SESSION 4

CONNECTED THROUGH WORDS

34 SESSION 4© 2014 LifeWay

When is the last time

you got in trouble for

something you said?

BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 35© 2014 LifeWay

THE BIBLE MEETS LIFE“Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

It’s not true. You and I both know words can be harmful. They can hurt. Even the United States' legal system recognizes the damaging power of words. Back in 2006, a Florida resident named Sue Scheff sued another woman for Internet defamation, claiming the woman had posted messages online that attacked Scheff’s personal character and business practices. The court ruled in Scheff’s favor, awarding her $11.3 million in damages.

Yes, words can hurt us. Words can wreak havoc. But words can also be a powerful force for good. Words can motivate, encourage, and inspire. They can bring hope into darkness and change the direction of a life. This is especially true in the church. As we’ll see in this session, our words have great impact on how we relate to each other as followers of Christ.

THE POINT

Our words matter.

The longest word in the English language

has 189,819 letters and would take three

and a half hours to pronounce correctly.1

36 SESSION 4© 2014 LifeWay

The Setting

As Paul developed the ethical ramifications of the theology of redemption, of being the church, he began with corporate implications (Sessions 2 and 3). While all Christians have responsibility for group unity and group maturity, they also have responsibilities for themselves. In this passage Paul pointed out a series of individual behavioral changes each believer should adopt to better facilitate the group unity and maturity.

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?Ephesians 4:25-3225 Since you put away lying, Speak the truth, each one to his neighbor, because we are members of one another.

26 Be angry and do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger,

27 and don’t give the Devil an opportunity.

28 The thief must no longer steal. Instead, he must do honest work with his own hands, so that he has something to share with anyone in need.

29 No foul language is to come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear.

30 And don’t grieve God’s Holy Spirit. You were sealed by Him for the day of redemption.

31 All bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander must be removed from you, along with all malice.

32 And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.

BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 37© 2014 LifeWay

Share This

EPHESIANS 4:25-28

A 2013 study revealed drivers

of blue BMWs are reportedly the

angriest drivers on the road.2

THE POINT Our words matter.

Why should you try

to resolve anger

issues quickly?

HonestyThe church is a body of individuals bound together as followers of Jesus who share a common mission to advance God’s kingdom. For that reason, those inside the church should live in a way that’s noticeably different from those outside.

We are to stop telling lies and start being truthful with each other because we were all members of the same body. Dishonesty destroys trust and unity within the church.

AngerPaul warned his readers about anger. Notice he didn’t say we should avoid anger altogether. Instead, he gave these instructions for when we get angry:

Y Don’t sin.

Y Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.

Y Don’t give the Devil an opportunity.

The problem is that feeding anger provides the Devil an opportunity to tempt us toward bitterness, hatred, and revenge. That’s why Scripture says to settle disagreements before sunset.

The better choice is to go to the person who angered you and seek peace as quickly as possible. Choose to forgive. Words hurt, remember? And words spoken in anger can be especially damaging to brothers and sisters in Christ.

38 SESSION 4© 2014 LifeWay

EPHESIANS 4:29-30Ever try putting toothpaste back inside the tube after you’ve squeezed it out? It’s virtually impossible. Words work the same way. Once spoken, they can’t be put back. Yes, you can apologize, but you can’t unsay something that’s been said.

Paul warned the Ephesian believers to choose their words carefully when communicating with one another. In verse 29, he warned them specifically against using foul language with each other.

UnspokenThink of some things you've said to someone that you

wish you hadn't. What happened as a result of your

words? How many people did they affect? Write about

the situation here and be ready to discuss the effect of

your words with your group if asked.

We tend to think of foul language in terms of cursing or saying something inappropriate. Certainly that kind of speech dishonors God and undermines our Christian witness. But in the context of these verses, Paul’s reference to unwholesome talk has more to do with:

Y Malicious gossip and slander

Y Speech that inflicts harm on someone and causes division within the body

Y Speech that tears down spiritually and emotionally rather than building up

Rather than tearing others down, let’s be intentional about using words to build each other up—especially within the body of Christ. As representatives of God’s kingdom, we must be intentional about speaking words that encourage others and help them grow. In this way, we serve as channels of God’s grace, allowing Him to minister through us and provide what our brothers and sisters in Christ need to hear.

How can you

encourage

others with

what you say?

How does technology and

social media amplify the

impact of our words?

BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 39© 2014 LifeWay

EPHESIANS 4:31-32The family is driving to church on Sunday morning. A discussion about a curfew time or a certain outfit quickly becomes a full-blown argument. By the time they arrive at the church, everyone is frustrated and upset. When they get out of the car, however, everyone looks polished and happy. They smile and pretend like nothing is wrong.

The Christian life isn’t to work that way. We can’t profess our love for Jesus in one area of our lives and then verbally abuse or gossip about others in another area.

In Ephesians 4:31, Paul told his readers to get rid of ungodly attitudes and actions such as:

Y Bitterness: An attitude that clings to resentment and keeps a record of wrongs (1 Cor. 13:5). It is spiteful and refuses reconciliation.

Y Anger: Outbursts of rage or a hot temper ignited for selfish reasons.

Y Wrath: An ongoing attitude of hatred a person harbors inwardly.

Y Shouting (clamor): Making loud, angry assertions with a determination to be heard.

Y Slander (evil speaking): Lying about someone and spreading gossip; destroying a person’s reputation by defaming his or her character.

Y Malice: The intent to do harm to another person.

To follow Jesus Christ requires that we relate to others the way He relates to us. Because God showed us kindness and compassion—because He forgave us when we didn’t deserve it—we must treat others the same way.

88% of teens who use social media

say they have seen someone be mean or cruel to another person on a social

network site.3

THE POINT Our words matter.

What habits, routines,

and choices will empower

us to make the changes

commanded here?

40 SESSION 4© 2014 LifeWay

"Somehow, what's in our

hearts, good or bad is

eventually translated into

words and deeds." 4

—A N DY S TA N L E Y

APPLY ITChoosing to speak in a way that’s positive and affirming seems easy on the front end, but it can be difficult to accomplish. Here are some options for using your words to build up the body of Christ:

Y Notice your speech this week. Each night, review your words that day. Ask the Holy Spirit to empower you to use what you say to glorify God.

Y Be aware. Look for an opportunity every day this week to genuinely build someone up with your words. Find ways to encourage, motivate, give hope, provide guidance, or just make someone smile.

Y Memorize Psalm 19:14. Pray this verse every morning as you’re getting ready for your day and let it guide your speech.

As God

Forgave You

Because God forgives our sin, we need to forgive others. We reflect the heart of Christ when we forgive.

To read the Essential Connection student devotion, "As God Forgave You," visit

BibleStudiesForLife.com/articles or scan this QR code.

BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 41© 2014 LifeWay

LIVE IT OUT

WATCH YOUR WORDSEphesians 4:29

Be sensitive to your words and phrases. Throughout the week, list any negative words or phrases that you struggle with. How will you allow God to help you change this in you?

A tip: hYou may not necessarily struggle with profanity. Perhaps you struggle with negative words. Be mindful of these words. Ask yourself: Do they build up or tear down?

Y

Y

Y

Y

Y

Y

Y

42 SESSION 4© 2014 LifeWay

LIVE IT OUT

GOOD WORDSPsalm 19:14

Memorize Psalm 19:14.

Y Read the Scripture several times.

Y Write the verse on an index card and put it somewhere you will see everyday.

Y Put it as a background on your phone.

Y Make this a part of your daily prayer.

Y Post it on social media after you've memorized it. Y Work on it when your hands are busy but your brain isn't: washing dishes/chores, walking to class, exercise, etc.

Y Use your phone to record

yourself reading the verse

aloud. Listen to it several

times a day.

Y Write down the first letter of every word in the verse in order. Use them as hints to help you begin memorizing the verse. Eventually, you won't need the first letters.

BIBLE STUDIES FOR LIFE 43© 2014 LifeWay

REFERENCESUNIT 1, SESSION 1

1. “Mountain,” Yellowstone Club, [cited March 13, 2014]. Available from the Internet: http://www.yellowstoneclub.com.

2. “President John Tyler weds his second wife,” history.com, [cited March 13, 2014]. Available from the Internet: http://www.history.com.

3. “Gym Membership Statistics,” Statistic Brain, [cited March 17, 2014]. Available from the Internet: http://www.statisticbrain.com.

4. William T. Ellis, “Billy” Sunday: The Man and His Message (Philadelphia: L.T. Myers, 1914), 155.

UNIT 1, SESSION 2

1. “Flight 93: Forty lives, one destiny,” Post-Gazette News, 28 October 2001, [cited March 17, 2014]. Available from the Internet: http://old.post-gazette.com.

2. “Passenger: Todd Beamer,” Post-Gazette News, 28 October 2011, [cited March 17, 2014]. Available from the Internet: http://old.post-gazette.com.

3. “The Milan Miracle,” IndyStar, 18 February 2014, [cited March 19, 2014]. Available from the Internet: http://www.indystar.com.

4. “Martin Luther Quotes, “ Brainy Quote, [cited March 19, 2014]. Available from the Internet: http://www.brainyquote.com.

UNIT 1, SESSION 3

1. “Largest College Football Stadiums - Top 20,” Yahoo Voices, 9 October 2010, [cited March 17, 2014]. Available from the Internet: http://voices.yahoo.com.

2. “Teens Delaying Licensure—A Cause for Concern?” AAA Newsroom, 1 August 2013, [cited March 17, 2014]. Available from the Internet: http://newsroom.aaa.com.

3. Stoyan Zaimov, “Only 1 in 3 Young Born-Again Evangelicals Believe Jesus is the Only Way to Heaven, Apologists Says,” The Christian Post, 12 October 2013, [cited March 21, 2014]. Available from the Internet: http://www.christianpost.com.

4. Lewis C. Henry, ed. 5000 Quotations for All Occasions (Philadelphia, PA: The Blackiston Company, 1945), 319.

UNIT 1, SESSION 4

1. “The Longest Word in English Takes 3.5 Hours to Pronounce,” Gizmodo, 21 November 2012, [cited March 19, 2014]. Available from the Internet: http://gizmodo.com.

2. “Most obnoxious drivers: Men in blue BMWs, report finds,” The Washington Times, 14 August 2013, [cited March 19, 2014]. Available from the Internet: http://www.washingtontimes.com.

3. Luke Gilkerson, “Bullying Statistics: Fast Facts About Cyberbullying,” Covenant Eyes, 17 January 2012, [cited March 21, 2014]. Available from the Internet: http://www.covenanteyes.com.

4. Andy Stanley, Enemies of the Heart (Colorado Springs, CO: Multnomah Books, 2011), 31.

UNIT 1, SESSION 5

1. “The Truth About Van Halen’s M&M Rider—Just Good Operations,” Business of Software, 7 August 2013, [cited March 19, 2014]. Available from the Internet: http://businessofsoftware.org.

2.T hom Rainer, I Am a Church Member (Nashville, TN: B&H Publishing Group, 2013), 36-38.

3. “Eigengrau definition,” web-definition.com, [cited March 29, 2014]. Available from the Internet: http://www.web-definition.com.

4. “Interesting Facts,” The International Butler Academy, [cited March 22, 2014]. Available from the Internet: http://www.butlerschool.com.

5. “G.K. Chesterton Quotes,” Goodreads, [cited March 20, 2014]. Available from the Internet: https://www.goodreads.com.

UNIT 1, SESSION 6

1. Philip Yancey, Prayer: Does It Make Any Difference (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2006), 117.

2. “Persecution,” The Ethics and Religious Liberties Committee of the Southern Baptist Convention, [cited March 20, 2014]. Available from the Internet: http://erlc.com.

3. “Calvin Graham, 12-Year-Old WWII Vet, Saved Crew Members With Makeshift Tourniquets,” The Huffington Post, 1 August 2013, [cited March 21, 2014]. Available from the Internet: http://www.huffingtonpost.com.

4. Patricia Reaney, “Email Connects 85 Percent of the World; Social Media Connects 62 Percent, “ The Huffington Post, 27 March 2012, [cited March 21, 2014]. Available from the Internet: http://www.huffingtonpost.com.

5. “Oswald Chamber Quotes,” Goodreads, [cited March 21, 2014]. Available from the Internet: https://www.goodreads.com.

© 2014 LifeWay