Emotional Formation of the Leader

Seminarians ConferenceJuly 19th, 2011

Dr. Melody Palm

Four Pillars of AG MissionsWorship DiscipleshipEvangelismCompassion

Emotional FormationDiscipleshipWorshipCompassion

According to Reggie McNeal…The most important information you will need

as a leader is—self-understanding.Self-understanding is different than self-

preoccupation.Self-occupation shows up in leaders who use

others in order to achieve their own ambitions.

Self-understanding…Begins and ends with God.This takes time and reflectionEffective leaders are those who take time to

ponder what God is up to in their lives, who he created them to be, and how they were formed—Emotionally, Psychologically, and Spiritually.

Truth is…Ministry flows out of who you are as a

person.YOU are the tool He uses to accomplish His

plan.The gift of YOU empowered by the Holy

Spirit is a powerful combination in the Father’s hand.

The better you know yourself, the more effective you will be using the “tool” He entrusted to you—YOU.

Your own inner life is a critical factor in your effectiveness as a long-term leader in the Church.

In this time……we want to offer an opportunity to view the

critical nature of spiritual formation as a Pentecostal leader, whose effectiveness in Christ’s kingdom in connected to one’s personal and spiritual wholeness.

Holiness & Wholeness

Respecting Your Full HumanitySpiritual PhysicalSocialIntellectualEmotional

Emotional FormationFocuses on the development of the

personalityDevelopment of solid sense of selfIntra-psychic and interpersonal functioningEmotional EQ

Emotional Intelligence….The ability to control impulses, empathize

with others, form responsible interpersonal relationships, and develop intimate relationships

Defining Emotional HealthNaming recognizing, and managing our own

feelingsIdentifying with and having compassion for

othersInitiating and maintaining close and

meaningful relationshipsBreaking free from self-destructive patterns

Being aware of how our past impacts our present

Developing the capacity to express our thoughts feeling clearly, both verbally and nonverbally

Respecting and loving others without having to change them

Asking for what we need, want, or prefer clearly, directly and respectfully

Accurately self-assessing our strengths, limits, and weaknesses and freely sharing them with others

Learning the capacity to resolve conflict maturely and negotiate solutions that consider the perspectives of others

Distinguishing and appropriately expressing our sexuality and sexuality; and

Grieving well.

Healthy PersonalityRealistic View of Self and OthersAccepting Self and OthersLiving in the PresentHaving ValuesDeveloping One’s Abilities

Emotional health is not only about ourselves and our relationships; it impacts our image of God, our hearing of God’s voice, and our discernment of his will.

The practices of emotional health never lead us to a self-absorbed narcissism; they lead us to Christ.

Unhealthy emotional formation impairs our ability to experience and know God fully.

Top Ten Symptoms of Emotionally Unhealthy Spirituality

By Peter Scazzero

1. Using God to run from God2. Ignoring the emotions of anger, sadness,

and fear3. Dying to the wrong things4. Denying the past’s impact on the present5. Dividing our lives into “secular” and

“sacred” compartments

6. Doing for God instead of being with God7. Spiritualizing away conflict8. Covering over brokenness, weakness, and failure9. Living without limits10. Judging other people’s spiritual journey

Basic AssumptionsEvery leader suffers from some degree of

personal dysfunction from extremely mild to extremely acute.

All of us have some symptoms of emotionally unhealthy spirituality.

Unfortunately church history is replete with examples of individuals with some form of emotional or psychological brokenness as well as the devastation it brings to the person, their family, congregation, the church at large, and the presentation of the gospel.

Paradox in life of men who experienced failures:

1. Personal insecurities, 2. Feelings of inferiority and 3. Need for parental approval

Religious leadersNeed to be in controlHave it all togetherUnacceptable emotions and urges—anger

and sexuality

Many leaders are not aware of the dark side of their personalities and the personal dysfunctions that drive them.

Dr. Klaus “Charisma: The Dark Side of Pentecostal Leadership.”

Learning about our own dysfunctions can enable leaders to address those areas and prevent, or at least mitigate, the potential negative effects to their exercise of leadership.

According to Scazzero,“Very, very few people emerge out of their

families of origin emotionally whole or mature. In my early years of ministry, I believed the power of Christ could break any curse, so I barely gave any thought to how the home I’d left long ago might still be shaping me.” (Peter Scazzero 2006, p.12)

Pathways to Being Emotionally Healthy

Know Yourself That You May Know GodBecoming Your Authentic Self

Comprehend Where You Came FromBreaking the Power of the PastGoing Back in Order to Go Forward

Influence of Family of OriginUnderstanding Family of OriginDevelopmental Issues Life StagesAssessing Family System & HistoryPersonal Time line

Growing into an Emotionally Mature Adult

Practice Progressive Self-Knowledge

1. Acknowledge Your Dark Side2. Examine the Past3. Gather Knowledge about your Self4. Be Intentional about Change

Gathering KnowledgeUse of certain tools—personality &

temperament assessmentsCounseling Coaching

Use of specific disciplinesScripture ReadingPersonal Retreats

Privacy and solitudeHow to Conduct a Spiritual Life Retreat by

Norman ShawchuckDevotional ReadingJournalingCounseling/DiscipleshipNeed for regularly exposure to the

scrutinizing probe of the Holy Spirit

The Role of the Holy SpiritAsk for guidance and discernmentGift of the Holy Spirit brings spiritual

awareness

Ministries of The Holy SpiritConvictingRegeneratingSealingIndwellingFilling EmpoweringAssuringIlluminatingTeaching Praying

Spirit Led Emotional Formation

Is intricately connected to Spiritual Formation