RELATIONSHIPS

History of relationships research Pre1960s

Festinger, Schachter, & Bach, 1950 1960s-70s

Newcomb, 1961 Byrne, 1961 Walster, Aronson, Abrahams, & Rottman, 1966 Dutton & Aron, 1974

1980s Love, Investment model

1990s Evolutionary psych

2000s “Real” relationships

People say that physical attraction isn’t that important, but research shows that it is

Predictors of attraction (target) Physical attractiveness (similar across

cultures) Females: large lips, high cheekbones,

big eyes, small nose Men: strong jaw, big eyes, large smile Facial symmetry

“Averaged” faces are more symmetrical http://www.faceresearch.org/demos/aver

age

And it doesn’t just matter for romantic relationships Physically attractive children are punished

less Physically attractive defendants get lighter

sentences Plain people make 5-10% less than average-

looking people, who make about 4% less than very physically attractive people (controlling for gender, education, occupation, etc.)

Strong consensus across cultures Why?

What is beautiful is good stereotype (Snyder, Tanke, & Berscheid, 1978)

Physically attractive seen as moreSociable ExtravertedHappy PopularFriendly MatureSexually warm LikeableWell-adjusted Poised

In US/Canada, also strong, assertive, and dominant

In S. Korea, also sensitive, honest, empathic, trustworthy, generous

What else affects attraction? Other target or perceiver or situation

variables?

What’s the story on similarity vs. complementarity?

Fertility effects on women Women prefer the smell of symmetrical and

genetically dissimilar men when they are ovulating (and similar men otherwise)

Women dress more fashionably They buy sexier clothing They make more money if they use

attractiveness to make money They are attracted to more masculine men

(e.g., strong jaw, deep voice, tall) They flirt more

Fertility effects on men When a man’s partner is ovulating, he is

More attentiveMore jealousSees other men as more of a threat

Major theoretical approaches Social exchange theory (Blau, 1964) Equity theory (Walster, Walster, & Berscheid,

1978) Interdependence theory (Thibaut & Kelley,

1959) Investment model (Rusbult, 1990) Attachment theory (Hazan & Shaver, 1987) Evolutionary psychology (Buss, Kenrick) Communal vs. exchange relationships (Clark)

More recent theories Vulnerability-stress-adaptation model

(Karney & Bradbury) Diathesis-stress model (Simpson &

Rholes) Risk regulation model (Murray &

Holmes)

Investment Model (Rusbult) Commitment (whether you stay in a

relationship) is predicted bySatisfaction

○ Rewards – costs○ What you expect in a relationship (comparison

level)Alternatives (comparison level for

alternatives)Investments

Investment model Predicts 50-90% of commitment in

relationships of all types (dating, marriage, domestic abuse, homosexual, jobs)

Predicts willingness to accommodate Predicts when people will derogate

alternatives EVLN How does it differ from equity?

Attachment Bowlby Ainsworth “Strange Situation” Secure, Avoidant, Anxious-ambivalent Hazan & Shaver, 1987 Avoidance vs. Ambivalence as separate

dimensionsSecurePreoccupiedFearful avoidantDismissive avoidant

SecureI find it relatively easy to get close to

others an am comfortable depending on them and having them depend on me. I don’t often worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close.

Avoidant I am somewhat uncomfortable being

close to others. I feel it difficult to trust them completely, difficult to allow myself to depend on them. I am nervous when anyone gets close and often romantic partners want me to be more intimate than I feel comfortable being.

Anxious/ambivalent I find that others are reluctant to get as

close as I would like. I often worry that my partner doesn’t really love me or won’t stay with me. I want to merge completely with another person, and this desire sometimes scares people away.

More recent measures of attachment Adult Attachment Interview (George,

Kaplan, & Main, 1985) ECR-R (Fraley, Waller, & Brennan,

2000) List of measures

Attachment theory (Bowlby, Hazen & Shaver, Feeney, Simpson) Our experiences with parents and later partners

can affect how we view relationships Views of others vs. views of self What is the problem with looking at these

categorically? When does someone become an attachment figure?What is main point of Attachment theory?

Diathesis-stress model (Simpson & Rholes, 2012) What characterizes secure vs. anxious vs.

avoidant adults? Which threats activate which orientations? Acute vs. chronic stressors How does each orientation react to stress? Figure 6.1 What moderates these effects? Parenting studies

What are anxious and avoidant people most worried about?

What types of support do they need? Can attachment orientations change? How much is childhood experience and

how much is intimate partner exp? How do attachment styles interact? Do orientations differ by culture? Issues with this approach?

Cavallo, Murray, & Holmes, 2014 Commitment insurance system Seek connection vs. avoid rejection When does this model apply more? Is trust a matter of the individual or his/her

partner? Is self-esteem a good operationalization of trust? How do attachment styles relate to the model? Why would this be a controlled process? What is the “smart unconscious”?

Moderators of risk regulation Whether immediate or distant (not tied to

certain relationship) threats Chronic trust in the partner Self-esteem Attachment anxiety How do these factors relate to anxious vs.

avoidant attachment and their reactions? How does this affect initiation of

relationships?

Rules If = ptr, then ptr committed

Find similar mate valueMaintain matchComparisons change commitment (lke

Swann study) ○ Doubt of self leads low SE to doubt ptr○ High SE to think ptr loves them more

If exchange concerns, promote dependence

If ptr dependent, then = ptr If ptr committed, pursue connectedness

Low SE responds to rejection w/ withdrawal How different from attachment?

Is low SE = anxious attachment? Avoidant attachment?

Similarities between theories Cognitive dissonance and

Risk regulationAttachmentInvestment

Three with each other What implications do the three have for

how to make a relationship work?

What predicts relationship success? Individual factors Quality of interactions Circumstances

How to have a good relationship Have surprise (Berscheid, 1983) Do novel, exciting activities (Aron) Make positive attributions Assume they love you and make them

feel loved (Murray) Remember the positive Think you’re better than other couples Be accurate but positive (Fletcher)

How interconnected are we? Six degrees of Kevin Bacon

It also only takes about 6-7 steps to get to another person in the same country by mail

Or to anyone among the millions of people on the internet (email study and Microsoft messenger project)

So can the internet help you find love? By 2005, 37% of single people who

used the internet used it to date online (higher today)

By 2007-2009, more relationships began online than any other method other than meeting through friends

What types of internet dating are available? How would these differ in terms of

access communication matching?

Table 1

History of online dating Walster et al. study from 1960s Project Cupid Early computer dating Video dating Match in 1995 eHarmony in 2000 Apps in 2008

Stigma Is there a stigma to online dating? Why or why not? Why has it become more popular?

Process Who uses it? What makes it different from other types

of relationship initiation processes? How well do matching algorithms work? Why is it difficult to test whether they

work? How would you do that? What is good/bad about CMC?

How would you make a better online dating machine?

More deceptive ads Use fewer “I” and “me” Use more negative phrases (e.g., “not

judgmental” instead of “open-minded”) Use fewer words overall

Speed dating https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4hO

KtyQMZeE

Breakups Who falls in love first? Who says it first? Who does hearing it make happiest? Who falls out of love faster? Who initiates more breakups? Who is more interested in staying

friends?

Gottman research http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1oB6z

NcLIH0 4 horsemen of the apocalypse

ContemptStonewallingDefensivenessCriticism

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fTAKtDB8fY

Love (80s) Rubin’s love scale http://

psychcentral.com/lib/rubins-love-scale-and-rubins-liking-scale/000792

Companionate vs. passionate love (Berscheid & Walster, 1978)

Sternberg’s triangular theory (intimacy, passion, commitment)

Love styles (Henrick & Henrick) eros, ludus, storge, mania, agape, pragma http://

www.fetzer.org/sites/default/files/images/stories/pdf/selfmeasures/Different_Types_of_Love_LOVE_ATTITUDES_SHORT.pdf

Sternberg’s love as a theory (scripts) How can love be best conceptualized?

Passionate vs. companionate love Passionate: intense longing with arousal. I

would feel deep despair if X left me. My thoughts are often on X. I would rather be with X than anyone else. X always seems to be on my mind.

Companionate love: intimacy and affection. I have confidence in the stability of my relationship with X. I am committed to X. I expect my love for X to last the rest of my life.

Sternberg’s triangular theory

Measurement issues, etc. IOS (Aron) Experimental induction of closeness

(Aron) RCI (Berscheid)

Frequency, strength, diversity Are we accurate vs. enhancing about

our relationships?

Evolutionary psych Parental investment model (Trivers) What is attractive Long vs. short term strategies Jealousy Scent Rape Avoiding temptation Warding off rivals

Evolutionary arguments for these effects Parental investment model For women, good genes and status

should be important in a man For men, good genes, age, and fertility

cues (e.g., waist-to-hip ratio) should be important

Cultural/situational effects as well (in most cultures men have more resources and are the “approachers” in relationships

Jealousy effects Imagine your partner having sex with

someone else. Imagine your partner sharing his/her

deepest secrets with someone else.

Which would bother you more?

Men—more sexual jealousy Women—more emotional jealousy But:

Does one imply the other?Are men just more affected by thinking

about sex? Or are men just more avoidant?Hard to test in the real world