Relationship - Beyond Pain and Pleasure

8/8/2019 Relationship - Beyond Pain and Pleasure

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Going beyond togetherness

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Taoshobuddha


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Relationship Transcending beyond Pain and P

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MEDITATION LEADS TO ULTIMATE FLOWERING

Relationship

Beyond pain and pleasure

2009, Taoshobuddha

All rights are reserved. No part of this pu

may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval s

transmitted, in any form or by any

mechanical, photocopying, recording or otwithout prior written permission of the

publisher TAOSHOBUDDHA MEDITATIO

TAOSHOBUDDHA.

Printed and Published by: TAOSHOBUDDHA MEDI

Cover design and graphics:Anand Neelamber,

leasure

lication

stem or

means,

erwise,original

S and

ATIONS


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Relationship Transcending beyond Pain and Pleasure

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Taoshobuddha

The word Taoshobuddha comes from three words, tao, sho, andBuddha. The word Tao was coined by the Chinese master, Lau Tzu.It means that which is and cannot be put into words. It is

unknown and unknowable. It can only be experienced and notexpressed in words. Its magnanimity cannot be condensed into

finiteness. The word Sho implies, that which is vast like the sky anddeep like an ocean and carries within its womb a treasure. It also

means one on whom the existence showers its blessings. And lastly

the word Buddha implies the Enlightened One; one who has arrivedhome.

Thus, Taoshobuddha implies one who is existential, on whom the

existence showers its blessings and one who has arrived home. TheEnlightened One!


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Going beyond togetherness


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uman relationship is very delicate

phenomena. Each relationship is the way

for the continuation of souls journey. Evolvingout of the womb of the unconscious and

subconscious (past) it journeys towardsfruition. However all that happens in this

process actually happens this very moment.This requires awareness, and understanding ofmany things. In the process of its journey each

individual gets lost and fruition never happens.

The pain or pleasure remains the outcome.

Transcendence beyond these requires

awareness. And unless transcendence happensone cannot really understand the purpose of

relationship.

For the purpose of understanding I dividerelationships into two categories.

1. Static or Blood relationships

This relationship is Static in nature. This is also

known as Blood relationship. This does not

evolve. Your father, mother, brother, sister, andchildren remain the same. As a result the nature

H


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of such relationship does not envisage too many

variations and changes.

2. Dynamic or Self Chosen Relationships

Particularly I am referring to Self Chosenrelationships. This category includes male female relationship within the parameter of

marriage or where sex is also involved. Suchrelations are self chosen. In this category also

comes friendship as this is self chosen. This

type of relationship I call Dynamic Relationship.The growth depends on your awareness. From

awareness evolves your understanding. Your

mind, dogmas, belief patterns etc come to playdominant role.

The basis of each relationship is love and itsunderstanding. Love remains nonchalant in

static relationship. Things are taken for granted.

Nature of love never changes. However in thedynamic relationship love undergoes through

various stages. It begins from the gross and

aspires to attain fruition. In fact dynamicrelationship is the journey of transcendence oflove from baser to the precious. It is journey

from the worldly love to love divine. At its peak


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love becomes friendliness or the quality of your

being. Then it does not remain relationship

anymore.

It is this aspect of the relationship that is the

concern of humanity. This relationship issignificant in many ways. It is not based onblood. Yet still it is the basis of all blood

relationships. All blood relations evolve out ofthis alone. The existential energy as Shiva and

Shakti; or Purush and Prakriti is at play as the

basis of this energy field. In scientific terms wecan say it is the interplay of positive and

negative energies. The entire process of

evolution takes place because of thisinteraction. As we are entering into this realm afew things have to be understood first.

Self chosen implies, the two persons guided by

their sub conscious and unconscious states of

awareness have chosen the other as part of thisrelationship. This cannot be wrong when it

comes to souls journey. Your sub conscious

and unconscious is part of total consciousness.This decision cannot be erroneous as far assouls journey is concerned.


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Soul seeks evolution from this state. And it

wants to attain freedom from the bondage of

body-mind mechanism. It is the sub consciousand unconscious that begins this journey. In the

process you have to journey through dark caves

of the soul. These dark caves are created byyour dogmas, religious beliefs and the mind.The moment mind comes to play its role

problem begins. This you need to understand.You have to trust your initial judgment. As you

traverse through these caves many emotions,

feelings etc emerge and mind fails tounderstand this for the continuation of the

journey. In the absence of understanding we

tend to abandon the one relation and want totake another course. Thus we remainthroughout a traveler and never find a place of

rest. In the desert of Misery, and pain youexperience occasional oasis of pleasure or

happiness.

To transcend beyond pain and pleasure and

thus attain to the state of bliss you need to

understand certain things.


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1. Start being honest and true when you

enter into relationship. And only that allow the

same to your partner as well.2. Start dropping all deception, masks,

faces.

3. They have become habit. So unless youdrop them consciously and deliberately, theyare never dropped and therefore continue to

hang around the neck.

And much pain will come this way. For example,

you are going with her and you see a beautifulwoman and you say to her that you are pulled

by this woman and her beauty. A great desire to

possess her has arisen in you. You are honest.Not that you are going to possess her, but thedesire has arisen. There is fear in you. You are

caught into two situations. If you are honest andthere is lack of understanding in the other this

will create a serious problem. To appreciate and

encounter such situation is quite natural. Insuch a situation if you are honest problem

comes and if you are dishonest that two will

create problem.

Ordinarily you feel it is better not to say such

things to your woman. Even if she catches you


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red-handed still you never confess. And she will

catch you many times, because your eyes will

show. When you look at another woman who isbeautiful and attractive and suddenly a desire

arises in you. Unconscious is playing its role.

You cannot do anything right now about it. It isnatural for such situations to arise. To doanything is possible only when it has arisen, not

before it. But it has arisen now. You can repressit but you cannot do anything else.

Even if the woman catches you, you would liketo pretend that no, it was not that. You were

looking at something else. Do not be untrue.

Then you will be vulnerable to pain. And startby being vulnerable to pain because everybodywants to be open for pleasure and nobody

wants to be open for pain. And the arithmetic is:if you are open to pain, only then can you be

open to pleasure. They are directly proportional

to one another. If you are not open to pain youcannot be open to pleasure. That is why there

are so many people in the world, each

hankering for pleasure, and everybody is in painbecause they have taken a wrong step from thevery beginning.


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And let her also be true, allow her truth. Do not

force her to repress. Allow freedom. By and by

you will learn the bitter-sweet taste of it. It isbitter and sweet both at the same time. And if

you can become available to pain, nobody can

prevent you from becoming available topleasure or joy. You have earned it. By goinginto pain one earns and learns how to be in

pleasure or joy.

So just start opening by and by. And there is no

need to do it all of a sudden and too much, atone time? Because that can destroy a

relationship!

Go in small doses slowly and slowly. Just show alittle part of your real face and not the whole

face at one time. By and by let the mask slip. Letthe mask be loose. Then one day you can

remove it totally. And she will also feel very

happy by and by, because when you startbecoming open, you help her also to become

open. It works in a reciprocal way. She becomes

open. You become more courageous.

And when this opening brings pain you will see

that it has brought a totally new quality to pain.


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It is a quality that is very refreshing. It is painful

and yet cleansing, painful yet worthwhile. It

brings something. It brings integration andsome clarity too. And makes you more aware!

Pain always makes people aware. When you

consciously go into it and there was everypossibility that you could have avoided it. Thewoman was not with you and you came home

and you told her that a beautiful woman passedon the road and suddenly a great desire arose in

you and you did not know from where. Now

there was no need. She was not with you. Youcould have easily avoided it. But it is not good to

avoid. When you have given your heart to a

woman you have to share everything that arisesin your heart. There should not be anythingprivate. Everything should be shared.

Pain and pleasure both should be shared.

Normally this is not so. We only want to share

pleasure. Purposely I am using the wordpleasure because pain and pleasure go together

as pairs of opposites.

This authenticity will bring an intimacy which isnot the ordinary intimacy of married couples.

Married people are never intimate. They simply


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pretend to be intimate. Their intimacy has

motives in it. Maybe to pretend to be intimate is

good for the children. To pretend to be intimateis good for ones own financial affairs, future

securities, respectability in the society. But

intimacy is not there. It is more a formal thing. Ithappens always like this in almost all therelations. There are no moments of silence

between couples. As lover and beloved therehave always been moments of silence. Then you

could remain silent just holding the hands

together and feeling the surge of refreshingenergy. Or you can go on looking at one another.

Such is the not the situation between husband

and wives. They are always talking no, no, noquarrelling all the while and they get silent onlywhen they are angry after the wrestling bout.

You may be fighting with your woman and a

friend knocks on the door. Suddenly everything

changes and you start smiling. The mind comesin and everything is going so beautifully. And

just a moment before you were ready to kill

each other! What happened? This is just a socialface. You are not only deceiving the friendinstead you are deceiving yourself too.


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So I am telling you to move into pain. It is

arduous, dangerous in the beginning. One never

knows what will happen but one thing is certainthat if you can move through pain, pain will

cleanse you of many impurities, of many gross

elements in you. Certainly it will make you moresubtle and more aware too. And through painyou will become available to pleasure also.

When one is ready to suffer pain there is nopoint in repressing pleasure.

We repress pleasure because we are afraid thatif we allow pleasure to have total possession the

pain will also come with it. It is its other side of

the coin. It will come certainly. So people do notgo into pleasure totally! They go verycautiously. Even while making love people do

not abandon themselves. They remain incontrol. A subtle control, a remote control, they

continue with. They keep the button in their

hand somewhere. If something goes too far andthey are crossing the boundary, they turn it off.

But they never go to the very end of it.

The fear is that if you go too much into pleasureyou may be entering the forbidden territory of

pain. It is always there. And this is the pain.


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So start with pain. And if you can be open in

pain! And if you want some time to cry, cry!Where else will you cry if you cannot cry before

your woman? Forget all nonsense that has been

taught that a man never cries. If a man nevercries, he is not a man. Either he is inhuman or heis superhuman, but one thing certain: he is not

man. Cry sometimes. Share your sorrow, yoursadness. Weep like a child in totality. Crying will

clear many suppressed emotions. Crying is

therapeutic.

And the same I am saying to your partner. She

has to do the same. And by and by you will seethat a great INTIMACY is arising which hasnothing to do with society. And with that

intimacy much happiness will happen. You willexplode into happiness.

But begin with pain, and always remember thateverything has to begin in pain. Meditate

together and open your hearts as they are.

Sometimes wrong, sometimes rotten, and othertimes not worth showing to anybody yet stillshow it to your beloved. In this way you will

also help her to show everything. And when all


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the cards are open you are not even holding a

trump card a new kind of intimacy arises on its

own accord.For me Intimacy implies, Before you I will be

totally nude. I will not hide anything. That is

what intimacy is all about. Intimacy is notbiological nudeness. Intimacy is psychologicalnudeness. It is, When you are in the room, I will

be as if I am alone. Your presence will not makeme repress something. Your presence will not

make me change and show something else

which is not there. I will be as natural as I am inthe bathroom when I am alone! Then there is

intimacy.

There is a risk in it! One never knows what willcome out of it. But one thing can be said

certainly, whatsoever comes will be beautiful. Ifseparation comes out of it, it will be beautiful,

better, more beautiful than the so-called

marriage. If marriage comes out of it, it will betremendously beautiful. If there is existing

relationship it will continue its journey for

fruition.

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Relationship - Beyond Pain and Pleasure

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