RMDK Leaders FINAL Pages · PDF fileRRMDK Leaders FINAL Pages CS2.ind149 149MDK Leaders FINAL...

R M D K

L E A D E R ’ S

G U I D E

+

R M D K

L E A D E R ’ S

G U I D Ecreated by

Robert Lewis and

SonLight Productions

RMDK Leaders FINAL Pages CS2.ind147 147RMDK Leaders FINAL Pages CS2.ind147 147 8/29/2005 2:21:15 PM8/29/2005 2:21:15 PM


Leader’s Guide Introduction

Thank you for stepping into this crucial role of leader as you bring dads together who desire to be better fathers and more strategically invested in raising up their sons.

By taking on this role, you have the opportunity to facilitate the changing of lives and history. That’s because when a dad discovers how to connect with his son in life-giving ways critical to his development, great things usually follow. A son grows up healthy and empowered and becomes a difference maker of the future. Your role is to believe that and assist other dads in getting this strategy started. You’re a difference maker right now; so enjoy the journey!

One of the great things you will fi nd in this adventure series is that you don’t have to teach. You don’t have to be the expert either. Robert Lewis and Dennis Rainey bring the experience and expertise to these presentations that you, as well as the other dads, will enjoy. Your role will be more as a guide and facilitator. This instructional Leader’s Guide and the “Leader’s Training” (on the Leader’s Resources DVD) will provide all the help you need to succeed in those two leadership functions. So be encouraged! The best move you can make right now as a leader is to thoroughly familiarize yourself with all that is contained within this Leader’s Guide and the “Leader’s Training” found on the “Leader’s Resources” DVD. Those are the winning steps to starting right.

Becoming Familiar with this Adventure SeriesThis adventure series is built around three important experiences for each dad who participates:

1. Six weekly video and discussion sessions called “adventures.” Be sure you meet six straight weeks to keep the momentum this adventure series builds going!

2. Robert Lewis’ book Raising a Modern-Day Knight. The reading of this book is coordinated to match the focus of the weekly adventures. It will provide much needed additional insight and understanding to the overall experience. Therefore, encourage the dads to read the assigned chapters every week.

3. Weekly assigned projects for dads to do with their son(s). In your training guide workbook, these projects are called “Dad’s Challenge.” The projects are “doable” for every dad, so no one will feel overwhelmed, but they are critical to the success of this series. Make sure every dad understands this and participates. Follow through on these “Dad’s Challenges” is key to the success of this adventure series.

The three experiences listed above make up the bull’s-eye of this adventure series. As a leader, your role is to help ensure every dad completes each of these!


There is also one “optional experience” included in this adventure series that a dad can, and hopefully will, participate in though it’s not required. It’s called “Armor Up,” a daily devotional that compliments each week of this adventure series. You will fi nd a detailed explanation of “Armor Up” before the fi rst set of devotionals. Encourage the dads to try this experience, but leave it optional.

The Outline of Each AdventureThis would be a good time to open your Raising a Modern-Day Knight Training Guide.

First go to the Table of Contents page. Look over the titles of the six adventures you will be leading other dads through. Each of these adventures follows a similar format and outline.

Now turn to Adventure I. Notice the section headings that outline this fi rst adventure (as well as the fi ve other adventures.) Below is a brief explanation of each of the section headings.

t Prepare…and Share—tells you and the other dads what must be done in order to be ready to begin each adventure. This section becomes particularly important after Adventure I in reminding the dads of the reading assignments and projects they will share about as the session begins.

t What to Look For in this Adventure—states the main objective for this session. It’s the one thing you as a leader need to be sure to have accomplished by session’s end. As a leader you can use this objective to evaluate how successfully your meeting went. Afterwards, ask yourself if you believe this objective was met.

t What to Expect – summarizes the session’s practical “Dad’s Challenge” (which will come later) and what it will involve.

t Video Notes— are included for several reasons. First, to provide the key points from the video session so that the dads won’t miss or forget them. Second, to release the dads from having to take extensive notes while watching the session. You should remind the dads of this before viewing each video. Of course, dads should feel free to write down anything that particularly grabs their attention if they want to. Third, you as a leader can use these video notes to preview a session in order to identify any key facts or ideas you may want to highlight in the discussion that follows.

t Initial Reactions to the Video—Immediately following the video, take a moment to have the dads privately digest what they just saw using the questions under this heading to focus their thinking. Let them sit quietly for a few moments and refl ect.

Have a favorite “guy movie” score cued up on a CD player and use it as background during the refl ection time (one song is more than enough time). Music from Braveheart,


Dances with Wolves, Legends of the Fall, The Last of the Mohicans and other epic adventure soundtracks can create a thought-provoking environment in contrast to silence. As the leader, it’s important that you choose the song ahead of time and have it ready to go. Once the song is over, turn the music off and move into Your Round Table Discussion.

No need to make this time long and drawn out. If you see the guys are ready to talk, fade

out the music and ask them about their initial responses to what they have just seen.

A couple of the videos sessions may evoke feelings or emotions that some of the guys may have never processed. Be sensitive in this regard. Don’t pressure these dads to share any more than they want to. Keep it safe.

The overall goal here is to give the guys in your group a few minutes or so to unpack what they just saw and transition into their small group round table discussion.

t Your Round Table Discussion—The overall atmosphere you as a leader want to maintain with your men is that “we’re all in this together.” The four discussion questions in each round table discussion echo the on-screen conversation by the dads. Some quotes from the video as well as from the book are used to focus the questions. Don’t let any one dad dominate this discussion time. Make sure every dad gets to participate.

t Dad’s Challenge—simply reiterates and further clarifi es the challenge Robert gave to dads in the video session. The dads can refer back to this section when preparing to meet with their son and do the assignment. Your role as a leader is to make sure each dad understands this assignment and how to accomplish it with his son.

t Dad’s Prayer—The prayer found in this section offers a good way to end each adventure session. Have the guys read through the prayer in silence and refl ect on it. Then have everyone close the session by reading it aloud in unison. This is a great way to end.

Before you let the guys go, remind them that the next adventure will begin with a brief sharing time about the Dad’s Challenge and what they learned from reading a section of Robert’s book, Raising a Modern-Day Knight.

t Journal for the Journey—is for dads to record both their thoughts and the interaction they had with their sons after following through on the “Dad’s Challenge.” Next week’s adventure will open with you as a leader asking the dads to share from this journal what took place when they did the “Dad’s Challenge” with their sons.

t reading Refl ections—has been provided for each dad to record his personal responses to the assigned reading of Robert’s book Raising a Modern-Day Knight. Each dad will be asked to share one or two insights from his reading at the opening of next week’s session.


Other Noteworthy Items in Your Workbook1. Dad’s Workout Program for His Son. You will fi nd this foldout, color workout program in Adventure III. So turn there and open it. The workout program is a special feature of the RMDK series. It provides a long-term game plan—21 years—and the critical investments a strategic dad should make in his son(s). This workout program is fully explained by Robert and Dennis on video as well as in the workbook. For now, it’s important to know that this is a workout program given to guide the dads after they fi nish their six weeks of training with you as their leader. Hopefully each dad will enlist one or two other dads after this series and together, work this plan into their sons’ lives.

2. Legacy Album. Turn to the back of your workbook where you will fi nd the section entitled “Legacy Album.” This album has been provided to help you and the other dads capture great memories with your sons as you live out, in the years ahead, the “Dad’s Workout Program” discussed above. Be sure to read the information about this album that you will fi nd there. Also, notice the samples Robert has given to his own son to help you and the other dads visualize what a Legacy Album could actually look like.

At the end of Adventure VI, you will want to launch the men out with a vision for completing the “Dad’s Workout Program for His Son” and creating a “Legacy Album” that each dad can give to his son at around age 21.

The All-Important Orientation Meeting in Getting STartedThis video training series consists of six adventure sessions. However, there is a critical fi rst meeting you must have before you begin. It will orient the dads about this series, secure their commitment to participate, provide a time to order their workbooks and books with payment, and set the meeting dates, time, and place.

This orientation meeting will be important whether you are leading a few dads through this series in a small group setting or using this material to reach a large number of dads in multiple small groups at church. Either way, an orientation meeting gets every dad started right!

Here’s an outline of how to make this orientation meeting work for you as a leader:

1. Put the word out—You may already have a circle of friends you want to have in your group. That’s great. Tell them about what you want to do and personally invite them to the orientation meeting. Tell them they do not have to commit to anything until after they have been to this meeting which will give them all the information they need to make a decision on their involvement. If you are trying to reach a large number of dads with this series, you will need to advertise this orientation meeting with ads, fl yers, announcements in the church bulletin or pulpit, etc. Help in this regard can be obtained from our website www.RMDK.com. We have also provided a 30-minute television special on the Leader’s


Resources DVD that you can show on cable TV in order to get the word out to other dads in your community that you are hosting this series at your church.

2. Follow this schedule —Host the orientation meeting in the room or house where you intend to conduct the six sessions each week. If hosted in a house, it’s best if the dads can sit in a circle around a table or in a circle of comfortable seats where they can all see a TV screen (the larger, the better).

If you use this training series with a large group of men at a church, make sure they are organized into small groups of no more than fi ve or six seated around tables. Have a large screen you can play the videos on that all the dads can see well. The larger the screen, the more enjoyable the video!

Then follow this orientation schedule as the men arrive:

t Have some refreshments ready to welcome and aid in light conversation at the beginning.

t Call the meeting to order by telling the dads why you are excited about leading them through a series like this.

t Give them a brief overview of the series, explaining the three experiences this adventure series is built around: the six weekly video/discussion sessions; the reading of Robert’s book, Raising a Modern-Day Knight; and the “Dad Challenges” the men will get to do with their sons. Encourage the men about how these experiences will help them. Also, show the dads the long-term “Dad’s Workout Program” and the “Legacy Album,” both of which will be very exciting for the dads to see and anticipate doing.

t Next, show the dads the “long promo” on the Leader’s Resources DVD. This will be an introduction to Robert Lewis and give the dads a good fi rst taste of the videos.

t Now show the dads the two items that they will need to purchase to begin: the RMDK Training Guide and Robert’s book, Raising a Modern-Day Knight. Again, encourage the dads with the value of these items, especially the workbook (with video notes, daily devotionals, a long-term workout program for their sons, a Legacy Album, etc.).

t Tell the dads the date you will begin and emphasize you will meet six straight weeks at the same time and place. Allow enough time between the orientation meeting and the fi rst adventure to purchase and secure the workbooks and books for all the dads.

t At this point open it up for a time of questions and answers so every dad is clear. If you are leading a large group, one item you will want to mention is how the small groups are to be formed. Encourage the dads before the fi rst meeting to personally organize their own small group and come to the fi rst meeting as that group (remember, no more than fi ve or six to a group). As the leader, you can work with those dads who may still need a group to belong to. We suggest you have some volunteer small group leaders available for these dads.


t When the Q and A has concluded, ask the men to make a commitment by signing up and paying you for their materials. You will have their book and workbook waiting for them at the fi rst meeting. All the materials can be ordered at www.RMDK.com.

t You are now ready to begin!

Key “To Do’s” For Each Adventure

Adventure 1 – Sizing Yourself Up as a Dad

t Make sure every dad has a book and workbook.

t Have some refreshments at the beginning.

t Open with a “starter question” to the dads like…”What do you hope to leave with after this series?” or “What expectations do you have coming into a series like this?” or “What motivated you to join our group?”

t After watching the video, give the men some time to process what they’ve heard by playing some music while they write their “Initial Reaction to the Video…” in their training guide workbook.

t After your “Round Table Discussion,” clarify the “Dad’s Challenge” for the men. Make sure each and every dad understands it.

t Before praying the “Dad’s Prayer” together, have the men sign the “Knight’s Commitment” page in their own workbook and in each of the other dad’s workbooks in their small group.

t After the prayer, explain to the dads that the “Journal for the Journey” is their written report on following through on the “Dad’s Challenge” with their sons.

t Then explain the “Armor Up” devotionals. Point out that a written explanation is also in their workbook before the fi rst set of “Armor Up” devotionals. Encourage the dads to make this part of experiencing this series, but remind them it is optional.

t Finish this session by mentioning that each dad is to read chapters 1 and 2 of Raising a Modern-Day Knight before next week’s meeting. They are to react to this reading by fi lling out the “Reading Refl ections” page.

Adventure 11 – Shaping Up as a Dad

t Enjoy some light refreshments and then open with some sharing questions like… “How did you do with your son in your fi rst Dad’s Challenge?”… “Where did you go?”… “What did you learn from your son?”… “What insights did you gain from reading the fi rst two chapters of Modern-Day Knight?”…“Who did the Armor Up devotionals? How is that experience going?”


t After watching the video and having your “Round Table Discussion,” clarify the “Dad’s Challenge” for the men. Make sure each dad understands it.

t Complete the “Dad’s Prayer” and then remind the men to read chapter 3 of Robert’s book. Also encourage the men again to try the “Armor Up” daily devotionals.

Adventure 111 – Dad’s Workout Program for His Son

t Have the guys begin by bragging on their sons from last week’s “Dad’s Challenge.” Have fun with this.

t Ask the men to share what they have learned from reading chapter 3 of Robert’s book and what they believe God has been teaching them from these fi rst two sessions or from the “Armor Up” devotionals.

t After the video make sure every dad understands the “Dad’s Workout Program” in detail. This is very important! Explain to them that this workout plan has the greatest success if a dad joins with one or two other dads in life for mutual accountability.

t After the “Round Table Discussion,” clarify the “Dad’s Challenge” for the men. Make sure each dad understands it.

t Remind the men before leaving that they need to read chapters 4, 5, and 6 of Robert’s book before the next session. These chapters are very important to understanding next week’s video.

Adventure 1V – A Son’s Defi ning Moment: The Call to Manhood

t Begin by having some of the men share the conversations they had with their sons about their own childhood and relationship with their dad.

t Continue this opening conversation by debriefi ng the chapters the dads read last week from Robert’s book (chapters 4, 5, and 6). Take some time here.

t Clarify the “Dad’s Challenge” for the men. Make sure they understand they do not have to fi nish their family crest on this assignment. They are only to have fun with their son introducing it. They can fi nish it later and display it in their home.

t Remind the dads before leaving that they need to read chapters 7, 8, 9, and 10 of Robert’s book. Again, these are very important chapters to read and critical to engaging next week’s video.

Adventure V – The Power of Ceremonies

t Begin by reviewing last week’s “Dad’s Challenge.” Have the men share what they learned about ceremonies from reading Robert’s book.

t After your “Round Table Discussion,” clarify the “Dad’s Challenge” for the men. This challenge is a ceremony you and the dads will do together with your sons! Therefore, as their


leader, you will need to spend some extra time with the dads planning this ceremony out. To help you, a sample “Dad’s Ceremony” has been provided below. Get every dad to agree on a time later in the week to do this important ceremony with your sons. Be creative. As the leader, make sure this ceremony gets done! This will require some extra time and effort, but it’s worth it!

t Before leaving, remind the men to complete Robert’s book by reading chapters 11 and 12. Chapter 11 is especially important to next week’s session.

Sample Dad’s CeremonyTo help you as a leader with the Dad’s Ceremony in

Adventure V, consider the following outline.

t Choose a Place That Feels special and Exciting—The dads on the video chose to do their ceremony outside, at night, around a fi re. You might choose an outdoor setting like this or one indoors using a darkened room lit with candles or a fi replace for ambiance. Whatever setting you choose, it should add a special feel to the ceremony not detract from it. It should feel mysterious, sacred, special!

t As the Leader, Set the Moment—Have the dads and sons meet you at your regular location. After everyone arrives, explain to the sons that you are there to celebrate a special moment together where the dads will make a public commitment concerning fatherhood that requires the sons’ presence. Don’t say much more. Let there be some mystery to what is about to take place. At this point, everyone needs to move into the “Ceremony Room” or get into cars and drive to where the ceremony will take place.

t As the Leader, Begin the Ceremony—After going to your ceremony location, circle the dads and sons together. Begin the ceremony by explaining to the sons what you and the other dads have been doing the past fi ve weeks to become strategic fathers. Then tell the sons that tonight, you all want to commit to God, and to them, your desire to be the kind of dad that can raise a son to be a modern-day knight.

At this point, you might bring out and hold up an “Excalibur sword”….the sons will love this!.... to illustrate two things:

1. That each dad is ready to commit to “fi ght the good fi ght” of helping his son become a modern-day knight. A son who:

Lives true to the King (God)Becomes an authentic man (to others)Advances the kingdom of God on earth


2. That each dad is ready to commit to “fi ght the good fi ght” of becoming a strategic dad. A dad who:

Lives true to the King (God)Becomes a life-giving dad (to his son)Advances the kingdom of God on earth

Excalibur swords can be purchased through a number of internet sites.

As the leader, you might also read some selected scriptures. Two good ones to read would be:

1. Ephesians 6:4 – “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

Tell the sons, that as dads, it’s your job before God to build confi dence into their lives through God’s wisdom and guidance rather than leaving them clueless, lost, and angry.

2. Colossians 3:21 – “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.”

Tell the sons that as dads, it’s your job before God to build a passion and vision for life into their hearts rather than leaving them frustrated, empty, and heartless.

Be as creative as you want to be with these opening comments.

t The Dads Speak—Each dad now speaks directly to his son. (Each dad needs to have prepared his thoughts in advance.) In this moment, he can share with his son…

• The new things he’s learned about being a strategic dad• Dreams he has for himself and his son• Things he wants to ask his son’s forgiveness for• Scripture to mark the moment, etc.

Each dad can fi nish this moment by telling his son what he admires in him, how proud he is of him, and that he loves him.

t Introducing Dad’s Pledge—After each father has spoken, you as the leader will take the sword, hold it up, and say that each dad wants to commit himself tonight to his son, his fellow dads, and to God to be a “Strategic Dad.” Each dad will be called out with his son into the middle of the circle, where he will make that commitment. At this point, you, as the leader, will call out the fi rst dad, then the second, etc. until every dad has had his turn.

t The Dad’s Pledge—When a dad is called out, he and his son will come into the middle of the circle where you will hand him the sword. He takes the sword and grips it, holding it up. His son places his hands over his dad’s. Then as each dad looks into the face of his son, you as the leader will ask him to repeat after you these words:


“I, ____________, before God, commit myself to raise you _________, to be a modern-day knight. I promise to love you, impart God’s wisdom to you, spend time with you, have fun with you, and be the strategic dad you need me to be. I promise to lead you, into the masculinity of the second Adam, Jesus Christ. So help me, God. Amen.”

t Conclusion – After each dad has made his pledge, you as the leader, step into the middle of the group, take the sword and lift it high above your head. Then call all the dads to draw up close to you and lift a hand towards the sword. Then lead the group in prayer as the sons watch. Pray that God would bless the commitments the dads have just made. Ask Him to help each of these dads be the best they can be. Thank God for the gift He has given each dad in his son. Then tell God that each dad would like to give back his son to Him as a man! Ask God to help each dad to do that, in Jesus name, Amen.

At the conclusion of the prayer, each dad will then go back to his son and give him a big hug, tell his son “I love you,” and then give him a gift to remind him of this special moment. (Each dad can give the same gift or an individual gift. Decide this in advance.)

This concludes the ceremony. Once it’s over, you as the leader, tell the sons you all are now going to leave and go have fun. It may be to a special meal together, or to some special activity (swimming, bowling, some game, etc.). The point is this: fi nish this ceremony with some celebration fun together!

Adventure V1 – Putting It All Together

t Begin by spending some time re-enjoying the terrifi c “Dad Commitment Ceremony” you all did with your sons last week.

t Now discuss the contents of chapter 11 in Robert’s book, Raising a Modern-Day Knight. Ask the dads if they could see themselves enlisting the help of one or two other fathers in raising their son. Does this sound like a radical concept?

t At this point, you need to show the dads the “Three Dads” video that is on your Leader’s Resources DVD. This video shows Robert Lewis and his two friends looking back after having raised their seven sons together and asking, “Was it worth it?” It lets the dads in your group see the real life value of long term strategic fatherhood.

t As a leader, be sensitive to the fact that in this fi nal session Robert gives a short gospel presentation at the end. When the video is fi nished, if you feel it’s appropriate, you might want to ask each dad if he’s made a decision to embrace Jesus Christ in faith for his life. Please note question one under “Your Round Table Discussion.”

t After praying the “Dad’s Prayer,” conclude this series by thanking the dads for their faithfulness and commitment. Strongly encourage the dads to do two things after they leave:


• To fi nd one or two dads to join with them in raising their sons following the” Dad’s Workout Program.” They may want to personally take these dads through this adventure series to bring them on board if they were not a part of this adventure series.

• To further their overall manhood development by using Robert Lewis’ Men’s Fraternity Resources. As a leader, you can point them to the Men’s Fraternity page in their training guide (p.144) or show them the video for Men’s Fraternity from the Leader’s Resources DVD.

Watching the ClockThis adventure series will vary in length from week to week, but you as a leader should watch to be sure that no meeting goes more than 90 minutes.

Aim to get through your preliminary debriefi ng and sharing at the start of each session in around 20 minutes.

The videos themselves take around 20-25 minutes.

Then fi gure on 30-35 minutes for reactions to the video and discussion of the challenges. That still leaves you with 10 minutes of fl ex time for special situations.

Let the dads in your group know they are committing to an hour and a half of time each week. Your leadership to stay within that time limit or even end early on some sessions will encourage them.

Concerning time, you will need to make a special note of Adventure V on “The Power of Ceremonies.” In this session you and the dads are asked to plan a “Dad’s Ceremony” with your sons later in the week. That said, it would not be wise to try and completely plan out this ceremony after conducting Adventure V together. The evening would simply go too long! Instead, as a leader, have a suggested outline of this ceremony ready before this session begins (See the sample ceremony we have provided for you.) Share it with the dads, and if everyone agrees, make assignments to be completed outside today’s session in order to execute this ceremony within the week. Of course, this will add some additional work and interaction to get ready, especially for you as a leader. But the more you and the dads put into this ceremony, the better and more memorable it will be. Remember this ceremony is for dads, not sons. The sons attend, but at this ceremony the dads are making a formal, public commitment to God before their sons to be a “Strategic Dad.”

The Dads This Video Training Series TargetsThough this training series can be used by any dad with a son at home, it works best for dads with sons ages 6-14 ! That’s because this series is proactive – getting young dads off to a good start with their sons – rather than reactive. The “Dad’s Challenges,” the long-range “Dad’s


Workout Program,” and the “Legacy Album” also fi t best with dads of younger sons. Again, any dad can participate. But it is dads, with sons ages 6-14, that are the target audience of this video training series.

We would also highly encourage churches that have children’s pastors to consider using this series as training for the young dads in their congregation. It can be used as an outreach for dads outside the church as well.

Questions You May Still Have as a LeaderThere may be additional questions you still have before inviting dads to join you on this exciting journey. If so, we invite you to open the Leader’s Resources DVD and watch the “Frequently Asked Questions in Leading This Series” segment we have provided. Hopefully the answers Robert gives will clear up any lingering questions you may have. Even if you don’t have questions at this point, it would still be a wise investment on your part as a leader to watch this helpful segment.

Final Leader’s Checklist to be Readyt I am thoroughly familiar with all the contents of the Leader’s Guide. Yes No

t I have watched all the presentations that have been provided for me on the Leader’s Resources DVD.

Yes No

t I have become thoroughly familiar with the RMDK Training Guide Workbook and its structure and understand the “Dad’s Challenges.”

Yes No

t I have looked over the Dad’s Commitment Ceremony in Adventure V and understand both the ceremony and the time it will take to implement it well.

Yes No

t I have previewed each of the six adventures that are on the video. Yes No

t I have read Robert Lewis’ book Raising A Modern-Day Knight in its entirety. Yes No

t I have looked over the”Legacy Album” and understand how dads are to use it. Yes No

It is advance preparation that makes a good leader. When you can say “yes” to all the above statements, you are ready to begin. May God reward your faithfulness in a mighty way!




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