Relevant child development literature As part of parent education

To build a working alliance Demonstrates knowledge base Child-focused

As rationale for positions in dispute resolution

2

Categories of Parent Education

Normative parent-child relationships and distortions associated with parent conflict

Child development research Attachment formation, maintaining

attachment relationships after separation Age related cognitive, linguistic, social,

emotional capacities and needs Age related normative behaviors

3

Example: Using Child Development

Dispute about what type of summer camp for 7 year old boy: Father promotes 2 week sleepover camp, says it

will “toughen” him up and he needs that Mother disagrees, says boy has rarely slept

apart from parents, promotes 2 week day camp with 1 overnight each week

PC educates about lengthy separations, checks on child’s reactions to prior separations from parents, whether child is going with a friend, interviews child for his ideas/feelings about both options, provides feedback to parents, mediates agreement

High Conflict Impact on Children

Separation Difficulties, loyalty conflicts

Parentification - attachment insecurity

Surreal sense of “not existing” In the Name of the Child – Johnston & Roseby

Impaired reality testing Inaccurate perceptions, evaluative processes

Breeding ground for personality pathology

FAMILY DYNAMICS IN SEPARATION AND DIVORCE

IMPACT OF PARENTAL CONFLICT ON CHILDREN

Johnston and Roseby ’97

Disruptions of normal development due to exposure to contradictory realities of right and wrong

Belief in self and competence undermined

Distortions of information to maintain own view point

FAMILY DYNAMICS IN SEPARATION AND DIVORCE

IMPACT OF PARENTAL CONFLICT ON CHILDREN

Johnston & Campbell ’88

4 principle methods children use to cope:

1. MANEUVERING

masters at manipulating their parents to get their needs met

slowly learn to take care of themselves first and always

fail to learn empathy or compassion

become skilled at manipulating others for their own gain

FAMILY DYNAMICS IN SEPARATION AND DIVORCE

IMPACT OF PARENTAL CONFLICT ON CHILDREN

2. EQUILIBRATING

diplomats par excellence—mediators

capable of withstanding high degree of conflict

try desperately to keep everything under control.

appear composed, well organized and competent, while underneath perpetually anxious

learn to hide their feelings and to seek safe ways to stay out of parental disputes

FAMILY DYNAMICS IN SEPARATION AND DIVORCE

IMPACT OF PARENTAL CONFLICT ON CHILDREN

3. MERGING

enmeshed in the contest between their parents

lose sense of self: unable to identify own thoughts and opinions

arrested at the developmental level of 6 – 8 year old

continue to side with the parent they are with more of the time--imitate

split their identities in half and have little individual sense of themselves

FAMILY DYNAMICS IN SEPARATION AND DIVORCE

IMPACT OF PARENTAL CONFLICT ON CHILDREN

4. DIFFUSING

the most dysfunctional and disorganized

respond to parents conflict same way they respond to other forms of stress

not strong enough to cope with high conflict

unable to develop adequate coping mechanisms; few resources

shatter emotionally—fall apart

Including Children in the Parenting Coordination Process

Why Talk to Children and Adolescents in the PC Process?

Child is brought into focus for parents

Child’s voice provides PC with more integrated and reliable view of family

Children are good observers of family life

Child feels acknowledged and heard

PC obtains input relevant to parental disputes and appropriate PC decisions

Why Talk to Children and Adolescents in the PC Process? (cont.)

PC provides relevant feedback to parents re: what is important to child

Talking to child enhances PC credibility with parents and children

Listening to children is not = to letting children make decisions

PC has long-term relationship with family

(Gallop et al, 2000; Kelly, 2002, 2008; Sanchez & Kibler-Sanchez, 2004)

Including Children in PC Process: Advantages for PC and Children

Understand the child’s experience in the high conflict family

Explore how things are working for child: Parenting plan and transitions Parenting of each parent (emotional support,

discipline, communication about and with other parent)

Parent-child and sibling relationships School, homework, friends

Including Children in PC Process: Advantages for PC and Children (cont.)

Explore children’s specific desires & ideas about parent disputes re: summer plans, activities, sports, parental attendance at events, therapy, etc.

Listening to children paradoxically takes them out of the middle of parent disputes

PC can support child’s desire not to be used to express parental anger/disputes

Children’s Views on Being Included in Divorce Processes: Research

Positive evaluations of the opportunity to be heard (in all forums studied) Feel acknowledged re: centrality of issues to their

lives Think it leads to better decisions & outcomes Most feel comfortable in interview situation

rather than courtroom

(Cashmore & Parkinson, 2008; Gallop et al 2000; IICRD evaluation, 2008; Kelly, 2002; Smart & Neale, 2000)

Children’s Views on Being Included in Divorce Processes: Research (cont.)

In contested cases with history of violence, abuse, and/or high conflict, children prefer to talk directly with a judge, compared to uncontested cases

They want to ensure that their views are heard correctly – tend not to trust parents’ lawyers, evaluators, court mediators

(Cashmore & Parkinson, 2008; Parkinson, et al, 2007)

Research on Interviewing Children:Parents’ Views

Majority of parents felt that children should be heard

Reasons: procedural justice, fairness, “it’s their life”, better decisions and outcomes

More parents than children worried about pressure & manipulation of views of child

Uncertain about appropriate age (unlike children who said those over age of 7 should be listened to)

(Cashmore & Parkinson, 2008)

Most Children and Adolescents are Clear…

They want to be involved and heard in matters that affect them

They understand the difference between providing input and making decisions

They prefer voluntary input and want the right not to be heard

Many wish they could talk with family members rather than professionals

(Cashmore & Parkinson, 2008; Gollop, et al, 2000; Kelly, 2002; Kelly, 2007; Parkinson & Cashmore, 2008; Smith et al, 2003; Smart, 2002; Taylor, 2006)

When Might the PC Choose Not to Include Children (cont.)

Parents are able to reach agreement on disputes with the PC’s assistance

Dispute not directly relevant to child

Child is too young to provide reliable information

Child has strong anxiety or opposition to participating in process

Child traumatized by violence, abuse, mental illness, afraid of talking about their views

(Kelly, 2002; Saposnek, 2004; Warshak, 2003)

Potential Risks for PC in Listening to Children

Child vulnerable to parent pressure and manipulation

Child fears punitive response by parent

Child worried about parental well-being

Unstable opinions and wishes

Unhealthy identification with a parent

What child says he/she wants may not be in child’s best interest

(Saposnek, 2004; Warshak, 2003)

Potential Problems of PCs in Talking to Children

PC lacks understanding of children’s cognitive & developmental abilities and psychological needs

Poor interview techniques yield poor information PC uses confirmatory strategies to get answers that PC

wants or thinks are correct PC language and questions not age appropriate PC approach is too therapeutic, vague, lacking structure,

unfocused

Dismissal of child’s views by PC

(Kelly, 2002)