip:makeasign,putitupinyourmirror,putit on post-it notes on the fridge,bathroom, the room you go into

every day— I’ve got post it notesall over my computer. Pictures,visionboards…Iwantyoutowritedown all your fears, write downwhenyou think about vulnerability.What is it about your fears? Startexamining your fears, because it’sjust a belief, and a belief is just aconvenientwayoffindingevidenceto make something real. It’s notreal! It’s not! It exists in your headandyoumadeitreal.Itdoesn’texistanywhere else; it’s got notangibility. If I said to you rightnow, ‘Banana!’ you can envisage a

yellow banana with all the stripes.You can see it; you can probablyeventasteandsmellthebanana.Butthebananaexists inyourhead, andthat’sthepowerofwhatitmeanstomovepastyourfearofvulnerabilityandstartslayingthedragon.

Inactualfact,vulnerabilityisscary!Butfrommyexperience,whenyoustarttoembracethatfearitbecomesa very powerful and authentic waytolive.Inherbook,‘Daringgreatlyhow the courage to transform thewaywelive,love,parentandlead’.

Dr Brene Brown states, thatvulnerability,atitscore,isallaboutthe heart, and it’s the centre ofmeaningful human experiences.Uncertainty and risk and emotionalexposure is basically whatvulnerabilityisabout.

Think about the vulnerability ittakes to love someone. Yourhusband or your wife, your kids,yoursiblings.Inactualfact, loveisvery much filled with uncertainty.And it’s filled with risks — thereare no guarantees. The person that

youlovemaynotloveyoubackonthe same level, and it’s the same inyour job. Perhaps the job that youlove may not love you back thesameway.

It’s just the other side of the coin,and there may be people that youloveinyourlifeforalongtimeorthere might not. They might befantastically loyal to you in therelationship or they might practicepromiscuity and you lose the trustand therefore you lose therelationship.Sovulnerabilityforces

you embracing the unknown withuncertainty.

A perfect example is the work thatI’m doing in this book; there’s acertainvulnerability in thatbecauseI want to share my thoughts, myideasandmyinsightstotheworld.Idon’t know how it’s going to bereceived; itmightbeappreciated, itmight be laughed at, it might bedownright ridiculed.Heck, itmightbe criticised! And that’s okay,because for me it’s important towalkthewalkandtalkthetalk.

Hopefully this allows other peopleto learn some lessons and allowthem to move forward.Vulnerabilityisnottheeasiestthingto do, and that for me is why Iwanted to have a chapter about it.What can make it even harder arethe assumptions that people haveabout how they should bevulnerable.Most people don’t haveconversationsaboutvulnerabilityinthe workplace, in the career or intheir relationships. Sometimes theyonlyknowhow tobevulnerable atcertain times when things are

difficult in their lives; it’s almostlike they need permission when acrisiscomesalong.

Vulnerability for me is not aboutweakness. The best leaders that Iknow of know how to drop theirguard,knowhowtotakethearmouroff,becausewearingthisarmourallthe time is exhausting. And thefunny thing about vulnerability isthatwelovethatothersareopenandhonest with us, but when it comestime for us to be open and honest,we quietly freak out; we suddenly

perceive it as a sign of weakness.Wecringe.

Sowhydoweloveandenjoyotherpeople being vulnerable? Forexample, you might see somebodyon stage who is talking about adifficult situation — they’re beingvulnerableandyourhuman instinctwantsyoutoreachoutandhelpthatperson. But we go and say toourselves,Icouldneverdothat!

However,beingvulnerableconnectsuswithothers.Itopensthepathway

to experience more positiveemotions like love, creativity andjoy, and having empathy notsympathy.Empathyisunderstandingwhat the other person is goingthrough, and I believe that’s whatconnects us as human beings. Ifyou’realeader,you’vegottoknowhow to drop your guard.WhenDrBrown asked her researchparticipants to finish a sentence,‘vulnerability is…?’, a lot of thereplies that people came up wereabouttryingsomethingnew,puttingyourself out there to be ridiculed,

and being scared of something.Vulnerability really sounds liketruth. It’s courage in its purestessence.

I hear people saying, I don’t dovulnerability.I’vehadconversationswithpeopleaboutvulnerabilityandopeningupanddroppingtheguard.Lifeisvulnerable.Lifecanbequiteunsafe.Andwhat Imeanby that is,whendrivingthecardowntheroad,the only thing dividing you fromanother person travelling at 100kman hour the freeway in the other

direction is justa thin,dottedwhiteline in themiddle of the road.Youhave to trust that other person isgoingtodotherightthing.

In some respects, it’s almost likeRussianroulette!Thatvulnerability.So being vulnerable isn’t a choicewehavetomake;rather,thechoiceis how we respond when theelements of vulnerability show uporcomeupwithinus.

Brown says that when things aregoing well in your life. For

instance, if something really goodhashappenedatwork—you’vegota new contract and you’re quitehappyandexcited—allofasuddenthere’s this wave of, ‘Oh mygoodness, I’m going to screw thisup, what if all of this falls over?’This isn’t how it’s supposed to begoing. Perhaps a belief of I’m notgoodenoughcreepsin.

All of a sudden, the joy andsensationthatyouhadcollapsesandfalls away because you end upclamping down on that feeling of

joy and happiness. It’s about herethatyouseethatpeoplepullashieldback up in front of them and theypull their sword out and defend,because their vulnerability isbringingthatweaknessbackin.

Vulnerabilityisactuallysharingourfeelings and experiences withpeoplewhohaveactuallyearnedtherighttohearwhatitisthatyouwantto talk about. Vulnerability is notsomething that you just want toshare with anybody… they’ve gotto earn that right.Beingvulnerable

actually takes courage, but let metell you, since I read Dr Brown’sbook,it’sbeenworthit.

It’s worth it to allow myself toconnect deeper with me. And nowthat the vulnerability has allowedme to express myself when thingsare a bit scary inmy relationships,because I don’t want to haveordinary relationships, I want tohave extraordinary relationshipsand an extraordinary life. Part ofhowyou create all that is by beingvulnerable.

So when you wrap it all up,vulnerability, for me, is all aboutauthenticity. It’sbeingauthentic. It’sbeing true to yourself, it’s aboutbeing new, it’s about living inalignment with your values, so it’simportant to map those valuesbecauseyouareareflectionofyourvalues.Soyoucan tell somebody’svaluesbyhowtheylivetheirlife.

So start towork your vulnerabilitymuscleandseewhatstartstoshiftinyour life. Be excited — be veryexcited! I once read that a man

cannotdiewellunlessheliveswelland that a man lives well when heacceptshisownmortalityanddrawsstrength from knowing that hisphysical existence is temporary.He’s just passing through. When aman faces and accepts theinevitability of death, he learns tosee death as his ally instead of hisenemy — he’s finally able toexpress his true self. Therefore, aman isn’t ready to live until heaccepts that he’s already dead.Tough, but true. I have to say, Irelishvulnerability!

Chapter12

Mindset:HeroWithinYou

“TherearepeopleintheworldsohungrythatGodcannotappeartothemexceptintheformof

bread.”

—MahatmaGandhi(1869-1948)

It’s really important to have astrong mindset when you startthinkingaboutwantingtotransitionfrom a career, job or you’re

thinkingabout settingupyourownbusiness.Ittookmeawhiletograspthis concept, butwhen I did, thingsreallystartedtogetmovingforme.Infact,ashumans,Ibelievewecansometimes make the simplestprinciplesseemcomplicated.

Yourapproach toyourmindset foranyarea inyour life iscrucial.Wetendtothinkthatmindsetisjustforsports people, and yet it’s not. It’sforeverybody!

Thebenefit of really strong, sound

mindset is that youknowwhat it isthat you want to achieve. For amoment, let’s look at this from ascientificpointofview:yourRAS,or theReticularActivating System,iswhatweuse. It sits insideofourbrain, switched on like a radarsystem.It’swhatweuse thatallowsustoattractthingsintoourlives.

You see, your reticular activatingsystemis likea filterbetweenyourconscious (everyday use) and yourunconscious (Control tower) mind.It takes instructions from your

consciousmindandpassesthemonto your unconscious. For example,theinstructionmightbe,‘Listenoutfor anyone saying my name’,because you’re walking through abusyairport.Thinkofallthenoise;people talking, music,announcements, and airplanestakingoff.Howmuchof thisnoiseis brought to your attention?Not alot. True, you can hear a generalbackgroundnoise, butnotmanyofusbothertolistentoeachindividualsound.But then, abroadcast comesover the public address system and

it’scallingyourflightoritssayingyour name. Now, your RAS hasgone into overdrive as you focusand strain to pick up every littledetail.ThisiswhereyourRASisanessential tool for achieving goals,andyoumustlearntobeawareofit.So,howdoyouthat?

First,youcandeliberatelyprogramyour RAS by choosing the exactmessages you send from yourconscious mind. For example, youcan set goals, or say affirmations,or visualise your goals. In

Napoleon Hills epic book ‘ThinkandGrowRich’,hesaidthatwecanachieveanyrealisticgoalifwekeepon thinking of that goal and stopthinking any negative thoughtsabout it. Of course, if we keepthinking that we can’t achieve agoal, our unconsciouswill help usNOT achieve it. Secondly, yourreticular activating system cannotdistinguish between ‘real events’and‘unreal’reality.Inotherwords,ittendstobelievewhatevermessageyou give it. Imagine that you’regoing to be giving a speech. You

can practice giving that speech byvisualizing it in your mind. Thistype of ‘pretend’ practice couldimproveyourabilitytogiveagreatspeech.

Now, as you start to notice things,and if you’re thinking about redFerraris, or those new pair ofshoes, that new suit, orwhatever itis for you, you’re going to startseeing those redFerraris, suits andshoeseverywhere.

JEEP: Just Essential Equipment

Please

TherecameatimewhenIwantedtobuy a JeepWrangler. It had been achildhood dream, planted bywatchingtoomuchAmericanTVasIgrewup.Theyalwaysrepresentedfun and freedom tome. Sowhen Icame to Australia, I started to seethemeverywhere,and,sureenough,I had theopportunity tobuya JeepWrangler. It looked exactly likewhat I had envisaged inmymind’seye.WhenIsatinitandtookitforatestdrive,itwasthemostprofound

andamazingexperience;mydreambecame a reality. It taught me thepower of holding your intentionand then letting it go. I wasn’tattached to the outcome of havingtheJeep,butIknewandtrustedthatIwould attract it somehow. So, becarefulwhat youwish for, becauseitmightcometrue!

Well that, to me, is all about themindset.Whenyouwantsomething,holdthatinyourmindandthinkofit once or twice a day. Anotherpowerful way of doing this is to

actually to write it down. Writedownwhatitisyouwanttoachieve.Let’scallthemaffirmations.

Some people call them goals, butwhatever you do, it’s important tofireuptheneurologyinyourbraintoattractthem.

Lateroninthebook,we’regoingtohave an opportunity to have aconversation with Natasa Denman,who is an extraordinaryentrepreneurandhaswrittenover5books, has multiple products, and

earnsoveramilliondollarsayearworkingfromhome.She’sgoingtogive us some insight into what itmeans to have a really smart andsoundmindset to help you achievethesame levelof success that she’sachieved in her life,which is quiteextraordinary.

Some of the really great ways ofhaving a really solid mindset is tofind somebody who will hold youaccountable. Sometimes being heldaccountable is publicly saying, thisis what I’m going to commit to.

Notice the difference when youachieve that goal you set foryourself. As opposed to if youactually don’t do it. You start tobuild more trust, more respect,more esteem within yourself, andthat just propels you evenmore towanttomoveforward.

Start where you are and stretchyourself to letgoof those limitingbeliefs that hold you back. If youthink it’s fairlyeasy toearn$10or$100, try to openyourmind to thepossibilitythatmaybe,justmaybe,it

could be equally easy (maybe eveneasier) to earn $500 in the sameamount of time or less. Onceyou’ve reached that point, push onto $1,000, and keep going fromthere.Whenyouthinkthatacertainamount of money is no big deal,you’llfindawaytoearnthatmuch,and that means you’ll becontributing more value to others.The money you receive ascompensationisyourreceipt.

Anothergreatwayofcreatingyourmindset is to write your thoughts

down — not so much from agratitudejournalperspective,butinclear succinct language that youknowwill help youmove forward.Lack and scarcity can’t co-exist atthe same time, so bringingingratitude only dissipates itsusefulness.

Remember that money is socialdebt.Thesizeofyourbankaccountis a measure of howmuch societyowes you for the value you’vealready contributed. If you think$10K is a large sum, itmeans you

probably aren’t in a position togenerate $10K of value for othersvery easily. If you can dump thatunhealthy mindset, you can openyourself to generating far morevalue in much less time. When Istarted thinkingof$10Kasa smallsum, I soon found it very easy toearn $10K. Earning $10K becomesaboutasdifficultasmakingacupofcoffee.

If you balk at seeing someonespending $5,000 or more for abottle ofwine, you have amindset

that labels thisasanextravagantorwasteful purchase. I believe thismindsetisahugemistake.

If a $5k wine purchase seems likean extravagant expense, it meansyou’re out of alignment with themindsetthat’scapableofproducing$5k of value very quickly. It’s notthe expensive wine itself that helpsyou contribute. What helps youcontribute is thinking aboutwhat itwould take to become the kind ofperson who could afford a $5kbottle of wine without thinking

twice about it — because that’s apersonwho’scapableofgeneratingmassivevalueveryefficiently.

At an average level of income inAustralia, there’s not muchdifference between a 5 and 10 centpiece, right? It’s a small amount,either way, and not particularlysignificant. Would you fret over aprice difference of 5 cents?Hopefullynot.Butforsomepeopleon this planet, in underdevelopedcountriesforexample,10centsisafairamount,and10centsinsteadof

5 cents for something would beregarded as extravagant andwasteful.It’samatterofperspective.

Similarly, at higher levels ofincome (and value creation), $10Kis nothing. It’s just cents. It’sinsignificant. It’s pocket change.There’s virtually no differencebetweena$5Kbottleofwineanda$100 bottle of wine — the pricedifference is meaningless,dependingonyourmindset.

Thepointis thatifyouharbourthe

outrage mindset towards‘extravagant’ purchases, you’rekeeping yourself out of alignmentwith becoming the kind of personwhocouldgeneratethatmuchvalueeasily. Hence, you’re severelylimitingyourself,andunnecessarilyso.

If you want to look at it from theopposite angle, start applying theoutrage script whenever you seepeopleoverpayingafewcentsforapurchase: ‘Are you insane? Youcould have bought that apple for 5

cents less at the store down thestreet! You must have money toburn!’ They’ll think you’ve lostyour mind. Similarly, this is howverywealthypeoplethinkabouttheprice difference between a $5,000vs. a $100 bottle of wine. If youwere to complain that they shoulddrink cheaper to save $4900, theymightlookatyoulikeyou’renuts.

Frettingover cents probably seemsfoolish to you. Similarly, to thosewho are capable of generatingmassive value (and being paid

accordingly), fretting over $5k isequally irrational. People who canspend$5Konabottleofwineknowthat$5kisnotalotofmoney.

When it comes to mindset, start toexamine yours, become aware andpresent to it. Awareness is 95% ofthis journey. This is reallyimportant for your continualgrowth in your health, in yourwealth,yourcareer,oranythingthatyou’re deciding to do to moveforwardwith it. Ifyoudothis, thenyou’re going to start getting the

resultsyouwant.

The mindset is the absolutelyessential ingredient togetting thoseresults. So, by living them, youbecome far more effective andproficient. Now’s not the time to‘choke’.

So my top ten tips here formindsetare:

1. You’vegot toplan to succeed.Don’t plan to fail. Really getclear in your goals; have

yearly,3,5and10yeargoals.Pick one big intention for theyear.Oneof thebig intentionsfor you right nowcouldbe totransition out of your job.Weunderestimate what we can doin ten years, even five years,but we overestimate what wecandoin12months.Soreally,make big goals; have big,ballsy, scary, ambitious goalsthatyoucanputdown.MyruleofthumbisthatifIwritedowna goal and it scaredme, that’swhat I aim for. If I’m writing

down a financial goal for theyear and my heart startspounding, I know I’m at theedgeofaboundarywithinme.ThiswayIknowI’mstretchingmyself.

2. All successful people takeresponsibility. I mean 100%responsibility. So if you’re inyourbusiness,andit’sgoingalittlequietandyou’renot surewhat it is, you know you’retaking your focus offsomething. So what is it that

youneedtogetbacktodoing?Whatisitthatyouneedtostartrefocussingonagain?

3. Whatyoufocusongrows.I’vesaid this many times; thatwherever you put your focus,it’s going to grow. It’s yourreticular activating system,your RAS — it’s like a heatseeking missile, it’s going tostartlookingforwhateveritis.So it may not come back toyou that week or that month,butsomewherealongthelineI

believe itgoes full circle.Youknow it’snot straightaway,butitwillhappen.

4. I want you to start observingpeople who have what youwant. And this is aboutmodelling excellence. Watchthem. What are they doingwell?Whatdotheyspendtheirtime doing?What do they notdo?I’veoftenheardpeoplesayto me, Until you get betterresults, just shut up and dowhat your coach or mentor

tells you to do. Don’t try andanalyse it, don’t try andstructure it, don’t try anddefendit,justgoanddoit.Justgoandnodyourhead,goanddo it, and when you get theresultsthencomeback.

5. It’s really important toask forhelp. Human beings lovehelping human beings. It’sinnatewithinustowanttohelppeople.You can’t do it all foryourself, and nor should youhave to. Okay? So it’s not a

solo act. We’re social people.This is why we havenetworking; this is why wehave groups that get together.This is why we have parties.Thisiswhywehavebarbecues.This is why we lovesocialising on the beach inAustralia. This is why we’vegotall these things—becausewe’renotsolitaryanimals.Thethingis,ifyouwanttogofast,by all means go alone. But ifyouwanttogofar,thenyou’vegottogotogether.

6. Wheneveryoufindyourselfina challenging situation, askyourself,Whatdoesthismean?It’s about the self-inflection.It’sabout,whatdoesitmeantoyou? It could be somethingyou’reupagainst.Startasking,Well, what does it mean?Andthen you say, What’s funnyabout this? The higher-qualityquestionsyouaskyourself,thehigher-quality response. So,what will I think about thischallenge or issue in 12months?Inthreeyears?Infive

years?Intenyears?WillIevenrememberhowimportantisit?Ask,What does it mean? Andthen, What else? And then,Whatdoesthatmean?Andtheneventually you arrive at theplacewhereyougo,Hmmm,itdoesn’t really mean anything;it’sjusttheself-limitingbeliefsthat you’ve got. And then thebigonesthatIliketoaskwhenIseeclientsare,Whatareyoupretending what you don’tknow? What’s the blind spotthatyou’vegot?They’rereally

goodquestionstoask.

7. This is going to push somepeople’s buttons. Just say yes,and work out how. So manypeople are waiting for theducks to line up; they want togetitallright.IfIjusthavetherightbusinesscard,ifIjustgetthe right leaflet, if I have theright brochure — no! ThereallyinterestingthingthatI’vefound with people in businessis that, regardless ofwhateverbusiness it is, if it’s your own

businessmostpeoplewillwantto do business with youbecauseofyou!It’snotalwaysabout your products, so justsay yes, and then work outhow.

8. There’s only feedback, there’sno such thing as failure. AndI’vesaidthisbefore,perfectiondoesn’t exist. If you’re one ofthese people who are doing aperfectionist strategy, let metellyou,you’reexhausted.Youknow because you’re so tired

you’retryingtowearthemaskall the time. I don’t care ifthat’scorporate,Idon’tcareifit’srelationships,Idon’tcareifit’s that you’re out and aboutsomewhere. The thing is,people can see it’s not true.Andtheymaynotsayanythingto you, they just know. Theyjustcallyou fake.That’snotanice label to put on someone.There’s no judgement aroundit, it’s just how people willexperience with you. It’salways a balance between

positive andnegative.You canalwaysbeimprovingthings.Infact, I’ve heard AnthonyRobbins talking about CAN I,which means CONTINUOUSAND NEVER-ENDINGIMPROVEMENT.

9. Everything is awkward andchunkybeforeitbecomeseasy.If you’re going to start or trysomething new, get used to.You’vegottohavethemindsetto say to yourself, I feel a bitawkward,Ifeelabitweird,and

I’mnotsurehowthis isgoingto go but just do it anywaybecause you’ve said yes.You’re nowworking it out. Ifyou’ve said yes and you’reworking it out, wherewill thechallengeand thedevelopmentbe in that? Everything isawkward before it becomeseasy.

10. Take action, even when youdon’t feel like it. In fact, havethat as one of your non-negotiables. I know people

with non-negotiables in theirlifewhowilljustnotdocertainthings. They just refuse; No,I’mgoing topickupmychildat 3:30 four days a week. It’snon-negotiable; they leavework, they leave the business,theygoanddo it.Or theysay,No, Fridays are just non-negotiable. I do not work onFridays, or I do not work onthe weekends. They have non-negotiables and they stick bythat!Ifyouonlyeverdothingswhen you’remotivated, you’ll

always be a slave to youremotions. So be aware of itwhen it comes to exercise,whenitcomestodoingcertainthings in your business.Whenyou don’t want to handle it.Have a look atwhat the beliefis,andthenjusttaketheaction,evenwhen you don’t feel likeit.Andremember,anyactionisbetterthannoaction.

MoneyBelief

When I was around 7 or 8,

something happened with my dadand we didn’t have any cash. Oneday,whenwewentshopping,hehadto write a cheque and the storewouldn’tacceptit;Itookitasifwedidn’thavemoney.

That was when I started noticingother things, like I couldn’t alwayshave things that I wanted, and so Istarted having this mentality, thislackmentality, that I didn’t have asmuch as the people or the kidsaround me. That was where mylimiting belief of money came

from; that’s where it was born. IlearnedthatIcarriedthataroundforyears,soanytimesomethingcomesup around money, my mentality israther,‘Ican’taffordthat’.Iactuallyhad to retrain myself to say, Wellhow do I now go about affordingthat?

When you say the word ‘how’, itstarts to change the direction ofyour thought systems. Between theages of 2-6, our brains are justsoaking up everything. It’s calledtheta brain waves; it’s this state

where we observe everything andlearn to respond to the thingsaroundus.Andatthatagewe’reallreally, really impressionable;they’re our formative years!Whenweformouropinionsaboutmoneyandself-confidence,andouresteemand our security and our loveagainst many other things, itinfluencesusthroughtherestofourlives.Andwemaynot even realisethat. Perhaps you’re reading thisandthinkingtoyourself,Well,yeahIcanseenowwhereIhavelimitingbeliefsaroundnotwanting to leave

myjobbecausewhenIwasgrowingup we didn’t have any securitybecause my mum was a singlemother and I want to create thissecurity inmy life.And the realityis that certainty comes fromwithinourselves.

I remember a story about a friendofmine;whenshewasgrowingupback home in Ireland, she lost themoneyforthemeatfortheweekforthe butchers when she was a littlegirl.Andthefamilydidn’thaveanymeat for the whole week. Because

of what she made that situationmean, she’s gone on to become ahighly-driven person who hassuccessfully used that pain, if youlike, to create money. So it’sinteresting that sometimes whenyou’reawareofyourbeliefsearlieron, you can actually use that tomotivate and inspire yourself. Wecan’tchangethepast,andthere’snopointineventrying.Instead,wecanspend our time focussing on howwe can change our thoughts andchoosing the thought andcharacteristics that we want to

possess. So really, I want you tolook at the areas of the life thatyou’re looking to improve and,right now, start replacing yournegative thoughts with positivestatements.

Soinsteadofsaying,Ican’tpaymybills, you say,Well, now I pay mybills in full every month, or everyquarter. Or, I pay my credit cardstatement on time. Money flowseasily andeffortlessly intomy life.If you repeat this every day, itactuallybecomesyourreality.

SoI’mhopingthatwhenyoustarttohavea lookatyourmindset,you’llnotice the very subtle changes thatwill start to happen. Perhaps youmight look down on the ground;perhapsyoumightfindatwo-dollarcoin. Perhaps you might put yourhand in a jacket you haven’t wornfor a while and you’ll find ahundreddollarnote.

When you start to come with anabundance mentality, you start totrack things and people andsituations become attracted to you.

Sometimesyoudon’thavetoknowhow it happens, but just know thatwhen you start to come from thatmindset, it starts to improve allareasofyourlife.

Compatible

There’salottobesaidforhangingoutwithlike-mindedpeoplewho’vegot the samemindset. As a perfectexample, this morning at a BNImeeting there were a number ofentrepreneurs who have a globalperspective. That’s their mindset;

they’realwaysthinkingbigger.Theconversation is based oninformation sharing from aroundtheworld.Soifyou’rethinkingyouwant to go national in yourbusiness, or your career, startthinking international. And if youwant to go international, startthinking universal, because itexpands your mind and yourmindset. I love meeting up withtheseguys;they’vebeenthroughtheupsanddownsofbusiness.They’vemade mistakes; they’ve haddifficulties, challenges. And

somehow, they’ve forgedthemselves to allow theirentrepreneurial thinking to helpthem move forward and changetheir thinking. So you see, theybecome who they need to bethrough thedoingofwhat it is thattheydo.

Ifthey’renotgettingtheresultstheywant, they shift something in theirmindsetortheirideas.Orthey’lltrysomethingdifferent.They’lltestandmeasure; they’ll try something if itdoesn’twork and then they’ll try it

anotherway.ItwasCarlYoungwhosaid the definition of insanity is tocontinuouslydothesamethingoverand over and expect a differentresult.

Another benefit of surroundingyourselfwith thesekindsofpeopleisfromanenergypointofview.It’sreallyinvigorating.I’vecomeawayfrom speaking with some of theseguysafter themeetingand I’vegotnew ideas, I’ve got globalperspectives.Yourmindcanbelikea pot-bound plant whose roots are

stuckgoingaroundontheinsideofthecontainer;whenyoustarttopullout your plant your from that potand shake the roots, you loosenthem and it allows for that plant,yourmind,togrowevenmore.

Assistance

IwasdiscussinghowbusyIwasonaparticularproject at thatmeeting,andbecauseitwasashortweekduetoapublicholiday,Iwasupagainstadeadlinefortheclient.Oneoftheguys in the group suggested I

shouldhavevirtualassistant;outofthat conversation, he said he wasmore than happy to share his VA,because he hasVAs that he uses inhis business for 40 hours a week.And just in that short conversation,hegavemeheremailandtoldmetomakecontactandtellherthatitwasokayformetodowhatIwantedtodo.

That was going to save me aboutfivehoursaday,andtomethat’sahuge amount of time for a personwho’srunningabusiness.Formost

people,theyruntheirownbusiness;you put one hat on for sales andmarketing,andyou’reputtingahaton for your bookkeeping andaccounts and your reconciliationand you’ve taken your hat off andyou’re back to networking. Soyou’re constantly taking these hatsonandoff allday;youwearmanydisguises all day. And that’simportantthatyouhavethatmindsettohavethebehaviouralflexibilitytoenableyoutodothat.

What I want you do is to have a

think aboutwhatyouneed todo tothink differently. How to have adifferent mindset. Sometimes, it’sjustonesmallshiftinyourthinking,and that’s what I got from theseguys.Onesmallshiftinmythinkingthat was going to give me anexperienceusingaVA,somethingIwould never have considered. Thismight sound antiquated, but thebottom line is I’m going to savetime, which is absolutely fantastic.Look at it from a different angleand surround yourself with thepeople who are like-minded and

have the energy, because you canactually feed off this energy. I’drather be around people who havegreat energy as opposed to peoplewho suck your energy, and weknowwhatthosesortsofpeoplearelike. Their energy will combinewith your energy and theirvibrations will combine with yourvibrationand there’sasynergy thatactually happens and everybodymovesforward.

Entrepreneurs come in all shapesand sizes. Some are supremely

successfulwithmultiplebusinesses,and others have just become awareof their entrepreneurial spark andthey’re shining and all of a suddenthey’ve discovered this Silver Boxwithin them. Being a successfulentrepreneur is a process ofpersonal, professional evolution. Itjust doesn’t happen overnight; youevolve through it. It’s an organicprocess for which there are noshortcuts — in fact, we’re oftenquite dubious of somebody who’shadsuccessveryquickly.AndIloveMalcolmGladwellinhisbook,‘the

Outliers’; he talks about how ittakes10,000hours tohavemasteryin what it is that you do. 10,000hours, which is about 7 years tocreatethesuccess.Whateveryou’vebeen doing for 7 years, you havemasteryaroundit,eventhoughyouthinkyoumightnot.

More Mindset Characteristics ofSuccessfulPeople

Successful people know their lifepurpose. And that doesn’t alwaysjust arrive and land in your lap.

Sometimes, you’ve got to do stufffor a while to see who and whatyou’re attracting, and all of asudden it starts to manifest. I’veseen people step into businessventures simply formonetarygain.We all want money, but it’sinteresting that money is the lastthing to happen in any transaction.You think about buying a house,youthinkaboutwalkingintoashopto buy anything.The last thing thatpassesoverthecounterismoney!

So I want you to be aware of that

subtle distinction; becoming anentrepreneurforthewrongreasonscanleadtoburnoutandresentment.Whatever you’re working in, ask,What is it? and, Why it is thatyou’re doing it? When you figurethis out, you experience a sense ofjoyandexcitementforwhatyoudo,and there’s this drive that you getwhenyoubringthatmessagetotheworld,that’swhatexcitesme.

Successful people believe thatentrepreneurship is the most directpath to self-awareness because you

learn your strengths andcapabilities, and ultimately yourweaknesses,andyouleveragetheseinpowerfulways.

Thebeliefsofsuccessfulpeoplearereflected directly in their actions.Theyregularlyaskthemselves,Isitservingme?AndyoucanseewhenI said at the very beginning of thisbook that there will be a certaintheme that runs through the book;now you’re starting to put ittogether, that there’s certain thingsthat are linked together that weave

the magic of what it is to have asuccessfullifeandbusiness.

They listen to their intuition, theirSilver Box, and I’ve often heardCEOs and people who are insuccessful positions go, ‘Hmm, Ijust had a gut feeling’. Or, ‘I justknew my heart’. They can’t quitephraseit,butit’saphysiologicalorbodilysensationthattheyhave.

They’reconfidentpeople.Theyareeasy to be around. They don’t askwhether they deserve it, they just

know—tothem,it’sabirthrighttohavethis.‘ThisiswhatIwant;now,howamIgoingtocreateit?’

They clear physical clutter.Personally,Idothistwiceayear;ifI’vegotclothesinmywardrobethatI haven’t worn in 12months, I getrid of them. I give them to theSalvos, because the universe lovesthosesortsofgesturesofwhenyoucleanout.Icleanoutmybathroom,I clean out stuff, I clean out mygarage andmydesk, because it’s areflection of you inside. And it’s

virtually impossible to have clarityon the insideand focusonwantingthat level of prosperity if yourphysical environment is clutteredandunorganised.

They don’t take things personally.Theyrecognise that it takes time toconnect with a tribe. I know SethGodin talks about this a lot in hisbook about Tribes that everybodywants to be part of a tribe.Everybody wants to build a tribe,and it’s important for running asuccessful business; it’s all about

creating relationships, creatingyour own tribe. You’ll do thatnaturally, because you will attractpeople towards youwhenyou startgetting clear on what you want,because they’ll want it and you’llgetit.

They keep the promises that theymaketothemselves.WhatImeanbythat is that theyhonour themselves;theyhonourtheirowncommitmentsto themselves and others. Theyrecognise the integrity they’redealing with; it’s a non-negotiable

thing— absolutely non-negotiable.But they also recognise theimportance of honouringthemselves; they celebrate or theybuythemselvessomething,whichiswhy you see successful peopledrivinganicecarorwearinganicewatch.It’sbecausethey’verewardedthemselves.

They don’t treat business like ahobby—it’snotahobby!Sorightnow, if you’re in a business, oryou’re somewhere in the area ofyour lifeandyou’re treating it like

ahobby,stop.Lookathowyoucancreate systems, procedures.Start tolook at where you can start todocument things. Where can youstart building things? Some actionis better than no action, becausethey’re constantly creating,constantly perfecting, perfectingtheircraft.

They have a mindset where theyexamine what is between them andearning the money that they want.Theyknowthattheabilitytoreceiveis every bit as important as the

ability to gain, which is why mostentrepreneurs in business aregenerous. And I mean that they’regenerous with their time; I knowsome entrepreneurs I speak withwho charge $1000, $1500 an hour— sometimes more for their time—butifyoutreatthemwithrespectand courtesy, they’ll give you thattime, for free.They’llpointyou inthe right direction because theyunderstand that it’s important thatwhatgoesout,comesback.

It’sliketheebbandflowofthesea.

They understand that money is aformofenergythat’sexchangedforvalue given. I hope a lot of thesemindsets details give you someinsight to who you are and howyou’re going to operate when youmove forward in your life, career,or business that you want todevelop.

BonusChapter

InterviewwithNatasaDenman

John: Hey, Natasa, great to spendsometimewithyoutoday.Iwanttotalk about success, because in thischapter I want people to get aninsight into where you started andhowyougottowhereyouarenow.What were the insights that youhad? What was the mindset, what

did you learn, what were thechallenges? First of all, however,tellmeaboutmindset.

Natasa:Well,it’sbeenajourney.Itbegan with me having to work onmyself and develop myself. Thereason I startedout in thisbusinesswasbecause, threeandahalfyearsago,myhusbandmadeaverypoordecisionwithinourbusinessthatweownedback then, and Iwentout tosearch for answers. I came acrossthis coaching school whereby IthoughtIwasgoingtolearnhowto

start a business. Little did I knowthat the journeywas aboutme firstof all, working on my ownlimitationsandmindsetuntilIcouldreachapointwhereIwasgoodwithmyself, happy with myself,congruent, and then I startedattracting those clients that now Isawwithinmewhattheywantedforthemselves. So, from then on, itbecame a journey in terms ofbuilding up business. Initially, thefirst six months was all about me,and that’s what I believe. Myhusbandjoinedmeinmybusinessa

year ago and he has had to gothroughhisownmindsetjourneyinthelast10months.

J:Anditdoesn’thappenovernight?

N: No, even though he’s walkedinto a readymade business withsystems, with programs, withoffers,witheverything,whichIhadto build from scratch in thebeginning.

J:And they’re the insights, I reallywanttogetintothesystemsandthe

processbecause that’s so importanttoput theLegopieces togetherandbeable to stack them towhereyouwanttogo.Becauseifyoudon’tputthe pieces of the puzzle togetheryou’re not going to have anythingontopofit.

N:That’sright!Sothat’swheremystrength isandwhat I’m just tryingtoalsomakeapointaroundiseventhough he’s walked into thisreadymade business he’s comefrom an employing mindset whichmeant that he had to do his own

journey of self development,increasing confidence and all that,building a network in order to gettoappointwherehe’snowanasset.In thebeginning Ialmost felt like Iwas carrying the load of having tolook after the liability and eachmonthIgouptohimandsayDarl,you’re actually wroth this muchmoreperhour tomeandinitiallyIwould have said hewasworth $20anhourbecausehewasdoingsomeadmintasksbutafewmonthsagoIsaid you’re $50 an hour now andafter this weekend we just finished

off his ultimate 48 hour weekendgeeIsaidtohimnowIthinkyou’reat the $100 per hour mark. Andthat’s the same thing with myjourneyaswell,themorevaluethatIcouldbringtomyclientsthemorethatIcouldseethatIcouldincreasemypricepoint.CauseoriginallyasacoachIstartedoutat$125anhourandittookmealittlewhiletogetto$165 and then $200 per hour andthenonceIhitthatpointIcouldseehow fast I could create results forpeople in their business in theirlives and therefore the next levels

they just come quick and fast andit’sthecertaintyandconfidence.

J:Soyou’vegottobereadyforit,you just can’t go out there straightawayandsayI’m$400.I’mthisI’mthat. It doesn’t work like that. Sothere’s actually a maturationprocess within the individual thatyou’vegottostartfromthebottom,almostlikeanapprenticeship.

N:OkaywellI’llsharemystrategywith you in terms of how I notjustify increasing my prices but

how the process happens, so whathappens is I do the work with theclient or clients and then I noticethey’re getting results. I alwaysknowthattheclientsareresponsiblefor their results but alsowhat I dowith them to get them there fasteralsomatters.Sotheygettheresults,iftheyreferpeopletomeifthere’samazingfeedbackonhowawesometheirbusinessisgoingandallthatIgo fantastic and sometimes it canhappenwithinamonthortwowhichisveryfastfromacoupleofhoursofworkwithme.Whichmeansif I

wasseeingintheearlydaysaclientoveranextendedperiodoftimesaysix months and they got thoseresultsoversixor12monthsversusnowtheycanget it in1-2sessions,it’s relative in terms of what coststhey’re paying, so maybe they’repaying 125 over 12 sessions ormaybe they’re paying 500 over 3,however they’re still getting thesame result because I haveimproved the value I deliver andhow fast I’m able to get someonefromAtoB.Makesense?

J:Absolutely!SoI’mreallycuriousabout and I’m sure the readers arecurious,whatwasthemajorturningpoint for you in your business?Because we go along on ourbusiness and we’re pushing, whichiswhypersistence iskey tohavingthe faith in yourself and in yourbusiness and believing and havingthatwhyaheadofyou.Whendidallof a sudden things just really tookoffforyou?

N: Okay, in the first 13 months Iwas dabbling, dating different

nichesandallthatkindofstuffandIhad a business name that was verygeneric, it was called PRSCoaching,whichwas likewhat didthatreallystandfor?AndIdecidedto go into the weight loss area intermsof niching for some specificproblemthatIwouldsolve.Evensothough I didn’t define myself veryspecifically, because weight loss issuch a big, huge, niche in itself,health and wellness, and about 6-7monthsinsomeoneatanetworkingeven that I was a friend with andcame up to me and had heard the

way I talk andwhatmy passion is,which is human behaviour, back atthe time,nowI’mreallypassionateaboutbusiness,thisisthegrowthwegothrough.AndwhenIwastalkingabout the human behaviours hegoes,nah,youshouldwriteabook!Welldon’tgivemeanideabecauseif I think it’s half a decent idea I’llaction it straight away.Sonot eventhreeweekslateritwasJanuary1itwas in 2011 and I wrote a 90 daygoal whereby I broke the bookdown,Iwantedtohave90pages inWord,whichformattedisabout150

pages,sodecentsizedbook,likeanaverage book and I just broke itdownintoweeklytasks,so2-3hourwriting sessions twice a week,locked them in my diary and thatwas it. I was sitting there had ablock orwhatever to type up thosepageseveryweek.

J:SowhatIhearisyouhadagoal,locked it in set the goals, so it’saboutsettingthegoals.

Setting the date, setting the goal.Andthentakingtheaction.That’sas

simple as that sounds that really isthe heart of actioning something.AndI’veoftenheardyousayif it’snot scheduled in; it’s not going tohappen.

N: I thinkTonyRobbinsoriginallycameoutwith thatquoteand itwasif he gets scheduled it gets done.And I’ve never heard it from him,that’s been also in my mind, forexample something funny, becausethis happenswithin our family, notjust our business. My mumoftentimes she’ll ring me and say

canyouhelpmewithsomethingonthe computer. Put up something toselloneBayand I saywhenwouldyou like me to help you? We’regoingtoyourhouseontheweekendso do you want it on FridaySaturdayorSunday,Ineedtowriteitinmydiary,ifIdon’twriteitwehaverandomtimeanditain’tgoingtohappen.Soifyouwantmetodosomething, while you’re on thephone with me tell me to pull outmy diary, and write it down evenforfamilythings.

J:My journey, Ineverhadadime,and from a time managementperspective, I used to have myphone and my calendar but thedifference of when you actuallywriteitdownisextraordinaryandIknowalotofpeoplesayyoucandoit electronically, and link it all up,butthere’ssomethingtangibleaboutputtingpen topaper andphysicallyfeelingwhere,asoldfashionedasitsounds in 2013-14, it’s really not,because it’s the link with yourselfphysiologically and what you’reseeing and you actually experience

whatyou’regoingtobeachieving.

N:That’s actuallywhat Iwanted toshowyou,thisismydiary,IuseanA4 diary and if it’s helpful guys Ilove columns, week per view,because that way when I open myweek,I’llgiveyouapieceofpaperherewhichwe’llputaside,but I’vegot many different things, colourcoordinated righthere, sodifferentcolours as well, so for examplegreenmeansmyregularclients,redmeans redhot leads,blue is familyappointments and black is business

typeofappointments.Andatthetopof every week I put down littleweeklygoalsandatthebackofmydiary I have my one year 90 daygoalsagainincolours.

J:Thisisreallyvaluable;thisgivesyoualittlebitofasnapshotintothemillionaire’smindifyoulike!

N: And yeah one year goals andthen each 90-day first quarter,secondquarter,thenextpagewe’vegotthethirdquarterandatthebackhereI’vegotthe4thquarter.NowI

don’t achieve my goals all of thetimebut I do achieve them80%ofthetimeandwhatIfindisyouneedto learn and train yourself how tocalibrateyourself.

J:Soit’slikeworkingamuscle.

N: Yeah, so initially in the start ofmy business I was over and I seethiswithmynewclients, they’llsetsuch unrealistic goals, I know, butsometimes they don’t say anythinguntil 2 or 3 months in where theykind of go oh, hang on, it doesn’t

work this way. They get that lightbulb moment so themselves werebrought back and go let’s go insmallerincrements.That’swhatIdoandit’samazing.

J: Can I just and I love that there,whatI’mreallycuriousaboutisthatmight be overwhelming to somepeople?Ohmygosh,everyquarterbreaking it down. What’s a fewsmallstepsjusttostartoutslowlytotestandmeasuretoseeifyougetaresult.What would be a great wayofdoingthatasopposedtolooking

at the big picture from the verybeginning, because not everyonecandothatoffthecuff.

N: So I would say well I have atemplate that I give to people, soeven if yous tart doing one goaleverythreemonthsandthewayIdoit is it might seem overwhelmingbutit’snotbecauseit’sscheduledinmydiary.Soevery31March,every30 January and 30 June and 30Septemberaremygoalsettingdays.January1yousetyour1yeargoals.Secondquarter90daygoalsgo31

March. June 30 for your thirdquarter.September30isyourfourthquarter.

J: What I’m hearing is a businessmindset.

N: It is a system!But it’s funwhenthe time comes when I’m gettingclose to thenext lotofgoal-settingsession with myself, I get excitedbecause what will I ask for?Because I actually think that I’masking the universe to realign andbringme,a lotofpeoplehave told

meI’mthismastermanifester,butIreckon it’s my goals that actuallymanifest those things in my life.And even before I was a coach orstudied coaching I actually setgoals. So from the time I wasprobably16everyChristmasI’dgetadiary,myfamilyalwaysknewthatIlikedtohavethingsplannedandatthestartofthatyear,allIwoulddois like dot points. So let’s bring itback to what you just said, howsomeone can start out simply,wellmaybedowhat I did10years ago!And when you get your new diary

forthenewyearbecauseeveryone’sexcitedaboutusing theirnewdiaryat the start of the new year even ifthey’renotmuchofadairypersonandjustwritedown15thingsyou’dlike toachieve in thenextyearandthen revisit it at. And then what Iwouldthendoisrevisitmydiary,Iwouldn’t even look at them for thewhole year. Then the next year I’dcheck and see I did 80% of thethings that I’d written on that dotpoint list. So it wasn’t as elaborateaswhatIdonow.

J: So tell me about your goalsetting,Ionceheardyousaythattohaveonebiggoalfortheyear.Oneover-archinggoal.

N: I think it’sgood forus to focusononeprojectatatimeratherthanmultitasking and I’ve seen peopledilute their attention to 15 to 20different things. And last year wasallaboutStuartquittinghisdayjob.So how do I build this momentumwithin the business? So obviouslythere are so many subsections inthatneedtohappeninorderforthis

big goal to be achieved. This yearhas been all about me having theability to bringmymum on boardandnextyearI’dreallylovetohaveanotherchild,buttohavethatchildIneed to have a few things in placeandsetupsoforthatperiodwhereIneedtohaveababy.

So it’s planning, planning, goals.Really planning, I’m more reallythinking this isme,butyouknowIplan what month are we going tomakethebaby.

J:Wellthisissovaluablebecauseitgivesyoutheinsight,itdoesn’tjusthappen.

N:No,no,no!Itjustdoesn’thappenby itself; it’s actually getting up,taking the action, writing it downandtakingthosesteps.

And generally knowing what’shappeninginthenext12months,sofrom now on know generallywhatwill happen and how the next 12monthswillplayoutatanypointofthe year. So know what August to

August will be. It’s not January toDecember, because when I cameback recently from overseas I satdownanddid an intensiveplan forthe next three months and this iswhat I recommend because youcan’tseetoofaraheadinthefuture.Things may change your interestsmightchange.

J:Behaviouralflexibility?

N:Yes,that’srightandwhatIsaytopeople is that I used to do 20% ofthetimethethingsthatIwantedand

80%ofwhatIhadto;nowit’s80%whatIwantand20%whatIhavetoand I don’t touch the stuff that Idon’t enjoy. So do the things thatyou enjoy, an insight.You do needto initially manage in the first 2-3years you need to do things youdon’tenjoy.Ididn’tenjoythehealthand wellness niche to be honest. Ididn’tenjoyit.Iknewthattherewaspotential in terms of to grow abusiness around it. I enjoyed thehuman behaviour aspect that Iwouldcoachpeopleonandallthat,but when I had to mark it as a

weight loss person and all that Ididn’tenjoythat.I’dlove,likewhenI sit down and market around myultimate48hourauthororbusinessstuff, this is the stuff where it’salmost been a vehicle to getme todo, I had to prove myself that Icouldgrowabusiness.

J:Sodoit,almostlikedoitbeforeyoufeelit.Justdoit.

N: Yeah, well there’s a saying, actbeforeyoufeel.NowI’mfeelingsoempowered by this and you know

whatJohn,it’swhenyoustarttoseeyourselfassomethingreallyspecialand unique, is the thing that reallychanges everything. I was thismorninginthebathroom,fullblastmusic, songs and I’m going God,I’ve got such awonderful life, I’mso grateful, I was even starting tocryintheshower,becauseIwasjustso excited about all the things thatare coming up now, being plannedandthat’swhereIwantpeopletogetto. It’s the point where they knowthey’re unique. They’re not incompetition with anyone else;

you’reacoach,I’macoach,we,mywhole community and tribe arecoaches, I’m not threatened byanyone. I am unique and there’sonlyonepersonthatcandothatjob.

J: And in that what I see is themindset that’s very important, is amindsetofabundance.

Yeah!

N: It’s a mindset of if there’ssomething coming up and you seesomebodyandhaveaphysiological

reaction to it examine that becauseit’sgoingtoholdyoubackinsomewaywithyourmindsettocreatetheabundance and the dream that youwant. So if you’re here and youwanttogothereandyoureally,it’sjust going to take off for youbecauseeventuallyyouhangaroundlongenoughandyoukeepdoingit,it’s going to happen, it has tohappen.

So you can break through limitingblueprints around mindset, aroundmoney,aroundyourabilitiesandall

of that. If you just keep doing thedo. Because one of my favouritesayings that I learned during mytrainingwithanLP isbeingcomeswith the doing. And I’m lucky orblessed…andIdon’tcareifIsuck,you know there’s that thing. Wellyousuckat it tillyou’regoodat it.Bringthembackbecauseyouaskedmearoundtheturnaroundpoint.Sothen this was the weight loss bookguys, the sevenultimate secretes toweightloss.AndIlookatitandfeellike it’s primary school however Igetawesomefeedbackonitstilland

soonas thiswaspublishedand thisis why I’ve encouraged john topublish his own book quest tofreedom and it’s coming out verysoon. I’m so excited. Thecredibility, the self-worth you feelfor yourself, the positioning interms of other people, like otherpeople still thinkwriting a book isthis … mountain that needs to beclimbed!

J: IknowbecauseI felt it till Imetyou.

N:Sohowdoyoufeel?

J:It’slikeIcouldwrite10…

N: Yeah because it’s planned, it’sstructured, it’s locked in, it’s aprocess.

That’srightandsothatcameoutof13months andwhatwe also did atthetimeandasyoucanseemyoldbranding was on that, on the back,andwe’vejustredonethecoverandeverything so it all looks the sameandwiththehelpofmymentor,we

sat down and said how am I goingtobespecificwithinthisweightlossniche?Andwecameupwiththetaglineoflosethelast10kilos.Thisiswhereyoudiscoveranichewithinaniche; a niche that is narrowenough, but super deep, becauseactually it was an inch wide and amiledeep.

That’s right, so what happened tome is I started noticing everyonecomingtoseemesaidI’vejustgot10kilostolose.FunnyenoughIhad10 kilos to lose eight-ten year ago

and I have these before and afterphotosfortheweightlossandwhenI would show that and doworkshops it was a real credibilitybooster, so it’s going back to self,sohowhaveIhelpedmyselfwithinmylifeandbusinessandthat’swhatI’mactuallydelivering.Sowith theultimate 48 hour author, this bookhere the Ninja Couch Marketing,my partner and I in this particularbusiness, we went away and wrotethisinlessthan3hours,weactuallyhad more fun that writing a book,this is how we do it that fast, and

then8monthslaterIwaslikesittingthere and she said you know I’vegotthisPJpowerdaycauseshe’sallaboutworkinginyourPJssoIsaidwhat do I stand for? So because Iwas product and development, so Ididthisbookin48hours,whycan’tI promote this 48 hour author, sothis is where that idea came from.Something that happened before,leads to something else and it’salwayswithinyourightnowandit’sright in frontofyour face, it’s justlike…

You’vegottoincubateitandthenitwillorganicallysprout.

Howareyouopen to it?To sittingit? And that principle of keep itsimplestupid,I’lljustkeep.

What about are you open … howabout are you ready for it? Howabout my mindset respective,wherever you are now in yourjourney,I’veoftenheardthesayingthatthat’sexactlywhereyouneedtobeandthereasonforthatisthatyoumaynotbereadyrightnowtowrite

a book, however if the seed isplanted now and you’ve read thesewordsandyou’vewatched thisyougowow,Icouldreally,in48hours?Imeanthere’salittlebitofworktodobeforehandbutwithsupportallthewayrightthroughandthenfromthere thatmightbe6or12monthsdownthetrack,ifyouhadaskedme2yearsagoJohn in2yearsyou’regoingtobewritingabookIwouldneverhavebelievedyou!

You might have also been scared,and overwhelmed, and everything

thatgoeswiththat.

Ibelieve thatyoumeet thementorsthat you’re going to be workingwith at the right time, whoeveryou’re a match with. Also peoplethat you hang out with, like thegroupsandthequalityofpeopleorIguesstheirintereststhattheyhavechanges, I definitely don’t spend alot of my time with my group offriends,notthatIdon’tlovethem,Ilovethemjustasmuch,it’sjustthatourvalue systemhas changed.Ourvalue system has changed so

therefore our conversations wouldbe very, very different and that’swhy it’s nice to catch up now andagain however the majority of mytimeisspentwithpeoplethatareina similar situation as me and evenpeople who are ahead of mebecause if I’m the smartest personin the room I need to be in adifferentroom.

Because you constantly want to bestretchedandIlikenthat,Isaytomyclients, even this morning I saidwith your thinking if you’re not

feeling that… what is thatphysiologicalformesensation?

J: I feel sick sometimes! I feelphysicallysick,that’sthestretch.Soif you’re sitting here reading thesewordswatchingthisandohmygodI’mnotsosure thenit’sexactly thepersonwhoneedstodothis.Exactlyforyou.Checkitout!

N: I welcome that feeling becauseas you grow and expand there areless and less people to hang outwith.UnfortunatelyIwanteveryone

to come along to the journey, butit’snoteveryone’s timeor that selfawareness will come through at adifferentstageforsomepeople;andotherswills teamthrough itandallthatsortofstuffandthenit’sjustit’samazingthough.

J:Solet’stalkaboutrewards.Let’stalk about thegood stuff.Let’s talkabout the…andIknowfinanciallyit’s abundant and that’ snot thereasonwhyyoudoitbecauseinanyscenarioandsituation the last thingto come is the transaction; the last

thing that comes is themoney.Thereward.

N: So there’s obviously feel goodrewards, there’s financial rewards;there’s your family, being able tolook after yourwhole family. LikeI’m the provider for all of us andtheplanningasIsaidanotherchild,so to be able to go I’ll take youguystoThailand,I’lltakeyouguystoAmerica.

J: So you’re taking on moreresponsibility.

N: Yeah, taking on moreresponsibility not just for myfamilythough,butforallthepeopleinmy inner circle. I’m responsiblefor I’ve been mentoring youthroughthisbookprocess.I’malsoresponsible for helping you comeoutwith the best book and all that,so I want everyone to know I’mresponsible for maybe over 100people right now plus my family.The rewards; when I see forexample let me give you theconditionsofalocksmith.ThiswasJustin Fankhauser ’s book, a guy

whoneverfinishedhighschool.Hecannot punctuate, he doesn’tcapitalise, he broughtme this draftthatwas, Ididn’thavewordsfor it.However we found the people wecould outsource to tidy it up andstill keep his voice within it. Wellthis guy has never done anydevelopment, it’s just beenexperience;buthe’sgotthemindsetofamillionaireaswellbecausehedoeshaveamilliondollarbusiness.Itwastobuildthecredibilityhewason sunrise, he was all over theradio,yesterdayhewason3awand

five seconds later he rang me andsaid what do you think? These arethepeople Iwant tohangoutwith;likehe’s so entrepreneurial andweget together and we come up withtheseideas,butthebeautyofbothofus is thatassoonaswe’vefinishedthatmeetingwe’regoinghome.

J: And people reading this,watching it, whatever, people havethis perception that entrepreneursare something that should be heldup and they’re not; and I certainlyrealiseitthatwhatentrepreneursare

tome is they see an idea or createanidea,theytakeaction.

N: That’s it! Not all ideas comethrough and you just have to pickyourselfupandgoforthenextidea.And when you come up with andmaybe in your lifetime you mightcome upwith a fewmillion dollarideas,maybe just one.But thatwillbeenough.

J:Itonlytakesone.

N:That’sright!That’sthestuffthat

IenjoyandthesearethepeoplethatIlookoutforintermsofyouknowhowcanwecollaborateaswell,it’snot about just self, so it’s like wedid a scholarship obviously, we’vedone, I give away a lot ofmy freetime; like people nowadays payhundreds of dollars to work withmeperhour,andyetanothertimeImightjustgoforacoffeeandgivesome business owner so muchstacksofvaluethattheydon’t’haveto pay me it’s just because so halfthe time I’m giving stuff away forfree and it’s having that generosity

mindset again abundance mindsetwhereby you know it’s going tocomebackinsomeway.

J: It’s the law of reciprocity.Whatyou’re going to put out there itcomesbacktenfoldifyoudoitforthe right reasons. And the otherrewards are seeing the people thatyou’re helping them becomemilliondollarbusinesses.

N:It’salmostIfeellikeIhave20or30 businesses because I do mentorabout20-25peopleoneononeand

when we’re working on thebusinessbecauseweareonthatoneon one relationship I feel like I’mgrowing those businesses as welland I’vegotan integralpart in thatso that’swhere the result isaswellso not just financially. We do interms of lifestyle in terms of therewards I calculated in the last 12months we would have done threemonth’sworthoftravellingoverall.Within 12months, sowho can saythey can take 12 weeks off everyyearandwedoitveryregularlysosomething around the mindset is

you need to work hard and playhardaswell.

J: Let’s keep this in perspective;youworkhardnow.

N:Yes,Iworkmybuttoff!Thatis,we all do work hard, but there’s acertain intensity, let’s not mix upmovement with productivity. Youcanbe in a space for12hours anddonothingoryoucanbeinaspacefor12hours anddomorework in12hoursinspiredworkin12hoursandwhatmostpeoplewoulddoina

fortnight.

WellI tookavowofsilencewouldyou call it? I had laryngitis 2-3monthsagoanditcameback,Ihaditnearly foramonthand Idecidedover this oneweekendwhere I hadthree days off actually not to talkfor 72 hours. And this is a big tiphere.

J:Howdidthatgo?

N:Ididn’tspeak,IinternalisedverymuchandIturnedoutthreemonths’

worth of work, like all myupcomingpresentationsintermsofpowerpoints,everythingonmyto-dolists,writing,lotsofinsightsandideas while I didn’t speak becauseall of a sudden I felt like mysubconscious was in rapport withmyconscious, thereforeeverythingwas coming out because I waswasting the energy. And I wasn’twastingtheenergytalking,soitwasfun it was challenging because mywhole family was around me so Iwasn’t off by myself in a silentretreat, but it is very rewarding to

doitifyoueverhave.Iwoulddoitagainover48hours.Ithink72butIdid it because I needed to comeback; my voice needed to comebackanditdidhelpit.

J: So I’m really curious with Nathere and talk to me aboutovercoming challenges, talk to meabout overcoming setbacks orperceived setbacks, the boundaries;howdoyoudealwiththat?

N: I do my best to give them adifferent meaning, because the

meaning that we place on things,people, events, situations, canalways be changed, because it’sonly our perspective of thatsituation. I do ask myself greatqualityquestions,sorather thanthefact, what does this mean, whichstraight away as human naturebrings us to themost unfavourablemeaning,it’sliketheworstmeaningwe could give ourselves and so Iwould either ask that question fiveorsixmoretimesandgowhatelsecouldthismeanandwhatelsecouldthis mean and what else could this

mean and keep getting to a pointwhere I get to a good andresourcefulanswer.

J: So chunking yourself down orup.

N:AndIdothisinmyhead!Idon’tspeak it out. The other fewquestions that I’ve actually learnedfrom Tony Robbins and I thoughtthey were really cool and I’vememorised them.Sohowcan Iusethis?And then I answer that inmyhead.What’s funnyabout this?The

minute I say theword funny I starttogetasmileonmyface.Andthenthe other one is what will I thinkabout this in5-10years’ time?AndthenwhenIaskmyselfthatquestionIgowhatever.And that’s thewholething is you need to get to a pointwhereyouare able tohandle thosethingsandgo,thevoiceinmyheadis louder than the voices on theoutside.Andifthat’slouder,you’vestartedtomasteryourlife.

J:That’sagreatinsight.Absolutelyfantastic insight. Now, Natasa I’d

like to sort of wrap it up. So I’vegota lastquestionforyouNat, forthosepeoplereadingthewordshereandI’mlovingtheinsightsandeventhough a lot of us, and someof usmay know these insights, but weforgetthem,andit’sreallypertinentthat we remind ourselves that whatare the top three things that youwouldsaytopeopleouttheretojuststart getting things moving? Whatare the top three keys to successrightnow.

N:SoI’vegotone,Ialwayssaythis

to people is follow the recipe andfollowtherecipeiswhenyouinvestintoabook,amentor,aprogram,aseminar that you’ve attended, youget resources such as these, ifsomeonehasgivenyoua recipeofhowtodoit,stepbysteplikewedidfor the goals earlier, you followthatrecipe.Don’ttrytoreinventthewheel.

J:Don’ttrytogetfunky!

N: Don’t try to reinvent the wheelbecause obviously it works and

back in history for centuries, thesuccess principles have notchanged. It’s always the same, sofollowtherecipeismynumberone.Number two is get a mentor.Absolutelygetamentor.Peoplelikemyself and Johnand there are tonsofmentors.

J:Mynextbookactuallyisalreadyabout mentoring, it’s about amentoring program that wholebookisgoingtobededicatedtothatin2014.

N:Ihavenothadamonthwithoutamentor since threemonths intomyjourney. Istartedoutand thenIgo,look,Iheardthatthisistherecipe,IheardthatamentorgetsyoufromAto B the fastest way possiblebecause they’ve been there beforeso I said to my husband when wedidn’t have the funds I just have tohirethecoachoramentor.

J:Didhejustsayyes?

N:Yeahwefigureditout.SoIhadthefirstonefor21/2years,andthe

next one for 5-6 months and nowI’monthenextone.

J:Theywere fordifferentpartsofyourbusiness?

N: Yes, now I’m for nichementoring.Thisone’sforpublicity.The past one was for marketing,like campaigns and all that, it wasstart-ups.The process, itwasmoregeneric. So that’s my number two,andnumberthreeofcourseisfromtheactiongirlherselfistakeaction.Consistent, so action and then my

favourite saying consistency isking, so take consistent action.Those are my three recipes fromsuccess coming from personalexperience; I can only talk aboutmine, I can’t talk about, I’m sureother people have taken differentpaths,butgenerallyaswesaidinthehistory of success principles andmindsets theseare the thingsyou’llfindincommonwithothersaswell.

J: Natasa I want to say a heartfeltthank you on behalf ofmyself andthose who are going to read this

bookand they’regoing tohave theopportunity to take the words anddo something with them and puttheir own twists and their ownflavour into things and movethemselves forward in life becauseeverybody wants a better life.Everybody wants happiness;everybodywants those insightsandthatsuccess.

N:Yeah.

J: Thank you so much for takingthe time out and I know how busy

youare.

N:Buythatbook!

J: I’ve seen I know how busy youare; you’vemanaged to slot in. Sothankyou!

N: Imaybebusybut I’menjoyingit.EveryweekIhavethreedaysoff,Friday Saturday Sunday. So I dointense work then we have thatspontaneous time. It can get to thatpoint;businessdoesn’thavetobeajob.Itcanactuallybealifestyleand

you do what you need to do. Butdefinitely your book would havetonsofinsights,IknowIcan’twaittoactuallyholditandproperlyreadit once it’s all written up. Andabsolutely don’t, the one thing Ialways say to people is don’t justget this shinynewobject andput ituponthebookshelf,thewholepointis don’t be wasteful with yourmoney.Ifyourespectmoneyitwillrespectyou;itwillmagnetisetoyouandeverythingthatyouinvestedin;you’ll start to reap the rewards.Nice tomeet you and connectwith

me and John whenever and as wesaidwithabundancemindsetalwayshappy to answer any questions.Yeah?

J: Cool, wonderful thanks Natasa,thanks.

N:Mypleasure!

You’ll see the details below on thebottomofthescreenorthewebsite,thanksverymuch,thankyou.

‘BecominganAuthor is somethingI’ve always dreamt of. Actually,being onewas something I had noidea how to achieve. Through thehelp of Ultimate 48 Hour Authorandtheireasy-to-follow,systemisedapproach to writing books in lessthan 48 hours, I have achievedmydream of being an author quicklyand easily. I’d like to thank Natasa& StuartDenman for their support

in this project. If you have alwayswanted to write a book, I highlyrecommendyoucontactthem.Theyhave stacks of free gifts andresources on their website that canstartyouonyourjourneytoday.’

Email:book@ultimate48hourauthor.com.au

Website:www.ultimate48hourauthor.com.au

AbouttheAuthor

John originally hails from Ireland,moving to Australia in 1992. Hecamefromanordinarybackground

with extraordinary dreams andhopes on his life’s horizon. Formany years, he enjoyed a stellarcareer in hospitality, holdingpositions as an executive chefbeforehegotintomanagementandfinallyeducation.

But it was after two consecutiveretrenchments,oneduring the2008GFC, and again in 2010 when thenew government legislation tookeffect, that he really began toquestion the direction and purposeof his life. “Iwanted to knowwhat

made me tick, and I wanted toregain control and have totalresponsibility and choice over mylife’s direction”. And so, the questof self-discovery began for theultimate prize of freedom, successandhappiness.Nowyoucanhaveittoo!

John is fanatical about ‘self’leadership and motivation,educating clients and employeesabout taking responsibility, andempoweringthemselveswithintheirlives, careers and relationships.He

says,“It’saboutfindingwhatworksfor you. What does success andhappiness mean for you? Whatinsightshaveyougot to sharewiththeworld!?”

Nonetheless, all of this is onlyachievablethrough‘self’education,and that can be a lonely path towalk.JoinJohnonhispathandgainsomeofhisinsights,tips,tools,andexercises that have helped him onhisQuestToFreedom.

His work in the corporate sector

ranges from RACV, MortgageChoice, through to the Mc DonaldReal Estate Franchise. His privateclientsareprofessionalsandseniorexecutives. He runs workshopsspecializing in the soft skills, suchas resilience in the workplace,building your ‘tribe’ from theinside out, emotional intelligence,presentation skills andmuchmore.Ifyouwanttonotonlyimprovebutgiveyour teamstheedgetoexceedand excel John will build yourbespokeworkshoporseminar.

Recommendedreadingandresources

Attractorfactor,JoeVitale

Feel the fear and do it anyway,SusanJeffers

Flourish,DrMartinSeligman

Free yourself from fears with NLP,Joseph O’Connor Life’s missinginstructionmanual,JoeVitale

The Hero With a Thousand Faces,JosephCampbell

The Values Factor, Dr JohnDemartini

Wisdom from philosophy toneuroscience,StephenS.Hall

Afterword

Congratulations you are in the top5%of peoplewho read books likethisoneandactuallygettotheend.

It has been an absolute pleasure tobring you all these insights,antidotes, tips and tools and I trustthat you’ll find some use for themin your own life. Getting to knowyourself is not an easy skill tomaster, but I promise you if you

make any efforts you will berewarded ten fold, besides if youtake your time and make it funyou’llenjoythesightsalotmore.

Writing this book didn’t happenovernightandIwon’tpretendthatitwas easy. But that’s the joy ofwriting something and putting ittogether. It’s who you become onthe journey,much thesameaswhoyou become on your trainings asyouprepareforamarathon.

I’m very open to you seeking help

fromme. Please feel free to emailjohn@johnsharkey.com.au if youhave any questions about anythingyouhavereadinthisbook.Ilovetoshare and assist others to achievethe success that is out there foreveryone.Comefromanabundancementality and have a growthmindset. Invest in your educationandmost of all, keep taking actionthatwill inspireyouandmoveyouforward in life, there’s no suchthingasstandingstill.

Howtrue is itwhenwesaysuccess

is a journeynot adestination,but Iknow deepwithin you, your SilverBox is filledwith all the resourcesyou’ll require on your Quest, socontinuetotakeaction,andsuccesswillbeyours.

Finally,aprojectlikethistakestimeand many months, it would beremissofmetonot thankaspecialpersonwhoassistedmetogethere.That person is my gorgeous wife,friend, lover, confidant, andbusiness partner, who remains assteadfast in supportingme todayas

the day we met ~ Thank you doesnotsuffice!

To receive free online self-development videos andinformation go towww.johnsharkey.com.au