Pastoral Care for Self-EsteemTiffany Buchanan

Soul Physicians

YouTube - Can We Talk About Self Esteem?

Can We Talk About Self Esteem?

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

“Someone’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality.” ~Les Brown

“I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within. It is there all the time.”~Anna Freud

“It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not.” ~Author Unknown “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared

to what lies within us.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

“If you must love your neighbor as yourself, it is at least as fair to love yourself as your neighbor.” ~Nicholas de Chamfort

“The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.” ~Sonya Friedman

Historical Thoughts on Self Esteem

“Economic relational refugees suffer UNIVERSAL low self-esteem and despair” (Wimberly, p. 83).

Almost half the world — over three billion people — live on less than $2.50 a day.

Number of children in the world 2.2 billion Number in poverty 1 billion (every second child) (Shah, 2009)

National poverty data according to the U.S. Census (2008) by race:

African American 24.7% Asian American 10.6% European American 10.5% Latino American 21.2% Native American 25.3% Native Hawaiian 15.9% Other races22.0%

Why Self Esteem?

Wimberly explains that “relational refugees” are those of us who for one reason or another have found ourselves outside of nurturing and/or liberatory community relationships, this extends far beyond merely economics.

These loving and empowering relationships shape and direct our social identity and a healthy sense of self.

“Human beings need to be surrounded by people who have positive attitudes toward them, because such attitudes become the basis for one’s own positive self-image. People become selves by internalizing the attitudes of others” (Wimberly, p. 23).

Pastoral care, according to Wimberly, connects to all of this analysis because he views pastoral counseling as the primary step to reincorporate relational refugees back into a nurturing community.

Theoretical Assumptions

What is Self Esteem?To begin:

self concept: is a set of personal beliefs a person has about who they are as an individual.

This includes: salient personal

characteristics as well as ethnic or professional awareness and any other desires or future goals that resonate strongly with the individual.

Next:

self esteem: a realistic respect for or favorable impression of oneself; self-respect.

In order to have a healthy and balanced self concept, one needs to have a positive self esteem. Thus, one reinforces the other reflexively.

Adolescence DefinedAdolescence is a very demanding and difficult

time of accelerated development physically, socially, cognitively, emotionally, and sexually.

Not only is it a time of great development, but it is also the time when one begins to form his or her own identity.

Adolescence

Adolescent girls are saplings in a hurricane. They are young and vulnerable trees that the winds blow with immense strength.Developmentally, everything is changing!Distance between parents increases while distance

between peers decreasesMany mixed messages are presented to girls in this time

of identity formation.Be sexy but not sexual.Be independent but nice.Be smart but not so smart that you threaten boys.

False self-trainingGirls are being trained to be what the culture wants them to

be and not necessarily what they want to be

Saplings in a Hurricane

According to Self Esteem International (2010), research indicates that youth self-esteem is directly correlated with:

High or low academic achievementAlcohol and drug abuseCrime and violenceDepression and suicideEating DisordersToxic interpersonal relationshipsTeenage pregnancy

Research on Self-Esteem :

Pastoral Care is about leading others to freedom in Christ.

Luke 4:18 (NIV)

 18"The Spirit of the Lord is on me,       because he has anointed me

      to preach good news to the poor.    He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners

      and recovery of sight for the blind,    to release the oppressed,

19to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor!"

John 8:35-37 (NIV)35Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. 36So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. 37I know you are Abraham's descendants.

Hebrews 9:15 (NIV) 15For this reason Christ is the mediator of a new covenant, that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance—now that he has died as a ransom to set them free from the sins committed under the first covenant.

Galatians 5:1 (NIV)1It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

2 Corinthians 3:16-18 (NIV)16But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. 17Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 18And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

Care for the Hurting

Revelation KnowledgeIn the beginning, God created us in His image.

Genesis 1:26-27 (NIV) 26 Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground." 27 So God created man in his own image,        in the image of God he created him;        male and female he created them.

Freedom is realized when we know we are loved and; uniquely beautiful made in the image of our beloved Father. We are part of the royal Family of God (Wimberly, 2000).

Building Self Esteem

I AM loved.I AM free.I AM royal.

I AM healed.I AM triumphant.

I AM divine in nature.I AM abundantly blessed for the upliftment of

others.

Who Am I?

“I can’t.” (Philippians 4:13; Proverbs 23:7)

“My life isn’t significant.” (Psalm 8:5-8; Ephesians 2:10; Romans 12:4-5; Psalm 139:14)

“I don’t feel loved.” (1 John 4:8; John 16:27 amp; Romans 8:37; Colossians 3:12)

“I’m inferior.” (Ephesians 2:6; Mark 1:11; Deuteronomy 28:13; John 4:4; 1 Co 2:16; Co 4:6;

Romans 5:17)

“I’m not worthy.” (Deuteronomy 32:9-11; Proverbs 3:14, 22:1; Luke 12:7; 1 Peter 1:7, 3:4)

Conquering Our Thought Life

CenteringFocusing on their thoughts or feeling and learning

from their own internal reactions to their livesExample Handout for Centering Exercise

Ability to separate thinking from feelingThis is important and difficult as feelings are so

intense for adolescents.Making conscious choices

Encourage them to make slow and careful decisions on their own

Making and holding boundariesThis means that girls decide how to set limits about

their time, activities, and their friends; learning how to say “no”

Life Skills To Teach Adolescents

Defining relationships, not letting relationships define themDifficult because girls are socialized to let others do the

defining Important because it allows them to be their true selves

instead of who the world wants them to beManaging pain and their emotional reactions

Teach them to acknowledge their pain and teach them positive ways to cope with it

For example, journalingThe joys of altruism instead of self-focus

Encourage them to find ways to help others on a daily basis to help them become less self-focused

Life Skills To Teach Adolescents (cont.)

According to Switzer (2000):

LoyaltyToleranceCooperationComplementarity

Core of Healthy Relationships

The 5 W’s of Prayer Who should pray?

Anyone!What should we pray for?

Anything!When should we pray?

Anytime!Where should we pray?

Anywhere!Why should we pray?

Because God answers prayer! (James 5:16)

Prayer

http://www.sermons4kids.com/5Ws_of_prayer.htm

Prayer HandThumb: Pray for the

people closes to youPointer finger: Pray for

the people who point you to Jesus

Middle finger: Pray for those people who are in authority

Ring finger: Pray for those who are sick and who do not know Jesus

Pinky finger: Pray for yourself

When we extend our love to God, He pours back into us unconditional love.

Praise is an ATTITUDE of GRATITUDE

Love God, Love God in U then Love others with that grateful love.

Matthew 22:35-45 (NIV)35One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question:

  36"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" 37Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.‘ 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor AS yourself.' 40All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

Praise is Loving God

YouTube - Who Am I - Casting Crowns

Who R U?