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Where do we belanu? -a= For six years now,

Carnegie Centre has been supervised by the city Social Planning Department. That's the way Carnegie patrons, staff and the Carnegie Community Centre Association Board prefer it. Under Social Planning, we have become the most unique and successful community centre in Canada. As well, we have a direct line to City Hall. That's how we got the $700,000 for renovations.

But now the Carnegie Centre Review Panel recommends that we be switched to the Parks Board. Why? The Panel admits that most everybody in Carnegie wants' to stay with Social Planning, but it says the Parks Board would provide better "administrative support structures" to run the centre.

There are several good reasons to avoid the Parks Board :

It would be harder to keep programs free. We would have to go out and raise money from somewhere.

We would have to compete with more than 20 other Centres, like Point Grey and Kerrisdale, for funding for new programs.

Our street-wise staff, especially at info, security and CPA, could be squeezed out in favor of new employees with the "proper1' (professional ) credentials.

() The City would lose $210,000 per year, plus $1 million retroactive, in federal money for Carnegie if there is a switch.

The Parks Board is a recreation service. It is not equipped to deal with the social programs that Carnegie needs.

This question is crucial to the future of Carnegie and community. Almost 90% of residents live in

an environment or economic constr- iction and social hardship. Came- gie, under Social Planning, is a haven and an oasis and can't be- come a classroom experiment. :

FROM THE EDITOR'S DESK

Claude Richmond, Minister of Social Services and Housing, was the f i r s t Socred to ever accept an invitation to meet with residents of the Down- town Eastside. This report w i l l be from two points of view. I was a t +he rr\rl.-.nt + ~ r me,n+;nrr thn A q x r 'nnCnrn. G l i b 3LbUl lL.1 l ' 8L .L . C A L L 6 Cl*" "U, "".&"A"'

getting him i n and out, not t o l e t a repet i t ion of egg-throwing occur, no coffee (could be thrown), f i r e regulations on crowd size, the heat and the TV cameras, the purpose of the event...

Jim Green spoke well about the need t o "change Mr. Richmond's mind." M r . Richmond is an expert a t debate; he had charts, categories, budget figures; he gave a standard in t ro about being pleased t o come and DERA1s good work; he's a veteran of gett ing through hecklers' shouts and dissec- t ion of questions.

Each speaker introduced themself, made pol i t ica l statements, and a l - most invariably ended with a c a l l for Richmond to ju s t i f the cuts. Richmond would ignore __y;1 t e r ea l i ty of what the resu l t s would be and just re fer t o figures - t o "the hundreds of millions of dollars already being spent on social services i n t h i s Province.'"ppearances and the media were foremost - outrage, disgust, in- dividual hurt and collective "punish- ment", women having t o pros t i tu te themselves to survive. . . - seemed to change nothing i n Richmond's stance.

Richmond said that he wanted more of these "face-3.0-face" meetings -

the unvoiced premise being tha t we are amateurs and the government and. t he i r consultants a re seasoned pros. Like it or not, t h i s is the r ea l i ty that they play by. The rare instan- ces of a speaker sp i l l ing the i r guts a t the microphone and getting a sym- pathetic, human response from a pol i t ic ian can be ordered cut from the news. We have t o stop ourselves from puking our guts out when changes give 'them' more and 'us' l ess .

PAUL TAYLOR I I -

mom a persorr 11ui bi the z88tir;g \ tProper, see llTHE DANCE" - page 8 1

has entered a higher s t a t e of consciousness t o decide whether t o

Kaptain Kose, o r go for ' his Boss's job. .. $ Assistant Creator

READ WELL PEOPLE:

Now it is not a one candidate race fo r Pope of the Downtown Eastside, since my fa i thfu l followers begged me to run - so I said yes, okay, t h i s time.

I am going t o w i n the race fo r Papal tenure: My f i r s t fundraiser w i l l be a toga party a t Wreck Beach.

Captain Chaos

P.S. : Check your toga a t the cloak- room i f you f e e l overdressed.

I OBITUARY

Hello. I have a complaint and I say it here because others may have it too. Volunteers are not t o be picked on by people using Carnegi'e. If someone keeps bothering one of us and we get mad and t r y t o stop it, well you can only take so much.

My complaint is tha t when a s t a f f person hears the one bothering one of the volunteers, they don't l is- ten t o our s ide of the story.

I f the s t a f f is r ea l busy, they shouldn't just bar someone for trying t o stop someone from picking on them. Being the boss is one thing, but we're not children and shouldn't be treated l ike kids. I f you are too bossy, then you don't l i s t e n and understand.

I love Carnegie and I love working here and helping everybody. welcome- back Nancy J. a f t e r 6 weeks!

The next time someone picks on me, 1'11 t e l l a s t a f f person f i r s t -

L then i f nothing happens -. . . . COOKIE MONSTER

or 'Somebody said ...' The Director of Bead Research i n

New York said l a s t week tha t here is no t r u t h i n the story tha t the Native Chiefs sold Manhattan fo r a handful of junk. I t was gold coins - worth about $40 - and they didn ' t s e l l it, they just took the white man's present because it was the pol i te thing t o do.

Later i n 1846, some his tor ian wrote tha t it was a sa l e for a handful of beads and tha t was how America got s tar ted.

Mary Wong , also known as "Mum1' t o Downtown Eastsiders, died of cancer on Saturday, August 15.

Largely a t her own expense Mum operated M u m ' s Kitchen a t Cordova and Jackson, a place where area res- idents paid incredibly low prices for high quality coffee and food.

Internment a t Forest Lawn Ceme- tery took place on Friday, August 20.

Downtown Eastside residents w i l l cherish the memory of t h i s s a in t ly woman fo r many, many years.

PROGRAM A Life Ski l l s Course w i l l be of fer -

ed a t Carnegie t h i s f a l l . Beginning September 28, for 10 wks.,

10:30 - 12:30 Monday t o Friday, the course w i l l cover communication s k i l l s assertiveness training, problem sol - ving, s t r e s s management, goal se t t ing , decision making, health and nutr i t ion,

-t r & _ _ _ _ ---J ~-..-t:-,. bfidupi 0 - - - - - 0 7 i r iv - \y I I -t-\ L CUII ; ~ I L U U C ~ ~ L I I ~

with anger. There w i l l be a fee fo r t h i s course

which may be covered by M.S.S.H.@lHR), I f you are interested please contact Claude Mortimer i n the Learning Cen- t r e or Donald MacPherson i n the Pro- I gram Office a t the Carnegie Centre.

"PROGRESS IS WHAT TERMITES ENGAGE BEFORE YOUR HOUSE FALLS DOWN."

detox maybe? Sun, Aug. 26,

Armed with a report urging expansion of services for alcohol and drug abusers, Vancouver Mayor Gordon Campbell and city representatives were to meet Health Minister Peter Dueck todayto voice objection to the proposed closure of a downtown east side detoxification centre.

The meeting, scheduled for Vancouver's cabinet offices, comes after council gave unanimous apprbval Tuesday to a series of recommendations regarding an announcement by the healthministry to close the 22bed detox centre at 59 West Pender on Aug. 31.

"This was really sort of a bombshell that was just droppped on the city," Ald. Libby Davies said Tuesday. "I thing that's something that needs t9 be taken up with the minister, that here is a community resource that the community has depended upon, and all of a sudden it's gone and no one knows about it and everyone's scurrying around in a number of days trying to get something together." -

Dueck flip flop Health Minister Peter

Dueck flip-flopped yesterday on a decision to close the Pender Detox Centre on Aug. 31. After meeting Vancouver Mayor Gordon Campbell, Dueck agreed to keep the centre open for now, but couldn't say when a final decision will be made.

Province Aug. 27,

SAS UATCH COUNTRY e One of the best camping t r i p s I attended occurred on the 19th, 20th and 21st of June. Camp Bigfoot was so well hidden we had d i f f icu l ty i n finding it.

We combined the Scout and Cub camps and decided on a Sasquatch theme. To get t o the camp, we drove to the Sas- quatch Inn. Our f ina l destination - -- , " W ~ S ~ Y T W F C - ~ ~ 1 ~ > I - I J ~ y~~c-1 -%uxqqi 7

O---: -- - To begin with it was impossible t o

pump water from the well. The mosqui- toes almost a t e you al ive, but the beauty of the forest made it well worthwhile.

We found a lo s t dog a t the camp. She made herself r ight a t home with the boys and thoroughly enjoyed ea t - ing a l l the goodies we had with us. The dog had a Vancouver licence on her co l la r and we intended t o take it back with us when we returned. How- ever, the Scout leader went t o the corner s tore and saw a poster f i t t i n g Cleo's description.

There was a phone number t o ca l l .

The owner had thought she'd never see Cleo again and the pleasant news made her extremely happy. She sa id that she and her boyfriend would come and pick the dog up.

Apparently t h i s lady from Vancouver managed t o get a job looking a f t e r t r a i l horses near our camp. Three weeks before our camp there was a t e r r ib l e thunderstorm. Cleo had be-

" ,- ccze yep; trq$";tez& hid kid i-ill~ UII.

The day before Cleo was picked up, hiking up the t r a i l s with the boys. ,

'

They rea l ly missed the dog a f t e r she l e f t .

The remainder of the weekend, it rained a great deal so we completed a l o t of c ra f t s which the boys and leaders thoroughly enj oyed .

The Scouts spent valuable time learning s k i l l s t o prepare them for the Yukon-B.C. Scout Jamboree, held from August 8th to 15th. Every so often I need the wilderness tonic t o recharge my battery.

By IRENE SCHMIDT

"Oh! Mommy, Mommy: look! They s i t r ight on the water."

"Yes. They belong wherever they can go. I '

ttBut why do the birds sit on the water, Mommy?"

"Well, because the i r bones are hollow, so they are l igh t enough for the a i r t o play with, l i ke leaves when the wind blows, and because they have wings. Wings are the kind of legs you need t o play in the sky."

"Oh. Look, Look they're flying again. Bye birds. . . " 'Mommy?' ' "Yes, Angel.

IWhy is the sky blue?"

"I don't how. Maybe i t ' s because blue is the biggest colour."

"What ' s a f t e r the sky?"

"The sky never ends, angel. I t just goes on and on forever. " "What ' s forever ?"

"The longest time there is. Come on now, i t ' s time t o go."

"Let's s tay till forever."

"We can't angel, w e have to get home."

"How come?"

"Because I have t o get some extra work dolie for the off ice tonight."

"Oh." ' 'Mommy?"

"Yes, Angel?"

'Why are we poor?" - Steven Belkin

HEADLINES Tl-h-ATRE PRESENTS

"NO XYA" (Our Footprints1

to oDen in Kispiox

Fifty-four Gitksan and Wetlsuwet'en hereditary chiefs are suing the Pro- vincial and Federal governments i n the B.C. Supreme Court fo r recognition of the i r people's r ight t o ownership of the i r ancestral lands. The f i r s t

, s i x weeks of t r i a l took place i n Smithers, in Gitksan-Wet's'tiwet'en te r r i tory , during May and June. Chief Just ice Allan McEachern, presiding over the case, i n h i s good judgement decided afterwards that his comfort and the convenience of the Court were more important than the r ight of t r iba l elders t o witness the t r i a l within the i r own te r r i tory , and declared tha t the case would reconvene i n Vancouver rather than Smithers.

Another blow came from the Federal governemnt, which mysteriously with- held from the Tribal Council over a million dol lars of funding tha t was romised to help with the enormous -7 costs t e hereditary chiefs are facing i n the i r bat t le . (A million dollars is not a l o t compared t o the b i l l ions of dol lars of resources tha t have l e f t the Gitksan-Wet'suwetlen t e r r i to ry since s e t t l e r s f i r s t arrived.)

A t t he i r request the hereditary chiefs, through the Tribal Council, have now received a further postpone- ment n f the r a w . Headline5 Theatre was a l l ready t o open "NO 'XYA' (OUR FOOTPRINTS) i n Vancouver in conjunc- t ion with the reconvening of the court case. Now, with the case postphoned, the Provincial tour kick-off is in Kispiox, i n t r iba l te r r i tory .

The Chief Just ice won't be there, but Headlines w i l l . OUR FOOTPRINTS begin i n the land of the Gitksan and Wet suwet' en.. . . September 9,

For more information please contact: Valerie Dudoward, publicist 738-2283 i n Head1 ines ' Vancouver off ice

Marie Wilson or Herb George 842-6511 Gitksan-Wet ' suwet' en Tribal Council Off.

8 The Dance DERA meetings have always been

open t o as many people as could get into the Carnegie Theatre - but " f i re regulations" were used on Friday t o l i m i t the attendance.

DERA said they wanted a big crowd of local people. When I arrived a t 10 a.m., the crowd wasn't as large as I ' d expected and most of the faces were unfamiliar - people from somewhere. The cameras were rol l ing.

Later I heard that people had been dr i f t ing in since 9:30 and ~ ; " , ~ t , I;13ude pir_b-rgP.C;, , E ~ s i i n ~ a i %i f ---'.--- ----' would magically appear - as i f from nowhere - and be ushered i n the back door by, in my opinion, 'image con- scious soc ia l i s t s ' . The "Protect Claude Richmond Game" would begin.

DERA can help the image of the Downtown Eastside by toning down the reactions of members, but J i m Pattison was defending landlords' r ights t o throw people into the s t r ee t s for money and actually de- served the egg he got i n the fa=, believe it or not.

I can't swallow my pride 6 learn to speak l ike an intel l igent parrot about something ugly& tupidGridicu- lous - l ike raising welfare by $9 and then lowering it $7 ! This is some sor t of petty sadis t ic manip- ulation of peoples' l ives over pennies when nothing less than a hundred dollar increase is even worth talking about. . .but who needs (or wants) t o hear the truth? 'We don1 t want any more eggs toss-

ed," they say ... Richmond is safe and DERA looks concerned/reasonable. The objective seems to be t o get a good public image out t o suburban living rooms, but the funny thing is that the more concern there is about 'image', the less f a i t h i s

demonstrated in the r ea l goodness of the actual cause.

Maybe Richmond w i l l say ' th i s1 . . and DERA w i l l say ' t ha t1 . . but i t ' s a l l very predictable and well be- haved. What about the voice shout- ing from the back of the room? W i l l the Minister and h is govern- ment assume personal responsibil i ty for our anger and outrage?

A l l these people who are trying t o look good wind up looking bad as a resu l t - a t leas t t o me. Listen DERA: "Nice" is not looking good; "nice1' is doing the r ight thing, =d t c - ~ l i p ?lpl I I ! ~ ~ . I L ~ gil~if ig the Socreds nothing but r idicule and contempt. Why not open up and l e t it out?..those parts of the t ru th hidden i n the dark.

Well, DERA never did claim t o be radical anyway, and maybe tha t ' s why they do so much good social work, but they seem t o worry about the i r image too, too mch.

TORA

PRIVATIZATION of WELFARE! ? !

Along with its recent Welfare cuts, the Social Credit Government has made arrangements t o promote the services offered by ''The Hewitt Group1', an 'Employment Consulting Agency" . A brochure advertising the services of t h i s private com- pany has been included i n each Aug- ust 26 welfare payment - from which 7 (seven) dol lars has been cut.

"there must be a stance of life which seeks not simply to muster power against the misdeeds of society, but to transform the very. I

sense men have of reality."

Theodore Rosaak t h e rna1:i.n~ o f a c o u n t e r - c u l t u r e ,

TAKE TIME FOR 10 THINGS

1. Take time to Work - it is the price of success.

2. Take time t o Think - it is the source of power.

3. Take time to Play - it is the secret of youth.

4. Take time t o Read - it is the foundation of knowledge.

5. Take time to Worship - it is the highway of reverence and washes the dust of earth from our eyes.

6. Take time to Help and Enjoy Friends - it is the source of happiness.

7. Take time t o Love - it is the sacrament of l i f e .

8. Take time t o Dream - it hitches the soul to the s t a r s .

9. Take time to Laugh - it is the singing that helps with l i f e ' s load.

10. Take t o Plan - it is the secret of being able to have time to take time fo r the f i r s t nine things.

- - I\+ nnr\ --*-- - --- - - S'. -

A L L WALL ~ U L Z i f i ?i~ile, a person wheeled a ca r t across the 2nd f l . Six creamers dropped but weren't noticed. Next came a s ta f f person who walked r ight over them. How amazing that within 5 minutes, 15 people walk over them . Finally, the 17th person, who had passed them a couple of minutes before, bent down and picked them up... but only kicking two and not real- izing what they were doing there.

How I wish I could bend. Oh-oh, #17 has found the l a s t two. Moral of the story: Keeping your fee t in the clouds or your head on the ground makes you a sad joker. BM

. .

What t h i s story is about, is my l i f e and how I ended up doing a l i f e sen- tence fo r murder. I intend t o show the reader how a cruel upbringing can lead t o prison. I am very fortunate t o be al ive to write t h i s and t o look forward t o my now and t o the future.

From the ea r l i e s t point of my memory, I cannot remember being hugged and kissed by my parents. In fac t , I cannot remember them hugging and kissing each other.

What I do remember goes something l ike t h i s ... There wasn't much laughter i n the places we lived; they never could have

been called homes. Most of the time the man of the house who was supposed to be the father and the woman who should have been mother were yelling or throwing things. Of course there was the occasional spanking with the be l t t h a t h i t anywhere from ankles t o ampi ts . .

Even that wouldn't have been constant pain, however they had the help of my uncles who enjoyed molesting me. I remember a few select incidents where, a t the age of five, I was threatened with a r i f l e by one uncle. This so r t of thing was not regular; usually it was only physical force and f a i r l y regular un t i l the age of twelve.

Usually my 'special uncles' would l i v e with us and my loving parents never noticed these strange changes. I remember walking into a bedroom once and remember seeing two of my mother's friends engaged i n a homosexual play of sor t s involving knives. I was only a child though, so what did it matter that a l l these things were seen and experienced by me.

I can actually remember trembling a t the sound of my father 's voice or my mother's whining. From a very young age, I thought that these things went on a l l over the world. Of course when people were in public they were d i f - ferent, but a t home they a l l argued and fought. People didn't hug or kiss each other unless it was a homosexual act .

Around the age of eight I s to l e from one of my ~mcles and nothing was said. Silver dollars were pret ty t o me a s I never had money, or candy bars. That year I s tar ted lying a l o t t o get away from the be l t and became good a t it. I also broke windows and things l ike tha t and managed to l i e my way out often.

Because I changed schools a t leas t once per year, I never made any friends; most kids"arents kept them away because we were very poor.

When someone muld show friendship or caring for me, I would s t ea l from them or hurt them emotionally. I t is sad how children copy the i r experience. My grades i n school were always terr ible . I was always the slow kid,

never doing homework, but no one seemed t o want to help with the problems. I didn' t understand. No one thought it important enough t o s i t down and just t a lk to me. Just going outside and play; or it was bedtime or to bed without your supper or kneel in the corner and of course the arguments that ended up with me getting the belt . These arguments seemed to center around me, so I was the i r problem - the source of the i r unhappiness.

In fact , l a t e r on I used t o wonder i f everyone became happy when I went to school or wasn't around. And when I got off the school bus, I would won-

11 der i f the other children talked about me. I didn ' t have nice clothes o r a . decent lunch and no one wanted t o come t o my house ... of course I was very ashamed i f they ever did, especially i f arguments occured.

There were only s i x children when I was a chi ld i n the 50's and ear ly 601s, so $100 .OO a month tha t my father earned off the welfare wasn't too comfort- ing. The $100 didn ' t come u n t i l the l a t e 50's. More children came l a t e r but I had l e f t home when the number reached nine. (Later - t o eleven.)

A t the age of sixteen with l e s s than a grade eight education, I decided t o get away from t h i s turmoil. I had l e f t a t f i f t e e n but was brought back. Oh, I forgot tha t from the age of 10 on, I went t o church because my mother in - s is ted. When I would question the rel igion o r why her actions were d i f f e r - ent from church, she would get angry. By t h i s time I was convinced tha t everyone was lying and trying t o hurt me.

A t 16 I thought tha t i f I went t o the c i t y things would get bet ter . I thought tha t I could make a good l iving and tha t was about a l l the thought I gave t o the matter.

I found something very different . I was even more alone and frightened. My f i r s t conf l ic t with society occured when an older companion and I

broke into one of my uncles' houses and vandalized it. No one understood or asked the 'why's'; I was an outcast. To the authori t ies , I was a bad k i d . No one understood, including myself, t ha t I was hurting him back for a l l the times he had hurt me.

Somehow I interpreted t h i s a r r e s t as the law's defending him. I was not able t o seperate my hurt from the r e a l i t i e s of the s i tuat ion.

I was t o t a l l y unequipped t o f i t into the work-a-day world. I found that I was confused and t o t a l l y unable t o communicate with people. From my point of view, I was an intruder. I didn't belong no matter where I went. I Co~lnd also tha t I couldn't cope with bosses. I f e l t threatened by them and was constantly running from authority of any kind.

Within a few months of my f i r s t a r r e s t , I was arrested again. This time it was fo r car thef t . For t h i s offence I received a sentence of s i x months ;laC;n;fn qnrl +h-rnn mfin+hr ;nrl,-,C:-:+,-, \Ar --n+-l -+-+A vr-- -n+ rLnrlrn- l ..-+4 1 ~ - A - A & C I - UILU CIIIL\-.L IIIVILLIW ULULIULLLG. I'I~Y IILLILLQL JLQLG YVQJ IIUL LILGLI\LU C L L I L L I

close t o the end of t h i s sentence. I talked t o a psychologist and t r i e d explaining t o him how I f e l t ; apparently he wasn't alarmed, as a l l he want- ed t o do was t a l k about h is favourite f ishing hole.

I had never been fishing o r done much of anything e l se so I l istened without much in teres t . The interview must have gone a s it was supposed to '

as I was granted a parole which I completed, but with a few months passing, I was back for another three months. In the period between, I got drunk with older fellows but never seemed t o f i t i n fo r some strange reason. I t was a t t h i s time tha t I began t o be very d is t rus t ing of men who were larger than myself and I was very suspicious of older men. In fac t , I was very af ra id of these people and resented them; I f e l t t ha t they were a l l homosex- uals against whom I was defenseless, especially i f I was alone with them. This became a r ea l handicap i n my l i f e f o r many years t o come. I was so frightened a t times tha t I would l i t e r a l l y tremble a t times. In f ac t it was t h i s kind of fear tha t was responsible for my k i l l i ng another man.

Back on the s t r e e t again, I went back t o hanging around s t r e e t corners,

12 sleeping in parked cars or hotel stairwells. Once i n awhile, I would be lucky enough to sleep i n run down apartments of people who were close t o the same situation. My thinking was distorted; so much so that I never even considered working. I would l i t e r a l l y go without eating for days un t i l some- one f e l t sorry for me and bought me a meal. This was a t the age of 18 when I seldom washed or bathed and didn't even have a change of clothes. In f ac t , when the ones I had became unwearable I would s tea l some from a clothesline, but only enough t o wear. In summer months I a te bet ter as there were gardens t o raid.

A t th is point i n time, I met a group of outlaws who wanted t o form a motor- cycle club. In a way they adopted me and although I s t i l l l ived shabbily, 1 always had a place t o sleep i n a club house and they made I a t e a t l eas t once a day . . on most days, t ha t is.

I was rather frightened of the i r crazy antics which were, a t times, insane. bly rear, fed by the fac t that I sor t of f i t in, made it easy fo r me to ac t

L-. T I - y I I I \i 9l.i rrl c:?rry-fig ~ ~ - ~ I J . T P S nri_ f i g h ~ k g >~",E!I? I b:BS cE!~tBi?,

or knew I would have help. This lasted for a short while and I eventually turned myself i n t o the police for an outstanding charge of car thef t . Once again I f e l t secure and did most of my 15 months sentence. A t t h i s point, I I L ~ ~ S interviewed by a pr ies t ; he turned out t o be homosexual who would support yo~ulg prisoners coming t o h is halfway house i n return for sexual relation- ships upon release. I

Once accepted and exposed t o t h i s for a few weeks, I jumped my parole and fled back to the area that I was most familiar with.

D' - '11x f i r s t place I went was t o my parents. My mother s ta ted tha t i f I went

there to l ive she would leave. So I ended up living i n a shabby hotel room with one of my homosexual uncles. I was s t i l l unable to function properly and to understand that I should educate myself. Life was very lonely and 1 f e l t that I didn't belong anywhere.

I t was a t t h i s time tha t I was introduced t o my f i r s t wife by a dis tant coils in who wanted t o be shed of her. Being broke and very lonely made my lieed for her greater. I liked her as a person, and i n i t i a l l y we did enjoy ti~nes together. She was compassionate towards my situation. Between her and .her brothers and s i s t e r s , I was invited t o board a t t he i r home. They accepted me as I was and said that I could s tay rent-free u n t i l finding a job.

I grew very close t o t h i s family and enjoyed doing odd jobs around the house for the i r mother. They rea l ly gave me a break, however my s t a t e of 111ind brought me into confl ic t with theii: kindness.

I realize now that i n the past I stopped people from getting close t o me, expecting t o be hurt. And i f I wasn't by others, I would do it t o myself hy chasing- peqple who cared away. This is common behaviour for most people of' similar backgrounds t o mine.

I went from job to job and was under a doctoits care for depression. I just couldn't adjust.

We were married not because she wanted to but because I persisted. Things went bad quickly. I had been into sof t drugs as an escape, however they did nothing t o help me adjust emotionally. Unable to keep a job and not rea l ly caring, 1 turned t o ways I learned i n childhood - the ways of my parents -

1

arguing and beating V wife for no reason. I then s ta r ted using needles. 13 prior t o th i s , I was i n a psychiatric ward of a hospital, t o help me recover from depression. This was t o serve no purpose. I wasn't treated because I was not able t o pay for therapy. A t t h i s time I separated from my wife and went s t r i c t l y into drug dependency. I seldom a te and did as much speed as I could get my hands on; it was my misfortune t o be liked by a l l the dealers so I could as much f ree as I wanted. They would even l e t me stay a t the i r apartments o r homes so money meant nothing. I spent many years l ike th i s , but during t h i s time I always f e l t alone even with others where I lived.

I returned t o my wife again, briefly. I t r i e d t o get help as I was l i t e r - a l l y mad. I hallucinated constantly. I was so frightened of everything and everyone tha t I would have f i t s of violent outbursts; as i f t o scare off an attacking enemy. A t t h i s time my wife l e f t me as she could take no more abuse and I am certain that she was frightened for our child. Looking back I am sad fo r the amount of pain that I am sure that I caused . . she stayed thr0Wh.a great deal. Thinns l i k e my running around on her, beating her, crying and sleeping with a gun under the pillow were common occurrences. There were even times when I sought out homosexuals as frightened as I was of them, and then to ld her about it.

Death was ever present i n my mind. I had constant ba t t les within myself; so afraid of being punished by God and being tortured by Satan.

I spent day a f t e r day alone, seeing devils appear a t my windows, f r ight- ! ened t o the point tha t I would pray for help or , a t times, I would challenge

them. My i l lus ion intensified and I thought that the whole world was par t 1 of t h i s satanic force tha t was out t o destroy me.

Feelings of helplessness made me want t o be powerful. I t r i ed to s e l l my soul for a million dollars and power plus eternal l i f e . Several times I searched garbage cans i n alleys fo r the money. Everything was so distorted that these dis tor t ions became rea l i ty .

I constantly heard voices o r saw images f lash by me or hide behind things. A s time progressed I used more and m r e drugs; mostly speed. Of course

I would not turn anything down and did hallucinogenics also. On the average T , r r n r l +,. a,. +t.:- A-.-- I ,,, LV L1113 UI Ug 5 G~ 4 tine< clay, >v~!!eihes ZTP, 216 iq v e y r J larnn 6'

dosages. One day, when one of the people with whom I had been doing drugs with got

blood poisoning, we could not get money for a prescription. After being turned down by someone we knew, I beat the guy badly, fracturing h is skul l and several r ibs . A t t h i s point I thought I had be t te r leave town fo r awh- i l e as he had some mean friends.

I l e f t town and s tar ted west without any money whatsoever. Within a couple of days I was nearing 1500 miles away. I s ta r ted to panic

and was frightened of everyone. The voices and images got worse so I decided t o go back t o my own town. Un-

able t o get rides for a great distance, I s to l e a car and was stopped and arrested about 90 miles from there. I received two years for the the f t and a f t e r nine months, I was out d- back into the same scene.

My mental s t a t e got worse and I became more aggressive. I hiked fo r 3,000 miles with no money a t a l l , l iving off meals from truck drivers. When i n t h i s place, I hung around a drug infested area for a month not actually being

attached t o anyone , delivering handbills occasionally and eating a t the salvation army once a day. Then one morning for no reason I just headed back. I hadn't committed any crime except using drugs and staying that way for awhile. My loneliness a te a t me but I just couldn't be with anyone. I was not attracted t o anyone and no one seemed to notice me.

On the s t reets again, I started dealing small quantities of drugs and again f i t into something. I then became very violent, looking for fights and hurting people. Guns seemed to make me important; my belief i n satan and even that I was satan became more real . I now f e l t that it was crucial to k i l l someone because my fai lure to do so would mean my own death. My violent acts got worse as I started beating people badly.

The day f inally came when I met someone and I chose him for more than one reason. Fi rs t I was very broke and he asked me to s e l l him a quantity of drugs that I didn't have. Along with th i s I f e l t that it was time for me to k i l l someone or my own death was next. The world seemed to be pushing me i ~ l o a Coiiiei-; t r-yifig i_n destrny ze.

When I go the person alone I shot him and went home. I spent the money on Christmas presents for my younger brothers and s is ters . Actually it wasn't a large amount of money but I thought it was a fortune a t the time. I didn' t even consider being arrested or caught although many people were aware that I did it. Even a t the time of my arrest I thought that the satanic powers would protect meand I was, or f e l t , total ly unafraid. Even af ter my sentence of l i f e it did not bother me.

I t took about a year for it t o sink in and by th is time I was in a maximum security prison. I was neglecting a l l forms of authority a t that time. I wouldn't bend t o the prison or to the prisoners. I wasn' t liked by anyone; as a matter of fact , some of the prisoners were quite outspoken about their hate for me as I wouldn't be part of the cliques or go along with them. I was very frightened but I s t i l l wouldn't have any part of it. Why I don't know, but it may have been self-destruction.

My fear grew and an attempt was to k i l l me or a t least wound me. I didn't get hurt badly but I became very afraid - so the world seemed t o have won its quest t o destroy me. Believe me, there is no pain, physical or other- wise, that can bend or hurt a person l ike th is . I f e l t that I mst k i l l myself to get r i d of the unbearable fear, so I slashed my wrists several times and waited to bleed to death. The blood gushed out for awhile and a guard making his rounds discovered me - not that I t r ied to conceal it. I was taken to the hospital and then t o the hole for the night. In the morning I decided not to return to the population and asked to be put i n segregation.

I s t i l l f e l t alone but a l o t safer. I cried myself to sleep many nights and f e l t sorry for myself and for the person I'd killed. I decided that i f I was going t o l ive, my l i f e must change . . my mind needed t o be educated and to mature. I sought help from psychologists who taught me f i r s t to r e l a . I decided t o s t a r t being honest with myself and up front with others. This took a great deal of work, especially facing myself.

Then a t the insistence of a classification officer, I took courespondence courses. I only had a grade eight education and f e l t very stupid a t f i r s t .

In fac t , I f e l t tha t t h i s course would be a failure..another on my l is t . To my surprise my f i r s t mark was very good and so were a l l that followed.

I s ta r ted t o f ee l be t te r about myself. I spent many hours, months and years contemplating l i f e ... thinking of the importance of myself and others, real- izing that we a re a l l equal, some with more problems than others as a resul t of the i r environment or happenihgs i n the i r l ives . I completed my high schooling and my trade as well.

I have become an individual now with self-respect and the respect 01 others. I have manv times f e l t grief because of my crime and the crime I

I havc to rne ,

a fami 1 y ing . To

i n do ing

suffered leading t& it. I am suEe tha t my remors; w i l l pass. That gained so much understanding and inner peace because of t h i s i s sad as the pr ice was not, nor could ever be, worth it.

For the f i r s t time ever, I know what love and sharing is. I have that has become my l i f e - My wife and my son have given my l i f e mean share everything with them is my only desire, besides being certain so tha t they are hamv and comfortable.

In I wishLib leave you with something t o think about. I am s u w that you w i l l ac t accordingly. I think that we have a responsibility t o 0111.

children t o make sure that they do not end up i n any part of my story. just taking an interest i n our young children, by spending a few dollars less on armaments or the resulting end of neglect, and applying it i n our grade schools; t o search out children who have problems before they bccomc. the problems - and care for them - instead a f t e r - - - - - they have ki l led or been

+ killed. By educating parents on how not t o neglect children and to watch abuse o f

children. I think that i f we become tha t responsible our society w i l l be- come a welcome place t o l i ve and our j a i l s eventually w i l l be empty. Thi s is the goal; not for them t o continue as multi-million dollar businesses, causing pa r t i a l acceptance of the sickness of crime instead of curing i t .

Thank you.

WKTER far LIFE

A gorgeous day i n the Park, birds and people and dogs and speakers.. as many as seven l ive bands t o sing and play. .delicious salmon and po- tatoes, even watermelon and ice- cream cones!

A s a video, the scene would be very at t ract ive but of course a dubbed sound track would be needed to eliminate what was said. Seems that the elimination of the a t - grade crossing a t the foot of Col- umbia S t . added t o the number of participants i n the annual Water ror Life Festival who didn't come. Ihat 's right, did not. Part of a day in the park is being able t o scoot to a s tore for a so f t drink or a t reat . . . but as Don Larson and Geoff McMurty and Sue Harris said, the access is s t i l l being fought for. The people were there t o just have a good time nevertheless, so

. the following was penned. . .

FRCM WATER DOES ALL LIFE BEGIN

A more precious substance would be impossible to name without re- ferring t o sp i r i tua l i ty . To obtain psycho-spiritual parallelism the kulakundalinii is awakened by need; the need for consciousness of the Infinite.

Water for Life - i n the beginning purity is axiomatic, but the evolu- t ion of consciousness is sul l ied by accoutrements of humans' pnisnns. Fiow, -cne permanence of change - Water is r ea l i ty i n its essence.

Entropy is the natural dissolu- t ion of systems into chaos. How '

apropos that Water for Life is the theme - in perpetuity - t o cele- brate CRAB Park being - just being.

Spir i tual evolution i s what every- body, and I mean ever bod hangs around on Earth &:hanges here can be understood, but only i f we don't ignore the sp i r i tua l cripples and the i r sewage angst - pollution, greed, master/slaves ...

The Volunteers, capi tal 'V ' : musicians, poets, cooks 6 bot t le washers..even philosophers; givers a l l because they're Not bought and paid for. Moral - money, looks, ta lent , fame, position and i n t e l l i - gence aren't everything!

Water is the Creator's Key t o the secret of l i f e - nothing ignored, the lowest washed f i r s t and nurtur- ed to enhance f e r t i l i t y and the weak grow strong. The g i f t is the blessing of the

giver. From water does a l l l i f e begin.

BY PAUL TAYLOR

/

S T E V E N S

w i t h t e n d e r d e v o t i o n

your l i p s have k i s s e d

t h e ' b u t t e r f l y f s wings

F a l l

F a l l dons i t s c o l o u r e d c l o a k With b e a u t y r a d i a n t b e f o r e t h e s torm. A l l c r e a t u r e s heed t h e message, Slowly withdraw w i t h i n t h e i r s o u l s , Sea rch d e e p l y f o r t h e i r wor th And dream o f t h i n g s t o come.

??Y- . .,' ..-\-. fi ,as;* A Clanf s man lament V

p~.',- - , ? How do I long for thee me beloved. Thee tha t hast y i t l e f t thy wight's influence, t o t t y as be yer not y i t fo rg i t , l e s t yer be groggy with the engorgement of t o t t y things.

Come back to me lass ie , for without thee I am l e s s 3tty pup's yelp i n a muttonls eye. ldsword to defend thv honour- ~-

chari .smutic o l d w i t c k d o c t b r s

appear on ba lconys

i t ] t h e wor lds c a p i t a l s

! L I . , ._ : - - - - I I - W I A i J :> . .

i n b l u e s u i t s I(c s u n ~ q l a s s e s

~ ~ y i n p - t h a t they HOPE

they do not have t o U S F

t h c i r t e r r a i b l c weapons

they disappear i n s i d e

d i r e c t.or:: i n the sky

tc t h e pope s l i p s p o i s o n

t o h i s r i v a l

ik the p r i m e minister

buys o f f t h e s e x queen

% t h e p remie r p l a y s his a c e

2: t h e C I A s o r t s o u t t a r g e t s

% t h e mayor r u b b e r s tamps r e a l e s t a t e

B ,jesus demaridn you a c c e p t

t h e edd o f t h e world

1 eadint; t o h i s r c su r rec t , ed

k in~~dorn o f c a p i t a l i s t success

t h a L neve ra happen:;

+-

reprinted from THE RIVERVIEW REPORTER

My opinion of institutionaliz,a- t ion is tha t each patient who be- comes insti tutionalized suffers from dehumanization and is deper- sonalized t o the level of a thing (non- human) .

With the type of treatment that the patient receives in an ins t i tu - t ion, t o c a l l it civi l ized and humane is absurd, facetious and m i s - guided. The patient is told every- thing during his/her waking hours by the s t a f f ; it is as i f the pat- ient has no mind or individuality and is being programmed l i k e a robot o t computer. Any individuality shown amongst all th i s conformity and rMimentation i s punished sev-

- erely. For a patient t o s tay the i r own person is a miracle.

How can any patient f ight t h i s depersonalization and dehumaniza- t ion from happening? In the dai ly routine, ins t i tu t ion grind wears a person down i n mind, body and s p i r i t .

When a person i s admitted t o an insti tution.. they become jus t a num- 52r, S ~ Z ~ L S V I C ~r C Z S ~ G ~ L V ~ lr, 3 long l ine. In th i s vicious process of inst i tut ional izat ion, many pat- ients sink deeper into a morass of despair as there is no letup of punitive treatment! 'I'he punishment meted out is i n no way jus t i f iab le or reasonable and does not help a patient residing i n an ins t i tu t ion

I w h o i s c o n s i s t e n t l y b u f f e t t e d b y 4 i s t a f f . A patient fee ls i n a low

and dark mood, with loneliness and despair, hurt and deeply wounded within the i r innerself, by the treatment which is unceasing un t i l death o r discharge.

A patient loses his/her se l f or identity; suffers loss of privacy and loss of freedom and, even more, loss of self-esteem a t being incar- cerated in an inst i tut ion.

The four walls of any i n s t i t u t i o n , are coloured grey and gloomy for anyone locked up and isolated froni the world and from the i r former l i f e . A patient becomes ins t i tu - tionalized because of the indiffer- ence and ignorance of the s t a f f who l e t it happen without trying t o pre- vent it.

Inst i tut ional izat ion could be prevented by not withholding from the patient t he i r in t r ins ic and integral individuality and i f there wasn't the same old monotonous, dai ly routine. I believe that ev- ery day should be different. A patient loses themself while going through the motions of l iving and becomes engulfed in misery during the daily grind.

The patient is consumed and de* oured by the ins t i tu t ion which is &iii~i?ii& : ~ t i f kid, i~perssna: and the opposite of a home l i f e environment. The patient has no- thing of the i r former self over the years i n the institution..becoming a hollow she l l that ages, withers and dies.

I s t h i s the r ight thing t o do - t o keep human beings i n such places and away from the chance t o l ive produc- t ive , contributive and f u l l l ives? I think th i s is a crime of great magnitude and inhumanity inf l ic ted on inmates i n an ins t i tu t ion o r i n any . insti tutional sett ing.

By MORGANA MONTAGUE

20 police say shelter lacking-- NEWSpoet ry 1

Vancouver police say they're run- Buckley said the government-fin- THE UMBELLA I t

ning out of places to house mentally anced Strathcoha team works with 1 1 i l l persolis picked up for creating several emergency facilities such as OF A DEAD MAN

dislurballces in the downtown east The Lookout, Triage (run by St. side.

a James Social Services) qnd the city- Thus benefitted by death,

insp. Ken Iliggins, head of Team run Cordova House to deal with per- I pause to consider 4 : 4

Three, which covers the downtown sons with emotional problems or inheritance. . . east side, says the last place for such people who are destitute. It's tattered edges persons is a jail cell. Buckley said he and Higgins plan flapping

"In this area, we have a population to meet shortly with medical offi- of about 400 people with a history of cials at Vancouver General Hospital in the watered

i mental illness. Occasionally, they to discuss a solution to the prob- Left as unintentionally I have severe crises which involve us, lem. as our arrival in l i fe . :;kc: iiehiifig tiiaiurhanr~s fir IPB$- 9 ~ . Joseph NGG~C, t& h"spiiai's ing threats," Higgins said. assessment unit director, could not UNDER AN I-JMHELLA \

"I'm not advocating reinstitution- be reached for comment. OF DECEIT alization for these people, but one Higgins said khen police receive essential quality of treatment is that complaints about people experienc- ~h~ ~ ~ ~ d l ~ ~ d said, it b e continual. The police don't ing "a severe mental crisis" the mmd dr~vlng these people to hospi- suspects are taken to hospitals for He did not give notice.

Technically I cannot tals, as long as there is some place assessments. 1 I for them to go. There should be "But police units sometimes end return his security deposit.. I

more local ullits available. JWice up wandering the Lower Mainland though one should are the first to say we should not lock looking for hospitals to take these UP mentally lroubled suspects." people. That ties up a unit there and present Written Notice

Ralph Buckley, director of the it translates into a problem on the of intent to die. ) Stra th~ona Mental Health Team, road for police - short-staffing," UNDER ?HE said the shorlage of acute psychiat- Higgins said. ric emergency beds in Vancouver is Dr. Barry Morrison, the provincial OF A DEAD MAN heading into its "sixth or eighth health ministry's director of adult month of crisis." and acute care services for mental The hooker on the corner

Buckley estimated at least 20 to 30 health, said "top priority" is being wo will drown ~ m w l e a month are affected by the given to people within the jail sys- - in a shower of shortage of beds. tem who need psychiatric care The city's major psychiatric enier- under the Mental Health Act. Awaits the arrival

gency facility, the Vancouver Gen- He said the problem police are of the night's first trick, ural +pita1 pswhiatric assessment facing has "come up before and it's & 1 Imply walk; unit. 1s being forced to occasionally something we have to look at.. . . nru the howledge, turn away patients because all 15 of We're not sure how much bigger the its beds are occupied. problem is than it is right now." That umbrellas offer

When beds are full, patients are Morrison said a mental health no protection diverted to other hospitals through- report expected to address issues And anyone that I should raise out the Lower Mainland. such as "what kind of community above my head -

Buckley said: "If a person is men- care facilities are needed for what would surely be tally committed, there shodd,be a kind of patients," is to be completed ?he mbrella of a dead man. place where they can find securlty or by the end of the year. asylum, in the correct sense of the word, until such time as it's (the ill- The Vancouver Sun* Tom Lewis ness) in abeyance. Tuesday, Aug. 25, 1987

"We can deal with ongoing prob- lems but when people are getting committed the community can't han- dle it."

owntown eastside 3 edt~me story Once upon a time there was a

beautiful planet - her rivers, '

' lakes, clouds, a i r , earth, rocks and t rees were clean - her skin was al ive - the roots of her hair

. were entwined with the galaxy. Earth was the happiest of planets

until..one day..there appeared on ! her surface - the ~ v i h One f

The Evil One took charge of the world ... he was very smart a t t r a - ding parts of the Earth's body for other parts.

He became the business genius of a l l time and could finance gov- y, l l l l l ~ l l ~ i ; --------- I. -*.,-.I #-.n*

W C C L ~ U U I I ~ I G a c a l LII. ILULLWAA

energy, etc. Atomic arsenals stretched out

over the Earth, fuelled by con- crete mazes where the Earth's peo- ple were kept counting the money he paid them, and responding to h is new work of a r t - advertising.

Advertising was the a r t form of every businessman everywhere, a l l over the planet ... an1 a l l t h i s happened subtly, with grace, w i t and charm.

1 In a very friendly and civi l ized I manner, the business of l iving j in he l l was constructed. TORA

Shrugs i n the City

By Claudius Ivan Planid

The newcomer from a f a r c i ty meets shrugs as he s t r o l l s the busy s t r ee t s a t the core of the new c i t y thickly populated.

Where is the hospital here? He meets shrugs.

Where is the employment here? He meets shrugs.

Where is the college here? He meets shrugs.

Where is the high here? He meets shrugs.

Where is the off ice of the MP here? He meets shrugs.

Where is the off ice of the MLA here? He meets shrugs.

Where is the swimming pool here? He meets shrugs.

Where is the ice-skating rink here? He meets shrugs.

The newcomer from a f a r c i t y meets shrugs as he s t r o l l s the busy s t r ee t s a t the core -C +h#-. n n 7 . 7 P - + \ T + h A P L I I T n m n 1 1 3 q t c 4 VI L11b IILYV L L G J GlLl\rl\lj yVyCIIUCVU.

The Follower

By Claudius Ivan Planidin

Walking home l a t e I knew I was being followed, I turned quickly i n menace

to confront my own shadow.

22

TAKE BACK THE NIGHT. BUDGET

versus

CRAB KIDS Sun City Hall Bureau

Vancouver social planning direc- tor Max Beck has recommended against a $500 grant towards a chil- dren"-day event at adowntown east- cido foatival "--" --"--. -.

The Create a ~ e a l ~valiabie rreacn society had asked for the money, say- ing that a recent survey has showed more children dre moving into the area and more facilities and events are needed for them.

"We are not aware that any money, has gonelor such events in our com- munity; rather city money hasgone to three large post-Expo festivals," sqys CRAB president Don Larson in a ltt- ter asking to address the issue at Tuesday's council meeting.

"This is the only festival in the downtown eastside aimed at local people this year."

In hisreport Beckdenies thedown- town eastside got no money this year for community events, saying the city gave $1,500 to the Chinese Benevo- lent Association and $2,500 to the Powell Street Festival Society.

H i s r e p o r t notes that the Aug. 29 c h i l - dren's day event .would be part of t h e Water for

' Life Festivd in t h e r e c e n t l y opened Portside Park (also known as CRAB park) at .the foot of Main.

Beck says the festivals' total bud-, get is $1,010 and projected revenues are $1,395, leaving a potential profit of $385.

On September 18th, women all over Canada will be protesting male vio- lence against us. Take Back The Night is an annual

action organized by members of the Canadian Organization of Sexual As- sault Centres and by women's groups in the United States and around the world. This year, in Vancouver, we will

meet at Granville and Broadway at ~ . n n , , u. w w ,,.,A,.

We are protesting violence again- st us in the streets, in our homes, everywhere. 1 in 4 women will be raped some-

time in our lives 1 in 8 of us will be sexuall;

assaulted before the age of 18 At least 1 woman in 10 is batter-

ed by the man we live with a woman is raped every 17 minutes

in Canada,

Often these assaults on us are by men we know and trust.... our husbands, boyfriends, fathers, other family members, doctors, em- ployers, fiends, teachers. We are angry and demand that men

stop harassing, raping, beating and sexually assaulting us. We are not going to live in fear. We will Take Back The Night, from

men, September 18th.

DEIRDRE MAULTSAI II

Vancouver Rape Relief & w o m b ' s Shelter 77 E. 20th Avenue, Vancouver, B. C., V5V 1 L7 872-821 2

counqi I kicksin

, News Services Vancouver city council last

night approved a $500 grant for a Children's Day for down- town eastside kids this Satur- day - even though\ the city's social planning department said there was no money in the cultural budget for the J:lrU\Y WEDNESIIAY - with event. Provjnce L Wednesdpy,

. BoNIwus, TI iMMWAys Q ~ D @ P G J AUQ. 26,. WEDNESDAYS I

NEED H E L P ?

DICRA can help you with:

* any welfare problems * UIC problems * getting legal assitance * unsafe living conditions

in hotels or apartments * disputes with landlords * income tax

->ERA. IIAS BEEN SERVING THE DOWNTOWN EASTSIDE FOR 13 YEARS I

FREE - donat ions accep led . C i t y i n f o s t a f f c a n ' t

a c c e p t d o n a t i o n s f o r t h i s N e w s l e t t e r , s o i f you c a n

1 1 1 1 Ill 11!11 1 1 1 1 I( 1:; A I'IIIII I C A I IIIII III 1111 h e l p , f i n d P a u l T a y l o r a n d 6 AI.I~[ I , l ( I ~ l t l ~ ~ l l l l ~ I .{ i 11418-t A!;'atbt ltbtd

k 1 #..a S @'IN d".4 '111 (II.. VI S U " . 0 1 l # l l ! b v l l l l l i \ ) h e ' l l g i v e you a r e c e i p t .

, ( . , i t r 111t1t t a r c. . ! I I~ 8 1 a b t t t t 111d. A-.m.c+t I a t 14 I I l - Thanks everybody .