The SAG Awards

the average, the awful and the

appealing, in that order.

2016

The Average

Sofia Vergara

Sofia Vergara going full

Barbie. She looks fine . I’d

love to see her in

something that makes her

look less like a stereotypical

Latina bombshell, but on

the other hand, if it ain’t

broke, don’t fix it.

Jackie Cruz

I’m tempted to put

her in the “awful”

category, but it’s

already over capacity.

AS IS HER DRESS.

It’s clearly just cut

for a different-shaped

person.

Rachel McAdams

Some of the dresses in

this category are

actually quite lovely,

they just lack the wow

factor.

My complaint about

black lace over beige

lining is that it always

looks like a drab shade

of brown on the red

carpet. The silhouette is

just perfect, though.

Emilia Clarke

Another bright pink, and

while Emilia looks really

striking in this colour, it

seems like she’s wearing

a hooped petticoat

under this that ends at

her knees.

If I were her stylist, I

would have removed the

petticoat at the last

minute.

Julianna Margulies

Others seemed to like

this (I try to avoid

reading reviews before

writing my own, but you

know) but I’m

underwhelmed. The bib

over the bustier is

strange. She looks great

in white, though.

Anna Faris

Anna’s frock looks

better from the side. It

also looked different in

every picture I saw. I

liked some of them, and

disliked others. I think

the whole thing would

look better in a matte

crepe.

Alicia Vikander

I’m undecided on this one.

My initial reaction was

that it was too busy and

too old for Alicia. Like

something Jane Fonda

might wear. But on

second thought it fits

beautifully and it’s

interesting. So I don’t

know. Decide for me.

Julia Louis-Dreyus

The length is just very

awkward.

Queen Latifah

*yawn*

Jessica Pare I’m biased in favour of

Jessica Paré because

she has an amazing

face. So I’m inclined to

think this look is

pretty stunning in a

1950’s Vogue-cover

kind of way, despite

the ribcage-windows.

But I could be wrong.

So into the “average”

category she goes.

Kristen Wiig

Oh, Kristen. No, honey.

Saoirse Ronan

This is probably a case of

the right dress on the

wrong person. Saoirse -

whom I love because I just

saw her in ‘Brooklyn’

which was very sweet – is

too pale to carry off this

colour. Maybe if her hair

was out though?

Uzo Aduba

It looks like the designer

thought up the bottom

half of this frock first,

and wasn’t sure what to

do with the top. It needs

structure.

Nicole Kidman

Another frock that some

people liked? It certainly

could be worse, but I’m

sticking with my first

impression: Ill-fitting,

crooked, tinselly clown

costume.

Kate Winslet

There’s nothing wrong with

this, and I love the deep

green, but Kate almost

always goes for a figure-

hugging block colour in a

matte fabric these days. It’s

almost a formal shift dress. I

just feel decidedly “meh”

about her whole wardrobe.

Sarah Paulson

Feathers? Muppet pelts?

Maisie Williams

Definitely Muppet pelts.

Seriously though, this

looks really sweet. I just

can’t help thinking of

Cookie Monster.

The Redmaynes

I don’t love the design of

Hannah’s frock, which

reminds me of a rural

freeway. But she’s

pregnant and she looks

interesting, so she gets a

pass.

Viola Davis

I just think this is a

misstep for Viola. The

mauve shade does

nothing for her, and

while I love a good

origami-inspired bodice,

the skirt lets this down.

Ariel Winter

Ariel can’t help being

voluptuous, but I do

think the gown, and

the jet-black hair, are

too severe and too

old for a petite

18-year-old.

Carrie Brownstein

The frock is decidedly

average (would a belt

help?), but look at her

little shoes!

Sophie Turner

This looks like something

Scarlett O’Hara might

wear to a funeral. It’s

stunning, but maybe not

on this person at this

event.

Diane Lane

I have no criticisms

whatsoever. Diane looks

flawless. I only put her

in this category because

I’m not overwhelmed,

I’m just whelmed.

Amanda Peet

I feel like I need to

just take Amanda aside

and have a serious talk

with her.

This concept could have

been executed so much

better.

Joanne Froggatt

I’m just not into this at

all, but I don’t totally

know why. The colour is

great. I think the boho-

chic hair and the blingy

belt ruin it. It’s too

‘Renaissance Fair.’

Stephanie Drake

Stephanie’s frock is just

so ill-fitting. She looks

like a child in a too-long

party dress.

Ellie Kemper

I actually love this,

although I understand

why others don’t. The

olive green blobs do look

like something you’d find

in a petrie dish. But I

applaud people who take

risks with prints.

Christina Ricci

I looked at this a few

times because I thought

I was judging unfairly.

But after the fourth or

fifth look, I decided I

definitely don’t like it

and I shouldn’t have to

explain myself to

anyone.

Sarah Hyland

Cute.

Kathryn Hahn

Not really cute.

Giuliana Rancic

On the bright side, I’m

okay with the general

shape of this dress,

although I think it’s too

long. I don’t like the

viney things winding their

way up the dress. It

looks like a school craft

project. And her makeup

is way too heavy.

Julie Bowen

No complaints. Apparently

‘Modern Family’ isn’t

winning awards anymore,

so the stars are taking a

low-key approach on the

red carpet. It’s working out

quite well for Julie Bowen,

because she looks best

when she plays it safe.

Carice Van

Houten

I like this. It might be a

bit bridal, or even

mother-of-the-bride,

but I like seeing

outerwear at formal

events (WHY NOT?)

and I think she looks

chic. MAYBE the coat

should be a different

colour.

Molly Taylor

This really does look mother-of-the-

bride. It’s a lovely colour, though.

Demi Moore

I think Demi’s too old

for the top-knot, but

she looks pretty good

here considering she’s had

a rough few years.

Sunny Mabrey

This is actually pretty

lovely, but too casual for

the event. She needs a

chunky necklace, or a red

belt, or something.

I have no idea who she

is, so maybe it’s okay

that she looks slightly

underdressed.

Sibi Blazic

Sibi Blazic used to be

Winona Ryder’s assistant.

Who knew?

This is pretty. I do wish

it had a neutral lining,

not black.

Patricia Arquette

This does nothing for me.

It looks like two dresses

stitched together.

Sharon Lawrence

It’s fine.

Katie Lowes

I’m not digging the

horizontal strap thing. But

this would be okay if it

was a size larger.

The Awful

Diana Madison &

Kylie Hart

I don’t know who these

people are and I’m okay

with not knowing.

Melora Hardin

Everything from the hair to the

mullet dress to the shoes looks

cracked-out.

Our Lady J

From the chin up she

looks really nice. Every

other aspect of her

outfit is weird, both

separately and together.

This looks like a

Grammys outfit.

Sola Bamis

I just hate this, and it’s not solely

because of the oversized yellow bow.

It’s also because of the formal

turtleneck and the unnecessarily

asymmetrical front.

Lori Petty

Obviously this is hideous, but I’m

reluctant to critique someone who is

so obviously critiquing Hollywood.

Kaley Cuoco

Oh Kaley.

Laverne Cox

After she did so well at

the Globes!

Anna Chlumsky

Why does she look like

she’s angry with me.

Emily Robinson

A very dull beige prairie

dress on a girl young and

cute enough to look pretty

in spite of it.

The Sisters Mara

Rooney Mara obviously

came in costume as Rooney

Mara. Kate just looks like a

naked person tangled in a

fish net.

Insert tasteless

joke about “sag”

awards here.

Eva Longoria

Eva Longoria came as a

sexy lizard.

The OTT makeup offends

me almost as much as

the transparent strips

that broadcast her total

lack of underwear.

Mayim Bialik

Even for Mayim Bialik,

this is bad.

Gwendoline Christie

If someone gave me 6 yards of baby

blue satin fabric and asked me to make

a dress with it, this is what I’d come

up with. Not

because I think it’s

a nice dress, but

because I can’t use

a sewing machine.

January Jones

My reaction to January’s

dress was one of pure

undiluted mirth.

If someone gave me 6

yards of seafoam blue

chiffon fabric and challenged

me to make a dress with it

- without using scissors or

a sewing machine - this is

what I’d come up with.

I mean…is that a

BUSTLE??

Christina Hendricks

Uuugh, nooo! Why does

she keep letting Christian

Siriano make her these

monstrous taffeta gowns?

They’re so matronly! She

looks like she’s been

upholstered.

Susan Sarandon

& Eve Amurri

There was a lot of debate

about Susan Sarandon’s

cleavage. I’d like to point

out that that’s not the

issue. There’s cleavage,

and then there’s wearing

nothing but a bra under

your blazer.

Julianne Moore

Oh boy. Look, on the bright

side, I actually like her in this

colour. On the

not-so-bright

side, the frock is

just awful, and it

doesn’t look any

better from the

back.

Sarah Silverman

Awful, awful. I haaaate

dresses that contort

women into awkward

positions and make it

difficult to move

naturally. This one

seems lopsided and it

looks like she’s about

to spill out the top.

Brie Larson

Thigh slit? Check. Silver

ropes securing a mock

belt? Check. Twisted

neckline? Check . Diagonal

cleavage-window? Check .

Orange climbing lanyard?

Check. Platform shoes?

Check.

I can confirm that all the

elements of crazy are

present and correct.

The Appealing

Tina Fey

Tina Fey is wearing…wait

for it…a COLOUR. And she

looks amazing! The frock

itself isn’t necessarily

memorable, but she

herself looks beautiful, and

I like to encourage good

behaviour.

Karsen Liotta

It’s okay, this is Ray

Liotta’s daughter, not

his girlfriend.

The dress is nothing

extraordinary, but I just

think she looks pretty

and timeless. The

daughters of famous

people usually turn out

like Kate Hudson.

Naomi Watts

Naomi Watts, representing.

She always looks perfect,

and she knows what suits

her. The blue brings out

the colour of her eyes, and

I love the dark pink

lipstick.

Lily Rabe

I loved this. Others didn’t,

I gather. I just like seeing

things that are more ‘New

York Fashion Week’ than

‘Glitzy West Coast

Showbiz Event.’

It’s a classic silhouette and

the fit is perfect, so she

can afford to take a risk

with colour. I think it

paid off.

Laura Prepon

Admittedly, the dress

itself is nothing

extraordinary. But Laura

looks so ethereal here,

and the pale blush colour

looks so pretty with her

dark hair, that she’s

landing somewhere in my

top ten (ish).

Helen Mirren

Looking precisely as

awesome as usual.

Hannah Murray

Others hated this, but I

think it’s a really sweet,

effortless look for a young

starlet, especially with

her auburn hair. I admire

people who don’t look like

they’ve tried too hard to

impress.

Priyanka Chopra This was a contentious one,

too. Some people thought it

was bridesmaidy, and maybe

they’re right. But it looks so

Bollywood on Priyanka.

I just think

people with her

colouring can get

away with lolly-

pinks, especially

with that

amazing lipstick.

Annie Parisse Okay, this is kind of out of

left-field. Up close, it does

have weird clusters of

sequins in places, and maybe

it shouldn’t be in this

category.

But I love the autumn leaf

pattern and I just think the

dress is unusual and striking

and looks beautiful with her

colouring and I would

probably wear it, the end.

Marissa Tomei

This is one of my absolute

favourites of the night.

The colour is divine, it

drapes beautifully, and it

looks comfortable. It’s the

perfect counterpoint to

the corseted body-con

strapless fishtail

monstrosities that I hate.

Kiernan Shipka

I love this. It’s probably a

tie with Marissa Tomei

for my favourite look of

the evening. It’s hard to

gauge the colour/pattern

in this pic, but I just

thought it was a lovely

photo.

Close-up of the

fabric. I love the

plum background

with that pale

silvery blue colour.

I’d like cushions in

this . And wallpaper.