Session TwoEnlarge your

heart to encourage

others

A critical nature is a defense tactic

Striking back when attacked is a natural defense . . . a natural protection

because of their small stature, children are too small to protect themselves from the attacks of older children or adults

Consequently, they become skilled in verbal attack as a means of defense

Youth and Adult Smoke Screens

A smoke screen is a type of diversion or covering — an intentional hiding of the truth

Smoke screens are designed to obscure, confuse or mislead others

A critical nature shifts the spotlight from one’s own faults to the faults of others to look better

The Smoke Screens

Do you ever . . . Secretly believe you are better than

others?Make assumptions about others

without knowing the facts?Obtain revenge for a personal

offense?Kid with the intent to hurt?Envy the success of others?

The Smoke Screens

Do you ever . . . Camouflage personal

discontentment?Rebel against and resist authority?Employ sarcasm as a source of

humor?Elevate self by putting others

down?Nurture perfectionistic tendencies

to make yourself look better?

Picture Jesus paints of the faultfinder

Imagine a 2x4 wooden plank embedded in your eye!

It's too large for you to dislodge without immense discomfort

It's too terrifying to think of other people prying out the beam

It hurts too much to trust even God in spite of His perfect touch

The solution seems simple: ignore it . . . deny it . . . camouflage it . . . create a smoke screen so that no one will notice it

Matt 7:3

"And why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?

Root Cause

You can go all the way back to the Garden of Eden to find the first critical nature Adam blamed God for giving him Eve then blamed Eve for giving him the infamous

forbidden fruit

Gen 3:12 And the man said, "The woman whom Thou

gavest to be with me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate."

Root Cause

shifting the blame to God or someone else is so much easier than taking personal responsibility for your own wrong choices

We all have three inner needs the need for love the need for significance the need for security

Criticizing someone else makes us feel a sense of significance — a sense of power

Wrong Belief:

"My sense of significance is enhanced when I show how others are wrong. The fact that 'I am right' justifies my criticism of others."

Rom 2:1 Therefore you are without excuse, every

man of you who passes judgment, for in that you judge another, you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things

Right Belief:

When I am critical of others, I am only judging the sin in myself.

God thought I was significant enough to create me with His plan and purpose for me.

Because Christ lives in me, continually extending His mercy toward me, I will reflect His mercy by encouraging the hearts of others.

1 Thess 5:14+15 And we urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly,

encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with all men. See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all men

STEPS TO SOLUTION

All of us need some "heavenly sandpaper" in life, but we don't need so much rubbing that we're left feeling discouraged, demeaned or depressed

God uses close relationships to teach us truth about ourselves

That is why we all need to be open to the possibility that criticism often reveals specific areas in our lives that need to be refined

STEPS TO SOLUTION

When we are criticized, we can choose to ask God if we have a habit that He wants us to eliminate

But if criticism proves to be unfounded, we still need to demonstrate loving encouragement to those who have been our critics

Prov 19:11+20

A man's discretion makes him slow to anger, And it is his glory to overlook a transgression…

Listen to counsel and accept discipline, That you may be wise the rest of your days

Key Verse

Col 4:6

Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned, as it were, with salt, so that you may know how you should respond to each person.

Key Passage to Read and Reread

James 3:1-12 1 Let not many of you become teachers, my

brethren, knowing that as such we shall incur a stricter judgment.

2 For we all stumble in many ways. If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to bridle the whole body as well.

3 Now if we put the bits into the horses' mouths so that they may obey us, we direct their entire body as well.

4 Behold, the ships also, though they are so great and are driven by strong winds, are still directed by a very small rudder, wherever the inclination of the pilot desires.

Key Passage to Read and Reread

5 So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. Behold, how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire!

6 And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell.

7 For every species of beasts and birds, of reptiles and creatures of the sea, is tamed, and has been tamed by the human race.

8 But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison.

Key Passage to Read and Reread

9 With it we bless our Lord and Father; and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God;

10 from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way.

11 Does a fountain send out from the same opening both fresh and bitter water?

12 Can a fig tree, my brethren, produce olives, or a vine produce figs? Neither can salt water produce fresh.

The tongue, though small . . .

can be powerful like a bit, turning a large horse — James 3:3

can be forceful like a rudder, steering a huge ship — James 3:4

can be dangerous like a spark, igniting a great forest — James 3:5

can be devastating like a fire, burning the whole body — James 3:6

The tongue, though small . . .

can be a corrupting force of evil, instigated by hell — James 3:6

can be a restless evil full of deadly poison —James 3:8

can be both praising and critical of others — James 3:10

can be the instrument revealing whether the heart is impure — James 3:12

Enlarge Your Heart to Become an Encourager Suppose someone said to you, "When I think

of you, I think of Jesus." In the deepest part of your heart, would you

like to be like Jesus? If so, what was He like? Do you see Jesus as having a judgmental

nature?

Enlarge Your Heart to Become an Encourager

People were drawn to the Lord because He was an encourager, not a critic. He didn't focus on their faults. Instead, He knew their needs and offered to

meet them.

Enlarge Your Heart to Become an Encourager

When you experience authentic salvation, the Bible says you have "Christ in you"

Col 1:27 to whom God willed to make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory

If you truly want to be like Christ, enlarge your heart to become an encourager

Phil 2:1+2

If therefore there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in nature, intent on one purpose.

Phil 2:3+4 Do nothing from selfishness or

empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.

An encourager has a humble heart . . . a heart that sees its own shortcomings. Humble your heart to see your own sin, your

imperfections and your immense need for God's mercy.

Rather than measuring yourself by human standards, measure yourself by God's standard — the perfect Savior.

Instead of making sure that others see how significant you are, make sure others see their significance to God.

Pray, "Lord, may I see my sin as You see it — may I hate my sin as You hate it."

Ps 139:23+24

Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way

An encourager has a compassionate heart . . . a

heart that actively cares about the lives of others. Look closely at the life of Christ to learn His

compassionate way of confronting the truth. Consider the woman caught in adultery — a

crime for which stoning was the punishment — yet Jesus did not condemn her, he looked beyond her fault and saw her need, then compassionately met that need.

John 8:3-11

3 And the scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman caught in adultery, and having set her in the midst,

4 they said to Him, "Teacher, this woman has been caught in adultery, in the very act.

5 "Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women; what then do You say?"

6 And they were saying this, testing Him, in order that they might have grounds for accusing Him. But Jesus stooped down, and with His finger wrote on the ground.

John 8:3-11

7 But when they persisted in asking Him, He straightened up, and said to them, "He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her."

8 And again He stooped down, and wrote on the ground.

9 And when they heard it, they began to go out one by one, beginning with the older ones, and He was left alone, and the woman, where she was, in the midst.

10 And straightening up, Jesus said to her, "Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?"

11 And she said, "No one, Lord." And Jesus said, "Neither do I condemn you; go your way. From now on sin no more."

An encourager has a compassionate heart . . . a heart that actively cares about the lives of others. Look at the woman at the well who had been

married five times and was living with yet another man.

Jesus knew everything about her and saw her need, then He compassionately met that need.

John 4:5-42

5 So He came to a city of Samaria, called Sychar, near the parcel of ground that Jacob gave to his son Joseph;

6 and Jacob's well was there. Jesus therefore, being wearied from His journey, was sitting thus by the well. It was about the sixth hour.

7 There came a woman of Samaria to draw water. Jesus said to her, "Give Me a drink."

8 For His disciples had gone away into the city to buy food.

9 The Samaritan woman therefore said to Him, "How is it that You, being a Jew, ask me for a drink since I am a Samaritan woman?" (For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.)

John 4:5-42

10 Jesus answered and said to her, "If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, 'Give Me a drink,' you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water."

11 She said to Him, "Sir, You have nothing to draw with and the well is deep; where then do You get that living water?

12 "You are not greater than our father Jacob, are You, who gave us the well, and drank of it himself, and his sons, and his cattle?"

13 Jesus answered and said to her, "Everyone who drinks of this water shall thirst again;

14 but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life. "

15 The woman said to Him, "Sir, give me this water, so I will not be thirsty, nor come all the way here to draw."

John 4:5-42

16 He said to her, "Go, call your husband, and come here."

17 The woman answered and said, "I have no husband." Jesus said to her, "You have well said, 'I have no husband';

18 for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; this you have said truly. "

19 The woman said to Him, "Sir, I perceive that You are a prophet.

20 "Our fathers worshiped in this mountain, and you people say that in Jerusalem is the place where men ought to worship."

John 4:5-42

21 Jesus said to her, "Woman, believe Me, an hour is coming when neither in this mountain, nor in Jerusalem, shall you worship the Father.

22 "You worship that which you do not know; we worship that which we know, for salvation is from the Jews.

23 "But an hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers shall worship the Father in spirit and truth; for such people the Father seeks to be His worshipers.

24 "God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth."

25 The woman said to Him, "I know that Messiah is coming (He who is called Christ); when that One comes, He will declare all things to us."

John 4:5-42

26 Jesus said to her, "I who speak to you am He." 27 And at this point His disciples came, and they

marveled that He had been speaking with a woman; yet no one said, "What do You seek?" or, "Why do You speak with her?"

28 So the woman left her waterpot, and went into the city, and said to the men,

29 "Come, see a man who told me all the things that I have done; this is not the Christ, is it?"

30 They went out of the city, and were coming to Him.

31 In the meanwhile the disciples were requesting Him, saying, "Rabbi, eat."

John 4:5-42

32 But He said to them, "I have food to eat that you do not know about."

33 The disciples therefore were saying to one another, "No one brought Him anything to eat, did he?"

34 Jesus said to them, "My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me, and to accomplish His work.

35 "Do you not say, 'There are yet four months, and then comes the harvest'? Behold, I say to you, lift up your eyes, and look on the fields, that they are white for harvest.

36 "Already he who reaps is receiving wages, and is gathering fruit for life eternal; that he who sows and he who reaps may rejoice together.

37 "For in this case the saying is true, 'One sows, and another reaps.'

John 4:5-42

38 "I sent you to reap that for which you have not labored; others have labored, and you have entered into their labor."

39 And from that city many of the Samaritans believed in Him because of the word of the woman who testified, "He told me all the things that I have done."

40 So when the Samaritans came to Him, they were asking Him to stay with them; and He stayed there two days.

41 And many more believed because of His word; 42 and they were saying to the woman, "It is no

longer because of what you said that we believe, for we have heard for ourselves and know that this One is indeed the Savior of the world."

An encourager has a compassionate heart . . . a heart that actively cares about the lives of others.

Pray that you will not be a critical stone thrower, but a compassionate "need-meeter.“

Col 3:12

And so, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience

An encourager has an understanding heart . . . a heart

that learns and draws out the hearts of others. Don't listen only to what people say on the

surface. Listen for the needs and feelings beneath the surface . . . feelings of being unloved, insignificant, or insecure.

Learn the "language of love" that the other person understands—a thoughtful note, a favorite food, an unexpected kindness, reaching out to one of their loved ones.

Ask, "What can I do to improve our relationship?"

An encourager has an understanding heart . . . a heart

that learns and draws out the hearts of others. Listen carefully and repeat or rephrase back

what you hear: "I understand that you think I continually interrupt you. You want me to let you finish expressing your thoughts. Is this correct?"

Pray that God will give you a discerning nature as you seek to draw others out.

Prov 20:5 A plan in the heart of a man is like deep water, But a

man of understanding draws it out.

An encourager has an accepting heart . . . a heart that offers a sense of security. Realize that everyone has an innate fear of

rejection and a deep yearning for acceptance. Recognize that God accepts you just as you

are . . . even with all your faults. Choose to be a channel through which God

extends His acceptance to others.

An encourager has an accepting heart . . . a heart that offers a sense of security. Pray for God to reveal the ways you

communicate rejection and the ways to reach out with a heart of acceptance.

Rom 15:7

Wherefore, accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God.

An encourager has an appreciative heart . . . a heart that sees God-given worth in everyone.

Recognize that the worth of something is most often established by the price paid for it.

Look at how the Lord established worth in every person by paying the highest price with His life. With His blood, He paid the necessary ransom to redeem you from the penalty of your sins.

Treat every person — especially your most problematic person — as someone with God-given worth.

An encourager has an appreciative heart . . . a heart that sees God-given worth in everyone.

Pray that you would see others as God sees them and value them as He values them.

Luke 12:6+7 "Are not five sparrows sold for two cents?

And yet not one of them is forgotten before God. "Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are of more value than many sparrows.

An encourager has a praising heart . . . a heart that praises the positives Refuse to be a pharisaical faultfinder. The

Pharisees even found fault in the faultless Son of God.

Avoid the temptation to "catch" people doing something wrong. Instead, comment on what they are doing right.

Instead of praising outer characteristics (good looks, attractive clothes, etc.), praise inner character: "I see that you really have wisdom . . . perseverance . . . thoughtfulness . . . integrity."

An encourager has a praising heart . . . a heart that praises the positives Pray that you will see something positive in

every person, then faithfully make that your focus.

Phil 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever

is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things.

An encourager has an exhorting heart . . . a heart that doesn't wound with words. Reconsider the saying "Talk is cheap." . . .

Talk is costly when it tears others down. Before speaking words of criticism, ask a

wise friend to evaluate your content and tone. Realize that after critical words are spoken, you can never take them back.

Inspire those needing change with your belief that they can change: "Don't give up. . . . God will guide you in the way you should go. . . . I know you can make the right decisions. . . . I believe you can experience God's best."

An encourager has an exhorting heart . . . a heart that doesn't wound with words. Present your words to God as His instrument

for good, and pray that He will put His words into your mouth.

Eph 4:29 Let no unwholesome word proceed from

your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear.

An encourager has a discerning heart . . . a heart to see the deepest unmet needs of others.

Instead of judging the inappropriate action of another, understand the need behind the action.

Realize that people who sling cutting words reveal that they have at least one unmet inner need . . . the need for love, for significance, or for security.

Realize that people don't always mean what they say.

An encourager has a discerning heart . . . a heart to see the deepest unmet needs of others.

Pray that your critics will allow the Lord to meet their deepest inner needs.

Phil 4:19

And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

An encourager has a wise heart . . . a heart that relies on the Spirit for truth. Seek God's wisdom by reading a chapter a

day from the Book of Proverbs. This book of wisdom was written by Solomon, whom God gifted with supernatural wisdom

2 Chron 1:7-127 In that night God appeared to Solomon and said to

him, "Ask what I shall give you." 8 And Solomon said to God, "Thou hast dealt with

my father David with great lovingkindness, and hast made me king in his place.

An encourager has a wise heart . . . a heart that relies on the Spirit for truth.

9 Now, O Lord God, Thy promise to my father David is fulfilled; for Thou hast made me king over a people as numerous as the dust of the earth.

10 Give me now wisdom and knowledge, that I may go out and come in before this people; for who can rule this great people of Thine?"

11 And God said to Solomon, "Because you had this in mind, and did not ask for riches, wealth, or honor, or the life of those who hate you, nor have you even asked for long life, but you have asked for yourself wisdom and knowledge, that you may rule My people, over whom I have made you king,

12 wisdom and knowledge have been granted to you. And I will give you riches and wealth and honor, such as none of the kings who were before you has possessed, nor those who will come after you."

An encourager has a wise heart . . . a heart that relies on the Spirit for truth. Write down every verse from Proverbs that

pertains to the tongue. Determine to see God at work in every

circumstance and trust Him for wisdom to know how to respond.

Wisdom is the ability to look at life from God's point of view. The only way to do this is through the Spirit of Truth, who resides in every believer.

An encourager has a wise heart . . . a heart that relies on the Spirit for truth.

Pray that God's Spirit will teach you spiritual truths and move you to speak these truths in love.

1 Cor 2:13 which things we also speak, not in words

taught by human wisdom, but in those taught by the Spirit, combining spiritual thoughts with spiritual words.