Restorative Parenting: Engaging Parents & Families of

Homeless Youth The 7 Minute Movie Trailer

David Mathews, PsyD, LICSW

Program Director

Bridge for Youth

Restorative

Parenting

Perspectives

The Goal of Restorative Parenting

To establish a process for rebuilding or strengthening the

relationship between parent and child in the aftermath of

trauma or violence toward a sense of wholeness for each

person

2 priorities

Safety for all participants

Establishing or increasing accountability measures

Restoring the Contract When child is born:

Parent signs and enters into a contract with the child

When trauma happens:

Relationship (Contract) between parent and child

is broken

Parent is responsible to restore this contract:

Parent works at rebuilding/ strengthening the

relationship with the child

The Contract

As a parent I agree to the following stipulation (including others to be added) and commit to my child(ren) that:

I will always be with you.

I will keep you safe from all harm.

I will respect you as a human being.

I will attach to you for the rest of our lives.

I will view you as my life extension.

I will notice, acknowledge and accept you for who you are.

I will respect your decisions and opinions.

I will guide and influence the formation of your values and behaviors.

I will always support you as a person.

I am responsible to you.

I will provide you with the nurturance to grow and develop.

I will work for your best interests.

I will plan for you to succeed.

I will never leave or abandon you.

I will make the best decisions for you that I can, until you can increasingly make those decisions for yourself.

The Contract Exists

Parent Child

Contract

The Breaking of the Contract

Parent Child Trauma Violence

Loss Life Transition

In the Aftermath

Parent Child

On the Healing Journey

Parent Child

Restored Contract -

Rebuilt Relationship

Parent Child

Psychological Theoretical Base

Object Relations - Attachment

Social Learning

Cognitive Behavioral

Empowerment & Capacity Building

Feminist Approach

Self-Defeating Behavior Approach

Restorative Justice Principles When someone has committed a crime it is done against the

community and breaks the relationship between the community and it’s members, including the offender and the victim(s)

Victims deserve to be supported in the aftermath of their experience

The community has responsibility to address the crime offender in a way that holds that person accountable and to envelope the victim with support

The offender is accountable to the victim and the community

It is important that the victim knows there are structured processes to receive support from the community

The person who has committed a crime has a re-entry or orientation process back into the community as is appropriate and respectful for the community members and the victims

See http://ssw.che.umn.edu/rjp for more information

http://ssw.che.umn.edu/rjp

•Developmental stages

•Cognitive behavioral strategies for self as a parent

•Positive Discipline

•Influencing change of unwanted behaviors

•Culturally relevant information

•Others

Best Practices of Parenting Programs

Framing the Realities of Children and Youth Mental health challenges and experiences

School drop out rates

Teen pregnancy

Lack of attachment

Sexual violence

Gang participation

Bullying

Family violence experience

Technologically related Cell phones

Texting/ Sexting

Twittering

Social Networks

Lack of accessible health care

Interesting connections with corporal punishment

Toxic environments

Dating

Other concerns

Framing the Realities

Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE studies)

Trauma affected developmental processes

Trauma affected brain physiology and development

Attachment

Resilience, protective factors, strengths

Trauma

Any experience that could be a one

time incident or is chronic set of life

situations that includes:

Violent or abusive behaviors

Major loss

A threat to ones safety or to a loved

ones safety and security

Natural disasters

Considerations Youth

•Perspective

•Developmental Factors

•Attachment (Connectedness & Belonging)

•Strengths/ Resiliencies/Assets

•Experience with Trauma

Family & Friends

•Strengths

•Dynamics

•Cultural Factors (including values)

•Experience with Trauma

School & Faith Community

•Connectedness

•Experience and dynamics

Community

•Cultural Factors

•Balance of Community and Intrapersonal

•Generosity

Cultural Values, Attitudes & Norms

4 Types of Attachment

Secure

Avoidant

Ambivalent

Disorganized

Primary Focus for Parents

Safety

Security

Stability

Engaging Parents - Listening

“My child has or is the problem”

“I need you to fix my child”

“I have given up on my child (various

reasons)”

“I feel powerless and hopeless about

my child”

“I am too ashamed of my child”

Engaging Parents – Avoid Judgment

Having negative views of the youth

does not mean parent is bad

Child’s behavior is not the lead

indicator of how well the parent

parents

Understanding 4 Reasons for Misbehavior

Power

Revenge

Attention

Insecurity

Engaging Parents – Focus on Rebuild

Ways to strengthen the relationship

It takes time

Structured process

Identify parent strengths

Instill hope that things can get better

Provide a path or direction that is concrete

8 Areas for strengthening the relationship

1. Understanding and awareness of the child’s perceptions 2. Empathy toward the children 3. Empathy toward the children’s other parent 4. Parenting skills and awareness of addressing situations

in the aftermath of violence in the home 5. Parenting self-efficacy in the aftermath of violence in the

home 6. Cultural understanding with regard to parenting and

domestic violence 7. Parental self-care skills and self-awareness needs and

resources 8. Readiness for change/ restoring or working toward

reconnecting with the child

8 Area for Strengthening the Relationship

Strategies

Parental self care

Empathy building

Paying attention to child’s perspective

Reasons for child’s problem behaviors

Developmental considerations

Attachment

Trauma effects

Brain effects

Closing

Final questions

Reactions?

Take away?

Closing

Dave Mathews, PsyD, LICSW

Program Director

The Bridge for Youth

d.mathews@bridgeforyouth.org

Restorative

Parenting

mailto:d.mathews@bridgeforyouth.org