By Stephen Stacey

sstacey700@gmail.com

THE VALUE OF MARRIAGE TO SOCIETY

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SO WHAT HAVE WE LEARNT FROM THE EXCELLENT PRESENTATIONS THIS

MORNING?

The marital-family is mankind’s primary school of love – the best place for love skills and respect for others to be learnt

Also a place where both men and women have the chance to learn more about love

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THE MARITAL-FAMILY, DESPITE IT’S MANY LIMITATIONS AND

CHALLENGES, ON AVERAGE, BRINGS ABOUT BEST OUTCOMES

For men, For women For the couple as a team working together For children and for society

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WE’VE LEARNT THAT THE BREAKDOWN OF THE MARITAL NORM IS TREMENDOUSLY

EXPENSIVE FOR SOCIETY - UNSUSTAINABLE USA – children born outside of marriage1930-2008

UK – children born outside of marriage1938-2012

USA – National debt 1940-2008

UK – National debt 1976-2014

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THERE IS ALSO THE WORLDWIDE IMPACT OF HIGH RATES OF DIVORCE AND SINGLE PARENTING IN USA AND EUROPE

Drug wars in Mexico, Columbia and other countries

Sexual tourism to fulfil the sexual needs of the single man / Thailand, Philippines, eastern Europe, etc

How many other countries would be dragged down the same path if India and China go the same route of becoming marriage weakening cultures

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WHAT CONCLUSIONS CAN WE DRAW? Firstly – research over the last 50 years points to the fact that we

are just like every other species on earth We have ONE, and only one, primary way to pass on well-being

onto each successive generation over the course of thousands of years – and that is the heterosexual marital-family.

Lions succeed through harems

Turtles have hundreds of

babies and hope 1 or 2 survive

It’s become their way of

sustaining their species

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OPPOSITE-SEX LIFE-LONG COMMITMENT – AS A MEANS TO RAISING CHILDREN - IS THE ONLY WAY HUMANS RECEIVE

NATURE’S SUSTAINABLE BLESSINGS. WE ARE IN GOOD COMPANY.

Emperor Penguins Swans Bald Eagle

Societies can take a certain amount of ‘other forms of family constellation’ – but when these other forms of family go over a certain percentage, the society goes into decline. This is why, at the turn of the 20th century, ALL major cultures were marriage

centred cultures

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SECONDLY, WE’VE LEARN THAT SOCIETIES GO INTO DECLINE WHEN THE MARITAL NORM COLLAPSES PRIMARILY BECAUSE THE CHILDREN

HAVE HIGHER CHANCES OF SUFFERING POORER OUTCOMES

Possibly poorer educational outcomes Possibly poorer behavioural outcomes Possibly poorer mental health outcomes Possibly poorer health outcomes Possibly poorer moral development Possibly poorer relational skills and respect for others Higher chances of being physically and sexually abused Possibly less support from the extended family Less desire to marry and higher chances of divorce due to a

lack of role modelling from their parents

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PUT SIMPLY – WHEN CHILDREN ARE RAISED WITHOUT THE LOVE AND SUPPORT OF THEIR TWO BIOLOGICAL PARENTS – THE FAMILY SYSTEM HAS A MUCH HIGHER

CHANCE OF ‘LINEAGE DECLINE’

Lineage decline might be defined as ‘A child, at the age of 18, despite all the incredible opportunities life now has to offer, has LESS potential to build a lasting marriage than his or her parents did at the age of 18.”

And when large numbers of families in a nation suffer lineage decline, then national decline sets in too.

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THIRDLY, WE’VE LEARNT, FROM A SOCIAL WELL-BEING PERSPECTIVE, THAT MARRIAGE IS PRIMARILY ABOUT BRINGING ABOUT BEST OUTCOMES FOR THE NEXT GENERATION. THIS BEING SO, THEN THE SOCIAL,

HISTORICAL DEFINITION OF MARRIAGE HAS BEEN: “Two opposite-sex adults taking full responsibility to fulfil

the RIGHT of their biological child to receive, on average, the best possible start in life.’

Marriage, in essence, is about aligning human beings with Mother Nature’s cycle of conception, birth, and children taking 20 years or so to grow up.

The fact that many people today use contraceptives or abortion to

have no children should not change the essential nature of

marriage.

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SO WHY, IF THE MARITAL-FAMILY BRINGS ABOUT SO MANY POSITIVE OUTCOMES – IS IT IN

TERMINAL DECLINE IN SO MANY NATIONS?

Because the marital-family has been under supported and even attacked by almost EVERY other social institution.

Attacked constantly by the media Unsupported and even weakened by politicians Unsupported by the education system And most religions still find it hard to develop educational

interventions that will better help the marriages of followers The rise of the use of contraceptives / creating an UNNATURAL

secondary culture of individualism and individual rights

No social institution can survive such a sustained attack and lack of support.

ALL social institutions have to reverse what they are doing – and help more

children grow up with their two biological, married parents in a

reasonably healthy, stable relationship.

This afternoon speakers will be sharing how politicians, religions, NGO’s, and the education system might do this.

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SINCE THE HETEROSEXUAL MARITAL-FAMILY OFFERS THE ONLY HOPE FOR A SUSTAINABLE FUTURE

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FINALLY – WHEN POLITICIANS CREATE NEW LAWS AROUND THE MARITAL-FAMILY – IT’S GOOD TO UNDERSTAND THAT THEY TYPICALLY WEAKEN IT

In many countries there is still a strong understanding of the traditional definition of marriage

“Two opposite-sex adults taking full responsibility to fulfil the RIGHT of their biological child to receive, on average, the best possible start in life.’

But in the 1970’s, politicians in many developed nations introduced ‘no-fault divorce’. This REDEFINED the social understanding of marriage to become:

Two opposite-sex adults SOMETIMES taking full responsibility to fulfil the right of their biological child to receive, on average, the best possible start in life.’

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NO-FAULT DIVORCE REDEFINED THE SOCIAL UNDERSTANDING OF MARRIAGE. The new law stated:

That a parent’s RIGHT to happiness is MORE important than a child’s RIGHT to the best start in life

That marriage is PRIMARILY about adults’ rights not about my responsibility as an adult

That parents shouldn’t have to go through difficult times in marriage.

That it is harmful for children to stay in a moderately struggling marriage

And with a weakening of children’s rights that no-fault divorce brought, not surprisingly, many societies have seen a rapid rise in children suffering poorer outcomes.

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MANY OTHER LAWS HAVE BEEN PASSED SINCE THEN THAT CONSISTENTLY WEAKEN THE SOCIAL UNDERSTANDING THAT

MARRIAGE IS PRIMARILY ABOUT CHILDREN’S RIGHT – SO MUCH SO SOME COUNTRIES HAVE NOW INTRODUCED SAME-SEX MARRIAGE

States have redefined the social understanding of marriage once again – so now it has become something like: ‘The right of any two adults to make a commitment to each other based on mutual, sexual attraction’.

In these countries, marriage is now only about adult’s rights not about the responsibility of adults.

Such a definition will absolutely bring about poorer outcomes for future generations of children

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IN THIS NEW DEFINITION Children lost the right to be raised in at all possible by their

two, biological parents Such a definition of marriage may suit same-sex and

heterosexual couples who don’t want or can’t have children – but it is wholly inadequate as a definition to guide and protect the heterosexual marital-family

Thus we expect to see – and do see in the statistics – an even more rapid decline in the marital-norm in these countries, with ever poorer outcomes for children and future societies.

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THIS BEING SO: POLITICIANS HAVE TO VERY CAREFUL WHEN CREATING LAWS AROUND

MARRIAGE AND FAMILY. The state needs to ensure that they do not weaken

the social understanding that marriage is primarily about the responsibility of parents towards children.

The state needs to be willing to spend money to help the married couple stay married so the children have, on average, the best outcomes possible. It is not in the state’s interest to ONLY offer financial support after the couple have divorced. A marriage coach that saves a marriage might cost $2000 – supporting a divorced mother with 3 children – might eventually cost the state well over $1000000

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SOME USEFUL LINKSSupport ongoing marital enrichment www.nermen.org for a range of research and resources. www.smartmarriages.com/app/Directory.BrowsePrograms

for a wide range of programs that are available to help couples www.bbhonline.org – bringing the baby home – marriage

strengthening for couples having a baby http://mft.byu.edu for best practice when it comes to creating

departments of Marriage and Family Therapy at University The Marriage Course – the most widely used UK based course

- www.relationshipcentral.org/marriage-course www.relationships.org.au The development of relationship

centres around Australia to help people with their relational needs

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RESEARCH AND GUIDANCE www.americanvalues.org/search/?c=1&a=1 for a multitude of articles

on the need to strengthen the marital-family A marshall plan for rebuilding marriages

www.heritage.org/Research/Reports/2011/06/A-Marshall-Plan-for-Marriage-Rebuilding-Our-Shattered-Homes

http://unitedfamilies.org/default.asp?contentID=18 for comprehensive database of research on the effects of marital breakdown

www.communitymarriagepolicy.org/ - Religions working together to strengthen marriages in their community

Why Marriage Matters: 30 Conclusions from the Social Sciences. http://www.americanvalues.org/catalog/pdfs/wmm3-30-conclusions.pdf

When Couples Part: Understanding the Consequences for adults and children. www.oneplusone.org.uk/content_item/when-couples-part-full-report/

The Value of Marriage to Society - http://vimeo.com/25021989

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EDUCATIONAL SUPPORT FOR BETTER MARRIAGES

Online College programs – e.g. www.bridgeport.edu/files/5513/7088/6633/SOC2020420DL220Walsh.pdf

Various character and relationship skills programs for schools - Freeteens - www.freeteensusa.org/FT_High_School.html - RQ relationship education -

http://lovesmarts.org/stories/curricintro_ls.htm - Character education - www.discoveringtherealme.org/ - Relationship programs for high school -

www.dibbleinstitute.org/