RKYV ONLINE # 36

8/8/2019 RKYV ONLINE # 36

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At the outset

A few thoughts fromthe editorby r. j. par

Welcome everybody, to the latest edition ofRKYV ONLINE your FREE art-lit / pop-culture e-Zine! This ish, numero 36, covers submissions received up to and includingMay 31st 2010. Once again, RKYV ONLINE is teaming up with our friends atSpeakeasy Primates in order to promote independent creators by setting up apromotional table at a summer convention!

S.M.A.C.C. SouthernMichigan'sArts andCreativityConference

This con should be interesting and if you happen to be in Dearborn that weekend stop byour table to chat, exchange ideas, get snapped on camera or in video and maybe buy some

cool swag!

What would you do

If I sang outta tuneWould ya stand up

And walk out on me?

Joe Cocker 1968

{Lennon/McCartney 1967}


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S.M.A.C.C. is a combination public arts and craftsshow with an ALL-NIGHT film festival and concert.It is also an opportunity for independent artists,authors, actors, fashion designers, sculptors, wood-

workers, filmmakers and other creators to developcollaborations.

S.M.A.C.C. is being held onJuly 24-25th, 2010

at the Doubletree Hotel in

Dearborn, Michigan

This month RKYV is pleased as punch to share the work of independent colourist JonBeirmann. As ourFeatured Artist of the Month Jon took the time to answer some

interview questions and [hopefully] shed a little light on this nascent comic pro. Hisdrawing of the Marvel Comics icon, Captain America, was a perfect foundation forDavid Marshall to build this months cover upon, kudos to both for their fine work.

This months submissions from our returning columnists, inspiring poets, masterfulwriters and sublimely talented artists credited throughout the Zine really make for aspectacular issue to KICK OFF yer summer reading. I hope you get as big a kick out ofevery page as much as I had putting it all together.

Grab yer laptop, e-reader, iPad, touch phone or whatever device you like to read RKYVwith and head over to the patio kick back with some iced tea [Long Island orotherwise] and ENJOY!

r. j. par

EIC RKYV ONLINE e-Zine

[PUBLIC HEALTH ALERT: The RKYV Health &

Safety committee advises all readers not to carry

RKYV with you if you decide to take a dip in the

pool. As our esteemed Editor has learned, water

and electronics DO NOT mix [even if the extension

cord reaches that far]. Thankfully, Mrs. Par is used

to such absentmindedness from her dear husband

and is First Aid trained and certified in order to

retrieve and revive him. Sadly, the laptop in

question now decorates the bottom of their pool.]


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Truncated Torso Sketch by Josh Bowe


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Sports

Rossinis Ramblingsby Tom Rossini

THANKS FOR THE MEMORIESERNIE HARWELLJan 25 1918 May 4 2010

Ernie Harwell was born in Washington, Georgia and grew up in Atlanta, Georgia as ahuge baseball fanatic. He was a batboy at the age of 5 for the Atlanta Crackers, andat the age of 16 began working forThe Sporting News as a baseball correspondent.After graduating he worked for the Atlanta Constitution as a copy editor and sports

writer. His career began in 1943 forWSB Radio announcing games for the AtlantaCrackers. He joined the United States Marine Corps shortly thereafter for 4 years.

In 1948 Ernie was actually traded to the BrooklynDodgers for Cliff Dapper. This is the only time inhistory that an announcer was traded. Ernie remainedthe Brooklyn Dodgers announcer until his contractexpired in 1949. Over the next few years he broadcastforNew York Giants from 1950- 1953 which includedhis call of Bobby Thompsons Shot Heard Aroundthe World. Ernie was the broadcaster during the 1951

National League Pennant game which was hosted onNBC ). From 1954-1959, he was the broadcaster forthe Baltimore Orioles.

In 1960 Ernie Harwell became The Voice of theTigers and sat along side George Kell. Ernieremained in Detroit until 1991 when WJRstated theywould not renew Ernie Harwells contract.

A Statue of Ernie at Comerica Park


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Tiger Baseball Fans and people throughoutMichigan and the baseball community were outraged,but the ballclub and the radio station stood firm: andthat Ernies firing was not going to change no matterhow much clamor is made over it, said team

president Bo Schembechler. (Bo Schembechler is aformerUniversity of Michigan football coach, alegend as well. Tom Monagham sold the team in1992 to Mike Ilitch and his first priority was to bringback Ernie Harwell.

The 1993 season concluded with a three-person radioteam (Rizzs, Rathbun and Harwell) with Harwellcalling innings 13 and 79 of each game. From1994-1998, Harwell called television broadcasts forthe Tigers and in 1999, he resumed full-time radio

duties with the Tigers through 2002. During springtraining of that year, Harwell announced that hewould retire at the end of the season -- this time onhis own terms; his final broadcast came on September29, 2002 against the Toronto Blue Jays.

Comerica farewell speech

Ernie Harwell gave a 2-minute, 12-second farewell address to fans and the Tigersorganization at Comerica Parkon the night of Sept. 16. The comments were made in themiddle of the third inning of a game against the Kansas City Royals :

Ernies Farewell Speech freep.com

Thank you very much. We don't want to be penalized now for the delay of the game, but I do want toexpress my feelings here. It's a wonderful night for me. I really feel lucky to be here, and I want to thankyou for that warm welcome. I want to express my deep appreciation to Mike Ilitch, Dave Dombrowski andthe Tigers for that video salute and also for the many great things they've done for me and my familythroughout my career here with the Tigers.

In my almost 92 years on this earth, the good Lord has blessed me with a great journey. And the blessed

part of that journey is that it's going to end here in the great state of Michigan. I deeply appreciate thepeople of Michigan. I love their grit. I love the way they face life. I love the family values they have. Andyou Tiger fans are the greatest fans of all. No question about that. And I certainly want to thank you fromthe depth of my heart for your devotion, your support, your loyalty and your love. Thank you very much,and God bless you.


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Following his retirement, in 2003 Harwell came back to call a Wednesday night baseballgame telecast on ESPN, as part of that network's Living Legends series of guestannouncers. In 2005, Harwell called the game for an inning on the FOX network'scoverage of the ALL-STAR GAME which was played in Detroit at Comerica Park, aswell as an inning on the ESPN Radio broadcast. Over the next few years Ernie continued

to do guest spots.

Ernie was well known for his low-key delivery,and southern accent. Some of his most famousphrases are.

That one is long gone! He stood there like the house by the

side of the road, and watched it go by.

Called out for excessive windowshopping.

It's two for the price of one! A fan from (insert a city) will be taking

that ball home today.

The Tigers need instant runs.

Links to watch as Ernie Harwell says good bye:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=paWJl3qpUIM

www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTedZ3g2pw8

Sen. Carl Levin delivered the following statement on the Senate floor on May 5, 2010:

For, lo, the winter is past,

The rain is over and gone;

The flowers appear on the earth;

The time of the singing of birds is come,And the voice of the turtle is heard in our land.

Mr. President, spring after spring, for four decades, a man named Ernie Harwell

would recite those words. He would recite them at the beginning of the first baseball

broadcast of spring training. And those are the words that would tell the people of

Michigan that the long, cold winter was over.


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Ernie was the radio voice of the Detroit Tigers for 42 years, and in that time, there

may have been no Michiganian more universally beloved. Our state mourns today

at his passing, yesterday evening, after a battle with cancer. He fought that battle

with the grace, the good humor, and the wisdom that Michigan had come to expect,

and even depend on, from a man we came to know and love.

A moment for Ernie - - media.idahostatesman.com

This gentlemanly Georgian adopted our team, and our state, as his own. And his

career would have been worthy had he done nothing more than bring us the soundof summer over the radio, recounting the Tigers' ups and downs with

professionalism and wit, as he did.

But without making a show of it, Ernie Harwell taught us. In his work and his life,

he taught us the value of kindness and respect. He taught us that, in a city and a

world too often divided, we could be united in joy at a great Al Kaline catch, or a

Lou Whitaker home run, or a Mark Fidrych strikeout. He taught us not to let life

pass us by like the house by the side of the road.

In 1981, when he was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame, Ernie told the

assembled fans what baseball meant to him. In baseball democracy shines itsclearest, he said. The only race that matters is the race to the bag. The creed is the

rulebook. Color merely something to distinguish one team's uniform from another.

That was a lesson he taught us so well.


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Mr. President, I will miss Ernie Harwell. All of Michigan will miss the sound of his

voice telling us that the winter is past, that the Tigers had won a big game, or that

they'd get another chance to win one tomorrow. We will miss his Georgia drawl, his

humor, his humility, his quiet faith in God and in the goodness of the people he

encountered. But we will carry in our hearts always our love for him, ourappreciation for his work, and the lessons he gave us and left us and that we will

pass on to our children and grandchildren.

Sincerely,

Carl Levin

New York Times - Detroit Tigers general manager Dave Dombrowski paid his

final respects to Harwell near a life-sized statue of the Hall of Fame broadcaster.

In memorial


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Featured ArtistReview

Jonathan Biermannby r. j. par

r. j. par: Have you always known that you wanted to be or, rather, were an artist?

Jon Biermann: I have been drawing for as long as I can remember, basically since I wasknee high to a grasshopper. Never really thought about it as being a career choice, it wasmore or less just a passion. It wasn't until my early to mid 20's that I started to reallythink about doing art as a profession.

r.j.p.: Did you study or major in art while in school?

JB: Self Taught. The greatest teachers out there are the masters of the trade. Study theirwork, try your best to mimic it and learn from their example. As an artist every time youlook at a picture you should walk away learning something new from it.

r.j.p.: Who was your primary source of encouragement, as a child, in pursuing art?

JB: Always had encouragement from family of course. But unless you want it yourself,and push yourself to become better at it all the encouragement in the world will just fall

on deaf ears.

r.j.p.: What is your favorite media to work with?

JB: Varies from picture to picture. But most of my work now days is done digital. Got togo with the times.


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Artists Name: Jon Biermann

Title: Odin Sleeps

Media Used: Digital, Bamboo Art

Tablet

r.j.p.: Even in repose a powerfulrepresentation of the Norse All-Father.The stout figure, hammer at his side seemsto function as a comment on the

mythology itself perhaps a reflection offading beliefs and traditions. I must thankJon for sharing these images with me overthe years as they have served as inspirationfor many story concept / idea.

r.j.p.: Do you use any special tools andtechniques to create your art?

JB: My Bamboo art tablet. But even though Ido all my work nowadays on the computer Istill try to give an old school feel to it. Mighttake a bit longer to do something up but theend result is well worth the extra hours putin.


Title: Reflections of the Past,

[The Hulk Marvel Comics]


Tablet

r.j.p.: What inspires you to create art?

JB: Everything and anything. You neverknow when the next muse will walk around

the corner and strike you with inspiration.


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Artists Name: JonBiermann

Title: Avenger,

[Captain America

Marvel Comics]

Media Used: Digital,

Bamboo Art Tablet

r.j.p.: What really appeals tome, about this piece, is Jonsquite stunning use of texture,light & shadow to make ittruly feel as though thisiconic super soldier isstanding before you wearingleather and chain-mail. Toomany artists render cap asthough he is a part of thespandex brigade. This is a

fighter outfitted for battle.

r.j.p.: How would youcategorize your artistic style?

JB: Never really thoughtabout it. lol

r.j.p.: Would you say that there is a "message" or "unifying theme" in your work?

JB: Not really. I try and put passion and a bit of my heart and soul into each work. Anartist can try and put a message or unifying theme into their work, but in the end its whatthe viewer decides. All an artist can hope for is that their work in some way inspires orlights a spark of emotion into those who look at their work.


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Artists Name:

Jon Biermann

Title: Zatanna,

[Zatanna DC Comics]

Media Used: Digital,

Bamboo Art Tablet

r.j.p.: The DC Comics

Mistress of Magic in all herlong-legged beauty. I haveonly one question to ask:where oh, where are her sexyfishnet stockings? [Sigh, lol]

r.j.p.: Which famous artists /creators or styles have

influenced you? Why?

JB: It changes from day to daydepending on what particularstyle of artwork Im trying toachieve. But my biggestinfluences have got to be AlexRoss, Joe Jusko and BruceTimm.

r.j.p.: Would you rather have an engaged & loyal but, ultimately, small Indie readershipor work on the latest Spidey, Wolverine or X - book? [the old Art vs Commerce question]

JB: I think we all dream of being known world wide for our work. Having that kind offan base is always good for the old ego. But nothing beats that loyal indie style fan base.You really connect better and it brings it down to a more personal level.


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r.j.p.: With advancements in computer graphic tablet technology, some artists are nowcreating their work directly in the digital medium and releasing it in purely digitalformats... are the days of paper & pulp doomed to the realm of fading memories?

JB: Tough Question. Old school vs. New school. I would have to say yes and no. As

much as todays artists are going more and more digital, myself included, I find its harderto gain that sense of individual when going digital. With Old school you can really seethe heart and soul of the work. I think any new artist who works solely with the digitalmedium needs to be able to also master the old school methods. Other wise you can havea hundred artists do the same picture and you would never be able to tell them apart onefrom the other. Digital has its perks to it. It's cheaper and faster. But the big downside isthe loss of uniqueness that only an old school artist can put into their work.I really hope the days, of paper and pulp, are not gone. Did I answer that questionproperly or did I ramble on too much? lol

Artists Name:

Jon Biermann

Title: Allison Mack as

Chloe Sullivan,

[Chloe Sullivan DC Comics]


Tablet

r.j.p.: What do you think of the term"starving artist"?

JB: Show me an artist who is not

starving. Anyone who gets into the artindustry who thinks that some day theywill get rich doing it needs a realitycheck. And if you are doing it for themoney then you should go findsomething else because youre doingyour art for the wrong reasons.


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r.j.p.: Do you feel more a sense ofcommunity with other artists or a sense ofcompetition?

JB: Definitely a sense of community. I try

and stay away from those who are trying tocompete in landing jobs in the industry. Iwould sooner be with those who understandthat you can't do it alone - that you need towork together to achieve goals. Im a firmbeliever in you scratch my back I scratchyours attitude.

Artists Name:

Jon Biermann

Title: Natural Beauty[Krystyn]


Tablet


Title: Farm Yard

Media Used: Digital, Bamboo Art Tablet


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r.j.p.: How do you market yourself?

JB: Internet baby! In todays world the internet is the only way to go in getting yourselfnoticed. How else can you reach such a world wide audience? Not to mention, for usstarving artists, its a heck of a lot cheaper.


Title: Amazing Spiderman,

[Spiderman Marvel Comics]


r.j.p.: Do you find it difficult to stay motivated / inspired?

JB: In general no. There are days sure where nothing works and you just want to walkaway in frustration. But when that happens I just put down the pen, sit back, relax andenjoy checking out the work of others. The inspiration soon comes back.

r.j.p.: While traditional publishing and distribution has become a difficult goal to achievefor the modern Indie comic creator, what do you think of the impact that social networks

and POD services have had as an alternate means of connecting you, your work and youraudience?

JB: Well nowadays pretty much anyone and everyone can get their comic or story outthere via the internet. Its a great way to show off your product and build up a fan base.This of course helps out in getting the attention of any future publisher. But at the sametime it has caused the industry to become very over-saturated.


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r.j.p.: What other interests do you have,besides art?

JB: Well besides my art projects, Im alsoinvolved in the Indie Pro Wrestling scene.And Im an avid collector of shiny yetuseless junk.

Artists Name:

Jon Biermann [colours] &

Mike Williams

Title: Batman,

[Batman DC Comics]


Tablet

r.j.p.: What advice would you have for a young artist starting out today?

JB: Learn from those who came before you. Work hard and never give up. And most ofall, when you do get your big break dont let it go to your head. I have seen so manyyoung artists who once they get that first big job think that they are now members of anelite class and that they all of a sudden are better then anyone else. Let's just say thoseguys dont very often see their second big break. Stay humble, stay real and most of all

no matter how impossible things may seem, always have fun doing it.

r.j.p.: Do you have any big plans, shows or Cons coming up?

JB: I got two big comic projects on the go at the moment, once they get completedwell I guess we will see what happens next.


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Title: Africa


r.j.p.: How would you like your art, and by extension yourself, to be remembered?

JB: Wow tough question. Im not really sure I can answer that one. I guess we will just

have to wait and see what happens when the day comes.

To enjoy more of Jons work:

http://knightreaver.deviantart.com/

r.j.p.: On the next page is the piece of art that Jon graciously allowed us to adapt for thecover of this months issue - in its unaltered glory. I do hope you enjoy.


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Title: I Stand Alone,

[Captain America Marvel Comics]



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Bad Beat[the final installment]

By

r. j. par

What has gone before

Mr. Grey has made a mess of his marriage. His wife Missy has had to kick him

out in order to stop him from fueling his online gambling addiction with their savings.Stealing her car and emptying their credit card he has decided to try his luck at a localCasino. While driving on the odd, winding country highway, filled with late model cars,Mr. Grey gets annoyed at the St. Christopher medallion hanging from the rear viewmirror. The lights seem to reflect off of it and into his eyes. He tries to untangle it anddrifts into the opposite lane

The River

When the fifth and final community card is dealt, face up, by the dealer.

Croupier

If you need to bluff at this point, you played the hand wrong.Gambler

Read em and weep.

Recovering Addict

Its been said that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. If only thereverse were also true then Mr. Grey would have very little to worry about. His

intentions, being of the selfish, petty and mean spirited sort certainly arent winninghim any happiness in this life and it would be somewhat comforting, for us, were theyto garner him solace in the next.

I think, dear reader, we both know better than that. The universe, in all its wonderand mystery just doesnt work that way. It isnt simply, that good intentions, lackingwisdom, can pave the way to hell it is that the roads to hell are numerous beyondcounting and the paths to redemption are few and far between.


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***

The eighteen-wheeler bearing down on him was the source of all the light fillingthe car and now, blinding him with glare.

Mr. Grey wrenched as hard as could on the steering wheel, before everythingwent black.

***

Holy shit! The ever-eloquent Mr. Grey exclaims to himself [the only person,really, that he ever listens to]. That was a goddamn close call, his penchant forunderstatement notwithstanding, a near miss with a transport truck would indeed be aclose call. Never-the-less Mr. Grey spares no time in quickly yanking the offending St.Christopher medallion from the rear view mirror and tossing it onto the floor.

Here we go, he says with a grin and turns into the gaudy, flashy neon parkinglot for the Pandemonium Hotel & Casino.

The place was baroque all bronze, marble and shining so much as to overwhelmthe senses. What else would one expect from a place built to take all that you have?

Pandemonium was a menagerie of dazzling distractions as Mr. Grey made hisway to the poker room. There was only table running, but that was okay; it was hisobsession No Limit Texas Hold Em.

Welcome to the table, the dealer intones ten players we have a full board. Hepauses and passes his eyes over the assorted characters seated at the game, Its time toante up!

***

Mr. Grey began to play and wouldnt it be nice if we could end things here?The young man hits a lucky winning street. Then quits while he is ahead and goes hometo Missy contrite but with enough winnings to soften her anger and call the while thingsan unfortunate learning experience. One they, as a family, are stronger for havingsurvived?


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Certainly that would be a happy ending. Sigh Read on if you must. But from

here on out, well let Mr. Grey tell his tale, trust us he has nothing better to do. Ha, ha,ha, ha, ha, ha

***

I dont really remember the first one that got eliminated. He seemed roughlymiddle aged but that covers a lot of ground now doesnt it? I do recall that his tee shirtand jeans were quite faded and he had one of those faces you just seem to forget.Anyhow, in short order he was gone and there were eight of us. My odds, it seemed, hadjust improved. Missy would see. Just watch me take down some monster pots.

The next to go was this dolled up dish that damned near made me forget I wasmarried. She was all implants and stilettos. Her name was Tiffany and I figured her for a

bimbo from slots; just hanging around to land herself a whale. But tables like these areshark infested waters and despite her distracting endowments she didnt last muchlonger than whats his face. But man, she was some sweet eye candy while she lasted.

Now dont be thinking I am a dog. Id never cheat on someone, least of all myMissy. I adored her, ya know? Mind you we separated at the time still I never gotTiffanys room key so the point is moot.


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At this point I became momentarily distracted by the stench wafting from acrossthe table. The fat French turd playing there had just cut a prodigious one and laughed tolet us all know how proud he was.

Hey, hey ha, ha. It is a compliment to the food here, eh? I suppose I should,

how do you say,pardonnez-moi? He garbled between belches.

The man was a slob. There were food, sauce and drink stains all over his clothesand I swear hes must have been close to four hundred pounds! Thankfully we did nothave to pit up with his stench much longer as he went all in at the wrong time. I donteven think he was paying attention to the game as the waitress had been walking by witha dessert tray. Damn pig it served him right. But my stacks were holding up fine and Iplayed on.

Thats when I faced my first showdown.

Big Tex was literally larger than life. He was straight outta some western movie-set in the grand ole Hollywood tradition. There were these ridiculous tassels hangingfrom his suit, a string tie held together by a cattle skull bolo and I swear a gargantuan ten-gallon hat sitting up on his head. At first I thought he was a card shark and Ill admit Iwanted nothing to do with a heads up call on this fella. The funny thing is, after awhile Ididnt buy it anymore it seemed crafted for effect. It was almost as if a western clothierhad vomited all over the big guy.


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That and the fact that he was too aggressive ensured his fate.

I knew he was playing heavy every time he was on the button. The man wasgreedy, trying to steal pots and that was my in. I just had to wait for the right momentand when it came, well lets just say the look on Big Texs face, a mixture of disbelief,

misery and regret, could have broke hearts from here to Dallas.

Four down, five to go, I had neared the midway point in this game and I wascatching fire.

This mopey faced young Southie punk was the next to go. It wasnt me that didhim in but it still helped my odds. Tommy, I think his name was; he didnt say much. Hegrumbled quite a bit and kept playing with his Yo! Boy cap, turned backwards ofcourse, I suspect it is practically a uniform reg with such urchins. The point is, though,the sap couldnt catch a break if it was lobbed to him from the Red Sox dugout. Every pothe even sniffed at folks would up their bets and shut him down.

Whether in the sea or on dry land sharks can sense when theres blood in thewater and his stacks were promptly eaten away to nothing.

I looked around at the remaining players and their burgeoning stacks. To my leftwere Peter and Frank an odd couple indeed. Peter seemed nervous, anxious or guiltyabout something. He kept looking over his shoulder, rubbing his neck and jumping everytime someone raised his or her voice an octave too loud. Now Frank though, he was anopen book just waiting to be read. With his black leather car coat, five oclock shadowand the toothpick jutting from his mouth he was a walking talking caricature of a mobwiseguy. I doubt he was actually connected but hey who knows, right? Either way he

seemed an angry, temperamental sort, the kind that would just as soon track ya down andrecover his losses out of your hide.

To my right Chichi Fourberie and The Hooded Man. Sounds kinda like a failed70s TV pitch eh?

Tune in this fall for the wacky hi-jinx and urban humor of Chichi and The

Hooded Man. Fridays at 8 oclock EST; 10 oclock Central.


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Like a modern day Gabor Sister she exuded class and elegance. So long as youcontented yourself with gazing at the surface and she had a lovely surface. The HoodedMan was another question entirely. He was the chip leader but seemed content to waitpatiently under that black hoody and behind those dark sunglasses for his opponents hisvictims at this point to do themselves in.

It was Frank that was the undoing of Peter.

Peters twitchiness was really getting on Franks nerves. Finally he laid into him.Enough already Padr, we get that yer collars a little too tight. Sheesh, whatcha sonervous about, are you gambling away the collection plate?

Damn, how did I miss that? The whole reason he had been rubbing his neck wasthat tell tale Roman collar he had tucked, mostly, out of view inside his jacket. I wonderhow many Hail Marys the Bishop will give him to recite after his next confession?

After being found out Peter was a complete, humiliated wreck and gave up hischips accordingly.

Now Frank was a different piece of work. He kept trying to chat up Chichi tolittle avail. She paid more attention to the size of his stacks, compared to The HoodedMan, than his grease-ball charm. And that pissed Frank off. Just a note to aspiring pokerplayers: Never play angry.


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With all of his attention drawn to the rebuffing Ms. Fourberie, Frank paid no heedto Sir Dark Sun-glasses quiet calls of his bets. Before he knew it, he was adding to themystery mans ever increasing chip lead. He was also out of chips and out of the game. Ittook two security guards to drag him away after he threw his chair and uttered a torrent ofexpletives. That, however, left three of us.

The thing I finally noticed, about little miss fancy dress, is that her hairstyle waspretty cheap. I mean, here she was wearing a haute couture number that would of set meback a months rent, at least, and her hair was like a Super Cuts special. It didnt gibevery well. I took a closer look at the diamonds she was wearing and got suspicious. I amby no means a jeweler but Id bet those damn things were glass cubic zirconia, if youwill. Her right sleeve cinched it though. I could see the thin thread tucked in her sleeveand new for certain shed be trying to return that dress the next day. Well, that put thingsin a different light. A phony I could use that in reading her play.

And I did.

I dont need to break down the hand, play by play, but suffice it to say her chipsgave me the leg up I needed if I was gonna go head to head with The Hooded Man. To behonest, it was my best pot of the night and I was feeling ten feet tall.

That left our mystery man, Mr. Black Hoody, Sir Dark Sunglasses, The HoodedMan a devil of a card player, by my estimation. But I felt I was ready to go heads upwith him.


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Pride goes before the fall or so Ive heard.

It happened like this. We traded a few cautious hands of button play potsswapping antes looking for an opening. At this stage poker can seem like the final round

of a heavyweight title fight where both fighters think they need a knockout to avoid thejudges cards. I think I was doing pretty good too, the twin glares off his sun-glasses werea little disconcerting at times almost like they were bearing down on me. But I wouldswerve my eyes aside and put my focus back on the play, waiting for a chance to takehim down.

Then a miracle seemed to happen. He was on the button and I got dealt BigSlick. Forpoker newbies, let me tell ya that is the best starting hand in poker an Aceand a King, in my case a heart and a diamond respectively. I had to play this cool nowand take him for as much of his chips as I could. I made, what I hoped would seem afeeler bet. Just large enough to make it look like I was trying to horn in on his pot but

not so big as to scare him off. If he had any sort of hand he would most likely stay in,seeing as he had control of last betting position. And that was what I was hoping for.

Sure enough, The Hooded Man calls my bet, he probably wants to see The Flopbefore deciding whether I actually have a hand. I pick up to pair when the Ace of Clubsappears on the flop. Theres also a deuce and five of spades, but they dont touch mybeautiful bullets. Now I wanna make him think Ive got nothing so I limp in for lessthan my opening bet.

He calls. Yes! I can feel this games ready to swing my way. This pot alone wouldbe enough to put us on even ground going forward. But I want to stick the dagger in nowand cripple his stacks. The turn card is the Ace of Diamonds. Oh baby! I am sitting withTrips, large! I manage, somehow, to control my glee and offer up another innocentlooking bet. My nemesis looks at his cards and calls once more. The odds are huge in myfavour but he cant know that. He must think I am representing better kicker cards to gowith the pair of bullets on the layout. He has no idea, I am certain.

The River comes up Ace of Spades. Holy shit. I am looking at quad aces, I dontneed to consider any options, I know I have him. I think of my baby son, Missy might bea bitch for betraying me, but I could really spoil the kid with some serious pokerwinnings. But, why should I? If Missy wants me out of her life lets see how she handlesraising our son on her piddly earnings. Meanwhile, with winnings like these I should beable to turn pro or something. I can take off for places like Vegas and qualify for theWorld Series of Poker.

Yea, screw them, I think, as I slide my stacks forward. All in.

I refrain from dancing through an almost superhuman effort of will. But the gameis over he has to know that now. He must fold. I will have cut out his legs and all thatwill be left is a hand or two of my newly short-stacked friend sputtering on empty.


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Call. He deadpans.

What the hell? Why would he call? It is insane, I mean sure Ill take even more ofhis chips and finish this up even quicker but it makes no sense. I shrug and show my

cards. Four Aces pal, tough luck I allow myself a victory grin. Thanks for the gamethough you are one hell of a player.

Indeed, you pathetic fool, he snarls as the shades come off revealing a face Iknow. One I have seen in the mirror, looking back at me, for years. You have no idea,he intones in a voice that seems to echo throughout the room and beyond.

How I stumble. What is going on here? I dont know what game thisweirdo is playing but I am taking my chips and cashing out. I am out of here.

I think not! he roars. It is a sound you never want to hear; a predatory thunder

that loosens your bladder and leaves you whimpering please, no

His cards land face up on the table with a crash like falling buildings. They arerevealed as a suited three and four of spades. My heart skips a beat as my eyes flash backto the community cards and I gaze upon my fate. An Ace High Straight Flush. He wins.Dear God I feel crushing despair fill every inch of my being, my very soul.

He cant help you now, he laughs, it is a sickening sound, like something youdimagine an Auschwitz executioner would cackle. He pulls his head back revealing twinhorns that, truly, were unnecessary at this point.

I knew him. God help me I knew my fate. As his eyes glared at me I could hearloud noises: screaming tires, blaring horns and the screech and crash of twisting metaland busting glass. There is nothing more for me to tell, except for the burning darknessand the screams that echo unceasingly in this void.

My screams.

***

And Somewhere in the Darkness

The County Sheriffs cruisers had closed the highway. Bright flares and red conesdotted the pavement as emergency workers cleared the wreckage. The transport driverseemed all right, just a little shook up, but paramedics were giving him the once over tobe on the safe side.


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This old road is getting more treacherous now that the Casino is out here. Thereare just so many, damned folks, desperate to gamble. The dour middle aged Sheriffgrumbles to his Deputy.

Ha they could give it to me if theyre in such a hurry to throw their money

away. His smart alec young Deputy replies as he surveys the remains of the two doorcoupe. Inside, another young man was now just another roadside statistic. He must nothave died on impact. I think he bled out, slowly.

The Sheriff joins him in assessing the scene. What makes you say that?

The Deputy points out the shining chain lying just out of the victims reach, Itlooks he was reaching for that St. Christopher medallion. Meh! Didnt seem to do himany good, that.

I suppose, the Sheriff ponders.

What do ya mean I suppose? Hell, hes dead, aint he?

Well, I cant rightly say, my momma always said that the good Lord sends uswarnings but it is up to us to heed them. Maybe he just didnt heed his warnings. TheSheriff offered this bit of homespun spiritual wisdom.

Maybe yer getting soft headed in your years, the Deputy yucked it up until asmart cuff to the back of his head knocked his hat off. Im just kidding boss, sorry.

The Sheriff ignored the apology as he went through the vics wallet. He onlyhired the little pain in the ass, because hes his nephew. His brother is going to owe himhuge, especially if he comes to regret this arrangement. Well, any more than he doesalready. Inside the leather folds he finds something that stops his wandering thoughts offamilial obligation.

Hey His wallets got a picture of his wife and baby. The picture was from ahappier time. It showed a seemingly perfect little family, a snapshot of everything thatMr. Grey tossed aside in his selfish downward spiral.

Damn. Now thats a crying shame.

fin


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Too Late for Regrets by r. j. par from the Painted Aces series


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Health and Wellness

For those that want to

Bring Her Closerby C. S. Cartier

I am by far not an expert, and I certainly do not play one on the tele.

Experience has taught me a lot, and research has finished the job. I amamazed by the problems I see out there when I watch passers-by (yes, Iam the creepy dude staring at you). In an attempt to write my novel, Ipicked up a habit years ago of watching people. It is the little things,how they talk with their hands; or facial expressions when some betterlooking or better dressed individual walks by. There is the alwaysfamous, cup your hands to your mouth to point out an obese person(yea, that is not too discrete; why dont you just point and call themfatty have some guts if youre going to be a jerk).

Many of you know of the messy end to my relationship with my ex-wife, as I have written aboutit often enough. I am the sort of person that does not like failure, so I began to analyze whatfaults may have been mine and what I could do to fix them. I believe the old adage, We cannotchange someone else; we can only change ourselves. I discovered I was still a geek at heartbut the romantic inside was doing it all right. I am not a player (not by a long shot and I amcertainly not one to kiss and tell). But I do yearn to help people whenever I can. (Sorry ladiesthis article is mostly for the men, but fell free to let me know how far off the mark I am. Besides,if I am on the button, you will be the ones rewarded.)

How to be more physical with a Lady!

Marriages end because the fire dies, relationships fizzle before they start because my fellow gentsare messing up in a big way. Your dads probably did this, and somehow pop culture has madethe one-liner popular listen now THEY DO NOT WORK. Sure there is the exception to therule, everybody knows somebody that is a player that somehow always has a girl. That isbecause he knows something the most guys do not. Confidence is everything. If you want to dothe horizontal hop, you better be sure and pure. Clean yourself up; the shower is not scary is it?Brush your teeth and comb your hair. Deodorant would be a great touch, nothing will turn awomans head faster than B.O. (well, maybe Justin Timberlake walking in, but if that happens thecleanest guy doesnt have a chance).


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Start with chivalry. Guys often make the mistake of going from How you doin? straight tothe expectation of cruising the pleasure peaks. Once out of a million times that will work (damnJoey made it look so easy) Try starting slowly, and be a gentleman. It makes a good impressionand if she is worth the effort nothing was lost. If she is not worth the effort, you have some realissues and Dr Phil is waiting for your call.

Now, this is where confidence and chivalry mix well with a little guile. Open the door for herlightly touching the small of her back as you help guide her ahead slowly into the room (for thelove of everything holy dont push her). You want to make her comfortable to be around youand for a lady, the small things will eventually add up. Why do you think women push men awaywhen we though ourselves at them. Even if they wanted to get frisky, they are the pace car. Itstarts slow but eventually revs right up, looking good and purring.

Another way to light the fires of passion is as simple as a whisper. Whisper a secret, a little jokeor just excuses you for a private restroom business (it is not going that badly, just answer naturescall). It really does not matter what you say but the ear is very sensitive on nearly every woman.Speak slowly, with a soothing voice. Breathe softly letting your lips brush lightly against her ear

lobe. Remember, it is the little things.

A woman knows if you are full of crap, so dont be. Honest comments and most definitelynotice the effort she put into her attire and hair. It may have only taken us a couple minutes, butshe changed probably three times even before she decided what she was going to wear. That kindof effort is worth noticing. Again, be honest with any compliments. She will quiz you on it.Why do you like my dress? I dont know will put out any fire that may have been simmering.

While you are talking (talking is not a speech, it is two ways with LISTENING and questionsabout what you heard. u-huh will be a check in the piss off column. So, while you are talking,place sexual innuendoes into the conversation. Do not get filthy or gross or think you are talkingto one of your buddies. Softly, gently use words like thrusting, bliss, yearning, release. Put them

innocently in the conversation. Example Ya, I was waiting for this letter. I watched as themail was delivered very slowly. They are never in a rush. I was just glad she finally came. Icould see she was having difficulty opening the box; I made a mental note to lubricate it later.Which reminds me, I still have to get something to grease it up? I could not wait for it. I wasfilled with bliss when I saw it in the mailbox. I thrust my hand and fingers into the box after Ireleased the door.

Innocent flirting will bring you to a moment when she is expecting you to make a move.Remember confidence is your best friend. If she is laugh and having a good time, she wants youto be around for a reason. Use this because remember, she has to be comfortable around you.Instead of throwing yourself at her, move close as if you are going to kiss her but instead gotoward her ear. Whisper the following Good things come pull away slowly, pass her lips

touching them ever so lightly and go to the opposite ear. To those that wait. You have inthat move taken control. That is a sure way to stoke the fires that are burning inside her (no punintended). She will either begin to melt, or is total insulted that you took the control. At whichpoint, she will not want to wait and take the next step herself. Remember, timing is everythingand you do have to watch her and listen to her. Treat her like she wants to be treated. Withrespect and like a lady.


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All of these suggestions work to rekindle the flames in a marriage as well.

Good Luck, I can say with one hundred percent certainty that these work. Well, for methey did.

Comments are welcomed.

[email protected] Subject: Bring Her Closer

I would love to hear from the ladies to see their take on the subject. Guys do sometimesneed a road map.

Next issue:

Understanding the differences between a man

and a woman. It is easier than you think.

Kiss by C. S. Cartier


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Untitled by Engin Korkmaz


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poetry

Selected Poemby Wanda VanHoy Smith

Intro: I am an L.A. area poet who has been published in Poeticdiversity among otherpoetry magazines. My poetry covers lots of sand from jazz, the Beach to freeway travel.

CLOGGED LIFELINE

Plumbing hasn't improved much since Roman timesFlush toilets are admittedly better than chamber pots.

In medieval days chamber maids emptied potsout castle turrets on anything belowincluding Heads of State and Ladies-in- waiting.No princess ever had to wait for Router Rooter.to clear sewage from a clogged moat.

The garbage disposal is a piece of garbage inventedto bend spoons but not to dispose of disposable

diapers or stringy vegetable skin.The only thing safe to grind up in a garbage disposal

is cold water if it isn't too hard.Ice cubes and Jello are easily disposed of with hot water.

Be careful what comes out of your mouth, bitter words,insults, sour grapes can stop up pipe dreamsthe way cholesterol clogs the arteries to your heart.Call a doctor with tools and experience to clear angerthat clogs up the line from your brain to your mouth.Scientists reach outer space but are still in diaperswhen it comes to disposing of waste.

What we need is ananorobotic plumber with a nanobot snake.

Untitled by Josh Bowe


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Selected Poetryby Don Kingfisher Campbell

BIO: Don Kingfisher Campbell, host ofSaturday Afternoon Poetry in Pasadena and

editor of the San Gabriel Valley Poetry Quarterly, has recently been published inPhantom Seed and Sage Trail poetry magazines, and the Lunarosity and PoeticDiversity online poetry websites. He has also published a book of his 144 best poemsfrom 2007-2009 titled Amongst The Detritus, available on http://dkc1031.blogspot.comWant a poet in your classroom, library, bookstore, coffeehouse, or event?

Please e-mail [email protected]

I GOT THE

AMERICAN RIGHT

I got the American rightto wake up to an alarm clock

tuned to a talk radio station(too many bad things going on)

I got the American rightto take a hot showerand dry off with an imported towel(too many damn imports these days)

I got the American rightto drive my SUV to work

and use premium gasoline(too many emissions regulations anyway)

I got the American rightto put a cell phone to my earand talk my head off while I drive(I told you there's too many nitpicky laws)

I got the American right

to stop off and eat a double cheeseburgerand order some large fries too

(a person's got to live while you can)


to go to my HMO when I feel bad Ideals to Ashes by r. j. parand buy drugs from Canada on the internet

(good ol' American ingenuity, I say)


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to have my son enrolled in a private schooland avoid having him serve in the military

(leave that to the immigrant children)

I got the American rightto ignore my daughter's a lesbianand publicly declare homosexuals are going to hell(I usher in church every Sunday)

I got the American rightto own a home in the suburbs

and pay a variable rate mortgage(more talk radio to listen to on my commute)

I got the American rightto run up my credit card debtand relieve my burden by filing for bankruptcy(only in America can you start over and not go to jail)

I got the American rightto be buried any way I want

and have my relatives go on with their lives(that's the work ethic that made America great)

THIS MUST BE HEAVEN

Everyone who doesn't livein LA says we're the cityof lost angels. But for thoseof us who drive we believeour pathways are populatedby individuals in heavy armorzagging about directing with

pulsing hands and shoeschanging speed inside

carpeted compartments that movefrom home to driving interest.That is what trunks are for,to collect booty for placementback in our shrines to ourselves.

Open any door and discoverplaced portraits of souls ondisplay waiting for judgmentor earthquake. Either way

tangible detritus left behindseem to wait for our return.

That is our faith, that we willlive to breathe another dayfull of possessions which weknow will ultimately breaklike bodies. This must betrue for any place wealthyenough to have wings for sale

Untitled by Josh Bowe


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EL PLANETA DE LOS OREOS

so delightful this black oceaned and white continented worldthe round black framed white bellied people enjoy eatingblack crusted pizza covered with creamy white topping

as they sit at their white tableclothed black tables andwear black and white dresses and suits and ties simply to

exit their white windowed black houses and walk onwhite stone walkways around black bladed grass to go into their black cars sporting white rims which roll down

black (white lines through the middle) highway arrive atcircular black concrete plaza and lounge on raised white platform

dark and light mouths open in delight at the joy of livingon a delicious planet with black sky and white clouds except

for the fact their teeth are white with black spots all overwhich they try to clean by taking milk river baths while

standing on black stones as the white sun shines in the nightbut mostly their poetry is ours...which we can experience by

turning our video screens to the black and white setting

Selected Poemby Tindersen Blacktree Hoopdriver

Warm Stay

Impetus Hex

by Tindersen

Blacktree

Hoopdriver

Warm stay in the dry gapeClasping newly fitted iron.Enter thoughts of escape,Awaiting floods and mist.

Pluck

The sound of flocks of replicats

Accompany its band,Pulled back to their place ofcomfortBy the bodies necked in sand.

Tag

Bend arches of tradition.Inhale fresh promised swear.Live out the days in endless lightby the words they build up stair.

Hold

Words minted, held and tossedGargled magma spouting.The splash full hisses home birds offfor Tits with Lucy outings.

Snap

Chanting, Grace the air!For ears of stolen lyre,Bait the breath of the hurtlingWith the passion and the fire.

Dash

The art and craft swing hooksOn the back of floods and waves.To fish out fear in silent ones

And feed them to the brave.

Duck

What a mould of man thats made.What patterns fools make true.What white clad fare extend their hand

and take you too.


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Selected Poemby Frances Nichols Vargas

How Lucky A Mom am I?I remember the days as a little girlPlaying with all my childhood friendsAnd our laughing innocence back thenTaking bets on how old we all would beWhen God would grant our special dream

As those innocent years flew bywith heartbreak and lost lovesThe days of dreaming and wondering how life would change

Would soon become destiny

Finally that moment camePregnancy at last! My long awaited dreamAs my belly grewSo did the anticipationGod found ways to help prepare meWith the nine months of pregnancyThose months were all that they should have beenAnd plenty more

Finally the day was hereNo stalling anymoreThere is no better feeling thanThe sound of your babys first cryIt is pure heaven, happiness and joy!Along with a binding tie that can never be destroyed.

Your first breathTurned a little girl into a mother in an instantThe first time I held you gave perfect understandingand meaning to all the wisdom passedFrom one generation of moms to the nextOf course, all that was made easyBy the perfectly wrapped beautiful gift of a my newly born babyThinking back to those innocent timesI may have lost my bet from days long agoHowever, I won the best and greatest prize of all


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Fey Bridge by r. j. par

Selected Poetryby Stephen Campbell

In Northern Ireland we have a new peace, some would say a lasting peace, but there are manyobstacles on the path to peace here cutting through communities like a river cuts through thelandscape. In the North the land is split into two by the river Bann which cuts through theprovince dividing it into East and West. This split is also pronounced politically as here we hadthe phrase west of the Bann which was used to describe the generally poorer, more Catholic /Nationalist counties in western Northern Ireland, whilst the Protestant / Unionist industrialhinterland in the east was where most of the wealth and investment in the state generally was seento be spent. These distinctions have slowly eroded over time and in recent years a new bridge wasbuilt across the Bann, at the town ofToome, to ease traffic congestion between East and West.

Now that the troubles are over and we have a new power-sharing democracy in Northern Ireland Icame to see this bridge as a symbol of the new attempt to create peace in the province, seeing the

bridge as a representation of our new parliament at Stormont and its potential to smooth over ourcultural and religious differences. However when I wrote Toome Bridge there were still manyobstacles on the path to peace and the optimistic poem that I should have written heralding in agreat peace seems over cautious and cynical. We have had agreements and attempts to sharepower in the past and they have all failed, but on some occasions it is a great thing to be provenwrong as our peace today, rather than rusting away into nothing, has held, taken root, andblossomed. So when you read this poem take heart that no matter how deep and certain somedivisions may seem, courses can be changed or built over, and in our generation of change thereare some success stories.


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Wetland Dreams by r. j. par

Toome Bridge

Passing Toome, the bus rushes overThis new bridge. Metal rivets hold togetherThe link that meets over the Bann waters,

The steel, suspended, hints at forever.

Raised ropes helped raise this bridgeFrom the depths. A congested nation,Irelands traffic is eased, only rid,By a mutually sanctioned creation.

Waters crash against its girders,It holds, reluctant to fall into foam,Yet it rusts slowly and is picked apart, surelyLasting monuments have been hewn from stone?

(29/10/2007)

Yeats Epitaph

I write to imitate my friend,To make a verse of wonder suit,To complement and never endThe work of Yeats. He gave me fruit.His death made room for ranks to grow,Although now dead he never sleeps,

His faithful poets have followed;The fruit he gave produced a seed.


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Pars Poetic Perspectivesby r. j. par

Equine SmilesThe pungent aromais the first thingyou'll notice.

Farrier stalls awaitsaddle and bitleather tack.

Quarter-horse and pony

both stomp eagerfor release.

Open gates and enterat a fine trotpaddock space.

Cantor, rail, turns and jumpsthe tandem playperformance.

Rider, steed - posting in sync

nostrils flaringequine smiles.

Steed Sketch Yore by r. j. par


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Untitled by Lisa Marie Mueller


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pop culture

Movie Reviewby C. S. Cartier

Somewhere in the strands of time was lost the idea that television was simply a quick escape fromlife to relieve stress and to simply have a couple hours of fun. People, in my opinion, eitherwatch way too much of it and are slowly becoming a boob tube themselves or they watch howother people live their lives instead of living there own. Dont get me wrong, it is cheapentertainment (relatively) and I myself am a fan of several shows and movies and genres. I willbe the first one to rip a movie, or actor or director if I did not get my moneys worth; or worst yet,if I was moved in the wrong direction and that of course is away from fun.

Chances are, you have seen Titanic, Spiderman, or even Forest Gump. And that is all findand good, but as we are getting older I have discovered that we as a people are getting way toopicky in what we want. Yes, movies and television is all about the big bucks. I just want toknow, whatever happened to just having fun?

So, I thought I would play a game. Ten worst movies of all times according to Budget andBox Office draw. I personally think these numbers do not really mean anything because DVDsare big business as is Pay per View Satellite and Cable. Let me know if you enjoyed any one ofthese, I bet you have ([email protected]). One of these is actually in my top ten favorites.

1. The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002)

Director: Ron Underwood Writer: Neil CuthbertStarring: Eddie Murphy, Randy Quaid, Rosario DawsonBudget: $100 millionBox Office: $4.4 millionTotal Loss: $95.6 million

OUCH!!! I personally have never seen this movie; I do know that funny man Murphywas paid 20 million bucks for this film. Critics did hate this one calling it careless,unfocused, and cosmic slop. Eddie was certainly laughing all the way to the bank,though.

2. Town & Country (2001)Director: Peter Chelsom Writer: Michael Laughlin, Buck HenryStarring: Warren Beatty, Diane Keaton, Goldie Hawn, Garry ShandlingBudget: $90 millionBox Office: $6.7 millionTotal Loss: $83.3 million


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This one was Warren Beattys latest film and according to IMDB he is not working on any rightnow. Famed for roles in movies like Bugsy in 91, Dick Tracy in 1990, and most notably forhis Oscar for Best Director in Red in 1981; Beatty is an actor, director, and producer and alsorumored to be the reason this movies release date was not only delayed 12 times but had

expensive and costly re-shoots. Hollywood most definitely will remember this movie to be thesecond biggest financial loss. I do not like Beatty that much, so I never did see this one. If I everdo see this, it will be for Keaton and Hawn.

3. The Postman (1997)Director: Kevin Costner Writer: David Brin, Eric Roth, BrianHelgelandStarring: Kevin Costner, Will Patton, (and believe it or not Tom Petty)Budget: $80 millionBox Office: $18 million

Total Loss: $62 million

The good news is that this movie won and was nominated for a bunch of awards, bad news itwas a Razzie Award for Worst Actor, Worst Director, Worst Original Son, Worst Picture, andWorst Screenplay. And like other Costner movies this one is also a long one, running for 177minutes. In life, there are always good and bad sides to everything. The good news is, I did notever see this movie; and the bad news is I did purchase a DVD of it. I have a ton of movies that Ibought and never watched. Ive wasted money on stupider things. (To be fair Dancing withWolves was a great movie, that is the only reason I did buy it.)

4. Cutthroat Island (1995)Director: Renny Harlin Writer: Michael Frost Beckner, JamesGormanStarring: Geena Davis, Matthew Modine, Frank LangellaBudget: $70 millionBox Office: $11 millionTotal Loss: $59 million

I have not seen this movie, but I would. I love Geena Davis and I also like Modine. Lets face it,this movie would not be the Pirates of the Caribbean but I would not expect it to be. I wouldhave a problem with a female pirate but pirate ships fighting never gets old. Researching thismovie forced me to change my mind as there are a lot of Goofs in the two hour four minute film.

The director took not care in any details. After the two battleships fire many broadsides at eachother (some hitting), there is apparently no visible damage when they are boarding. That kind ofstuff just ruins movies for me.

5. Hudson Hawk (1991)Director: Michael Lehmann Writer: Bruce Willis, Robert KraftStarring: Bruce Willis, Danny Aiello, Andie MacDowell, JamesCoburn


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Budget: $70 millionBox Office: $17 millionTotal Loss: $53 million

I own this movie, I love this movie. I have seen this movie probably fifty times. Critics hated it,but it is simply fun and have a good time watching it. This movie also has Sandra Bernhard, anda very young David Caruso. I remember Willis talking about this movie saying that he wasembarrassed by making it. I was so upset damn that means he will not be making a sequel.Sure why not Stallone came back and did yet another Rambo. If anyone should beembarrassed

6. Gigli (1991)Director: Martin Brest Writer: Martin BrestStarring: Ben Affleck, Jennifer Lopez, Christopher WalkenBudget: $54 millionBox Office: $5.7 million

Total Loss: $48.3 million

This movie was way back when Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez were the over media-sizedBennifer relationship. Gawd am I feeling old! I did see this movie but it was soooo good, Iremember absolutely nothing about it. The reason I did see it, is my favorite actor is in it.Christopher Walken is the best! I would see it again, but only for him again.

7. Ishtar (1987)Director: Elaine May Writer: Elaine May

Starring: Warren Beatty, Dustin Hoffman, Charles Grodin, IsabelleAdjaniBudget: $51 millionBox Office: $14.4 millionTotal Loss: $ 36.6 million

This movie did not get bad reviews, and was all in all not that bad. Ishtar actually spent one weekat number one but still it was a Sunday night movie at best. The movie simply had not appeal tothe general public.

8. Howard The Duck (1986)Director: Willard Huyck Writer: Steve Gerber, Willard Huyck,Gloria KatzStarring: Lea Thompson, Jeffrey Jones, Tim RobbinsBudget: $35 millionBox Office: $16.3 millionTotal Loss: $28.7 million


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Howard the Duck was a great a awesome movie. It is a hate it or love it film. I can think of oneother that absolutely loves it. Executive producer George Lucas was a part of this lame file and Ibet that kids nowadays would love it. I think it was before its time.

9. Battlefield Earth (2000)Director: Roger Christian Writer: Corey Mandell, JD Shapiro, L RonHubbardStarring: John Travolta, Barry Pepper, Forest Whitaker, Kim CoatesBudget: $41 millionBox Office: $21.5 millionTotal Loss: $22.5 million

I went to see the movie as I am a Sci-fi Addict. It was alright but did not really hold my interest

as a fan or the art. Bad reviews kill the movie as did the bad makeup.

10. Zyzzyx Rd. (2006)Director: John Penney Writer: John Penney

Starring: Katherine Heigl, Tom Sizemore, Leo GrilloBudget: $2 millionBox Office: $30Total Loss: $1,999,970

Did you hear of this one? I did not. There was no official opening weekend and holds the record(Guinness World Record of course) for Lowest Grossing Film of All Time. I do not have a typo.Thirty bucks was all it made. No Joke.The movie ran for six days at the Highland Village Park Theater in Texas. It pulled in $30.00.The film is still waiting for global release.

I would love to know if anyone has a) heard of it and b) has seen it.

Popcorn films are a dying breed, but if you are lucky you can catch a good junk foodfilm, sit back and enjoy TV the way it was intended to be watched. Or you can be like

the countless millions an actually give a damn who survives on the damn island or eventhe musical series which somehow finds it way in the Top 100 with covers of great songsthat are simply poor rip offs. Im glad I do not watch television any more.


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Author Interview: Steve Thomasonby Brad Bellmore

Steve Thomason is a freelance artist and writer. His first novel, Pleroma was recently released.

It is the first book in a sci-fi/fantasy series called The Nectar Trilogy. Brad Bellmore took theopportunity to ask Thomason about his book.

RKYV: Tell us a little about Pleroma.

Steve Thomason: Pleroma is Book One in the Nectar Trilogy. It is the story of a high schooljunior named Lane. He and his little brother, Josh, have been living in fear of his alcoholic fatherever since their mother died in a car crash 7 years earlier. One day Lane got into an exceptionallyviolent fight with his dad and hid himself under the bed in fear of his life. While under the bed hefalls into another world.

In this world Lane is a giant and the Deltonian people believe he is the Pleroma, fulfilling theprophecy that a giant would fall from the sky and deliver their tribe from the oppression of aneighboring tribe called the Altanians. For the past generation the Altanians have conquered andoppressed all the tribes under the leadership of another giant that they call the Bellator. Each yearthe Altanians hold a festival and allow one champion from each conquered tribe to face theBellator in a battle to the death. If they defeat him, they win their freedom. Each year the tribes

try, and each year another warrior is mutilated in a bloody display of power.

Throughout the story, Lane is convinced that this world is a figment of his imagination. Hebelieves that he is actually in a coma, lying in a hospital room, and his subconscious is trying tolead him to wake up. He realizes that he must play out the fantasy, face his fears, and defeat theenemy in order to wake up, get home, and protect his little brother from his violent father.

In the end, Lane makes some discoveries that surprise him. The story takes some fun twists andturns, has a good balance of action and character development, and keeps you guessing to theend.

RKYV: What is the bigger story arc? What is the overall Nectar Trilogy about?

ST: Ultimately, the Nectar Trilogy has two arcs. The surface arc, and the underlying theme. Atthe surface, this is a science fiction story in which Lane Gray discovers that there are multiplerealities coexisting in the universe. When these realities intersect, portals open and allow passagebetween them. By the end of the third story, we discover that one race of beings, made of pureenergy, existing in a plane of reality with no matter, innocently discover other realities and beginto explore them.


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Their exploration, however, wreaks havoc on the eco systems of the other realities. Lane and hisfamily find themselves in the focal point of this devastation and have to find a way to restorebalance to these realities before everything is destroyed. Throughout the adventure we see howentire religious systems can be constructed around the misinterpretation of observable, butindefinable phenomenon. The misinterpretation of these events can lead to hatred, war, andunnecessary violence, and the manipulation of power to subject others to feed the needs of selfish

desire. At the heart of this trilogy, however, is the story of a boy and his father whose relationshiphas been severed by fear, anger, and alcoholism. It is a story of redemption from addiction andthe reconciliation of a broken family.

RKYV: Where did the idea for this story first come from?

ST: Originally, this story sparked in college as I was daydreaming about the possibility of otherplanes of reality. Of course, I knew this idea had been done many times and in many ways, but Iwanted to explore it for myself. The problem was that I was not a scientist and didn't think I couldpull off telling the story in a believable way.

RKYV: Where did the idea for these characters come from?

ST: When the story first germinated in my imagination I was too immature to write it. Plus, Iwas intimidated by it. So, I let it sit and simmer over the years. Over the course of the years twoimportant things happened to me. First, I was involved in ministry in which I interacted with agreat deal of families in crisis. I was exposed to many young people who had tragic stories ofpain and suffering. That really affected me. Second, I had children of my own. Four children,actually. Over the course of the past 15 years, I would tell this story to them, and each time I toldit, the story would grow and morph. Each of them added their own twist to it. Essentially, this isour story--my wife, mine, and my kids.

The characters evolved from the needs of the plot. I wanted a main character that I could identifywith at some level. Otherwise, I knew I couldn't write his story. Jetthro and Gustov are the two

voices that each of us hear as we face difficult circumstances in our lives. Gustov is the perpetualoptimist, always giving inspiring speeches and urging us to move forward. Jethro is the skeptic,the pessimist, the one who is convinced that the situation is beyond hope. Yet, he is draggedthrough the motions and ends up being the rock in the end. By the time I started writing I realizedthat this wasn't really about the science fiction after all. This was a story about a family and thecharacters within it. I didn't have to be a science expert after all. I just needed to write a storyabout real people.

RKYV: Do you find anything of yourself in these stories? These characters?

ST: I find myself in all of the characters. Since this is my first fiction, I feel like this wholetrilogy is just an exploration of my personality and my imagination. While I have never suffered

like Lane has (the truth is that I grew up in a very safe and loving home) I identify with his senseof not really fitting in with his peers. I definitely tapped into my own psyche to create Lane.

The other characters are just manifestations of the different voices and fascinations I have in myhead. I've always joked that my mind is never in the same place as my body. In one sense, that'swhat this whole story is all about.

On another level, since I am a theologian of sorts, this story is a vehicle for me to explore sometheological ideas that otherwise are difficult to discuss within the confines of my culture.


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RKYV: How far are you in the trilogy? How soon can we expect the next book?

ST: I am currently half way through writing the second book. I wrote the first half last summerand plan to finish writing it this summer. If all goes well, I could have it finished by the end of theyear, or in the spring of 2011 at the latest.

RKYV: How much of the story did you have in place before you started writing?

ST: I came into the writing process with a basic skeleton. I knew generally where I wanted to go,definitely where I wanted to end up, but I really didn't know how I was going to get from point Ato point B.

RKYV: Why fantasy? Did the story evolve as fantasy? Or did you choose to write a fantasystory and then discover this particular story?

ST: I'm not sure if this is true fantasy or science fiction? Its both, I suppose. Either way, Idefinitely chose this genre because here there are no rules. When you want to explore new ideas,it is much easier to do it when you don't have to worry about believability. It's a different world,right? Why couldn't that happen?

RKYV: What do you do when youre not writing?

ST: Ha! Too much. I currently have two jobs. I own my own freelance illustration studio--SpotStudios, Inc. www.stevethomason.com. Freelance is a feast and famine business, so sometimes I

have more work than I can handle and other times I wonder how I'm going to pay the mortgage.Recently, I took a part-time (20-25 hours/week) at a local church as the Director of SpiritualFormation.

RKYV: Has your other writing influenced/informed your fiction? How so?

ST: Absolutely. My other writing is in the field of Spiritual Formation, Biblical Studies, andTheology. These fields ignite my imagination, which fuels my fiction. To me, they are simplytwo branches from the same creative spirit of God working in and through me.

RKYV: Tell us a bit about the other writing you do.

ST: Throughout my life I have served as a pastor/teacher in different capacities; sometimes full-time, sometimes part time. I have developed curriculum for adults in the local church and havetaught Bible and Theology at the undergraduate level. You can see this work atwww.vibblespace.com .

RKYV: How has your visual art influenced your writing?

ST: As an artist I am a visual thinker. I see in pictures. I think the ability to visualize the "movie"in my head while writing has helped me to create good descriptive passages.


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RKYV: How has your writing influenced your art?

ST: That's a good question. I think the simple process of cultivating imagination in differentparts of your brain simply enriches all the other aspects of the creative process. I hate gettingstuck in a rut. By having the ability to toggle back and forth between writing fiction, writing non-

fiction, and creating visual art, it keeps me very nimble.

RKYV: What is your writing process like?

ST: First, I make a commitment that I will write 5 days a week for the entire summer. I can onlywrite when the kids are out of school because during the school year I spend my early morninghelping them get ready and off to school. In the summer they sleep in and I have a few goldenhours of silence. Next, I set a daily word count goal of 1500 words. Then, I just settle down intothe zone and start writing. Sometimes it takes a little while to get into the zone, but once I getthere the story starts telling itself to me. I pretend like I'm watching the movie and I just dictatewhat I'm seeing. When I come up for air I check my word count, and if I reached the goal, thenI'm done. If not, I write some more. After that, I go for a walk and visualize what I've just written.

In the process I see the next section come into focus. Then I go to work, do my normal life things,and go to bed with the scene in my mind. The next morning I am ready to write.

My wife reads it and edits for spelling and grammar as I go along, which is a really nice bonuswhen I'm ready to come back and edit. While I'm writing, though, I don't edit or worry aboutbeing any good during this phase. I just want to get it down and out of my head. Once the summeris over, then I find time during the fall to put on my editorial lenses and shred the manuscript forstructure and grammar. After that, I send the manuscript to a few editors and let them tear it apart.

RKYV: How did you get connected with your publisher?

ST: I'm currently self-publishing. In the flattening world I discovered that I could produce a

quality book myself and distribute it through Amazon. I'm using a Print on Demand resource, sothe overhead is almost nothing for printing.

I am still going to pursue the traditional publishing route as well. More and more publishers arelooking for good self-published books as potential new properties to acquire. I figure I'll try tobuild a small readership with my limited resources, and then pass it off to the big guys if andwhen they ever bite.

RKYV: Where did you go to school? Did you study art or writing?

ST: I received a B.A. in Art from Wheaton College in 1990. That was primarily classical arttraining. I custom tailored my independent studies to focus on animation. In 2002 I earned a

Masters of Divinity from Bethel Theological Seminary. I have never studied writing in a formalway outside of standard English classes. I just love to read.


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RKYV: Who/what are your influences?

ST: I'm afraid I'm not too original in this department. I read the Chronicles of Narnia in fourthand fifth grade and then read C.S. Lewis's Space Trilogy. That same year I saw Star Wars.Between Narnia and Star Wars, I was hooked on dreaming about new worlds.Over the years I have matured and grown up with C.S. Lewis as I devoured most of histheological and philosophical writings as well. I have to admit that I am a Lewis junkie.Other fiction writers I enjoy: L'Engle, Stephen R. Lawhead, Tolkien, Gaiman. TheologicalAuthors: Francis Schaeffer, Brian McLaren, Stanley Grenz, Dallas Willard,

RKYV: What inspires you?

ST: Ideas. I love to think of things in new ways. I also love to learn.

RKYV: Do you use your creative process for self discovery?

ST: I think these are inseparable. The more we explore new creative pathways, the more wediscover how we function and process the world around us.

RKYV: What are you reading right now?

ST: I just finished a fun little book by Neil Gaiman and Micheal Reeves called Interworld. I am

also reading Jesus Wants to Save Christians by Rob Bell.

RKYV: Whats next? Are there any plans for other projects besides Nectar?After Nectar?

ST: I have a few other novels in my head. One is pure science fiction, dealing with a possibleexplanation for autism. Another one is a sci-fi thriller with a theological spin, dealing withunlocking the pineal gland and entering into the spirit world. Another one is a modern retelling ofthe story of the Old Testament story of Job. Those will keep me busy for the next decade!

RKYV: How can we find your Pleroma?

ST: Amazon http://www.amazon.com/Pleroma-Steve-Thomason/dp/0984067078Kindle Editionhttp://www.amazon.com/Pleroma-The-Nectar-Trilogy-ebook/dp/B003AILNIW

Barnes and Noblehttp://search.barnesandnoble.com/Pleroma/Steve-Thomason/e/9780984067077

Since it is on these sites, you can find it on hundreds of online retailers.


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Comic Book ReviewBy Brad Bellmore

DV8

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Wildstorm Productions released a new DV8miniseries, Gods and Monsters, written byBrian Wood and illustrated by Rebekah Isaacs.The story is that of a group of eight superpowered agents that are dropped on a primitiveworld. Because they have super powers, theyare seen as gods by the people the come incontact with. How they use and abuse thatpower and the circumstances provides the dramafor this eight issue series.

The art is standard superhero fare. Nothing too exciting but it does the job well and has a nicelook to it. Isaacs is obviously a talented artist and that shows. She is quite good with faces,particularly portraying emotion and perhaps that will play out stronger as the series continues.This is a tale as dependent on the emotion of the characters as it is the action to carry the drama,so I expect that to shine through. Overall, I didnt think the art did much to propel the story.

At times I found the storytelling difficult to follow. The story mostly follows a group ofcharacters but is narrated by another who has her information second hand as she was not withthem. Her narration fluctuates between telling the story and conversing with an unseeninterrogator. Unfortunately, those transitions arent always clear. I found myself rereadingcaption boxes to understand what was just said. Of course, in the set up of the story, I suppose

that the dialogue is part of the narration. It gets confusing though and hurts the flow of the story.

On the whole, I enjoyed the book. I love the main concept of those with powers being elevated tothe place of being gods. It goes back to the old saying about the corruption of power. My guess isthat given the opportunity, those with powers would become kings or gods whenever they can.Look at what happens to professional athletes and they arent impervious or able to fly. Thispromises to be look into that dark side of humanity, even if its upper powered humanity.

This is a truly intriguing story. I hope this continues to live up to its promise.


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Lackluster World

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Lackluster World is an independentcomic series written and drawn by EricAdams. It is published by GenerationEric Publishing and is available at theironline store atwww.lacklusterworld.com.

I discovered this series at the S.P.A.C.E.

convention last month and is one of mymore enjoyable finds from the event. Infact, it is the discovery of books like thisthat make the trip to conventions worththe time.

This is the story ofFahrenheitMonahan, a man disillusioned with theworld and has ventured deep into thecynicism that engenders. His lack ofhappiness perplexes his coworker, Cog

and greatly disturbs his brother, Kelvinand sister, Celsius. We meet Fahrenheitat the point of discovery that everyone isso lacking in vitality of life that we areessentially zombies.

He is out to change the world, wanting people to question why they arent truly living.Cog is closer to his way of thinking than he realizes because they are often at odds,mostly because they dont fit smoothly into each others worlds. Kelvin and Celsius aretrying desperately to squeeze their brother into their religion, certain that will fixeverything for him, them and the entire world.

This story is an awesome social commentary. Adams comes out and challenges usdirectly with the idea that if death is the point we stopped living then we are a bunch ofdead people walking around. Why do we lack true life? Adams offers some ideas on that,some of which I agree with and some I dont. To discover what they might be, you willhave to read the book. I love the question he poses: Where were you the day you died?


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Conceptually, this is one of the strongest story ideas Ive read. The dialogue gets a littleoverbearing at times. All in all, the preaching reminds me ofFight Club, so it fits thestory. The symbolism that keeps popping up is intriguing. Im not fully sure as to why themain characters are all named after temperature scales, but I think it has to do with theirability to judge/measure society or each other.

The art in this book is what you might expect to find in the comics page of your localpaper. It is a great look and it lends itself to telling this tale. I dont think that the irony,cynicism or sarcasm of this story would shine through as well if the look were different.There is a film noir feel to the pages and that darkness carries the storys darkness. Afterall, despite everyones concern about Fahrenheits happiness, this is not a happy tale.Adams adds a lot of great details. There a many subtle jokes, a few that I missed in myfirst reading. My favorite is the note on Fahrenheits hat at his birthday party whichshows us that he endures the celebration as if it were his own crucifixion.

Ive only read the first of the six issues, but from what Ive read so far this is worth

pursuing further. Granted, because of the content and emotional darkness, this may not befor everyone. Some may even be offended by Adams analysis as to why we all arezombies. But, with that being the case, Adams is much like Fahrenheit: is he a visionaryor a vandal? You have to read to find out.

Eric Adams creator, artist, writer Lackluster World


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Raised on Saturday Morning Cartoonsby Pauline Par

When Ron Howards 1989 film, Parenthoodwas released I enjoyed it at the theatre withfriends. It was a funny and sentimental film withenjoyable characters and a lot of heart. One thingabout film is the difficulty of fleshing out all thecharacters in a large cast in about 2 hours.

I am not a huge fan of family dramas. In fact, Icant remember the last time I watched a weeklyfamily drama on a regular basis. I only tried theshow because it happened to premiere in a slow

week in January. The first episode was intriguing,the second, wonderful. After half a season, I feellike part of the Braverman Family. Thecharacters are fleshed out and defy stereotypes.

The writing and pacing are superb.


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Parenthood is actually the second attempt at turning the movie into a television show.The first attempt was in 1990, shortly following the success of the original movie.

The show lasted only 12 episodes despite a stellar cast. Twenty years later seems to bethe right time to try again. The family name has changed but many of the dynamics of thefilm are intact.

The cast of the 2010 version is still stellar. The pivotal roles of the Braverman family

heads go to Craig T. Nelson (Coach) and Bonnie Bedelia (Die Hard). LaurenGraham (Gilmore Girls) and Erika Christensen (Swimfan) join a cast of verytalented actors. The Bravermans have 4 grown children, each with their own families andtheir own set of unique challenges.

1. There is Adam Braverman who tries to take on all the problems of his familywhile dealing with the challenges of raising a child with Aspergers syndrome.

2. Sarah Braverman is a single mom with two teenagers who has to start all overafter a bad marriage fails.

3. Julia Braverman-Graham is a successful lawyer with a stay at home husbandand a little girl. She is proud of her success but she struggles with the amount oftime it allows her to spend with her family.

4. Crosby Braverman just found out that he has a 5-year-old son. He was enjoyinga life of few responsibilities but now realizes that he would not trade his newfamily life for anything.


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This ensemble cast works very well together and the storylines are always fresh and fun.There is a little comedy involved but most episodes just pull at your heartstrings. RonHoward is the Executive Producer and the quality of this show is quite evident. This oneis a keeper and it was thankfully renewed for a second season.

Next month I will be checking out some new and old summer shows, guaranteeing usthat we dont have to give up our roles as couch potatoes in the coming months!

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