It's not what I'm doing, it's what you think I'm doing.

Return on Relationship

Relationship Management

The single most important measure of business success in the 21st Century

Every circle of influence requires relationship management

Perceived reality is reality I have to know what you think before I can

know what I need to do

Relationship Management

The simple steps for managing perceived reality

It starts – and ends – with me

First Things First

The single most important ingredient in relationship influence is:

ATTITUDE

Attitude Evaluation

1. The Reality Check

Am I getting the responses I really want?

Attitude Evaluation

2. Responsibility Check

What attitude signals am I sending out?

Attitude Evaluation

3. Adjustment Check

What can I do to reset the relationship temperature?

Relationship Temperature

Thermometer: Measuring Perceived Reality

Thermostat: Adjusting Perceived Reality

Standard Temperature and Pressure: Set by the vertical relationship – the BIGGER values of my life

7 Relationship Temperature Controls

1. Response to Criticism

Response to Criticism

How much of your personal self-worth is subject to the input of others?

How well do you “measure up”? Have you established a baseline that

depends only on your vertical relationship? Do you have your values in place? Do you encourage feedback from all?

7 Relationship Temperature Controls

1. Response to Criticism

2. Empowering Others

Empowering Others

Empowering means transferring what I do and what I know to someone else

Compliance is not empowering Have I made a tangible commitment to

show someone else how to do what I do? Who is my apprentice? “I call you friends”

7 Relationship Temperature Controls

1. Response to Criticism

2. Empowering Others

3. Authority vs. Control

Authority vs. Control

Authority – what is given to me by another De jure or de facto The essence of influence is invitation Every follower is be a volunteer “Come after me”

7 Relationship Temperature Controls

1. Response to Criticism

2. Empowering Others

3. Authority vs. Control

4. Emotional Discipline

Emotional Discipline

Reaction vs. Response An attitude of identification Do I first ask “How do they feel?” The Fearless Moral Inventory “counting the cost”

7 Relationship Temperature Controls

1. Response to Criticism

2. Empowering Others

3. Authority vs. Control

4. Emotional Discipline

5. Handling Fears

Handling Fears

The biggest roadblock to successful relationships

Fear is a one-way mirror Fear-based relationships avoid truth and

hide feelings If you really knew me, you wouldn’t love

me “Do you love me?”

7 Relationship Temperature Controls

1. Response to Criticism

2. Empowering Others

3. Authority vs. Control

4. Emotional Discipline

5. Handling Fears

6. Demonstrating Compassion

Demonstrating Compassion

Not sympathy, not empathy, not proxy delegation

Greek – gut reaction Why I must act! How am I demonstrating the heart of

compassion? “Jesus wept.”

7 Relationship Temperature Controls

1. Response to Criticism

2. Empowering Others

3. Authority vs. Control

4. Emotional Discipline

5. Handling Fears

6. Demonstrating Compassion

7. Exhibiting Humility

Exhibiting Humility

The Level 5 Leader Not a state of being (character) Hebrew – ana = act of the will (decision) Putting the highest value into action The serving leader

What does Upside Down Leadership look like? I decide To make You My friend Regardless of your response

Friendship: It’s my call!

FRIENDSHIPTHE 1% SOLUTION

How can I make a 1% difference

TODAY?

St. Francis of Assisi: “Preach the gospel at all times and when necessary use words”