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www.asianlite.com 03 Asian Lite | February 2011 News BY AHMAD SHARIQ KHAN M eet Mr Ramesh Lad! An absolutely spirited individual from Bradford. Despite being born with a disability, he has earned a laud- able life for himself, both professionally and personally. Ramesh was born in Bradford in 1962 with a disability known as phocomelia, resulting in under-developed arms and legs. The deformity was in fact caused by the drug Thalidomide, which was prescribed to his mum during pregnancy for her severe morning sickness. This condition was so unfamiliar to doctors that many parents of inflicted children were told that their children may not survive beyond their early teens. But Ramesh’s destiny had something else in store for him. Ramesh’s father emigrated from Gujarat (India) to Bradford, England, in the mid 50’s followed by his mother and two broth- ers in 1961 – all, in his words, to ‘create a better life for themselves, their children and extended family’. While his dad worked in the textile mills of Bradford, his mother was a homemaker. Today, Ramesh is happily married to Julie Bolden, also a child of immigrants whose parents were originally from Waltham Abbey, England and immigrated in the early 60’s to Vancouver, Canada. Ramesh first met Julie Bolden online in 2004. “On our first date, we had so much to talk about that we shut down the restaurant where we met for dinner and then the place where we went for dessert! We have similar senses of humour, so laughter is a constant. We accept each other, support each other and believe in each other”, says the couple. The two preferred not to go the traditional route and instead, brought some creativity to the celebration of their marriage. The couple decided to have two marriage ceremonies to honour and celebrate both cultures. “As marriage is considered to be the coming together of two families, this seemed only fitting. Our first ceremony was in Vancouver and was a civil cer- emony. It was held outside, in the garden of a hotel with 87 guests. Our reception was held on the 35th floor of the hotel. Our Hindu ceremony was held two weeks later at a hotel in Bradford with 280 guests.” says Ramesh. Ramesh and Julie wanted their Hindu ceremony to be memo- rable for all of their guests, includ- ing many people who are not of the Hindu faith and had never experienced a traditional Indian wedding. Ramesh says: “We wanted people to walk away with an understanding of what they had witnessed. We worked with the Brahman to adapt and shorten the ceremo- ny from its usual three hours to about 40 minutes, while still performing the impor- tant rituals. Our aim was to portray the beautiful aspects of the Hindu ceremony and the rituals that convey messages of respect, honour and commitment towards each other and our families. We also want- ed to prevent the chaotic scenes that often occur at Hindu weddings, with people talk- ing amongst themselves, children running around and very few people paying atten- tion to the wedding itself. We definitely achieved what we had hoped for and at the end of the ceremony the Brahman took pleasure in informing our guests that this had been an historic event, as he had com- pleted the ceremony in 40 minutes. I think some people may not have been pleased with the shortened ceremony but most peo- ple, I’m sure, were quietly relieved. We hoped our guests would come to under- stand the Hindu rituals of marriage and we believe that we succeeded. One of Julie’s uncles has even made a presentation about the wedding to his church group.” When asked about the secret of his deter- mination to not let anything come in the way of h i s dreams, Ramesh says he is fortunate to have been brought up in a family environ- ment with not just three siblings, but with an extended family of uncles, aunts, cousins and childhood friends. “They never treated me any differently. As a child, I did all the things the other kids did. I felt I was no different to anyone else and I wanted the same as them: going to college, working for a living, being independent. My family has always supported me – they may not have always agreed with what I wanted to do and on occasion I am sure I have made them quite nervous, with my extensive travels and deciding to pack up everything and move from England to Canada. Their support has always given me the confidence to believe that I could do anything,” he adds. Ramesh highlights one sad aspect of the Asian culture that tends to exclude people with disabilities from matters of the heart. He himself experienced this bias. He says, right from a young age, he had the impres- sion that marriage wasn’t going to be a part of his life. He remembers that relatives and family friends didn’t speak about marriage in relation to him in the same way that they spoke about it in relation to his brothers and cousins. “When my older brother got married, I heard a relative tell my mum that the next wedding would be my younger brother’s. I remember thinking “why not me?” and realising that as far as the relative, and real- ly the whole community, was concerned marriage was not a consideration for my future. Of course, people also thought I’d never drive, work, live alone, move by myself to another country or many of the other things I have done in my life!” Ramesh adds: “I came to believe I had no real place in Indian culture and that I should just get on with my life and work on my own goals, which involved my studies, finding work, travelling and hanging out with friends.” Today, happily married, Ramesh likes to encourage people with disabilities to seek strength from positive sources and to believe that they can find love just as their brothers and sisters do. “Don’t be held back by your culture or consumed by thoughts of finding love or marriage. By getting on with your normal life of work, socialising, travelling and such, you will meet people who will accept you for who you are and will not define you by your disability,” believes Ramesh. In their leisure time, Ramesh and Julie enjoy spending time at home with friends, taking their dog, Ty, for walks and working out at the gym. Talking about one big future plan together, the couple wish to visit India. “Neither Julie nor I have ever been to India and it is a country we would like to see together, especially as it is the birthplace of my par- ents and my roots”. Defying the Odds Ramesh’s brother and sister-in-law with the newly weds. (Below) Relatives attending the marriage in Bradford. PICS: Nirminder Matharu Julie Ramesh with her sister-in-law and other relatives just before the traditional Indian wedding ceremony
