Seeking Seeking WholenessWholeness in in a a

FragmentedFragmented world world

Mass Bay DistrictSpring Conference

April 25, 2009Rev. Dr. Terasa Cooley

Context - Fragmented Context - Fragmented LivesLives

Feel forced to choose between work, family, congregation

One area of life doesn’t seem connected to others

Disconnected from families of origin, sense of place, foundational values

Increased choices leading to paralysis

Context - Fragmented Context - Fragmented CultureCulture

Isolation among “thought” groups

Political polarization

Identity divisions

Distance between “haves” and “have-nots”

Generational divisions

Context - Fragmented Context - Fragmented CongregationsCongregations

Uneasy peace among theologies

Don’t know how to openly address conflict and disagreement

Feel torn between serving those already with us and being open to growth

Unclear about ultimate mission and purpose

Leadership Leadership ChallengesChallenges

From Fiduciary to Strategic to Adaptive

Technical solutions no longer suffice

Transparent yet effective decision-making

“Responsive / Decisive / Inclusive”

Adaptive vs. TechnicalAdaptive vs. Technical

AdaptiveTechnical

•Clear Problem and Solution

•Protect from outside threats

•Restores Order

•Clear Authority

•Defined time frame

•Seeks right question•Both problem & solution require learning & experimentation•Shared leadership•Generates Disequalibrium & Challenges Values•Surfaces Conflict

Polarity ManagementPolarity Management

+ +

- -

• Individual Community

ChoiceFreedomCreativitySelf-actualization

NarcissismSelfishnessLack of cohesionLoneliness

ConnectionGrowthComplementaritySpectrum of skillsNew perspective

Group thinkHomogeneityCompromisePower imbalance

AssumptionsAssumptions

That adaptive behavior requires self-awareness

That we seek to overcome polarization

Addressing fragmentation is a spiritual effort

Answer to busyness is meaning-making

AssumptionsAssumptions

Being liberally religious requires great effort

Conflict among perspectives is healthy

The purpose of the church is to serve a mission, not to make people happy

Leadership demands the awareness of a larger vision

We Find Ourselves at We Find Ourselves at the Center:the Center:

I

WeThou

Who am I? What do I need? How am I responsible? What do I feel called to? What is innate in me? What are my patterns?

How do we stay connected? What can we ask of one another? How do we disagree?

Who or what do we serve? How do we place ourselves in

service of something larger?

We Find Ourselves at We Find Ourselves at the Center: the Center: Faith Theology

Spiritual PracticeLived Experience

SurroundingCulture

Family WorkCommunity

Tradition

Institution

The Enigma of the The Enigma of the SelfSelf

Is the “self” a figment of our imagination?

Are we a vehicle for genetic transportation

Nature vs. nurture

Overcoming “shoulds” and “oughts”

Csikszentmihalyi: “A trait of the transcendent self is the mastery of wisdom and spirituality”

The Self in BalanceThe Self in Balance

Gratitude

AccountabilityHumility

For what / whom am I thankful?

What do I need to let go of?

What do I need to claim?

ExerciseExercise

•Spend ten minutes utilizing your spiritual practice dwelling with these questions:

•For what / whom am I particularly grateful right now?

•What do I need to take responsibility for?

•What do I need to let go of?

•How do these questions comes together for you?

The Spiritual SelfThe Spiritual Self

Calling

Hope

Powerlessness

What gift can I offer the world?

What have I learned when I

realize I’m not in control of the

world?

What are your “convictions for

good”?

ExerciseExercise

• In pairs:

•What would you do if you could take six months and do whatever you desire?

•What is calling to you within this desire?

The Polarities of The Polarities of CommunityCommunity

Maintain Self ------------------------ Connect to Others

Allow Freedom ---------------------- Help One Another

Take Risks --------------------------- Maintain Safety

Sacrifice --------------------------------- Benefit

Comfort -------------------------------- Challenge

Stranger --------------------------------- Friend

Balance of Balance of CommunityCommunity

Growth

SacrificeEvolution

What do people gain in community that could never be found alone?

How do we learn to give up some of what we want for the good of

community?

Can we embrace the inevitable change that takes place within a

community?

ExerciseExercise

• In pairs, describe an experience you had within your congregation which helped you grow, even as you had to give something up?

Balance of Balance of CommunityCommunity

Self- Knowledge

Group AwarenessCovenant

What do I bring (expectations, assumptions)

to this experience?

What have we learned about ourselves as a community?

How do we want to be together as a community?

ExerciseExercise

• Within congregational groups: explore a time in congregational life when you felt this balance was achieved, or not achieved.

Moving toward “Thou”Moving toward “Thou”The purpose of our religious communities is to move us to something beyond ourselves

Each community has a particular calling, not about being all things to all people

Developing a relationship with “our neighbors” grows our calling

Vision grows out of being, doing, and then perhaps seeing

The Balance in “Thou”The Balance in “Thou”

Discernment

TransparencyMission

How do we know what to pay attention to?

Are we letting purpose come through us?What is the calling of

this congregation?

ExerciseExercise

• In pairs representing two congregations, explore a time that has been life-giving to your congregation.

Attending to “Thou”Attending to “Thou”

Making Sacred

Listening Values Centered

How do we get in touch with the sacred quality

of our work?

How do we create a space for telling our

stories?

What are the inherent values we want to

bring to life?

ExerciseExercise

• One congregational team: Tell the story of a time when your congregation faced a very complex set of decisions.

• What were the values you were trying to embody?

• How can we honor them?

Religious Community Religious Community can:can:

Help us understand ourselves more deeply: our loves and longings, our potential and our limitations, AND

Help us live in community: finding both affirmation and challenge through giving and receiving, AND

Help us understand ourselves as part of a larger whole in which we live and find our being.

The Purpose of The Purpose of Unitarian Unitarian

UniversalismUniversalism• At our best, Unitarian Universalist congregations provide a balance in seeking

• what is meaningful in the lives of individuals

• how we come together in healthy community

• to serve a larger purpose in our communities and in the world

ResourcesResourcesMargaret Benefiel, Soul at Work: Spiritual Leadership in Orgnanizations, Seabury Press, 2005.

Mark Lau Branson, Memories, Hopes, & Conversations: Appreciative Inquiry and Congregational Change, Alban, 2004.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, The Evolving Self, Harper Perennial, 1994.

Barry Johnson, Polarity Management, Human Resource Development Press, 1992.

Resources, cont’dResources, cont’dMarty Linski and Ron Heifetz, Leadership on the Line, Harvard Business School Press, 2002.

Gerald May, The Awakened Heart, Harper Collins, 1991.

Kathleen Norris, Amazing Grace, Riverhead Books, 1998.

Parker Palmer, A Hidden Wholeness, Jossey-Bass, 2004.

Charles M. Olsen, Transforming Church Boards into Communities of Spiritual Leaders, Alban Institute, 1995

Resources, cont’dResources, cont’dParker Palmer, A Company of Strangers, Crossroads, 1983.

Parker Palmer, Let Your Life Speak, Jossey-Bass, 2000.

Martyn Percy & Ian Markham, eds., Why Liberal Churches are Growing, T & T Clark, 2006.

Paul Rasor, Faith Without Certainty, Skinner House, 2005.