Reports L2

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Lesson 2 Page 1 of 14LAN4107 E&C: Reports (AS)

Student Package

Languages Discipline, Hong Kong Institute of Vocational Education

Lesson 2: Introduction to Workplace Reports (2)

Learning Objectives:

Task 1 Revision

Task 1a Headings

In the previous lesson, you have learnt that noun phrases and parallel

structures are usually used to craft headings in a report. Now, skim

Reports A and B on the next two pages and fill in the missing

headings/sub-headings. Then, in Report C, re-write the headings

underlined by giving more information about the content of the section.

Task 1b The purposes of reports

As mentioned in the previous lesson, most reports serve the following purposes:

to inform, to analyse or to persuade. Summarise the purposes of Reports A, B

and C in the table below:

Purpose Report A Report B Report C

To inform

To analyse

To persuade

By the end of this lesson, you should be able to:

recognise the audience and identify the purpose of workplace reports; use a reader-oriented approach in report writing; adopt appropriate style and tone for different kinds of workplace reports; and craft more concise sentences in reports.


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(A) FirstQuarterlyReportRetirementVillageConstructionPurposeofreportThis

is

our

first

quarterly

report

on

the

RetirementVillageinEastKowloon.Weare

in the startup phase of our companys

building plans for the retirement village

and surrounding site enhancements. The

plans include (1) constructing the main

building for the retirementvillage,parking

lots,anoutdoorfountainandmaintenance

facilities; and (2) landscaping the

surroundingsiteanddevelopingsignage.

___________________________

Inthisfirstquarter,wehavecompletedthe

following:

ArrangementswithsubcontractorTim Bolton (Project Management) and

Jenny Tam (Finance) held two preliminary

meetingswithourprimary subcontractor,

Kamon Construction Ltd. By 20 February

20, three site visitswere completed and

the construction schedules had been

confirmed.

___________________________

Once site visits were held and work

schedules agreed upon, our Public

Relations Department acquired the

Certificate of Compliance from the Lands

Departmenton28February,20.

ObtainingEPDapprovalThe Environmental ProtectionDepartment

(EPD) approved our construction plans on

15March20.Wearewithintheguidelines

foremissioncontrols,pollution,andhabitat

endangermentconcerns.

___________________________

Theareasetasidefortheoutdoorfountain

had a heavy rock concentration. We

believed this would cause no problem.

Unfortunately, when dredging began, we

hit rock, which had to be removed with

explosives. This rock removal task has

slowed our progress and will affect our

budget.

___________________________

To complete our project, we need to

accomplishthefollowing:

SignageWith new roads being constructed for

entrance and exit, our Transportation

Departmentisworkingonstreetsignageto

helpthepublicnavigateournewroads.

___________________________

Weare

working

with

Smith

Enterprise

to

landscapetheretirementvillage,roadsand

outdoor fountain.OurArchitecturalDesign

Team is selecting and ordering plants, as

wellasdirectingaplantingschedule.

___________________________

The construction of the entire retirement

villageisthelargestremainingtask.

Projectcompletion

Although the project has just begun, we

have completed around 10% of thework.

Weanticipateasuccessfulcompletionwith

only a slight delay of onemonth for the

extraworkontheoutdoorfountain.


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(B) Report on new purchases and training for Alpha Pharmaceutical Co., Ltd.

Purpose

The purpose of this report is to study how

the purchase of equipment and training will

best meet Alpha Pharmaceutical

Companys communication needs and

budget. Our analysis is shown below for

the managements consideration.

Existing problems

After observation and interview with staff

regarding our daily operations, which

mostly involve liaising with buyers,

handling customers enquiries and

following-up orders, the following

problems have been identified:

Twelve new employees have been hired

since November, increasing our headcount

to 24. However, only 12 functional laptops

and 5 printers are available now and this

slows down the work procedures of the

company. Moreover, staff training is

inadequate, especially when we have

installed a new software programme for

our inventory management system.

___________________________

The management has agreed in the last

meeting to allocate $80,000 for additional

equipment and training.

Possible solutions

Purchasing new laptops and printers

Twelve additional laptops are needed for

each employee to have an individual laptop

for work and at least 7 more printers haveto be purchased if every two employees

are sharing one printer. The most

affordable laptop and printer on the

market would cost $7,500 and $3,000 per

unit respectively. Thus, the total cost

would be $111,000. Even with discounts,

this exceeds our budget.

______________________________

The total cost for purchasing used

laptops and printers would be around

$72,000, which is about 35% less that

buying brand new equipment. However,

this solution may involve extra costs.

______________________________

The manufacturer can provide training

on the new software. Training during office

hours can be offered Monday through

Friday, starting next month. According to

the trainers, effective training must entail

at least 5 hours of hands-on practice. The

cost for this would be $6,000 for all staff. In

case training outside office hours is

required, a 30% extra charge will incur.

___________________________

To conclude, training is essential and

releasing staff for training during office

hours can save costs. As for equipment

purchase, brand new laptops and printers

would be impossible as it exceeds our

budget. Although buying used equipment

would be cheaper, it will cost us extra time

and maintenance fees.


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Student Package


(C) Online storage service for Exatech

Introduction

Informative heading: ____________

With the increasing number of engineers

and technicians working out of office or out

of town, Exatech would like to explore

means to help them make use of the online

storage services available on the market to

access, edit and store work information on

smartphones or computers. This report will

compare two most popular online storage

services, Briefcase and C-Drive, and make

recommendations on which service will best

meet the needs of Exatech and its

employees.

Methodology


While Briefcase and C-Drive provide similar

basic functions for data storage, it is crucial

to examine their differences in storage

space and features in order to make the

right choice for the company.

Discussion

Criterion 1Informative heading: ____________

Both services offer a limited free storage

space (2GB to 5GB) and larger storage with

a monthly fee. With Briefcase, its basic plan

provides 50GB of space at nearly $80 a

month; while C-Drive offers unlimited

storage space at around $90 a month. So

C-Drive should be a more ideal choice for

users with greater storage demands.

Criterion 2


A strong point for Briefcase has to be its

remarkably clean and simple interface. Still,

it allows automatic backups, file sharing and

file versioning which are very easy to

operate. A special feature which most users

will be pleased to have is that it can restore

any file deleted from the account. C-Drive,

in contrast, provides more additional

features, for example music library,

photo/video-editing tool, which may serve

overlapping purposes with other software

already installed on the users device.

However, its interface is rather cumbersome

to use and navigate compared to

Briefcases.

Troubleshooting and technical resources are

available for both services. But when we

compare the two services direct customer

support, Briefcase is responding instantly

through live chat or telephone, but the

response time for C-Drive may span at least

a few days.

Conclusion

On the whole, both online storage services

provide easily accessible cloud storage that

allows employees to view and share filesfrom anywhere, anytime. C-Drive has a

lower unit cost as it provides a package with

unlimited storage space, but Briefcase is

relatively easier to use and better

supported.

Recommendation

As Exatechs staff are constantly handling

large files, for instance, videos and photos

of site inspection, C-Drive should be more

ideal as it has no storage space limit.Demonstration and training, however, will

have to be arranged for staff to help them

get started with C-Drive, and in-house

technical support should be available via

phone or email.


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Task 2 Reader-centred approach

Before you start writing, you must ask yourself these questions: Who are your readers?

Why are they reading your report? What do they need/expect from you? These questions

will guide you to choose the right information and use the appropriate language for your

report.

Task 2a Writing for different readers

Work with a partner. Compare the two extracts below. They are taken from two reports

written for different readers. Then complete the audience evaluation form that follows.

Extract 1: A report for manufacturers

InstallingdynamicdemandcontrolsystemsDynamicdemandcontrolsystemscanbe fittedtoelectricalappliancesthatoperateonduty

cycles.Heatingandrefrigerationunitsareexamplesofpowerhungryequipmentthatoperateon

thiscycle.

Dynamicsystemsexploitthefactthatdutycycleappliancesdonotrequirecontinuouspower.

Thepurposeofthesystemsistohelpsmoothpowerdemandforthebenefitofelectricutilities.To

achievethis,theydelaythestartupoftheappliancestheycontrolduringperiodsofpeakdemand.

However,onlyminoradjustmentsaremadetotimingas,generally,theappliancesconcernedcan

onlybeheldonstandby forshortperiodsastheyneedtorunonacontinualbasis.Butthisstill

benefitselectricutilitiesasithelpstoavoidproblematic,momentaryblipsonthedemandcurve.

Dynamic controls work by detecting slight fluctuations in the frequency of themains AC

supply.Althoughthisvariesonlywithinaverynarrowrange,smalldropsdynamiccontrolsystem

cantherefore

hold

the

appliance

on

standby

for

ashort

time

until

mains

frequency

increases

again.

Extract 2: A report for consumers

SavingenergywithdynamicdemandcontrolsystemsHeatersandrefrigeratorsareelectricalapplianceswithhighenergyconsumption,astheyare

operating continuously at high energy level. However, if these appliances are fitted with our

dynamicdemandcontrolsystems,moreenergycanbesavedandtheappliancescanstillfunction

normally.Thisdemandcontrolsystemcanhelpuserssaveenergybyautomaticallydelaying the

startup

time

after

the

appliance

reaches

maximum

power

supply,

and

only

minor

adjustments

are

madetotimingastheapplianceconcernedwillneedtobeturnedbackonandkeeprunning.That

means,itcansaveenergywithoutaffectingtheoperationoftheappliance.


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Reader Evaluation Form

Extract 1 2

Type of audience Specialist / Semi-specialist Lay reader (with no/verylittle knowledge about your

field of expertise

Purpose

Criteria

Content

amount of background choice of details

More background forthe electrical

appliances, i.e. theheater/refrigerator

Not too many detailsabout the systems

operation

Language

use of abbreviations/acronyms/ words

formality

a lot of technical terms used

(e.g. refrigeration units, duty

cycle, AC supply);

rather formal (e.g. on a

continual basis instead of

continuously, requireinstead of need)and

impersonal (no use of personal

pronoun)

Specialists (e.g. pharmacists, dispensers) understand the terminology

of their field. Reports written for them can include jargon, acronyms or

abbreviations. They require minimal detail regarding standard

procedures or technical theories. The language used in reports for

specialists may be more formal and complicated as more complex

ideas may be involved.

Lay readers are unfamiliar with your subject matter. Therefore,

you should make your writing simple and easy to comprehend.

Jargon should be avoided and any unfamiliar terms should be

explained if necessary.


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Building rapport with your reader

Getting your audience involved in your writing can help persuade them to accept your view

willingly. This requires an appropriate tone for the target audience.

Task 2b Avoiding negatives

Positive words motivate. They are much more appealing to the audience

compared to negative ones. Even when you need to bring up a negative idea,

try using a more neutral tone. Which of the following looks more acceptable

to you? Why?

____ is more acceptable because ___________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________.

Read the extracts below. Underline the negative word(s) and rewrite the sentences with a

more neutral/positive tone.

(1) The delay is our technicians fault. They did not inspect the site thoroughly.

(2) To keep our project on schedule, it is better to inspect the site thoroughly.

Briefcase will be a bad option for two

reasons. (Hint: not + positive

adjective)

Purchasing brand new equipment is

way too expensive. (Hint: focus on

budget)

As online storage service is available

now, the flash drives are useless.

(Hint: focus on replacement)

If only limited storage space is

provided, it will be a disaster for our

staff as they are handling large files all

the time. (Hint: suggest a more

preferable option)


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Task 2c Organising the report for your reader

Discuss with your partner. What are the strategies to help your reader navigate your report?

(Hints: How can you make skimming/scanning of your report faster?)

Task 2d Focusing on the reader, not the writer

In general, you should limit your use of first-person pronouns like I, me and my. Yourreader wants to know what is in your report for them, not what you did or thought.

Draw a line and match the pronouns below with the person or group they focus on.

Pronoun Focus

I, me, my the readerwe, us, our the writeryou, your the team/organisation

Read Reports A, B and C again. Which one of them contains more personal pronouns?

What difference does it show compared to the other two reports?

Task 3 Style and tone for workplace reports

Style refers to how the writers use words to achieve a tone indicating their attitude towards

the subject and the audience of the writing.


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Formal and informal writing style

There are generally three different writing styles, formal, semi-formaland informal. The

level of formality is determined by your purpose and the expectations of your audience.

The following table shows different levels of formality in relation to purpose and audience.

Formal Purpose: reporting official or legal issues which have great influence

on the organization

Audience: unfamiliar audience, supervisor or top management

Style: Professional, objective, impersonal

Semi-formal Purpose: reporting regular/routine/general workplace issues

Audience: familiar audience, supervisor or other internal units

Style: Friendly and neutral

Informal Purpose: reporting non-official issues

Audience: familiar colleagues

Style: Casual, conversational and personal

Task 3a

The difference in style can be reflected in the v o c a b u l a r y and s e n t e n c e s t r u c t u r e s used.

Study the informal email report (sent to a co-worker) below and Report C on p.4 again. In

pairs, jot down the language features you notice about formal and informal reports in the

table that follows.

From: Amber Ng

To: Ethan Chan

Date: 15 May 20--

Subject: Online storage services

Dear Ethan

You asked me to recommend some data storage devices for you. But Ive got to tell you these

two popular online storage services, Briefcase and C-Drive. Just go and take a look at their

websites. I think you will find that they are easy to use and do not cost you much. The best part

about online storage service is that you dont have to go through the trouble of juggling files on

your PC and your portable drives anymore. Let me know if you need more advice!

Best

Amber


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Student Package


Formal report Informal report

Task 3b

Revise the following extract from the investigation report on an incident at Metro Beauty

using a more formal style.

In the evening of 11 March 2011, at around 7:23pm, someone

reported that the high power sun bed was out of order at

Metro Beauty in Tuen Mun. So what happened next? The

emergency light of the tanning machine kept flashing while

the power was totally cut off, leaving the client inside the

tanning bed for fifteen minutes. The client waited patiently

before the beauty assistant arrived to let her out of the

machine. I think its very lucky that no one got injured in this

incident. Staff from the Head Office got there at the scene at

around 8:30pm and did the investigation on the same date.

use passive voice?

avoid questions

avoid personal,

colloquial expressions

and contractions

In the afternoon of 24 February 2011, at around 12:38pm, _______________________

_____________________________________________ at Metro Beauty in Tuen Mun.

The emergency light of the tanning machine kept flashing while the power was totally cut

off. ______________ _____________________________________________________

switch and stopped the escalator. __________________________________________.

_________________________________________. Staff from the Head Office

________________________at around 8:30pm and ________________________on

the same date.

Workplace reports are mostly semi-formal

to formal. So you should try to avoid

features shown here.


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Task 4 Writing concisely

Sentences crowded with unnecessary words are not effective and not reader-friendly.

Concise writing, on the contrary, is what a writer does to make every word count.

Study how the following extract can be written more concisely.

Very often, some expressions can be cut entirely:

as far as I am concerned

for the most part

in fact

in my opinion

last but not least

more or less

Task 4a

Revise the following wordy/empty expressions:Wordy Concise Wordy Concise

final outcome eg outcome at all times eg always

end result at the present time

few/many in number due to the fact that

final completion for the purpose of

plans for the future has the ability to

repeat again in order to

round in shape in spite of the fact that

sum total in the event that

In my view, the fact is that there is only one

thing we can choose and that is to hire staff

to work part time, in the event that cost is

our major concern. (34 words)

1. Cut unnecessary phrases (in myview) or repetitions (only one

thing)

2. Cut wordy expressions (the fact isthat, in the event that)

3. Simplify word groups or combinesentences (only one thing we can

choose, hire staff to work part

time)If cost is our major concern, hiring part time

staff is our only choice. (14 words)


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You should choose the simplest and most direct grammatical construction that fits your

meaning. When revising, you may have to alter the structure of your sentence(s) to

achieve conciseness. Study the strategies below:

The subject and the verb should identify the key actor and action of the sentence,

otherwise, the sentence is bound to be wordy.

Wordy: The s i t u a t i o n (subj) that caused the delay in construction w a s (v) the

unexpected rock concentration.

Revised: The u n e x p e c t e d r o c k c o n c en t r a t i o n (subj) c a u s e d (v) the delay in

construction.

Passive voice is usually wordier than active voice, simply because it requires a helping verb

(be) and a prepositional phrase to name the actor (by the).

Passive: An i d e a (subj) w a s p r o p o s e d (v) by the consultant that the project be

delayed until the s i t e (subj) h a s b e e n c l e ar e d (v) by the workers.

Active: The c o n s u l t a n t (subj) p r o p o s e d delaying the project until the w o r k er s

(subj) h a v e c l e a r e d (v) the site.

Passive voice is often used in formal writing for a purpose (e.g. to achieve objectivity,

to describe methodology (when the doer/actor is not important), to highlight the actionstated, etc.)

Task 4b

Revise the following sentences by focusing on the key actor and action:

1. Unlimited data storage space can be provided by C-Drive at the price of $90.

2. The person who reported the loss of company confidential data was our senior engineer.

3. There are more than half of the employees requesting technical support during business

trips.

1) Focusing on the key actor and action of the sentence


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The information in two or more sentences can often be combined.

O r i g i n a l : We interviewed all the staff. All of them agreed that the lack of equipmenthas affected their efficiency.

Re v i s e d : All staff interviewed agreed that the lack of equipment has affected their

efficiency. (Using the same subject to form one sentence)

O r i g i n a l : The whole project has been delayed. Even the materials procurement has

been slowed down.

Re v i s e d : The whole project has been delayed, even for materials procurement.

(Sharing the same verb in one sentence)

Task 4cRewrite each set of sentences below into a single concise sentence.

1. Our dispensers complained about their working condition. The reason for their

complaint is that they are usually working long hours, for example 10-hour night

shifts and long shifts with no breaks over the weekend.

2. The Officers from Hospital Authority have inspected the pediatric ward of City Royal

Hospital. Their Chief Executive has also visited the site to see if there is any problem.

3. Twenty employees have signed up for the training. Among them, fourteen would like

to attend the training during office hours.

2) Combining sentences


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Task 4d

Read the following conclusion. Rewrite the underlined sentences to make it as concise as

possible using what you have learnt in this lesson.

To conclude, in terms of training, more hours are needed. Releasing staff for training during office

hours can save cost. As for equipment purchase, buying brand new laptops and purchasing printers

would be impossible as our budget would be exceeded. In my opinion, although buying used

equipment would be cheaper in cost, it will cost us extra maintenance fees and time.

USEFUL VOCABULARY

Words/Phrases Meaning

1 blip a minor problem or delay that does not last very long

2 en-hance-ment an improvement to something that makes it more attractive or

valuable

3 mo-men-ta-ry lasting only a very short time

4 ob-jec-tive based only on facts and not influenced by personal feelings or

belief

5 re-store to return (something, esp a work of art or building) to an

original or former condition

6 sign-age signs collectively, esp street signs or signs giving directions

7 span to stretch or extend across, over, or around

8 sub-se-quent occurring after

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